All Hail King Julien (2014–2017): Season 1, Episode 3 - Enter the Fanaloka - full transcript

[dance music playing]

♪ Party ♪

- ♪ Who's the king?
♪ - ♪ King Julien! ♪

- ♪ Who's the king?
♪ - ♪ King Julien! ♪

♪ Get down for the get down ♪

- ♪ Everybody party with King who?
♪ - ♪ King Julien! ♪

- ♪ King who? ♪ - ♪ King Julien! ♪

♪ Tonight will be forever ♪

♪ Let's do King Julien style ♪

♪ Y'all tell me who's the king ♪

♪ All hail King Julien! ♪



Hey! Happy Franksgiving, Horst!

[laughs] Happy
Franksgiving to you.

[excited chittering]

[cheering]

[laughs] Happy Franksgiving, Ted.
What are you gonna wish for?

Ah, same as last year,
something sparkly.

Just call me Mr. Predictable.
[laughs]

[overlapping shouts]

Figured out your
Franksgiving wish?

- Two words: Spring Break.
- [Mort hums indistinctly]

How about you, Mort?

Franksgiving wishes are
supposed to be secret.

Oh, come on, show us.

- Ah!
- [both groan]



- Ew. Yeah. That, uh...
- Ew, that's...

- Ew.
- Keep that to yourself, man.

[horn droning]

[dance music playing]

Citizens of Madagascar...
today is Franksgiving,

the day when every Madagascarian
puts their wishes in a basket

that is offered to my Sky God
brother from another mother, Frank!

[crowd cheering]

Can I get a whoop-whoop
for the Frankster!

[all] Whoop-whoop!

All right, everyone,
you know the rules.

You get to write down one
wish for Frank on a rock.

We've got spotters in the
trees watching your every move.

One means one!

So don't try to get cute and slip
an extra wish rock into the basket.

Yeah, that's right, I am
talking to you, Willie!

What? Whoa!

- [overlapping chatter]
- Here you go!

- No!
- [male grunts]

- Ah, not right again!
- [male] Ow!

[moaning]

Something wrong, King Julien?

This wish deciding
puzzles me, Maurice.

What do you have so far?

I've narrowed it down to "double-jointed
hips" or "less space between my eyes."

I give up. I didn't become
king to make decisions.

I'll let Frank sort it out.

It has just the right amount of vague.
You know how insightful Frank is.

"Surprise me."

[giggles]

Release the balloon!

[giggles]

[grunts]

- [crowd gasps]
- [male] Look at it go!

Uh-oh! [Screaming]

King Julien! The
king is in trouble!

- [hysterical screams]
- We're gonna die!

Someone, please do
something quick!

My life just passed
before my eyes!

Full disclosure: It was awesome!
[laughs]

Oh, save him!

The blood will rush to his
head and his brain will pop!

Don't worry, I got this!

Density feels right.
Moisture retention good.

Stand back, everyone,
this could get awesome!

[grunting]

[screams]

Why does that bird
look like Clover?

Oh, I'm free! You
are magnific...

[shrieks] Please tell me you thought
the rest of your plan through.

Um... [nervous chuckle]

[both screaming]

Incoming king!

We need something to
break the fall, people.

Me! Oh, please, let it be me!

I'm coming, King Julien!

Aim for my soulful eyes!
[grunts]

- [groans]
- [moans]

I'm all right.

Thanks for not asking
and making a scene.

King Julien, what happened?

Clearly, the gods were having a
little humor with me, Maurice.

[dry chuckle]

Good one, gods! Ha, ha.
You got me, you kidders.

[Clover] Hm. I'm not so
sure it was the gods.

This vine isn't
indigenous to the kingdom.

Composition's all wrong.

What are you saying, Clover?

Someone purposely tied
a vine to my ankle

to ruin my Franksgiving
by killing me?

[cackles]

What are you all
standing around for?

It's time for our number
one Franksgiving tradition.

To the water slide!

- [laughs]
- [dance music plays]

[grunts, sighs]

Oh, this is gonna be good!

[laughs, screams]

Faster, faster, faster!

[screams]

- [thudding]
- [gasping]

[muffled shouts]

- [grunting]
- [sputters]

[pants, moans]

I really stuck the landing.

Is it me or was there more
water in that pool at one time?

It was filled yesterday.

First the balloon, now this.

