About a Boy (2014–2015): Season 2, Episode 17 - About a Babymoon - full transcript
When a fight leads Andy and Laurie to separate vacations, Will struggles to handle an out of control Andy in Las Vegas while Fiona works to patch Laurie and Andy's marriage. Meanwhile, Marcus tries to get his hands on a novel that he believes is the key to his relationship with Shea.
Laurie, Andy, fetus.
Thank you for joining
me here today
in this calm, meditative space.
I've gathered you here
because I think it's...
Can you stop playing
Bejeweled for ten seconds?
There's no... there's no
wrong way to meditate.
- She told me that.
- Give me your phone.
Well, there sort of is.
- Give me this.
- What? Don't take my phone.
- Give me this.
- I'm not 12 years old.
- You can't take it.
- Oh, oh, oh.
See, I think this is actually
going to be a really good time
to finalize the plans
for your babymoon
'cause I think the babymoon
is really going to ease
the considerable
tension that I feel
between the two of you.
Perhaps even eliminate it.
What... what ideas...
What plan have you come up with?
Have you decided?
We have. We're
having a staycation.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
We're going to ship the
kids off to my folks,
order some salads in, and
some spa treatments.
Salads?
And for 48 glorious hours,
that house will be ours again.
Well, that sounds
lovely, doesn't it?
Wha... what about
my plan though?
Because, look, you get
free buffet breakfast
in a superior room.
Okay, an expired Groupon
to the MGM Grand is
not a plan, Andy.
I'm not hauling my pregnant ass
up and down some Vegas casino.
Vegas! Vegas! Who said Vegas?
Honestly, the airport
is fogged in right now,
but flights are going
in about an hour.
We can go out of Oakland.
False alarm, Will. No
one's going to Vegas.
Andy and Laurie are having a
babymoon staycation, Will.
Stop making up words.
Andy, are you really
going to let Laurie
bully you out of
a trip to Vegas?
- Come on!
- It's not...
It's not bullying. It's just...
it's...
That's right, Andy.
No, it's not.
And you know what? We
just want to be alone
in our house.
Your house smells like
poop and feet and vomit.
I am a professional doula,
and I am currently doulaing,
- Oh really? Do you have a license?
- You can't institutionalize
- healing, Will.
- Oh, really? What's a doctor?
That's a different beast.
Andy, let me ask you something.
If you're not being bullied,
why don't you have a
say in any of this?
Very true. Why don't I ever
get a say in our vacations?
Let's see, um, do the words
"Bicycle trip through
Laos" ring a bell?
That was 12 years ago!
And we got on the news.
We got SARS!
The is the considerable tension
I was talking about eliminating.
Andy, I am putting my
swollen foot down.
- Staycation.
- House arrest.
Tension elimination.
You know what?
I got a foot too.
My foot is going to Vegas.
Okay, fine. Go to Vegas.
That's fine. I'm gonna be here
on my staycation with Fiona.
Thank you, Will.
In all my years... months,
as an unlicensed healer,
I've never been...
Hold on one second,
someone's talking.
You put the reservation
under Will Freeman,
and I'll take a double
bed by the elevator
per usual. Is this Stephanie?
Here we go.
♪ Well, maybe it's
the common curse ♪
♪ maybe things get bad
before they get worse ♪
♪ I don't want to
become someone ♪
♪ who can't live up to what
I already done, don't ♪
♪ here comes a comeback ♪
♪ the kid is back,
is back on track ♪
♪ and there goes my hero ♪
♪ he's the underdog, he's
coming out on top, and ♪
Our date is saved. I
found the knitting kit.
"Sharcus"?
It's our couples name.
You know, Shea plus Marcus...
Sharcus.
You know, I already did
most of the heavy lifting,
but I thought you
know, maybe we could
embroider some
flourishes together.
Sorry, Marcus. I
don't have time.
I have to read this book.
For school.
Great idea.
