According to Jim (2001–2009): Season 5, Episode 7 - The Chick Whisperer - full transcript

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SO, BERNICE, UH...

ANDY SAYS THAT
YOU GUYS MET AT COULIER'S.

DO YOU GO THERE OFTEN?

EVERY OTHER TUESDAY.
(Cheryl) MM.

IT'S D.M.V. EMPLOYEE NIGHT,

SO THE WHOLE GANG
GOES DOWN THERE.

OH. (chuckles) WELL, DO THEY

MAKE YOU STAND AT THE BAR
FOR 40 MINUTES

AND THEN TELL YOU YOU DON'T HAVE
THE RIGHT FORM FOR THE DRINK?

OUR AVERAGE WAIT TIME
IS 18 MINUTES.

OKAY, UH, BERNICE,
MAY I OFFER YOU MORE COFFEE?



ACTUALLY, BERNICE HAS
A SERIOUS BLADDER ISSUE.

FOUND THAT OUT
AT THE DRIVE-IN.

HEY, GUYS. I'M SO SORRY.
I FELL ASLEEP WITH THE GIRLS.

(Cheryl) OH.

COULD BE CHRONIC FATIGUE
OR DEPRESSION. I HAVE BOTH.

HI, I'M DANA.
BERNICE.

HI. SORRY,
MY ARM FELL ASLEEP.

OW!
OH!

I AM SO SORRY.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
WE ALL WANTED TO DO THAT.

DANA! OH, MY GOD!

BERNICE, ARE YOU OKAY?

I'VE GOT TEMPORAL
MANDIBULAR SYNDROME.

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
MAYBE WE SHOULD CALL IT A NIGHT.



THANKS, ANDY. YOU ARE SO KIND.

YEAH.

SEE YA.

♪♪♪

ANDY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
DATING SOME D.M.V. CHICK?

I THOUGHT YOUR LOW POINT
WAS WHEN YOUR MAIL ORDER BRIDE

LEFT YOU TO GO BACK
TO HER WAR-TORN HOMELAND.

SHE DIDN'T LEAVE ME.
THEY CALLED UP HER UNIT.

(Jim) OH.

ANDY. ANDY...

WOULD YOU JUST LET ME
SET YOU UP WITH CONNIE

FROM OUR YOGA CLASS?
YOU GUYS HAVE A LOT IN COMMON.

YOU... YOU CAN'T PUT
TWO DESPERATE LOSERS TOGETHER

AND EXPECT SOMETHIN'
TO HAPPEN.

JIM...
CONNIE IS NOT A LOSER.

CHERYL, PUTTING PEOPLE
TOGETHER IS AN ART.

IT'S A SCIENCE. IT'S A...
ART-SCIENCE, IF YOU WILL.

ALL RIGHT? YOU NEED...
YOU NEED SOMEONE WITH WISDOM

AND EXPERIENCE TO HELP YOU
FIND THE RIGHT GIRL.

OKAY, AND LET ME GUESS.
THAT SOMEONE IS YOU.

CHERYL, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO GUESS. IT IS ME.

RIGHT.

YOU KNOW.
ANDREW, LISTEN TO ME.

I COME FROM A... A LONG
TRADITION, ALL RIGHT? AHEM.

THE EARLY SETTLERS USED
TO CALL US "CHICK WHISPERERS."

WE THRIVED ON THIS CONTINENT
FOR... FOR CENTURIES.

AND THEN WHEN THEY CUT DOWN
ALL THE FORESTS,

WE KIND OF MIGRATED
INTO THE SINGLES BARS.

WELL, WHATEVER I'M DOIN' NOW
ISN'T WORKIN'.

WHAT DO I GOT TO LOSE?

50 POUNDS
AND A PORN ADDICTION?

ANDY, JIM DOES NOT KNOW
WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT.

(Jim) WHAT?
I'M VERY GOOD AT THIS.

MY FRIENDS CALL ME
"THE MATCHMAKER."

MATCHMAKER?
YES!

JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN PUT
A SHIRT AND PANTS TOGETHER

DOESN'T MAKE YOU A MATCHMAKER.

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, ANDY,
THINK ABOUT IT.

WOULD YOU RATHER TAKE ADVICE
FROM A GUY WHO MARRIED UP

OR A WOMAN WHO MARRIED DOWN?

SORRY, SIS.

AAH!

