Alone (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 11 - Winter's Fury - full transcript

- Oh. Oh.

Hypothermia is
a very real threat.

If I can't get warm, I'll tap.

- I missed the salmon run
altogether,

but if I'm lucky,
maybe I can fish offshore.

Finally things
are happening for me.

- I'm trying not
to think about tapping,

and I'm thinking
about tapping all the time.

There damn sure
ain't a lot left,

I can tell you that right now.
[sniffles]

- Very empty net,
nothing caught in it.



I'm gonna go check out
where the bears live,

see if I can steal some food.

I got a weird feeling
there's a cougar over here.

All right, yeah,
I've gone far enough.

- Who are you when everything's
been stripped away?

- [bleep].

- [yelping]

- It's scary out here
in these woods.

- I have not had
a serious meal in a week.

- If I can't get a fire,
then I can't stay here.

- It's always in the back
of your mind--

"Well, I could tap out."

- Putting up
with this filming bull[bleep]?

- Running into a predator's
not an "if."



It's a "when."

Get the hell out of here.

I see you.
Get out of here!

- I'm living
a hand-to-mouth existence.

- Yes! Ah!

- $500,000 is a lot of money.

- It's just gonna keep
getting harder.

- It's not the world
that needs to change.

It's me
that needs to change.

- [moans]

[dramatic music]

*

- The sun is actually
out today.

In between clouds,
coming and going, but...

Oh, boy, that's good.

The night was cold here--
actually, quite cold.

The thing is,
with the humidity here,

the chill factor
is much colder

than a thermometer
would tell you, I believe.

Anyway, mostly interested

in finding some grub...

some food to carry on a bit

and see what the day brings.

*

It is really quite cold
for kayaking.

The temperatures here
are definitely

making it quite uncomfortable
to spend an hour

inside of a kayak
with wet feet,

but right now I'm starving.

I have to find
those fish offshore.

*

See how it unravels?

*

This part
is supposed to be easy.

Now, this here
will unravel by itself.

The whole thing
unravels very fast,

which means it's really
honking deep here.

I'm gonna set a smaller one now
closer to shore.

*

Huh, interesting.

I see some sort of,

like, a blue container
that the high tide brought here.

That could be a major treasure.

Let me see
if I can focus on that.

It's hard to focus,

but there is
a blue barrel of sorts.

This is all fogged up.

That could be a major score
right there.

I'm already starting to think
what uses it could have.

It's too cold
being out on the water,

so what I'll do now
is ditch my kayak,

and then I'll go
check that barrel.

*

[rodent squeaking]

- Oh, my goodness.

The m--

The weasels just ran
right behind my back.

As in "reach down
and touch a weasel"

right behind my back.

Both of them.

They could care less
that I'm here anymore.

They might be minks.

I keep calling them
weasels, ferrets.

I have no idea what they are.

It's either a marten, a mink,
a ferret, or a weasel.

I think weasels are smaller.

These are quite large.
They're, like, that big.

And now they're in there
fighting with each other.

They do that all the time.
They squabble.

But you can tell
they love each other,

'cause they're always out there
every day, doing their thing,

and they would never think
of doing it alone.

*

Oh, that sun goes away,
it gets cold here quick.

*

I've got to expand
my hunting territory

or my fishing grounds or
whatever you want to call it.

Until now,
at extreme low tide,

I was always headed out
to the reef,

and that was
my primary fishing area,

and now I've decided,

"Okay, let me check out
this side of the cove

and see if I can expand
my fishing opportunities."

This is looking
promising, folks.

This is like finding
the Northwest Passage for me

in terms of opening up
new territory to fish.

For fishing bait out here,

there is nothing
better than limpets,

and there's some
really big ones out here.

To have that whole west side
of the cove open up like that,

it feels like I just
got a raise.

You're struggling along
in life,

and things are really tight
and really tight,

and then all of a sudden,
you get a big raise,

or you get a big bonus,

and, like, life kind of
eases up a little bit.

"Oh, wow, we can go
grocery shopping.

I can fill up the tank
all the way."

Life just got easier.

Whoa, rainbow!

Check that out.

Oh, wow, get the camera on that.

Can we get it?
Yeah, cool.

Beautiful rainbow.

I think I'm gonna move on.

I do have to take a look

and explore further
along this coast.

This tide pool is a deep one.

It's, like, you know,
probably four feet deep.

Oh, baby, I get to do
some crabbing tonight--cool.

Oh, man, when
they're in the rocks like this,

there isn't a whole lot
for them to grab on to.

