Adventure Time (2010–2018): Season 5, Episode 26 - Wizards Only, Fools - full transcript
Princess Bubblegum believes magic is nothing but a bunch of hooey until Starchy gets sick.
[Mouse squeaks]
[Penguins wenk]
[All cheering]
[Screeches]
♪ Adventure Time ♪
♪ Come on, grab your friends ♪
♪ We'll go to very distant lands ♪
♪ With Jake the Dog
and Finn the Human ♪
♪ The fun will never end ♪
♪ It's Adventure Time ♪
Ripped By mstoll
MAN:
No-o-o-o-o-o-o!
Get away from me,
you butchers!
Starchy, you have
a cold.
The cure is right here.
Just let me...
No!
Starchy only takes magic!
Oh, come on.
[Sneezes]
Find me a wizard!
Nurse Poundcake,
hold Starchy
while I administer
the serum.
- [Inhales sharply]
- What?
Look, I'm a nurse and all,
but my uncle
is a magic worker,
and he cured my sadness
about my marriage.
[Sighs]
Listen, all magic is
is scientific principles
presented
like mystical hoo-doo,
which is fun but it's sort
of irresponsible.
I got your magic right here,
okay?
And razzle dazzle!
Flooby-doo!
Zamabamafoo!
Is that a real spell?
No, I'm making fun
of spells.
Princess, you're being
really disrespectful
of my beliefs.
That was very close-minded!
[Both crying]
Starchy, I just
want to help.
[Sobbing]
All right! You want me
to go to Wizard City
and get you a cold spell?
You still think I'm a jerk?
All right, sit tight.
- How is he?
- He's still sick.
[Both groan]
- Yo, that stinks!
Tonight's part 3 of his
graveyard secrets workshop.
Yeah, Prubs, give him
the medicon.
He won't take it.
He wants me to get him a cold
spell from Wizard City.
- BOTH: Oh, okay.
- That makes sense.
[Scoffs]
Dude, you guys! Really?
Yeah, I mean, magic's
probably more natchy
for your body in the long run.
[Sighs]
Have you two been
to Wizard City?
Nope.
"Wizards only."
Wizards don't play.
Trespassers get killed
mad quick, like zap-zap.
Well, then what?
Let's stay home.
Just kidding.
All right, meet me outside
of Wizard City
in your freshest
wizard johns.
[Sneezes]
H-Hurry, Princess.
FINN:
This is it?
Yeah, man, this is it.
Well, what's
with the wall?
Wo-o-o-o-o-o-o-op!
What's over there?
Nothing.
Just more mountains.
I think the wall knows
we're not wizards.
But we can trick it,
right?
How do you trick a wall?
Don't know, man.
I give up.
For reals?
Yeah, I'm no good
at this!
Unh! Oof!
That was a nice try, man.
Guys, hold up!
I got the password from
The Ice King.
Apparently, the barrier
only responds
to the voice of real wizards.
ICE KING:
No way! I'm no rat!
I am bound by the sacred trust
of esoteric knowledge!
BUBBLEGUM:
Say the password, Ice King!
ICE KING: You think I'll just
hand you the keys to the city?
I'd rather die.
BUBBLEGUM:
Say the password.
ICE KING:
Ow! My pinky!
Ow.
[Sniffles]
Thank you.
You know, no one has touched me
in months.
Could you touch me again?
BUBBLEGUM:
Password! Now!
ICE KING:
Ow! Ohh! Ohh!
"Wizards Rule!"
The password
is "wizards rule!"
Aah
Whoa.
Powerful magicks.
Pshh!
It's a vocal registry
rigged to a vibration modulator.
The wall's still there.
It's just the density's
all wobbled.
Boo.
Um... that's what
it is, Jake.
All right,
what am I, then?
This don't look like
magic to you?
It looks like
a mutation.
Boring.
Yeah, right.
Just 'cause I know
my shnoz...
Look at these dopes.
Half of these spells are
all working
on entanglement principles.
"Entanglement" is a spell
where you get trapped
in tree roots,
and sometimes they
spike out and hook your flesh,
and you got to be like,
"My body is clay.
My spirit feels no pain."
Then you chop your way out
and kill the wizard!
That's not what
I meant, but whatevs.
Where's this magic shop?
These signs are weird.
Let's ask somebody.
Hey, dudes.
Yo, where's the...
Stand back, citizen.
Yeesh. Okay.
Who are these guys?
BUBBLEGUM:
They're like the city popo or something.
Stranson Doughblow,
you are guilty
of impersonating a wizard,
as well as purchasing magic items
from Ron James' Spell Palace.
Bingo.
Wait!
I know some coin tricks.
The sentence is...
Whoa!
- Oh, my shrah!
- Come on.
You saw that, right?
[Bell jingles]
Welcome, brothers!
Sorry about that biz outside.
