According to Jim (2001–2009): Season 5, Episode 20 - The Thin Green Line - full transcript

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it - foodval.com
---
(Jim laughs)

YOU KNOW, EVERY YEAR
I THINK THESE LEPRECHAUN SHOES

AREN'T GONNA BE FUNNY ANYMORE,
AND EVERY YEAR, I'M WRONG.

(both laugh)

YOU KNOW THE TWO OF YOU
LOOK STUPID, RIGHT?

THE TWO OF US...

OR THE THREE OF US?

I'M INVITED?

(Irish brogue) AYE, SIR!

OH, MAN. TONIGHT'S GONNA
TOTALLY ROCK!

(normal voice)
I LOVE ST. PATRICK'S DAY.



I MEAN,
IT IS THE GREATEST HOLIDAY.

I MEAN, IT'S A RELIGIOUS HOLIDAY
CENTERED AROUND BARS.

WHAT WAS JESUS THINKIN'?
COME ON!

AND YOU KNOW WHAT, RYAN?

YOU'RE NOT JUST GETTIN' HAMMERED
WITH A BUNCH OF IDIOTS.

YOU'RE GETTIN' HAMMERED
WITH THE GREEN MAN. (laughs)

YES. THE KING OF ALL ST.
PATRICK'S DAY REVELRY

AND HOOLIGAN EMERITUS.
YES.

WELL, I MUST ADMIT,
YOUR RENOWNED SHENANIGANS

ARE ONE OF THE REASONS I MARRIED
DANA. WELL, SHE WASN'T PREGNANT.

SO WE WERE WONDERIN'
WHY YOU MARRIED HER.

(laughs)

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. SO WHAT'S
THE GREEN MAN GOT PLANNED?

(Irish brogue)
PLANNED, YA SAY?



YE DON'T MAKE PLANS
ON ST. PATTY'S DAY.

(normal voice)
NO, SOMEWHERE AROUND MIDNIGHT

OR AFTER THE FIFTH PITCHER
OF BEER,

THE GREEN MAN INFUSES ME,
AND I GO OUT

AND I DELIGHT
THE PEOPLE OF CHICAGO.

THEN I HIDE IN THE BUSHES

TILL THE COPS ARE GONE
AND IT'S SAFE TO GO HOME.

(all laugh)

YOU WANT SOME MORE TEA,
REVEREND SHELTON?

OH, THANK YOU, NO, DANA.

SO, CHERYL,
WITH RUTH MIDFORD'S PASSING,

THERE'S NOW AN OPENING ON
OUR CHURCH ADVISORY COMMITTEE.

WELL, ISN'T THAT EXCITING?!

I MEAN...

EXCEPT FOR THE PART
ABOUT RUTH DYING.

SHE WAS SO SWEET.

YEAH, SHE WAS SWEET,
ALL RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, I ONCE WORE JEANS
TO A YOUTH SERVICE,

AND SHE CALLED ME A SLUT.

WELL, I WON'T ASK YOU
TO SPEAK AT HER MEMORIAL.

YOU KNOW, REVEREND,
I-I WOULD LOVE

TO BE CONSIDERED
FOR A SPOT ON THAT COMMITTEE.

I HAVE SUCH EXCITING IDEAS.

YOU KNOW, I REALLY, REALLY CARE
ABOUT THIS COMMUNITY.

YEAH, YOU ALSO GET A RESERVED
PARKING SPOT AT THE CHURCH.

I DO?
WELL, I DID NOT KNOW THAT.

SURE, YOU DID.
YOU SAID YOU REALLY W... OW.

NOW, CHERYL, I'VE ALREADY PLACED
YOUR NAME INTO NOMINATION...

OH!

AND, FRANKLY, BARRING ANY
LAST MINUTE CONTROVERSY,

I DON'T SEE ANY REASON WHY
YOU SHOULDN'T BE APPROVED.

WELL, THAT'S ONE GOOD THING

ABOUT BEING
A BORING SUBURBAN HOUSEWIFE...

I DON'T REALLY HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT CONTROVERSY. (laughs)

(humming Irish jig)

(gasps)

(both grunt)

YOU KNOW,
I-I THINK IT'S FASTER

TO GO OUT BACK
AND THROUGH THE ALLEY.

