American Auto (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 10 - Episode #1.10 - full transcript
.
[upbeat music]
- So as most of you know,
the news show "Contour"
will be in the offices today
shooting a segment
about Katherine.
- It's officially
about Katherine,
but it's actually
about all of us.
- It's focused specifically
on Katherine.
- Yes, it's ostensibly
about Katherine.
That's what I just said.
- At any rate, let's all just
be professional and positive.
Do not do or say anything
that you would not want to see
on national television, okay?
- Remember,
reporters are snakes.
If you give them an opening,
they will slither in and pounce
and bite you with poison
until you're dead.
- I thought
this was supposed to be
just, like, a puff piece
about Katherine.
- About both of us.
- Oh, Jack.
That's how they get you.
They promise you a puff piece.
"Oh, this'll just be
a lovely profile."
And then it's gotcha question,
gotcha question,
gotcha question.
We have let the fox
into the henhouse, okay,
and the vultures are circling.
- You have way too many animal
metaphors happening right now.
- That's fair.
Yes, I was gonna mention
the frog and the scorpion,
but I backed out of it.
- So if Katherine looks bad,
do we really think
that the board
is gonna fire her
and hire that astronaut?
- Charlie Altman? Yeah.
They've already been
talking to him. Why?
- Just pointing out that
our CEO who doesn't know cars
and can't even drive might be
replaced by a former astronaut
who's passionate
about technology
and literally been to the moon.
Just so we all know
what's at stake here.
- That is not gonna happen.
This is just
a positive profile piece.
- They literally killed
the Princess of Wales, okay?
They murdered her, understand?
And if they could do that
to her,
then what are they gonna do
to this guy?
Nothing good.
- ♪ Bom bom
bom-bom-bom-bom-bom ♪
♪ Buh buh bom-bom-bom
buh bom-bom-bom-bom ♪
[chorus vocalizing]
[knock at door]
- How's it going?
- Great.
She's like
a engineering textbook.
- Well, I've been studying
all morning.
I am not about to let
the board replace me
with some space jockey.
At least not before
my stock options vest
in two years and eight months.
- Really tracking that.
Look,
the most important thing today
is conveying passion.
That's what'll make people
love you
and the board want to keep you.
You don't need to know
the specs
on a 1984 Payne Chimera.
You just need to show people
that this is where you shine.
- So I shouldn't mention
that the '84 Chimera
was the fastest in its class
and had over 350 horsepower?
- Ooh.
- Someone's been doing
her homework.
- Don't look so shocked.
It kind of activates
your worry lines.
- What are you--oh my God.
- And if you get in a jam,
you can always bring up
the woman thing.
- Yes, you're the first
female CEO of Payne.
- Oh, God, no, the woman thing
is so played out.
The glass ceiling,
I heart Hillary,
what if the Ghostbusters
were all ladies?
You know,
the revolution's over.
Why do we have to keep
waving around our vaginas?
- I wouldn't want you
expressing
that particular opinion
on camera today.
- You know,
these are getting really bad.
You should have somebody
look at them,
for this and maybe this.
[energetic music]
- Alan Strom. Wesley Payne.
- Oh, yes. Hi.
- Just want to say
no hard feelings
for what's to come.
I know how this goes.
- How what goes?
- You come for me,
I strike back,
you counter, and so on.
It's how the dance is...danced.
But if you come for the king,
you best not miss.
- We're an interview.
That's a rap battle.
- [chuckles]
Okay, well, the day is young.
- So these are the talking
points you might want to hit.
Feel free to ask her about
this charity work right there.
Also, I'm gonna nix
her taking you for a drive.
Feels a little first-thought.
- It's a car company.
You don't want to show
the CEO driving a car?
- It's a cliché, isn't it?
Also, can you tell
your sound guy that sometimes,
her voice can go high,
and I just don't want
the audio to peak
and for her to sound shrill?
- Got it.
I will convey that immediately.
- Thanks.
- You okay?
- Mm-hmm.
- You seem a little--
I don't know if bonkers
is the most helpful term.
- Ouch.
Yeah, I'm a little stressed.
- Mm-hmm.
- Normally I am the filter
between the company
and the press,
and today,
we're all just out there.
Just raw-dogging it.
- Raw-dogging it.
- It's an industry term.
- Well, you know, you don't
gotta worry about that.
I think we can all
handle it ourselves.
- Yeah, I'm not really worried
about you.
It's some others.
- Uh-oh, looks like it's
Matthew McConaughey calling.
- See? Look at that.
- Matty!
All right,
all right, all right.
[laughing]
He's laughing.
- So are you guys--
are gonna cue me,
or should I just walk out or--
- Whenever you're ready.
- I'm sorry?
- Whenever you're ready.
- Ah, okay. Got it. Got it.
Hi, I'm Ka--you know, I'm just
gonna--just give it one more.
I'm just gonna--here.
Just--sorry.
- Sure. Yeah. Great.
- [clears throat]
Alan, welcome to Payne Motors.
- Katherine, thank you so much
for inviting us.
- Today, I'm gonna
give you guys a little peek
behind the scenes, as it were,
of what makes Payne tick.
- That would be great.
- Yeah, it's wonderful.
This is the nerve center
of operations.
It's really
where it all happens.
It's a great group of people.
Diverse, of course.
That's always been
a priority for me personally.
And honestly, it's really
more of a family
than a bunch of employees,
I would say.
- Very nice.
Could you introduce us
to a few of them?
- Yeah. Specifically, you mean?
- Ideally.
- Sure. Sure. Sure.
Where to begin? Hi. Hi there.