The king is jealous of this
moment you are sharing.

Spit it out.

Uh, have you upset
anyone recently?

I'll rephrase. Have you
upset anyone more than usual?

- Eh...
- I'll rephrase again.

What have you done now?

Done? Nothing.
Everybody loves me.

If they didn't, why would the
top ten non-fiction best sellers

in Madagascar be about me?

[giggles]

You see? I am adored.

Just to be safe, I think I
should stay close to you.

No offense, Clover,

but I can't have Big Brother
watching my every move.

It'll blow my street cred.

That goes for you too, Maurice.

- [both] But...
- Cork that but!

The king's word is final.
Now, I'm going to shower off

so I can enjoy the rest of Franksgiving
before this mud ruins my weave.

There's no reasoning with
him when he's like this,

- you know that, right?
- [chuckles]

And by "this" I'm assuming you
mean completely delusional?

We can't leave him alone, not
until we know he's not in danger.

Roger that. We need a rube. Someone
he won't suspect or care about.

[smacking, grunting]

Mm, dirt!

Mort, you would never want anything bad
to happen to King Julien now, would you?

No! I love King Julien!

Good, because we want you to follow
him and make sure he is safe.

But secretly. You know what
secrets are, right, Mort?

Secrets are what the voices
in my head say never to tell

until I'm sure no
one can stop me.

Yeah, OK.

Close enough.

- [snarling]
- [gasps] Gasp!

[Mort yelps]

[muffled grunts]

Mort! Don't sneak
up on me like that.

[Mort] Sorry.

[moaning]

[whimpers] Help me.

- [gasps] King Julien!
- Wha...

Mort! What are you doing?

I'm sorry, King Julien.

I was just worried that,
well, maybe the fruit was...

- poisoned?
- Poisoned?

Oh, wait, you've been talking to
Clover and Maurice, haven't you?

- Mm-hm.
- Trust me,

there is no one
trying to kill me.

Still... why don't you take a bite of
this first. You know, just in case.

[grunts]

How do you feel?

Hm. I feel...

[groaning]

[coughing, sighs]

Perhaps Clover and Maurice
are onto something.

Hm... I need to be sure.

Go long, Mort, as long as your
stumpy legs can carry you!

- [grunts]
- Me! Me! That's all me!

[panting]

Oh...?

Hm...

- Mort?
- [rustling]

- [shrieks]
- Are you all right, King Julien?

Yes. For a moment, my crazy head
thoughts got the best of me.

But clearly, no one
is trying to hurt...

- [vibrating]
- [moans]

[bird of prey shrieking]

[whimpers] ...me.

You're absolutely
positive I'm safe?

Someone is trying to
hurt you, King Julien.

And that means we're
playing in my sandbox now.

And I take my sandbox
very seriously.

Like to keep it clean, tidy.

Maybe rake it a little,
but not too much.

OK, fine, yes, I get it.

This room is secure. Is
there anything else you need?

Yes, I need you to get out of
here so I can get some sleep!

I have important things to
make other people do tomorrow!

- [bird of prey shrieks]
- [Mort] I'm OK! [Yells]

- [Julien] Clover!
- On it!

Mm.

[sinister male voice]
So, we finally meet.

Who's there?

Someone who's been searching
for you for a very long time.

Uh, Conscience, is that you?

We haven't spoken
since I was a baby.

Are you still mad
that I called you fat?

[male voice chuckles]

Uh... Conscience, I don't remember
your laugh being so creepy.

Don't scream, Julien.
Not yet, at least.

I'm not here to hurt you.
I'm a big fan.

My name is Karl.

Karl, why were you pretending
to be my conscience?

That's not cool.

I'm the one.

Oh. One what?

Who has been setting the
little tests for you.

Using that furry oaf to trigger
my traps was very clever.

If you're referring to Mort,
he's not an oaf, he's a toady.

As for you, Karl, I don't know what
you want and why it couldn't wait

until normal business
hours, or never, but...

Destiny cannot wait, and
this is ours, my friend.

We are the same, but unique.

One light, one dark.

If by "light" you
are referring to me,

you should know I'm more a
mocha with licorice highlights.

Long have I heard
tales of your exploits.

The genius King of the Lemurs.

[screaming]

[Karl] According to legend, this
new lemur king outwitted the foosa.

