American Dad! (2005–…): Season 10, Episode 8 - Morning Mimosa - full transcript
Steve seeks his independence from Francine by becoming an online video cooking sensation.
[ Applause ]
Welcome back
to "Morning Mimosa"!
I'm Trish.
And I'm Sues,
A.K.A. "The Sizzle."
As always, we're bringing you
five full hours
of mimosas and...
Oh, and...
Whoops!
I forgot our catchphrase again!
Uh-oh, Trish.
Sounds to me like you've had...
All:
Too many mimosas!
[ "Stronger"
by Kelly Clarkson plays ]
[ Gasps ]
Is that Kelly I hear?
Ladies, let's dance!
♪ What doesn't kill
you makes you stronger ♪
♪ stand a little taller
♪ doesn't mean I'm lonely
when I'm alone ♪
I love it when fat ladies
feel falsely empowered.
Who's up next, Charlie?
The creator of the stupidest
diet I've ever heard of.
I think she eats algae
or something?
Let's find out.
It's Rhonda Hughart!
[ Applause ]
Hi, Trish.
Hi, Sizzle.
Thanks for having me on.
My diet
is about sensible --
Buppity-bup-bup-
bup-bup-bup-bup!
How many mimosas a day
can you have on this diet?
Um, if you've been good,
maybe...one?
[ Audience gasps ]
Uh-oh.
Buckle up, bitch.
One mimosa?
Are you insane?!
Cut off her head
and put it in a bag!
Sues, I think
we've found ourselves
someone to publicly shame.
What does that mean?
Oh, God, what does that mean?
I love it when
they turn on their guests.
[ Audience boos ]
I'm sorry,
you can have
all the mimosas you want!
That's not enough!
Announcer: All food thrown at our
guests is provided by Taco King.
Taco King -- food so delicious,
it stays together in the air.
[ Sobbing ]
I have kids!
♪ Good morning, U.S.A.
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
♪ the sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
♪ and he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
♪ oh, boy, it's swell to say
♪ good --
♪ good morning, U.S.A.
Steve, I asked you
to set the table 10 minutes ago.
Dinner's ready.
But I'm on level 15!
Well, I'm on level one
of the house,
where I cooked for you.
Now set the table.
I didn't ask you to cook for me.
Excuse me?
Mom, I'm busy.
I'll do it in a minute.
No! It didn't save!
It didn't save!
What were you thinking?
I was thinking...
go set the table.
Fuck you!
[ Gasps ]
[ Gasps ]
[ Glass cracks ]
[ Gasps ]
Wow.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Laughing ]
[ Insects chirping ]
And what did your mom say?
Nothing.
She -- she just walked
out of the room.
This is bad.
This is real bad.
Yeah, she's pretty pissed.
I'm just gonna lay low
till it blows over.
What if it doesn't blow over?
Saying "F" you to your mom
can change your dynamic forever!
Ah, maybe you guys are right.
Toshi, care to weigh in?
Tosh?
Uh, Toshi just walked
past my house.
[ Insects chirping ]
Steve, I'm very disappointed
that you used that language
with your mother.
That being said,
I'm more excited for dinner
than I have been in years.
You did a very bad thing.
You know who had to set
the table tonight? Me.
What are you talking about?
I set the table.
Well, I would have been
next in line,
and I did not like it.
I made everyone's favorite --
mac and cheese omelettes.
Awesome.
Breakfast for dinner.
My favorite.
So, um, mom,
I have something for you.
Oh, do you guys hear something?
'Cause I don't.
Come on, mom.
Just take the card.
Mom, don't ignore me.
Why not?
It's fun!
I'm ignoring Klaus right now,
and it's not
bothering him at all.
It's very peaceful.
He was my only problem.
Hey, where's mine?
You didn't ask me
to cook for you, remember?
But i-it was
in the heat of the moment and --
Steve, you really
hurt my feelings.
Part one of your punishment
is I'm ignoring you.
Part two is no dinner.
When I snap my fingers,
I'm gonna do part one on Hayley.
[ Snaps ]
Where'd she go?
But I was gonna say sorry.
A-and I even got you
this stupid card.
So we're cool, right?
Like penguin says?
Mac and cheese omelet?
The penguin might be cool,
but we are not.
Something has changed, Steve.
The dynamic?
You're goddamn right
it's the dynamic.
[ Chuckles ]
This dinner is not a letdown.