Hi, guys. How are we today?
Yeah, that's, um--
yeah, I don't wanna
embarrass anybody
by putting them on the spot.
Oh, oh, there's Dori.
Yes. We've got Dori.
Dori. This is my secretary.
Well, my assistant.
My assistant.
- Yes.
- Really more of a friend.
- Oh, yes.
- Good friend.
- Yes. We are super close.
Just like sisters.
- Yes. Yes.
- Go to church every Sunday.
- We do. Big church friends.
- Wow.
- Thank God for that.
- For that, yes.
- So that's the bullpen.
And now if you follow me,
I'm gonna let you guys see
just what makes Payne Cars
the best damn cars
on the market today.
[both chuckle]
- So should we go or--
- Oh, yes.
I just thought
you might wanna cut there.
Great.
Yeah, let's--
let's keep it moving here.
- Lead the way/
- Hi, Dan--
I'm gonna go this way.
- It's Joshua.
- Joshua.
.
- So you guys all work
with Katherine day-to-day.
We just want to hear a little
bit about what that's like.
- And just to reiterate,
I'm also here
to step in if required,
and I'm also recording
all of this.
So there won't be
any creative editing
from our friends
in the fourth estate.
- Okay.
So who wants to go first?
- I will.
- We can.
- I've come to like her,
actually.
When she was first made CEO,
people wanted me
to take the job,
and there was all this drama--
- What drama?
- Well, you know,
there was that hashtag,
#WesNotTheDress.
Totally offensive,
but it went viral.
- I never saw that.
- Well, Twitter shows you
different trends
based on your settings--
- Katherine is very smart.
And when she first got here,
we were able to solve
lots of big problems.
- No. No big problems.
She didn't mean to say
"big problems."
- No, just issues.
- Not issues.
No, we all agree
there were no issues.
- Yeah, Katherine?
Katherine's amazing.
She's friendly,
but also a leader
and a real motivator, yeah.
- [kissing]
That's Jack being a kiss-ass.
- Seriously?
- I'm so sorry.
A kiss-tushy?
Can we say tushy?
- You can say kiss-ass.
- See? It's fine.
You can say kiss-ass.
- And this is just a taste
of all the details
that go into designing a car.
I mean, it really is
more an art than a science.
- And how involved
is Katherine personally
in the technical aspects
of design?
- Oh, not too--
- I'm extremely involved.
Extremely involved.
Yeah, I'm kind of a nerd
about this stuff.
I mean, not that level,
but I just love
all of the components
that go into making a car.
You know, I mean, like,
I love the design of this.
This component.
It's just gorgeous.
Cyrus, what is
the technical name for this?
- Espresso machine.
- Yes, but you were thinking
of repurposing it as--
- As a--
- As a--
- Cappuccino machine?
- Right.
- And when my grandmama
was about to pass away,
I was holding one hand,
and Katherine was
holding the other hand,
and she put Katherine hand
in mine,
and she said, "As long
as you guys are holding hands,
I'm not really gone."
- Wow.
Thank you for that.
- You're so welcome.
- I think we all have stories
of ways
that Katherine has inspired us
to varying degrees.
- Without Katherine
I wouldn't even be here.
I was just a guy
working on the assembly line,
and she really saw
something in me
and gave me an opportunity.
- She promoted you all the way
from the factory
to the C-suite?
- That is Katherine Hastings.
She sees potential in people.
- But how did that work?
She's the CEO.
You're on the assembly line.
How did you come
across her path?
- What did you say now?
- That's actually off-limits
because there's an NDA,
so there's--
- Oh.
- There's--there's--
- There's an NDA?
- Yes, but not the kind
you're thinking of.
[laughs]
It's nothing sexual,
which is what everyone
always thinks, don't they,
when they hear that, NDA.
They're like, "Oh, who did
that guy have sex with?"
In this case, it was no one.
- Well, Sadie.
- Why would you bring that up?
- Oh, come on. Seriously.
- 'Cause it's the truth.
You can't lie to the press.
It's illegal.
- That's the FBI,
you [bleep]-wit.
You can lie to the press
as much as you want.
- To be clear,
nobody's lied to you today.
- So we won't be recording
sound for this part.
We just want to get some B-roll
of you helping Cyrus
with his design.
- Helping?
- Yes, absolutely. Got it.
- Okay.
- Okay. All right.
Ready?
- Ready when you are.
- Okay. Let's see.
This looks like it could be
an interesting
blippity-bloop-bloop and--
[muttering]
- [humming]
- What?
Why are you making that face?
- What face?
- It just looks like
you're confused or something.
- So sorry, I didn't realize
I was doing it.
- Oh, okay. Great.
So anyway, brippity-boo
and peas and carrots
and chocolate ice cream--
- [groaning]
- And so on and so forth.
And so--
why are you trying
to make me look bad?
- I don't know
what you're talking about.
- [chuckles]
Yeah, if Charlie Altman
became CEO,
I wonder who he'd want
as his lead designer.
The man who's been working
with him for the past 20 years
designing all of his jets
and rocket ships
and who's also
his brother-in-law,
or the guy who designed
that turd over there.
[chuckles]
- Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Katherine has a vision.
It's just sometimes,
you have no idea
where she's going
with something.
And then it's like...
but then you're like,
"Okay, yes.
Yeah, I definitely had never,
ever thought of doing that."
- My point is that Katherine
didn't have sex with anyone.
There's no MeToo
situation here.
- Well, she's an executive
and he was a factory worker.
Does that count?
- No.
- No, there's no direct line
of power there.
I mean, there's multiple layers
of authority in between them.
