American Dad! (2005–…): Season 14, Episode 17 - Enter Stanman - full transcript
Kids!
Sack-lunch call!
For mama's special little superhero,
a Batman PB&J.
Oh, boy!
My bullies love Batman.
Thanks, Mom.
- For Hayley...
- Mom, I work at a sub shop.
I literally get paid to
eat sandwiches all day.
But are any of your sandwiches at work
rocket ships?
Whiz-bang! Thanks, Mom.
And for Roger...
Chris Pine, Chris Pine, Chris Pine.
... Chris Pine!
Hooray! Thanks, Mom!
Do you have anything for me, Mrs. S?
Well, since it's just you and me now,
I guess you can have...
[MOANING] this.
[BOTH MOANING]
[MOANING CONTINUES]
Ah! Oh!
Those were the plates
we bought at Epcot Center.
Those were the plates
we bought at Epcot Center.
Alright, Jeffy boy,
time for old Francine to have a...
sack... lunch... of her own.
JEFF: Mrs. S!
[GASPS] What a crazy dream!
No more hot sauce right
before bed for me.
_
Well, maybe just
one more teensy, little taste.
♪
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
Aah!
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
Hayley, will you please pass the
Dr. Buttblast Atomic Fart Sauce?
[LAUGHS]
What's so funny, Mom?
Oh, nothing.
I just... [CHUCKLES]
Oh, it... it... it's... It's nothing.
[CHUCKLES]
- Just got the giggles?
- Okay.
Well, here's the silly thing.
Last night, I had the silliest dream.
And in this dream...
[LAUGHS]
I... [CHUCKLES]
... had sex with Jeff!
[LAUGHS]
[SLURPS]
- [SPITS]
- [LAUGHTER]
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
You... and Jeff,
with his floppy, little ding-dong?
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
I mean, can you imagine?!
- [LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
- Look at me.
I'm Francine and Jeff.
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
Ahh! Francine, can I rap at you
in the living room real quick?
So funny, that thing about the dream.
Love it. Just hilarious.
On a totally unrelated note,
I just wanted to ask you
to do me one tiny, little favor
and simply never sleep again.
Deal? Great.
And, by the way,
I think Steve bent a fork.
Oh, Stan.
It was just a dumb dream.
It doesn't mean anything.
Now, are you gonna be able
to be an adult about this?
Of courssssssse...
not.
♪ Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum ♪
♪ Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum ♪
THE CHORDETTES: ♪ Mr. Sandman ♪
- [YAWNS]
- ♪ Bring me a dream ♪
- ♪ Bum, bum, bum, bum ♪
- [CHAIN SAW WHIRRING]
♪ Make him the cutest
that I've ever seen ♪
♪ Bum, bum, bum, bum ♪
♪ Give him two lips ♪
- ♪ Like roses and clover ♪
- [GENERATOR RUMBLES]
♪ Bum, bum, bum, bum ♪
♪ Then tell him that
his lonesome nights are... ♪
- [AIR HORN BLOWS]
- [GASPS]
♪ Mr. Sandman ♪
♪ I'm so alone ♪
♪ Bum, bum, bum, bum ♪
♪ Don't have nobody to call my own ♪
♪ Bum, bum, bum, bum ♪
♪ Please turn on your magic beam ♪
- [PIGS SCREECHING, GRUNTING]
- [HAMMERING POUNDING]
Delmer, I just want to say
you have been such a help
these last few days.
Stan! Enough!
We're going to deal with this... now!
Yikes. Time to go.
- [SCREAMING]
- [PIGS GROWLING]
Wow. That was fast.
Wait. I thought Dr. Penguin died.
Unfortunately, yes, he did.
I'm Dr. Penguin's
twin brother... by marriage...
- Dr. Buttblast.
- [GASPS]
Are you the Dr. Buttblast
from the hot sauce?!
- [LAUGHING]
- Oh, no.
No, no. I-I get that a lot.
Although, I am trying
to get into the hot-sauce game.
Tough racket, though.
Got to have a big,
crazy name and label art.
Can we get started, please?
Alright, Stan, first question...
How do you think you'd feel...
about a hot sauce called
Professor Fartmore's Habanero
Ass Hair Incinerator?
What we came here to talk about
is Francine cheating on me!
It was just one stupid dream, Stan.
But people follow their dreams.
I heard that somewhere.
And if you follow yours,
it means you'll end up leaving me.
