A Nero Wolfe Mystery (2001–2002): Season 2, Episode 13 - The Silent Speaker: Part 1 - full transcript

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The national industrial
association,

supporting agriculture,

industry,

and America's unparalleled
system of distribution.

At the.a., research,
innovation, engineering

and the free-market system
are the key ingredients

of our extraordinary prosperity.

Of our extraordinary prosperity.
S at the N.I.A.

In fighting to preserve the most
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and the American people.



It's an interesting fact
that the members of the n.i.a.

Have assets of illion.

Yes, yeah, another
interesting fact,

prehistoric mound builders left
more traces of their work...

oh, shut up.

Yes, sir.

Where does our
bank balance stand?

Ah, also an
interesting fact.

We should be okay
until next week.

But since you don't seem to be
too terribly concerned about...

shut up!

Yes, sir.

Get your notebook,
instructions for tomorrow.

(Archie)
It was a complicated plan,



but it showed just
how desperate he was.

(phone ringing)

I'm getting writer's
cramp from writing

all these checks.

Here.

Thank you.

Don't spend it
in one place.

What are you
doing here?

I'm busy!

Yeah, i know you're busy,
you're always busy.

I won't take up
all your time.

Whaell
do you want?

Fergus, what kind of
manner is that to speak

to this nice
young man?

Fergus... fergus?

Hello, my name is
Archie Goodwin.

Oh, my.

Archie Goodwin.

My husband talks about you
all the time, you're a rascal.

Oh... husband?

Ah!

All want, Goodwin?

Oh, yes, i, uh,
i just wanted to, uh...

get you to sign
this document here,

fergus, giving me

permission to look
at the hotel room there

at the astor where
boone got murdered.

To inspect it,
we

you heard what she said,
come on, help the young man.

He always this cranky?

Oh!

Yeah?

Now get outta here.

Scram!

Well, it was a real pleasure
meeting you there, mrs. Cramer.

Perhaps i could take you to
a cup of tea one day.

That would be
delightful.

All right,
Goodwin, scram.

Yes. S, yes.

(giggling)

The hurdles i had to make,
you might've thought

hattie harding was a temple
goddess, instead of merely

the assic relations

for the n.i.a.

Ah... well,
this is a pleasure.

Really, really a great,
great pleasure

to meettheArchie Goodwin
coming directly from

theNero Wolfe.

I mean, i suppose
you do come direct.

I mean...

on a beeline, miss harding,
as bees to the flower, bzzz!

Ah, and, umm, how can
i help you, mr. Goodwin?

Well, mr. Wolfe thinks that
he needs a list of n.i.a.

Members that were at
the banquet last tuesday.

So he sent me
to get it.

Ah, yes, uh...

why do?? T
we sit down?

Sure, sure.

Smells like industry.

N.i.a.

So mr. Goodwin, this really
is very, very interesting.

I'm just wondering,
what does mr. Wolfe

want the list for?

Well, i can only tell
you an honest lie.

He wants to get their...
their autographs.

(laughing)

Look, mr. Goodwin,
you do understand

that this affair is
of the highest degree

inconvenient for
my employers.

I mean, our guest for
the evening, our main speaker,

the director of the b.p.r.,
murdered right there

just as the dinner
was starting.

Our public relations
were set back ten years

in just ten seconds.

How do you know it
was ten seconds?

That's interesting.

That's not proven.

He was hit over the head four
times with a monkey wrench.

What are you doing?

Are you just
trying to see

how objectionable
you can possibly be?

No, no, miss harding,
i'm trying to demonstrate

what a murder
investigation can be like

'cause if you had made that
comment, that little remark

you just made,
to the police,

you would never
hear the end of it.

(sobbing)

I'm... i'm sorry.

I haven't slept for two
nights, and i am a wreck.

Yes.

Now i'm gonna have to ask
you to leave, all right?

You know very well
i can't give you

that list without
mr. Erskine's approval.

Who is mr. Erskine?

Mr. Erskine is the president
of the n.i.a., mr. Goodwin.

I'm sure you
know that.

Oh... yes.

Uh, mr. Goodwin?

There is one thing that
you can tell me, though.

Who exactly has
engaged mr. Wolfe?

In the same fix
who exactly has
engagedyou're in, miss harding.

See, i can't do anything
importthout getting

a clearance from
higher up as well.

Francie, you get me
mr. Erskine right now.

Right now!

(man)
So what are you
really after?

Who knows?

Mr. Wolfe asked me to come take
a look, so... i'm taking a look.

And who's Wolfe
working for?

Ah, well, there's never
any question about that.

First, last, and always,
Nero Wolfe.

You know, come to
think of it, so am i.

Very interesting.

Archie, what can
we do for you?

A request from mr. Wolfe:

He would likhere's an
ything

about the f.b.i. Angle
on the boone case that

would make it,
uh, undesirable

for a private detective
to have any interest.

(laughing)

(stammering)
The boone case?

Yes, yes, the cheney boone
murder case...

(laughing)

Well...

the f.b.i. Angle is that
mr. Boone was murdered

while working for
the government.

(laughing)

Putting that
aside, uh...

what would
mr. Wolfe's angle be?

It's not so much his
what his angle would be...

he went at me from
40 different directions.

I left half an hour later with
what i expected: Nothing.

The hooks are baited.

You must have been
uncommonly transparent.

Mr. Cramer has phoned,
mr. Wragg from the f.b.i.,

and mr. Rhode
from the astor.

Well!

Time for lunch.

(phone ringing)

I'll just be a moment.

Nero Wolfe's office,
Archie Goodwin speaking.

Miss hattie harding
calling mr. Nero Wolfe.

Put mr. Wolfe on, please.

Oh, well, nothing doing,
see, he's engaged with

a pork roast,
so i'll have to do.

This is quite irregular.

In the land of
the secretary,

"one moment" can mean anything
from ten seconds to ten minutes.

Good morning, mr. Goodwin.
Hattie harding here.

Mr. Erskine would
like to see mr. Wolfe.

How soon can
he be here?

Nothing doing, mr. Wolfe
seldom leaves the house

and never merely
on business.

I know that, but
this is mr. Erskine.

To you, he's all that.

To mr. Wolfe, he's
nothing but a pest.

Please hold.

Mr. Goodwin?

Yep, still here.

Older and wiser,
but still here.

Mr. Erskine will be
at mr. Wolfe's office

at 4:30 today.

Now listen here,
public relations.

If he comes at 4:30, he'll be
waiting an hour and a half.

Mr. Wolfe is up in the orchid
rooms from 4:00 to 6:00.

Nothing ever has or
ever will change it.

This is ridiculous!

Sure it is, and so is this
ring-around-the-rosy method

for one man communicating
with another,

but i stand for it.

(sighing)

Hold the wire.

(groaning)

Operation payroll...
is underway.

Mr. Frank erskine,

president of the national
industrial association,

with outriders, will be here
at ten minutes past 3:00.

Satisfactory, Archie.

Well...

this may be a waste of
time for you, mr. Wolfe.

Have you been
engaged by anyone

to investigate
the cheney boone murder?

Let me put it this way:
I have agreed to nothing,

and i have
accepted no fee.

And what opinions have
you formed about it?

Opinions from experts
cost money, mr. Erskine.

We'll pay you for it.

Ry reasonable amount.

It wouldn't be
worth even that,

unless i did some work,
and i don't like to work.

Excuse me,
mr. Erskine jr.?

Did you come here with
the notion of hiring me?

I would advise
against

you miging your money.

Why? Aren't you a very
good investigator?

Oh, i'm the best, but
the situation is obvious.

What you are
concerned about

is the reputation of
your association.

In the public mind,

the trial has already been
held and the verdict rendered.

Nine people out of ten are
confident that they already

know who killed
mr. Boone.

The n.i.a.

Outrageous!

Preposterous!

Certainly,
but there it is.

Now, i admit that it would be
worth almost any amount of money

to the association to have
the murderer exposed,

but i would tackle the job with
only the greatest reluctance.

Archie?

All right.

Go ahead, frank.

What else can we do?

Take out the check
and write it.

We're businessmen,
mr. Wolfe.

We understand you can't
guarantee anything.

Make it 30, frank.

When can you
get started?

Not right now.

It would be better for you
to return this evening at,

say... 9:00?

Say... 9:i can't break. Tment

it's out of
the question, 9:00.

