According to Jim (2001–2009): Season 5, Episode 6 - Anec-Dont's - full transcript

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"ENCYCLOPEDIA BROWN,
BOY DETECTIVE,

"THEN SAID,
'I KNOW WHO DID IT.'

"HOW DID ENCYCLOPEDIA KNOW?"

TURN TO THE SOLUTION PAGE,
DADDY.

I DON'T NEED TO, HONEY.
I ALREADY KNOW.

IT WAS WILFORD WIGGINS.

I MEAN, EVERYBODY ELSE'S
ALIBI WAS ROCK-SOLID.

I THINK BUGS MEANY DID IT.

I DON'T THINK SO, KYLE.

HE SAID HE WAS WATCHING TV,

BUT THE POWER WAS OUT
'CAUSE OF THE STORM.



DON'T FEEL BAD, HONEY.
EVEN THE BOOK GOT IT WRONG.

♪♪♪

AHH.

ANDY, I DON'T HEAR
A THING.

OH, THERE WE GO.

COME ON, GUYS.

OH, I'M SORRY,
I'M SORRY, MAN.

JUST PLEASE STAY
OUT OF MEDICAL BAG.

WELL, IT WAS RIGHT THERE,
YOU KNOW?

OKAY.
WHO'S GOT MY SPECULUM?

YOU MEAN MY METAL BIRD PUPPET?

CAW! CAW!

HELLO!

HEY.



WHO WANTS TO HEAR

ABOUT THE BEST TRIP
TO THE MARKET EVER?

I DO!

REMEMBER... REMEMBER HOW
I TOLD YOU THE FUJI APPLES

WERE GONNA BE INCREDIBLE
THIS YEAR

BECAUSE OF ALL THE RAINFALL
IN JAPAN?

DON'T TELL ME YOU HAVE
SOME OF THOSE APPLES

IN THAT BAG RIGHT NOW.
I DO! I DO.

I GOT THERE JUST AS THEY WERE
PUTTING THEM OUT.

ISN'T THAT LUCKY?

HA! LUCKY, HONEY,
OR GOOD SHOPPING?

OH. I GUESS
A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH.

YEAH.

I HOPE THERE'S ROOM
IN THE CRISPER!

OH, FINGERS CROSSED!

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

I MEAN, COME ON,
WERE YOU ACTUALLY LISTENING

TO ANYTHING
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

COME ON, SHE WENT TO THE MARKET.
I DON'T GIVE A CRAP.

LOOK, IT'S A HUSBAND'S DUTY

TO LISTEN TO THEIR WIFE,
WHATEVER THEY HAVE TO SAY,

EVEN IF IT'S A LITTLE BORING.

YOU KNOW, JIM, I'M TRYING.

I'VE REALLY BEEN TRYING HARD,
YOU KNOW?

BUT THEN, YOU KNOW, DANA COMES
HOME AT THE END OF THE DAY,

AND SHE STARTS YAMMERING
ABOUT HER DAY, RIGHT?

AND I TUNE HER OUT, AND THEN
SHE STARTS YELLING AT ME,

WHICH MEANS NO SEXY-SEXY.

OF COURSE NOT.
LISTENING IS THE FOREPLAY.

THERE IS NOTHING HARDER

THAN PRETENDING TO BE INTERESTED

IN YOUR WIFE'S
END-OF-THE-DAY STORIES.

WELL, THEN HELP ME OUT.
HOW DO YOU DO IT?

YOU GOTTA FIND SOMETHING
THAT'S EXTREMELY BORING

AND PAY ATTENTION TO IT.

HEY, ANDY, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING TONIGHT?

NOTHING. WHY?

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE RYAN OUT
FOR A DRINK,

TELL HIM ALL ABOUT
YOUR "STAR TREK" CONVENTION?

OH, HELL, YEAH.

DON'T YOU THINK I SHOULD WORK UP
TO SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

SINK OR SWIM.

OH, WHAT A DAY IT WAS,
OKAY?

WE'RE AT THE V.F.W. HALL
IN DECATUR.

MY FRIEND JEFFREY'S DRESSED
AS A ROMULAN.

I FEEL THIS TUG ON MY CAPE.
I'M THINKING...

AHEM.

OH, MY GOD!

I THOUGHT YOU WERE
IN THE KITCHEN.