Hmm. Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
- _
Stan, I can't control my dreams,
but I promise
I'm not going to leave you.
So will you promise me
that you'll let this go?
Alright.
I promise.
Bingo!
_
[INSECTS CHIRPING]
[YAWNING] I'm bushed.
I think I'm gonna turn in.
Alright, hon. Good night.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[INTERNALLY] Who might
she be dreaming about now?
[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYS]
♪ If I could only know ♪
♪ Exactly what she's dreaming of ♪
♪ Then I would not fret so ♪
♪ What if she's boning Bullock ♪
♪ Or shining it with Dick ♪
♪ Or swackin' ass with Jeff again? ♪
♪ My God, I'm worried sick ♪
[GONG SOUNDS]
♪ You can go in dreams ♪
♪ If you want to ♪
♪ You can go in dreams ♪
♪ We can help you to ♪
You look so hot as a cat.
You, too, you little minx.
Get over here.
[BOTH MOANING]
Roger! What the hell is going on?
The song was all true, Stan.
Going inside people's dreams
is one of my alien powers.
Matter of fact, we're in one
of your dreams right now.
So, what are you saying?
Well, I figured
maybe I could take you with
me into Francine's dreams
so you can make sure
she's not doing the nasty.
Then again, that would be
breaking your promise to her
to let the whole thing go.
- Aah!
- [THUD]
Bedroom... now!
We're getting in them dreams, baby!
It's finally happening.
You're dragging me to your bedroom.
Keep calm, Roger. Stay in the moment.
Enjoy this.
- So, how do we...
- Relax, Stan.
It's super-easy, totally painless.
- All I have to do is this.
- [GRUNTS]
And like this.
[GROANS]
Alright, here we go.
Welcome to Francine's dreamscape.
Have a look around.
There's all sorts of crazy stuff
in this place.
- [ORGAN PLAYING]
- A pipe organ made of intestines?
A little creepy, but I'll allow it.
Octopus with Steve's face?
A little zany, but I'll allow it.
Wow! Get a load of this fern.
So lush.
Only in the fantastic world of dreams.
Huh. Maybe I don't have
anything to worry about.
[DISTANT MOANING]
My sex senses are tingling.
Out of the way, geek.
Oh... [BABY FUSSING]
Oh, those weren't
sex sounds. It was a baby.
[BABY CRYING]
Oh, Stan, my poor little baby.
Is that how Francine sees me?
As a whiny, little freak of a baby?
[LAUGHING] Looks like it.
No wonder she's having sex
dreams about other people.
She doesn't even see me as a man.
Well, maybe if you start acting
like more of a big, macho man
around her, that'll change.
Then again, maybe the right thing to do
is just let it go, like you...
Stan big fan of big-man plan!
Dear Lord, please bless this food
and all the gross employees
at Boston Market who made it.
ALL: Amen.
- [ENGINE REVS]
- [TIRES SCREECH]
Is this what a baby would do?
What? Stan, what's going on?
Are those stick-on Garfield tattoos?
Here, want me to cut your steak?
I'm a grown man. I can do it myself.
- Aah!
- Oh, honey!
I'll get a Band-Aid.
No! I don't need any help.
Blacking... out.
Not much... time.
Does a baby have this?
[SPLAT]
[GROANS, THUDS]
[INSECTS CHIRPING]
What if we did, like, a giant devil
pissing hot sauce right
into King Kong's mouth?
I'm not making a hot sauce...
[SHOUTING] for soccer moms, Klaus!
I said "bold"!
[SCREAMS]
Pft, so, I was just thinking
about how much I killed it
with all that macho stuff at dinner.
So, pretty much, I'm not worried
about Francine at all anymore,
but, hey, maybe let's go pop
into her dreams really quick
just to make sure it worked?
[SCREAMS]
[GRUNTS]
[FRANCINE LAUGHING]
[GASPING]
[LAUGHING]
Oh, Stan.
I've transformed from a baby
into a buffoon!
Not exactly.
Here, I'll let Stevetopus explain.
You see, Francine's subconscious
has created many
different versions of you.
Whichever one best fits her current
perception of you in real life
is the one that's most powerful
and visible at any given moment,
but the rest are always
down here somewhere.
That's your anger.
[ROARS]
Your emotional unavailability.
- [LAUGHING]
- Your dorky side.
Your lesbian-grandmother side.