Come on, buddy.

You know you want the limpet.

*

Got it.

Oh, he's a biggun.

Yes.

I see a big one right here.

See, he's
in defensive mode now.

*

Look at the claws
on you, buddy.

Come on, eat the limpet.

*

Got it.

Oh, you're even bigger
than the other one.

Yes!

*

This is like crabbing heaven.

This pond is the best thing
I've found

since I've been here,

and that's, long-term,
what I need to keep me fed.

This is a pot full
of Dungeness crab.

And I am happy.

*

- * Got to get through
the dog days *

* The dog days
that don't mean anything *

* All I'm doing is suffering

* Why are you suffering?

* I'm trying to make
life changes *

* Why can't you just change
without the suffering? *

* I don't know

* Sometimes the good in life

* Is right in front
of your eyes *

* But it takes a little
suffering to see it *

Oh, my goodness.

I wonder what my wife's
doing today.

*

The longer I'm out here for,

the more I realize
how lucky I am

to have a wife like I do.

Sometimes I kind of start

to take for granted
the situation.

I try to not let that happen,

but sometimes it does happen.

*

I really am gonna try and do
more fun things with my wife.

It's gotten into a rut
where, like,

every time I come home
on Friday or Saturday night,

it's like, "I'm talking
to people on the computer.

I want to be left alone."

And that's no fun for her.

*

I love you, Rachael.

*

I grew up with my wife,
basically.

I mean, we were 17.

It was always us
against the world,

you know, to sacrifice
for the kids.

[voice breaking] My son told me
once that I was his hero--

he was older too,
he was, like, 21 or 22--

For going to work every day

and supporting him
and the rest of the family...

Even though he knew
how much I didn't like it.

*

It's an awesome thing
to be called a hero

from your kid.

It's an awesome thing.

*

I need to stop dwelling on,

"Well, I wish
I would've changed that,"

or, "I wish that this would've
happened," or whatever,

and start realizing that
I did a pretty damn good job,

and my kids love me for it,

and they turned out good,
and move on.

Now there's a new aspect
to my life,

and that means paying
more attention to my wife

and stop being so damn sad

about having to go
to work all the time.

That's just part of life.

Look forward
to the little things in life.

*

- Well, this is the big find--

a barrel with a net around it.

And it sure looks

like it's been out on the water
for a long time.

I stand it up
to help the draining.

[straining]

[breathing heavily]

Oh, man,
look at all these mussels.

*

These are deep-sea mussels.

I wonder if they would have
the red tide thing.

*

Just in case,
I'm gonna collect them.

Could be a plate of food
right here.

I'm thinking this barrel
must have come--

It's been in the water
for a long time.

Must have come
from a long ways out at sea.

My guess is that it would be--

these guys
would be less exposed to...

the red tide thing.

Anyway, that's just
a hungry man's theory.

Oh, there's another bunch
of mussels here.

Okay.

These guys have to come
to the refuge with me,

just in case.

The mussels,
I'm pretty sure, are safe,

and if they're not,

well, they may make me
sick like a dog.

I don't know.

This is a tremendous risk,

but that's the bush for you.

Anyway,
back to the shelter we go

and tossing what we have
in the pot.

*

This is a very
difficult decision.

*

But when you go hungry so long,

it puts a warm plate of food

in a completely different
perspective.

I'm confident
it should be all right.

I think it should be all right.

So here we go.
I need the food.

Like I said before,
life is risk.

Nobody survives it.

So bon appétit.

[slurping]

*

[dramatic music]

*

- Last night I did get

a whole pot full of mussels

out of the outside
of that barrel,

and I just ate them.

*

I didn't get
any tingly feeling

on the tongue
or anything like that.

Like, they say that's
a bad sign and all that.

So I'm confident
that they were healthy

and free of any red tide
contamination.

Absolutely delicious.

Oh, boy, that reminded me
of Spain.

A pot full of mussels--
mmm.

That really reminded me
of my country.

*

Anyway, that's the news
from over here.

Happy and healthy,
have a full belly.

Let's see what the day brings.

*

So, yeah, I guess winter
is here.

[laughs]

It feels like it.
It's cold.

*

It's really cold.

I keep going out
and doing little errands,

like getting some debris,
coming back and warming my
hands

by the fire,
going to get some firewood

and coming back and warming
my hands by the fire.

I keep doing that over and over
because it's really cold.

*

Today is my youngest son's
eighth birthday.