TRUST ME ON THIS.
I-IT'S BETTER.

♪♪♪

ALL RIGHT, GUYS, LOOK,

WE'RE GONNA BE DRINKIN'
FOR 12 HOURS STRAIGHT.

SO IT'S VERY IMPORTANT
TO LINE OUR STOMACHS WITH BREAD.

IT ABSORBS THE ALCOHOL,
AND GOD FORBID,

IF IT COMES UP LATER ON...

IT COMES OUT SOFT
AND EASY TO CLEAN UP.

YOU KNOW, I HEAR A LOT OF GUYS

ARE CELEBRATING
ST. PATRICK'S DAY THIS YEAR

WITH A QUIET DINNER AT HOME.

YEAH, THE NURSING HOME.

YOU KNOW, RYAN,

I-I DON'T KNOW IF I LIKE
THIS WHOLE IDEA

OF YOU GETTING
REALLY DRUNK TONIGHT.

PLEASE.

I DON'T THINK I NEED
YOUR PERMISSION, WOMAN.

(laughs)

(sighs)

I DO WHAT I WANT.

OH, GOD, PLEASE, PLEASE.

JIM, CAN... CAN I TALK TO YOU
FOR A MINUTE?

ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

RYAN, START EATIN' BREAD.
YOU WATCH HIM.

KEEP AN EYE ON HIM. I DON'T WANT
ANY ROOKIE MISTAKES.

(humming)

YOU'D BETTER WATCH IT, KID,

'CAUSE I GOT TWO WEEKS LEFT
TILL RETIREMENT.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I SAW IT IN A MOVIE.
I ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY IT.

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

MINE IS KHAN!

BUT IT'S REALLY HARD TO WORK
INTO A CONVERSATION.

HOW ABOUT THIS, HUH?
WOW.

HUH? MICHAEL FLATLEY,
EAT THIS!

YEAH, WOW, HONEY.

(Irish brogue) VERY FESTIVE,
WOULDN'T YOU SAY?

I KNOW. I CAN SEE
HOW EXCITED YOU ARE

ABOUT ST. PATRICK'S DAY. (normal voice) I
AM SO EXCITED, HONEY! I'M SO THRILLED!

AND I THINK
THAT IS JUST GREAT.

THANK YOU, BABY,
FOR YOUR SUPPORT.

BUT I WAS WONDERING IF... IF MAYBE
IT WOULDN'T BE A GOOD IDEA

TO PULL IT BACK
A LITTLE BIT THIS YEAR?

PULL IT BACK?
UH-HUH.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
COME ON, THIS IS MY HOLIDAY.

THE KIDS GET CHRISTMAS,
THE GAY GUYS GET HALLOWEEN,

THIS ONE'S MINE, BABY.

OKAY, WHAT DO I GET?

WHAT DO YOU... (chuckles)

HOW ABOUT "MY HUSBAND
BOUGHT ME A HOUSE" DAY?

OH, WAIT. I THINK THAT'S MORE
OF A YEAR-ROUND CELEBRATION,

ISN'T IT? OH, RIGHT.
YES, IT IS, HONEY.

HEY, HEY, HONEY,

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT I
JUST FOUND OUT? HMM?

I FOUND I'M UP FOR SPOT ON
THE CHURCH ADVISORY COMMITTEE.

GREAT! WHAT'S IT PAY?

WELL, UH, NOTHING.
IT'S VOLUNTEER.

OH, WELL, THAT'S GOOD, TOO.

YEAH, YEAH, HONEY,
IT'S GREAT,

AND... AND... AND YOU KNOW WHAT
WOULD REALLY HELP ME OUT? HMM?

IF... IF YOU AND... AND...
AND THE GREEN MAN

COULD STAY OUT OF TROUBLE.

(sighs)

DEFINE "TROUBLE."

THAT'S NOT TROUBLE.
THAT'S HIJINKS.

THAT'S EMBARRASSING.

CHERYL, NOW, COME ON.
YOU KNOW I CAN'T EMBARRASS YOU.

OH, I KNOW, I KNOW, HONEY, I
KNOW THIS SPEECH. MM-HMM.

YOU CAN'T EMBARRASS ME. ONLY
I CAN EMBARRASS ME. MM-HMM.