What's that one?
ROGER: Oh, another fern lover, I see.
That's your insecurity...
A real nasty dude.
We call him Stanferatu.
[HISSES]
These guys all suck!
Well, there are good ones,
too, you haven't seen yet.
What does that matter
if she also sees me
as this collection of goons?!
There she is now.
I'm gonna go give her
a piece of my mind.
[GASPS] Are you crazy?!
A human dream-stormer
can never let a host become
aware of his presence.
I call it dream-storming, by the way.
Pretty cool, right?
Don't you know the most basic
rules of dream-storming?!
No. Why would I?
You've been going inside my dreams?!
Oh, don't try to turn this around on me.
You're the one who's been letting
that subconscious of yours
run wild, thinking me up
as some kind of bunch
of Garbage Pail Kids.
I can't believe you're so insecure
that you're actually
invading my dreams!
How dare you?!
She's right.
I'm going to do the right thing
and leave well enough alone.
I mean it this time.
BULLOCK: "And Stan stayed
true to his word
and never meddled in
Francine's dreams again."
And as for Francine,
well, she left Stan
and started having sex
with Jeff for reals.
All the different kinds of sex...
Oral, anal, hand stuff,
whatever you call it when you
push the genitals together
and just mash them around.
And why?
Because she knows you're a pathetic...
[DISTORTED] little worm of a man, Stan.
[GASPS]
Just one more time, Roger.
I have an idea.
[YAWNING] Okay.
- Here we go.
- Wait.
- What are you doing?
- Same as usual.
I just have to touch you
both at the same time.
Then why were you sticking your
fingers in our eyes before?
That's a way of touching.
Since trying to change
how Francine saw me
in the real world didn't work,
I figured I'd do it right
here at the source...
Her subconscious...
By making these creeps
look cool and sexy.
There she is.
[ECHOING FOOTSTEPS]
Showtime! [WHISTLES]
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ What a Stan,
what a Stan, what a Stan ♪
♪ What a Stan,
what a Stan, what a Stan ♪
♪ What a mighty good Stan ♪
♪ What a mighty, mighty good Stan ♪
♪ You're a fan of this man, sexy Stan ♪
♪ Such an awesome, hot Stan ♪
♪ I said, what a mighty good Stan ♪
[GRUNTING]
Damn it! You're such idiots.
- [RUMBLING]
- Stan!
[STRAINS]
[DISTANTLY] You're in my dreams again.
Oh, no. You let the host see you.
It's a dreamquake!
Get back over here and
do it like I showed you.
[GROANS]
[SCREAMING]
You killed him.
They can be killed?
Good. Give me that sword, geek.
Now Francine won't see
me as an ogre anymore.
- [GRUNTS]
- [SWORD SHINKS]
Or a dork! Or a... a...
I don't... I don't know.
Slenderman?
[ECHOING] Stop it, Stan!
Your insecurity is making
Stanferatu stronger.
With the dream disintegrating,
he could use me as a
portal to the real world!
- What?!
- Come on, Stan.
This is dream-storming 101.
Oh, God. It's too late.
He's going in my eye, Stan!
It sucks!
- [GROANING]
- [PANTING]
[ROARS]
I had a nightmare
and I was gonna ask to sleep
with you guys, but...
clearly, you're dealing
with something else.
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS]
[EXHALES DEEPLY] That's better.
What happened? Where's Francine?
What happened? Where's Francine?
Did that monster, Stanferatu, take her?
I don't think so, Stan,
'cause he's right there
behind the dresser.
What have you done
with Francine, you ghoul?
I did not take her.
She was lost in the dreamquake,
her soul and body both.
Now she's adrift in the ethereal domain.
The what?
The collective dream realm
that connects all dreams
and all dreamers.
This is real basic stuff.
I don't really think he wants to learn.
She's a dream nomad now,
who must roam from dream to dream.
To find her, we must find her host.
Stan, have you considered
that maybe Francine
went to this place on purpose
to get away from you?
[HISSES]
He's against us.
We will find Francine and reclaim her.
She is ours!
You know, this guy's
kind of speaking my language here.
So it's settled.
Stan and Stanferatu on the case.
Put her there, partner.
Damn! I am loving your long fingers.
You're probably
a pretty fast typer, huh?
I would love to get you
behind the keyboard
and watch you fire off a few paragraphs.
Uh, Dad, what's the deal
with this guy again?