Actually, realizing
that makes it sound worse.
- Why are you here?
- To stop you guys
from talking yourselves
into trouble.
- Guys, let's not make this
into something it wasn't, okay?
It wasn't like I was coerced.
- Exactly.
None of us were there.
We don't know how it went down.
For all we know, he was
just as into it as she was.
- We were both into it.
- Exactly, and no one
can prove otherwise,
so I'm on your side.
- Anyway, I think
you've probably got
everything you need from us.
- We're still on
the first question.
- Good. This can keep going.
- You guys, listen,
it was all mutual, okay?
I wasn't pressured.
I wasn't coerced.
I was totally into her.
I'm still totally into it.
I just wanna--
both: Ooh.
- That's a spicy meatball.
[chuckles]
- I think you've
achieved perfection.
- Well,
I'm extremely vain, so...
I just don't want to look
too shiny
when you start grilling me.
- There will be very little
grilling, I promise.
This should be 99% stress-free.
- What do you got for me,
torque versus horsepower,
or a carburetor
versus fuel injection?
- We're already above
my pay grade with that.
No, no, I thought we'd start
with something easy.
- Okay, great.
- I want to know,
what does Katherine Hastings
love about cars?
- What do I love about cars?
- What do you love about cars?
- I mean, I guess--
you know, just everything.
Everything.
- Sure.
But what comes to mind
specifically?
I'm curious.
- I mean, there--of specifics,
in terms of--
I mean, besides, you know...
the mechanic--
you know, mechanicals,
you know, that's--
you know, I mean,
people think that women
don't appreciate cars
as much as men,
but, you know, as the first
female CEO of Payne--
and by the way, fewer than 10%
of Fortune 500 CEOs are women.
- Sure.
- And Hillary was
at the glass ceiling,
but that was now--
it's now the glass floor.
If you want to think
about the Ghostbusters, okay--
- Okay, but Katherine--
- The Ghostbusters
are all women,
and they deserve to be.
- Sure, and I do want
to get there,
but Katherine, you're the CEO
of a car company.
Can you name a single thing
that you love about cars?
- They're cars, you know,
so they're just cars, right?
And they're amazing.
You know, how they just--
they go, you know--
they go when they--
you know, just "nyoom."
- Nyoom?
- Yeah, you know, just "nyoom."
Yeah.
- Interesting.
- Mm-hmm.
- Huh.
.
- "Cars go nyoom"?
- Mm-hmm.
- What does that even mean?
- Well, to be fair,
we probably all said things
that we didn't actually mean.
- Like me. I was just talking
out of my ass half the time.
Probably wasn't
making any sense.
- I warned everybody there
would be gotcha questions,
and I hate to say it,
but I told you so.
- I don't think you do hate
to say it.
- It wasn't a gotcha question.
They asked me
what I love about cars.
It wasn't even
a softball question.
It was a giant beach ball,
and I whiffed it.
Let's face it, I shouldn't be
running a car company.
This isn't where I shine.
- Now, hold up.
Just 'cause you can't describe
what you like about something
doesn't mean you don't like it.
Like sex.
It's so good,
but there's no words
to describe it.
It's, like, orgasmic.
- I once saw
a Whitney Houston documentary,
and she said singing
was indescribable,
cut to her singing, and it
gave me freaking goose bumps.
You're gonna tell me
Whitney Elizabeth Houston
doesn't shine?
- Except they can't
cut to me driving,
so it's really not
quite the same thing.
- Yeah, well,
what if they could, though?
They wanted you to take 'em
for a drive,
so take them for a drive.
- Except I can't drive,
which brings me right back to,
I shouldn't be
running a car company.
- Well, driving's easy.
It's two pedals
and a steering wheel.
Anyone can do it.
- That's not crazy, actually.
'Cause you wouldn't be
on a highway.
You'd just be
on a wide-open test track.
- Yeah, if you go slow enough.
I mean, it's not like
you're gonna crash.
So what's the worst
that could happen?
- Oh, I don't know,
I could look
unbelievably stupid
on national television.
- Stupider than
"Cars go nyoom"?
[percussive music]
- So the gas is my right foot?
- Yes.
- And what about the brake?
- It's also your right foot.
- What the hell's
my left foot doing?
- It's just sitting there.
- Yeah,
it's just sitting there.
- That's the design?
And you let this slide?
- It predated me by a bit.
- This was a mistake.
- It just seems scary.
Once you get moving,
it's nothing.
It's like riding a bike.
- I don't know
how to ride a bike.
Hey!
- [sighs]
- I've never actually seen her
do anything.
Have you?
- [exhales]
Not really.
- So first things first.
Everyone got
their seat belt on?
I'm all about the safety.
Always. Seat belts.
- I think we're good.
I think we're ready.
- Great. Great. You're ready.
I'm ready. We're all ready.
So I guess--
I guess, yeah, we'll...
Did someone fart?
- I think I just rubbed
against the leather seat.
- Oh, well, if you need to use
the facilities, we can wait.
Because, you know,
you don't want to hold it in
It could get impacted,
and then where are you?
You know, you're in trouble.
That's where you are.
- It was just the seat.
- [whispering]
Just the seat.
- It's just a drive.
It'll be fine.
- You don't know that.
Bad things happen all the time.
Just look at history. Terrible.
- "It's just a drive.
It'll be fine."
I bet that's what
Dodi said to Diana.
- Now, if you're wondering
why the crazy camouflage,
it's because
we haven't released
this model to the public yet,
so we're disguising the detail,
so don't take a peek.
- I'm sorry,
is something wrong?
- Wrong?
- Is there a reason
you don't want to drive?