Well, as you please,
mr. Winterhoff.

Archie, your notebook.

A telegram:

"You are invited to join

"a discussion of the boone
murder at the office

of Nero Wolfe
at 9:00 this evening."

Sign my name and send it
at once to inspector cramer,

mr. Wragg of the f.b.i.,
mr. Kates, miss Gunther,

mrs. Boone,
and mr. Dexter.

Will you gentlemen
be here?

Well, i guess
we have to.

We have no choice.

Gentlemen, shall we?

I am compelled to admit
that Wolfe had earned

my admiration.

Not for the obvious variation of
the old hard-to-get finesse,

but for his common sense.

He wanted to get a good
look at those people,

and he knew that they
couldn't afford to stay away.

Hello, i bet you
Archie Goodwin.

You came to see miss harding,
she told me all about you.

Aren't you
Archie Goodwin?

Yeah...

i thought so, see?

I came to see Nero Wolfe,
may i come in?

I'm don o'neill of
o'neill and warder.

I'm also a member of that
godforsaken conglomeration

of antiques, the n.i.a.

Just this way?

Well, sir?

I admire your office.

Thank you.

I'm assuming that's
not why you came here.

Oh, no.

(laughing)

I'm chairman of
the dinner committee,

so i'm in the middle
of this thing,

whether i like it or not.

This idea of spending n.i.a.
Money to investigate a murder,

it's just unrealistic,
and i told them so.

Admirable.

So you came for the purpose of
persuading me to call it off?

Oh, no.

(laughing)

I could see that
was hopeless.

You wouldn't do
that, would you?

No, i need the money,
why did you come here?

Well, the police think
that anyone connected

with the n.i.a.
Is a suspect.

So i came to ask you
if erskine hired you

to protect them byion elsewhere.

Erskine said no.

I also say no,
mr. O'neill.

But what if mr. Erskine
and i are both lying?

We're having a few people over
to discuss this this evening.

Why don't you join us
and keep an eye on us?

Oh, i'm coming.

I told erskine and
the others i'm coming.

Good, then we
won't keep you.

Archie?

(cramer)
Everyone in this
room has an alibi.

Phoebe Gunther, who isn't here,
was the last person to see boone

alive, when she delivered
the props for his speech,

including the monkey wrench that
was used to kill him.

Kates over there
discovered the body at 7:45.

Boone arrived late and went
straight to his room,

carrying a little leather case,
which he gave to miss Gunther.

(woman)
That's the case
miss Gunther says

she'd forgot and left on
the windowsill, but l...

miss Gunther is absolutely
wrong, because four people

saw her with that case as
she was leaving the reception.

It's amazing...

please, sir,
what was this case,

a vanity case?
A briefcase? What?

No, it was more like
a doctor's case,

but it contained cylinders
from a dictating machine.

Boone had bre cylinders
from washington for miss Gunther

to transcribe.

After she left boone,
she went to the reception room

with the case and left it
on the windowsill.

What was on the cylinders?
What? Letters? What?

Phoebe Gunther says she doesn't
know, and boone didn't tell her.

May i please
have a bourbon?

Oh, my...

did anyone see the case
in the reception room?

No, the head n.i.a. Man
from Washington

was the last
person in there.

By god, there it is!
It's always an n.i.a. Man.

(all talking)

Enough!

The constant reference
to the n.i.a. Is unfortunate,

gentlemen, but it
cannot be helped.

Mr. Boone had
many enemies.

You cannot deny that many of
them were members of the n.i.a.

But it isn't always
an enemy, mr. Wolfe.

Supposing he was full
of ambition to become

a director of b.p.r.

Which indeed he is
at the moment.

He conceivably
must've taken steps...

are you preferring
a charge, mr. Winterhoff?

Not at all, just
making a point.

And the others, the talk about
boone and his secretary,

Phoebe Gunther, has
been going on for months.

I wanna protest,
this is utterly despicable

and beyond the bounds
of common decency.

Keep out of this,
kates, sit down.

And shut up!

Surely, mr. Kates,
you're aware that

personal emotions,
such as jealousy, revenge,

can often result
in violence.

For example, was it true you
wanted to marry boone's niece

here and were aware
he was opposed to it?

What... you,
you big liar!

(sighing)

Mr. Wolfe, did
you invite us here

for a typical n.i.a.
Inquisition?

(cramer)
I'll tell you why you
were invited here.

He wanted to learn as much as
he could, as quick as he could,

without leaving his chair.

I don't know about
the rest of you,

but i was
a sucker to come.

Purley.

Coming, wragg?

Well, it's too bad ced it up lik
e that.

If we'd kept at
them for another, say,

two weeks, we might've
gotten somewhere.

It was not too bad.

A screaming success!
It was not too bad.

You're absolutely right.

Of all the guests, who do you
think was the most interesting?

The most interesting
was miss Gunther.

Yeah? Why?

Because she
didn't come.

Because she
go and bring her here.

You understand it's 20
minutes past 11:00 p.m.?

The streets are less
dangerous at night...

with the reduced traffic.

Huh, well, i'll
get my scooter.

It is not my custom
to make personal remarks

to young women during the first
five minutes after meeting them.

But when she opened the door,
the ceiling light

right above her was
shining on her hair.

And what popped out was...

golden bantam.

Yes, that's what
i dye it with.

Yes... yes, you do,
uh, i'm Archie Goodwin.

Yes, you are.

Let me take
your coat.

Sure.

You will give it back?

I don't know,
it depends on how you act.

Hat.

Yes, and scarf.

You know mr. Kates.

Oh, uh, hello.

Good evening.

Mr. Kates came here to
tell me what happened

at your party
is evening.

Will you have a drink?

Ah, no thank you.

So, did you come here is,

or was there
something else?

Listen, i don't mean to bust
in on you and mr. Kates here.

That's all right,
isn't it, al?

It's not okay with me.

As i've told you, he's
in the pay of the n.i.a.

So you did.

Since we know enough
not to trust him,

all we have to do is be
a little smarter than he is

and get more out of him
than he gets out of us.

You know, i have a theory
about mr. Kates.

What's that?

Thank you.

He must read
old-fashioned

novels because of
the way he talks.

I wouldn't suppose a research
man reads novels at all.

What would you suppose?

Well, i don't discuss
people who don't trust me.

And i don't
think you are.

Are what?

Smarter than me.

Prettier, yes.

Oh, you're much prettier,
but i doubt if you're smarter.

See, i was spelling champion
of zanesville, ohio, age 12.

Ooh!

Spell "snoop."

(laughing)

Well, you know, that's
just plain childish.

You can't be hinting that
chasing people who commit crimes

is work to be ashamed of,
since you're smart.

So if you...

okay, all right, you got
a poke in, made me blink.

Round one goes to you.

Round two: If you think
a b.p.r. Man did it and

you don't want him caught, then
stay as far away as possible

from Nero Wolfe.

If you think an n.i.a. Man
did it and you'd like to help,

why don't you get your coat
and come along to Nero Wolfe's

right now?
And you...

if you did it yourself
and you'd like to confess,

get it over with.

I told you, i told you,
see the way he lead to that?

Don't be silly, al.

In fact, let me
explain it to you.

Finding that i am
smarter than he is,

he decided to
pick on you.

He certainly got evidence
that you are a sap.

In fact, you
better get going.

No.

Leave him to me.

No, he'll go
on that way.

I heard you, al.

He's not
to be trusted.

Kates lost the argument,
of course,

and within minutes, the door
closed and miss Gunther was back

smiling at me.

All right, go ahead.

Teach me the multiplication
tables.

May i use your phone?

Should i ask who
you want to call?

Hmm... yes.

It's right over there.

I see, thanks.

(Wolfe)
Yes.

Mr. Wolfe, yes, it's Archie,
i'm here with miss Gunther.

I don't think it's a good
plan to bring her down there.

But that's not it...
she's what i've been

dreaming about
the last ten years.

I don't mean she's
beautiful.

That's merely
a matter of taste.

I only mean that she's exactly
what i've had in mind.

Therefore, i think it would
be better to let me handle her.

You go to bed,

and i will check back
with you in the morning.

Satisfactory, Archie.

All right, come on.

Come on where?

Don't be demure, you worked
hard trying to figure out

a way to get me down
to Nero Wolfe's office.

And you did a good job,
i'll give you round two.

By the way, i'm glad you
don't think i'm beautiful.