Oh, now you're mad at me.
Too bad I'm ignoring you.
In fact...
[ Snaps ] Gone.
[ Snaps ] Gone.
[ Snaps ] Gone.
[ Sighs ]
Alone at last.
I can eat how I want.
[ Insects chirping ]
Where the hell
are the leftovers?
Looking for something?
Barry?
Y-you're eating
the leftovers?
Maybe you can have
his leftovers.
We both know
that's not gonna happen.
No dinner meant no dinner.
I didn't come down here
for food.
I'm down here for...
the crisper drawer.
I'm building a fort,
and it needs a window.
[ Stomach growls ]
You sound hungry.
I'm hungry to finish my fort!
[ Birds chirping ]
Morning, mom.
Thank God it's laundry day,
'cause I'm all out of undies
up there.
I am undie-free.
Sans panties.
Less panty, mo' problems.
Let me briefs you
on the situation --
I ain't got no underwear.
Mm-hmm.
What's your point?
Didn't you do my laundry?
No.
What you said is something
you don't say to your mother.
So you must not think of me
as a mother at all.
So, from now on,
you're on your own.
Mommy-free.
Sans mommy.
You ain't got no mama.
What's that, Francine?
I think you dropped a challenge.
And I'm pickin' it up.
'Cause I can do
everything you do for me --
laundry, cooking,
telling myself
I'm a big, handsome boy.
First step,
making myself some pancakes!
Oh, no.
This is so hard.
What a joke.
Ha! I'm laughing.
Ha! This is laughable,
is what it is.
Mmm.
[ Gags ]
Your pancake mix
was laundry soap.
[ Gags, spits ]
So it seems.
[ Birds chirping ]
Game over, laundry.
Mastered this pretty fast.
Aah!
You're in over your head, Steve.
You think you can do better?
Oh, definitely not.
That's why
I'm nice to mom --
so she'll keep taking care of me
well into my adult years.
Idiot.
How's he doing?
Horribly.
Great! I knew he couldn't
survive without me.
He'll learn his lesson
and come crawling back.
And that's how I want to see
my little man --
begging for mercy
because
he's completely incapable
of taking care of himself.
Motherhood.
Mom, can I just say
that of all the punishments
you've ever come up with,
this is by far
the most brilliant.
Unrelated, can you start
this orange for me?
I don't know how.
[ Knocks ]
I got you dinner.
You couldn't leave
a ladder for me?
My mom would see it.
It's too dangerous.
No, what's dangerous
is crawling past Hayley's room
with a plate
full of chipped beef.
Wait, her room's
on the other side of the hou--
Let's not get bogged down
in the details
about who was
masturbating where.
You just have to end this war
with your mom.
I tried,
but she wants to keep fighting,
so now I'm in it to win it.
Look at yourself.
You've already lost, bud.
You stink, and you're starving.
And you're not
wearing underwear.
How can you tell that?
We're best friends.
I know your body.
If you're not gonna make up
with your mom,
you've got to learn
to take care of yourself.
But how?
Remember when I straightened
my hair that summer?
Of course I remember.
You didn't swim all summer.
But I never looked so good.
A lot of guys hit on me
from behind.
♪ Dum dee do bee dum
♪ wah wah wah wah
♪ dum dum...
The point is,
I learned to do my hair myself
from watching YouTube videos.
And you can learn to cook
the same way.
What are you hungry for?
Pancakes.
Your journey begins now.
But whatever you do,
don't get sidetracked
by snakebite videos.
They're always one click away,
and they're very addictive.
I wouldn't want to watch
snakebite videos.
Good.
Good.
"OMG," huh?
Let's see
what all the fuss is about.
[Hissing]
Whoa, that's a king cobra!
Why are you taunting him?
Oh, he got him.
Oh, he got him again!
And again!
It's just a series of strikes!
Whoa!
That was stressful.
Okay, just one more.
Dude, drop the camera
and help your friend.
He got bit by a rattlesnake!
He is dying!
Oh, what's a black mamba?
Wonder if they're friendly --
[hissing]
Oh, God, they're not!
They're not!
Oh! Why am I so hungry?!
Oh, yeah.
Pancake videos.
Let's see what we got here.
"Pan-snakes"? Sure.
No!
These are amazing, Steve!
They remind me
of this wonderful meal
I had on the cape.
Ohh, what was the dish?