Are you feeling all right?
- Me?
No, I feel fine. No, I'm fine.
If anything, it's Old Farty
that we should be
concerned about.
How's your stomach?
Are you good? You good?
- Yeah, I'm good.
- You're good? Okay.
You're good? Okay, great.
So we're all healthy.
We're all healthy. That's good.
So nothing left to do, I gue--
nothing left to do but--
but drive.
- Great.
- Oh!
- What?
- Oh, God. Uh, sorry.
Saw a squirrel.
- I did not see a squirrel.
- Yeah, no, he was
a big [bleep].
- Okay.
- Yeah. Whoo!
No, we're clear.
We're all clear.
So we can drive.
Guess we can go. We can go.
- Real grandma energy, huh?
- Hey, so some of that stuff
in your interview
might have come out
a little wrong.
- Oh, those things are weird.
- Yeah, it was
my first interview
and stuff gets out of context.
- It's fake news.
- Yeah, yeah.
- ♪ Sadie and Jack
sitting in a tree ♪
[bleep] [bleep]
[bleep] [bleep]--
- Thanks, Dori.
- Is this the speed
you normally drive?
- Oh, I just--
I thought I should
take it easy,
you know, for the cameras.
- Oh, I think it'd be fine
if you picked it up a little.
- Oh. All right, sure.
Whoa! Oh, oh!
[laughs nervously]
Just shot forward.
- Mm-hmm.
- Like a bullet!
[laughs]
- I wonder if us
all standing here watching
is kind of revealing
how terribly we think
this might go.
- Yes, it is a trifle
conspicuous, isn't it?
- I don't want to miss
a crash, though.
- It's fun, right?
- You always get this excited
driving 30 miles an hour?
- Oh, yeah, 30. 30!
Dirty 30.
[laughs]
God.
I love driving!
.
- That thing flies!
It's like
you just touch the pedal,
and you're like
a bat out of hell!
- Told you. Cars are fun.
- Fun?
I mean, fun doesn't even
come close.
It was, like, orgasmic.
And it was so responsive.
I mean, it just felt like
it was an extension
of my body, you know?
Whose department is that?
- That would be mine.
- Oh, well, good [bleep] job
'cause I felt like
an armored ballerina out there!
God, I'm buzzing so much,
I'm horny.
Do you guys feel horny
after you drive?
- Oh, always.
- All right.
I am gonna go
finish this profile,
I am gonna go home,
and I'm gonna [bleep]
my husband raw.
You guys coming?
- Just for the first part,
right?
- So how often do you walk
the building like this?
- Oh, as much as possible.
Yeah, I'm always out here
talking with the employees,
joking around.
Hey, how you doing?
Good to see you.
You know, you can't
really do this job
sitting up in a tower
like some astronaut
from outer space.
- Oh, snap.
- What do you think
would surprise people
about your job?
- It's looking good.
- Yeah, looks good. Worked out.
- I would just say
that it's not that surprising.
I think there's this image
of executives
as these kind of selfish,
conniving villains,
but we're just regular people
doing our best.
Sometimes we make mistakes
and you learn from them
and you move on.
- By mistakes, do you mean
defective locking pawls,
for example?
- Um, I'm sorry?
- There have been reports
of Payne Hydras
rolling out of park
due to defective locking pawls,
even an allegation
that you knew about the defect
and covered it up.
- Really?
- Do you know anything
about that?
- Ah, locking--locking Pauls?
- Pawls.
- Did you say Paul?
- Pawl, with a W?
- Oh, no, at first,
I thought you were saying
some guy named Paul,
and then I'm like,
"What's this Paul guy do
that's supposed to be locking?"
- Sorry, just to be clear,
you're denying
ever knowing anything
about defective locking pawls?
- Well, obviously,
I will look into it,
but yes, this is the first
I'm hearing about it.
- Okay, Katherine,
thank you so much.
I think we've got
everything we need.
Thank you.
- It's my pleasure.
- Sure. Thank you.
[chuckles]
- Does everybody remember
how I said,
"Watch out
for gotcha questions"?
- Yeah, her door
is still closed.
She says she's thinking,
but you don't think
that she, like--
[croaks]
Do you?
- No, she loves herself
too much.
- So what happens now?
- I don't know.
I've never been involved
in a massive scandal.
I mean, national humiliation,
prison time?
It's all new to me.
[laughs nervously]
- I'm the one
whose family company
is about to go up in flames.
What am I supposed to do,
just live off my wealth?
[Queen and David Bowie's
"Under Pressure"]
♪
- How's everyone doing?
- Fantastic, thanks.
How are you?
- I'm good.
Come on, everyone.
Off your asses.
We've got work to do.
This is our response plan.
All right, Elliot,
I need a risk assessment.
Where are we vulnerable?
- Okay.
- Sadie, build a response team.
I've got a crisis consultant
I've used in the past.
He's expecting your call.
- So you've been through
something like this before?
- You don't spend 20 years
in pharmaceuticals
without dealing
with a scandal or two.
Jack, I want a list
of who knew what,
who they talk to,
and who those people talk to.
- Got it.
- Cyrus, find out,
were the pawls defective,
yes or no?
"Maybe" is no longer
a part of your vocabulary.
- I've never even heard
that word before.
- What should I do?
- I don't have
anything for you.
- So just bird's-eye
everything, cool.
- Look, guys,
things are gonna get rough.
And I know you're scared.
I know you feel lost.
But if you follow my lead,
I will get us through it.
You think Whitney Houston
is a star?
Just wait.
This is where I shine.