This same legend says that he is
capable of growing as big as a mountain,

can breathe fire, and shoot
ice darts from his eyes.

[chuckles] Wow. I
want to meet this guy.

The legend is about
you, King Julien.

Wha...? [coughs]

I mean, yeah, I know.

- I was testing you!
- [grunts]

You see how it works?

- How do you like it?
- [chuckles] Oh!

Your sense of humor is divine.
You are all I hoped.

At last, a worthy foe.

But there can be only one
legendary genius in Madagascar,

and you're lying
in bed next to him.

Now listen up, you Karl,
I don't take kindly to threats,

which I think is what this is.

You should go before I get angry
and use my eyeball darts, or the...

What was that other thing I did?

Don't worry,
I won't destroy you.

Not yet, at least.

I'll let you slumber, for now.

[whimpers]

[sighs]

Help!

Did he say anything else? Give
any sign of what he has planned?

Big as a mountain
and fire breathin'.

He got the gist of my
greatness, OK, Maurice?

- Oh! Oh, oh, oh!
- No bathroom breaks

until we figure this out.

- You'll just have to hold it, Clover.
- No, it's not that.

Let me go after Karl.

That's very brave, but no.

After all, it was your job to
keep crazy people out of my bed,

and we all know how
that worked out.

I've trained my whole life
for moments like this.

- [shouting, grunting]
- [grunts]

Did you know I can kill 45
different ways with just my teeth?

Really, 45 ways?

Clover, you demented little minx,
you've been holding out on me.

Eh, all right,
you've convinced me.

I grant you and your teeth
permission to bring Karl to justice.

[snoring]

[squeaking]

So, he's sending someone to come
after me instead of coming himself?

- Cunning. Good work, Chauncey.
- [purring]

You will receive an extra
bowl of waste matter for this.

Now, tell me more about
the one called... Clover.

- [Chauncey squeaking]
- Really? Every morning?

Well, that must make
her fun at parties.

[maniacal laughter]

Watch out, Karl.

You won't see me coming, but
once Clover is on your tail,

I am like stink on...

- Hello, Clover.
- What?

But my stink! How did you know?

Oh, I know a lot
about you, Clover.

I know you live alone.

I know you write
speculative fiction

about a warrior lemur named
Thighsander Plunderhorse...

OK, you can stop there!
[grunting]

I have to warn you,
I've had training.

[shouts, grunts]

[growls]

Oh, I see you've studied
the art of dental combat.

Your bicuspid work is...
impressive.

- [growling]
- [yelling]

[grunting]

[groans]

I hope I didn't inflict
permanent injury on you.

Not yet, at least.

There's so much
more fun to come.

[gasps, whimpers]

- Hi, again.
- [yelps] Why are you here? Again!

I wanted you to know
I passed your test.

I have Clover.

Uh... Clover who? I
know a lot of Clovers.

You gotta be more specific.

[chuckles]

Don't worry, I haven't
done a thing to her.

I have a gift for you. Chauncey!

[squeaking]

- [whimpers]
- Chauncey is harmless,

- unless I order him not to be.
- [squeaks]

That is a laminated brochure with
the directions to my secret lair.

I designed the font myself.

It's called... "Karlvectica."

How original.

Gee, Karl, as much as
I'd like to drop in

and surprise you
in your bedroom,

my schedule for crazy person
visits is pretty booked.

- Know what I'm saying?
- We have a date with greatness, Julien.

So no more tests.

[whimpers] How does he do that?

I should never have sent
her out there alone.

- This is on me.
- We can't leave her!

We're going after
her right away.

It's just these kinds
of tough decisions

that make a king a
true king, Maurice.

- Well said, Your Majesty.
- I wish you the best of luck.

[growls]

- I have Maurice.
- [shrieks] Already?

OK, this ends now!

- Now, now, calm down.
- [Chauncey purring]

Calm down? You're in my bed, Karl!
Again!

With an evil, purring cockroach!
It's pretty weird, man!

[squeaking]

Clover and Maurice only went
after you out of loyalty to me.

They're innocent.

They just got the crazy
King Julien love bad.

Yes, we know about crazy
love, don't we, Chauncey?

- Mm...
- [Chauncey purring]

OK, gross.

You two should get a room.
Or a dumpster.

Last chance, if you ever
want to see them again.

Oops. Hold on, Chauncey.