I CARE WAY TOO MUCH
ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK.

HOW DARE I TRY TO STOP YOU
FROM BEING WHO YOU ARE?

MM-HMM, AND ALSO, YOU KNOW
WHO I WAS WHEN YOU MARRIED ME.

I KNOW, I WAS GETTING TO THAT.
I HAD TO STOP TO TAKE A BREATH.

LOOK, HONEY...
HMM?

I MEAN...

CAN'T THE GREEN MAN
TAKE ONE YEAR OFF?

OH, CHERYL. (Irish brogue)
I AM THE GREEN MAN.

I AM CHICAGO'S DELIGHTFUL
FAVORITE LITTLE MASCOT.

(normal voice) COME ON,
I-I'M LIKE ROBIN HOOD.

INSTEAD OF HELPING THE POOR,

I MOW DIRTY WORDS
IN HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL FIELDS.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE LUCKY
YOU HAVEN'T BEEN ARRESTED.

(Irish brogue)
LUCKY...

OR MAGICAL?

OH!
(humming Irish jig)

WAIT A MINUTE. Y-YOU'RE REALLY
SERIOUS ABOUT THIS, AREN'T YA?

YES.

YOU REALLY DON'T WANT ME

TO HAVE FUN
ON ST. PATRICK'S DAY?

OH. (sighs)

THE DAY THAT WE REMEMBER
ST. PATRICK FOR...

WHATEVER IT IS HE DID?

JIM, THIS COMMITTEE
IS REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME.

HONEY, THE GREEN MAN
IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME.

IT'S... IT'S...
IT'S WHO I AM.

I KNOW, AND WHO YOU ARE
IS A PROBLEM

FOR THE PEOPLE
ON THE COMMITTEE.

I DON'T GIVE A HOITY-TOITY
WHAT THOSE PEOPLE

ON THE COMMITTEE THINK OF ME.
I DON'T CARE.

JIM, I DO.

WELL, SO WHAT?

SO I'M ASKING YOU
TO DO THIS...

NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT!

FOR ME.

FOR YOU.

FOR YOU.

FOR YOU!

FOR YOU.

FOR YOU!

FOR YOU!

FOR YOU. (laughs)

(sighs) FOR YOU.

OH, LOOK, ANOTHER DIET SODA
FOR NANCY O'FUNKILL.

THANK YOU. (sighs)

YOU MAY BE BORING, JIM,
BUT AT LEAST YOU'RE TRIM.

THANKS.

SERIOUSLY, JIM,
NO GREEN MAN?

THAT'S LIKE HALLOWEEN
WITHOUT GAY GUYS.

COME ON, I DON'T LIKE IT
ANY BETTER THAN YOU DO,

BUT I MADE A PROMISE TO CHERYL,
AND EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE

I GOTTA HONOR ONE
JUST TO KEEP HER GUESSIN'.

YEAH, JIM,
BUT THIS SUCKS.

I MEAN, WE LOOK FORWARD
TO THIS EVERY YEAR.

TONY EVEN SOLD HIS COUCH
FOR BAIL MONEY.

NOT MY COUCH. A COUCH.

COME ON. I DON'T HAVE TO
HAVE FUN TO HAVE A GOOD TIME,

AND YOU GUYS CAN DO
WHATEVER YOU WANNA DO.

WHOO!

I JUST PEED GREEN!
(laughs)

TODAY MY LIFE BEGINS.
WHY, THANK YOU.

I DON'T MIND IF I DO.

SEE THAT?
RYAN'S HAVIN' A GREAT TIME.

YEAH, BUT HE'S A ROOKIE.

HE'S NEVER EXPERIENCED
THE GREEN MAN.

AND ONCE YOU'VE GONE GREEN,
THERE'S NO IN BETWEEN.

OH, PLEASE.

COME ON, JIM, BE
THE GREEN MAN. NO.

COME ON. FOR US.

FOR YOU?

FOR YOU?

FOR YOU.

FOR YOU. FOR YOU?!

YES, FOR LOU!

FOR LOU!

LET'S HEAR IT FOR LOU!
WE'LL MISS YOU, LOU!

(groans)

(unzips pants)

(sighs)

(Irish brogue)
HELLO, THERE, JIMMY BOY!

