Adventure Time (2010–2018): Season 5, Episode 46 - Rattleballs - full transcript

[Mouse squeaks]

[Penguins wenk]

[All cheering]

[Screeches]

♪ Adventure Time ♪

♪ Come on, grab your friends ♪

♪ We'll go to very distant lands ♪

♪ With Jake the Dog
and Finn the Human ♪

♪ The fun will never end ♪

♪ It's Adventure Time ♪
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[humming]



[Yawns]

- Good morning, Princess!
- Aah!

Finn, you scared me!

I am sorry, Princess!

What are you doing
here, Finn?

Since I got out of my
last relationship,

I've been slacking
on the job.

So I'm rededicating my life
to protecting, serving,

and meeting your every need.

Jake said I was acting bananas
about the whole thing

and wanted no part of this.

It's 5:30
in the morning.

That's right,
Princess.

I'm getting back on the job
hard-core,



giving 100% of my being,
all for you.

Thank you.
That's very nice.

No need to thank me, PB.
It's my job.

Heh.

Thank you.

How am I doing
at my job, Princess?

Am I crushing it?

Yes, but can you
move just a bit?

No, no, like...
out of the way.

Oh!

Okay, what else
do I need?

Aw, dang it.
I forgot we're out of milk.

Now I have to go get it fr...

B-B-B-B-Buh!
I got it!

[Panting]

Hyah!

[Panting continues]

[Panting]

[Grunts]

Milk. You wanted milk.

Finn, I thought
you went home.

Yes.
I do regret the slow return.

But I assure you, this is the
highest quality milk available.

[Breathes heavily]

It's mink's milk.
I milked a mink.

100% dedication.

No limits to what I'd do
for you.

I'd throw Peppermint Butler
off this balcony if you asked.

Sorry, Peppermint Butler.

Just joking,
but kinda sorta not.

You're really
going over the top here.

Take it easy.
Princess' orders.

Okay, I'll just
rest here.

No, no. Resting on the job
is not resting.

Go somewhere where
you can relax.

Yes, Princess.

[Grunts]

Hyah!

[Grunting]

♪ Princess, I give ma life
to you, girl ♪

♪ You are the best dang Princess
in the whole wide world ♪

Hup! Hup! Hup!

Hmm.

Wow, PB.

Sure is a nice day
to be outside.

Hey, watch what you say
about PB, bro!

Talk garbage about PB
one more time, bro...

see what happens!

Hold on one sec, PB.

I got to deal with a real
tough guy over here.

[Shing!]

You got one last chance
to apologize

before I dishonor you
like you did m'lady.

All right, bro,
have it your way.

Hyah!

Where's your pants, bro?!
Where's your honor now?!

Everyone's laughing
at your undies.

It's real uncomfortable.
What's up?!

[Chuckles]

[Shing!]

Heh.

Whoa!
Wowzers!

[Gasps]
No!

Did you drop this car
on m'lady, bro?!

Leave this dump now.

[Coughs]

You dropped a car
on m'lady, bro.

Now I gotta restore
her honor.

Hope you're wearing underwear.

[Shing!]

Huh?

Uh!

[Shing!]

[Gasps]
Whoa. Dude's got awesome powers.

Hey, dude, you got
awesome powers!

[Shing!]

Ra-a-a-a-a-a-a-h!

[Groans]

You gonna kill me, bro?

No...

instead I will pluck out
your eyes

with the point of my sword

and whenever you try to see
stuff,

you will think only
of me...

Rattleballs!

Aaaah!

Do it! I ain't a baby!

Do it, bro-o-o-o!

[Shing!]

[Panting]

[Laughs]

You have a warrior's spirit...

[coughs]

...something I haven't seen
in a long time.

But your swordsmanship
is pbht!

You should learn to master your
weapon before you draw it.

What?

You're just gonna tell me
I'm terrible and walk away?!

Teach me sword stuff, man!

[Farts, coughs]

[Coughs]

I know you're back there.

I brought you a muffin.

I don't eat muffins. I'm a robot.
[Coughs]

Look, I know
you don't know me

and we got off
on the wrong foot,

but please, dude,
teach me how to use the sword.

Ple-e-e-ase.

[Coughs]

- You okay?
- No.

When I was a young robot,
I went horseback riding...

no one taught me
how to post.

