Alone (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 12 - Into the Abyss - full transcript
The remaining participants are worn thin as starvation and isolation become unbearable. One man faces a potentially deadly situation.
[dramatic music]
*
- I did it.
I'm leaving this place.
I need to get home to my kids.
I know they need me,
I just feel it in my gut.
I will always carry
this place in my heart.
- And this tide pool,
it's a deep one.
Got it!
Look at the claws
on you, buddy.
This is a pot-full
of Dungeness crab.
And I am happy.
- Yeah, there's definitely
a storm a-brew.
Every day is so long here now.
When you don't have calories
and you don't have
anything to do,
it sucks.
I really can't wait
to get out of here.
- I just miss my wife
something fierce.
It would be so easy to just
make the call
and be back
with Shauna tomorrow.
- Who are you when everything's
been stripped away?
[bleep].
- [yelping]
- It's scary out here
in these woods.
- I have not had
a serious meal in a week.
- If I can't get a fire,
then I can't stay here.
- It's always in the back
of your mind,
"Well, I could tap out."
- Putting up
with this filming [bleep]?
- Running into a predator,
it's not an if.
It's a when.
Get the hell out of here.
I see you.
Get out of here!
- I'm living
a hand-to-mouth existence.
Yes!
Ah!
- $500,000
is a lot of money.
- It's just gonna keep
getting harder.
- It's not the world
that needs to change.
It's me
that needs to change.
- [moans]
*
*
- Isn't that pretty?
I am so proud of this shank.
I found this on the beach.
I mean, I can just grab this
in my pocket
and use it
and it if impacts
a rock on the far side
of a fish, so be it.
It's a nail.
I can sharpen this again.
I'm shanking all kinds of stuff.
You don't want to
mess with me anymore.
I'm like a...
I don't know, I'm just kind of
going wild here.
How to hunt a limpet: you look
and look and look in the rocks.
I'm gonna use my
pink-handled prison shank.
So I just get him
underneath the corner
and now he's history,
he's fish bait.
*
* Shank the limpet
* Shank the limpet
Is he going mad?
I believe he is.
*
The thing which has gotten me
most, almost everything
I've eaten so far,
has been a hook and a line.
And, yes, it's an active means
and I have to do that
while I'm not doing
other things,
but all the other things
are done.
I'm not hurting for wood,
I have plenty of water,
my shelter is perfect.
*
There's lots of days
I've been fishing
which I didn't catch anything.
*
But I'm getting better at it.
*
Getting better at
finding where they are.
I need to get over there,
but the tide is still
in too far for me to get over.
I'm getting more patient.
*
Yes!
*
Yes!
*
Yes, the biggest rock bass
I have ever caught
in my entire life!
[growls]
Dinner!
Ow!
*
Can you tell I'm
a happy man today?
Can you tell...
that today has been
a good day already?
I saw it happen too.
I dropped the limpet in,
I see this fish move up,
[kissing sound]
She just hit it.
I see--there's
a white limpet,
you know, the white limpets are
white down there,
and it's all dark, and I see
this fish shape moving up,
all a sudden that limpet just
goes--right in.
I gave her a tap,
and oh my goodness,
she's on the hook
and she is on the stringer!
*
It does not
get better than this.
*
This is the grace of God,
all right?
All my life,
I've sucked at fishing.
And I come out here,
I'm like,
"All right, Lord, you know
I need some fish tonight,
because I'm really
super hungry."
*
And he's, like,
"Yeah, I love you, man.
"Here you go.
Eat a giant fish
tonight for dinner."
*
Yes!
"In fact, here's
another giant fish."
*
And I really, truly,
and honestly believe
that if God took his hand
off of me,
I would fail immediately.
*
Just one misplaced step.
That what--all it would take
to take me out of here.
*
I got to clean some fish,
make some soup.
*
There.
I've got more meat in this pot
than at anytime
during my entire stay
at Desolation Cove.
I'd be great to actually share
this experience with somebody.
*
And that's the thing that's
killing me about it.
*
The finer things in life are
only fine if you share them.
*
What good is it to go
to a fine restaurant
and have this
perfect meal alone?
Wouldn't you rather
take a friend?
*
*
- I love this sound.
The sound of the rain
hitting the tarp.
It's a comforting sound to me.
*
It's a way better sound
than the ocean.
I'm--I'm sick
of the ocean sound.
[waves crashing]
The ocean, to me,
is like that one dude
that's like,
"Hah hah hah hah hah!
"Look at me! I'm over here!
"I'm here! Look at me!
I'm here!"
You know,
and you're like,
"All right, dude,
I understand."
"Yeah, but what about my story?
My story.
"I've got a bigger
and better story than yours.
My story."
Okay, dude, you know, we--
I see that you're there.
I understand that
your presence is there.
"No, no, no,
I'm over here!
Here, I'm here."
To me, that's the ocean.
The ocean is always
pow, pow, pow.
[waves crashing]
*
Anyway,
I check my Paiute here.
*
Nothing.
The mice are being
a pain again.
They know about my trap now.
Huh.
I think they've learned,
I don't think they're
coming back anymore.
*
I'm really hungry.
Really hungry.
I've been checking my lines,
nothing's been on them.
I'm starting to get worried.
*
You think it's easy
fishing out there?
I've tried.
You think I haven't
gone out there
every effing night
and fished?