How does he do that?

I mean, 'cause if it's like real magic
or stuff, it's gonna blow my mind.

[sighs] I'm all alone now.

You've still got
me, King Julien.

- Yes, all alone.
- [Mort sighs]

Fate has gripped me in
its really grippy claw

and won't let go until
I see this through.

But I've got news for you, Fate!
I accept your challenge!

I will rescue my friends.

I will show you that the legend
of King Julien isn't just a story.

OK, well, it is a story,
but it's a really good one!

[grunting]

Evil genius knots are the worst.
[sighs]

Ah, there they are, my two
favorite chatty captives.

Just thought you two should know,
my brilliant nemesis, King Julien,

will be arriving soon for
our historic showdown.

Did he just say "brilliant" and
"Julien" in the same sentence?

The outcome of which
will decide your fate.

Spoiler alert:
He's going to lose.

According to Karl's brochure, we
should be getting close, Mort.

King Julien, why am
I tied to a stick?

To trigger any explosives
Karl might have set for me.

Oh, yay! I'm a sacrifice!

[whispers] OK. This is it, Mort.

[Mort grunts]

[yelps]

[grunts, moans]
Have I 'sploded yet?

Patience. You cannot
rush these things.

[yelling]

[grunts]

[gasps] King Julien 'sploded!

Don't worry, King Julien,
I'll put you back together!

I'll make you whole again!

- [impact thuds]
- [Julien grunting]

[yelling]

[grunts]

[Karl] Welcome, King Julien.

I know what you're thinking.
"Nice zeppelin," right?

It's very you.

Uh, disturbing, with just
the right amount of crazy.

An airship from a golden age.

Someday, I will patch up
this enormous bladder...

rise, rise, rise above
the filthy animals!

Huh? What? Eh, you lost
me at "enormous bladder."

Please, Julien, don't be afraid.

We should savor this moment.

Look, Karl, I just
want my friends back.

Shh. Savor the moment.

[sighs] How long are we...

- Shh! Savoring.
- But...

- Sa... vor...
- This... I...

Savor the moment. Savor it!

[sighs]

Ah, yes. I do love a good savor.

OK, just what is
the plan here, Karl?

I thought we were gonna at
least wrestle or something.

You don't take me
seriously, do you?

Not unless your master plan
is to bore me to death.

And if it is,
congratulations, it's working.

Ever since I was a little fanaloka,
no one has ever taken me seriously.

Even my parents favored my
older brother, Bruce, over me.

And look at Bruce now,

eating and excreting coffee beans
all day with the other fanaloka

- to make overpriced coffee.
- Whoa-ee.

Is that supposed
to be my legacy?

Making poo coffee?

You ask what I want.

I want to be acknowledged as the
greatest mind in all of Madagascar!

And that means I have
to defeat you, Julien!

Julien?

Julien!

[grunting]

- It can't end this way!
- Don't count Julien out just yet.

Please, I live in reality,

and in reality, King
Julien cannot beat Karl.

I think someone's about to eat some
humble lemur pie, whatever that means.

Wha... King Julien.

- How?
- Where's Karl?

Probably still yammering
about his "issues."

I can't stand someone who
only thinks about themselves.

I mean, he invited me.

Ha! A little attention
on the king, please.

Uh, if you two are finished
resting, we should go.

[dramatic moan] Well, since
I've done everything else...

King Julien?

King Julien? Oh,
it's too many chunks!

Head! [Gasps] Oh, I'm
sorry, King Julien!

I promise I will find
all your 'sploded pieces.

We will be together, no matter
how much you rot and smell.

- Mort!
- [shrieks]

Pull yourself together
and get us out of here!

The head talks! It's a miracle!

A miracle! [Gasps, grunts]

I'm so happy!

- [Karl] Well played, King Julien.
- [gasping]

Distracting me
with my own hubris.

Clever gambit.

OK, first, I never
touched your hubris.

And second, what gambit?

I was bored. Action
before words.

"Action before words," yes.

Thanks for the advice.

It's going to be your last.

Nobody threatens my king!

[weapon whirring]

Don't worry. Not yet, at least.

- I'm sure you have some genius way...
- [branches snapping]

- To get out of...
- [crashing]

[Julien] Oh!

My wish! [Laughs]

Good one, Frank!

You got me!

And him!

[dance music playing]