You know, I was gonna suggest
a couple of study sessions
but I didn't want things
to move too fast.
Uh, what's the subject?
Um, this isn't a school book.
Forget it. You
wouldn't understand.
"Wouldn't understand"?
I read above the 12th
grade reading level.
You know, I just
finished Ladies Of Loom:
A complete history of wool
and the women who shaped it.
And you know, it was actually...
It's not that kind of book.
It's about adult relationships.
You wouldn't be able to
handle it, so stop asking.
Come on, Julio, work the instep.
These feet are walking for two.
Ooooh, that's the sweet spot.
Laurie, may I share
something with you?
If it's about anything other
than this man's hands
on my feet, then no.
I mean, as your friend, I would
like to thank you for this
serene experience.
But as your doula, I
do feel a bit guilty
about taking Andy's place.
Shh!
You see, I do think
it should be Andy
experiencing the joys
of Julio's hands.
Andy hates massages.
He had a bad experience
falling asleep at the YMCA.
Come on, Julio, we're
not in an oil drought.
Slather it on.
All right, baby, I got the
whole itinerary planned out.
Day one: Poker, whiskey, steak.
Day two: Poker, whiskey, steak.
Am I missing anything?
- The Angry Rabbit.
- The Angry Rabbit?
Is that an awesome meal,
or a terrible strip club?
No, it is...
What are we doing? No,
we're not doing that.
All right, let's go grab
a couple of single malts
and hit the tables.
No.
What do you mean "no"?
No. I don't want to do that.
I mean, I just stared down a
Laurie so full of hormones
she bit the head off
her toothbrush.
I'm not gonna be
controlled anymore.
Not by her, and...
and not by you.
I don't control you. Come on.
- Yes, you do.
- Let's go.
Every single time we go to Vegas
we follow Will's plan.
We play Will's games, and
we drink Will's drinks.
Poker and whiskey
aren't Will's plan,
they're God's plan.
This time we're
following Andy's plan.
Hey, bartender, two
Kahlua Mudslides.
Extra whipped cream.
This is so sick.
I always dreamt about hanging
out in The Angry Rabbit.
It's where all the
masters hang out.
Magic Milton,
Astounding Amos,
Ichiro The Invisible.
Arigato.
- So cool!
- This place is not cool, dude.
The place is like Ocean's 0.
Oh, my God. Hey, psst.
If that's who I think
it is, we gotta say hi.
I prefer not to speak
to anyone, Andy.
Oh, my God. It's Andini.
And if anybody asks,
you are my assistant.
Oh, no one's going to ask, dude.
Excuse me. Hi. Sir, um,
sorry to bother you, but are
you Dennis The Deceiver?
I am what I am.
Or am I?
Just like in your show.
As a young illusionist,
I always dreamed about
going to your elite
College of Magic.
Oh, you're an alumnus?
Why didn't you say so?
Sit down, kid. Give him a drink.
No, I'm not. Not an alumnus.
I-I applied. I just
didn't get in.
Andy, who doesn't get
in to magic school?
A lot of people. It's
very competitive.
Competitive? It was
magic school, kid,
not Dartmouth.
We accepted anybody whose
tuition check cleared.
That's not true because
I actually got a
rejection letter.
My wife showed it to me.
I'll never forget the
feeling when I opened it.
We didn't have
rejection letters.
Oh, my God.
She faked it.
Laurie faked the letter.
She denied my dream
of pursuing the cape,
and she took it away,
just like she takes
everything away from me.
Buddy, maybe you'd feel better
anywhere else than here.
You okay, son?
No.
I'm better than okay.
Because Laurie's not gonna
control me anymore, Dennis.
I'm free.
Bartender, a round of
Mudslides for all free men!
I'm not a free man.
I'll take a scotch
in a to-go cup.
Oof. This book is so much
better than married life.
Andy's idea of erotic adventure
is sex with the TV off.