They're not biting
out there right now.
[bleep] criminy.
For some [bleep] reason,
they're not biting.
And I'm running out of bait
that I could be eating.
My gill net has been worthless.
I've caught, like,
two fish the entire time
I've been here
on that gill net.
Oh, this darn gill net.
*
What a pain in the hooskie
this thing has been to me.
*
My son told me not to
pack one of these.
And I said,
"Well, everybody swears by 'em."
And he hemmed and hawed,
and I'm like,
"Nah, he doesn't know
what he's talking about.
I should've listened to him.
I'm done with my gill net.
*
The resources are--
are really thinning out now.
I've really depleted
a lot of, basically,
everything in my area.
If I'm eating 20
periwinkles a day,
almost 20 a day,
it shows,
because they're
not out there.
*
There is so little stuff left.
And now I've come
to the point where
I don't really have
the bait to spare.
*
I can't afford to
bait my hooks every single day
and maybe have
the chance of a fish.
I have to utilize
that resource.
I have to eat those
periwinkles.
I'm done fishing.
That's it.
The periwinkles are actually
guaranteed food,
whereas I'm fishing
and trying to gamble for food.
It's just not worth it.
*
Damn, some of these
are small, man.
[sighs]
Small, small, small.
Far as I'm concerned, man,
I've done everything I can do.
It's sheer hopelessness.
*
Sheer hopelessness.
*
There's no hope of getting
anymore food than what I have.
*
There's no hope.
*
[dramatic music]
*
- Sea otter.
Right in front of my nose.
*
He's finding food all right.
*
I don't think
he has any trouble
feeding himself here at all.
*
And he seems to be having fun
in the process, to boot.
*
Watching a sea otter here.
Pretty amazing critter.
Amazing landscape.
*
This place, uh, not being...
hungry and cold
and wet and all that,
like being, uh,
here having a house, a lodge.
A life of some sort.
A wife.
Would be a marvelous
place to visit.
When all of this is over,
maybe we'll come
and spend some time here,
but, uh, with full bellies.
*
I think I've done
pretty well so far.
I pushed my body a bit much.
I'm very skinny
and I feel quite slow and weak.
I couldn't win a fight
against a rabbit right now.
*
Checking the net.
If we're lucky,
there's something in there.
*
Holy Moses, look at that!
I think there's
a fish in there.
*
*
These guys are incredibly tough,
these fish.
There must've been
a big predator,
but now, today the day
of the hunter came for you.
As it will come
for all of us someday.
*
Now, at my current state
of depletion,
one day without grub is all
I'm willing to take.
And then the experiment
is over.
*
This is the worse shape
I have been in...ever
in my whole entire life,
right now.
*
The reason I'm
hanging on is Shauna.
*
I want to give my wife
a better life than she has.
*
It's all it is right now.
*
I'm from Spain originally.
Even though my wife
is from Canada,
we live in the Yukon territory.
*
I'm not allowed
to work in Canada yet.
She's been supporting me
for a while.
This is my once chance
to support her,
and that's why I'm here.
[spits]
*
This is my one chance in life
I have to really,
really do something
great for my wife.
*
[hums]
*
*
- Every night,
I dream about food.
*
You toss and turn,
you crave, you crave.
You wake up
from a craving dream.
You just got this thing
in the back of your head
that says, "You know, you can
tap, man, you can tap.
"You can be in town
eating a hamburger.
Think about all the restaurants
you're gonna go to."
In the mornings,
when I'm just laying there,
trying to get back to sleep,
it's like a full-blown
raging machine in my head.
*
I'm in a funk right now.
Every morning, I just wake up
and I'm just ready to tap.
Um, and then I
get some food in me,
it gets dark,
and then I'm like,
"Well, that wasn't
such a bad day."
And then every morning,
it starts over again.
*
It's getting worse,
day, by day, by day.
I'm starving Marvin, man.
*
Like, I've never felt
this type of hunger, ever.
*
Every day,
you lay your head down,
and all you can
think about is food.
When you wake up
in the morning,
they're true hunger pains.
My stomach hurts
most of the time.
It's gurgling most of the time,
it's complaining most of the
time that it needs food.
*
How much psychological torment
can you actually take?
This is torment.
*
It's more than
just the cravings.
It's emotional despair,
it's emotional...
trauma.
It's truly trauma.
I'm feeling trauma right now.
*
Yep, it's pretty close
to tap day, boys.
Pretty close to tap day!
It's close!
It's close!
*
I'm gonna be gone!
You've taken
the last bit of my soul.
This is all I can handle!
Do you hear me?
This is all I can do!
I can't do no more!
*
- It's going to be
a beautiful day today.
*
So I'm gonna decorate
this tree with wet socks.
*
No way it's gonna rain,
there's no way.
You know, I say that, knowing
this is Vancouver Island.
And it very well
could rain today.
It could pour down rain.
*
So I'm gonna try
and fish from here.
This is very slippery
seaweed on here, though.
*
This is a place to be careful.
*
This area is just deep.
And I got a nice ledge
right in here.
I'm gonna try and fish.
Maybe there's something
hanging out in there.
*
Oh, something grabbed it.
In the beginning, there was
lots of days like today,
which I didn't eat anything.
There was lots of opportunity
in fish and things going on
out there, I just didn't know
what to do with it.
I didn't know how to get it.
