American Dad! (2005–…): Season 17, Episode 15 - Episode #17.15 - full transcript
As the caretaker
of lanceton fashion Plaza,
I have loads
of important duties.
For example, every morning
I flip these switches.
I don't know what they do,
but I flip 'em.
Yeah, what are these?
A big part of what I do
Is unlocking the door
in the morning.
If I don't do that,
I can't lock it at night.
Which is a huge part
of what I do.
The mall's best days
are behind her,
But you should've seen
this place in the heyday.
It was filled with shoppers,
horny teens,
And the perverts
that come with them.
We still get some people.
Those are my bridge players.
A lively bunch,
but I'm pretty sure
The guy in the hat is dead.
Oh! Never mind. He moved.
In the heyday, this fountain was
the centerpiece of the I-f-p.
There was a water show
synchronized
To the "young guns ii"
soundtrack.
People used to come
from all over town
To watch her gush and squirt.
And when I say people,
I mean perverts.
Lot's of 'em.
This used to be Macy's.
But we don't have
an anchor store at the moment.
The owner of the mall,
Mr. Javitz,
Is away working on
finding a new tenant.
And he's got a pretty big fish
on the line.
It's a secret.
The secret belongs to Victoria.
That's all I know.
I'm hoping
for a big ol' Talbot's.
"American dad!" theme
playing on speakers...
A lot of people ask me
why I don't just quit.
"Malls are dying," they say.
But if Mr. Javitz
hasn't given up,
There's no way I can.
He is the greatest man
I've ever known.
Kind, generous,
And he knows basically
everything about rugby.
What are you doing?!
Yeah, this doesn't seem like
it's gonna be a good movie.
What's wrong?
Am I not talking enough?
We wanna make a documentary
about something fun!
Like monster trucks!
Vroom! Vroom!
Yeah! Monster trucks!
They're so loud and so big!
- Vroom! Vroom!
- Vroom-vroom!
Why can't I go to the good mall
and get a summer job there?
Because that's our mall,
And we don't want to risk
running into you.
Don't take this the wrong way,
but... You're kind of a nerd.
What is the right way
to take that?
Not like that.
Now if you'll excuse us,
we have a very important
Family meeting
at buca di beppo
To discuss the plan
for our new food truck.
Why can't I work on that?
Because it's our idea.
You weren't there
when we thought of it.
I'll always remember it.
You weren't there, and then,
bam, it came to us...
Fish sticks,
but on a truck!
Now all we need is
the perfect food-truck name.
I've got some ideas!
No, you're not
allowed to name it.
It's gonna be
some gross sex pun.
You gotta have
a gross sex pun
To rise to the top
of the food-truck game!
It gets attention and it makes
the food taste better.
There's no way it makes
the food taste better.
Uhp!
Save it for the beps!
The beps is this way!
Oh, Mr. Javitz,
I'm starting to think
We'll never get back
to the heyday.
I can't remember the last time
we had any youth in here.
And where there's no youth,
there's no perverts, obviously.
Holy youth-a-mole!
A youth!
The heyday is back, Mr. Javitz!
Smells like an old
fish tank in here.
Young boy! Stop!
Where you goin'
with that smooth skin?
I'm looking for a job,
But it seems like there
aren't any stores here?
Well, why work for a store
When you can work
for the whole mall?!
Erastus junipero horton,
mall caretaker.
I don't know if I want
to work for you, erastus.
Hey! I don't know
if I want to hire you!
That's why we do the interview,
you cocky s-o-b!
No college degree,
no high-school degree.
And you don't
have a résumé.
I had to grab this paper
from the printer
Just to give you a chance.
And look at it.
It's blank!
Steve, do you even
want to work here?
No!
Hmm.
Interesting.
And why is that?
This place is awful!
I gotta have you! You're
hired! What? Why?!
I like that you weren't afraid
to give me bad answers.
Come on.
I'll show you around.
This is the food court.
There's only one restaurant
right now,
But that should change
when Mr. Javitz comes back.
"Sloatmeal"?
Yep. Slow oatmeal.
If you're hungry, I hope you
brought something from home
Because at sloatmeal
you have to order
24 hours in advance.
So it's not
just a clever name.
I'm not even sure
it's that.