Laurie, I-I think you might
have missed the intent
of the babymoon.
What are you talking about? This is
the best staycation I've ever had.
Maybe for you, but do you
really think eyebrow sculpting
is Andy's idea of a good time?
Okay, maybe the staycation
is a little me-focused,
but so what?
I mean, I'm the one
having the damn baby.
Shh! It's the third trimester.
- Fetus has ears.
- If it's anything like
my other three children,
it's not listening.
I have to be stuck in
the office every day
while my idiot husband gets
to do whatever he wants
including faking his vasectomy.
Andy is a stay-at-home dad,
so maybe the idea of staying
home for the weekend
was like the idea of you staying
at the office all weekend.
And he is an idiot,
but he's your idiot.
And he does love you.
You're having a lovely new baby.
Crap.
Ladies and gentlemen,
mostly gentlemen,
I, for my next trick,
will make this bottle
of Tequila disappear.
Andy, come on. All right.
Let's say good-bye to Gandalf
and Dumbledore over
there and let's go.
We're leaving. Come on.
I'm not leaving. I'm not
going back to the hotel,
and I'm not going back
to San Francisco.
From now on, The Angry
Rabbit is my home.
Andy, you are literally
talking about
running away and
joining the circus.
- Come on, we're going.
- Andy is dead.
- Let's go.
- From now on, it's just Andini,
master of illusion.
Okay, Andini... Andini, let...
we're...
Andy.
Or am I?
Andy!
- Hello?
- Well, I've done it.
With a little skill and
a lot of compassion,
I've mended the rift
between Andy and Laurie.
And actually, we're coming
to Vegas to celebrate.
So I can't wait to hear what
Andy has to say about that.
Can you put him on? Where is he?
That is a surprisingly
complicated question
at the moment.
Is it?
Ah. Please remember to
tip your waitresses
and, uh, don't forget
to eat the veal.
Will?
- Andy!
- What?
What the hell, man?
I've been looking
everywhere for you.
Shh. Stop yelling.
Where were you all night?
That depends. Where
am I right now?
Outside our hotel.
Oh, no.
I did something bad.
I did something really bad.
You spent $10,000 on this?
It all happened so quick.
One second I'm having a
Mudslide with my hero,
next thing you know, I'm
buying his entire act.
Is that dried blood?
"Irishman's Bottomless
Whiskey Barrel."
"Permanent Siesta."
"The Hairy Greek."
This is all gonna need
some updating for 2015.
- What's in there?
- Dead rabbits.
I can't believe he lied to me.
His name was Dennis
The Deceiver.
$10,000 was our nest
egg for the new baby.
I mean, Laurie's
gonna murder me.
She's gonna murder me.
The only question is
how is she going to do it?
Because she's smart.
She'll make the whole thing
look like an accident.
Whatever you do, do not let
her take me on a boat.
This might not be a good time,
but I have a little
something to tell you.
Andy!
Do not admit anything.
I can fix this.
- How?
- I'll think of something,
all right?
- Andy.
- I'm sorry.
No, no, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Honey, I've been selfish
and totally unfair to you.
You have?
I've ignored your needs
and I've taken you for granted.
I want this babymoon to be
a new beginning for us.
We're in Vegas.
Let's renew our vows!
That's great.
- Will, I need help.
- Get in line, amigo.
All right, I can't
go into specifics,
but let's say there's something
I'm not allowed to see,
but if I don't see it, I
may lose my girlfriend.
Okay, I understood
absolutely none of that.
But you're in
Vegas, buddy, okay?
If it's not illegal, I say
go for it, all right?
All right. I'm gonna
read that book.
- Book?
- She's killing me, man.
She's being nice to you.
I know, and it's horrible.
The guilt is driving me insane.
I booked the chapel.
Why does your beard taste
like whipped cream?
'Cause I'm so sweet on you.
