All Hail King Julien (2014–2017): Season 1, Episode 4 - Empty Is the Head - full transcript

[dance music playing]

♪ Party ♪

- ♪ Who's the king?
♪ - ♪ King Julien! ♪

- ♪ Who's the king?
♪ - ♪ King Julien! ♪

♪ Get down for the get down ♪

- ♪ Everybody party with King who?
♪ - ♪ King Julien! ♪

- ♪ King who? ♪ - ♪ King Julien! ♪

♪ Tonight will be forever ♪

♪ Let's do King Julien style ♪

♪ Y'all tell me who's the king ♪

♪ All hail King Julien! ♪



[Julien groans]

[moans]

Aah, so parched!

The royal tongue needs moisture.

Maurice! I need liquid.

[sniffs] And why do I
smell like your armpit?

Oh! [Shrieks]

Who are you? Why are
you in my chambers?

Oh, you're me. Hello.

Not cool to frighten the king.
[yells]

The royal eyeballs appear to have been
ridden hard and put away extra veiny.

Maybe a certain someone needs to
dial the nightlife down a smidge

- now that he's...
- [chanting] King Julien! King Julien!

- [shrieks]
- King Julien! King Julien!



Maurice, where are you?
Get in here now!

OK, OK, I've got your
water right here.

[gargling, gulps]

Aah! Forget the water!

Oh, it was delicious, by the way.
Very refreshing.

Why is there a kingdom of
peeping Toms out there?

- [crowd murmuring]
- [Maurice sighs]

You don't remember
last night, do you?

I have no time for remembering.
I am a king, remember?

[sighs] I was afraid of that.

You threw a party last night, Your Majesty.
A huge party.

[dance music playing]

Whoo-hoo! Let me
hear it, peoples!

- When I say "King," you say...
- [all] Julien!

- King!
- Julien!

- King!
- Julien!

I am the lemur king!
I can do anything!

[laughing]

[yells]

[crowd cheers]

[sighs] Where is
this going, Maurice,

besides into my scrapbook of awesome
memories I have no memory of?

If the party had stopped
there, we'd be fine.

Problem is, you kept going.
And going. And going.

Aah! I love you, my peoples!

Did you just fall, Dorothy,
or did the floor need a hug?

Hey, Masikura, let's get
slithered, my lizard!

And then you went too far.

- [dance music playing]
- [laughing]

[cheering]

You always had my back, Hector!

You... You believed in me, Ted.

Anything you want, Willie,
you just gotta ask me!

We're brothers, Mort.
[whispers] Brothers!

- I love you, man.
- [Mort sighs]

I decree King Julien
will solve all dilemmas,

disputes and disagreements.

- Just come on by.
- [cheering]

My throne is always open.

[echoing] open ...open ...open.

That's why they're here.

You promised to solve,
well, everything.

Not my fault,
I was born a giver!

Can't we just tell them I'm
not here so they'll go away?

They already saw you.

Then I'll just take it back.
I'm the king.

This is your first
big decree as king.

If you take it back, the kingdom
will never trust you ag...

It's a riot! Everyone
away from the windows!

This is not a drill!

[grunting]

[growls]

Why are you two just standing there?
At least act like you're panicking.

This isn't a riot, Clover.

[scoffs] Please, I think I
know a riot when I see...

Yeah, sorry.

Apparently, I opened
my mouth again,

trying to "help people"
and that was "wrong."

He promised to solve
everyone's problems.

What were you thinking?

That my people were hurting,
or at least complaining a lot.

And since I guess I can't hide,

I am going to honor my
decree and help them.

This could go south
in a heartbeat.

Look at them, with their hopes and
dreams and ideas of personal freedom.

Come on, Clover, it's just
a group of ordinary lemurs.

A group is just a mob
that hasn't turned yet.

- That's kinda paranoid, Clover.
- Good.

Paranoia is just common
sense that hasn't turned yet.

- [Maurice] OK, OK, I don't think that...
- Oop.

See that? Tail twitch.
That means danger.

You should get that checked.

I want to set up a security
checkpoint down on the ground.

Yes, Clover, listen
to your tail and do...

- that thing you just said.
- On it!

I am the first in line!
I must see the king!

- Mort, you do not have a problem.
- Oh, but I do.

I need a royal hug real bad.

Eh, Clover needs you to help
her sniff out the riffraff.

Doesn't that sound fun?

I will separate the riff from the raff...
for King Julien!

Does he know anything
about threat assessment?

Uh...

No.