With so many stores
closing,
We've got a lot
of mannequins lying around.
You find any loosies,
you throw 'em in here.
Uh, Steve? Her dead,
flesh-colored eyes are up here.
Man, you are a lawsuit
waitin' to happen.
One of your main
responsibilities:
Watering the plants.
These look fake.
Oh, they are!
But Mr. Javitz likes
for them to look wet.
Roger, why do you bother
with this place?
Mr. Javitz
is the first person
To ever trust me
with this much responsibility.
And when a great man
shines his light on you...
Mmm-mmm-mmm!
Like an ant catchin' some rays
under a magnifying glass.
Alright.
Enjoy your first day!
Did I even agree
to work here?
I guess so.
Steve! You hungry?
We got extra oatmeal.
Mmm-mmm!
Tuttle,
do you work here?
No! I just come here
to exercise.
So I've gotten
to know the crew.
Hi. I'm lafrantz.
I own and operate
suit father part two.
Why "part two"?
Suitfather part one
used to be across the hall.
In the heyday,
this part of the mall
Was packed
with discount suit stores.
There was suit father part one,
suitplantation,
These suits
were made for buying,
Suitar center,
suit life of Zack & Cody,
And zoot suit buy-it.
Now I'm the only one left.
With everything closing, why
don't you move somewhere else?
I don't know. I guess
I'm attached to this place.
There's a lot of
good people here.
Hello.
That's Shania.
She runs tender hellos,
A very specific
greeting-card store.
That is specific.
Steve! It's terrible!
They're gonna demolish the mall!
That seems like
it could be the right move.
Stop! There are
people inside!
Not that many people,
but enough!
Relax! We're not
gonna blow it up now.
That's right!
We love to blow stuff up.
And we got so excited
That we came here
exactly one month early!
Well, you can't
blow up the mall
Without Mr. Javitz's
permission!
Oh, yes, we can!
Evil bankers!
Mr. Javitz hasn't been making
his mortgage payments.
If you can't get the money
by next month,
We're going to demolish the mall
and build condos!
Condos?! The worst
of all residences!
Steve, Mr. Javitz
is gonna come through
With that anchor store,
but we gotta buy him some time.
Okay. Fine.
Oh, thank you!
Check it out.
Got your wallet.
Let's see.
What have we got here?
Oh, my god!
You have a condom?!
Ohhhh noooo!
Oh geeeez!
How long has this
been in here?
Kid's got a rubber!
Oh, my god!
It's been in here so long,
There's, like, a circle
indented into the leather!
Oh, that is so sad.
That is so hilarious.
I'm gonna tell
everybody.
Anyway, here you go. Thanks
again for helping me, Steve.
I appreciate you so much.
Okay. Stream of consciousness.
Let the ideas flow.
Oh! What if we let a stream
flow through the mall?
Okay...
Fine. Something else.
We're trying to get back
to the heyday.
The hey... Day...
Oh!
What about a hay day?
We give everyone who comes
to the mall free hay!
Maybe we're too bound
by hay.
Do you think we could maybe
open it up to ideas beyond hay?
What am I saying?
Hay's our bread and butter!
What are they
doing here?
I thought maybe it would help
to get some outside opinions.
Sure. Sure.
Alright.
I guess my one question is,
if they have good ideas,
Wouldn't Mr. Javitz
have left them in charge?
Roger, when was the last time
you talked to Mr. Javitz?
Hmm. I would say...
9,000 sleeps?
That's like...
25 years!
Really? Wow!
I'm so good at waiting!
Why is no one is eating
at our food truck?
I don't get it.
We've got plenty of fish,
Which felt like it was
gonna be the biggest hurdle.
It's the name!
Please let me change the name!
But your idea
is so gross!
Fine.
What have we got to lose?
You won't regret this.
I need seven sticks...
Five battered,
Two double-dipped...
On the fly!
Look at all this cash!
We're rich!
Hey, I saw the name of your
truck, and I laughed so hard
I just had to try
your fish sticks!
Daniel!
You gotta get down here!
The food is just okay,
but the name? Oh, man!
It's kind of funny.
Wear something nice.
So, how can we get people
back in the mall?
My daughter
saved her rec center
By having
a dance competition.
I don't wanna copy her exactly,
so maybe...
Ski race?