Okay, much as this place reeks
of sin and desperation,
and I am just talking
about the hallway,
it's so good that
Andy and Laurie
really did get together
for their babymoon.
Andy got hammered and spent
their entire nest egg
on magic tricks.
Are you trying to
get them divorced?
Shh! Will you shut up?
Listen to me, okay?
We can argue all day about
whose fault this is...
It's your fault.
I have a plan.
And I'd like your help.
- Oh, you need my help.
- Let's go.
Hey! You guys get the money?
Yeah. We might have
got a bit cocky.
In our defense though,
if we'd bet on black,
all your problems
would be solved,
and my friend, I'd
have a jacuzzi.
That's not helping.
I'm so screwed, you guys.
- I am so screwed.
- He is. He actually is.
Andrew,
from this day forward, I vow
to always listen to you.
And to trust you.
No more second-guessing, and
always expecting the worst.
No more belittling you.
I am going to appreciate you
for the amazing
husband, father, and...
Honey, last night
I got super drunk on Mudslides
and I spent our entire
baby's nest egg
on a storage locker full
of racist stage illusions.
And I love you.
With all the growth Laurie's
made this past weekend,
I think we could expect to
see a positive reaction.
- Honey?
- We should be wearing goggles.
Honey?
Honey?
Honey, please...
I deserve it.
This isn't all on me.
You're the one who
stole my destiny.
Oh, come on, Andy.
I wrote that magician
school rejection letter
because guess what, Andy?
You are a terrible magician.
Take that back!
12 years of marriage,
you have never guessed my card.
That's not true because
I guess your card
every single time.
Oh, you do?
2 of spades?
Oh. Oh, my gosh, Andy.
How did you know?
It's amazing! Do it again, Andy!
Do it again!
I'm gonna be sick. Oh, my God.
Looks like you took a big,
fat doula on this one.
Oh, you're the one that
brought him to Vegas.
Don't you dare blame Vegas.
Ever.
That's it! I can't take
this book anymore.
What's the matter, darling?
What... is this the book
you've been talking about?
Fire and Silk.
How much of that did you read?
Every filthy word.
If this smut is what adult
relationships are about,
then I'm not ready.
Sharcus is through.
Now it's just shh and arcus.
Well, that book isn't what adult
relationships are like, Marcus.
- It's not?
- No, of course not. It...
What?
Yeah, your mom is right, Marcus.
Uh, adult relationships
are all about,
- What?
- Communication.
Communication. They're
about communication.
That's what they're about.
That's right. And
good communication
requires trust and honesty.
You really care about
Shea, don't you?
- Yeah.
- And you want to be around
- for the new baby, right?
- What?
No, I mean, you know...
You need to have
a calm, open,
truthful conversation
where you talk,
and more importantly,
you listen.
Listening is so key, Fiona.
That's a great point.
Wait, um, I can't hear anything.
Wait. Am I going deaf?
Oh, you think we got
through to them?
Yeah, I think I got
through to them.
Now everything's
out in the open,
they can rebuild from a
place of honesty and...
That might be a
bit of a journey.
Ah, but they're already...
Yeah, maybe give it a week.
Maybe longer.
Shea, I really like
being your boyfriend.
But if this is the kind of
adult relationship you want,
then I'm not ready. And
frankly, if we're talking
about this stuff on page 148,
probably never gonna be ready.
I'm not ready either.
You're not?
No.
No, when you caught
me reading this,
I was so embarrassed.
So you... you don't want to
do the stuff in the book?
No, no. Gross. This
book is crazy.
Like what they did
in the gazebo?
I know! And... and when they
were kissing with their tongues?
Ugh. What is that, right?
You mean French kissing?
Uh, th... duh, you know.
The book is set in Portugal
so, you know, that's
why it threw me.
Yeah. It's set in Portugal.
You're weird, Marcus.
Yeah, but not like... Not
like "gazebo weird."
So this is just
temporary, right?
Just a little, you
know, bump in the road
before you're back with Laurie?