- ♪ This is ourselves
♪ Under pressure
♪
♪ Under pressure
[upbeat music]
- So as most of you know,
the news show "Contour"
will be in the offices today
shooting a segment
about Katherine.
- It's officially
about Katherine,
but it's actually
about all of us.
- It's focused specifically
on Katherine.
- Yes, it's ostensibly
about Katherine.
That's what I just said.
- At any rate, let's all just
be professional and positive.
Do not do or say anything
that you would not want to see
on national television, okay?
- Remember,
reporters are snakes.
If you give them an opening,
they will slither in and pounce
and bite you with poison
until you're dead.
- I thought
this was supposed to be
just, like, a puff piece
about Katherine.
- About both of us.
- Oh, Jack.
That's how they get you.
They promise you a puff piece.
"Oh, this'll just be
a lovely profile."
And then it's gotcha question,
gotcha question,
gotcha question.
We have let the fox
into the henhouse, okay,
and the vultures are circling.
- You have way too many animal
metaphors happening right now.
- That's fair.
Yes, I was gonna mention
the frog and the scorpion,
but I backed out of it.
- So if Katherine looks bad,
do we really think
that the board
is gonna fire her
and hire that astronaut?
- Charlie Altman? Yeah.
They've already been
talking to him. Why?
- Just pointing out that
our CEO who doesn't know cars
and can't even drive might be
replaced by a former astronaut
who's passionate
about technology
and literally been to the moon.
Just so we all know
what's at stake here.
- That is not gonna happen.
This is just
a positive profile piece.
- They literally killed
the Princess of Wales, okay?
They murdered her, understand?
And if they could do that
to her,
then what are they gonna do
to this guy?
Nothing good.
- ♪ Bom bom
bom-bom-bom-bom-bom ♪
♪ Buh buh bom-bom-bom
buh bom-bom-bom-bom ♪
[chorus vocalizing]
[knock at door]
- How's it going?
- Great.
She's like
a engineering textbook.
- Well, I've been studying
all morning.
I am not about to let
the board replace me
with some space jockey.
At least not before
my stock options vest
in two years and eight months.
- Really tracking that.
Look,
the most important thing today
is conveying passion.
That's what'll make people
love you
and the board want to keep you.
You don't need to know
the specs
on a 1984 Payne Chimera.
You just need to show people
that this is where you shine.
- So I shouldn't mention
that the '84 Chimera
was the fastest in its class
and had over 350 horsepower?
- Ooh.
- Someone's been doing
her homework.
- Don't look so shocked.
It kind of activates
your worry lines.
- What are you--oh my God.
- And if you get in a jam,
you can always bring up
the woman thing.
- Yes, you're the first
female CEO of Payne.
- Oh, God, no, the woman thing
is so played out.
The glass ceiling,
I heart Hillary,
what if the Ghostbusters
were all ladies?
You know,
the revolution's over.
Why do we have to keep
waving around our vaginas?
- I wouldn't want you
expressing
that particular opinion
on camera today.
- You know,
these are getting really bad.
You should have somebody
look at them,
for this and maybe this.
[energetic music]
- Alan Strom. Wesley Payne.
- Oh, yes. Hi.
- Just want to say
no hard feelings
for what's to come.
I know how this goes.
- How what goes?
- You come for me,
I strike back,
you counter, and so on.
It's how the dance is...danced.
But if you come for the king,
you best not miss.
- We're an interview.
That's a rap battle.
- [chuckles]
Okay, well, the day is young.
- So these are the talking
points you might want to hit.
Feel free to ask her about
this charity work right there.
Also, I'm gonna nix
her taking you for a drive.
Feels a little first-thought.
- It's a car company.
You don't want to show
the CEO driving a car?
- It's a cliché, isn't it?
Also, can you tell
your sound guy that sometimes,
her voice can go high,
and I just don't want
the audio to peak
and for her to sound shrill?
- Got it.
I will convey that immediately.
- Thanks.
- You okay?
- Mm-hmm.
- You seem a little--
I don't know if bonkers
is the most helpful term.
- Ouch.
Yeah, I'm a little stressed.
- Mm-hmm.
- Normally I am the filter
between the company
and the press,
and today,
we're all just out there.
Just raw-dogging it.
- Raw-dogging it.
- It's an industry term.
- Well, you know, you don't
gotta worry about that.
I think we can all
handle it ourselves.
- Yeah, I'm not really worried
about you.
It's some others.
- Uh-oh, looks like it's
Matthew McConaughey calling.
- See? Look at that.
- Matty!
All right,
all right, all right.
[laughing]
He's laughing.
- So are you guys--
are gonna cue me,
or should I just walk out or--
- Whenever you're ready.
- I'm sorry?
- Whenever you're ready.
- Ah, okay. Got it. Got it.
Hi, I'm Ka--you know, I'm just
gonna--just give it one more.
I'm just gonna--here.
Just--sorry.
- Sure. Yeah. Great.
- [clears throat]
Alan, welcome to Payne Motors.
- Katherine, thank you so much
for inviting us.
- Today, I'm gonna
give you guys a little peek
behind the scenes, as it were,
of what makes Payne tick.
- That would be great.
- Yeah, it's wonderful.
This is the nerve center
of operations.
It's really
where it all happens.
It's a great group of people.
Diverse, of course.
That's always been
a priority for me personally.
And honestly, it's really
more of a family
than a bunch of employees,
I would say.
- Very nice.
Could you introduce us
to a few of them?
- Yeah. Specifically, you mean?
- Ideally.
- Sure. Sure. Sure.
Where to begin? Hi. Hi there.
Hi, guys. How are we today?