I think erastus the caretaker
is breeding wild dogs
In the old
Miller's outpost location.
That's, uh...
Not really an idea.
No.
No, it's not.
"I wish there was something
to eat besides oatmeal."
You sell this card
in your store?
But that's it!
Roger, I've got it!
What is the beating heart
of any mall?
Mr. Javitz's
indomitable spirit?
No! The food court!
The key is the food court!
I don't know, Steve.
Unless you mean a food court
With, like,
a big food judge!
"I sentence you
to free hay!"
No, Roger!
We're gonna have
a food festival
And fill the food court
with food trucks.
Dad just texted me that
they have a whole fleet of them.
They're doing really well,
apparently.
Well, I guess we could
tack that onto the hay idea.
Okay. Go for it.
Yes!
We're gonna
save the mall!
Also, tuttle says you're
breeding wild dogs here?
If wild dogs are gonna be having
sex, which they are, a lot,
I would rather it be
under my supervision, Steve.
Don't bust my balls
on this.
♪ Well, we've got a lot, a lot,
a lot of hard work today ♪
♪ We've got to rock
at the government center ♪
♪ And make the secretaries
feel better ♪
♪ When they put those stamps
on the ledgers ♪
♪ And they got a lot, a lot, a
lot of great desks and chairs ♪
♪ Uh-huh,
at the government center ♪
♪ We gotta make the secretaries
feel better ♪
♪ When they put those stamps
on all those letters ♪
♪ We've got to rock-a, rock-a,
rock-a non-stop tonight ♪
♪ Uh-huh,
at the government center ♪
♪ Make the secretaries
feel better ♪
♪ When they put the stamps
on the ledgers ♪
Gotta hand it to ya,
Steve.
You were dead wrong
about the hay.
People showed up for it.
We have saved the mall!
For now. But how long can
we really keep this going?
We only have to hold on
until Mr. Javitz
Comes back with a tenant
for the anchor store!
But, Roger, people
don't go to malls anymore.
And, honestly, I don't think
Mr. Javitz is coming back.
Steve, there are things
we don't joke about...
Mr. Javitz not coming back
And the time
I shit my pants
Playing racquetball
with judd apatow.
You need to face it,
Roger!
Mr. Javitz abandoned the mall,
and he abandoned you!
You don't know that!
You don't know him!
How could I?!
He's been gone for 25 years!
Please stop saying
"25 years"!
Roger?
Roger?
Roger, I'm sorry.
I know I was a little harsh.
Here.
I just worry that with the mall
you're hanging on too tight.
Maybe it's time
to let go and admit
That Mr. Javitz isn't gonna
walk through that door.
You're right, Steve.
He isn't.
Because he's gonna
float through it!
And here he comes now!
Returning from
the dark realm.
Floats like a butterfly,
floats like a bee.
It's... The j man!
Mr. Javitz!
And this is Steve.
Steve,
you're blowing it.
Jesus. Call some girls
or something.
Wh... what's happening?!
Mr. Javitz
is a warlock, Steve!
This is why I was always
calling him the bone man.
You never
called him that!
Let's not play
"who said bone man when."
All I know
is that years ago,
I looked into Mr. Javitz's
glowing red eyes.
And I've been doing
his heinous bidding ever since.
And I never looked back,
unless I was bid to.
It's simple, Steve!
You see, the mall...
Is hungry.
Duh!
It is built
On an ancient evil spring
from which I draw my power!
And whenever it gets hungry,
every 25 years or so,
The fountain awakens
And I help it feed
on the living!
W-What's in it for you?
Eternal life?
No, no.
I already have that.
I guess I just do it
to be nice!
So all the people who came
to my food festival...
My family...
They're gonna die?!
The food festival
was your idea?!
So smart!
You brought in
so many souls!
Let's not downplay
the free hay.
Steve, do you think
You would ever
want to maybe...
Look into
my glowing red eyes
And become bound to me
for evermore?!
But you've
already got me!
Yes, but Steve is...
What's the word...
Better?
Go after him!
Obviously, I'm gonna
do this for you,
But before I go,
could I maybe just look into
Your glowing red eyes
for like one second?
Uhh...
Maybe later, dude.
Totally get it. Totally get it.
Keep on rockin'.
"Keep on rockin'"?