Nothing irritates a woman more
than to be thought beautiful.

No, i didn't say you weren't
beautiful, i only said...

i heard what you said.

It stabbed me
clear through

'cause it just happens
i do think i'm beautiful.

So do...

just in time,
i saw the corner

of her mouth moving
and bit it off.

If you think i was muffing
everything she threw my way,

i won't argue.

The hell of it was,
she was beautiful.

Here we are.

Wow.

May i take your coat?

Yes.

Thank you.

I'll be right back,
just make yourself at home.

Saffron.

It must be iranian.

Oh, it's impossible.

I can't get that.

Is she here?

If it's not iranian,
i don't want it.

Won't use it.

When i got to the hotel astor,
i found out that mr. Boone

had asked for privacy and
been taken to that room.

Mr. Erskine took me
there with the props.

And do you know
mr. Erskine well?

No, but naturally
i hate him.

I hate everybody
connected with the n.i.a.

Mmm, naturally,
go ahead.

I was there no more
than two minutes,

and as i was leaving, mr. Boone
handed me the leather case.

I went to the reception
room to get a drink,

and then i joined
the others in the ballroom.

I was eating my
fruit cocktail

when i remembered that
i had left the leather case

on the windowsill in
the reception room.

I went there to retrieve
it and it was gone.

Did you look
inside the case?

No.

Four people say that you
took the case with you

from the reception
room to the ballroom.

Well, do you believe them
or do you believe me?

What did mr. Boone
rely on you for?

To do what
he told me to.

Of course, but what
did he get from you?

Obedience, loyalty,
companionship, ecstasy?

Oh, for the lord's sake.

What he got was
first-class work.

I'm not saying that during
the two years that i worked

with mr. Boone, i was always
fresh out of ecstasy,

but i never took it
to the office with me.

Anyway, i was saving it all
up until i met mr. Goodwin.

Oh...

since the n.i.a. Is being blamed
for the murder of mr. Boone,

you must understand

that it is desirable from
the standpoint of the n.i.a.

That the murderer
be caught.

Yes, that's exactly
why i agreed to see you.

Then doesn't it follow that
you and the b.p.r. Would

prefer not to have
the murderer caught?

It's very logical, but
i don't feel that way.

Then why didn't you come
here and discuss it

earlier this evening?

Didn't feel like it.

But you came
with mr. Goodwin.

Mmm, certainly.

Any girl ho needed a rest would
go anywhere with mr. Goodwin.

'Cause she wouldn't
have to use her mind.

Anyway, mr. Wolfe, i didn't
intend to stay all night.

And what about my turn?

Very well, i agreed to answer
your questions, miss Gunther.

Who approached you
from the n.i.a.,

and what have
you agreed to do?

Mr. Erskine, winterhoff,
erskine jr., breslow,

and mr. O'neill.

They hired me to
catch the murderer.

No matter who
the murderer is?

Yes.

Have they tried
to persuade you

that the murderer is
not an n.i.a. Man?

No.

Do you think one of those
five murdered him?

No.

This is silly.

You say nothing
but yes and no.

I am answering
your questions, madam.

And so far, i haven't
told you a lie.

Go ahead.

Which no one could've
known was th

proves that the murder
was unpremeditated?

No.

But it might have
been unpremeditated?

Yes.

Has any n.i.a. Man
said anything to you

that indicated who took
the leather case?

No.

Or where it is now?

No.

Do you have any idea
who the murderer is?

No.

Ugh...

how do i know that a single
thing that yme

is the truth?

I'm under the same
handicap as you.

But i have nothing
to lie about.

Phooey.

Everybody has something
to lie about, go ahead.

No, will you show me
which way for a taxi?

I'll run you up, i gotta
return the car anyway.

Say, don't be aloof.

Once in a while,
i like the feel

of a man's arm,
that's all.

Okay, i'm a man.

So i suspected.

When this is all over,
i'd like to teach you

how to l or look
up words in the dictionary.

Thanks... when
this is all over.

Yes.

(Wolfe)
Do not communicate further

with miss Gunther
except on my order.

A woman who is not
a fool is dangerous.

In the morning, get saul
and fred here, good night.

Yeah, good night.

Saul, you'll take
the hotel astor,

and cover everything
and everybody.

L proceed
and cover everything
to the n.i.a. Officesyou'l

and start compiling
lists as instructed.

You'll report
directly to me.

Understand?

Yes, sir.

Is it really
as bad as that?

As bad as what?

You know darn well
what i'm talking about.

Giving saul and fred $50
to chase the dregs.

Where's
the genius in that?

Genius? What
us do?

1,000 people with
motive and opportunity.

Why the devil did i ever
let you persuade me to

get into this mess?

No, sir, you will not do that,
you don't blame this on me.

If you wanna admit
that you're licked,

write a check for $30,000 and
then dictate a letter to them

saying that due to the fact
that you caught the mumps...

shut up!

See, you don't have anything,
you don't have nothing.

Of course i do.

You do? What?

Something mr. O'neill
said yesterday.

Something very peculiar.

I didn't believe
a word of it.

I didn't believe
don o'neill said remembe
red everything

and believed it
less than ever.

Telegram, sir.

Thank you, Fritz.

"Circumstances make it

"impossible to continue
surveillance of o'neill,

"but believe it is
essential this be done.

"Can guarantee nothing.

Arthur breslow."

So perhaps you will be
good enough to tell me

what other arrangements you have
made for handling this case?

No, sir, not me.

You know nothing of this?

No.

Then get breslow
on the phone.

Breslow...

what telegram? I haven't
sent you any telegram.

You know nothing about
a telegram to me?

No, no, nothing
whatever, mr. Wolfe.

Then it's a mistake,
i suspected as much.

My apologies, sir,
for disturbing you.

M-may i inquire...

well, do we trace it,
or do we assume

whoever sent it knew,
about the phone booths?

Confound it, we can't
afford to ignore it.

You'd better get him
as soon as possible.

A little after 8:00
in the morning,

i sat in a taxi 50 paces north
of o'neill's apartment house.

At 10:00, i saw o'neill
emerging to the sidewalk.

All right, that's him.

Let's go.

With the thin traffic
on sunday,

it took some skill
to avoid discovery.

But it wasn't long
before o'neill's cab

stopped at the entrance
to the hotel astor.

O'neill hopped
out and started in.

You see that, ernie, i told
you he'd be hopping it.

Here, take this.

He gave no sign of suspecting
that anyone had an eye on him,

and where he finally wound up
was the main parcel room

on the lower level.

He handed in a ticket
and was given an object.

And even from
where i stood,

it be of interest.

Uptown.

E,
mr. O'neill. Uptown., hello ther

going uptown?
Give me a lift?

Goodwin, where'd
you come from?

No, i'm not actually
going uptown.

Make up your mind.

No problem, just thought
i'd ask you a few questions,

like what do you havere?

Uh, please head
to west 35th street.

It's not your cab, is thi
s, a hard touch?

Don't worry about it,
he's a friend, go ahead.

Just turn
north on fifth.

Hold on there, i just
thought we would save time

by going straight to
Nero Wolfe's office.

The address is
350 park avenue.

Don't like
the idea of your apartment.

See, if we get there,
i would have to pull out

my licto
the doorman, ask him to

make a call to
the 19th precinct.

It would cause quite
a hubbub there.

Don't even try it,
i'm younger than you,

faster, and you
won't get far.

Can we get going here?
Let's go.

West 35th.

Mr. O'neill, that tramping
back and forth is extremely

irritating.

I'm not answering
questions until i hear

what's on those cylinders.

Ah, go to hell.

If that's the best you can do,
you are a nincompoop.

When that machine gets here,
mr. Goodwin will carry you out

and set you
on the stoop.

And then he and i will
listen to the cylinders.

You wouldn't do that

on't,
mr. Goodwin will. Uldn't do thatw

damn you!
What do you want?

I wanna know where
you got those things.

All right, all right.

Last evening, i had
a phone call at home.

It was a woman,
she said her name

was dorothy unger, and
she worked for the b.p.r.

She said she had
sent me a flyer,

but had accidentally
enclosed a baggage claim tag

and would i return it
as soon as possible?

This morning i received
the envelope and the tag,

and, well, you know what i did
next because you arranged it!

It's preposterous.

Give the envelope
to mr. Goodwin.

No!