Yeah, he keeps stealing our peas
and accusing us of parsimony.
[HISSES]
My peas.
Stanferatu gets a bad rap,
but he's a great guy
once you get to know him.
And he's always got my back.
The boy seeks to outlive you.
Is this true, Steve?
With the natural order of
things being what it is...
Thank you for bringing this
to my attention, Stanferatu.
Look, the most important thing
is Stanferatu is helping
me find your mother.
He called in to Rush Limbaugh
and really talked it up.
[CELLPHONE DINGS]
Bingo! We got a lead.
E-mail from some yokel downstate.
Apparently, some people around there
have been dreaming about Francine.
It's a good thing you got
Stanferatu to help you now,
because I've got a big
pitch at Frank's RedHot.
Klaus is actually just about
to show me the final artwork.
I give you...
- your hot-sauce label.
- _
It's perfect.
Just like the Mona Lisa's eyes,
the donkey's prolapsed anus
follows you wherever you go.
Yep. Mm-hmm.
I saw'n that lady in my dreams, alright.
- Did you [BLEEP] her?!
- No, sir.
Jesus, Stanferatu.
Sir, we need to go inside your dreams.
Won't do you no good.
Stopped dreaming about
her a couple days ago.
I mean, a dream nomad
can only dwell in the etherium
of any given host for 48 hours.
How do you know this?!
Oh, I see.
Us country bumpkins
are too stupid to know
about the ethereal domain.
Is that right?
Every possible host we've talked too,
we've been too late.
I'm starting to lose hope
we'll ever get to one
while Francine's still there.
You're not thinking
of ditching me, are you, Stan?
What? No. You're my day-one homey.
You know that.
Stanferatu,
have you been trying
to get into my phone?
Look at this. I'm locked out,
and it's covered in chicken grease.
[SNORING]
I know you're not really sleeping.
Are we friends, Stan?
Yes. I told you.
Are we best friends?
I mean, sure, yeah.
I... I-I-I got to go to the bathroom.
[DOOR CLOSES]
STANFERATU: What are you doing in there?
I'm just trying to take a shit, man!
Come on!
I need to know
you're not going to leave me!
Let me in!
Oh, my God.
Is this what
I've been doing to Francine?
Suffocating her with my own insecurity?
- [DOOR RATTLING]
- [STRAINING]
[THUDS]
Aah!
Lies!
All lies!
Dad! Did you find mom?
No, Son.
I'm afraid she might be gone for good.
You'll probably have
to go live with Tuttle.
[SHUDDERING] Oh... I miss mom so much.
- Last night, I dreamt of two of her.
- Say that again!
- Last night, I dreamt...
- Shut up! There's no time.
Get in the car.
I'll ether you on the way.
_
- Mr. Buttblast...
- Doctor.
We...
love your hot sauce.
And just as long as nothing
weird happens
in the next few minutes,
I'd say we have a deal.
- [DOOR SLAMS OPEN]
- STAN: Roger,
we need to go inside the boy.
Francine!
Stan, I should have known,
sooner or later, you'd find me
and drag me back home.
So let's just get it over with and go...
No. I didn't come to take you home.
Spending time with
Stanferatu made me understand
how awful it feels when someone you love
won't trust you enough to
just give you some space.
So I only came to tell you...
I'm sorry.
And if you ever decide
you've had enough space,
I'll be waiting for you.
Stan?
Thank you.
I knew you would betray me, Stan!
So I will kill you
and claim Francine for my own!
[HISSES]
[SNARLING]
- [SHOUTING]
- [GRUNTING]
Stan!
Stanferatu's too strong for you
in the dream realm!
Wait.
His power comes from my insecurity.
[STRAINS]
Steve, dream us up Jeff.
Hiya.
[GROANS] If I can be confident enough
to stand by while Jeff
really works you over...
[STRAINS] that should
weaken Stanferatu enough
for me to defeat him.
I'm not gonna have sex with Jeff!
[STRAINS] Fine.
Then I'll have sex with Jeff.
What?! How the hell would that...
[GROWLS]
Well, I guess it is a good distraction.
Dream sword!
[SWORD SHINKS]
[GROANING]
Aah!
Aah!
What a crazy dream.
No more Colonel Buttchug's
Irradiated Sphincter Scorcher
right before bed for me.
Well, maybe just
one more teensy, little taste.