YOU'RE LIKE A RABBIT.
YOU'RE ALL OVER THE PLACE.

I WAS UPSTAIRS
SHOWING THE APPLES TO THE KIDS.

OH, GREAT!

YEAH, YEAH.

THE BORING APPLES
THAT YOUR BORING WIFE

GOT AT THE BORING MARKET.

I'M GONNA GO CLEAN OUT
THAT CRISPER.

NO, YOU ARE NOT! HOW COULD
YOU SAY THAT ABOUT ME?

HOW COULD YOU EVEN HEAR ME?

HOW IS IT THAT EVERY TIME
THERE'S SOMETHING I SAY

THAT I DON'T WANT YOU
TO HEAR, YOU HEAR IT?

IT'S LIKE YOU GOT FBI EARS.
YOU WORK FOR THE FBI!

WELL, MAYBE IF I WORKED
FOR THE FBI,

I WOULDN'T BE SO BORING.

WELL, HONEY, OBVIOUSLY, IF YOU
HAD A GUN AND YOU FOUGHT CRIME,

YOU'D BE
A LITTLE MORE INTERESTING.

HONEY, I'M NOT SAYING
YOU'RE BORING.

WELL...

YOU'RE NOT, HONEY.

ALL I'M SAYING IS THAT
AT THE END OF THE DAY,

SOMETIMES YOUR STORIES
DON'T SING.

OH, I SEE, AND YOUR
END-OF-THE-DAY STORIES

ARE SO FASCINATING.

(deep voice) "HEY, I WENT
TO A LUMBERYARD TODAY."

(imitating Jim grunting)

I DO NOT TALK LIKE THAT,
CHERYL.

EVERYBODY KNOWS
THAT I AM INTERESTING.

I AM
A NATURAL-BORN STORYTELLER.

I AM A SHOWMAN.

OH!

A SHOWMAN.

I AM A SHOWMAN.
UH-HUH.

WHEREVER I GO, IT SEEMS LIKE
THE SPOTLIGHT FINDS ME.

YES, I AM A TELLER OF TALES,
IF YOU WILL.

I AM A RACONTEUR.

THIS IS GOOD.

WHERE DID YOU GET THESE?

HONEY, HONEY, I AM JUST
AN INTERESTING KIND OF GUY.

INTERESTING THINGS
HAPPEN TO ME.

WHY... (chuckles)

I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED
IF SOMETHING INTERESTING

DIDN'T HAPPEN TO ME
ON THE WAY TO THE KITCHEN.

I DIDN'T EVEN PLAN THAT
TO HAPPEN.

UHH! UHH!

(coughing)

UHH! UHH! UHH!

LOOK, I JUST SAVED A LIFE.

OH, MY GOD, CHERYL!

YOU ARE NOT GONNA BELIEVE
WHAT JUST HAPPENED. WHAT?

GUESS WHO WAS IN FRONT OF ME
AT THE COFFEE SHOP... OPRAH!

(gasps) NO WAY!

HA HA! IT GETS BETTER.

OPRAH FORGOT HER WALLET,
AND SHE WAS TOTALLY MORTIFIED,

BUT I CAME TO HER RESCUE.

I BOUGHT OPRAH COFFEE.

YOU BOUGHT COFFEE FOR OPRAH?

YES!

THAT'S LIKE
BUYING COFFEE FOR...

THERE'S NOBODY BIGGER
THAN OPRAH.

I KNOW! LOOK, SHE EVEN
AUTOGRAPHED MY CUP.

OH, MY GOD.

"THANKS A LATTE"?

OH, MY GOD!

I KNOW. SHE JUST CAME UP
WITH THAT ON THE SPOT.

IS THERE ANYTHING
OPRAH CAN'T DO?

THAT IS SUCH A GREAT STORY.

I KNOW.

WHAT DID YOU GUYS
TALK ABOUT?

MOSTLY ME,
AND THEN SHE HAD TO GO.

OH, I HAVE GOT
TO CALL RYAN.

OH, WAIT.
YOU HAVEN'T TOLD HIM YET?

NO, YOU'RE THE FIRST PERSON
I TOLD!

OKAY, DANA.
HMM?

I NEED YOUR OPRAH STORY.
WHAT?

YEAH, I NEED TO TELL JIM
IT HAPPENED TO ME.