Dude, trust me. You're
not gonna notice
I'm here.
I might notice a little bit.
Well, come on.
Looked like so much less
stuff in the storage locker.
Dude, come on!
Thank you for joining
me here today
in this calm, meditative space.
I've gathered you here
because I think it's...
Can you stop playing
Bejeweled for ten seconds?
There's no... there's no
wrong way to meditate.
- She told me that.
- Give me your phone.
Well, there sort of is.
- Give me this.
- What? Don't take my phone.
- Give me this.
- I'm not 12 years old.
- You can't take it.
- Oh, oh, oh.
See, I think this is actually
going to be a really good time
to finalize the plans
for your babymoon
'cause I think the babymoon
is really going to ease
the considerable
tension that I feel
between the two of you.
Perhaps even eliminate it.
What... what ideas...
What plan have you come up with?
Have you decided?
We have. We're
having a staycation.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
We're going to ship the
kids off to my folks,
order some salads in, and
some spa treatments.
Salads?
And for 48 glorious hours,
that house will be ours again.
Well, that sounds
lovely, doesn't it?
Wha... what about
my plan though?
Because, look, you get
free buffet breakfast
in a superior room.
Okay, an expired Groupon
to the MGM Grand is
not a plan, Andy.
I'm not hauling my pregnant ass
up and down some Vegas casino.
Vegas! Vegas! Who said Vegas?
Honestly, the airport
is fogged in right now,
but flights are going
in about an hour.
We can go out of Oakland.
False alarm, Will. No
one's going to Vegas.
Andy and Laurie are having a
babymoon staycation, Will.
Stop making up words.
Andy, are you really
going to let Laurie
bully you out of
a trip to Vegas?
- Come on!
- It's not...
It's not bullying. It's just...
it's...
That's right, Andy.
No, it's not.
And you know what? We
just want to be alone
in our house.
Your house smells like
poop and feet and vomit.
I am a professional doula,
and I am currently doulaing,
- Oh really? Do you have a license?
- You can't institutionalize
- healing, Will.
- Oh, really? What's a doctor?
That's a different beast.
Andy, let me ask you something.
If you're not being bullied,
why don't you have a
say in any of this?
Very true. Why don't I ever
get a say in our vacations?
Let's see, um, do the words
"Bicycle trip through
Laos" ring a bell?
That was 12 years ago!
And we got on the news.
We got SARS!
The is the considerable tension
I was talking about eliminating.
Andy, I am putting my
swollen foot down.
- Staycation.
- House arrest.
Tension elimination.
You know what?
I got a foot too.
My foot is going to Vegas.
Okay, fine. Go to Vegas.
That's fine. I'm gonna be here
on my staycation with Fiona.
Thank you, Will.
In all my years... months,
as an unlicensed healer,
I've never been...
Hold on one second,
someone's talking.
You put the reservation
under Will Freeman,
and I'll take a double
bed by the elevator
per usual. Is this Stephanie?
Here we go.
♪ Well, maybe it's
the common curse ♪
♪ maybe things get bad
before they get worse ♪
♪ I don't want to
become someone ♪
♪ who can't live up to what
I already done, don't ♪
♪ here comes a comeback ♪
♪ the kid is back,
is back on track ♪
♪ and there goes my hero ♪
♪ he's the underdog, he's
coming out on top, and ♪
Our date is saved. I
found the knitting kit.
"Sharcus"?
It's our couples name.
You know, Shea plus Marcus...
Sharcus.
You know, I already did
most of the heavy lifting,
but I thought you
know, maybe we could
embroider some
flourishes together.
Sorry, Marcus. I
don't have time.
I have to read this book.
For school.
Great idea.
You know, I was gonna suggest
a couple of study sessions
but I didn't want things
to move too fast.
Uh, what's the subject?
Um, this isn't a school book.
Forget it. You
wouldn't understand.