I'm gonna get some

real detective work done on
this envelope and not by you.

Then you won't hear what
the cylinders have to say.

Then you won't hear what
the cylinders have to i must!

I believe that those cylinders
contain confidential dictation

by cheney boone that may
have something to do with...

to do with his murder.

Boy, i'll tell you this.

The post office is getting more
and more careless every day.

Only one of the five
stamps is canceled.

(clearing throat)

Yes, Fritz?

The machine is
here, sir.

Take it easy.

Right over here.

Okay, now why don't you
explain how this thing works?

It's really
very simple.

The microphone
plugs in here.

It rests on this cradle,
that's your "record" switch.

The cylinder goes on
the drum, and that's it.

Thank you very much,
i think i've got it.

Now, Archie, if you'll get
mr. O'neill's hat and coat.

Ah, so you think you can
double-cross don'neill!

O assurance
ven n

you would be allowed
to hear anything.

Well, sir, do you prefer
to be self-propelled?

I'm not leaving
this room!

Archie.

Come along, come
along with Archie.

Oh, no!

That's too slow to hit anything
that isn't nailed down.

(shouting)

I'm... not... leaving!

I dislike commotion,
i didn't tell you to hit him.

He tried to kick me,
he did kick me!

Next time,
you do it.

All right,
start that machine.

It took more than an hour
to run off all six cylinders.

...press release
for march 25th...

there was nothing spectacular
anywhere in the lot,

and by the time
we'd finished,

i couldn't blame Wolfe
for being depressed.

The only item
worth mentioning was

that at least four of
the cylinders had been dictated

prior to the day
of the murder.

Had boone picked up the wrong
case when he left washington?

Oh, boy!

Take the cylinders
down to mr. Cramer,

and tell him
where we got them.

He will throw a fit.

No doubt.

Are you sure it's a good
idea trus

no, but i
wanna see her.

I'll be damned.

This could be something.

Obviously cramer
was desperate.

If he had any start
on the boone murder,

he would have cussed Wolfe
and me up one side

and down the other
for withholding evidence.

I'll be?? Mned.

When i left Cramer

for the far more
dangerous task of Phoebe,

he still didn't know that
the cylinders weren't

going to help.

Mr. Goodwin...

inspector cramer's
office called you?

No, why does he
wanna see me?

He wants you now
or he soon will.

I brought him those
cylinders you left

on the windowsill
tuesday evening.

Where'd you find those?

It's long story.

Do you know
what's on them?

Certainly,
very interesting.

Not very helpful,
since they were

dictated before tuesday.

That's impossible.

(doorbell)

Are you expecting
someone?

No.

(knocking)

(man)
Come on, Goodwin,
what the hell?

(sighing)

Come on!

Good afternoon,
miss Gunther.

Sergeant stebbins,
new york homicide.

My boss, inspector cramer,
would be much obliged

to let me drive you
downtown to his office.

He's got these
stenophone cylinders

down there he wants
you to look at.

You just get right to
the point, don't you, purley?

You still here?
I thought you was gone.

Nuts to you.

You know, miss Gunther,
you may do as you please.

Some people think that
when a city employee

shows up to ask them go
someplace that they have to go.

That's a fallacy.

They need a document,
which he does not have.

You know, mr. Goodwin,
you have a way of

suggesting things that
appeal to me, so you decide.

I'll go with you
to see mr. Wolfe,

or i'll go with this...
oversize sergeant.

Whichever you say.

Whereupon,
i made a mistake.

Yes... uh,
do you mind?

I, uh... i really appreciate
the confidence, which i deserve.

However, and i
hate to say this,

i do think
you should...

uh, accept inspector
cramer's invitation.

I wixplain later.

Uh, umm... see you.

Got a coat?

Stebbins arrived
at miss Gunther's

before i could
get her away,

and she likes him
better than she does me.

D
i made a mistake,
and she likes him
better than she does me. Y ha

but also i was lying
to the boss.

Why he must
serve fred and saul

breakfast in his room,
i do not know.

Miss Gunther is
not answering.

You should hang up.

Sacre bleu.

Merde.

(g)

After seven tries
throughout the day,

i was still
unable to find Phoebe.

After dinner, i failed
again to reach Phoebe,

so i stretched out on the couch,
trying to work out an attack

that would make
Wolfe explode into

some kind of action when
the doorbell rang.

(doorbell)

Uh, inspector cramer
and solomon dexter.

I don't understand it, Wolfe,
i don't understand at all.

I checked on you.

I cheked on you with
the f.b.i. And the army,

and they gave you
a clean bill.

Yet here you are,
tied in wit.,

the dirtiest bunch of thieves
and cutthroats in existence.

Stop shouting at me,
why are you shouting at me?

What does he want?
Does he want something?

Yeah, he thinks you fixed
it with that cylinder stunt

to make it look like the b.p.r.
Had the cylinders all the time

and wanted to plant
them on the n.i.a.

Phooey,
do you think so?

I do not, you would have
done a better job of it.

Yes, is there anything else,
mr. Dexter?

Yes, there was never
a dorothy unger

in the employ
of the b.p.r.

Good heavens,
of course there wasn't.

(both)
What do you mean,
"of course there isn't"?

I mean, it's obvious
there wouldn't be.

Whoever contrived that hocus-
pocus about the claim check.

Certainly dorothy unger
had to be invented.

And of course,
you would know.

Mr. Dexter,
that is nonsense.

You accuse me of being
tied up with miscreants.

I'm tied up with no one.

I'm engaged to
find a murderer.

Yeah, and how far
have you got?

You or you
yeah, and how far
wouldn't be here, would you?

Oh, yeah, yeah,
i didn't understand

why we were here the other
evening, why you just didn't

pick him out,
so i could take him in.

Neither did i, for one moment
i thought i might,

when one of them said something
extraordinary, but then...

yeah? Who said what?

I'm having
it looked into.

But then you broke it up
and you chased them all out.

Oh, oh, yeah,
i bitched it for you.

I really wanna square
it with you.

I'll do anything you say.

Anything, i'll get them
all in here right now.

It's an excellent idea,
excellent.

Do it.

Use mr. Goodwin's phone.

By god, you thought
i meant that?

I do mean it, yes.

You wouldn't be here
if you weren't desperate.

Who the hell does
this guy think he is?

(grumbling)

(Archie)
Stebbins?
Yeah, hold on.

Purley?

Yeah, chief, the commissioner's
got a cease-and-desist order.

Yeah, well, file that
under "c" for crap.

You want it or not?

No, you got a list of
the guests that were

here at Wolfe's
friday evening?

I'm sitting here
looking at it.

Well, get them to
come here immediately.

And include
Phoebe Gunther.

This is gonna cost you...

yeah, yeah,
i know, all right,

but if i lose my job, what's
the difference how i lose it?

Well, good luck.

Yeah.

It sounds like it
went pretty well.

No, not too good.

We're worse off
than we were before.

No fingerprints anywhere.

If boone picked up
the wrong case

for washington, t

then the right cylinders
should have been

in his office,
but they weren't.

There is one
other possibility.

Phoebe Gunther flew down there
the day after the murder

and returned
that afternoon.

She had a suitcase
with her.

She has no difficulty
explaining her movements?

Phoebe Gunther has no difficulty
explaining anything.

Don't mind if i do.

The commissioner's
got st. Vitus's dance.

The mayor's having nightmares,
and it's all my fault.

And by god, i sit
here beefing to you.

It's the same as before.

Miss Gunther apparently
does not like crowds,

especially a crowd
like this, right, purley?

I got miss Gunther
at her apartment

over an hour ago,
she said she'd be here.

Well, we won't wait,
go ahead.

Well... first,
you got the request

to come here from my office,
but in no way is this official.

I am not responsible
for getting you here,

so if you wanna
get up and leave,

that's totally up to you,
and you're free to go.

I know you probably
think this is improper,

that Nero Wolfe has been
engaged by the n.i.a.

What, what,
is something biting you?

(stammering)

What?

Come, i'll show you.

Look, i always check
the service gate,

and this is
what i found.

The light was dim,
but i could see

enough to tell
what the object was,

though not for certain
who it was.

Get a flashlight, Fritz.

You stay right here.

(cramer)
...Nero Wolfe has been
engaged by the n.i.a.

And on top of all that,
he's gonna be doing

a lot of running
around here

if we don't find out
where Phoebe Gunther is.