NO WAY. THAT'S MY STORY.

SEE?

LOOK, NOW YOU HAVE
AN EVEN BETTER STORY

ABOUT HOW SOME CRAZY LADY
RUINED YOUR CELL PHONE.

COME ON. HEY, HEY, HEY, GIVE ME
THAT CUP. NO. YOU CAN'T HAVE IT.

WHY ARE YOU MAKING SUCH
A BIG DEAL OUT OF THIS?

BECAUSE JIM SAID
I WAS BORING.

WELL...

COME ON, COME ON, COME
ON. GIVE ME THAT CUP. BITE ME.

OH, HEY, HEY, HEY!
OH, OH!

HEY, HEY, HEY, OH, OH!

(both grunting)

OW! OKAY, LET GO,
LET GO, LET GO. AHH!

I THINK IT'S CLEAR THAT
I AM DESPERATE, BORING WOMAN.

YEAH.

AND I WANT THAT STORY,

AND IF I DON'T GET IT...

I'M GONNA TELL RYAN YOU NEVER
GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE.

TWO CREDITS SHORT.
WHO CARES?

RYAN LOVES ME
FOR WHO I AM.

BUT MOM DOESN'T.

THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S RIGHT.
I'LL TELL HER.

AND I'LL TELL HER THAT
YOU SPENT YOUR TUITION ON WEED.

BUT I DIDN'T.

OH, YEAH.

WHO'S SHE GONNA BELIEVE...
YOU OR A COLLEGE GRADUATE?

(groans)

THANKS A LATTE.

YOU SAW OPRAH IN A
COFFEE SHOP? YEAH.

THAT'S LIKE SEEING...

WELL, THERE'S NO ONE
BIGGER THAN OPRAH.

YEAH.

YEAH, AND THEN WE TALKED,
YOU KNOW, FOR LIKE AN HOUR.

YOU KNOW?

I RECOMMENDED SOME BOOKS,
YOU KNOW?

APPARENTLY,
I'M A LOT LIKE GAYLE.

REALLY? I DON'T REMEMBER
THAT PART OF THE STORY.

YEAH, WELL, YOUR MEMORY NEVER
REALLY RECOVERED FROM COLLEGE,

DID IT?

AND SHE'S OUT OF CASH.
YEAH.

I LOVE THAT PART.
THAT'S IRONY, MY FRIENDS.

I KNOW.

YOU KNOW, DANA, YOU GO INTO
THAT COFFEE SHOP EVERY DAY.

HOW COME NOTHING INTERESTING
EVER HAPPENS TO YOU?

OH, OH! HERE'S SOMETHING.

HERE'S SOMETHING INTERESTING.
I DIDN'T TELL YOU THIS.

MY CELL PHONE BROKE TODAY.

SO, CHERYL, DID YOU GUYS
TALK ABOUT STEDMAN AT ALL?

NO, NO.

YOU KNOW, I DON'T WANT TO
MONOPOLIZE THE CONVERSATION

WITH MY SILLY, LITTLE,
END-OF-THE-DAY STORIES.

SO, JIM, ANYTHING INTERESTING
HAPPEN TO YOU TODAY?

UH, YEAH.

REALLY? HOW DID
THE SPOTLIGHT FIND YOU?

OH! YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE
HOW LONG IT TOOK

TO GET TO
THE MARBLE WAREHOUSE.

HOW LONG?

WELL...

YOU KNOW, LIKE, UH,
LIKE AN HOUR AND A HALF.

IT'S ONLY 11 MILES.

WOW. OH, DARN IT.

I REALLY HAVE TO PEE,

BUT I DON'T WANNA MISS
THE BIG ENDING.

WHAT HAPPENED?

THERE WAS A LOT OF TRAFFIC.

WELL, I, UH, AHEM. I THINK
IT'S SAFE FOR YOU TO PEE NOW.

OH.

CHERYL WASTED ME
WITH THAT OPRAH STORY.

I'M THE INTERESTING ONE!

I GOTTA COME UP WITH SOMETHING
THAT'S GONNA TOP THAT.

JIM, COME ON, MAN.

THERE'S NO TOPPING OPRAH.

SHE DID A WHOLE SHOW
ON JEANS FOR EVERY FIGURE.

THERE'S A WAY,
THERE'S A WAY.