Yes!
*
and now that I do, I'm
consistently hitting on fish.
That's how survival goes.
*
Ugh.
Cut off the hook.
Whoa.
That was close.
That was close.
*
Physically, I can hold my own
for a long time
doing this, I think.
I really can.
*
I know that, emotionally,
this is getting more difficult.
Definitely.
*
There's that hierarchy
of human needs.
If you don't have air, you're
not gonna think about water.
If you don't have water, you're
not gonna think about food.
If I have food,
then I start doing things
like missing my kids.
Start thinking about
the fact that I'm alone.
*
On the one hand,
I'm still happy to be here,
on the other hand,
thoughts of home
are really starting
to get to me.
*
As this becomes more
and more normal to me,
what I'm missing becomes
more and more real.
*
I am lonely.
*
I need a hug.
*
That's what I need right now,
at this moment,
and I can't have that.
I need to talk to my kids
and I can't do that.
*
This is not easy
and I just kind of
push that down.
[sniffles]
*
[wind whistling]
*
*
- You live on
a razor edge out here
as to whether you're gonna
succeed or fail.
And I'm not talking
life or death,
I'm talking having to tap
and go home.
*
It's definitely 1,000 cuts.
It's lack of calories.
You know, the rain.
The rough weather
with the rough tides.
You got the drift coming in
and wrecking your gill net
or wrecking your lines.
The fish not biting.
The mouse chewing through
your pack.
And right now,
it's the freaking hunger.
These are all things that nag
and you and nag at you
and jab and jab and jab.
Until, finally, you just ain't
got nothing left.
I'm at that point now where
I ain't got nothing left.
*
I got to be honest with ya,
I've pretty much--
my will has been broken.
*
I've had enough of this crap.
I'm over it.
It seems stupid
to think that way
when there's that large
of a sum of money involved,
but, you know, a person
can only handle so much.
*
You know, who knows
how long these people
are gonna last for?
I don't even know
how many people are left,
and they could be, you know,
catching fish left and right.
I don't know.
It's disheartening.
*
Giving up sucks.
*
There's no way
to sugar coat it.
Just giving up.
I never--I don't remember ever
giving up anything in my life.
It's a sucky-ass feeling.
I just don't want to
let my family down, man.
*
It just keeps coming back.
Keeps coming back
and nagging me, just, like,
"Well, you freaking loser."
It's just...
God.
[fire crackling]
I didn't come out here
for the money.
I came out here
to test myself.
But, on the other hand...
I could do so much
for my family, man.
[fire crackling]
Very disappointing.
My wife--
my wife's gonna be,
in her heart,
I know she's gonna be--
I know she's gonna be
disappointed in me.
God bless it.
I know she...
she's--I'm--
Oh.
She's gonna think about that
money and think,
"Gosh,
that would have been a
"really nice
deal for us, you know?
"We could have sold the house,
we could have gotten out
from underneath
this mortgage."
You know, and that's
what I'm thinking too.
She would never
say anything like that
to me to hurt my feelings
like that, but...
[sobs]
*
I just feel like I'm
letting her down so bad, man.
I had such high expectations
of coming out here
and winning this.
*
*
[sobbing]
Please, God, help me.
Please help me.
[cries]
*
Please, God.
Please, man.
Please, God.
*
Please.
Make it end soon, please.
Just make it end, God, I
don't have the energy for this.
I don't have the will for this.
I ain't got much fuel left
in my tank, baby.
I ain't got much fuel left.
I ain't got it.
I just ain't got it.
In my heart and in my mind.
[sniffling]
*
Please, God, help me.
Please help me, man.
*
Make it rain fish
or something, man.
*
Oh, God, help me.
[dramatic music]
*
- I was kind of hoping for
a spin with the kayak
to try to fish by hand.
But it--it's, uh,
today is very variable.
It--rain showers, sunshine,
rain showers, wind.
It doesn't look like
a kayak day very much at all.
Not a whole lot left in my
carefully-hoarded supplies,
so I'm basically stretching
what little food I had
from the last few days
and seeing what comes my way.
*
It all happens in accordance to
what the bush wants to give me.
And so far,
the bush has been, actually,
surprisingly generous.
Yeah, we'll see how much longer
I am being supported here,
how much longer I'm being
nourished and kept.
*
The gill net,
I have a pulley system there.
And, basically, when there's a
piece of wood that tangles,
the net and the pull line,
it won't go.
That's a problem.
[thunder rumbling]
Oh, this stick, I think,
came loose.
Boy, would that ever
be good news.
And it rhymes.
*
Uh-oh.
The whole net came out,
I think.
*
My whole gill net is out.
*
Oh, boy.
*
Oh, boy.
*
I've pulled up the whole
anchor system of the net
*
And I can't do anything
about it right now.
It's too deep to set it.
*
I need to come back again
and reset it.
[grunting]
Or make a decision about it.
*
The gill net is providing me
sometimes those gorgeous meals.
And it's gonna be really hard
to survive here without it.
*
I'm stretching the supplies
that I have right now
to the point of impossibility.
*
It's not looking
all that promising.
Unless I put
the gill net in.
The lower most tides
that let me wade in the water
and pound stakes in the ground,
it has to be really, really low,
and those are the moon tides.
And we just passed new moon.
So, basically,
I'm as far away
of the big moon tides
as I can be.