What... he's a warlock!
That's the best
you could come up with?
You're losing him!
Lafrantz! We gotta
evacuate the mall!
Everyone's gonna die!
Whoa. Easy.
Sounds like
you met Mr. Javitz!
Oh, no! Are you
working with him, too?
No. Relax!
When Mr. Javitz
feeds the mall,
Anyone it consumes has
their soul trapped here forever.
I'm trapped here
until my soul fades away
And I become a mannequin,
just like the others.
The mannequins
were people?!
Those of us who haven't
turned into mannequins yet
Were trying
to keep people away
By running terrible,
terrible stores.
Is everyone in the mall
a ghost?
No, but we don't have time
to go through that now.
I'll tell you later.
Listen. Shania and I have
a plan to save everyone.
Hi.
Mr. Javitz draws his power
from the fountain.
So we'll have to
destroy it.
Fortunately, the mall is
already wired with explosives
From the demolitions crew.
If we use those
to destroy the fountain,
The mall will never
be able to eat again.
I mean, I follow you,
but if anyone
Was high in their dorm room
trying to understand,
They might want to splash
some water on their face
And do a little rewind.
Let's do this!
Oh, Mr. Javitz.
Where did I lose you?
"You are here."
That's right.
And I always will be.
♪ Before he was here ♪
♪ You were here ♪
♪ And so was I ♪
♪ To my surprise ♪
♪ I was hypnotized ♪
♪ By your glowing red eyes ♪
♪ You are here ♪
♪ And so am I! ♪
Everyone run!
There's an evil warlock!
Nice try, buddy.
You gotta wait your turn
for donut whore.
♪ You believe you found
something in Steve ♪
♪ But he won't help you
kill them all ♪
♪ He won't help you
feed the mall ♪
♪ You are here ♪
♪ And so am I! ♪
The sprinklers
aren't strong enough!
Through the old baby gap
to safety!
You know, a lot of
my girlfriends ask me
What I see in you, Mr. J.,
Why I stick by you
when you treat me like this.
And I say, "listen, girls.
He's hypnotized me
with his glowing red eyes!"
♪ You are here ♪
♪ And so am I ♪
♪ One look at Steve ♪
♪ Made me believe ♪
♪ He will help me
kill them all ♪
♪ He will help me
feed the mall! ♪
♪ He is here ♪
♪ And so ♪
♪ So am I! ♪
♪ I should walk away ♪
♪ I should let go ♪
♪ I should admit
that this is over ♪
♪ But I don't know how ♪
♪ And that's
the theeeeeeme ♪
♪ You are here ♪
♪ And so ♪
♪ Am I ♪
Awaken, my evil spring!
It is time for your feast!
Also, I gotta tell you
about this kid Steve I met.
He's amazing!
Wut da heck is dis?!
They're all gone,
Mr. Javitz!
I saved them all!
I told you
he was amazing!
Steve, are you sure
You don't want to even glance
into my glowing red eyes?!
He's not interested!
Mr. Javitz,
you took everything from me,
And now I'm taking
everything from you.
And that's
perfectly suitable!
Nooooo!
Ungh! Mme eh! Ahh...
Or...
Lafrantz! No!
Nooooooo!
I never should've
hired you!
Aah!
I can't lose you, Steve!
Those glowing eyes.
They're so... Red.
At last you are mine!
Are you frickin'
kidding me?!
Aah!
Do you think
he'll be okay, Steve?
I just want him to learn
a lesson, you know?
This fountain
is the one thing
That can destroy me
forever!
Do you think he heard me
or did he say that randomly?
He's so random.
It's one of the things
I like most about him.
After his glowing red eyes,
of course.
All those years
of loyal service,
And he still
couldn't see me.
You were right, Steve.
I had to let go.
Steve? Are you listening
to me?
Oh, man.
Javitz got you good!
I've been there, buddy.
Enjoy the ride.
It's rewarding as hell.
Okay, dadders,
it's time to answer
Steve's question
about who was a ghost.
Me and Shania? Ghosts!
The guy who ran the
bazooka sharks socks store?
Not a ghost!
The lady who ran
the oatmeal store?
G-g-g-ghost!
The documentary crew?
One ghost, one regular!
Tuttle? You bet your ass
he was a Ghost!