OUT FOR A NIGHT OF MISCHIEF
AND DISRULE, ARE YA?

I DIDN'T REALLY FOLLOW THAT.

ARE YA GOIN' OUT TO GET
YOURSELF IN TROUBLE NOW?

OH, TROUBLE.
NO, NO, I CAN'T.

I PROMISED MY WIFE
THAT I WOULDN'T.

OOH, MAKIN' PROMISES
TO THE WIFE NOW, ARE YA?

WELL, SHE REALLY WANTS
TO GET ON THIS CHURCH COMMITTEE

REALLY BAD, YOU KNOW?

WITHOUT SINNERS,
THERE'D BE NO SAINTS.

HEY, THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.
DID ST. PAT SAY THAT?

NO, IT'S ON YOUR BUTTON
RIGHT THERE.

THIS IS YOUR CHURCH,

AND THOSE DRUNKEN IDIOTS
OUT THERE ARE YOUR PEOPLE.

LEAD THEM!

I DON'T KNOW. (sighs)

COME ON, JIM BOYLE...

DO IT FOR YOU.

FOR ME?

FOR YOU.

FOR ME.

FOR YOU!

FOR ME?

HOW MANY TIMES
DO I HAVE TO SAY "FOR YOU"?!

FOR ME!

FOR ME!

FOR ME!

GENTLEMEN,
THE GREEN MAN LIVES!

(cheering)

WHOO!
(laughter)

(humming Irish jig)

OH, MAN. JIM'S GONNA BE
SO MAD THAT HE MISSED THIS.

(all chanting)
GREEN MAN! GREEN MAN!

GREEN MAN! GREEN MAN! GREEN MAN!
GREEN MAN! GREEN MAN! GREEN MAN!

MOMMY, WE DON'T UNDERSTAND
ST. PATRICK'S DAY.

WE DON'T GET PRESENTS...
AND THERE'S NO CANDY.

WELL, YOU GET TO PINCH PEOPLE
WHO DON'T WEAR GREEN.

STUPID HOLIDAY!

GET HIM!

SO YOU REALLY TRUST JIM TO
STAY OUT OF TROUBLE TONIGHT?

OH, OF COURSE, I DO.

I TOLD HIM HOW MUCH
THIS COMMITTEE MEANS TO ME,

AND I ASKED HIM NICELY.

I'D BETTER CALL HIM.

YEAH.

NOBODY'S ANSWERING.

ACTUALLY, THAT MIGHT BE GOOD.

REMEMBER WHEN YOU CALLED,
AND THE BORDER PATROL ANSWERED?

YEAH, THE YEAR THE GREEN MAN
INVADED CANADA.

YEAH. THEY WERE
SO POLITE ABOUT IT.

(sighs)

OH, YOU KNOW,
I-I'M BEING SILLY.

I'M SURE EVERYTHING'S FINE.
I MEAN, RYAN'S WITH HIM.

YEAH, AND HE'S VERY
RESPONSIBLE. RIGHT.

(cell phone rings)

AH, HIS EARS MUST HAVE BEEN
BURNING. THAT'S RYAN.

HE IS SO SWEET
AND COMPLETELY WHIPPED.

(both laugh)

HI, SWEETIE.
OH.

KHAN!

WHOO!

(all yelling)
WHOO! WHOO! WHOO! WHOO!

Whoo!

CRAP ON A CRACKER.

YOUR HUSBAND
BROKE MY HUSBAND!

OH!

AND NOW FOR THE MAIN EVENT!
THE GREEN MAN...

(all chanting) GREEN MAN!
GREEN MAN! GREEN MAN!

VERSES THE LEPRE... KHANS!

(all chanting)
GREEN MAN! GREEN MAN!

ALL RIGHT, BOYS,
THE GAYS GET HALLOWEEN,

WE'VE GOT TONIGHT.

(Irish brogue)
COME ON, YA LITTLE PEOPLE!

AAH!

OOH! OHH!

OW!

(all grunting)

I'LL JUST BE ONE MINUTE.
I PRO...

HI. HI.

I JUST NEED TO GO IN AND TALK
TO MY HUSBAND FOR ONE SECOND.

I PROMISE I'LL BE RIGHT OUT.

SORRY, LADY.
WE'RE AT CAPACITY NOW.