Ha ha ha!
Oh, what a silly non-magic user,
right?
All right, bros.
Ronny James got mad spells for
wizards of all E.X. P.S.
No need for memorization,
incantation,
or hard-to-find bularoo.
Just rip one of these
babies open,
and you'll be like,
"Ta-da!"
We got a bottle-returns program
and all that shwazaa.
So, wha-za?
We need a spell
for the cold.
Heck, yeah, brah.
I got something.
Whoof!
This baby right here...
right here?...
This is what you want,
brothers.
- How's it work?
- It works by magic.
It's a spell.
- Dude...
What? I'm curious.
So, what's in it?
It's my secret
brew, dog.
So you want to sell me a product
with no information?
It's a cold spell.
Made from what?
Magic.
What's the magic
made out of, dingdong?
- Y'all is fakes!
- FINN: No, wait!
Bam!
[Alarm bell ringing]
You're busted!
Yoink!
Aah!
Dang.
- Hey, Jake?
- What?
Is P. B. Straight-up
naked right now?
JAKE: Dude, don't make me
feel any more awkward
than I already do!
Dang!
It's a dead end!
[Whistling]
- BOTH: Abracadaniel!
- Huh? Do I know you?
Dude, it's me... Finn!
Quick, let us in!
Oh, guys, I don't know.
That's not my place.
I just work here and I...
- Please!
- Come on, man!
- Shush!
Come on, come on,
come on, come on!
Shoop!
MAN:
Yeah, when the lamb comes back,
laser wizard puts him
on the altar.
And then I extract
his forehead, right, Bufo?
Ooh.
Right, yeah.
That's the plan...
[machinery clanks]
What the blutt,
Abracadaniel?!
What part of "Secret Society"
don't you understand?!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
We don't want trouble!
Just let us rest
for a bit.
Oh, we gonna put you
to rest... for good!
[Rumbling]
You are guilty of harboring
non-magic users!
- Barrier!
- We need an exit!
[Inhales sharply]
Oh, boy.
That's what you get
for asking a magician
about his
tricks, P. B.!
TOGETHER:
Ghosts of the Warp Plane,
grant us passage
into your realm.
Hey, guys, wait for me!
Shush!
Whoa!
Receive your just punishment!
No!
As ruler of the Candy Kingdom,
I demand parley
with
the Grand Master Wizard!
MAN:
Princess Bubblegum!
For shame.
And I'm very disappointed
in you, Abracadaniel.
However, Princess,
since you have always been
a dear friend
to the wizard community,
just say "wizards rule"
and you're all free to go.
Wha? Really?
Mmm?
- Psst! Wizards rule!
- No!
[Coughs]
Oh!
All magic is
science!
You just don't
know what you're doing,
so you call it magic!
And, well,
it's ridiculous.
Wizard prison!
All of you!
N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!
JAKE:
Ridiculous, huh?
This isn't happening!
- Ho!
- Ouch!
Would you look at that?
Somebody better start crying
into my hand.
Ugh! That's sick!
PRISONER:
You're right. I'm so ashamed.
Ugh!
Ouch!
Come on! Move it!
You two... in here!
I got cells upstairs
for Princess and Milkface.
[Screaming]
I got traumatized by those
underpanties.
This sucks.
Hey, let's count
the days.
One.
Hey, P. B., are you
okay?
Yeah, I'm okay.
JAKE:
Sleep tight, Princess!
Good night.
Stupid wizards...
JAKE:
Two!
P. B.! Over here!
Unh!
Whoa!
Bubblegum, I hereby
challenge you
to an honorable prison stabbing
to the death!
Bring it on.
What?!
Are you two crazy?!
I've had it
with you silly wizards!
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight!
Jake, we have to do
something.
[Both grunting]
- Raaah!
We need to get out
of this.
Yeah, we still got to heal
the snuffins out of Starchy
with this little baby here.
All this for a cold
spell.
What the...
ice?
Hmm.
MAN:
Hey, Milkface isn't dead.
Strike me down
and restore my honor.
No!
Sorry, but you have
to kill him.
Otherwise, we'll kill
all of yous two both.
- Peebs! Incoming!
- What?
It's a cold spell,
not a cold spell.
Prisoner, drop that
contraband magic!
- Whoa!
- Get down!
Your magicks are
powerful, P. B.
Okay.
Let's get out of here.
Poor Starchy.
All that trouble and we couldn't
get any magic for him.
Hmm.
I've got an idea.
[Moaning]
Woo-oo-oo-oo!
Eh? Finally!
Healing magic.
Oh, I can feel it!
No!
Rubel-dubel
dingel-dongel... pffrt!
♪ Come along with me ♪
♪ And the butterflies and bees ♪
♪ We can wander through the forest ♪
♪ And do so as we please ♪
♪ Come along with me ♪
♪ To a cliff under a tree ♪
FINN:
This party is so crazy!