[lemurs chattering]

[gulps]

OK, spread 'em.

[grunts]

[gasps]

- What's this?
- Offering for the king?

Nice try. Everyone knows
the king hates bananas.

- Yes, I, uh...
- Oop! That's what I thought.

- Mort, you're up!
- What do we got?

- Commence secret phase four.
- I'll put on the rubber glove.

Let's do this thing.

Bring on the Resolution Day
wisdom seekers, Maurice!

[clears throat] Your
Majesty, Abner and Becca.

All right, what do I have
no memory of promising you?

- It's our watering hole.
- It smells.

Can't drink it. Can't
even swim in it.

It's mucky.

What? I go to the
watering hole every day.

The water is clear like
crystal and cold and yummy.

Smell my breath. [Exhales]

It's minty. [Exhales]

[Maurice clears throat]

You have your own watering hole.

The royal watering hole.

And the place they're
talking about is...?

- [whispers] Crosstown.
- Oh.

The one with the brown water and the
random dead things floating in it?

[disgusted moan]

I know well this watering
hole of which you speak.

- You do?
- Can you fix it?

I, King Julien XIII,

do decree that this watering hole
shall be made fit for drinking,

swimming and other
water-related good times!

- Righteous!
- When?

Work will begin a
very special day.

I call it "someday."

Thank you big, Your Majesty!

This is so easy,
making promises!

You know you have
to keep them, right?

One thing at a time, Maurice.
Next!

Your Majesty, we have a super
bad gecko problem in my tree.

[male lemur 1] Yeah, and then he said,
"No, that's not a mango, that's..."

[male lemur 2] Is it too much
to ask for a little privacy?

I don't watch her.

All night long, talking
and talking and talking...

- [sighs]
- and talking...

How long have we been
at this, Maurice?

- Mm... Twenty minutes.
- [moans]

Other people's
problems are so boring!

- No offense, Ted.
- Oh, no, no, none taken.

I was about to doze off
mid-sentence there, myself.

Sorry to bother ya.

I guess I'll bring
in whoever's next.

Please don't. I cannot
do this, Maurice.

It's so hard to relate
to everybody's issues!

All I hear is, "Blah,
blah, King Julien,

blah, blah, Your Majesty,
blah, blah, blah, blah."

I can't relate to my subjects
because they are so far below me.

I need to lower myself
way down to their level.

You know, to see what it's like in
the streets with my own eyeballs.

I will start by going down
to that watering hole.

Uh, wait.

- [stammers] No, I still need you here.
- [chainsaw whirs]

[sawing]

Huh? Huh?

Check it out, Maurice:
Substitute king.

Made it myself. Can you
tell which one is me?

I'm the one talking! Right now!

I can... No! This is a bad idea!
[Groans]

- You did not just leave.
- [Julien] Yes, I did!

Oh, come on, no one's
gonna believe that's...

- [male lemur] King Julien?
- Oy.

[laughs]

[giggles maniacally]
Right this way.

[Julien grunts]

If I am going to escape
Mort and his glove,

I'm going to need an
ingenious disguise.

Ugh. Bananas. Nature's pasty mistake.
[grunts]

Wait, wait. Everyone
knows I hate bananas.

So if I carry this demon
fruit with me everywhere,

no one will ever
suspect it's me.

Empty your pockets!

I-I don't have pockets.

- I've heard that one before.
- Aah!

[Mort] Freeze!

Uh... [lower-pitched voice]
Uh, hello, Mor... Mister.

- King Julien?
- No, no! No.

You see, though I am clearly as
handsome as your beloved king...

I do belove him.

But, uh... I got no crown,
and check it out: Banana!

Oh! The king wears a
crown and hates bananas.

Yes. Uh, good luck
guarding King Banana Hater.

Gotta go!

[male lemur] Your Majesty?

Uh, are you gonna say anything?

Uh... Um...

What King Julien is suggesting
with his silence is...

That I need to talk
less and listen more?

Uh, sure. Uh, yeah!

[chuckles] That's
exactly what he's saying.

Gosh, I can't believe I
didn't think of that sooner.

Thank you, Your Highness.

- [curtain flutters]
- Hm.

This might actually work. Next!

[sniffs]

- [fly buzzing]
- Ugh.

Hey, a guy with a banana.

Come and sit a
spell if you like.

What's your name, banana guy?

My name? [Chuckles] Right. Uh...

Yeah! Banana Guy... uh, Mike.

Fair warning, Banana Guy Mike,

if you came by our watering
hole for a drink or a swim...