That's right --
pancakes.
Oh, look who learned to cook.
Guess somebody's ready to make
a little peace offering?
The only thing I'm offering
is a boysenberry-lemon
reduction.
But not to you.
Oh, for God's sake, Steve.
Grow up.
I have grown up, mother.
I've grown up a lot
in the last eight hours.
I learned how to cook,
how to set a dryer
for delicates,
and how to suck venom
out of a snakebite.
Now I don't need you
for anything.
He's right, Francine.
Those are all the things.
Whose side are you on anyway?
Whoever makes the best pancakes.
I'm on your side, mom.
Maple syrup
stuck-stuck.
[ Strained ]
You may be feeling...
like you've got it
all figured out, young man.
No more soap in your pancakes...
clothes all clean.
[ Grunts ]
[ Muffled ]
But trust me --
[ grunts ]
you're gonna realize
sooner or later that --
[ grunts ]
every boy needs his mother!
Stan, will you join me
in the other room?
I think we should have
a long conversation
about parenting decisions.
Uh-oh.
[ Snaps ] Gone.
[ Sighs ]
Off to work.
Steve, how did you learn
to cook like this?
Got the recipe off YouTube,
but I made it my own.
You know, I should make
my own cooking videos.
Give back to the community
and rub it in mom's face.
Oh, you totally should.
But what would you call
your channel?
Oh! Oh! How about
a taste of Steve?
Mouthful of Steve.
Steve in your mouth.
Stop me when you hear one
you like.
A taste of Steve in your mouth.
That's all I got.
Hey, Stan, great news!
My daughter's soccer team
qualified for regionals.
So we're trying to raise
money for --
You know what, Jackson?
This might be crazy,
but I'm gonna try something.
[ Snaps ] Gone.
It worked!
What?
[ Snaps ] Gone.
[ Snaps ] Gone.
[ Snaps ] Gone.
Smith, you can't
just barge in here --
[ snaps ] Gone.
Alone in the boss's office.
Let's try out the chair.
[ Sighs ]
Deputy Director Smith.
First order of business,
get a less erect chair.
Now, once we've put
the souffle in the oven,
we can start prepping
the coq au vin.
This classic peasant dish
is not as complicated
as it looks.
I'm a kid, so the hardest part
is getting the wine.
[ Tink! ]
So many views.
That's all for now.
I'm the Orphan Chef,
wishing you smaklig maltid.
That's Swedish for bon appétit.
Am I Swedish?
I don't know.
My mother abandoned me.
That little jerk.
Where does he get off
insulting me like that?
Hey, an orphan means
he also doesn't have a father.
Well, that part's kind of true.
[ Doorbell rings ]
Oh, my God!
Charlie Greenfield,
executive producer
of "Morning Mimosa"!
Did I finally get tickets?
No, no. These hands
don't deliver tickets.
Well, this one does.
But this one finds
the stars of tomorrow.
And there he is --
the Orphan Chef.
Sorry, buddy, you got to order
aprons off the website.
No, I'm here
from "Morning Mimosa"
and we want you to come down
and do half a segment --
Half a segment?!
Live, tomorrow morning.
Live, tomorrow mor--
So you're interested?
Great. I'll send a limo
in the morning.
[ Muffled ] Send a limo?!
Steve, I don't know
if you're ready to perform live
in front of the most hostile
audience in television.
You're just jealous
'cause I'm getting
out of this dump.
She's just jealous.
I can tell.
Now, let us know if you have
anybody that needs tickets.
Perhaps this haggard lady
who runs the orphanage?
Nah. Just give those tickets
away to someone in need.
What an amazing boy.
If it weren't for his face,
I'd be completely baffled
about why he was abandoned.
Half a segment?!
[ Applause ]
We gave
our homely housewife, Jan,
the makeover treatment.
New clothes, new 'do.
How do you think she looks?
[ Drum roll ]
[ Audience boos ]
Ohh, looks like
we got another one.
Jan is...
unsalvageable!
[ Audience jeers ]
Bleh!
Pretty hot crowd today.
Yeah, it's Maximum
Mimosa Monday.
They're gonna kill your son.
Welcome to our studio.
So, this is where
the magic happens.
The real magic will happen
when I cook today.
The only thing I melt
faster than butter
is people's hearts.
Anyone ever tell you
that you have the confidence
of a white kid
with upper-middle-class parents?