"Wouldn't understand"?
I read above the 12th
grade reading level.
You know, I just
finished Ladies Of Loom:
A complete history of wool
and the women who shaped it.
And you know, it was actually...
It's not that kind of book.
It's about adult relationships.
You wouldn't be able to
handle it, so stop asking.
Come on, Julio, work the instep.
These feet are walking for two.
Ooooh, that's the sweet spot.
Laurie, may I share
something with you?
If it's about anything other
than this man's hands
on my feet, then no.
I mean, as your friend, I would
like to thank you for this
serene experience.
But as your doula, I
do feel a bit guilty
about taking Andy's place.
Shh!
You see, I do think
it should be Andy
experiencing the joys
of Julio's hands.
Andy hates massages.
He had a bad experience
falling asleep at the YMCA.
Come on, Julio, we're
not in an oil drought.
Slather it on.
All right, baby, I got the
whole itinerary planned out.
Day one: Poker, whiskey, steak.
Day two: Poker, whiskey, steak.
Am I missing anything?
- The Angry Rabbit.
- The Angry Rabbit?
Is that an awesome meal,
or a terrible strip club?
No, it is...
What are we doing? No,
we're not doing that.
All right, let's go grab
a couple of single malts
and hit the tables.
No.
What do you mean "no"?
No. I don't want to do that.
I mean, I just stared down a
Laurie so full of hormones
she bit the head off
her toothbrush.
I'm not gonna be
controlled anymore.
Not by her, and...
and not by you.
I don't control you. Come on.
- Yes, you do.
- Let's go.
Every single time we go to Vegas
we follow Will's plan.
We play Will's games, and
we drink Will's drinks.
Poker and whiskey
aren't Will's plan,
they're God's plan.
This time we're
following Andy's plan.
Hey, bartender, two
Kahlua Mudslides.
Extra whipped cream.
This is so sick.
I always dreamt about hanging
out in The Angry Rabbit.
It's where all the
masters hang out.
Magic Milton,
Astounding Amos,
Ichiro The Invisible.
Arigato.
- So cool!
- This place is not cool, dude.
The place is like Ocean's 0.
Oh, my God. Hey, psst.
If that's who I think
it is, we gotta say hi.
I prefer not to speak
to anyone, Andy.
Oh, my God. It's Andini.
And if anybody asks,
you are my assistant.
Oh, no one's going to ask, dude.
Excuse me. Hi. Sir, um,
sorry to bother you, but are
you Dennis The Deceiver?
I am what I am.
Or am I?
Just like in your show.
As a young illusionist,
I always dreamed about
going to your elite
College of Magic.
Oh, you're an alumnus?
Why didn't you say so?
Sit down, kid. Give him a drink.
No, I'm not. Not an alumnus.
I-I applied. I just
didn't get in.
Andy, who doesn't get
in to magic school?
A lot of people. It's
very competitive.
Competitive? It was
magic school, kid,
not Dartmouth.
We accepted anybody whose
tuition check cleared.
That's not true because
I actually got a
rejection letter.
My wife showed it to me.
I'll never forget the
feeling when I opened it.
We didn't have
rejection letters.
Oh, my God.
She faked it.
Laurie faked the letter.
She denied my dream
of pursuing the cape,
and she took it away,
just like she takes
everything away from me.
Buddy, maybe you'd feel better
anywhere else than here.
You okay, son?
No.
I'm better than okay.
Because Laurie's not gonna
control me anymore, Dennis.
I'm free.
Bartender, a round of
Mudslides for all free men!
I'm not a free man.
I'll take a scotch
in a to-go cup.
Oof. This book is so much
better than married life.
Andy's idea of erotic adventure
is sex with the TV off.
Laurie, I-I think you might
have missed the intent
of the babymoon.
What are you talking about? This is
the best staycation I've ever had.
Maybe for you, but do you
really think eyebrow sculpting
is Andy's idea of a good time?