Yeah, that's, um--
yeah, I don't wanna
embarrass anybody
by putting them on the spot.
Oh, oh, there's Dori.
Yes. We've got Dori.
Dori. This is my secretary.
Well, my assistant.
My assistant.
- Yes.
- Really more of a friend.
- Oh, yes.
- Good friend.
- Yes. We are super close.
Just like sisters.
- Yes. Yes.
- Go to church every Sunday.
- We do. Big church friends.
- Wow.
- Thank God for that.
- For that, yes.
- So that's the bullpen.
And now if you follow me,
I'm gonna let you guys see
just what makes Payne Cars
the best damn cars
on the market today.
[both chuckle]
- So should we go or--
- Oh, yes.
I just thought
you might wanna cut there.
Great.
Yeah, let's--
let's keep it moving here.
- Lead the way/
- Hi, Dan--
I'm gonna go this way.
- It's Joshua.
- Joshua.
.
- So you guys all work
with Katherine day-to-day.
We just want to hear a little
bit about what that's like.
- And just to reiterate,
I'm also here
to step in if required,
and I'm also recording
all of this.
So there won't be
any creative editing
from our friends
in the fourth estate.
- Okay.
So who wants to go first?
- I will.
- We can.
- I've come to like her,
actually.
When she was first made CEO,
people wanted me
to take the job,
and there was all this drama--
- What drama?
- Well, you know,
there was that hashtag,
#WesNotTheDress.
Totally offensive,
but it went viral.
- I never saw that.
- Well, Twitter shows you
different trends
based on your settings--
- Katherine is very smart.
And when she first got here,
we were able to solve
lots of big problems.
- No. No big problems.
She didn't mean to say
"big problems."
- No, just issues.
- Not issues.
No, we all agree
there were no issues.
- Yeah, Katherine?
Katherine's amazing.
She's friendly,
but also a leader
and a real motivator, yeah.
- [kissing]
That's Jack being a kiss-ass.
- Seriously?
- I'm so sorry.
A kiss-tushy?
Can we say tushy?
- You can say kiss-ass.
- See? It's fine.
You can say kiss-ass.
- And this is just a taste
of all the details
that go into designing a car.
I mean, it really is
more an art than a science.
- And how involved
is Katherine personally
in the technical aspects
of design?
- Oh, not too--
- I'm extremely involved.
Extremely involved.
Yeah, I'm kind of a nerd
about this stuff.
I mean, not that level,
but I just love
all of the components
that go into making a car.
You know, I mean, like,
I love the design of this.
This component.
It's just gorgeous.
Cyrus, what is
the technical name for this?
- Espresso machine.
- Yes, but you were thinking
of repurposing it as--
- As a--
- As a--
- Cappuccino machine?
- Right.
- And when my grandmama
was about to pass away,
I was holding one hand,
and Katherine was
holding the other hand,
and she put Katherine hand
in mine,
and she said, "As long
as you guys are holding hands,
I'm not really gone."
- Wow.
Thank you for that.
- You're so welcome.
- I think we all have stories
of ways
that Katherine has inspired us
to varying degrees.
- Without Katherine
I wouldn't even be here.
I was just a guy
working on the assembly line,
and she really saw
something in me
and gave me an opportunity.
- She promoted you all the way
from the factory
to the C-suite?
- That is Katherine Hastings.
She sees potential in people.
- But how did that work?
She's the CEO.
You're on the assembly line.
How did you come
across her path?
- What did you say now?
- That's actually off-limits
because there's an NDA,
so there's--
- Oh.
- There's--there's--
- There's an NDA?
- Yes, but not the kind
you're thinking of.
[laughs]
It's nothing sexual,
which is what everyone
always thinks, don't they,
when they hear that, NDA.
They're like, "Oh, who did
that guy have sex with?"
In this case, it was no one.
- Well, Sadie.
- Why would you bring that up?
- Oh, come on. Seriously.
- 'Cause it's the truth.
You can't lie to the press.
It's illegal.
- That's the FBI,
you [bleep]-wit.
You can lie to the press
as much as you want.
- To be clear,
nobody's lied to you today.
- So we won't be recording
sound for this part.
We just want to get some B-roll
of you helping Cyrus
with his design.
- Helping?
- Yes, absolutely. Got it.
- Okay.
- Okay. All right.
Ready?
- Ready when you are.
- Okay. Let's see.
This looks like it could be
an interesting
blippity-bloop-bloop and--
[muttering]
- [humming]
- What?
Why are you making that face?
- What face?
- It just looks like
you're confused or something.
- So sorry, I didn't realize
I was doing it.
- Oh, okay. Great.
So anyway, brippity-boo
and peas and carrots
and chocolate ice cream--
- [groaning]
- And so on and so forth.
And so--
why are you trying
to make me look bad?
- I don't know
what you're talking about.
- [chuckles]
Yeah, if Charlie Altman
became CEO,
I wonder who he'd want
as his lead designer.
The man who's been working
with him for the past 20 years
designing all of his jets
and rocket ships
and who's also
his brother-in-law,
or the guy who designed
that turd over there.
[chuckles]
- Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Katherine has a vision.
It's just sometimes,
you have no idea
where she's going
with something.
And then it's like...
but then you're like,
"Okay, yes.
Yeah, I definitely had never,
ever thought of doing that."
- My point is that Katherine
didn't have sex with anyone.
There's no MeToo
situation here.
- Well, she's an executive
and he was a factory worker.
Does that count?
- No.
- No, there's no direct line
of power there.
I mean, there's multiple layers
of authority in between them.
Actually, realizing
that makes it sound worse.