The horse took a crazy jump,

and I came down
on the saddle hard.

One of my gumballs
bounced up inside me...

it's been lodged
in a weird spot for years.

Oh. Here...

Errr!

Eh...
More to the left...

Getting closer...

Closer!

Hoh!
You got it!

[Laughs]

Thank you!
- Yeah.

Perhaps you feel a sense of
indebted obligation to me?

Yes, I will teach you
the sword stuff.

Lesson one... block my eggs.

Yut.

Yut.

Ha! Got one!

[Laughs]

Egg-cellent!

Whoa!

Ooh!

[Shing!]
Ooh! Ooh!

Yeah!

That's right. I can take it.

Yeaaaah!

[Eggs breaking]

You have done well today.

You've felt the sting
of the yolk,

endured the sizzle
of the mini BBQ.

Perhaps you are ready to learn
my secret technique.

Secret technique!

Watch.

[Shing!]

What the?!

The shadowless thrust.

Your blade must be
swift enough

to slice the air between you
and the target,

removing all wind
resistance.

Now you try.

[Sword whooshing]

Again.

[Whooshing continues]

So, am I a master
swordsman now?

You will be, if you train
this hard every day...

for 10 years...

And get a robot body.

Oh.

So, uh, why you livin'
in this dump?

You should be out in the world
savin' fancy ladies and junk.

That, my friend,
is a long tale...

which I will tell you now.

It was a much wilder time
in the Candy Kingdom.

I was a member of an elite
robot police force

created by
Princess Bubblegum.

Her previous attempts
at law enforcement

had been a bunch of goofs.

Stop him!

Go! Go! Go! Go!

Our righteous swords cut
a swath through the chaos.

But we were too successful.

Unfortunately, we were still
programmed for violence.

[Indistinct conversations]

[Bell dings]

[Shing! Shing!]

[Robots cheering]

Oh!

One, two, one, two,

one, two,
one, two.

Okay, robots, all the number
ones go stand

on that platform
over there.

And all the number twos
just turn around

and face the wall.

And no peeking.

RATTLEBALLS: We were programmed
to follow her commands 100%.

But through sheer force
of will...

Nnnnnng!

...I was able to overcome it.

We had been judged too dangerous
to stay operational

and sentenced to death.

Number twos,
chop, chop.

[Grunting]

I alone escaped...

while my compatriots became
minimalist furniture.

Ah, sorry.

I've lived as a fugitive in
this junkyard ever since.

That is why you must never tell
Princess Bubblegum about me.

If she ever found out...

she would have me destroyed.

Rattleballs
is still what?!

He asked me not to
tell you,

but I could not break my oath
to serve you m'lady, 100%.

Captain Root Beer Guy,
assemble my guard.

[Sighs]

Hello, Princess.

FINN:
Sorry, Ree-B-Z.

My oath to the Princess
comes first.

But once you two talk it out,
she'll see you mean no harm.

Banana guards,
destroy!

- So be it.
- Wait!

Cha-a-a-a-rge!

Wee-ooo! Wee-ooo!

Ugh!

Cha-a-a-a-a-r...

[guards groan]

Rattleballs!

[Shing!]

R. B., don't!

You think I'm dangerous,
Princess?

Dang right I do!

You killed
all my banana guards!

No, Princess, look!
They're only bruised.

[Guards groaning]

Hey, you hit me.

I no longer crave mindless
violence.

I have found peace
in meditation, gardening...

egg throwing.

I hope time has also made you
less bloodthirsty, Princess.

But do with me as you will.

In my heart,
I still serve you...

100%.

TV:
Bigger pimples mean bigger dimples,

so mash up your mush...

BUBBLEGUM:
Ahem...

Okay, everybody.

I took care of Rattleballs.

Ooh, wow. Cool.

Show's back on.

Everything's settled.

I don't have to go back
on my order,

and you can protect
the kingdom from the shadows.

Thank you, Princess.

That's marginally better
than hiding in a dump.

[Sighs]

Wait.

- Hmm?
- I dub thee...

Sir Rattleballs!

♪ Come along with me ♪

♪ And the butterflies and bees ♪

♪ We can wander through the forest ♪

♪ And do so as we please ♪

♪ Come along with me ♪

♪ To a cliff under a tree ♪

This party is so crazy!
Ripped By mstoll