Okay, maybe the staycation
is a little me-focused,
but so what?
I mean, I'm the one
having the damn baby.
Shh! It's the third trimester.
- Fetus has ears.
- If it's anything like
my other three children,
it's not listening.
I have to be stuck in
the office every day
while my idiot husband gets
to do whatever he wants
including faking his vasectomy.
Andy is a stay-at-home dad,
so maybe the idea of staying
home for the weekend
was like the idea of you staying
at the office all weekend.
And he is an idiot,
but he's your idiot.
And he does love you.
You're having a lovely new baby.
Crap.
Ladies and gentlemen,
mostly gentlemen,
I, for my next trick,
will make this bottle
of Tequila disappear.
Andy, come on. All right.
Let's say good-bye to Gandalf
and Dumbledore over
there and let's go.
We're leaving. Come on.
I'm not leaving. I'm not
going back to the hotel,
and I'm not going back
to San Francisco.
From now on, The Angry
Rabbit is my home.
Andy, you are literally
talking about
running away and
joining the circus.
- Come on, we're going.
- Andy is dead.
- Let's go.
- From now on, it's just Andini,
master of illusion.
Okay, Andini... Andini, let...
we're...
Andy.
Or am I?
Andy!
- Hello?
- Well, I've done it.
With a little skill and
a lot of compassion,
I've mended the rift
between Andy and Laurie.
And actually, we're coming
to Vegas to celebrate.
So I can't wait to hear what
Andy has to say about that.
Can you put him on? Where is he?
That is a surprisingly
complicated question
at the moment.
Is it?
Ah. Please remember to
tip your waitresses
and, uh, don't forget
to eat the veal.
Will?
- Andy!
- What?
What the hell, man?
I've been looking
everywhere for you.
Shh. Stop yelling.
Where were you all night?
That depends. Where
am I right now?
Outside our hotel.
Oh, no.
I did something bad.
I did something really bad.
You spent $10,000 on this?
It all happened so quick.
One second I'm having a
Mudslide with my hero,
next thing you know, I'm
buying his entire act.
Is that dried blood?
"Irishman's Bottomless
Whiskey Barrel."
"Permanent Siesta."
"The Hairy Greek."
This is all gonna need
some updating for 2015.
- What's in there?
- Dead rabbits.
I can't believe he lied to me.
His name was Dennis
The Deceiver.
$10,000 was our nest
egg for the new baby.
I mean, Laurie's
gonna murder me.
She's gonna murder me.
The only question is
how is she going to do it?
Because she's smart.
She'll make the whole thing
look like an accident.
Whatever you do, do not let
her take me on a boat.
This might not be a good time,
but I have a little
something to tell you.
Andy!
Do not admit anything.
I can fix this.
- How?
- I'll think of something,
all right?
- Andy.
- I'm sorry.
No, no, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Honey, I've been selfish
and totally unfair to you.
You have?
I've ignored your needs
and I've taken you for granted.
I want this babymoon to be
a new beginning for us.
We're in Vegas.
Let's renew our vows!
That's great.
- Will, I need help.
- Get in line, amigo.
All right, I can't
go into specifics,
but let's say there's something
I'm not allowed to see,
but if I don't see it, I
may lose my girlfriend.
Okay, I understood
absolutely none of that.
But you're in
Vegas, buddy, okay?
If it's not illegal, I say
go for it, all right?
All right. I'm gonna
read that book.
- Book?
- She's killing me, man.
She's being nice to you.
I know, and it's horrible.
The guilt is driving me insane.
I booked the chapel.
Why does your beard taste
like whipped cream?
'Cause I'm so sweet on you.
Okay, much as this place reeks
of sin and desperation,
and I am just talking
about the hallway,
it's so good that
Andy and Laurie
really did get together
for their babymoon.
Andy got hammered and spent
their entire nest egg
on magic tricks.
Are you trying to
get them divorced?