Bye! Have a beautiful time!
of lanceton fashion Plaza,
I have loads
of important duties.
For example, every morning
I flip these switches.
I don't know what they do,
but I flip 'em.
Yeah, what are these?
A big part of what I do
Is unlocking the door
in the morning.
If I don't do that,
I can't lock it at night.
Which is a huge part
of what I do.
The mall's best days
are behind her,
But you should've seen
this place in the heyday.
It was filled with shoppers,
horny teens,
And the perverts
that come with them.
We still get some people.
Those are my bridge players.
A lively bunch,
but I'm pretty sure
The guy in the hat is dead.
Oh! Never mind. He moved.
In the heyday, this fountain was
the centerpiece of the I-f-p.
There was a water show
synchronized
To the "young guns ii"
soundtrack.
People used to come
from all over town
To watch her gush and squirt.
And when I say people,
I mean perverts.
Lot's of 'em.
This used to be Macy's.
But we don't have
an anchor store at the moment.
The owner of the mall,
Mr. Javitz,
Is away working on
finding a new tenant.
And he's got a pretty big fish
on the line.
It's a secret.
The secret belongs to Victoria.
That's all I know.
I'm hoping
for a big ol' Talbot's.
"American dad!" theme
playing on speakers...
A lot of people ask me
why I don't just quit.
"Malls are dying," they say.
But if Mr. Javitz
hasn't given up,
There's no way I can.
He is the greatest man
I've ever known.
Kind, generous,
And he knows basically
everything about rugby.
What are you doing?!
Yeah, this doesn't seem like
it's gonna be a good movie.
What's wrong?
Am I not talking enough?
We wanna make a documentary
about something fun!
Like monster trucks!
Vroom! Vroom!
Yeah! Monster trucks!
They're so loud and so big!
- Vroom! Vroom!
- Vroom-vroom!
Why can't I go to the good mall
and get a summer job there?
Because that's our mall,
And we don't want to risk
running into you.
Don't take this the wrong way,
but... You're kind of a nerd.
What is the right way
to take that?
Not like that.
Now if you'll excuse us,
we have a very important
Family meeting
at buca di beppo
To discuss the plan
for our new food truck.
Why can't I work on that?
Because it's our idea.
You weren't there
when we thought of it.
I'll always remember it.
You weren't there, and then,
bam, it came to us...
Fish sticks,
but on a truck!
Now all we need is
the perfect food-truck name.
I've got some ideas!
No, you're not
allowed to name it.
It's gonna be
some gross sex pun.
You gotta have
a gross sex pun
To rise to the top
of the food-truck game!
It gets attention and it makes
the food taste better.
There's no way it makes
the food taste better.
Uhp!
Save it for the beps!
The beps is this way!
Oh, Mr. Javitz,
I'm starting to think
We'll never get back
to the heyday.
I can't remember the last time
we had any youth in here.
And where there's no youth,
there's no perverts, obviously.
Holy youth-a-mole!
A youth!
The heyday is back, Mr. Javitz!
Smells like an old
fish tank in here.
Young boy! Stop!
Where you goin'
with that smooth skin?
I'm looking for a job,
But it seems like there
aren't any stores here?
Well, why work for a store
When you can work
for the whole mall?!
Erastus junipero horton,
mall caretaker.
I don't know if I want
to work for you, erastus.
Hey! I don't know
if I want to hire you!
That's why we do the interview,
you cocky s-o-b!
No college degree,
no high-school degree.
And you don't
have a résumé.
I had to grab this paper
from the printer
Just to give you a chance.
And look at it.
It's blank!
Steve, do you even
want to work here?
No!
Hmm.
Interesting.
And why is that?
This place is awful!
I gotta have you! You're
hired! What? Why?!
I like that you weren't afraid
to give me bad answers.
Come on.
I'll show you around.
This is the food court.
There's only one restaurant
right now,
But that should change
when Mr. Javitz comes back.
"Sloatmeal"?
Yep. Slow oatmeal.
If you're hungry, I hope you
brought something from home
Because at sloatmeal
you have to order
24 hours in advance.
So it's not
just a clever name.
I'm not even sure
it's that.
With so many stores
closing,
We've got a lot
of mannequins lying around.