Open your mouths, you animals!
This way to the green room.
[ Cheering ]
Ha! Ha! Ha!
So, you'll be on
after the dancing monkeys.
This is the first time
they've been on
since the attack.
They attacked the audience?
Oh God, no.
The audience
attacked the monkeys.
[ Glass shatters ]
[ Audience chanting "More" ]
Woman:
Relax, mommy's here.
Mommy?
I'm not their real mommy.
I killed her in the Congo.
These guys get so nervous
before they perform.
Well, we better get out there.
[ Waltz music plays ]
Everything's fine.
The dancing monkeys
will -- will put the audience
in a great mood.
That's not dancing!
It's hopping!
Kill the monkeys!
[ Monkey shrieks ]
[ Audience boos ]
[ Snaps ] Gone.
[ Snaps ] Gone.
[ Snaps ] Gone.
Last man on earth.
[ Tires screech, horn honks ]
Nothing but empty spots.
What the hell, man?
[ Snaps ] Gone.
Aww.
Day 10.
No signs of life.
[ Audience chanting,
glass shatters ]
Those women shaved my head!
They shaved my head!
Where are the monkeys?
They escaped to the rafters!
No more mimosas!
They've had enough mimosas!
[ Grunts ]
Aaaah!
Where do you think you're going?
You're on!
They're ready...
for you!
Next up, whoo!
[ Slurring ] We have a YouTube sensation
known as the Orphan Chef.
He was abandoned by his mother,
and he learned to cook
gourmet cuisine
all by himself.
[ Belches ]
Amazing.
Welcome the orphan chef!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Great to have you here.
Mimosa?
I'm 14.
Who's gonna find out,
your mother?
[ Laughs ]
So, what are you
gonna cook for us?
I'm starving!
Uh...I-I-I wanted to make
my specialty,
u-uh, coq a vin.
What the hell is that?
French chicken!
I-it's, um, m-much easier
than you think.
I'm a kid,
so the hardest part is...
is...
Is what?
What is it?
Finish your sentence!
Is wine...
getting.
[ Chuckles ]
I'll just start the dish.
You grew up without a mom.
Tell us how terrible that was.
It -- it wasn't
that bad.
Yes, it was.
No mom to kiss
your boo-boos?
No mom to hold you
after a bad day.
Who celebrated your birthday
and tucked you in at night?
Your mom?
Not likely.
As if.
So sad.
I-I really should
focus on -- on this.
You know what I just realized?
This kid has no mom!
[ Audience gasps ]
What? No mom?
Nope.
If he died here today,
there would be no mommy
to mourn him.
And no mommy to press charges.
How did this get so dark?
[ Timer dings ]
Oh, thank God.
It's ready.
What is that crap?
I-I made an omelet.
A mac and cheese omelet.
But I'm hungry for chicken!
Why did you make this for us?
Because I was nervous.
And every time I eat this,
it makes me feel good
and safe and loved.
Why?!
Because my mom
makes it for me, okay?
[ Audience gasps ]
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.
Uh-oh.
[ Scoffs ]
Y-you have a mom?
Who fact-checked
this shit?
B-but I-I went
to the orphanage.
It don't add up, I tell ya!
It don't add up!
And you...
coming here,
lying about
your parental status,
promising chicken.
Who do you think you are?
Francine:
He's my son!
[ Audience gasps ]
[ Glass clatters ]
Mom?
You're here!
Of course I am.
I will always be here for you.
I'm so sorry I said
those terrible words to you.
Get this crybaby loser
and his loser mother
off my show!
I know where to put them!
[ Bottle clatters ]
What -- it --
but [Sighs]
you were gonna drop us
in the pit?
You know what,
Trish, the Sizzle?
Fuck you!
[ Audience gasps ]
Sometimes it's okay to say it.
Like now.
Or when you're driving.
Turn off the cameras
and lock the doors.
No, Sues.
Please. Not again.
Rage!
Rage!
Ra-a-a-ge!
Ra-a-a-ge!
All: Rage!
[ Screaming ]
Mom, what do we do?
Follow the monkeys to freedom!
[ Rock music plays ]
[ Screaming continues ]
I-I can't do it!
I'm not strong enough!
Don't worry.
Mama's got you.
Aah!
Although he refuses
to acknowledge anyone,
the naked man in the supermarket
has been apprehended.
Oh, my God!
Aah!