[SCREAMS]
Bye! Have a beautiful time!
Sack-lunch call!
For mama's special little superhero,
a Batman PB&J.
Oh, boy!
My bullies love Batman.
Thanks, Mom.
- For Hayley...
- Mom, I work at a sub shop.
I literally get paid to
eat sandwiches all day.
But are any of your sandwiches at work
rocket ships?
Whiz-bang! Thanks, Mom.
And for Roger...
Chris Pine, Chris Pine, Chris Pine.
... Chris Pine!
Hooray! Thanks, Mom!
Do you have anything for me, Mrs. S?
Well, since it's just you and me now,
I guess you can have...
[MOANING] this.
[BOTH MOANING]
[MOANING CONTINUES]
Ah! Oh!
Those were the plates
we bought at Epcot Center.
Those were the plates
we bought at Epcot Center.
Alright, Jeffy boy,
time for old Francine to have a...
sack... lunch... of her own.
JEFF: Mrs. S!
[GASPS] What a crazy dream!
No more hot sauce right
before bed for me.
_
Well, maybe just
one more teensy, little taste.
♪
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
Aah!
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
Hayley, will you please pass the
Dr. Buttblast Atomic Fart Sauce?
[LAUGHS]
What's so funny, Mom?
Oh, nothing.
I just... [CHUCKLES]
Oh, it... it... it's... It's nothing.
[CHUCKLES]
- Just got the giggles?
- Okay.
Well, here's the silly thing.
Last night, I had the silliest dream.
And in this dream...
[LAUGHS]
I... [CHUCKLES]
... had sex with Jeff!
[LAUGHS]
[SLURPS]
- [SPITS]
- [LAUGHTER]
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
You... and Jeff,
with his floppy, little ding-dong?
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
I mean, can you imagine?!
- [LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
- Look at me.
I'm Francine and Jeff.
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
Ahh! Francine, can I rap at you
in the living room real quick?
So funny, that thing about the dream.
Love it. Just hilarious.
On a totally unrelated note,
I just wanted to ask you
to do me one tiny, little favor
and simply never sleep again.
Deal? Great.
And, by the way,
I think Steve bent a fork.
Oh, Stan.
It was just a dumb dream.
It doesn't mean anything.
Now, are you gonna be able
to be an adult about this?
Of courssssssse...
not.
♪ Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum ♪
♪ Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum ♪
THE CHORDETTES: ♪ Mr. Sandman ♪
- [YAWNS]
- ♪ Bring me a dream ♪
- ♪ Bum, bum, bum, bum ♪
- [CHAIN SAW WHIRRING]
♪ Make him the cutest
that I've ever seen ♪
♪ Bum, bum, bum, bum ♪
♪ Give him two lips ♪
- ♪ Like roses and clover ♪
- [GENERATOR RUMBLES]
♪ Bum, bum, bum, bum ♪
♪ Then tell him that
his lonesome nights are... ♪
- [AIR HORN BLOWS]
- [GASPS]
♪ Mr. Sandman ♪
♪ I'm so alone ♪
♪ Bum, bum, bum, bum ♪
♪ Don't have nobody to call my own ♪
♪ Bum, bum, bum, bum ♪
♪ Please turn on your magic beam ♪
- [PIGS SCREECHING, GRUNTING]
- [HAMMERING POUNDING]
Delmer, I just want to say
you have been such a help
these last few days.
Stan! Enough!
We're going to deal with this... now!
Yikes. Time to go.
- [SCREAMING]
- [PIGS GROWLING]
Wow. That was fast.
Wait. I thought Dr. Penguin died.
Unfortunately, yes, he did.
I'm Dr. Penguin's
twin brother... by marriage...
- Dr. Buttblast.
- [GASPS]
Are you the Dr. Buttblast
from the hot sauce?!
- [LAUGHING]
- Oh, no.
No, no. I-I get that a lot.
Although, I am trying
to get into the hot-sauce game.
Tough racket, though.
Got to have a big,
crazy name and label art.
Can we get started, please?
Alright, Stan, first question...
How do you think you'd feel...
about a hot sauce called
Professor Fartmore's Habanero
Ass Hair Incinerator?
What we came here to talk about
is Francine cheating on me!
It was just one stupid dream, Stan.
But people follow their dreams.
I heard that somewhere.
And if you follow yours,
it means you'll end up leaving me.