SO I JUST TALK INTO THIS BUTTON
ON MY CUFF AND YOU'LL HEAR ME?

YEAH, YEAH. SEE? HERE.

I GOT THE RECEIVER
IN MY EAR HERE.

IT'LL PICK UP
EVERYTHING.

GO AHEAD, TEST IT OUT.

HELLO, CHICAGO!
OW!

ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!
OW!

STUPID JERK!

AAH.

COME ON.
STAY FOCUSED HERE.

YOU WANNA FIND A WOMAN
OF QUALITY OR NOT?

YEAH, OF COURSE, OF
COURSE. ALL RIGHT. OKAY, OKAY.

CHECK OUT THE REDHEAD
BEHIND ME.

OOH. PRETTY.

NO ADAM'S APPLE.
I'M SEEING GREEN LIGHTS.

WRONG, WRONG. WHAT'S SHE
DRINKIN'? WHAT'S SHE DRINKIN'?

LEMON DROP MARTINI.

RIGHT. HIGH MAINTENANCE.

WE WANNA FIND A GIRL
WHO'S DRINKIN' WHITE WINE.

YES, YES, YES. WHITE WINE.

EDUCATED AND UNPRETENTIOUS.
MM-HMM.

OOH, OOH, OOH, JIM! JIM!
LOOK! HOW ABOUT HER?

YOU GOT A GOOD EYE,

BUT SHE'S CHEWIN' PRETTY HARD
ON THAT STRAW.

IT MEANS
SHE'S AN ANGRY WOMAN.

ALL RIGHT? DO YOU WANT
AN ANGRY WOMAN?

SOMETIMES IT'S NICE.

BINGO. HOT CHICK RIGHT THERE
IN THE RED TOP.

OH, BUT SHE'S GORGEOUS.

WAY OUT OF MY LEAGUE.
YOU WANT ME TO HELP YA,

OR DO YOU WANNA DRIVE DOWN
TO THE TRAIN YARD

AND FIND A GIRL
WHO'S RUBBIN' HER HANDS

OVER A BURNING TRASH CAN?

SOMETIMES IT'S NICE.

AH, COME ON.

ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.

NOW JUST FOLLOW MY
INSTRUCTIONS. YEAH.

BE CONFIDENT.
CAN YOU HEAR ME?

(whispers) YES.
OKAY.

NOW PUT YOUR HAND
OVER YOUR HEAD.

SMELL YOUR ARMPIT.

NOW TURN AROUND
AND ADJUST YOUR CROTCH.

JIM! ALL RIGHT!
OW! EASY! OW! JEEZ!

I THOUGHT YOU WERE HELPIN' ME.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!

OKAY, NOW LET'S START
WITH A COMPLIMENT.

OKAY, UH, YOU LOOK GREAT
IN THOSE PANTS, JIM.

THE GIRL, THE GIRL.

SAY SOMETHIN' LIKE, UH,

HEAVEN MUST BE MISSING
AN ANGEL TONIGHT

BECAUSE YOU'RE RIGHT HERE
ON EARTH.

I'M NOT SAYING THAT.
THAT'S CORNY.

CORNY IS GOOD.
WOMEN LOVE CORNY. JUST DO IT.

NO WAY!
WHAT?

I, UH, I SAID, "OH, HEY."

(chuckles) UH, HEAVEN...

MUST BE MISSIN' AN ANGEL BECAUSE
YOU'RE RIGHT HERE ON EARTH.

THAT'S CORNY,
BUT IT KINDA WORKS.

I'M STEPHANIE.

AND WE'RE IN.

I'M ANDY.

OKAY, NOW COMPLIMENT
HER SHOES.

GUYS DON'T DO IT,
AND WOMEN LOVE IT.

I REALLY DIG THOSE SHOES.
THEY'RE SO STRAPPY.

THANK YOU.

GUYS NEVER NOTICE THAT STUFF.

ARE YOU SOME KIND OF ARTIST
OR SOMETHING?

ACTUALLY, I DID WRITE
A ONE-ACT PLAY...

ANDY, ANDY, "ARTIST" IS CODE.
SHE THINKS YOU'RE GAY.

ENTITLED, "I REALLY LIKE NAKED
WOMEN WHO WEAR STRAPPY SHOES."

(laughs)

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S GOOD.

SO, ANDY, WHAT DO YOU DO
WHEN YOU'RE NOT WRITING PLAYS?

I'M AN ARCHITECT.
OH, REALLY?