I just can't wait that long.
So I've been thinking of how
to set it up from the kayak.
Kayaking is becoming
more of a challenge.
Everything's been getting
colder and colder here
and wearing those
wet water shoes
in the kayak for an hour...
my feet come out,
it's clumps of ice.
I mean,
it's really rough.
*
I'm gonna try
to do that tomorrow.
If that works,
I'll have a gill net again.
If not, then, uh...
*
Looks like some rough times
may be ahead.
*
- [chuckles]
Weird dream--I dreamed
I was here at the cove
and there was a bunch of kids
here from the Quatsino tribe
that were teaching me
how to fish with spears.
*
And I just thought
that was the coolest thing.
And I wake up
and, you know, it's like,
"Okay, I'm all by myself
here now."
*
I'm feeling the lack of people,
definitely.
*
The thing that bothers me
about being alone out here
is that I'm doing an activity
which I have always
shared with other people.
I have always been involved
with other people
when I'm in the bush.
*
It's like, man,
I've got this great place,
this great camp,
and I'm the only one in it.
And what's the fun in that?
*
I'm beginning to understand
and learn how human contact
is a basic human need,
that we really do need this
social interaction.
We're social creatures,
and we're not
designed to live alone.
*
And universally,
we view people
that do live away from society
as an aberration.
The isolation of this is what
makes this experience
what it is.
The isolation, and the fact
that I am out here by myself
and do not have
anyone to talk to
and do not have anyone else
to depend upon.
Or to care for.
And I think that's a
significant motivation in life
that keeps us moving,
that keeps up going,
is to care
for somebody else.
*
I've never been away from my
kids for more than
a week or two.
And homesickness...
could really get you here.
*
The isolation
is getting to me.
It really does bother me now.
I don't like being alone
and cut off like this.
*
At this point, there's nothing
really good about it.
*
How long is long enough?
*
[dramatic music]
*
- Oh, what a beautiful day.
Thank you, Lord.
Oh, my gosh.
*
You can get into a rut
where you're kind of
feeling sorry for yourself
a little bit.
And this journey
has kind of opened my eyes
to just how lucky
and how fortunate I am.
*
I've worked hard
to be good at my job.
My wife has worked hard
to be good at her job.
Nothing was just
handed to us.
But we are extremely lucky
to be in the situation
that we are in.
I need to stop being such a
half empty kind of guy
and be more half full,
you know?
A glass half full kind of guy
and just be more positive.
*
Today, I made the decision
that I was gonna
burn all my firewood
and I was gonna just eat
the last of my limpets
and periwinkles.
*
I was ready to go home.
I thought God had given me
the perfect day
to finish out
my journey here.
*
I am mentally checked out.
*
I went to a really
bad place, man.
I really don't
want to go there again.
*
I can either lose this...
or I can gut it out and win it.
*
[sighs]
*
I freaking want to win.
I want to win this bad.
*
I need this win.
It would help my wife out,
it would help me out.
*
It would be a significant
life change.
*
I'll have to start
on the hunt for limpets
and periwinkles
and stuff again.
Maybe I'll start running lines
again, you know?
*
I'm gonna waste this entire
journey if I tap now.
It's all up to me, man.
*
You know,
how much can you handle?
How far can you go?
*
I thought I went
as far as I could.
Evidently, I got a little bit
left in me still.
Which sucks.
*
When you're right at that point
where you say,
"I did everything I can do,"
There's always a little bit
more you can give.
There's always
a little bit more.
You can dig always
a little bit deeper.
*
I'm digging deeper,
I'm trying to dig as deep
as I can possibly go.
*
I'd rather go out swinging.
*
*
I'm, uh...
putting some stuff here together
sort of quick.
*
I have to pull out
the whole gill net.
So I got the gill net now.
*
Which means that, uh,
I'm running out
of grub, basically.
*
The option of pulling the post
back in from the water
is not a good valid option
right now.
*
So I've been thinking of how to
set it up from the kayak.
*
I figured, how 'bout I go--
I sink a rock
with a line in a float.
Perfect.
So this guy,
I hope, goes out
to the shore
and this guy,
this rope here,
goes down to a stone.
It'll sink where the pole,
the stick, used to be.
*
Is it going to work?
*
I don't know.
But I have to try.
Yes, I do.
'Cause that's what
a man does.
Try.
*
I am really hoping
to go back into
food production very soon.
Because I'm not ready
to go home.
*
I'm here trying
to accomplish something...
*
For my family.
*
The honorable thing to do it is
to fight on and push on.
*
There's no better reason,
anyway, in the universe.
Do things for love
or for fear in the end.
I said I'm gonna carry on
for the love I have
for this woman...
and to try to
change her life.
If I win, I can
really change her life.
*
She's been supporting me and I
really want to support her.
*
Life has given me this one
chance to make a life-changing
event happen for my family.
*
But how many times do you get
into something like this
where you have a real shot...
at a prize like this, right?
*
[yelps]
[screams]
*
*
- How many more days?
How many more days of this?
- [shouts]
You ever have one of those days
where everything's going right?
- Bazinga!
I finally caught
the effing mouse!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Look at this fantastic fish.
Whoo-hoo!
- That prize money
would be huge.
I'm sick of being the dad
that always has to say no.
- $500,000 can help
my family out.
Makes things better for us.