You find any loosies,
you throw 'em in here.
Uh, Steve? Her dead,
flesh-colored eyes are up here.
Man, you are a lawsuit
waitin' to happen.
One of your main
responsibilities:
Watering the plants.
These look fake.
Oh, they are!
But Mr. Javitz likes
for them to look wet.
Roger, why do you bother
with this place?
Mr. Javitz
is the first person
To ever trust me
with this much responsibility.
And when a great man
shines his light on you...
Mmm-mmm-mmm!
Like an ant catchin' some rays
under a magnifying glass.
Alright.
Enjoy your first day!
Did I even agree
to work here?
I guess so.
Steve! You hungry?
We got extra oatmeal.
Mmm-mmm!
Tuttle,
do you work here?
No! I just come here
to exercise.
So I've gotten
to know the crew.
Hi. I'm lafrantz.
I own and operate
suit father part two.
Why "part two"?
Suitfather part one
used to be across the hall.
In the heyday,
this part of the mall
Was packed
with discount suit stores.
There was suit father part one,
suitplantation,
These suits
were made for buying,
Suitar center,
suit life of Zack & Cody,
And zoot suit buy-it.
Now I'm the only one left.
With everything closing, why
don't you move somewhere else?
I don't know. I guess
I'm attached to this place.
There's a lot of
good people here.
Hello.
That's Shania.
She runs tender hellos,
A very specific
greeting-card store.
That is specific.
Steve! It's terrible!
They're gonna demolish the mall!
That seems like
it could be the right move.
Stop! There are
people inside!
Not that many people,
but enough!
Relax! We're not
gonna blow it up now.
That's right!
We love to blow stuff up.
And we got so excited
That we came here
exactly one month early!
Well, you can't
blow up the mall
Without Mr. Javitz's
permission!
Oh, yes, we can!
Evil bankers!
Mr. Javitz hasn't been making
his mortgage payments.
If you can't get the money
by next month,
We're going to demolish the mall
and build condos!
Condos?! The worst
of all residences!
Steve, Mr. Javitz
is gonna come through
With that anchor store,
but we gotta buy him some time.
Okay. Fine.
Oh, thank you!
Check it out.
Got your wallet.
Let's see.
What have we got here?
Oh, my god!
You have a condom?!
Ohhhh noooo!
Oh geeeez!
How long has this
been in here?
Kid's got a rubber!
Oh, my god!
It's been in here so long,
There's, like, a circle
indented into the leather!
Oh, that is so sad.
That is so hilarious.
I'm gonna tell
everybody.
Anyway, here you go. Thanks
again for helping me, Steve.
I appreciate you so much.
Okay. Stream of consciousness.
Let the ideas flow.
Oh! What if we let a stream
flow through the mall?
Okay...
Fine. Something else.
We're trying to get back
to the heyday.
The hey... Day...
Oh!
What about a hay day?
We give everyone who comes
to the mall free hay!
Maybe we're too bound
by hay.
Do you think we could maybe
open it up to ideas beyond hay?
What am I saying?
Hay's our bread and butter!
What are they
doing here?
I thought maybe it would help
to get some outside opinions.
Sure. Sure.
Alright.
I guess my one question is,
if they have good ideas,
Wouldn't Mr. Javitz
have left them in charge?
Roger, when was the last time
you talked to Mr. Javitz?
Hmm. I would say...
9,000 sleeps?
That's like...
25 years!
Really? Wow!
I'm so good at waiting!
Why is no one is eating
at our food truck?
I don't get it.
We've got plenty of fish,
Which felt like it was
gonna be the biggest hurdle.
It's the name!
Please let me change the name!
But your idea
is so gross!
Fine.
What have we got to lose?
You won't regret this.
I need seven sticks...
Five battered,
Two double-dipped...
On the fly!
Look at all this cash!
We're rich!
Hey, I saw the name of your
truck, and I laughed so hard
I just had to try
your fish sticks!
Daniel!
You gotta get down here!
The food is just okay,
but the name? Oh, man!
It's kind of funny.
Wear something nice.
So, how can we get people
back in the mall?
My daughter
saved her rec center
By having
a dance competition.
I don't wanna copy her exactly,
so maybe...
Ski race?
I think erastus the caretaker
is breeding wild dogs
In the old
Miller's outpost location.