Oh. Hi, Francine,
Steve.
Who's doing this to me?
Who are you? Show yourself!
Welcome back
to "Morning Mimosa"!
I'm Trish.
And I'm Sues,
A.K.A. "The Sizzle."
As always, we're bringing you
five full hours
of mimosas and...
Oh, and...
Whoops!
I forgot our catchphrase again!
Uh-oh, Trish.
Sounds to me like you've had...
All:
Too many mimosas!
[ "Stronger"
by Kelly Clarkson plays ]
[ Gasps ]
Is that Kelly I hear?
Ladies, let's dance!
♪ What doesn't kill
you makes you stronger ♪
♪ stand a little taller
♪ doesn't mean I'm lonely
when I'm alone ♪
I love it when fat ladies
feel falsely empowered.
Who's up next, Charlie?
The creator of the stupidest
diet I've ever heard of.
I think she eats algae
or something?
Let's find out.
It's Rhonda Hughart!
[ Applause ]
Hi, Trish.
Hi, Sizzle.
Thanks for having me on.
My diet
is about sensible --
Buppity-bup-bup-
bup-bup-bup-bup!
How many mimosas a day
can you have on this diet?
Um, if you've been good,
maybe...one?
[ Audience gasps ]
Uh-oh.
Buckle up, bitch.
One mimosa?
Are you insane?!
Cut off her head
and put it in a bag!
Sues, I think
we've found ourselves
someone to publicly shame.
What does that mean?
Oh, God, what does that mean?
I love it when
they turn on their guests.
[ Audience boos ]
I'm sorry,
you can have
all the mimosas you want!
That's not enough!
Announcer: All food thrown at our
guests is provided by Taco King.
Taco King -- food so delicious,
it stays together in the air.
[ Sobbing ]
I have kids!
♪ Good morning, U.S.A.
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
♪ the sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
♪ and he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
♪ oh, boy, it's swell to say
♪ good --
♪ good morning, U.S.A.
Steve, I asked you
to set the table 10 minutes ago.
Dinner's ready.
But I'm on level 15!
Well, I'm on level one
of the house,
where I cooked for you.
Now set the table.
I didn't ask you to cook for me.
Excuse me?
Mom, I'm busy.
I'll do it in a minute.
No! It didn't save!
It didn't save!
What were you thinking?
I was thinking...
go set the table.
Fuck you!
[ Gasps ]
[ Gasps ]
[ Glass cracks ]
[ Gasps ]
Wow.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Laughing ]
[ Insects chirping ]
And what did your mom say?
Nothing.
She -- she just walked
out of the room.
This is bad.
This is real bad.
Yeah, she's pretty pissed.
I'm just gonna lay low
till it blows over.
What if it doesn't blow over?
Saying "F" you to your mom
can change your dynamic forever!
Ah, maybe you guys are right.
Toshi, care to weigh in?
Tosh?
Uh, Toshi just walked
past my house.
[ Insects chirping ]
Steve, I'm very disappointed
that you used that language
with your mother.
That being said,
I'm more excited for dinner
than I have been in years.
You did a very bad thing.
You know who had to set
the table tonight? Me.
What are you talking about?
I set the table.
Well, I would have been
next in line,
and I did not like it.
I made everyone's favorite --
mac and cheese omelettes.
Awesome.
Breakfast for dinner.
My favorite.
So, um, mom,
I have something for you.
Oh, do you guys hear something?
'Cause I don't.
Come on, mom.
Just take the card.
Mom, don't ignore me.
Why not?
It's fun!
I'm ignoring Klaus right now,
and it's not
bothering him at all.
It's very peaceful.
He was my only problem.
Hey, where's mine?
You didn't ask me
to cook for you, remember?
But i-it was
in the heat of the moment and --
Steve, you really
hurt my feelings.
Part one of your punishment
is I'm ignoring you.
Part two is no dinner.
When I snap my fingers,
I'm gonna do part one on Hayley.
[ Snaps ]
Where'd she go?
But I was gonna say sorry.
A-and I even got you
this stupid card.
So we're cool, right?
Like penguin says?
Mac and cheese omelet?
The penguin might be cool,
but we are not.
Something has changed, Steve.
The dynamic?
You're goddamn right
it's the dynamic.
[ Chuckles ]
This dinner is not a letdown.
Oh, now you're mad at me.
Too bad I'm ignoring you.