Last night, eight years ago...

we were home,
and my water broke,

and we were going down
and asking Beau

to babysit Colton
for the night

'cause Dad and I were going
to the hospital...

[laughs]

To have Quinn, and it was...

Yeah, out he came early
this morning.

So...

I'm missing his birthday.

*

I've never missed any
of my kids' birthdays, ever.

I hope you have a wonderful,
wonderful birthday,

and I'm sorry I missed it,

and I'm thinking about you.

I think about you and your
brother every day out here--

every day.

*

Wow. It's the first time
I'm getting emotional.

I miss my kids, you know?

Mm.

Who wouldn't?
[laughs]

I've been gone a long time.

The salmon run's dried up.

So I'm not getting fish,
really, much anymore.

That's getting to be
definitely an issue

and something I need to focus
on is getting enough calories.

But now time to go
get some plantain and yarrow,

and then it's gonna be time
to come back

and warm my hands by the fire.

All right.

[sniffs]
There's yarrow.

[sniffs]
See all the stalks sticking up.

Ooh, it's cold.

See lots of yarrow.

Plantain, where art thou?

*

It's all kind of yellow.

Yeah, this plantain--
I don't know if it's the cold,

but it's not looking very good.

Yeah, it's looking
way past edibility here.

This looks frostbitten.

A lot of dead plantain here.

I don't know if I'm gonna
be able to harvest any.

Oh, yeah, that's all dead too.

Oh, bummer.

I see it, but it's all dead.

Dead, dead, dead.

It got cold.

Now I don't have those
green food sources anymore.

So it's not looking very good.

I'm craving all sorts of food,

but there's nothing left.

*

- Today's kind of a bust.

It's cold.
It's rainy.

It's windy.
The high tide is already in.

To hit the low tide,
I had to get up way early,

and it was raining,
pounding rain,

so I didn't do it.

So there you have it.

My camera's totally fogged over,
I can see.

And...

kind of a crappy day
to be here in Desolation Cove.

It puts the "desolation"

in "Desolation Cove,"
definitely.

The tide and the weather
control everything that I do

in terms
of getting myself fed

or even preparing things
for my camp.

On a day where I'm locked in,
I'm kind of stuck in here,

just kind of biding my time
and waiting it out.

My hands are numb.

Sometimes it feels
like I'm just

kind of putting up
with it all out here,

and I don't like
feeling that way.

I'm really looking forward
to this tide cycle

to catch up to low tide
in the morning

and...

praying for decent weather
to take advantage of it.

I got to get
this thing zipped up.

We haven't had cold
like this in the daytime

since I've been here.

This is the coldest it's been.

Zipper's stuck.

Yes.

[zipper grinding]

There.

You see, this isn't like home
where you can come in

and get warm and do something.

Here, getting warm
is the activity.

It is the thing
that I'm doing right now.

I'm getting warm,

and this is the only way
I got to do it.

And I'm gonna stay here
until tomorrow morning.

[wind whistling]

*

- Yeah, there's definitely
a storm a-brew or something.

I mean, there's definitely
some gusts, so...

Anyway, I'm gonna go hydrate

and then just hang out
in my shelter.

Every day is so long here now.

Every day takes, like,
48 hours to get done with.

The novelty stage
is way over with.

I really can't wait
to get out of here.

It's a beautiful area,

but when you
don't have calories

and you don't have anything
to do, it's just--it sucks.

A good book would do wonders
for this place.

Yeah, I'd say
there's a little bit

of freezing rain
going on out there.

It's almost like it's snowing.

It's snowing.

Whoo!

It'll be interesting to see
how folks's shelter held up.

It'd sure be a shame if
there were a few folks' shelter

that got wrecked
and they had to tap early.

It'd be a crying shame.

Not my shelter, though.

I don't wish any evil
or any bad on anybody.

But if their shelter collapsed
and they were okay...

*

I'm just saying.

*

Man, it's really going to town
with this freezing rain stuff.

*

[ice pattering]

- That's not snow.

That's not rain.
That's ice hitting.

[pattering continues]

*

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's ice pellets.

How it kind of cracks
against the--

[pattering increases]

Dang, that's a lot
of ice pellets.

The wind is
bone chillingly cold,

and, seriously, the only thing
left for me today

is to get warm
and stay that way.

This place is like
the ultimate fake-out

when it comes to weather.

Not even 5:00 in the evening,
and I'm down for the day.

Someday when I watch all this,
I will be smiling.

I will be surrounded
by my family.

I will be warm, clean...

Physically fit...

And eating ribs.