That's, uh...
Not really an idea.
No.
No, it's not.
"I wish there was something
to eat besides oatmeal."
You sell this card
in your store?
But that's it!
Roger, I've got it!
What is the beating heart
of any mall?
Mr. Javitz's
indomitable spirit?
No! The food court!
The key is the food court!
I don't know, Steve.
Unless you mean a food court
With, like,
a big food judge!
"I sentence you
to free hay!"
No, Roger!
We're gonna have
a food festival
And fill the food court
with food trucks.
Dad just texted me that
they have a whole fleet of them.
They're doing really well,
apparently.
Well, I guess we could
tack that onto the hay idea.
Okay. Go for it.
Yes!
We're gonna
save the mall!
Also, tuttle says you're
breeding wild dogs here?
If wild dogs are gonna be having
sex, which they are, a lot,
I would rather it be
under my supervision, Steve.
Don't bust my balls
on this.
♪ Well, we've got a lot, a lot,
a lot of hard work today ♪
♪ We've got to rock
at the government center ♪
♪ And make the secretaries
feel better ♪
♪ When they put those stamps
on the ledgers ♪
♪ And they got a lot, a lot, a
lot of great desks and chairs ♪
♪ Uh-huh,
at the government center ♪
♪ We gotta make the secretaries
feel better ♪
♪ When they put those stamps
on all those letters ♪
♪ We've got to rock-a, rock-a,
rock-a non-stop tonight ♪
♪ Uh-huh,
at the government center ♪
♪ Make the secretaries
feel better ♪
♪ When they put the stamps
on the ledgers ♪
Gotta hand it to ya,
Steve.
You were dead wrong
about the hay.
People showed up for it.
We have saved the mall!
For now. But how long can
we really keep this going?
We only have to hold on
until Mr. Javitz
Comes back with a tenant
for the anchor store!
But, Roger, people
don't go to malls anymore.
And, honestly, I don't think
Mr. Javitz is coming back.
Steve, there are things
we don't joke about...
Mr. Javitz not coming back
And the time
I shit my pants
Playing racquetball
with judd apatow.
You need to face it,
Roger!
Mr. Javitz abandoned the mall,
and he abandoned you!
You don't know that!
You don't know him!
How could I?!
He's been gone for 25 years!
Please stop saying
"25 years"!
Roger?
Roger?
Roger, I'm sorry.
I know I was a little harsh.
Here.
I just worry that with the mall
you're hanging on too tight.
Maybe it's time
to let go and admit
That Mr. Javitz isn't gonna
walk through that door.
You're right, Steve.
He isn't.
Because he's gonna
float through it!
And here he comes now!
Returning from
the dark realm.
Floats like a butterfly,
floats like a bee.
It's... The j man!
Mr. Javitz!
And this is Steve.
Steve,
you're blowing it.
Jesus. Call some girls
or something.
Wh... what's happening?!
Mr. Javitz
is a warlock, Steve!
This is why I was always
calling him the bone man.
You never
called him that!
Let's not play
"who said bone man when."
All I know
is that years ago,
I looked into Mr. Javitz's
glowing red eyes.
And I've been doing
his heinous bidding ever since.
And I never looked back,
unless I was bid to.
It's simple, Steve!
You see, the mall...
Is hungry.
Duh!
It is built
On an ancient evil spring
from which I draw my power!
And whenever it gets hungry,
every 25 years or so,
The fountain awakens
And I help it feed
on the living!
W-What's in it for you?
Eternal life?
No, no.
I already have that.
I guess I just do it
to be nice!
So all the people who came
to my food festival...
My family...
They're gonna die?!
The food festival
was your idea?!
So smart!
You brought in
so many souls!
Let's not downplay
the free hay.
Steve, do you think
You would ever
want to maybe...
Look into
my glowing red eyes
And become bound to me
for evermore?!
But you've
already got me!
Yes, but Steve is...
What's the word...
Better?
Go after him!
Obviously, I'm gonna
do this for you,
But before I go,
could I maybe just look into
Your glowing red eyes
for like one second?
Uhh...
Maybe later, dude.
Totally get it. Totally get it.
Keep on rockin'.
"Keep on rockin'"?
What... he's a warlock!