In fact...
[ Snaps ] Gone.
[ Snaps ] Gone.
[ Snaps ] Gone.
[ Sighs ]
Alone at last.
I can eat how I want.
[ Insects chirping ]
Where the hell
are the leftovers?
Looking for something?
Barry?
Y-you're eating
the leftovers?
Maybe you can have
his leftovers.
We both know
that's not gonna happen.
No dinner meant no dinner.
I didn't come down here
for food.
I'm down here for...
the crisper drawer.
I'm building a fort,
and it needs a window.
[ Stomach growls ]
You sound hungry.
I'm hungry to finish my fort!
[ Birds chirping ]
Morning, mom.
Thank God it's laundry day,
'cause I'm all out of undies
up there.
I am undie-free.
Sans panties.
Less panty, mo' problems.
Let me briefs you
on the situation --
I ain't got no underwear.
Mm-hmm.
What's your point?
Didn't you do my laundry?
No.
What you said is something
you don't say to your mother.
So you must not think of me
as a mother at all.
So, from now on,
you're on your own.
Mommy-free.
Sans mommy.
You ain't got no mama.
What's that, Francine?
I think you dropped a challenge.
And I'm pickin' it up.
'Cause I can do
everything you do for me --
laundry, cooking,
telling myself
I'm a big, handsome boy.
First step,
making myself some pancakes!
Oh, no.
This is so hard.
What a joke.
Ha! I'm laughing.
Ha! This is laughable,
is what it is.
Mmm.
[ Gags ]
Your pancake mix
was laundry soap.
[ Gags, spits ]
So it seems.
[ Birds chirping ]
Game over, laundry.
Mastered this pretty fast.
Aah!
You're in over your head, Steve.
You think you can do better?
Oh, definitely not.
That's why
I'm nice to mom --
so she'll keep taking care of me
well into my adult years.
Idiot.
How's he doing?
Horribly.
Great! I knew he couldn't
survive without me.
He'll learn his lesson
and come crawling back.
And that's how I want to see
my little man --
begging for mercy
because
he's completely incapable
of taking care of himself.
Motherhood.
Mom, can I just say
that of all the punishments
you've ever come up with,
this is by far
the most brilliant.
Unrelated, can you start
this orange for me?
I don't know how.
[ Knocks ]
I got you dinner.
You couldn't leave
a ladder for me?
My mom would see it.
It's too dangerous.
No, what's dangerous
is crawling past Hayley's room
with a plate
full of chipped beef.
Wait, her room's
on the other side of the hou--
Let's not get bogged down
in the details
about who was
masturbating where.
You just have to end this war
with your mom.
I tried,
but she wants to keep fighting,
so now I'm in it to win it.
Look at yourself.
You've already lost, bud.
You stink, and you're starving.
And you're not
wearing underwear.
How can you tell that?
We're best friends.
I know your body.
If you're not gonna make up
with your mom,
you've got to learn
to take care of yourself.
But how?
Remember when I straightened
my hair that summer?
Of course I remember.
You didn't swim all summer.
But I never looked so good.
A lot of guys hit on me
from behind.
♪ Dum dee do bee dum
♪ wah wah wah wah
♪ dum dum...
The point is,
I learned to do my hair myself
from watching YouTube videos.
And you can learn to cook
the same way.
What are you hungry for?
Pancakes.
Your journey begins now.
But whatever you do,
don't get sidetracked
by snakebite videos.
They're always one click away,
and they're very addictive.
I wouldn't want to watch
snakebite videos.
Good.
Good.
"OMG," huh?
Let's see
what all the fuss is about.
[Hissing]
Whoa, that's a king cobra!
Why are you taunting him?
Oh, he got him.
Oh, he got him again!
And again!
It's just a series of strikes!
Whoa!
That was stressful.
Okay, just one more.
Dude, drop the camera
and help your friend.
He got bit by a rattlesnake!
He is dying!
Oh, what's a black mamba?
Wonder if they're friendly --
[hissing]
Oh, God, they're not!
They're not!
Oh! Why am I so hungry?!
Oh, yeah.
Pancake videos.
Let's see what we got here.
"Pan-snakes"? Sure.
No!
These are amazing, Steve!
They remind me
of this wonderful meal
I had on the cape.
Ohh, what was the dish?
That's right --
pancakes.
Oh, look who learned to cook.
Guess somebody's ready to make
a little peace offering?