[pattering continues]

Yeah, it's weather like this
that makes people tap out.

[pattering continues,
wind whistling]

[dramatic music]

*

- I think today
I'm gonna forage for some food,

'cause I need
to get some protein.

It's not raining,

so I'm gonna put
my boots and my gaiters on

and go up this back hill
and see if I can get up there.

It was raining really hard
last night, like, all night.

I don't know
what today's gonna do.

It's hard to tell.

The weather here changes
so quickly.

I have no idea.

I'm going on a little hike
to look for mushrooms.

My green sources are dried up,

but mushrooms
should be still here.

Ooh, oh.
I'm gonna hurt myself.

I got to watch where I'm going.

Let's see...

Oh.

*

[sighs]

All right, come on,
mushrooms, where are you?

Are you under this big tree?

This may be
just a waste of calories.

I don't know.

[sighs]

I love the deer fern.
It's so pretty.

Lot of horsetail around--

that's all of this
that's around.

It's got the silica in it.

It's really good for cleaning

or getting your teeth clean,
the horsetail.

*

It works better powdered,
but still...

it's a good scouring brush.

*

Man, it's thick.
I can't get up that.

There's no way.
Darn.

And I think the best,
most likely scenario

is for me to go--

Oh, there's a huckleberry.

Oh, my God,
there's, like, this one--

Look at that.

You see it?

One lone huckleberry...

What I'm gonna do...

I'm gonna eat it.

*

There it is.

Oh, my God,
it's so sweet and delicious.

Mmm. That right there
was worth it.

[laughs]

Oh, it's so good.

Wow. It's weird
I only found one.

Usually I find tons, and I get
this whole big thing of them.

*

There's nothing here.

I don't want to waste
any more energy and calories.

So I think instead I'll slowly
meander back to camp.

*

This is bad.

I'm not getting fish anymore,

and my green sources
have really dried up.

Just one huckleberry?

Everything's gone.

I need to find food out here.

*

[geese honking]

- I think about my kids
all the time.

If I don't keep myself busy,
my mind wanders back to them.

It's been difficult.

I've got some projects
I need to work on today--

make some pitch glue,

'cause I'm out of that
completely.

There are things that I can do

to me my life better
out here,

and I have to concentrate
on doing those things every day

and not get bogged down

thinking about things
back home.

This is solid pitch.

This is like finding
the mother lode of gold.

Look at this.

This is an entire chunk
of spruce resin right here,

and there's more of it.

There's got to be close to
a pound of this stuff in here.

What a find.

What an amazing find, to have
a wet-weather fire resource

like that just fall
into your lap.

And I'm anticipating
a lot more rain

for the rest
of the time I'm here.

*

I'm gonna use this shell
to melt the pitch in the coals,

and then
with the shredded cedar,

I can throw that in there
and mix it all around

and make more firelighter.

I really, really,
really try not to dwell

on the negatives of being here.

That just tears you to pieces.

Yeah, it's cold,
and it's wet, and it's lonely.

Add in hungry...

I just have to suck it up

and deal
with what's going on today

and make tomorrow a better day.

Now today
I made tomorrow a better day

with this gigantic
abundance of pitch,

and tomorrow I'm gonna make
the next day a better day.

That's enough firelighter
for weeks.

*

[ice pattering]

- A lot of sleeping here, man.

It's just unpleasant out,
and there's nothing to do.

Wasting the day away.

[pattering continues]

*

Well, one good thing about today
is it looks like

my Paiute Deadfall
has been sprung.

Let's check out and see
if there's anything in it.

Oh, look at that--

little mousie, squished...

flat as a pancake, baby.

I got to clean this boy up.

Oh, yeah.

A mouse--back home,
I wouldn't have eaten it.

Here, it's like,
"Skin that sucker up.

I'll slurp that sucker
like a damn popsicle."

I'm just like,
"Give me that sucker. Rawr."

And believe me, I've been
looking at the slugs too.

It's just, I don't know--
some of them have,

like, brain-eating parasites
or some crap.

I don't need that.

I don't have much
of a brain anyway.

I don't need something
in there living with me.

Hell, I'd have more voices

than what I'd know
what to do with, then.

Little parasites talking
back and forth...

chowing on my brain.

*

This frickin' place
is getting old, man.

It's getting really old.

* How much longer
do I have to do this? *

[sniffs]

* How much longer do I have
to stay out here? *

Next time I do this,
I'm gonna request a sunny spot,

preferably with a lot of sand

and drinks
with umbrellas in them.

Screw this hardship stuff.