- Believe me,
I'll keep fighting.
Every step of the way,
I'll keep fighting.
Whoo!
*
*
- I did it.
I'm leaving this place.
I need to get home to my kids.
I know they need me,
I just feel it in my gut.
I will always carry
this place in my heart.
- And this tide pool,
it's a deep one.
Got it!
Look at the claws
on you, buddy.
This is a pot-full
of Dungeness crab.
And I am happy.
- Yeah, there's definitely
a storm a-brew.
Every day is so long here now.
When you don't have calories
and you don't have
anything to do,
it sucks.
I really can't wait
to get out of here.
- I just miss my wife
something fierce.
It would be so easy to just
make the call
and be back
with Shauna tomorrow.
- Who are you when everything's
been stripped away?
[bleep].
- [yelping]
- It's scary out here
in these woods.
- I have not had
a serious meal in a week.
- If I can't get a fire,
then I can't stay here.
- It's always in the back
of your mind,
"Well, I could tap out."
- Putting up
with this filming [bleep]?
- Running into a predator,
it's not an if.
It's a when.
Get the hell out of here.
I see you.
Get out of here!
- I'm living
a hand-to-mouth existence.
Yes!
Ah!
- $500,000
is a lot of money.
- It's just gonna keep
getting harder.
- It's not the world
that needs to change.
It's me
that needs to change.
- [moans]
*
*
- Isn't that pretty?
I am so proud of this shank.
I found this on the beach.
I mean, I can just grab this
in my pocket
and use it
and it if impacts
a rock on the far side
of a fish, so be it.
It's a nail.
I can sharpen this again.
I'm shanking all kinds of stuff.
You don't want to
mess with me anymore.
I'm like a...
I don't know, I'm just kind of
going wild here.
How to hunt a limpet: you look
and look and look in the rocks.
I'm gonna use my
pink-handled prison shank.
So I just get him
underneath the corner
and now he's history,
he's fish bait.
*
* Shank the limpet
* Shank the limpet
Is he going mad?
I believe he is.
*
The thing which has gotten me
most, almost everything
I've eaten so far,
has been a hook and a line.
And, yes, it's an active means
and I have to do that
while I'm not doing
other things,
but all the other things
are done.
I'm not hurting for wood,
I have plenty of water,
my shelter is perfect.
*
There's lots of days
I've been fishing
which I didn't catch anything.
*
But I'm getting better at it.
*
Getting better at
finding where they are.
I need to get over there,
but the tide is still
in too far for me to get over.
I'm getting more patient.
*
Yes!
*
Yes!
*
Yes, the biggest rock bass
I have ever caught
in my entire life!
[growls]
Dinner!
Ow!
*
Can you tell I'm
a happy man today?
Can you tell...
that today has been
a good day already?
I saw it happen too.
I dropped the limpet in,
I see this fish move up,
[kissing sound]
She just hit it.
I see--there's
a white limpet,
you know, the white limpets are
white down there,
and it's all dark, and I see
this fish shape moving up,
all a sudden that limpet just
goes--right in.
I gave her a tap,
and oh my goodness,
she's on the hook
and she is on the stringer!
*
It does not
get better than this.
*
This is the grace of God,
all right?
All my life,
I've sucked at fishing.
And I come out here,
I'm like,
"All right, Lord, you know
I need some fish tonight,
because I'm really
super hungry."
*
And he's, like,
"Yeah, I love you, man.
"Here you go.
Eat a giant fish
tonight for dinner."
*
Yes!
"In fact, here's
another giant fish."
*
And I really, truly,
and honestly believe
that if God took his hand
off of me,
I would fail immediately.
*
Just one misplaced step.
That what--all it would take
to take me out of here.
*
I got to clean some fish,
make some soup.
*
There.
I've got more meat in this pot
than at anytime
during my entire stay
at Desolation Cove.
I'd be great to actually share
this experience with somebody.
*
And that's the thing that's
killing me about it.
*
The finer things in life are
only fine if you share them.
*
What good is it to go
to a fine restaurant
and have this
perfect meal alone?
Wouldn't you rather
take a friend?
*
*
- I love this sound.
The sound of the rain
hitting the tarp.
It's a comforting sound to me.
*
It's a way better sound
than the ocean.
I'm--I'm sick
of the ocean sound.
[waves crashing]
The ocean, to me,
is like that one dude
that's like,
"Hah hah hah hah hah!
"Look at me! I'm over here!
"I'm here! Look at me!
I'm here!"
You know,
and you're like,
"All right, dude,
I understand."
"Yeah, but what about my story?
My story.
"I've got a bigger
and better story than yours.
My story."
Okay, dude, you know, we--
I see that you're there.
I understand that
your presence is there.
"No, no, no,
I'm over here!
Here, I'm here."
To me, that's the ocean.
The ocean is always
pow, pow, pow.
[waves crashing]
*
Anyway,
I check my Paiute here.
*
Nothing.
The mice are being
a pain again.
They know about my trap now.
Huh.
I think they've learned,
I don't think they're
coming back anymore.
*
I'm really hungry.
Really hungry.
I've been checking my lines,
nothing's been on them.
I'm starting to get worried.
*
You think it's easy
fishing out there?
I've tried.
You think I haven't
gone out there
every effing night
and fished?
They're not biting
out there right now.
[bleep] criminy.
For some [bleep] reason,
they're not biting.