The only thing I'm offering
is a boysenberry-lemon
reduction.
But not to you.
Oh, for God's sake, Steve.
Grow up.
I have grown up, mother.
I've grown up a lot
in the last eight hours.
I learned how to cook,
how to set a dryer
for delicates,
and how to suck venom
out of a snakebite.
Now I don't need you
for anything.
He's right, Francine.
Those are all the things.
Whose side are you on anyway?
Whoever makes the best pancakes.
I'm on your side, mom.
Maple syrup
stuck-stuck.
[ Strained ]
You may be feeling...
like you've got it
all figured out, young man.
No more soap in your pancakes...
clothes all clean.
[ Grunts ]
[ Muffled ]
But trust me --
[ grunts ]
you're gonna realize
sooner or later that --
[ grunts ]
every boy needs his mother!
Stan, will you join me
in the other room?
I think we should have
a long conversation
about parenting decisions.
Uh-oh.
[ Snaps ] Gone.
[ Sighs ]
Off to work.
Steve, how did you learn
to cook like this?
Got the recipe off YouTube,
but I made it my own.
You know, I should make
my own cooking videos.
Give back to the community
and rub it in mom's face.
Oh, you totally should.
But what would you call
your channel?
Oh! Oh! How about
a taste of Steve?
Mouthful of Steve.
Steve in your mouth.
Stop me when you hear one
you like.
A taste of Steve in your mouth.
That's all I got.
Hey, Stan, great news!
My daughter's soccer team
qualified for regionals.
So we're trying to raise
money for --
You know what, Jackson?
This might be crazy,
but I'm gonna try something.
[ Snaps ] Gone.
It worked!
What?
[ Snaps ] Gone.
[ Snaps ] Gone.
[ Snaps ] Gone.
Smith, you can't
just barge in here --
[ snaps ] Gone.
Alone in the boss's office.
Let's try out the chair.
[ Sighs ]
Deputy Director Smith.
First order of business,
get a less erect chair.
Now, once we've put
the souffle in the oven,
we can start prepping
the coq au vin.
This classic peasant dish
is not as complicated
as it looks.
I'm a kid, so the hardest part
is getting the wine.
[ Tink! ]
So many views.
That's all for now.
I'm the Orphan Chef,
wishing you smaklig maltid.
That's Swedish for bon appétit.
Am I Swedish?
I don't know.
My mother abandoned me.
That little jerk.
Where does he get off
insulting me like that?
Hey, an orphan means
he also doesn't have a father.
Well, that part's kind of true.
[ Doorbell rings ]
Oh, my God!
Charlie Greenfield,
executive producer
of "Morning Mimosa"!
Did I finally get tickets?
No, no. These hands
don't deliver tickets.
Well, this one does.
But this one finds
the stars of tomorrow.
And there he is --
the Orphan Chef.
Sorry, buddy, you got to order
aprons off the website.
No, I'm here
from "Morning Mimosa"
and we want you to come down
and do half a segment --
Half a segment?!
Live, tomorrow morning.
Live, tomorrow mor--
So you're interested?
Great. I'll send a limo
in the morning.
[ Muffled ] Send a limo?!
Steve, I don't know
if you're ready to perform live
in front of the most hostile
audience in television.
You're just jealous
'cause I'm getting
out of this dump.
She's just jealous.
I can tell.
Now, let us know if you have
anybody that needs tickets.
Perhaps this haggard lady
who runs the orphanage?
Nah. Just give those tickets
away to someone in need.
What an amazing boy.
If it weren't for his face,
I'd be completely baffled
about why he was abandoned.
Half a segment?!
[ Applause ]
We gave
our homely housewife, Jan,
the makeover treatment.
New clothes, new 'do.
How do you think she looks?
[ Drum roll ]
[ Audience boos ]
Ohh, looks like
we got another one.
Jan is...
unsalvageable!
[ Audience jeers ]
Bleh!
Pretty hot crowd today.
Yeah, it's Maximum
Mimosa Monday.
They're gonna kill your son.
Welcome to our studio.
So, this is where
the magic happens.
The real magic will happen
when I cook today.
The only thing I melt
faster than butter
is people's hearts.
Anyone ever tell you
that you have the confidence
of a white kid
with upper-middle-class parents?
Open your mouths, you animals!
This way to the green room.
[ Cheering ]
Ha! Ha! Ha!