Hmm. Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
- _
Stan, I can't control my dreams,
but I promise
I'm not going to leave you.
So will you promise me
that you'll let this go?
Alright.
I promise.
Bingo!
_
[INSECTS CHIRPING]
[YAWNING] I'm bushed.
I think I'm gonna turn in.
Alright, hon. Good night.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[INTERNALLY] Who might
she be dreaming about now?
[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYS]
♪ If I could only know ♪
♪ Exactly what she's dreaming of ♪
♪ Then I would not fret so ♪
♪ What if she's boning Bullock ♪
♪ Or shining it with Dick ♪
♪ Or swackin' ass with Jeff again? ♪
♪ My God, I'm worried sick ♪
[GONG SOUNDS]
♪ You can go in dreams ♪
♪ If you want to ♪
♪ You can go in dreams ♪
♪ We can help you to ♪
You look so hot as a cat.
You, too, you little minx.
Get over here.
[BOTH MOANING]
Roger! What the hell is going on?
The song was all true, Stan.
Going inside people's dreams
is one of my alien powers.
Matter of fact, we're in one
of your dreams right now.
So, what are you saying?
Well, I figured
maybe I could take you with
me into Francine's dreams
so you can make sure
she's not doing the nasty.
Then again, that would be
breaking your promise to her
to let the whole thing go.
- Aah!
- [THUD]
Bedroom... now!
We're getting in them dreams, baby!
It's finally happening.
You're dragging me to your bedroom.
Keep calm, Roger. Stay in the moment.
Enjoy this.
- So, how do we...
- Relax, Stan.
It's super-easy, totally painless.
- All I have to do is this.
- [GRUNTS]
And like this.
[GROANS]
Alright, here we go.
Welcome to Francine's dreamscape.
Have a look around.
There's all sorts of crazy stuff
in this place.
- [ORGAN PLAYING]
- A pipe organ made of intestines?
A little creepy, but I'll allow it.
Octopus with Steve's face?
A little zany, but I'll allow it.
Wow! Get a load of this fern.
So lush.
Only in the fantastic world of dreams.
Huh. Maybe I don't have
anything to worry about.
[DISTANT MOANING]
My sex senses are tingling.
Out of the way, geek.
Oh... [BABY FUSSING]
Oh, those weren't
sex sounds. It was a baby.
[BABY CRYING]
Oh, Stan, my poor little baby.
Is that how Francine sees me?
As a whiny, little freak of a baby?
[LAUGHING] Looks like it.
No wonder she's having sex
dreams about other people.
She doesn't even see me as a man.
Well, maybe if you start acting
like more of a big, macho man
around her, that'll change.
Then again, maybe the right thing to do
is just let it go, like you...
Stan big fan of big-man plan!
Dear Lord, please bless this food
and all the gross employees
at Boston Market who made it.
ALL: Amen.
- [ENGINE REVS]
- [TIRES SCREECH]
Is this what a baby would do?
What? Stan, what's going on?
Are those stick-on Garfield tattoos?
Here, want me to cut your steak?
I'm a grown man. I can do it myself.
- Aah!
- Oh, honey!
I'll get a Band-Aid.
No! I don't need any help.
Blacking... out.
Not much... time.
Does a baby have this?
[SPLAT]
[GROANS, THUDS]
[INSECTS CHIRPING]
What if we did, like, a giant devil
pissing hot sauce right
into King Kong's mouth?
I'm not making a hot sauce...
[SHOUTING] for soccer moms, Klaus!
I said "bold"!
[SCREAMS]
Pft, so, I was just thinking
about how much I killed it
with all that macho stuff at dinner.
So, pretty much, I'm not worried
about Francine at all anymore,
but, hey, maybe let's go pop
into her dreams really quick
just to make sure it worked?
[SCREAMS]
[GRUNTS]
[FRANCINE LAUGHING]
[GASPING]
[LAUGHING]
Oh, Stan.
I've transformed from a baby
into a buffoon!
Not exactly.
Here, I'll let Stevetopus explain.
You see, Francine's subconscious
has created many
different versions of you.
Whichever one best fits her current
perception of you in real life
is the one that's most powerful
and visible at any given moment,
but the rest are always
down here somewhere.
That's your anger.
[ROARS]
Your emotional unavailability.
- [LAUGHING]
- Your dorky side.
Your lesbian-grandmother side.
What's that one?
ROGER: Oh, another fern lover, I see.