WHERE DO YOU WORK?
(Jim) OH, DON'T ANSWER THAT.

THE LESS YOU SAY, THE MORE
INTRIGUED SHE'LL BECOME.

ANYWHERE SOMEONE NEEDS
A BUILDING.

OH, WITTY, TOO.
I'M INTRIGUED.

(Jim) OH, YES.

WE GOT THE SHOULDER PAT.
SHE LIKES YOU.

ALL RIGHT.
GET THE NUMBER AND GET OUT.

UH, TELL HER, UH,
YOU GOT A THING. BE MYSTERIOUS.

COULD... COULD I GET
YOUR NUMBER?

I-I GOT A THING.

HERE YOU GO,
BUT YOU'D BETTER CALL ME.

NOW TELL HER TO STAY BEAUTIFUL
AND JUST WALK AWAY.

STAY BEAUTIFUL,
AND JUST WALK AWAY.

HEY.

HEY.

OW!

I'M SORRY, ROMEO...

COMIN' INTO WORK LATE...

WEARIN' THE SAME CLOTHES
HE HAD ON YESTERDAY.

I'M PROUD OF YA.

I'M STILL DOCKIN' YOUR PAY,
BUT I'M PROUD OF YA.

YEAH, THAT... THAT STEPHANIE'S
QUITE A GIRL.

UH-HUH. YEAH, BUT I'M
NOT TOO SURE ABOUT HER.

SHE'S GOT A FEW,
UH, QUIRKS.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?

I FIND YOU
THIS REALLY HOT CHICK

AND YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT
A FEW QUIRKS? QUIRKS LIKE WHAT?

OKAY, SHE INSISTS

ON PUTTING TOOTHPASTE
ON MY TOOTHBRUSH FOR ME.

PFFT. COME ON. THAT'S JUST
BEING CARING, THAT'S ALL.

THEN SHE FLOSSES ME.

SHE'S WORRIED
ABOUT YOUR GUMS.

THEN SHE SAVES THE FLOSS
IN A JAR

LABELED "PIECES OF ANDY."

OKAY, THAT'S A LITTLE CRAZY.

EXACTLY. I'M JUST NOT SURE IT'S GONNA
WORK OUT. NO, NO, NO, NO. COME HERE,

COME HERE, COME HERE. NEW LESSON
FROM THE CHICK WHISPERER HERE.

LISTEN, ANDY,
ALL WOMEN ARE CRAZY.

REALLY?
YES, THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS.

THERE IS A DIRECT RELATIONSHIP
BETWEEN HOW HOT A CHICK IS

AND HOW MUCH CRAZY
TO TOLERATE.

WELL, JIM, SHE IS THE HOTTEST
GIRL I'VE EVER DATED.

OKAY,
THEN SHE'S ACCEPTABLY CRAZY.

ACCEPTABLY CRAZY.
OKAY, I GET THAT. THANKS.

THANKS...

THANKS, CHICK WHISPERER.

AH.

HI, ANDY.

OH.

JIM.

OH, HI, STEPHANIE.

HEY, STEPHANIE.
UH, WHAT... WHAT BRINGS YOU BY?

WELL, I HAD A SWEET TOOTH,

AND I WANT SOME ANDY CANDY.

MMM, MMM, MMM, MMM.

HI.

I-I-I-I'M SUPPOSED
TO BE SOMEPLACE...

THAT'S NOT THIS PLACE.

SO, GORGEOUS...

YEAH?
CAN I HAVE SOMETHING

TO CARRY AROUND
THAT REMINDS ME OF YOU?

OH, WELL, I DO HAVE SOME
PICTURES OF ME WITH TONY DANZA.

WELL, I WAS THINKIN'
OF SOMETHIN'

A LITTLE MORE PERSONAL,
LIKE MAYBE SOME OF YOUR HAIR.

OKAY, I GUESS WE COULD
TAKE A SNIP OF MY...

(gasps)
(gasps) OH.

AAH!

OH, YES.

OH!

YES, YES.

AH.

NOW YOUR CHEST
WILL BE ON MINE ALL DAY.

(giggles)

I LOVE YOU... I CAN'T BELIEVE
I JUST SAID THAT.

THAT WAS ME, RIGHT? OHH!

ACCEPTABLY CRAZY.

AH.

HEY, HONEY,
HAVE YOU TALKED TO ANDY?