Ripped By mstoll
[Penguins wenk]
[All cheering]
[Screeches]
♪ Adventure Time ♪
♪ Come on, grab your friends ♪
♪ We'll go to very distant lands ♪
♪ With Jake the Dog
and Finn the Human ♪
♪ The fun will never end ♪
♪ It's Adventure Time ♪
Ripped By mstoll
MAN:
No-o-o-o-o-o-o!
Get away from me,
you butchers!
Starchy, you have
a cold.
The cure is right here.
Just let me...
No!
Starchy only takes magic!
Oh, come on.
[Sneezes]
Find me a wizard!
Nurse Poundcake,
hold Starchy
while I administer
the serum.
- [Inhales sharply]
- What?
Look, I'm a nurse and all,
but my uncle
is a magic worker,
and he cured my sadness
about my marriage.
[Sighs]
Listen, all magic is
is scientific principles
presented
like mystical hoo-doo,
which is fun but it's sort
of irresponsible.
I got your magic right here,
okay?
And razzle dazzle!
Flooby-doo!
Zamabamafoo!
Is that a real spell?
No, I'm making fun
of spells.
Princess, you're being
really disrespectful
of my beliefs.
That was very close-minded!
[Both crying]
Starchy, I just
want to help.
[Sobbing]
All right! You want me
to go to Wizard City
and get you a cold spell?
You still think I'm a jerk?
All right, sit tight.
- How is he?
- He's still sick.
[Both groan]
- Yo, that stinks!
Tonight's part 3 of his
graveyard secrets workshop.
Yeah, Prubs, give him
the medicon.
He won't take it.
He wants me to get him a cold
spell from Wizard City.
- BOTH: Oh, okay.
- That makes sense.
[Scoffs]
Dude, you guys! Really?
Yeah, I mean, magic's
probably more natchy
for your body in the long run.
[Sighs]
Have you two been
to Wizard City?
Nope.
"Wizards only."
Wizards don't play.
Trespassers get killed
mad quick, like zap-zap.
Well, then what?
Let's stay home.
Just kidding.
All right, meet me outside
of Wizard City
in your freshest
wizard johns.
[Sneezes]
H-Hurry, Princess.
FINN:
This is it?
Yeah, man, this is it.
Well, what's
with the wall?
Wo-o-o-o-o-o-o-op!
What's over there?
Nothing.
Just more mountains.
I think the wall knows
we're not wizards.
But we can trick it,
right?
How do you trick a wall?
Don't know, man.
I give up.
For reals?
Yeah, I'm no good
at this!
Unh! Oof!
That was a nice try, man.
Guys, hold up!
I got the password from
The Ice King.
Apparently, the barrier
only responds
to the voice of real wizards.
ICE KING:
No way! I'm no rat!
I am bound by the sacred trust
of esoteric knowledge!
BUBBLEGUM:
Say the password, Ice King!
ICE KING: You think I'll just
hand you the keys to the city?
I'd rather die.
BUBBLEGUM:
Say the password.
ICE KING:
Ow! My pinky!
Ow.
[Sniffles]
Thank you.
You know, no one has touched me
in months.
Could you touch me again?
BUBBLEGUM:
Password! Now!
ICE KING:
Ow! Ohh! Ohh!
"Wizards Rule!"
The password
is "wizards rule!"
Aah
Whoa.
Powerful magicks.
Pshh!
It's a vocal registry
rigged to a vibration modulator.
The wall's still there.
It's just the density's
all wobbled.
Boo.
Um... that's what
it is, Jake.
All right,
what am I, then?
This don't look like
magic to you?
It looks like
a mutation.
Boring.
Yeah, right.
Just 'cause I know
my shnoz...
Look at these dopes.
Half of these spells are
all working
on entanglement principles.
"Entanglement" is a spell
where you get trapped
in tree roots,
and sometimes they
spike out and hook your flesh,
and you got to be like,
"My body is clay.
My spirit feels no pain."
Then you chop your way out
and kill the wizard!
That's not what
I meant, but whatevs.
Where's this magic shop?
These signs are weird.
Let's ask somebody.
Hey, dudes.
Yo, where's the...
Stand back, citizen.
Yeesh. Okay.
Who are these guys?
BUBBLEGUM:
They're like the city popo or something.
Stranson Doughblow,
you are guilty
of impersonating a wizard,
as well as purchasing magic items
from Ron James' Spell Palace.
Bingo.
Wait!
I know some coin tricks.
The sentence is...
Whoa!
- Oh, my shrah!
- Come on.
You saw that, right?
[Bell jingles]
Welcome, brothers!
Sorry about that biz outside.
Ha ha ha!
Oh, what a silly non-magic user,
right?
All right, bros.