(Wolfe)
Now, the question which
confronts us is

whether it is credible...

mr. Cramer, if you will
go to the hall.

Mr. Goodwin has
a message for you,

and take mr. Stebbins
with you.

As i was saying, the question
is whether it is credible...

the working assumption
was that Phoebe

had come and mounted the stoop
and that the killer struck

beforel button,

knocking her off the stoop,
into the area way.

He then climbed down
and finished the job.

Yeah, she's cold, chief.

What's that, Fritz?
Put your light there.

Rght there.

A piece of
1?-inch iron pipe

had been found lying
next to Phoebe's body.

She had been hit on the head
with it four times.

(breslow)
This, this is outrageous!

We have all, all, answered
your questions for hours!

We have let ourselves
be searched,

and we have told you
everything you wanna know!

(all talking)

Shut up!

Come over here and
stand by this guy,

and if he doesn't shut
his trap, shut it for him!

And that goes
for everybody.

For six days i've been handling
you people as tender as babies

because i had to.

But now it's different.

One of you killed
that woman,

and it's a safe bet
the same person killed boone.

So here's what
i came to say.

The piece of pipe that was
used to kill miss Gunther

was old and flaky,
so it would've left

microscopic flakes on
hands and clothing.

So we're going to check
your hands and clothes

with a microscope,
whether you like it or not!

Take them out and get them
started, purley.

You heard the man.

Get up, get out.

Right across the hall
to the dining room.

Come on, come on,
it ain't no parade.

Come on, ladies,
let's go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah...
park in there.

Uh, Nero Wolfe's office,
Archie Goodwin speaking.

Is mr. Wragg there?

Yes, yes, he is.

Mr. Wragg,
telephone call for you.

Yes?

Yes, it's just like
we thought, sir.

Our men have just
finished their search

of miss Gunther's apartment
in washington.

Miss Gunther
was lying to us.

In a hatbox
in a closet,

they found five
stenophone cylinders.

Confound it, five.

Five, yeah, what's
wrong with five?

Apparently for
you, nothing.

For me, five is
no better than none.

Well, that's a damn shame,
i apologize.

Well, what
do you got?

This scarf was found in
the right-hand pocket

of that coat.

And on its surface are
between 15 and 20 particles,

came from
and on its surface are
between 1that pipe. Articles, h

yeah, whose
coat is it?

Alger kates, sir.

Get him in here.

Fine citizens, huh?

Were you a close friend
of miss Gunther's?

Not a close
personal friend, no.

I saw her frequently in
connection with our work.

Do you admire her?

Yes, as a colleague.

Considering miss Gunther's
striking

and her physicality,
she dressed extremely well.

Then you did notice
what she wore.

In that case,

when was the last time you
saw her wearing that scarf?

I never saw it before, on
miss Gunther or anyone else.

Mmm, that's
a disappointment.

Because clinging
to that scarf are

many tiny particles, which
were found on a piece of pipe

that was used to
murder miss Gunther.

Also, because
that scarf was

found in the pocket
of your overcoat.

Whose overcoat?

Archie?

Is this your overcoat?

Mr. Dexter!

Mr. Dexter,
come in here!

Cut that yelling out,
cut it out!

What do you
want dexter for?

I told him something
like this would happen.

I told Phoebe not to
come here tonight.

When did you tell her
not to come here tonight?

When?

Let go of me.

Let go.

So began
the great scarf hunt.

One after another, stebbins
marched our guests in

and asked them if they had
ever seen the scarf before.

First o'neill.

No.

Then erskine.

(sighing)

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
it won't hurt a bit.

Come on.

Then mrs. Boone.

No.

Your turn, sweetheart,
let's go.

Then nina.

No, not at all.

(Wolfe)
Are you sure of that?

Yes, sir.

I'll show you
back to the room.

Then erskine jr.

That? No.

Am i done?

Yes.

Thank you.

And the performance
was repeated four more

times before mr. Winterhoff
was led in.

Mr. Winterhoff,
please take a look.

Where did you
get that?

That's my scarf.

Did you wear it here tonight, or
did you have it in your pocket?

Neither, that's the one that
was stolen from me last week.

When and where
last week?

It was right here,
it was on...

it was...
it was friday.

At Wolfe's house?

That's right.

When you found it gone,
who did you complain to?

Well, i told, i told
my... i told my wife.

What are you
talking about?

Where did you
get that?

There is evidence,
good evidence,

thwrapped around

the pipe that killed
Phoebe Gunther.

Do you have
any comment?

I'll say i do,
that's absolute nonsense.

It's preposterous,
absolutely absurd.

You people are trying to frame
me, that's what's going on here.

Give me my scarf,
i want to go home!

That's my scarf,
and i want it back.

Erhoff had
things to say,
that's my scarf,
and i want it back.

But he was shooed out because
none of them seemed important.

(winterhoff)
This is outrageous!

When the door was closed,
cramer sat down

and pulled in a deep
breath... then let it out.

Oh, cheese and rice.

Winterhoff is
a damn liar.

Oh, for god's sake,
we're not after a liar.

Er
oh, for god's sake,
a murderer! Ter a liar. We're aft

well, it's 4:00 in
the morning,

and you're stuck,
i'm going to bed.

Oh, weare,
we'restuck.

I suppose the way you put
that, you're not stuck?

No, i'm not stuck.

Archie, see our guests
out, i'm going to bed.

Gentlemen, let's call
it a night here.

The nening, Fritz brought
down Wolfe's breakfast tray,

and there was a note
instructing me to get saul,

fred, and del bascom to report
to the office at 11:00.

I need to deploy 20 men,

but not at fred's rates,
not at saul's rates.

He had chased me out

and sent me to the kitchen
to help Fritz pluck chickens.

...like so, you pull, and
it takes out the feather.

When i came in for lunch,
Wolfe told me...

Archie.

I want any envelopes

from bascom's office
to reach me unopened.

Ha! Reports?
Big operations?

Yes, 20 men.

One of them may
be worth his salt.

You want me to
move into a hotel,

so i won't hear anything
unfit for my ears?

Archie, you've been with
me for a long time now.

Ye
you like to do this?

You want me to resign, or
would you like to fire me?

I want you to see how willing
you can make miss boone.

Make miss boone?

You think it can be done,
you do it.

I'm speaking of an
investigating operation.

I need to know how intimate
she was with miss Gunther.

Perhaps telephone
after lunch.

I see, well, how about
lunch at the tulip room,

say, tomorrow at 1:00?

Okay, i may be a little late,
i'm usually a little late.

Well, i should hope so.

You look like a perfectly
normal woman to me.

(laughing)

I'll see you tomorrow.

Okay, b'bye.

Tonight would
have been better.

My dear sir, you try getting
her to meet you anywhere,

even attiffany's
to try things on.

I was being entrusted with
nothing but the little chores.

For example i was asked,
for a second time,

to have the stenophone company
deliver a machine and leave it,

though it was
clear over my head,

since we had nothing
to play on it.

Erskine and company
showed up to try

and get from Wolfe
some kind of progress report.

For god's sake, when?
24 hours?

Give him hell, frank.

48?

Each day's delay means
untold damage to the n.i.a.

And therefore the most
vital interests

of the republic
and the American people!

You're breaking
my heart, pop.

Shut up!

(breslow)
We've decided to
offer a reward of

$100,000 to anyone
furnishing information

leading to the arrest and
trial of the murderer.

You wouldn't
expect conviction?

No, of course not.

Arrest and trial
will be enough.

Hmm...

so what would you
like to ask me?

Oh, no, no,
not yet, no.

My rule with a girl
is to spend

the first 15 minutes
discussing her looks.

And if i do that
properly, i will

have you in
a frame of mind

where i will be copying down
your social security number.

I like this.

Go on, drag
things out of me.

Are you sure? Yeah?

All right, but my technique,
it's a little unusual.

For instance,
there's probably 100 men

investigating your people,
trying to find out,

for example,
if you and erskine jr.

Are champing at
the bit, right?

Waiting to find out if
his wife will give him

a divorce.

Me, i'd like to settle it with
you, find out direct, right?

Are you?

Am i what?
Champing?

At the bit.

No, i'm champing
shrimps.

Yeah.

Did you know any of those
n.i.a. People personally?

Maybe a few.

But if we went over
every conversation,

we wouldn't find anything even
remotely resembling an angle.