DO YOU KNOW IF HE'S COMING OVER
FOR DINNER?

OH, I THINK THAT'S DOUBTFUL.
YOUNG ANDREW IS FEEDING ON LOVE.

ALSO, HE HAD A BUCKET OF CHICKEN
AROUND 4:00 AT WORK.

YEAH, YOU KNOW, HE DOES SEEM
REALLY HAPPY LATELY.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HIS ROLE
IN THE FAMILY IS ANYMORE.

I GOTTA ADMIT,
YOU DID A GREAT JOB, JIM.

JIM? JIM WHO?

WHAT IS MY PIONEER NAME?

GREAT JOB, CHICK WHISPERER.

(Cheryl)
OH, THERE HE IS. HELLO!

WE WANNA HEAR ALL ABOUT
YOUR STEPHANIE.

(laughs)

A GENTLEMAN NEVER TALKS.

COME ON! COME ON!
COME ON!

JIM, I NEED TO TALK.

OKAY. YOUNG ANDREW
NEEDS SOME ADVICE.

SO MY ADVICE
TO THE MATCHMAKER WOULD BE

TRY TO MATCH UP SOMETHING
THAT'S FOR DINNER

THAT WOULD FIT MY TUMMY.

HERE'S A HINT...

STEW.

YOU KNOW, STEW DOES SOUND
REALLY GOOD. JIM'S ON A ROLL.

YEAH.

HEY, BUD, WHAT'S UP?

(chuckles)
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S UP.

THAT'S KINDA SEXY.

WHAT? NO, IT WASN'T...
IT WASN'T SO SEXY

WHEN STEPHANIE LEFT ME
LOCKED UP FOR FOUR HOURS.

AH, MAYBE SHE MISPLACED
THE KEY.

PEOPLE LOSE KEYS.
LET HER SLIDE.

OH, YEAH? OH, REALLY?
SHOULD I LET THIS SLIDE?

THIS IS HENNA.
IT WON'T COME OFF FOR WEEKS.

JIM, IS THIS STILL
ACCEPTABLY CRAZY?

DOES SHE COOK?
JIM.

LAUNDRY?
JIM!

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT, DUMP HER, DUMP HER.

YOU'RE RIGHT.
THAT IS A LITTLE CRAZY.

BUT I'M SCARED, JIM.
WHAT?

I TALKED HER INTO HENNA.
SHE WANTED TO BRAND ME.

OH, COME ON. THIS IS
NO TIME TO PANIC, ANDY.

OH, REALLY, JIM? REALLY?
NO.

SO TELL ME... TELL ME,
WHEN IS THE TIME TO PANIC?

WHEN SHE WANTS TO HOOK
HER CAR BATTERY UP TO MY BOYS?

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

I'LL... I'LL HELP YOU
GET RID OF HER.

I WAS JUST SO FOOLED.

I MEAN, SHE WAS HOT...
SHE LIKED CORNY...

DRINKIN' WHITE WINE...

NO, NO, NO. HER FRIEND
WAS DRINKIN' WHITE WINE.

SHE WAS DRINKIN' A COSMO.

(gasps) A COSMO?

OH, MY FRIEND, YOU'RE LUCKY
YOU GOT OUT OF THERE ALIVE.

SO, STEPH,
IT'S NOT YOU. IT'S ME.

OKAY. GOOD, GOOD.

TELL HER YOU'RE NOT READY
FOR A RELATIONSHIP RIGHT NOW,

AND THEN BE PREPARED
TO DODGE A SLAP.

(chair scrapes floor)

STEPHANIE, THE ANDYMAN'S
A LONE WOLF.

IF YOU KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT WOLVES,

WE NEED TO ROAM FREE.

THIS WAS MY FAULT.

I PUSHED THINGS TOO FAST.

WHY DON'T WE JUST HANG OUT
AND HAVE LOTS OF SEX?

IS THAT AN OPTION?
(Jim) ANDY, IT'S A TRICK.

TELL HER IT'S OVER,
AND THEN JUST WALK AWAY.

STEPH, IT'S OVER,
AND JUST WALK AWAY.

WHAT DON'T YOU GET
ABOUT THAT?!

HERE'S THE THING, ANDY.

IT'S NOT OVER
UNTIL I SAY IT'S OVER.

UH, JIM, MAYDAY, MAYDAY.

AAH, AAH!

YOU'RE PART OF ME.

EVERY WORD YOU EVER SAID
PROVED IT.