And I'm running out of bait
that I could be eating.
My gill net has been worthless.
I've caught, like,
two fish the entire time
I've been here
on that gill net.
Oh, this darn gill net.
*
What a pain in the hooskie
this thing has been to me.
*
My son told me not to
pack one of these.
And I said,
"Well, everybody swears by 'em."
And he hemmed and hawed,
and I'm like,
"Nah, he doesn't know
what he's talking about.
I should've listened to him.
I'm done with my gill net.
*
The resources are--
are really thinning out now.
I've really depleted
a lot of, basically,
everything in my area.
If I'm eating 20
periwinkles a day,
almost 20 a day,
it shows,
because they're
not out there.
*
There is so little stuff left.
And now I've come
to the point where
I don't really have
the bait to spare.
*
I can't afford to
bait my hooks every single day
and maybe have
the chance of a fish.
I have to utilize
that resource.
I have to eat those
periwinkles.
I'm done fishing.
That's it.
The periwinkles are actually
guaranteed food,
whereas I'm fishing
and trying to gamble for food.
It's just not worth it.
*
Damn, some of these
are small, man.
[sighs]
Small, small, small.
Far as I'm concerned, man,
I've done everything I can do.
It's sheer hopelessness.
*
Sheer hopelessness.
*
There's no hope of getting
anymore food than what I have.
*
There's no hope.
*
[dramatic music]
*
- Sea otter.
Right in front of my nose.
*
He's finding food all right.
*
I don't think
he has any trouble
feeding himself here at all.
*
And he seems to be having fun
in the process, to boot.
*
Watching a sea otter here.
Pretty amazing critter.
Amazing landscape.
*
This place, uh, not being...
hungry and cold
and wet and all that,
like being, uh,
here having a house, a lodge.
A life of some sort.
A wife.
Would be a marvelous
place to visit.
When all of this is over,
maybe we'll come
and spend some time here,
but, uh, with full bellies.
*
I think I've done
pretty well so far.
I pushed my body a bit much.
I'm very skinny
and I feel quite slow and weak.
I couldn't win a fight
against a rabbit right now.
*
Checking the net.
If we're lucky,
there's something in there.
*
Holy Moses, look at that!
I think there's
a fish in there.
*
*
These guys are incredibly tough,
these fish.
There must've been
a big predator,
but now, today the day
of the hunter came for you.
As it will come
for all of us someday.
*
Now, at my current state
of depletion,
one day without grub is all
I'm willing to take.
And then the experiment
is over.
*
This is the worse shape
I have been in...ever
in my whole entire life,
right now.
*
The reason I'm
hanging on is Shauna.
*
I want to give my wife
a better life than she has.
*
It's all it is right now.
*
I'm from Spain originally.
Even though my wife
is from Canada,
we live in the Yukon territory.
*
I'm not allowed
to work in Canada yet.
She's been supporting me
for a while.
This is my once chance
to support her,
and that's why I'm here.
[spits]
*
This is my one chance in life
I have to really,
really do something
great for my wife.
*
[hums]
*
*
- Every night,
I dream about food.
*
You toss and turn,
you crave, you crave.
You wake up
from a craving dream.
You just got this thing
in the back of your head
that says, "You know, you can
tap, man, you can tap.
"You can be in town
eating a hamburger.
Think about all the restaurants
you're gonna go to."
In the mornings,
when I'm just laying there,
trying to get back to sleep,
it's like a full-blown
raging machine in my head.
*
I'm in a funk right now.
Every morning, I just wake up
and I'm just ready to tap.
Um, and then I
get some food in me,
it gets dark,
and then I'm like,
"Well, that wasn't
such a bad day."
And then every morning,
it starts over again.
*
It's getting worse,
day, by day, by day.
I'm starving Marvin, man.
*
Like, I've never felt
this type of hunger, ever.
*
Every day,
you lay your head down,
and all you can
think about is food.
When you wake up
in the morning,
they're true hunger pains.
My stomach hurts
most of the time.
It's gurgling most of the time,
it's complaining most of the
time that it needs food.
*
How much psychological torment
can you actually take?
This is torment.
*
It's more than
just the cravings.
It's emotional despair,
it's emotional...
trauma.
It's truly trauma.
I'm feeling trauma right now.
*
Yep, it's pretty close
to tap day, boys.
Pretty close to tap day!
It's close!
It's close!
*
I'm gonna be gone!
You've taken
the last bit of my soul.
This is all I can handle!
Do you hear me?
This is all I can do!
I can't do no more!
*
- It's going to be
a beautiful day today.
*
So I'm gonna decorate
this tree with wet socks.
*
No way it's gonna rain,
there's no way.
You know, I say that, knowing
this is Vancouver Island.
And it very well
could rain today.
It could pour down rain.
*
So I'm gonna try
and fish from here.
This is very slippery
seaweed on here, though.
*
This is a place to be careful.
*
This area is just deep.
And I got a nice ledge
right in here.
I'm gonna try and fish.
Maybe there's something
hanging out in there.
*
Oh, something grabbed it.
In the beginning, there was
lots of days like today,
which I didn't eat anything.
There was lots of opportunity
in fish and things going on
out there, I just didn't know
what to do with it.
I didn't know how to get it.
Yes!
*
and now that I do, I'm
consistently hitting on fish.
That's how survival goes.