Shh! Will you shut up?
Listen to me, okay?
We can argue all day about
whose fault this is...
It's your fault.
I have a plan.
And I'd like your help.
- Oh, you need my help.
- Let's go.
Hey! You guys get the money?
Yeah. We might have
got a bit cocky.
In our defense though,
if we'd bet on black,
all your problems
would be solved,
and my friend, I'd
have a jacuzzi.
That's not helping.
I'm so screwed, you guys.
- I am so screwed.
- He is. He actually is.
Andrew,
from this day forward, I vow
to always listen to you.
And to trust you.
No more second-guessing, and
always expecting the worst.
No more belittling you.
I am going to appreciate you
for the amazing
husband, father, and...
Honey, last night
I got super drunk on Mudslides
and I spent our entire
baby's nest egg
on a storage locker full
of racist stage illusions.
And I love you.
With all the growth Laurie's
made this past weekend,
I think we could expect to
see a positive reaction.
- Honey?
- We should be wearing goggles.
Honey?
Honey?
Honey, please...
I deserve it.
This isn't all on me.
You're the one who
stole my destiny.
Oh, come on, Andy.
I wrote that magician
school rejection letter
because guess what, Andy?
You are a terrible magician.
Take that back!
12 years of marriage,
you have never guessed my card.
That's not true because
I guess your card
every single time.
Oh, you do?
2 of spades?
Oh. Oh, my gosh, Andy.
How did you know?
It's amazing! Do it again, Andy!
Do it again!
I'm gonna be sick. Oh, my God.
Looks like you took a big,
fat doula on this one.
Oh, you're the one that
brought him to Vegas.
Don't you dare blame Vegas.
Ever.
That's it! I can't take
this book anymore.
What's the matter, darling?
What... is this the book
you've been talking about?
Fire and Silk.
How much of that did you read?
Every filthy word.
If this smut is what adult
relationships are about,
then I'm not ready.
Sharcus is through.
Now it's just shh and arcus.
Well, that book isn't what adult
relationships are like, Marcus.
- It's not?
- No, of course not. It...
What?
Yeah, your mom is right, Marcus.
Uh, adult relationships
are all about,
- What?
- Communication.
Communication. They're
about communication.
That's what they're about.
That's right. And
good communication
requires trust and honesty.
You really care about
Shea, don't you?
- Yeah.
- And you want to be around
- for the new baby, right?
- What?
No, I mean, you know...
You need to have
a calm, open,
truthful conversation
where you talk,
and more importantly,
you listen.
Listening is so key, Fiona.
That's a great point.
Wait, um, I can't hear anything.
Wait. Am I going deaf?
Oh, you think we got
through to them?
Yeah, I think I got
through to them.
Now everything's
out in the open,
they can rebuild from a
place of honesty and...
That might be a
bit of a journey.
Ah, but they're already...
Yeah, maybe give it a week.
Maybe longer.
Shea, I really like
being your boyfriend.
But if this is the kind of
adult relationship you want,
then I'm not ready. And
frankly, if we're talking
about this stuff on page 148,
probably never gonna be ready.
I'm not ready either.
You're not?
No.
No, when you caught
me reading this,
I was so embarrassed.
So you... you don't want to
do the stuff in the book?
No, no. Gross. This
book is crazy.
Like what they did
in the gazebo?
I know! And... and when they
were kissing with their tongues?
Ugh. What is that, right?
You mean French kissing?
Uh, th... duh, you know.
The book is set in Portugal
so, you know, that's
why it threw me.
Yeah. It's set in Portugal.
You're weird, Marcus.
Yeah, but not like... Not
like "gazebo weird."
So this is just
temporary, right?
Just a little, you
know, bump in the road
before you're back with Laurie?
Dude, trust me. You're
not gonna notice
I'm here.
I might notice a little bit.
Well, come on.
Looked like so much less
stuff in the storage locker.
Dude, come on!