Oh.

And what about
your aunt?

Did she have a lot of friends,
if you know what i mean?

Ask her.

Maybe that's what she
wants to see you about.

Do you accept
breslow's suggestion

that your aunt killed
her husband on account

of the jealousy for
Phoebe Gunther and later

finished the job
at Wolfe's house?

No, does anybody?

Well...

what about this?

Do you think
that Phoebe Gunther

would be trite enough
to have a baby?

Oh, good lord, you pick up
all the crumbs, don't you?

Did you like
Phoebe Gunther?

I envied her, i would've
liked to have her job.

But i wasn't foolish enough
to think that i could fill it.

Besides, she had
b.p.r. Fever.

B.p.r. Fever, huh?
Was it bad?

One of the most
severe cases on record.

She was actually more dangerous
to the n.i.a. Than my uncle.

Really? About
dexter or kates?

Kates? Good heavens.

Just look at him, he's
just an adding machine.

Ah, in a pig's eye,
no, he's sinister.

Alger kates,
sinister?

Mmm...

t
an old married frump. Mmm... jus

telephone for you,
mr. Goodwin.

Careful.

Excuse me a moment.

Archie, get down
here at once.

What for?

Without delay.

We were just about to leave t
o go to see mrs. Boone, now...

i said get
down here!

Confound it!

(muttering)

What the devil
took you so long?

It's insufferable.

Who is inspector ash?

Ash, you remember ash.

He was a captain
under cramer.

Now he's in
homicide in queens.

Is the car in
good condition?

Certainly, why?

I need a ride to
police headquarters.

Inspector cramer...

they've removed him from
the boone-Gunther case.

And ins place.

And he has served me with
a warrant for my arrest.

Cramer got booted?

Well, so says
mr. What's-his-name.

Who, h

confound it, must i repeat
this over and over again?

Inspector ash has
replaced mr. Cramer,

and now we must see
this moron, ash.

They say he's an idiot!

You're not a lawyer.

Nothing that's been
said to you by anyone

has the status of
a privileged conversation.

That remark
is childish.

And then refuse
to tell you on

the grounds that
it's privileged?

Phooey!

The problem
with you, Wolfe,

is that you were spoiled
by my predecessor.

He didn't know
how to handle you.

With me in charge, you're
gonna see a big difference.

Mr. Ash, you are both
a numskull and a hooligan.

So you're gonna
try it on me?

That will do for that.

Yes, sir,
i only wanted...

i don't give a damn
what you wanted.

It was your idea
Wolfe was holding out.

Now get on with it.

Yes, sir.

I only know that
in every case

where Wolfe's within
smelling distance of money,

he always manages to get
something that nobody else

can get, and then he hangs on to
it till it suits him to let go.

You might add then
when he does let go,

you might add then
disastrous for some lawbreaker.

Is that a reason to call

the tune for
the police department?

This babbling
is frivolous!

Was i hauled down here
to listen to a discussion

of my character?

You were hauled here
to tell us everything

you know about
these murders.

I wouldn't be surprised
if you know something

boone and
the Gunther woman.

Certainly i do.

And so do you.

He does not mean we have
the murderer down in the car.

You mean it
or you don't.

What do you
think you're doing?

If you're bluffing,
you're gonna eat it.

If not, for once in your life,
you're gonna be opened up.

Let me take him, sir.

Here in the office,
it might be embarrassing.

You hopeless imbecile.

This is farcical,
Archie, take me home.

(struggling)

Archie, telephone mr. Parker and
arrange for bail, immediately!

He stays right here.

Now, listen,
this is ridiculous.

We all want
the same thing...

am i under arrest?

Technically no,
but, well, yes.

If you want a word out of me,
you can vacate those warrants,

and get rid of this
fiend, he jars me!

And get ri'll take him,
fiend, he struck an officer.

I think you had better leave
this to the district attorney

and me.

It's your decision, sir.

I don't care what
he gets away with.

I only care about one thing,
getting this case solved!

Yes, sir.

Someday...

i'm gonna help you
lose some weight.

All right, you
got away with it.

Now, what do you know?

First, why was mr. Cramer
demoted and disgraced?

He wasn't.

Nonsense, whatever
you call it, why?

Officially,
for a change of scene.

Off the record,
he was muffing it.

He'd got his mind fixed on
one aspect of the case,

and that's all he could
think of or talk about,

that missing
sixth cylinder.

Mr. Cramer was
concentrating on that?

Yes, he had 50 men
looking for it,

and he wanted to
assign another 50.

And that was the reason
for you removing him?

Yes.

Ha! Then you are
an imbecile, too.

I didn't know mr. Cramer
had it in him to see that.

Finding that cylinder,
sir, if not our only chance,

is beyond all comparison,
our best one.

(laughing)

That's you
all right, Wolfe.

I suspected it was
only fireworks.

You said you'd
already got him.

I said that i know
something that gives me

a good, clear idea
of the murderer's

identity, and also that
you people know it, too.

You impervious bas

supposing you tell us what
gives you a good, clear idea

of who the murderer
is, including who!

No, sir.

Why not?

Because of your idiotic
treatment of mr. Cramer.

If you were to pass
my ideas on to mr. Ash,

he might, by pure chance,
do something that would

result in solving the case.

And i would stop short of
nothing to prevent that!

Help mr. Ash to a triumph?
God forbid!

How about this?

Do you think miss Gunther
knew who killed boone?

Certainly she did.

Naturally, you'd like that,
since it would eliminate

your clients.

You're missing
the whole point.

What has been the outstanding
fact about this case, sir?

This... that the public,

the people,

have unanimously convicted,
not an individual,

but an organization, the
national industrial association,

for the murder
of cheney boone.

Now, what if you
were miss Gunther,

and you knew
who killed boone?

Would she have
exposed him?

Of course not.

She was a zealot.

And she was
intelligent enough

to calculate that if
someone was arrested

for the murder of
cheney boone,

the resentment against
the n.i.a. Would end.

If she had evidence,
the sixth cylinder for example,

that pointed to someone,

anyone, she would suppress it,
but she would not destroy it

because she wouldn't
want the murderer to go free.

She would hide it where
it wouldn't be found,

but where she
could retrieve it

once the n.i.a. Had sustained
sufficient damage.

She was a remarkable
young woman.

But she made the mistake of
permitting the murderer to learn

that she knew who he was,
and she paid for that.

What makes you so damn
sure about this cylinder?

You got it in
your pocket?

No, if i had...

what if you're
selling a bill of goods?

I wouldn't call you
a bald-faced liar...

i don't say i'm not,
mr. Hombert.

We all take chances

when we exchange words
with other human beings.

So i might as
well go home.

Archie.

Are the chickens
in the oven yet?

No, sir, it
is too early.

You have a visitor
at the office.

Female.

I have ten
minutes, madam.

Naturally, you're
wondering why i'm here.

Naturally.

I phoned my cousin this morning,
he told me about you.

Do i know your cousin?

General carpenter.

He told me not to believe
anything you said,

but to do whatever
you told me to do.

You have eight
minutes left, madam.

I suggest if you
have anything

relevant to say
that you begin.

He also warned me that
you'd be incredibly rude.

I might as well come right
out and say that i think

i'm responsible for
the death of Phoebe Gunther.

That's an uncomfortable thought,
where did you get it?

That's what i wanna tell
you, but it seems silly

because you're working
for them, the n.i.a.

Archie, your notebook.

Take a letter, to the national
industrial association.

"Gentlemen, the course
events have taken

"obliges me to inform you that
it will be impossible for me

"to continue to
act on your behalf

"with regards to the murders
of mr. Boone and miss Gunther.

"I enclose herewith
my check for $30,000,

"returning the retainer
you have paid me,

with you in
this matter."

Do i draw the check?

Certainly, you can't enclose
it without drawing the check.

I am now neutral, madam, what
is it you wanted to tell me?

Miss Gunther knew
who killed my husband.

My husband had dictated
something on one

of those cylinders
that told about it,

and she had
the cylinder.

She intended to give
it to the police,

but she was waiting
until the rumors had done

as much damage as possible
to the n.i.a.

Why did she tell you?

Because i knew that she
wasn't telling the truth

about that leather case.

I knew she had it with her at
the table in the dining room.

She told me so i would

promise not to tell
the police about it.

Did she tell you who
the murderer was?

That's why i think i am
responsible for her death.