YELL AT HIM
WHEN HE GETS HOME.

OH, OH, OKAY. COULD I JUST
RUN IN AND USE THE BATHROOM?

'CAUSE I'VE HAD, LIKE,
EIGHT CUPS OF GREEN TEA.

SO I'M KIND OF
AT CAPACITY, TOO. (laughs)

LOOK, IT'S ST. PATTY'S.

GO OUTSIDE
LIKE THE REST OF CHICAGO.

OH, UH, YOU KNOW,

I'M NOT REALLY A PEE IN
THE ALLEY KIND OF GIRL, SO...

I UNDERSTAND.
YOU WANT YOUR PRIVACY.

RIGHT.

WELL, DON'T WORRY.
THERE'S A DUMPSTER.

A DUMPSTER? I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW
I'M A MOTHER OF THREE.

OH, DAMN IT.

NOW YOU UPSET ME,
AND I PEED A LITTLE.

WHO'S GOT A CAMERA?

I WANT A PICTURE OF MY ASS
RIGHT NEXT TO HIS FACE.

(grunts)
(cheers)

OH!

OH!

COME ON! COME ON!

(Irish brogue)
ALL RIGHT, YOU LITTLE ONE.

COME ON.
GIVE ME YOUR BEST SHOT.

WISH GRANTED.

OOH!
(all groan)

(grunting)

COME ON, GUYS.
JIM NEEDS OUR HELP.

WHAT?
FIGHT.

AW, DAMN IT, ANDY!

(all grunting)

(Irish brogue)
THE GREEN MAN!

AAH!

MA'AM?

(Cheryl)
OH, OFFICER, THANK GOD.

HEY, DO YOU HAVE A WET NAP?

YEAH. ABOUT THAT...

COULD YOU COME OUT HERE
WITH YOUR HANDS

AND YOUR PANTS UP?

ARE YOU ARRESTING ME?

YES, I AM.

THEN I'M FINISHING.

HEY, YOU KNOW...

CAN YOU CUT ME A BREAK?
I MEAN, I'M A MOTHER.

OH, YOU ARE?
YEAH.

ME, TOO.

OH!
2 GIRLS, 5 AND 7.

OH.
YEAH.

THEY PEE INSIDE.

AHA!

(all yelling)

SCEPTER!

(laughs)

YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!
YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!

AAH!

LET'S ROB A BANK!

YES! YES!
(all cheering)

ROB A BANK!

WHOO-HOO!
YEAH!

WHOO! WHOO!

HEY, I'M NOT COOL
WITH ROBBIN' A BANK.

YOU KNOW WHAT? THERE ARE
TWO HOT DOG STANDS AND A ZOO

BETWEEN US AND THE BANK.
HE'LL NEVER MAKE IT.

OH, CHERYL, I CAN'T WAIT TO GET
THAT RESERVED PARKING SPOT.

THAT TREK ACROSS
THE PARKING LOT IS HELL.

"GREEN MAN TOPPLES STATUE
OF FRANK LLOYD WRIGHT.

DECLARES CITY FREE."

JIM!

HOW COULD YOU?

OH, CHERYL, IT COULD HAVE
BEEN A LOT WORSE.

I MEAN, WE'RE LUCKY WE DIDN'T
FIND A BANK TO ROB.

OH.

WE ENDED UP FEEDING
HOT DOGS TO A GIRAFFE.

HE DIDN'T LIKE IT AT FIRST,
BUT HE CAME AROUND.

CHERYL, COME ON.
LIGHTEN UP.

COME ON, I SEE YOU'RE UPSET.
CHERYL?

(scoffs)
COME ON, CHERYL.

CAN'T YOU LET THIS GO?

(scoffs)

(sighs)

FOR ME?

FOR YOU?

FOR ME.

FOR YOU.

FOR ME.

FOR YOU?!
NO, HEY!

FOR YOU?! FOR YOU?! FOR
YOU?! FOR YOU?! HEY! HEY! HEY!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
COME ON, WILL YA?

THANK YOU FOR WAITING.
WE'RE READY...

FOR YOU.

GOOD MORNING, CHERYL, JIM.

GOOD MORNING, REVEREND.

I'M AFRAID IT ISN'T, CHERYL.