BUT THOSE WEREN'T MY WORDS.
THEY WERE HIS.

HI.
JIM?

YEAH, IT... IT'S TRUE, STEPHANIE.
I TOLD HIM WHAT TO SAY

THROUGH THIS LITTLE MICROPHONE
HERE IN MY CUFF.

WHAT? YOU DIDN'T
FALL IN LOVE WITH ANDY.

YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH THE WORDS
I TOLD HIM TO SAY.

OH.

THEN I LOVE YOU.

WHAT?

OH, YEAH.
NO!

YOU'RE THE MAN
I FELL IN LOVE WITH.

WELL, THIS WORKS FOR ME,
AND WALK AWAY.

UHH!

AAH!

JIM.
NO.

COME ON.
NO!

HOW MANY MORE WAYS
CAN I APOLOGIZE?

LISTEN TO ME. THE FIRST RULE
OF DUMPIN' A PSYCHO

IS YOU NEVER
LEAVE A MAN BEHIND!

COME ON. THE IMPORTANT THING
IS YOU GOT RID OF HER.

EVERYTHING'S FINE.

OH.

STILL FRIENDS,
CHICK WHISPERER?

OH, SHUT UP.

HI, HONEY.
HEY.

LOOK, WE HAVE COMPANY.

OH, HI...
(gasps)

WELL, I'M OUTTA HERE.
I'LL BE IN MY PANIC ROOM.

STEPHANIE WAS NICE ENOUGH
TO COME OVER

AND INTRODUCE HERSELF TO ME,

AND THEN SHE INSISTED
ON DOING MY NAILS.

WELL, SHE DOESN'T
TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.

(laughs)

OH, WELL, I GOTTA RUN.
OH.

CHERYL, IT WAS GREAT
MEETING YOU. OH, YOU, TOO.

AND, JIM...
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

OH. NICE GIRL.

I'M NOT SURE IT'S GONNA WORK OUT
FOR HER AND ANDY, THOUGH.

NO, YEAH. I THINK THEY HIT
KIND OF A ROCKY PATCH,

BUT, YOU KNOW, THOSE KIDS
WILL WORK IT OUT.

YEAH. WE HAVE THOSE PATCHES
SOMETIMES, DON'T WE, HONEY?

YOU KNOW, WHILE... WHILE STEPHANIE
WAS GIVING ME MY MANICURE,

SHE TOLD ME
SHE'S IN LOVE WITH YOU.

WEIRD!

WHY... WHY WAS SHE GIVIN' YOU
A MANICURE?

OH, IT'S SWEET, ACTUALLY.

SHE WANTS ME TO LOOK PRETTY
NOW THAT I'M GONNA BE SINGLE.

YEAH. SHE SAID WITH MY LOOKS,

I SHOULDN'T HAVE ANY TROUBLE
LANDING ANOTHER MAN,

WHICH RIGHT NOW
IS PRETTY APPEALING!

AW, COME ON, CHERYL.

OH, COME ON, JIM,
WHAT DID YOU DO?!

NOTHING!
I DIDN'T DO A THING!

SHE JUST JUMPED ON ME
AND KISSED ME.

SHE KISSED YOU?!

ALL RIGHT.
THIS IS ONE OF THOSE TIMES

YOU GOTTA LET ME KNOW
HOW MUCH YOU KNOW.

OKAY. AHEM. I KNOW
THAT THE CHICK WHISPERER

SET MY BROTHER UP
WITH A PSYCHO,

AND NOW SHE'S IN LOVE
WITH YOU!

OKAY, YOU'RE UP TO SPEED.

LOOK, CHERYL, I-I-UH...

I-I GOTTA TELL YOU,
I-I TALKED TO HER, YOU KNOW?

SHE'S... I TOLD HER
I'M NOT INTERESTED.

WELL, APPARENTLY,
IT DIDN'T WORK.

WHAT CAN I DO?
HOW CAN I HELP IT?

I GOT THIS CHARISMA
GOIN' FOR ME ALL THE TIME.

JIM! THERE WAS A CRAZY WOMAN
IN OUR HOME!

HOW COULD YOU
LET HER INTO OUR LIFE?

WELL, WHY DID YOU LET HER
DO YOUR NAILS?

I WAS SCARED!

AND I HAVE A P.T.A. MEETING
TOMORROW.

OH, CHERYL.