*
Ugh.
Cut off the hook.
Whoa.
That was close.
That was close.
*
Physically, I can hold my own
for a long time
doing this, I think.
I really can.
*
I know that, emotionally,
this is getting more difficult.
Definitely.
*
There's that hierarchy
of human needs.
If you don't have air, you're
not gonna think about water.
If you don't have water, you're
not gonna think about food.
If I have food,
then I start doing things
like missing my kids.
Start thinking about
the fact that I'm alone.
*
On the one hand,
I'm still happy to be here,
on the other hand,
thoughts of home
are really starting
to get to me.
*
As this becomes more
and more normal to me,
what I'm missing becomes
more and more real.
*
I am lonely.
*
I need a hug.
*
That's what I need right now,
at this moment,
and I can't have that.
I need to talk to my kids
and I can't do that.
*
This is not easy
and I just kind of
push that down.
[sniffles]
*
[wind whistling]
*
*
- You live on
a razor edge out here
as to whether you're gonna
succeed or fail.
And I'm not talking
life or death,
I'm talking having to tap
and go home.
*
It's definitely 1,000 cuts.
It's lack of calories.
You know, the rain.
The rough weather
with the rough tides.
You got the drift coming in
and wrecking your gill net
or wrecking your lines.
The fish not biting.
The mouse chewing through
your pack.
And right now,
it's the freaking hunger.
These are all things that nag
and you and nag at you
and jab and jab and jab.
Until, finally, you just ain't
got nothing left.
I'm at that point now where
I ain't got nothing left.
*
I got to be honest with ya,
I've pretty much--
my will has been broken.
*
I've had enough of this crap.
I'm over it.
It seems stupid
to think that way
when there's that large
of a sum of money involved,
but, you know, a person
can only handle so much.
*
You know, who knows
how long these people
are gonna last for?
I don't even know
how many people are left,
and they could be, you know,
catching fish left and right.
I don't know.
It's disheartening.
*
Giving up sucks.
*
There's no way
to sugar coat it.
Just giving up.
I never--I don't remember ever
giving up anything in my life.
It's a sucky-ass feeling.
I just don't want to
let my family down, man.
*
It just keeps coming back.
Keeps coming back
and nagging me, just, like,
"Well, you freaking loser."
It's just...
God.
[fire crackling]
I didn't come out here
for the money.
I came out here
to test myself.
But, on the other hand...
I could do so much
for my family, man.
[fire crackling]
Very disappointing.
My wife--
my wife's gonna be,
in her heart,
I know she's gonna be--
I know she's gonna be
disappointed in me.
God bless it.
I know she...
she's--I'm--
Oh.
She's gonna think about that
money and think,
"Gosh,
that would have been a
"really nice
deal for us, you know?
"We could have sold the house,
we could have gotten out
from underneath
this mortgage."
You know, and that's
what I'm thinking too.
She would never
say anything like that
to me to hurt my feelings
like that, but...
[sobs]
*
I just feel like I'm
letting her down so bad, man.
I had such high expectations
of coming out here
and winning this.
*
*
[sobbing]
Please, God, help me.
Please help me.
[cries]
*
Please, God.
Please, man.
Please, God.
*
Please.
Make it end soon, please.
Just make it end, God, I
don't have the energy for this.
I don't have the will for this.
I ain't got much fuel left
in my tank, baby.
I ain't got much fuel left.
I ain't got it.
I just ain't got it.
In my heart and in my mind.
[sniffling]
*
Please, God, help me.
Please help me, man.
*
Make it rain fish
or something, man.
*
Oh, God, help me.
[dramatic music]
*
- I was kind of hoping for
a spin with the kayak
to try to fish by hand.
But it--it's, uh,
today is very variable.
It--rain showers, sunshine,
rain showers, wind.
It doesn't look like
a kayak day very much at all.
Not a whole lot left in my
carefully-hoarded supplies,
so I'm basically stretching
what little food I had
from the last few days
and seeing what comes my way.
*
It all happens in accordance to
what the bush wants to give me.
And so far,
the bush has been, actually,
surprisingly generous.
Yeah, we'll see how much longer
I am being supported here,
how much longer I'm being
nourished and kept.
*
The gill net,
I have a pulley system there.
And, basically, when there's a
piece of wood that tangles,
the net and the pull line,
it won't go.
That's a problem.
[thunder rumbling]
Oh, this stick, I think,
came loose.
Boy, would that ever
be good news.
And it rhymes.
*
Uh-oh.
The whole net came out,
I think.
*
My whole gill net is out.
*
Oh, boy.
*
Oh, boy.
*
I've pulled up the whole
anchor system of the net
*
And I can't do anything
about it right now.
It's too deep to set it.
*
I need to come back again
and reset it.
[grunting]
Or make a decision about it.
*
The gill net is providing me
sometimes those gorgeous meals.
And it's gonna be really hard
to survive here without it.
*
I'm stretching the supplies
that I have right now
to the point of impossibility.
*
It's not looking
all that promising.
Unless I put
the gill net in.
The lower most tides
that let me wade in the water
and pound stakes in the ground,
it has to be really, really low,
and those are the moon tides.
And we just passed new moon.
So, basically,
I'm as far away
of the big moon tides
as I can be.
I just can't wait that long.
So I've been thinking of how
to set it up from the kayak.