COME ON. A LOT OF EXCITING
THINGS HAPPEN AROUND HERE.

WHAT'S ON THE AGENDA
FOR TODAY?

WELL, PRETTY MUCH
YOU SITTIN' THERE,

ME SITTIN' HERE,
AND THEN LUNCH.

OH!

AND I MIGHT GO
JEANS SHOPPING.

OH, GREAT. HEY, CHERYL,

ANDY BOUGHT A PAIR OF JEANS
THAT GAVE HIM A TEARDROP ASS.

YEAH, THAT'S GONNA WORK.

WHY DON'T YOU
MAKE SOMETHING UP?

CHERYL WILL NEVER KNOW
THE DIFFERENCE.

THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
WHAT DO YOU GOT IN MIND?

OKAY, OKAY. UM...

WE'RE ON THE WAY
TO THE MARBLE WAREHOUSE.

OKAY.

UH, BUT THIS TIME,
THERE IS NO TRAFFIC.

NO, NO, NO, MAN.
THERE'S NO NOTHING.

ALL RIGHT.

WE GET UP THERE.

WE'RE THE ONLY TWO PEOPLE LEFT
ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH.

GREAT. UNTIL CHERYL REALIZES
SHE'S HERE, TOO.

SO IT WAS ONLY THEN

THAT I REALIZED
MY T-SHIRT WASN'T WHITE.

GUESS WHAT COLOR IT WAS.
EGGSHELL?

OH, MY GOD!
YOU'RE AMAZING!

THAT'S INCREDIBLE.

HEY, DOC.
YOU'VE BEEN TRAININ', HUH?

NOPE. DRINKIN'.

AH. THAT'LL HELP.

HEY, JIM.

HEY.

SO... ANYTHING INTERESTING
HAPPEN TO YOU TODAY?

NO, NOT REALLY.

NOTHING OPRAH INTERESTING.

OH, WELL, BABY,
MAYBE TOMORROW.

(breathing heavily)

OH, MY GOD! ANDY!

WHAT HAPPENED?

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

YES, THANKS TO THIS
BRAVE, BRAVE MAN.

THIS LION.

WHAT HAPPENED?

THIS HUMBLE, HUMBLE MAN
SAVED MY LIFE!

OH, COME ON.

SEE, WE HAD JUST GOTTEN BACK
FROM THE MARBLE WAREHOUSE.

YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'RE GETTING A LITTLE WEAK.

WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN?
I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

WE JUST GOT BACK FROM
THE MARBLE WAREHOUSE, RIGHT?

AND ANDY WENT INTO
THE SITE TRAILER TO TAKE A NAP,

AND, WELL, I WAS OUTSIDE,

AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN,
WHAT DID I SMELL? SMOKE.

(gasps)

AND WHERE THERE'S SMOKE,
THERE'S...

SMOKERS?

COME ON. RUBY?

WHAT WAS THE QUESTION?

FIRE!

(gasps) THERE WAS A FIRE?

YES! THERE WERE FLAMES
JUST BURNING

UP THE SIDE
OF THE SITE TRAILER.

AND THERE WAS SMOKE INSIDE,
AND I KNEW ANDY WAS THERE.

YOU RAN INTO
A BURNING BUILDING?

OH, I HAD TO. I HAD TO.
ANDY WAS PASSED OUT.

FROM THE LONG DRIVE
TO THE MARBLE WAREHOUSE.

SO I WENT IN THERE.

I WAS FIGHTING
THROUGH THE FLAMES, RIGHT?

AND THEN I PICKED HIM UP,

THREW HIM ON MY SHOULDER
AND I WALKED OUT.

YOU CARRIED HIM?

WELL, IT WAS THE ADRENALINE.

THAT'S A LOT
OF ADRENALINE.

WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU GET
THAT SUPERHUMAN STRENGTH

WHEN A LOVED ONE IS IN DANGER.

WHOA, LOOK OUT.
BURGERS ARE BURNING.

HEY.

SO, CHERYL, UH,

ANYTHING INTERESTING
HAPPEN TO YOU TODAY?

OH, UH...

I GUESS NOT.

MAYBE TOMORROW.

(inhaling and exhaling deeply)

I HEARD THAT.

COME ON. COUGH IT UP.
LET'S GO.