- Why are you here?
- To stop you guys
from talking yourselves
into trouble.
- Guys, let's not make this
into something it wasn't, okay?
It wasn't like I was coerced.
- Exactly.
None of us were there.
We don't know how it went down.
For all we know, he was
just as into it as she was.
- We were both into it.
- Exactly, and no one
can prove otherwise,
so I'm on your side.
- Anyway, I think
you've probably got
everything you need from us.
- We're still on
the first question.
- Good. This can keep going.
- You guys, listen,
it was all mutual, okay?
I wasn't pressured.
I wasn't coerced.
I was totally into her.
I'm still totally into it.
I just wanna--
both: Ooh.
- That's a spicy meatball.
[chuckles]
- I think you've
achieved perfection.
- Well,
I'm extremely vain, so...
I just don't want to look
too shiny
when you start grilling me.
- There will be very little
grilling, I promise.
This should be 99% stress-free.
- What do you got for me,
torque versus horsepower,
or a carburetor
versus fuel injection?
- We're already above
my pay grade with that.
No, no, I thought we'd start
with something easy.
- Okay, great.
- I want to know,
what does Katherine Hastings
love about cars?
- What do I love about cars?
- What do you love about cars?
- I mean, I guess--
you know, just everything.
Everything.
- Sure.
But what comes to mind
specifically?
I'm curious.
- I mean, there--of specifics,
in terms of--
I mean, besides, you know...
the mechanic--
you know, mechanicals,
you know, that's--
you know, I mean,
people think that women
don't appreciate cars
as much as men,
but, you know, as the first
female CEO of Payne--
and by the way, fewer than 10%
of Fortune 500 CEOs are women.
- Sure.
- And Hillary was
at the glass ceiling,
but that was now--
it's now the glass floor.
If you want to think
about the Ghostbusters, okay--
- Okay, but Katherine--
- The Ghostbusters
are all women,
and they deserve to be.
- Sure, and I do want
to get there,
but Katherine, you're the CEO
of a car company.
Can you name a single thing
that you love about cars?
- They're cars, you know,
so they're just cars, right?
And they're amazing.
You know, how they just--
they go, you know--
they go when they--
you know, just "nyoom."
- Nyoom?
- Yeah, you know, just "nyoom."
Yeah.
- Interesting.
- Mm-hmm.
- Huh.
.
- "Cars go nyoom"?
- Mm-hmm.
- What does that even mean?
- Well, to be fair,
we probably all said things
that we didn't actually mean.
- Like me. I was just talking
out of my ass half the time.
Probably wasn't
making any sense.
- I warned everybody there
would be gotcha questions,
and I hate to say it,
but I told you so.
- I don't think you do hate
to say it.
- It wasn't a gotcha question.
They asked me
what I love about cars.
It wasn't even
a softball question.
It was a giant beach ball,
and I whiffed it.
Let's face it, I shouldn't be
running a car company.
This isn't where I shine.
- Now, hold up.
Just 'cause you can't describe
what you like about something
doesn't mean you don't like it.
Like sex.
It's so good,
but there's no words
to describe it.
It's, like, orgasmic.
- I once saw
a Whitney Houston documentary,
and she said singing
was indescribable,
cut to her singing, and it
gave me freaking goose bumps.
You're gonna tell me
Whitney Elizabeth Houston
doesn't shine?
- Except they can't
cut to me driving,
so it's really not
quite the same thing.
- Yeah, well,
what if they could, though?
They wanted you to take 'em
for a drive,
so take them for a drive.
- Except I can't drive,
which brings me right back to,
I shouldn't be
running a car company.
- Well, driving's easy.
It's two pedals
and a steering wheel.
Anyone can do it.
- That's not crazy, actually.
'Cause you wouldn't be
on a highway.
You'd just be
on a wide-open test track.
- Yeah, if you go slow enough.
I mean, it's not like
you're gonna crash.
So what's the worst
that could happen?
- Oh, I don't know,
I could look
unbelievably stupid
on national television.
- Stupider than
"Cars go nyoom"?
[percussive music]
- So the gas is my right foot?
- Yes.
- And what about the brake?
- It's also your right foot.
- What the hell's
my left foot doing?
- It's just sitting there.
- Yeah,
it's just sitting there.
- That's the design?
And you let this slide?
- It predated me by a bit.
- This was a mistake.
- It just seems scary.
Once you get moving,
it's nothing.
It's like riding a bike.
- I don't know
how to ride a bike.
Hey!
- [sighs]
- I've never actually seen her
do anything.
Have you?
- [exhales]
Not really.
- So first things first.
Everyone got
their seat belt on?
I'm all about the safety.
Always. Seat belts.
- I think we're good.
I think we're ready.
- Great. Great. You're ready.
I'm ready. We're all ready.
So I guess--
I guess, yeah, we'll...
Did someone fart?
- I think I just rubbed
against the leather seat.
- Oh, well, if you need to use
the facilities, we can wait.
Because, you know,
you don't want to hold it in
It could get impacted,
and then where are you?
You know, you're in trouble.
That's where you are.
- It was just the seat.
- [whispering]
Just the seat.
- It's just a drive.
It'll be fine.
- You don't know that.
Bad things happen all the time.
Just look at history. Terrible.
- "It's just a drive.
It'll be fine."
I bet that's what
Dodi said to Diana.
- Now, if you're wondering
why the crazy camouflage,
it's because
we haven't released
this model to the public yet,
so we're disguising the detail,
so don't take a peek.
- I'm sorry,
is something wrong?
- Wrong?
- Is there a reason
you don't want to drive?
Are you feeling all right?