Kayaking is becoming
more of a challenge.
Everything's been getting
colder and colder here
and wearing those
wet water shoes
in the kayak for an hour...
my feet come out,
it's clumps of ice.
I mean,
it's really rough.
*
I'm gonna try
to do that tomorrow.
If that works,
I'll have a gill net again.
If not, then, uh...
*
Looks like some rough times
may be ahead.
*
- [chuckles]
Weird dream--I dreamed
I was here at the cove
and there was a bunch of kids
here from the Quatsino tribe
that were teaching me
how to fish with spears.
*
And I just thought
that was the coolest thing.
And I wake up
and, you know, it's like,
"Okay, I'm all by myself
here now."
*
I'm feeling the lack of people,
definitely.
*
The thing that bothers me
about being alone out here
is that I'm doing an activity
which I have always
shared with other people.
I have always been involved
with other people
when I'm in the bush.
*
It's like, man,
I've got this great place,
this great camp,
and I'm the only one in it.
And what's the fun in that?
*
I'm beginning to understand
and learn how human contact
is a basic human need,
that we really do need this
social interaction.
We're social creatures,
and we're not
designed to live alone.
*
And universally,
we view people
that do live away from society
as an aberration.
The isolation of this is what
makes this experience
what it is.
The isolation, and the fact
that I am out here by myself
and do not have
anyone to talk to
and do not have anyone else
to depend upon.
Or to care for.
And I think that's a
significant motivation in life
that keeps us moving,
that keeps up going,
is to care
for somebody else.
*
I've never been away from my
kids for more than
a week or two.
And homesickness...
could really get you here.
*
The isolation
is getting to me.
It really does bother me now.
I don't like being alone
and cut off like this.
*
At this point, there's nothing
really good about it.
*
How long is long enough?
*
[dramatic music]
*
- Oh, what a beautiful day.
Thank you, Lord.
Oh, my gosh.
*
You can get into a rut
where you're kind of
feeling sorry for yourself
a little bit.
And this journey
has kind of opened my eyes
to just how lucky
and how fortunate I am.
*
I've worked hard
to be good at my job.
My wife has worked hard
to be good at her job.
Nothing was just
handed to us.
But we are extremely lucky
to be in the situation
that we are in.
I need to stop being such a
half empty kind of guy
and be more half full,
you know?
A glass half full kind of guy
and just be more positive.
*
Today, I made the decision
that I was gonna
burn all my firewood
and I was gonna just eat
the last of my limpets
and periwinkles.
*
I was ready to go home.
I thought God had given me
the perfect day
to finish out
my journey here.
*
I am mentally checked out.
*
I went to a really
bad place, man.
I really don't
want to go there again.
*
I can either lose this...
or I can gut it out and win it.
*
[sighs]
*
I freaking want to win.
I want to win this bad.
*
I need this win.
It would help my wife out,
it would help me out.
*
It would be a significant
life change.
*
I'll have to start
on the hunt for limpets
and periwinkles
and stuff again.
Maybe I'll start running lines
again, you know?
*
I'm gonna waste this entire
journey if I tap now.
It's all up to me, man.
*
You know,
how much can you handle?
How far can you go?
*
I thought I went
as far as I could.
Evidently, I got a little bit
left in me still.
Which sucks.
*
When you're right at that point
where you say,
"I did everything I can do,"
There's always a little bit
more you can give.
There's always
a little bit more.
You can dig always
a little bit deeper.
*
I'm digging deeper,
I'm trying to dig as deep
as I can possibly go.
*
I'd rather go out swinging.
*
*
I'm, uh...
putting some stuff here together
sort of quick.
*
I have to pull out
the whole gill net.
So I got the gill net now.
*
Which means that, uh,
I'm running out
of grub, basically.
*
The option of pulling the post
back in from the water
is not a good valid option
right now.
*
So I've been thinking of how to
set it up from the kayak.
*
I figured, how 'bout I go--
I sink a rock
with a line in a float.
Perfect.
So this guy,
I hope, goes out
to the shore
and this guy,
this rope here,
goes down to a stone.
It'll sink where the pole,
the stick, used to be.
*
Is it going to work?
*
I don't know.
But I have to try.
Yes, I do.
'Cause that's what
a man does.
Try.
*
I am really hoping
to go back into
food production very soon.
Because I'm not ready
to go home.
*
I'm here trying
to accomplish something...
*
For my family.
*
The honorable thing to do it is
to fight on and push on.
*
There's no better reason,
anyway, in the universe.
Do things for love
or for fear in the end.
I said I'm gonna carry on
for the love I have
for this woman...
and to try to
change her life.
If I win, I can
really change her life.
*
She's been supporting me and I
really want to support her.
*
Life has given me this one
chance to make a life-changing
event happen for my family.
*
But how many times do you get
into something like this
where you have a real shot...
at a prize like this, right?
*
[yelps]
[screams]
*
*
- How many more days?
How many more days of this?
- [shouts]
You ever have one of those days
where everything's going right?
- Bazinga!
I finally caught
the effing mouse!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Look at this fantastic fish.
Whoo-hoo!
- That prize money
would be huge.
I'm sick of being the dad
that always has to say no.
- $500,000 can help
my family out.
Makes things better for us.
- Believe me,
I'll keep fighting.
Every step of the way,
I'll keep fighting.
Whoo!
*