That's your insecurity...
A real nasty dude.
We call him Stanferatu.
[HISSES]
These guys all suck!
Well, there are good ones,
too, you haven't seen yet.
What does that matter
if she also sees me
as this collection of goons?!
There she is now.
I'm gonna go give her
a piece of my mind.
[GASPS] Are you crazy?!
A human dream-stormer
can never let a host become
aware of his presence.
I call it dream-storming, by the way.
Pretty cool, right?
Don't you know the most basic
rules of dream-storming?!
No. Why would I?
You've been going inside my dreams?!
Oh, don't try to turn this around on me.
You're the one who's been letting
that subconscious of yours
run wild, thinking me up
as some kind of bunch
of Garbage Pail Kids.
I can't believe you're so insecure
that you're actually
invading my dreams!
How dare you?!
She's right.
I'm going to do the right thing
and leave well enough alone.
I mean it this time.
BULLOCK: "And Stan stayed
true to his word
and never meddled in
Francine's dreams again."
And as for Francine,
well, she left Stan
and started having sex
with Jeff for reals.
All the different kinds of sex...
Oral, anal, hand stuff,
whatever you call it when you
push the genitals together
and just mash them around.
And why?
Because she knows you're a pathetic...
[DISTORTED] little worm of a man, Stan.
[GASPS]
Just one more time, Roger.
I have an idea.
[YAWNING] Okay.
- Here we go.
- Wait.
- What are you doing?
- Same as usual.
I just have to touch you
both at the same time.
Then why were you sticking your
fingers in our eyes before?
That's a way of touching.
Since trying to change
how Francine saw me
in the real world didn't work,
I figured I'd do it right
here at the source...
Her subconscious...
By making these creeps
look cool and sexy.
There she is.
[ECHOING FOOTSTEPS]
Showtime! [WHISTLES]
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ What a Stan,
what a Stan, what a Stan ♪
♪ What a Stan,
what a Stan, what a Stan ♪
♪ What a mighty good Stan ♪
♪ What a mighty, mighty good Stan ♪
♪ You're a fan of this man, sexy Stan ♪
♪ Such an awesome, hot Stan ♪
♪ I said, what a mighty good Stan ♪
[GRUNTING]
Damn it! You're such idiots.
- [RUMBLING]
- Stan!
[STRAINS]
[DISTANTLY] You're in my dreams again.
Oh, no. You let the host see you.
It's a dreamquake!
Get back over here and
do it like I showed you.
[GROANS]
[SCREAMING]
You killed him.
They can be killed?
Good. Give me that sword, geek.
Now Francine won't see
me as an ogre anymore.
- [GRUNTS]
- [SWORD SHINKS]
Or a dork! Or a... a...
I don't... I don't know.
Slenderman?
[ECHOING] Stop it, Stan!
Your insecurity is making
Stanferatu stronger.
With the dream disintegrating,
he could use me as a
portal to the real world!
- What?!
- Come on, Stan.
This is dream-storming 101.
Oh, God. It's too late.
He's going in my eye, Stan!
It sucks!
- [GROANING]
- [PANTING]
[ROARS]
I had a nightmare
and I was gonna ask to sleep
with you guys, but...
clearly, you're dealing
with something else.
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS]
[EXHALES DEEPLY] That's better.
What happened? Where's Francine?
What happened? Where's Francine?
Did that monster, Stanferatu, take her?
I don't think so, Stan,
'cause he's right there
behind the dresser.
What have you done
with Francine, you ghoul?
I did not take her.
She was lost in the dreamquake,
her soul and body both.
Now she's adrift in the ethereal domain.
The what?
The collective dream realm
that connects all dreams
and all dreamers.
This is real basic stuff.
I don't really think he wants to learn.
She's a dream nomad now,
who must roam from dream to dream.
To find her, we must find her host.
Stan, have you considered
that maybe Francine
went to this place on purpose
to get away from you?
[HISSES]
He's against us.
We will find Francine and reclaim her.
She is ours!
You know, this guy's
kind of speaking my language here.
So it's settled.
Stan and Stanferatu on the case.
Put her there, partner.
Damn! I am loving your long fingers.
You're probably
a pretty fast typer, huh?
I would love to get you
behind the keyboard
and watch you fire off a few paragraphs.
Uh, Dad, what's the deal
with this guy again?