- Me?
No, I feel fine. No, I'm fine.
If anything, it's Old Farty
that we should be
concerned about.
How's your stomach?
Are you good? You good?
- Yeah, I'm good.
- You're good? Okay.
You're good? Okay, great.
So we're all healthy.
We're all healthy. That's good.
So nothing left to do, I gue--
nothing left to do but--
but drive.
- Great.
- Oh!
- What?
- Oh, God. Uh, sorry.
Saw a squirrel.
- I did not see a squirrel.
- Yeah, no, he was
a big [bleep].
- Okay.
- Yeah. Whoo!
No, we're clear.
We're all clear.
So we can drive.
Guess we can go. We can go.
- Real grandma energy, huh?
- Hey, so some of that stuff
in your interview
might have come out
a little wrong.
- Oh, those things are weird.
- Yeah, it was
my first interview
and stuff gets out of context.
- It's fake news.
- Yeah, yeah.
- ♪ Sadie and Jack
sitting in a tree ♪
[bleep] [bleep]
[bleep] [bleep]--
- Thanks, Dori.
- Is this the speed
you normally drive?
- Oh, I just--
I thought I should
take it easy,
you know, for the cameras.
- Oh, I think it'd be fine
if you picked it up a little.
- Oh. All right, sure.
Whoa! Oh, oh!
[laughs nervously]
Just shot forward.
- Mm-hmm.
- Like a bullet!
[laughs]
- I wonder if us
all standing here watching
is kind of revealing
how terribly we think
this might go.
- Yes, it is a trifle
conspicuous, isn't it?
- I don't want to miss
a crash, though.
- It's fun, right?
- You always get this excited
driving 30 miles an hour?
- Oh, yeah, 30. 30!
Dirty 30.
[laughs]
God.
I love driving!
.
- That thing flies!
It's like
you just touch the pedal,
and you're like
a bat out of hell!
- Told you. Cars are fun.
- Fun?
I mean, fun doesn't even
come close.
It was, like, orgasmic.
And it was so responsive.
I mean, it just felt like
it was an extension
of my body, you know?
Whose department is that?
- That would be mine.
- Oh, well, good [bleep] job
'cause I felt like
an armored ballerina out there!
God, I'm buzzing so much,
I'm horny.
Do you guys feel horny
after you drive?
- Oh, always.
- All right.
I am gonna go
finish this profile,
I am gonna go home,
and I'm gonna [bleep]
my husband raw.
You guys coming?
- Just for the first part,
right?
- So how often do you walk
the building like this?
- Oh, as much as possible.
Yeah, I'm always out here
talking with the employees,
joking around.
Hey, how you doing?
Good to see you.
You know, you can't
really do this job
sitting up in a tower
like some astronaut
from outer space.
- Oh, snap.
- What do you think
would surprise people
about your job?
- It's looking good.
- Yeah, looks good. Worked out.
- I would just say
that it's not that surprising.
I think there's this image
of executives
as these kind of selfish,
conniving villains,
but we're just regular people
doing our best.
Sometimes we make mistakes
and you learn from them
and you move on.
- By mistakes, do you mean
defective locking pawls,
for example?
- Um, I'm sorry?
- There have been reports
of Payne Hydras
rolling out of park
due to defective locking pawls,
even an allegation
that you knew about the defect
and covered it up.
- Really?
- Do you know anything
about that?
- Ah, locking--locking Pauls?
- Pawls.
- Did you say Paul?
- Pawl, with a W?
- Oh, no, at first,
I thought you were saying
some guy named Paul,
and then I'm like,
"What's this Paul guy do
that's supposed to be locking?"
- Sorry, just to be clear,
you're denying
ever knowing anything
about defective locking pawls?
- Well, obviously,
I will look into it,
but yes, this is the first
I'm hearing about it.
- Okay, Katherine,
thank you so much.
I think we've got
everything we need.
Thank you.
- It's my pleasure.
- Sure. Thank you.
[chuckles]
- Does everybody remember
how I said,
"Watch out
for gotcha questions"?
- Yeah, her door
is still closed.
She says she's thinking,
but you don't think
that she, like--
[croaks]
Do you?
- No, she loves herself
too much.
- So what happens now?
- I don't know.
I've never been involved
in a massive scandal.
I mean, national humiliation,
prison time?
It's all new to me.
[laughs nervously]
- I'm the one
whose family company
is about to go up in flames.
What am I supposed to do,
just live off my wealth?
[Queen and David Bowie's
"Under Pressure"]
♪
- How's everyone doing?
- Fantastic, thanks.
How are you?
- I'm good.
Come on, everyone.
Off your asses.
We've got work to do.
This is our response plan.
All right, Elliot,
I need a risk assessment.
Where are we vulnerable?
- Okay.
- Sadie, build a response team.
I've got a crisis consultant
I've used in the past.
He's expecting your call.
- So you've been through
something like this before?
- You don't spend 20 years
in pharmaceuticals
without dealing
with a scandal or two.
Jack, I want a list
of who knew what,
who they talk to,
and who those people talk to.
- Got it.
- Cyrus, find out,
were the pawls defective,
yes or no?
"Maybe" is no longer
a part of your vocabulary.
- I've never even heard
that word before.
- What should I do?
- I don't have
anything for you.
- So just bird's-eye
everything, cool.
- Look, guys,
things are gonna get rough.
And I know you're scared.
I know you feel lost.
But if you follow my lead,
I will get us through it.
You think Whitney Houston
is a star?
Just wait.
This is where I shine.
- ♪ This is ourselves
♪ Under pressure
♪
♪ Under pressure