YOU'RE HOOKED ON THIS OXYGEN,
AREN'T YOU?

I'VE NEVER THOUGHT SO CLEARLY,
JIM.

I BOUGHT A WHOLE CASE.

I GOT 48 BOTTLES
UNDER THE TABLE.

YOU WANT ONE?

FIRST ONE'S FREE.

GIVE ME THAT.
PUT THAT DOWN.

YOU'RE CRAZY.

(telephone rings)

HELLO?

OH, HI, CHERYL.

OH, SO YOU'RE FIXING
A HERO SANDWICH FOR YOUR HERO.

WELL, THAT'S NICE, HONEY.

I LOOK FORWARD
TO COMING HOME TONIGHT

AND HAVING THAT HERO SANDWICH.
LUNCH?

SHE WANTS TO COME DOWN HERE

AND SHOW THE KIDS
THE FIRE DAMAGE.

WHAT DO I SAY?
WHAT DO I SAY?

MAKE SOMETHING UP!
YOU'RE THE SHOWMAN.

GIVE HER
A LITTLE RAZZLE-DAZZLE.

WELL, HONEY, UH...

WE'RE PRETTY BUSY.

OH, HONEY. COME ON.

RUBY WANTS TO TAKE PICTURES
FOR HER SCHOOL PAPER.

ALL RIGHT. SEE YOU IN A BIT.

SHE'S GONNA BE HERE
IN TEN MINUTES.

WE GOTTA COME UP
WITH SOMETHING QUICK. QUICK!

(panting)

(inhales and exhales deeply)

I GOT IT.
YOU AND I HIT THE ROAD,

AND WE START NEW LIVES
IN CANADA.

TAKE ANOTHER HIT.

(inhales deeply)

I GOT IT.
WE SET THE BUILDING ON FIRE.

BETTER.

HA HA! YEAH!

AH, LOOK AT THAT!

WHOO!

I LOVE FIRE.
LOOK AT THAT.

SO HYPNOTIZING.

I'M A PYRO FROM WAY BACK.

OH, YOU'VE DONE THIS
BEFORE?

UH, YEAH, BUT I'M NOT
SUPPOSED TO TALK ABOUT IT.

OKAY, LET'S CONTROL IT
OVER THERE A LITTLE BIT.

ALL RIGHT.

PUT A LITTLE OUT
OVER THERE.

ANDY!

WHAT THE HELL? I THOUGHT
YOU FILLED THAT THING UP.

I DID. I... THEN YOU THOUGHT
IT'D BE FUNNY

TO SURPRISE ME
IN THE PORT-A-JOHN.

OH, MY.

(both blowing)

MAN, LOOK AT THAT!

I'M RUNNING OUT OF BREATH.
I'M GONNA GET MY OXYGEN.

OXYGEN?!
WHERE'S THE OXYGEN?

INSIDE THE TRAILER
BEHIND THE BURNING WALL.

EVERYBODY OUT!
EVERYBODY, BACK UP!

GET AWAY
FROM THE BUILDING NOW!

OH! AAH! JIM! JIM, I'M STUCK!
MY FOOT'S STUCK!

HELP ME!

(grunting)

ALL RIGHT, HOLD ON, HOLD ON. OW!

WHERE'S THE KEY
ON THIS THING?

JIM!
HOLD ON, HOLD ON!

NO, SAVE YOURSELF!
I'LL TRY AND CHEW MY FOOT OFF!

GOOD IDEA! START CHEWIN'!

UHH!

JIM,
PUT YOUR SEAT BELT ON!

WHO PUT THIS HERE?
IT'S A SAFETY HAZARD!

I GOT YOU, ANDY. I
GOTCHA, I GOTCHA. MY FOOT!

DOWN, JIM, DOWN!

ANDY, HOLD ON, I GOTCHA!
GO, JIM, GO!

HOLD ON!

DRIVE, JIM,
DRIVE LIKE THE WIND! AAH!

(screaming)

(Jim) KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!
KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!

OH! OH!

KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!

WHAT CAN I SAY?

SPOTLIGHT ALWAYS SEEMS
TO FIND ME.

OKAY, SO I'M SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE

THAT THERE WAS A FIRE
AT YOUR SITE TRAILER

TWO DAYS IN A ROW?

LOOK, CHERYL...

FINE.