So, you'll be on
after the dancing monkeys.
This is the first time
they've been on
since the attack.
They attacked the audience?
Oh God, no.
The audience
attacked the monkeys.
[ Glass shatters ]
[ Audience chanting "More" ]
Woman:
Relax, mommy's here.
Mommy?
I'm not their real mommy.
I killed her in the Congo.
These guys get so nervous
before they perform.
Well, we better get out there.
[ Waltz music plays ]
Everything's fine.
The dancing monkeys
will -- will put the audience
in a great mood.
That's not dancing!
It's hopping!
Kill the monkeys!
[ Monkey shrieks ]
[ Audience boos ]
[ Snaps ] Gone.
[ Snaps ] Gone.
[ Snaps ] Gone.
Last man on earth.
[ Tires screech, horn honks ]
Nothing but empty spots.
What the hell, man?
[ Snaps ] Gone.
Aww.
Day 10.
No signs of life.
[ Audience chanting,
glass shatters ]
Those women shaved my head!
They shaved my head!
Where are the monkeys?
They escaped to the rafters!
No more mimosas!
They've had enough mimosas!
[ Grunts ]
Aaaah!
Where do you think you're going?
You're on!
They're ready...
for you!
Next up, whoo!
[ Slurring ] We have a YouTube sensation
known as the Orphan Chef.
He was abandoned by his mother,
and he learned to cook
gourmet cuisine
all by himself.
[ Belches ]
Amazing.
Welcome the orphan chef!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Great to have you here.
Mimosa?
I'm 14.
Who's gonna find out,
your mother?
[ Laughs ]
So, what are you
gonna cook for us?
I'm starving!
Uh...I-I-I wanted to make
my specialty,
u-uh, coq a vin.
What the hell is that?
French chicken!
I-it's, um, m-much easier
than you think.
I'm a kid,
so the hardest part is...
is...
Is what?
What is it?
Finish your sentence!
Is wine...
getting.
[ Chuckles ]
I'll just start the dish.
You grew up without a mom.
Tell us how terrible that was.
It -- it wasn't
that bad.
Yes, it was.
No mom to kiss
your boo-boos?
No mom to hold you
after a bad day.
Who celebrated your birthday
and tucked you in at night?
Your mom?
Not likely.
As if.
So sad.
I-I really should
focus on -- on this.
You know what I just realized?
This kid has no mom!
[ Audience gasps ]
What? No mom?
Nope.
If he died here today,
there would be no mommy
to mourn him.
And no mommy to press charges.
How did this get so dark?
[ Timer dings ]
Oh, thank God.
It's ready.
What is that crap?
I-I made an omelet.
A mac and cheese omelet.
But I'm hungry for chicken!
Why did you make this for us?
Because I was nervous.
And every time I eat this,
it makes me feel good
and safe and loved.
Why?!
Because my mom
makes it for me, okay?
[ Audience gasps ]
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.
Uh-oh.
[ Scoffs ]
Y-you have a mom?
Who fact-checked
this shit?
B-but I-I went
to the orphanage.
It don't add up, I tell ya!
It don't add up!
And you...
coming here,
lying about
your parental status,
promising chicken.
Who do you think you are?
Francine:
He's my son!
[ Audience gasps ]
[ Glass clatters ]
Mom?
You're here!
Of course I am.
I will always be here for you.
I'm so sorry I said
those terrible words to you.
Get this crybaby loser
and his loser mother
off my show!
I know where to put them!
[ Bottle clatters ]
What -- it --
but [Sighs]
you were gonna drop us
in the pit?
You know what,
Trish, the Sizzle?
Fuck you!
[ Audience gasps ]
Sometimes it's okay to say it.
Like now.
Or when you're driving.
Turn off the cameras
and lock the doors.
No, Sues.
Please. Not again.
Rage!
Rage!
Ra-a-a-ge!
Ra-a-a-ge!
All: Rage!
[ Screaming ]
Mom, what do we do?
Follow the monkeys to freedom!
[ Rock music plays ]
[ Screaming continues ]
I-I can't do it!
I'm not strong enough!
Don't worry.
Mama's got you.
Aah!
Although he refuses
to acknowledge anyone,
the naked man in the supermarket
has been apprehended.
Oh, my God!
Aah!
Oh. Hi, Francine,
Steve.
Who's doing this to me?
Who are you? Show yourself!