If i had broken my promise
and told the police about it,

she wouldn't
have been killed.

As you can see, i've
broken the law, too.

Well, that part
of it is all right.

Or it will be as soon as you
tell me and i tell the police

where miss Gunther
put that cylinder.

But i can't, i don't know,
she didn't tell me.

That's nonsense!
Of course she told you!

She did not, that's
the reason i'm here.

She told me that i didn't
need to worry about the man

who killed my husband
being punished.

But if the only evidence is
that missing cylinder, i, l...

so you can see why
i need your advice.

I regret, madam, that there's
nothing i can do for you.

You should go home

and tell the police
what you have told me.

I agree with you that if you
had broken your promise,

miss Gunther would
not have been killed,

but it was she who
asked for the promise.

So the responsibility
was hers.

Good afternoon, madam.

You purchased
the saffron?

Yes, but it
is spanish.

Where is it?
I shal

i'm not telling you.

Archie!

That letter and that check,
you better get that done.

What? To the n.i.a.?

Yes, ten minutes, ten
minutes and no longer.

Whoa, wyou're going to send t
hat check.

You cannot chill them
properly in less than 12.

Well, let me tell
you something.

That's not just being
eccentric, that's plain loony.

12!

What happened to
operation payroll?

Don't tell me you suddenly
got a scruple? You know what?

I regret to inform you we have
lost the checkbook.

Draw that check and
type that letter!

You know, Fritz, statistics
show that 422/3%

of all geniuses
eventually go crazy.

Sooner or later,
they lose it.

Archie, Archie, sit down.

Dr. Vollmer is going to be
paying us a visit later,

and you need instructions.

Well, that's a very
good thing, although

dr. Vollmer is
not a psychiatrist.

At least his mind was still

at least his mind was stillon
ing ento send for a doctor.

No, th

what's the ceiling on it?

I don't want any.

I should have
explained, doc...

do you want to pay

$2 a pound for butter?
50? for shoestrings?

$1 for a bottle of beer?

Well, confound it,
answer me!

I don't know if it's
the willies or what,

but as you can see...

just because i ask you to lend
me $5 until the beginning

mean that i'm a frugal person.

Who wrote this
script for him?

It's been like this sint him hom
e.

He's been out
of the house?

Archie tells me that you're
masquerading as a doctor, bah!

They'll take your
clothes off, too!

Oh, ye they'll examine
every inch of your skin.

They'll find the mark, the one
that entitles you to a discount.

The first thing we'll
need is a lot of nurses.

Nurses,
very good idea.

Nurses?
Phooey, nurses!

Many nurses.

Now you're talking.

Phooey, aren't
you a physician?

Don't you know a nervous
breakdown when you see one?

Yes, yes, i do.

Well, then what's
the matter with it?

Well, theit doesn't seem
the matter... typical.

That's a faulty
observation!

That's a defect
in your training!

Specifically, it's a persecution
complex, you idiot!

And who's been doing
the persecuting?

I feel it coming on again,
Archie, tell him, tell him!

Look, doc, it's serious,
the police are convinced

that mr. Wolfe knows
who killed cheney boone

and that he
won't let on.

Now, that's shocking.

Well, it gets worse,
here's the thing:

The n.i.a., they're
gonna be at the door.

The police are gonna
be at the door.

The press is gonna
be at the door.

They're all gonna be
there tomorrow, all of them.

If i could just have
a certificate that shows

that no one can see him,

and that it's best if he just
remains alone, not hospitalized,

but just here...

paper?

So how long does this
certificate have to last?

For a very long time.

Well then, before you
get the certificate,

i have to administer
some tests.

Aren't the symptoms,
uh, sufficient, uh...

just some tests to rule out any
sort of neurological problem

make sure
there's a dementia.

Okay? This is going to
be very easy, all right?

Just make it brief.

H."

Ahh...

ahh.

Ahh...

raise it up.

Ahh...

all right, this is
called an inkblot test.

There, now,
what do you see?

An eastern european
village where

east...

could you be
more specific?

Now it's changed,
it's a piece of veal now.

Veal?

Yes, a piece of veal.

How well cooked is it?

Medium.

Medium?

Yes.

That's well done,
wouldn't you say?

I don't know,
it's subjective!

Very good, all right.

Let me see what's
going on up here.

Bumps.

Bumps?

Looking for bumps.

What kind of bumps?

Phrenologic bumps.

You finished?

Not quite,
just hold that.

We're going to check
your "scoocher."

What do you mean?

No, don't.

Yes, we have to.

You're not
going to cut me!

They're coming in hordes,
i see them on chariots

with spiked wheels, waving
insulin banners of inflation!

Oh! Archie!

They're pelting me
with worthless coins!

Well, i think this
will be enough.

Archie!

Just make sure the certificate
is as strong as possible.

Certificate, yes.

It didn't get lonely
during the 2? days.

Thursday, friday,
and part of saturday,

the certificate worked.

(doorbell)

Get lost!

(doorbell)

Newspapermen, cops, the f.b.i.,
the n.i.a., they all appreciated

that i was holding the fort
under trying circumstances.

Throughout the siege,
Wolfe stayed put in his room.

This led to several disputes.

I say it's a handicap.

I still don't know one thing
about what you're up to.

That's nonsense,
of course you do.

You know all about it.

I have 20 men
looking for that cylinder.

It must be found,
and it will be.

I just prefer to stay
here in my room and wait.

Nuts...

what if it's
never found?

It will be found!

It has not
been destroyed.

It exists, therefore,
it will be found.

My chief reason for admitting
that Wolfe really meant

what he said
about the cylinder

was that we were paying $1-a-day
rent for the machine.

(phone ringing)

Yes, sir.

I wish to tion

with inspector cramer,
please arrange it.

Uh, no, sir, no matter
how bitter cramer might be,

he's still a cop.

And your voice
sounding natural

and making sense will tend
to cast doubt on doc vollmer's

certificate, don't
you realize that?

Then at least find out
where he can be reached.

When i dialed his home,
cramer answered himself.

(dial tone)

He kept the conversation
brief and to the point.

(doorbell)

Naturally,
the siege continued.

The n.i.a. Came,
all six of them.

(all shouting)

Throughout the years,
i've seen a lot of sore,

frantic people
in that office,

but this aggregation of
specimens was second to none.

(all shouting)

Ee fit to
inform them that you've

kept the cylinder hounds on
the job at your own expense.

It doesn't matter, they'll
learn it when the time comes.

The scientific name
for the disease you got

is acute malignant optimism.

Yeah, i am sorry Wolfe
collapsed under the strain,

and i'll tell inspector
ash to conduct himself

diplomatically when
he gets down there.

Uh, no, no, sorry,
it's doctor's orders.

No one is to see mr. Wolfe.
No one at all, all right?

Look, Goodwin...

not even insurance salesmen.

By dropping the n.i.a.
As his client,

it puts it beyond argument
that Wolfe knows the identity

of the murderer.

I want it,
and i want it now!

Oh, you want it?
You want it now?

You think he
knows the name...

you really think that, right?
Well, there's a lot of people

who think that and want that
information, but under no...

doc vollmer got
more of it than i did.

The police were pestering
him hourly about

the state of Wolfe's
health, but he enjoyed it.

I wanna talk to him.
You're bluffing.

(laughing)

At first, we visited
Wolfe's bedroom,

but when Wolfe started
to enjoy himself...

look, big, black
worms with dollar signs

crawling down the wall.

We got out of there.

I never did understand why
they didn't try quicker to

break it up.

By saturday noon,
all hell broke loose.

(phone ringing)

Nero Wolfe's office,
Archie Goodwin speaking.

I was alone in the office
when the phone rang,

and i was even more alone
when it was over and i hung up.

Oh, boy.

Ok, pagliaccio, you are
booked for the big time.

An eminent neurologist
named green,

hired by city of new york and
equipped with a court order,

will arrive here to
give you an audition

at quarter to six,
now what?

Why the devil did you
agree on an hour?

Because i had to!

They wanted to
make it right now!

Quit yelling at me!

Go downstairs,
i have to think.

Do you mean to tell me you
actually have not figured out

what to do?

Archie, get out of here.

How am i supposed
to put my mind on it

with you standing
there bellowing?

For the next two minutes,
from 12:30 to 12:32,

my state of mind was
really not fit to be recorded

for family viewing.