Ronny James got mad spells for
wizards of all E.X. P.S.
No need for memorization,
incantation,
or hard-to-find bularoo.
Just rip one of these
babies open,
and you'll be like,
"Ta-da!"
We got a bottle-returns program
and all that shwazaa.
So, wha-za?
We need a spell
for the cold.
Heck, yeah, brah.
I got something.
Whoof!
This baby right here...
right here?...
This is what you want,
brothers.
- How's it work?
- It works by magic.
It's a spell.
- Dude...
What? I'm curious.
So, what's in it?
It's my secret
brew, dog.
So you want to sell me a product
with no information?
It's a cold spell.
Made from what?
Magic.
What's the magic
made out of, dingdong?
- Y'all is fakes!
- FINN: No, wait!
Bam!
[Alarm bell ringing]
You're busted!
Yoink!
Aah!
Dang.
- Hey, Jake?
- What?
Is P. B. Straight-up
naked right now?
JAKE: Dude, don't make me
feel any more awkward
than I already do!
Dang!
It's a dead end!
[Whistling]
- BOTH: Abracadaniel!
- Huh? Do I know you?
Dude, it's me... Finn!
Quick, let us in!
Oh, guys, I don't know.
That's not my place.
I just work here and I...
- Please!
- Come on, man!
- Shush!
Come on, come on,
come on, come on!
Shoop!
MAN:
Yeah, when the lamb comes back,
laser wizard puts him
on the altar.
And then I extract
his forehead, right, Bufo?
Ooh.
Right, yeah.
That's the plan...
[machinery clanks]
What the blutt,
Abracadaniel?!
What part of "Secret Society"
don't you understand?!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
We don't want trouble!
Just let us rest
for a bit.
Oh, we gonna put you
to rest... for good!
[Rumbling]
You are guilty of harboring
non-magic users!
- Barrier!
- We need an exit!
[Inhales sharply]
Oh, boy.
That's what you get
for asking a magician
about his
tricks, P. B.!
TOGETHER:
Ghosts of the Warp Plane,
grant us passage
into your realm.
Hey, guys, wait for me!
Shush!
Whoa!
Receive your just punishment!
No!
As ruler of the Candy Kingdom,
I demand parley
with
the Grand Master Wizard!
MAN:
Princess Bubblegum!
For shame.
And I'm very disappointed
in you, Abracadaniel.
However, Princess,
since you have always been
a dear friend
to the wizard community,
just say "wizards rule"
and you're all free to go.
Wha? Really?
Mmm?
- Psst! Wizards rule!
- No!
[Coughs]
Oh!
All magic is
science!
You just don't
know what you're doing,
so you call it magic!
And, well,
it's ridiculous.
Wizard prison!
All of you!
N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!
JAKE:
Ridiculous, huh?
This isn't happening!
- Ho!
- Ouch!
Would you look at that?
Somebody better start crying
into my hand.
Ugh! That's sick!
PRISONER:
You're right. I'm so ashamed.
Ugh!
Ouch!
Come on! Move it!
You two... in here!
I got cells upstairs
for Princess and Milkface.
[Screaming]
I got traumatized by those
underpanties.
This sucks.
Hey, let's count
the days.
One.
Hey, P. B., are you
okay?
Yeah, I'm okay.
JAKE:
Sleep tight, Princess!
Good night.
Stupid wizards...
JAKE:
Two!
P. B.! Over here!
Unh!
Whoa!
Bubblegum, I hereby
challenge you
to an honorable prison stabbing
to the death!
Bring it on.
What?!
Are you two crazy?!
I've had it
with you silly wizards!
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight!
Jake, we have to do
something.
[Both grunting]
- Raaah!
We need to get out
of this.
Yeah, we still got to heal
the snuffins out of Starchy
with this little baby here.
All this for a cold
spell.
What the...
ice?
Hmm.
MAN:
Hey, Milkface isn't dead.
Strike me down
and restore my honor.
No!
Sorry, but you have
to kill him.
Otherwise, we'll kill
all of yous two both.
- Peebs! Incoming!
- What?
It's a cold spell,
not a cold spell.
Prisoner, drop that
contraband magic!
- Whoa!
- Get down!
Your magicks are
powerful, P. B.
Okay.
Let's get out of here.
Poor Starchy.
All that trouble and we couldn't
get any magic for him.
Hmm.
I've got an idea.
[Moaning]
Woo-oo-oo-oo!
Eh? Finally!
Healing magic.
Oh, I can feel it!
No!
Rubel-dubel
dingel-dongel... pffrt!
♪ Come along with me ♪
♪ And the butterflies and bees ♪
♪ We can wander through the forest ♪
♪ And do so as we please ♪
♪ Come along with me ♪
♪ To a cliff under a tree ♪
FINN:
This party is so crazy!
Ripped By mstoll