[disgusted groan]

King Julien promised to fix it.

Yeah, "someday."

But we've heard that
before from kings.

[softly] Snap.

The normal lemurs are onto my tricks.
It's even worse than I thought. Hm?

Forget about that
"someday" proclamation!

I say the time
for action is now!

Here's your problem!

You've got a clogger.

[grunts]

Uh, you really
shouldn't be up there!

Becca's right. You'd
better come back down.

Oh, right, yeah,
because the king

is gonna come along
"someday" and "fix" this.

[crocodile grunts]

No, because of the crocodile
that lives up there.

I'm gonna miss Banana Guy Mike.

[gasps]

[whimpers]

[whimpers]

[yells]

[whimpers, screams]

[splashes]

[whimpering]

Huh?

[yells]

That is way better than anything
King Julien coulda come up with.

Oh, yeah, totally.
That guy is the worst!

- Hey, who fixed the watering hole?
- Banana Guy Mike did!

Hey, everybody! Banana Guy
Mike fixed the watering hole!

[all gasping, chattering]

Yes, yes, go ahead, be impressed.
[chuckles]

Banana Guy Mike gets 'er done.

You eyeballing me?
Is he eyeballing me?

Lady asked you a question!

Don't want to talk? Fine!

This is about to get real.

- [neck cracking]
- I hope you're wearing underwear,

'cause you are
gonna make a poopy.

- What's with you two?
- Hey!

- I was just walking home.
- Oh. You, uh...

You weren't going to see King
Julien to have your problems solved?

Are you kidding me?
I love my problems!

Might as well tune him
up as long as he's here.

[grunts] No, please!
Please, that tickles!

That tickles too much!
[grunting continues]

Hm... Doo-dah-doo. Last
one on the list... Mort!

Interrogation. Party of one.

- [Mort] Hi.
- [gulps]

I will be your
invasive inquisitor.

[laughs maniacally]

OK, we've got a family feud that's been
going on for ten generations, and...

OK, that should be
enough to go on.

- Oh, I wasn't finished.
- What say you, King Julien XIII?

Is the king all right?

He looks a little...
well, not alive.

Shh! Shh!

- Ah. Yes. Ooh, that is wise.
- Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! What's he saying?

What would you say to
you if you were the king?

Oh. Uh, I'd probably tell me to let go
of the past and live in the present?

That sounds like the
kind of smart advice

we could all use, doesn't it?

All right, don't
forget to help yourself

to a complimentary
lychee on your way out.

[Maurice chuckles]

Whoo. We make a pretty
good team, dummy.

Pound it. Hit that rock.

Next!

- That's everybody.
- What do you mean?

There is no one left to search.

But I couldn't have met with
more than half the village.

Um, Maurice? What's going on?

King Julien said he'd be
back in a few minutes,

but he's King Julien, so...

You let the King leave
with no supervision?

It's been going pretty
great without him.

Nobody's noticed this
isn't King Julien?

[scoffs] Surely
everyone's not that dumb.

The feet seem different today.

This explains my tail twitch.

This is the trouble
I was sensing.

What trouble? I'm
really helping folks.

Everybody who's come in with
problems has left happy.

You mean "half of everybody."

Which has me wondering
where the other half are.

But that's not fair!

Why have you not told
the king about this?

We did. He promised he'd fix it...
someday.

[softly] Snap. These normal
people are so depressing.

I want to give them all a big hug...
but they're so dirty.

Banana Guy Mike has an idea.

I will speak to the powers that be.
They will listen to me.

Why will they listen to you?

Uh, because... uh...
It's not important!

What is important is, King
Dummy doesn't care about you!

[excited chatter]

I know, right? Pretty bad, huh?

That's what we're
up against, lemurs.

I say enough talk,
it's time for action!

[excited chatter]

Banana Guy Mike, everybody.
Our true leader!

We are the Lemur Alliance!

Oh, really? I like
Lemur Liberation Army.

We could be the Lemur
Alliance Liberation Army.

Or LALA for short,
'cause who has the time?

If we all go and tell King Dummy
Pants and Maurice we want action,

he can't say no to everybody!
Who's with me?

[crowd chanting] LALA!
LALA! LALA! LALA!

[grunts]

[chanting continues]

- [inhaling]
- [squeaks]

[yelling]

We've waited long enough.
I'm gonna find him.

[Mort sighs]

- [crowd chanting] LALA! LALA! LALA!
- What is that noise?

Judging by the
chant, I'm gonna say

politically motivated
and majorly hostile.