The hell of it was,
as i saw it,

we were being bombed out
of a position that no one

but a maniac would ever have
occupied in the first place.

(pounding on the door)

No admittance, this is a house
of mourning, now beat it!

Get Fritz and come
to the office at once.

Fritz!

I am a brainless booby.

Yes, sir.

So are you, Archie.

You know how important
that missing cylinder is,

and yet, by heaven, it hadn't
occurred to either of us

that miss Gunther was
alone here in this room

for a good four to five minutes
that first evening she was here.

Yes, sir,
so you think...

no, no, i am through
pretending to think.

Fritz, a young woman was in here
alone for four minutes.

Now, she had in her pocket
a black cylinder, 3 x 6 inches.

On the assumption that she hid
it in this room, find it.

Should we disections?

I don't care.

Well, just, uh,
start looking.

Confound that woman.

Mr. Wolfe?

Yes.

Is this it?

Ideal, ideal, yes.

She really was extraordinaryc
hine.

Fritz, i congratulate you.

You tried the bottom shelf
first, which was sensible.

What's the matter?
Won't it go?

Certainly
it will go.

Please, don't hurry me,
i'm nervous.

I have the brain
of a mollusk.

(man)
Miss Gunther, this is for
no one but you and me.

I have just had
a talk with henry a. Warder...

for five minutes,
neither of us moved a muscle.

...he claims that
his only purpose is

to acquaint me with the facts,
so that i can put a stop to it

by getting

when it came to the end,

i reached and turned
the switch off.

You have mr. Cramer's
phone number?

Yes, sir.

Good, get him.

For example,
"dead men tell no tales."

Mr. Boone is dead.

Mr. Boone is silent...

but he speaks.

The silent speaker.

(man)
Precinct.

Inspector cramer, please.

By 4:00 our guests
were seated.

Inspector cramer was
in the red leather chair.

In chairs nearby were our
former client, don o'neill.

Saul panzer was
by the globe.

O'neill's vice president,
henry a. Warder,

and alger kates from
the bureau of price regulation.

This is going to be

disagreeable, gentlemen,
for all three of you.

So let's make it
as brief as we can.

We have found
the sixth cylinder.

It was hidden in this room
by miss Gunther last week.

We shall now listen
to that cylinder.

I beg you,
do not interrupt.

Archie, turn it on.

(man)
Miss Gunther, this is for
no one but you and me.

I have just had a talk with
henry a. Warder, vice president

of o'neill and warder,
and he told me...

of o'neill and warder,
and he told me...!

Nothing stirring,
you sit down, eh?

That was under
a pledge of confidence.

Can it!

Go ahead, Goodwin.

Warder has known

for several months that
the president of his company,

don o'neill, has spent at least
$16,000 bribing a member

of the b.p.r. Staff.

Warder strongly disapproves of
bribery, and he claims that

his only purpose is to
acquaint me with the facts,

so that i can put a stop
to it by getting rid of

rrupted subordinate.
So that i can put a stop
to it by getting rid ofe co

now, this will be a surprise
to you, i know it was to me.

The man o'neill has bought
is alger kates

for a miserable $16,000.

I don't thch being betraye
d

for something up
in the millions,

but for $16,000?

If i were to face
kates right now,

i think i'd get my fingers
around his throat

and choke him to death!

(Wolfe)
What about it,
mr. Kates?

When you enterom,
and mr. Boone found himself

face-to-face with you,

did he get his fingers
around your throat?

No.

You just stay
out of this, kates.

Just keep your
mouth shut.

Oh, that's marvelous,
mr. O'neill.

It really is,
almost verbatim.

That first evening
that you were here,

you admonished him
in the same manner,

like an employer
to an employee,

as indeed it was.

I had 20 men working
on the connection

between the two of you.

The police were
utterly incompetent.

They should have found that
piece of pipe in a few hours.

Foe,
listen to him, he's sore.

He's a fool,
he's a contemptible fool.

For god sakes, man.

I didn't think you
were capable of murder.

Neither did i.

She wouldn't even promise
to destroy that cylinder.

She wouldn't
even promise!

I should've killed
you at the same time.

I could've,
you were afraid of me.

You're afraid
of me now.

You say that you're...

you're surprised that
i'm gonna commit murder.

You knew all
about it!

Take it easy.

How did he know
all about it?

I im.

That's a lie!

Shut up.

When did you
tell him?

Mr. Cramer, isn't
this a waste of time?

I mean, you're going
to have to go

through all of
this again downtown.

And this gentleman seems
ready to cooperate.

He's ready, ready for
the electric chair!

Sit down.

As bad as he is, mr. O'neill,
he has the grace to accept

the inevitable with
a degree of decorum.

You, on the contrary,
try to wiggle.

I'm seeing this through.
I'm not going anywhere!

Oh, but you are,
you're going to jail.

What about it,
mr. Warder?

Are you going to repudiate
your interview with mr. Boone?

I'm going to
tell the truth.

Did mr. Boone tell
the truth on the cylinder?

Yes, he did.

There you are, sir,
bribery is a felony.

Mr. Cramer,
get them out of here.

I can't stand to look
at them anymore.

Archie, pack up
that cylinder.

Mr. Cramer might want
to take it with him.

Hold it a second, Goodwin.

I'd like to
use your phone.

Cramer didn't ask
for the homicide office,

but instt
to the top.

Commissioner?

(man)
Yeah.

Inspector cramer.

What, cramer?

Yes, sir.

Aren't you at
the station?

No, sir, i'm at
Nero Wolfe's office.

You trying to
pull something?

Uh, no, sir, i'm not
trying to horn in, but...

cramer, get out of there,
i'll have you on charges.

Yes, sir, i'm...

i'm aware that would be
a breach of discipline,

but if you'd just...

is Wolfe there?

Certainly Wolfe is here.

Or did you break in?

No, i didn't break in,
i've got the man,

i've got the evidence,
and i've got the confession.

You got him?

Yes, sir, that's exactly
what i'm telling you.

Send three cars
and six men.

Are you on
the level, cramer?

Yes, sir,
i'm telling you.

The case is finished.

Cramer phoned for an appointment
at 11:00 the next day.

Ah.

So will you
have some beer?

Uh, no, thanks,
i suppose i won't.

I got a busy day.

I guess you heard
i'm back at my desk.

Inspector ash has been
moved to staten island.

Yes, we heard,
i congratulate you.

Much obliged.

So with me back
at my old stand,

better watch your step.

You try pulling any fast ones,
i'm still gonna be on your neck.

Oh, i wouldn't dream
of pulling a fast one.

Yeah, sure.

Just so we understand
each other.

Yes.

That's gratitude for you.

I said, that's
gratitud

that's a hell of a way
to say thank you.

Oh, Archie.

One of your most serious defects
issentiment.

None.

Nuts.

I am sentimental about this
$100,000 reward from the n.i.a.,

i tell you that.

I should have known you
would never return $30,000

if you didn't have your eye
on a real good replacement.

That was businesslike of them,
paying the reward so promptly.

Little do they know.

Little do
they know what?

There's several ways we
could do this, all right?

What i'm gonna do is i'm
gonna ask questions,

and i'm gonna
provide the answers.

What the devil are
you talking about?

Question number one: When
did you find the cylinder?

Saturday afternoon when
you waddled in here

in your pajamas and
belittled your brain?

No, of course not,
not a chance.

You knew where it
was the whole time.

Question number two:

Why, if you knew where
the cylinder was,

did you pester
mrs. Boone to tell you?

Answer:

Because you wanted to make
sure she didn't know,

so that she couldn't
go to the police

and get the $100,000
check herself.

Question number three:

What's the big deal? Huh?
If you found the cylinder,

why didn't you just,
uh, give it up?

The answer: 'cause
you don't like the n.i.a.

You don't like the n.i.a.,
and you wanted

to prolong the pain
as long as possible.

Yes, well, you left
one thing out.

What's that?

Miss Gunther.

What about her?

She ha audacity and even im
agination

in using the murder of
mr. Boone for a purpose

that he would
have approved.

Surely she deserved not
to have her murder wasted.

I found myself in a position
to see that it wasn't.

Yeah, but...

i almost forthis is for
you.

Hope you like it.

Well, my god.

Twice in one day,
first miss Gunther,

and now cramer brings
you an orchid.

When will all
the sentiment end?

Brassolaeliocattleya.
It's handsome.

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