WELL, YOU JUST SAID IT WAS...
I KNOW WHAT I SAID.

SHALL I READ BACK WHAT
YOU SAID FROM THE RECORD?

NO.

WORD HAS GOTTEN OUT
ABOUT LAST NIGHT,

AND FOR OBVIOUS REASONS,

WE HAVE TO REMOVE YOUR NAME
FROM CONSIDERATION.

COME ON, WHAT THE HELL KIND
OF CHURCH IS THIS? (Cheryl) JIM...

I MEAN, WAIT A MINUTE.
NO, HONEY. I MEAN,

YOU'RE GONNA REJECT
MY LOVELY WIFE

BECAUSE OF SOMETHING I DID?

I MEAN, WHAT IF THAT HAPPENED
TO ABE LINCOLN?

I MEAN, HIS WIFE WAS NUTS...

AND YOU PROBABLY ALL REMEMBER
THAT, HAVING VOTED FOR HIM.

YOU'RE OUT OF ORDER, SIR.

I'M OUT OF ORDER?
NO, YOU'RE OUT OF ORDER!

THIS WHOLE COURTROOM
IS OUT OF ORDER!

THANKS.
I ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY THAT.

JIM, IT ISN'T BECAUSE OF YOU
THAT CHERYL'S OFF THE COMMITTEE.

WE'VE RECEIVED WORD THAT
LAST NIGHT, CHERYL WAS ARRESTED.

WHAT?

YEAH, UM, IRONIC STORY.

UM, LAST NIGHT, I WENT OUT

TO TRY TO KEEP YOU
FROM GETTING INTO TROUBLE,

AND I... KINDA GOT ARRESTED
FOR PUBLIC URINATION.

(sighs)
WAY TO GO, BABY!

THE GREEN MAN
TAKES A BRIDE. (laughs)

HONEY, THAT IS ONE
OF THE HOTTEST THINGS

I THINK YOU'VE EVER DONE.

HOT OR NOT, THIS COMMITTEE
HAS NO PLACE ON IT

FOR A PERSON WHO WILL
DO THINGS OF THAT KIND.

WE HAVE A STANDARD OF CONDUCT

THAT YOUR WIFE
HAS NOT LIVED UP TO.

HEY, WAIT A SECOND.
YOU'RE KIDDING ME HERE, RIGHT?

I MEAN, SHE MADE ONE MISTAKE.

YOU'RE GONNA REJECT THE BEST
WOMAN IN THE ENTIRE CHURCH

FOR ONE MISTAKE?

YES, WE ARE.

WOW, THAT IS COLD, DUDE.

(Cheryl) OH, JIM, HONEY,

YOU KNOW WHAT?
HE'S... HE'S RIGHT.

I DID MAKE ONE MISTAKE,
BUT THAT MISTAKE

WASN'T SQUATTIN' BEHIND
THAT FILTHY DUMPSTER.

IT WAS PUTTING A SPOT
ON SOME STUPID COMMITTEE

OVER MY HUSBAND.

CHERYL, FIRST THE POLICE RECORD,
NOW YOU'RE SASSIN' THE REVEREND?

WE GOTTA STOP AT A MOTEL
ON THE WAY HOME.

OH. HONEY, OKAY, OKAY.
JUST ONE SEC. ONE SEC.

ONE... HI. LOOK, NONE OF US
ARE PERFECT PEOPLE,

OR WE WOULDN'T COME
TO CHURCH.

THAT'S RIGHT. NOW YOU CAN
EITHER REJECT US FOR WHO WE ARE,

OR YOU CAN DO THE RIGHT THING
AND ACCEPT US...

THE PEE LADY AND THE GREEN MAN,
FLAWS AND ALL.

AMEN!

YOU KNOW, CHERYL,

I'VE BEEN KICKED OUT
OF A LOT OF THINGS,

BUT NEVER A CHURCH.

OH, HONEY, I'M SORRY.

I SHOULD NEVER HAVE ASKED YOU
TO CHANGE WHO YOU ARE.

ON ST. PATRICK'S DAY,

YOU ARE THE GREEN MAN.

HONEY,
DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP OVER IT.

OH, WELL. NO, REALLY, I
SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU

TO CRAM IT WHEN YOU ASKED ME.

OH, THAT IS SO SWEET.