* I am done with this

* Done with this

[dramatic music]

*

[geese honking]

- Looked at my gill net,
and there's nothing in it.

*

The frost is here,

and my food sources
have really dried up.

All right, limpet time.

Hoo-hoo.

It's harder to live off
just limpets

than it is off of fish.

It's just less protein.
You have to gather a lot more.

I'm feeling the changes
in my body,

and I'm definitely
getting weaker with less food

and therefore
less energy expenditure

to try and make sure
I conserve those calories.

All right, that's done.

So I'm not feeling lonely,

but I definitely
am missing my family a lot.

I think the trigger
was Quinn's birthday.

Not like I haven't been
missing them the whole time,

but I'm really starting
to miss them more.

*

I'm still balancing
really wanting to be home

with my kids

and kind of fulfilling
what I wanted to do here.

You know, wanting to do this
so they'll be proud

and wanting
to do this for myself

and show that I can do this,
even with MS.

And I try to compartmentalize
and just be here, you know,

instead of thinking
of home all the time.

But it's getting harder
to do that.

It definitely is.

I am thinking about
when that time might ce,

when I feel
like I've accomplished

what I wanted to accomplish.

When it's that time,
the balance switches,

and I just really
need to go home.

*

[fire crackling]

*

I'm so torn.

*

- It's day 56,
if I'm not mistaken,

and a bit of
a special day today.

In season one, this would've
been the last day.

Alan was out.

So, if this was season one,
what that would mean

is that I would get
to see my love today.

She would come here, and...

and we could get
out of here together,

but this being season two,

I'm guessing
it'll still go on for a while.

Right now I'm going
to go out on the kayak

for a little bit.

*

56 days--

I wonder how much longer.

I don't mind being out here.

The cares of bush life
and all that,

making do by yourself--

I know how to handle
all that, but, uh...

I am somehow gaining
such a tremendous,

deep appreciation for my wife.

I just miss her
something fierce.

So many things
I want to say to her,

and I can't.

Can't call her,
can't talk to her.

There's scarcely a minute
that goes by

without thinking
how good I have it at home

and how blessed I am
with the partner I have,

which, of course,
makes it harder.

It would be so easy
to just make the call

and be back with Shauna
tomorrow.

There is
a real temptation here

to leave
just to be with my wife.

I came out here
to prove to the world

what skills I have
and what I can do and all that.

I'm satisfied
with what I've done

and what I've learned
out here.

Sure, the big prize
can help my family out--

makes things better for us
in the future,

makes things easier,
but I've, uh...

I have put it
into perspective.

I realize more and more
clearly every day...

I already won the big prize,

and the big prize
is my wife, Shauna.

And getting out of here

and going back to her arms

is a big enough prize
for me right now.

*

That button to go back home
is so tempting.

*

- I feel sad
leaving this place.

[rain pattering]

*

[sniffles, sighs]

[laughs]
Wow. I did it.

I'm leaving this place.
[sniffles]

*

- Hey.

- Wow. I'm so emotional
leaving here.

[laughs, sniffles]

Mixed.

I need to get home
to my kids, you know?

Been over two months
I've been away from them,

and I know they need me.

I just feel it in my gut,
you know,

but I love it here.

I feel like I could just stay.
[laughs]

I know, maybe most people leave,
and they're like, "Ahh."

But I'm happy here.

Living out in nature--
it's kind of my thing.

So it's been great.

Just so grateful for having
had this opportunity,

but, you know,
the pull of children...

You only get one chance
at raising your kids,

and I just feel them
tugging at me.

*

This has been my home
for two months.

I built a home here.
It feels like home.

The wildlife is used to me.

The birds don't alarm call
when I walk through

because they know that I'm part
of the ecosystem here.

I have this interaction
with these bears

where we'll all be out
foraging together

and we're all comfortable
with each other.

I'm not just out here.
I'm out here living with MS.

I happen to have MS,
but it doesn't have me.

I feel my healthiest
when I am out in nature.

This is the best possible place
that I could be.

I will always carry
this place in my heart.

And I'm just so grateful
for this experience.

*

But in the end,
I found out what my limit was,

and that was love--

love for my children,

They need their mom back.

*

- Getting close to tap day.
It's close!

- My whole gill net is out.
Oh, boy.

It's gonna be really hard
to survive without it.

- Oh, dinner!

The resources are really
thinning out now.

No hope in sight
for a good meal.

- The isolation
is getting to me.

I am lonely.
I need a hug.

Please help me!
[sobbing]