Yeah, he keeps stealing our peas
and accusing us of parsimony.
[HISSES]
My peas.
Stanferatu gets a bad rap,
but he's a great guy
once you get to know him.
And he's always got my back.
The boy seeks to outlive you.
Is this true, Steve?
With the natural order of
things being what it is...
Thank you for bringing this
to my attention, Stanferatu.
Look, the most important thing
is Stanferatu is helping
me find your mother.
He called in to Rush Limbaugh
and really talked it up.
[CELLPHONE DINGS]
Bingo! We got a lead.
E-mail from some yokel downstate.
Apparently, some people around there
have been dreaming about Francine.
It's a good thing you got
Stanferatu to help you now,
because I've got a big
pitch at Frank's RedHot.
Klaus is actually just about
to show me the final artwork.
I give you...
- your hot-sauce label.
- _
It's perfect.
Just like the Mona Lisa's eyes,
the donkey's prolapsed anus
follows you wherever you go.
Yep. Mm-hmm.
I saw'n that lady in my dreams, alright.
- Did you [BLEEP] her?!
- No, sir.
Jesus, Stanferatu.
Sir, we need to go inside your dreams.
Won't do you no good.
Stopped dreaming about
her a couple days ago.
I mean, a dream nomad
can only dwell in the etherium
of any given host for 48 hours.
How do you know this?!
Oh, I see.
Us country bumpkins
are too stupid to know
about the ethereal domain.
Is that right?
Every possible host we've talked too,
we've been too late.
I'm starting to lose hope
we'll ever get to one
while Francine's still there.
You're not thinking
of ditching me, are you, Stan?
What? No. You're my day-one homey.
You know that.
Stanferatu,
have you been trying
to get into my phone?
Look at this. I'm locked out,
and it's covered in chicken grease.
[SNORING]
I know you're not really sleeping.
Are we friends, Stan?
Yes. I told you.
Are we best friends?
I mean, sure, yeah.
I... I-I-I got to go to the bathroom.
[DOOR CLOSES]
STANFERATU: What are you doing in there?
I'm just trying to take a shit, man!
Come on!
I need to know
you're not going to leave me!
Let me in!
Oh, my God.
Is this what
I've been doing to Francine?
Suffocating her with my own insecurity?
- [DOOR RATTLING]
- [STRAINING]
[THUDS]
Aah!
Lies!
All lies!
Dad! Did you find mom?
No, Son.
I'm afraid she might be gone for good.
You'll probably have
to go live with Tuttle.
[SHUDDERING] Oh... I miss mom so much.
- Last night, I dreamt of two of her.
- Say that again!
- Last night, I dreamt...
- Shut up! There's no time.
Get in the car.
I'll ether you on the way.
_
- Mr. Buttblast...
- Doctor.
We...
love your hot sauce.
And just as long as nothing
weird happens
in the next few minutes,
I'd say we have a deal.
- [DOOR SLAMS OPEN]
- STAN: Roger,
we need to go inside the boy.
Francine!
Stan, I should have known,
sooner or later, you'd find me
and drag me back home.
So let's just get it over with and go...
No. I didn't come to take you home.
Spending time with
Stanferatu made me understand
how awful it feels when someone you love
won't trust you enough to
just give you some space.
So I only came to tell you...
I'm sorry.
And if you ever decide
you've had enough space,
I'll be waiting for you.
Stan?
Thank you.
I knew you would betray me, Stan!
So I will kill you
and claim Francine for my own!
[HISSES]
[SNARLING]
- [SHOUTING]
- [GRUNTING]
Stan!
Stanferatu's too strong for you
in the dream realm!
Wait.
His power comes from my insecurity.
[STRAINS]
Steve, dream us up Jeff.
Hiya.
[GROANS] If I can be confident enough
to stand by while Jeff
really works you over...
[STRAINS] that should
weaken Stanferatu enough
for me to defeat him.
I'm not gonna have sex with Jeff!
[STRAINS] Fine.
Then I'll have sex with Jeff.
What?! How the hell would that...
[GROWLS]
Well, I guess it is a good distraction.
Dream sword!
[SWORD SHINKS]
[GROANING]
Aah!
Aah!
What a crazy dream.
No more Colonel Buttchug's
Irradiated Sphincter Scorcher
right before bed for me.
Well, maybe just
one more teensy, little taste.
[SCREAMS]
Bye! Have a beautiful time!