[crowd yelling]

Loyal LALAs, you know the plan.

If I'm not back
in five minutes...

[screaming]

[crashing]

[Julien] I'm OK! I'm
just badly injured!

[cheering]

OK. Let her rip!

This time at the plane,
because that hurt quite a bit!

All right, Banana Guy Mike, I've
done all the necessary calculations,

- and as long as we nail the timing...
- Huh?

[screams]

- [crashing]
- Mulligan?

[chanting] LALA! LALA!

OK! I've got a really good
feeling about this one.

[nervous chuckle]

Don't worry, Banana Guy Mike.
This time we got...

[shrieks]

[Abner] Man, I'm starting
to feel a little bad.

[Becca] Oh, don't be so
hard on yourself, baby.

This is not a drill, people.
We are in lockdown.

- Who is she talking to?
- Maybe she has an invisible friend?

Nobody panic!

I've trained for a variety of
lockdown-related scenarios.

[Julien screaming]

[slow-motion screaming]

[grunting]

Your reign of terror
is over, dummy!

[shrieks] LALA!

LALA! LALA!

[Julien grunting]

- [grunting continues]
- [crashing]

- What are you doing?
- Uh, raging against the machine?

King Julien, we got trouble.
Big time trouble.

Oh, yeah, it's probably the bloodthirsty
angry mob coming to overthrow the king.

Why do you know so much
about this angry mob?

Wait! You're the one who
started this uprising!

No, I didn't. Banana Guy Mike did
to finally get some justice and...

Oh, wow, I started an uprising
against myself, didn't I?

[moans]

This is why I should
never be unattended.

- Agreed.
- Why would you do that?!

Hey, you'd be mad
at the king, too,

if you heard some of the
stuff I was saying about me!

It's unflattering.

[crowd shouting outside]

OK, I can handle this.
Cooler heads will prevail.

We can avoid violence.

I'm gonna grab the first one in the
door and make an example of him.

I'm talking real messy.
The rest'll back off.

Nobody will be making
an example of anyone!

I created this problem,
so Maurice will handle it.

Nope. Sorry.

You've used up your "handle
it" points for today.

You're on your own.

[female lemur] You
better get up here!

[overlapping shouts]

[female lemur]
Don't be a chicken!

- [crowd gasps]
- Loyal subjects, please!

I decree you guys
should chill out.

- I think he's right.
- Got a point.

I mean, he's the king.

So we're, like, legally
required to chill, right?

Is that a requirement?

Now, today was my
first Resolution Day.

And you people turned it
into a Revolution Day!

Sorry, I was pretty proud of that...
that wordplay.

Didn't want to squander it.

At first, it seemed boring,

and all of your problems were
hard to, you know, care about.

Can't wait to see where
he's going with this.

But a good king must be able to
relate to everybody in the kingdom.

I realize that everybody's
problems are important... to them.

I'm going to try to
fix everything I can,

even if it'll take hard
work and tough decisions,

which are two
things that I hate.

Where's Banana Guy Mike?

OK, I have to come clean
and make a confession.

The truth is...

Banana Guy Mike
was a fake phony.

[all gasp]

He wanted to make everyone think

the king didn't care
about their problems.

Which I obviously
do, and always have.

- Right, but where'd he go?
- Uh...

Yeah, he, uh... he said he didn't care
about you guys the way the king does,

so... he bounced.

I can't believe we got duped
by that Banana Guy Mike.

The good news is,
from this day forward,

I will be a king who listens to his
people and does what needs doing.

A king of action!

Unless I change my
mind or get distracted

or I'm double-booked that day.

Yeah. Firm but fair. I like it.

And I already have a thought
about my first royal action

as the action king.

- [dance music playing]
- Party time!

[crowd cheering]

King Julien, please don't let
this get out of hand again.

Mo-mo, have a
little faith in me.

Hey, what's everyone
standing around for?

Let's raise the roof and
set this jungle on fire!

- [fire whooshing]
- [screaming]

[music continues in distance]

Oh, no.

- Is that...?
- Banana Guy Mike.

He... sacrificed himself.

Banana Guy Mike must be avenged!

Agreed. How we gonna
do that, Becca?

We will become an army of
two, living in the shadows,

striking out against tyranny
wherever we may find it.

- Did you just make that up?
- Yep.

Dang, Becca, that's good.

I know, right?

I'm ready.

We will not rest until King
Julien is off that throne!

[chanting] LALA! LALA!

LALA! LALA!

- LALA!
- [Abner] What's that stand for again?

[dance music playing]