I WASN'T GONNA TELL YOU THIS.
I WAS TRYING TO PROTECT YOU.

BUT, YOU KNOW,
THIS BEING CHICAGO, AND...

ME BEING IN
THE CONSTRUCTION BUSINESS...

I GOT MOB TIES.

YOU'VE GOT TO BE
KIDDING ME.

I JUST CROSSED
THE WRONG GUYS, CHERYL.

HMM. WHAT GUYS, JIM?

YOU KNOW...

JOHNNY SACK AND HIS CREW.

JOHNNY SACK.

JIM...

I WATCHED "THE SOPRANOS"
WITH YOU!

FINE, CHERYL. FINE.

I WANTED TO TOP
YOUR OPRAH STORY.

I'M COMPETITIVE!
I'M A SHOWMAN!

I WANTED TO BEAT YOU SO BAD
THAT I ALMOST WIPED OUT

A REASONABLY SKILLED,
NON-UNION CONSTRUCTION CREW.

OH, JIM.

OH, JIM.

"OH, JIM."
DON'T DO "OH, JIM"!

THIS IS A NEW LOW,
EVEN FOR YOU.

YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY.

OPRAH AND I TALKED
ABOUT THIS.

WE DID.

WE TALKED ABOUT
HOW IMPORTANT IT IS

TO BE TRUTHFUL
WITH YOUR MATE.

TELL HIM, CHERYL.

TELL HIM IT WAS ME
WHO BOUGHT OPRAH COFFEE.

WHAT?!

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT.

(sighs) I NEED THE TRUTH.

HE'S DRINKING EVERY DAY
BECAUSE I'M BORING.

IT'S ALSO BECAUSE I LIKE IT.

YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS?
YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS?

SHE'S JEALOUS. YOU KNOW,
OPRAH SAID THIS WOULD HAPPEN.

OH! SHE STOLE MY ANECDOTE
BECAUSE YOU SAID SHE WAS BORING.

WELL, WELL, WELL!

OH, OH,
DON'T "WELL, WELL, WELL" ME!

YOU BLEW UP YOUR OFFICE!

YOU BLEW UP YOUR OFFICE?
THAT'S AWESOME.

YEAH.

ALL RIGHT.
NOW YOU ARE GONNA SIT DOWN

AND YOU ARE GONNA LISTEN TO
EVERY DETAIL OF MY OPRAH STORY.

OH, NO, NO, NO. LET'S LISTEN
ABOUT THE BURNING...

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
OKAY, SO LET ME SET THE SCENE.

I WAS WEARING MY FAVORITE PAIR
OF JEANS. YOU KNOW THE ONES.

YOU LIKE THOSE ONES.
I THINK OPRAH LIKED 'EM, TOO.

SHE WAS WEARING
A SLATE BLUE-GRAY SUIT.

OH, GREAT.

WHAT?

YOU'RE GONNA SIT THERE.
I'M GONNA SIT HERE.

AND WE'RE GONNA TALK
ABOUT OUR FEELINGS

FOR THE NEXT SIX HOURS.

LET'S JUST CUT TO THE CHASE,
OKAY, HONEY?

WE'RE BOTH BORING.

WE BOTH LIED.

WE'RE BOTH CRAZY.

CRAZY. YEAH.

CRAZY IN LOVE
WITH EACH OTHER.

WHAT?

WELL, WHY DO YOU THINK
IT'S SO IMPORTANT

NOT TO BE BORING?

HONEY, YOU KNOW WHY
I'M A SHOWMAN?

YOU LIKE THE ATTENTION.

YEAH. I DO.
I LOVE THE ATTENTION...

FROM YOU.

CHERYL, YOU KNOW, MOST PEOPLE
LIVE THEIR LIVES.

THEY TALK ABOUT THEIR KIDS,
AND THEY GO TO BED.

BUT YOU AND ME, WE GOT
A LITTLE MAGIC GOING HERE.

WE GOT ELECTRICITY.

(imitating
electricity crackling)

WE LIE.
WE BLOW THINGS UP.

ARE YOU SAYING...

YOU BLEW UP
YOUR SITE TRAILER FOR ME?

BABY, THAT WAS
A 30-FOOT FIREBALL OF LOVE.

OH!

THAT IS SO ROMANTIC.

I'M A SHOWMAN.