LOOK, JIM, EITHER YOU GET
RID OF HER, OR I WILL.

OOH, CHICK FIGHT?

NO! AND EVEN IF THERE WERE,
I WOULDN'T LET YOU WATCH.

ALL RIGHT, CHERYL,
ALL RIGHT.

I'LL COME UP WITH SOMETHIN'.
OKAY.

I NEED TO PUT SOME STEW
IN MY BELLY,

AND... AND I'LL COME UP WITH
A PLAN. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

ON SECOND THOUGHT,
LET'S GO OUT TO DINNER.

GET THE KIDS.

OH, COME ON. LET ME
FIND ANOTHER GUY FOR YOU.

I'M REALLY GOOD AT IT. I'M KINDA
LIKE A DUDE WHISPERER.

HOW 'BOUT THAT GUY
RIGHT THERE?

HE LOOKS YOUNG AND STRONG.

THE BUSBOY?

THE BUSBOY WITH DREAMS.

HE COULD BE PRESIDENT ONE DAY

IF THERE WAS THE RIGHT WOMAN
TO INSPIRE HIM...

OR AT LEAST, YOU KNOW,

HEAD WAITER OR MAîTRE D'.

NOPE.

OH!
STILL YOU.

COME ON.

YOU WERE RIGHT.
HE'S GETTIN' NOWHERE.

MM-HMM.

YOUR NAILS HAVE NEVER LOOKED
BETTER, BY THE WAY.

OH, THANK YOU.

SO YOU READY
TO OUT-CRAZY THE CRAZY?

YEAH, BUT WHAT ABOUT JIM?
HE DOESN'T KNOW THE PLAN.

OH, HE'LL CATCH ON.
I'M GOIN' IN.

HEY, ON YOUR WAY,
CHECK OUT THAT BUSBOY.

ALREADY BEEN THERE.
YOU THINK I'M BLIND?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

STEPHANIE,
I WILL GIVE YOU $20 TO GO.

CASH.

HOW CAN I GO
WHEN WE'RE SOUL MATES?

CASH.
HI, STEPH... JIM.

CHERYL, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

YEAH.
HAS SHE PASSED THE TEST?

UH...

WE REJECT ALL THE NEW GIRLS
THREE TIMES.

IF THEY STAY,
THEN WE KNOW THEY'RE TRUE.

YOU HAVE SUCH PRETTY HAIR.

AHEM.

ALL RIGHT. YOU SEEM TO KNOW
WHERE YOU'RE GOIN' WITH THIS.

IS THIS THE NEW GIRL?

YEAH.
OH.

YOU WERE RIGHT,
WIFE NUMBER ONE.

SHE DOES HAVE PRETTY HAIR.

YEAH.

JIM ALWAYS CHOOSES SO WELL.
MM-HMM.

YES, I CHOOSE WELL.
YOU SEE, UH,

YOU SEE, I GO OUT AND I FIND
ATTRACTIVE WOMEN

AND I GIVE THEM SHIRTS.

AND MARRY THEM.

AND KEEP THEM
IN YOUR BASEMENT.

YES! THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I DO.

I MARRY 'EM AND I PUT 'EM
IN THE BASEMENT.

THAT'S WHAT I DO.

NUMBER TWO,

DO YOU HAVE HER UNIFORM?

YES. WELCOME, NUMBER 11.

NOW, NUMBER 11, HAVE YOU HAD
RED MEAT IN THE LAST 2 WEEKS?

YEAH, WHY?

OH.
OH.

WELL, UH, YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO BE CLEANSED.

(Cheryl) MM.

NUMBER TEN ISN'T
GONNA BE HAPPY ABOUT THAT.

(laughs)
HA!

DID SOMEONE SAY "CLEANSED"?

OKAY, THIS IS GETTING WEIRD.

WHAT... WHAT'S SO WEIRD
ABOUT ME AND MY SISTERS

BEING MARRIED TO JIM?

(Andy) PRETTY HAIR.

SO, UH, NUMBER 11,
WHAT DO YOU SAY? YOU IN?

AND WALK AWAY.

(All) YES!

YEAH! THERE YOU GO!

TRY IT AGAIN!
THERE YOU GO!

AH, WHOO! MAN,
WHAT A CREEPO! A CREEPO!

DRINKS ARE ON ME.

OH, GREAT. I'LL HAVE
THE USUAL... A COSMO.

NO SURPRISE THERE.