That's the best
you could come up with?
You're losing him!
Lafrantz! We gotta
evacuate the mall!
Everyone's gonna die!
Whoa. Easy.
Sounds like
you met Mr. Javitz!
Oh, no! Are you
working with him, too?
No. Relax!
When Mr. Javitz
feeds the mall,
Anyone it consumes has
their soul trapped here forever.
I'm trapped here
until my soul fades away
And I become a mannequin,
just like the others.
The mannequins
were people?!
Those of us who haven't
turned into mannequins yet
Were trying
to keep people away
By running terrible,
terrible stores.
Is everyone in the mall
a ghost?
No, but we don't have time
to go through that now.
I'll tell you later.
Listen. Shania and I have
a plan to save everyone.
Hi.
Mr. Javitz draws his power
from the fountain.
So we'll have to
destroy it.
Fortunately, the mall is
already wired with explosives
From the demolitions crew.
If we use those
to destroy the fountain,
The mall will never
be able to eat again.
I mean, I follow you,
but if anyone
Was high in their dorm room
trying to understand,
They might want to splash
some water on their face
And do a little rewind.
Let's do this!
Oh, Mr. Javitz.
Where did I lose you?
"You are here."
That's right.
And I always will be.
♪ Before he was here ♪
♪ You were here ♪
♪ And so was I ♪
♪ To my surprise ♪
♪ I was hypnotized ♪
♪ By your glowing red eyes ♪
♪ You are here ♪
♪ And so am I! ♪
Everyone run!
There's an evil warlock!
Nice try, buddy.
You gotta wait your turn
for donut whore.
♪ You believe you found
something in Steve ♪
♪ But he won't help you
kill them all ♪
♪ He won't help you
feed the mall ♪
♪ You are here ♪
♪ And so am I! ♪
The sprinklers
aren't strong enough!
Through the old baby gap
to safety!
You know, a lot of
my girlfriends ask me
What I see in you, Mr. J.,
Why I stick by you
when you treat me like this.
And I say, "listen, girls.
He's hypnotized me
with his glowing red eyes!"
♪ You are here ♪
♪ And so am I ♪
♪ One look at Steve ♪
♪ Made me believe ♪
♪ He will help me
kill them all ♪
♪ He will help me
feed the mall! ♪
♪ He is here ♪
♪ And so ♪
♪ So am I! ♪
♪ I should walk away ♪
♪ I should let go ♪
♪ I should admit
that this is over ♪
♪ But I don't know how ♪
♪ And that's
the theeeeeeme ♪
♪ You are here ♪
♪ And so ♪
♪ Am I ♪
Awaken, my evil spring!
It is time for your feast!
Also, I gotta tell you
about this kid Steve I met.
He's amazing!
Wut da heck is dis?!
They're all gone,
Mr. Javitz!
I saved them all!
I told you
he was amazing!
Steve, are you sure
You don't want to even glance
into my glowing red eyes?!
He's not interested!
Mr. Javitz,
you took everything from me,
And now I'm taking
everything from you.
And that's
perfectly suitable!
Nooooo!
Ungh! Mme eh! Ahh...
Or...
Lafrantz! No!
Nooooooo!
I never should've
hired you!
Aah!
I can't lose you, Steve!
Those glowing eyes.
They're so... Red.
At last you are mine!
Are you frickin'
kidding me?!
Aah!
Do you think
he'll be okay, Steve?
I just want him to learn
a lesson, you know?
This fountain
is the one thing
That can destroy me
forever!
Do you think he heard me
or did he say that randomly?
He's so random.
It's one of the things
I like most about him.
After his glowing red eyes,
of course.
All those years
of loyal service,
And he still
couldn't see me.
You were right, Steve.
I had to let go.
Steve? Are you listening
to me?
Oh, man.
Javitz got you good!
I've been there, buddy.
Enjoy the ride.
It's rewarding as hell.
Okay, dadders,
it's time to answer
Steve's question
about who was a ghost.
Me and Shania? Ghosts!
The guy who ran the
bazooka sharks socks store?
Not a ghost!
The lady who ran
the oatmeal store?
G-g-g-ghost!
The documentary crew?
One ghost, one regular!
Tuttle? You bet your ass
he was a Ghost!
Bye! Have a beautiful time!