A Different World (1987–1993): Season 3, Episode 3 - The Hat Makes the Man - full transcript

Tensions run high in the dorm when new director Walter clashes with Jaleesa.

£ I know my parents loved me £

£ stand behind me
come what may £

£ I know now that I'm ready £

£ for I finally heard them say £

£ it's a different world £

£ than where you come from £

£ yes, it is now, yeah £

£ here's our chance to make it £

£ and if we focus on our goal £

£ you can dish it,
we can take it £

£ hey, just remember
that you've been told £

£ it's a different world £

£ it's a different world £

£ it's a different world £

£ than where you come from £

£ ooh £

£ than where you come from £

Anything else?

We have a problem
with Sharon Thomas.

She flunked a poli-sci exam.

Now the girl wants
to quit school.

I drove her to the bus station.

You didn't?

Yes, I did.

Then I drove her back.

There's some nasty-looking
people at the bus station.

I told her the best way
not to end like them

is to stay in school.

Then we had some hot cakes
and came on back.

You are very good

at your job.

Is there any more dorm business
on the agenda?

That's it for me.

Then, miss Vincent

this meeting is adjourned

and good-bye, dorm director

hello, love of your life.

There is just one other thing.

But it has nothing to do
with the dorm.

Do you know that today
is a very special day.

I know that.

Oh, you did?

I'd never forget

an important date.

I am a human calendar.

Then what do you have planned
for today?

Something special.

What are you wearing?

Something nice.

I might even buy a suit.


Or rent a tux.

Then you might be just
a little bit overdressed

when you go to renew
your driver's license.

Yeah, but I'll look good
in the photo.


We had our first date
one year ago today.

This is our anniversary.

I knew that.

Oh, don't.

Happy anniversary.

Not again.

Three blackouts in one week.

What have these women
got plugged in?

Why do you assume
it's the women?

'Cause you all can't
leave the house

without using hair curlers,
hair clippers, hair dryers.

All we need is a comb.

And it shows.

Professors give us more work
than we can possibly do

to keep us working
on the weekend.

We should have started
this paper three weeks ago

when it was assigned.

And ruin three weekends?

Get out of here.

That's right.

I got it.

How about this
as an opening sentence?

"When the first kernel of corn
was sown

so were the seeds
of a great civilization."

Other people are writing
on Mayan temples

human sacrifices, sexual taboos.

Why are we writing
about a vegetable?

Corn was very crucial
to the Mayans.

And sex wasn't?

They died out.

I hate corn.

Do you hate corn on the cob?

It's the enemy of all teeth.

It gets stuck in your gums.

I have a new
anthropological theory.

The Mayans died out
because they were too busy

picking corn out of their teeth
to procreate.

Wait, wait, wait.

We're on to something here,

Rome did not fall because
of internal corruption.

It was because
they had too much corn

in their Roman meal bread.

We're going to get an "f" so big

the whole Roman army
couldn't carry it.

A basket of illegal appliances
from the women's floor.

It was like trick-or-treating
at sears.

Walter, I need my hair dryer.

Whitley, is that you?


Walter, I cannot go
to my breakfast date

looking like a wet spaniel.

Sorry. It is over 500 watts.

Have a good breakfast, Lassie.

Room check.

The next blackout,
I'll pay for the fuses.

Lassie, go home!

Hey, quinc, how's it going?

It's all right.

I can't complain.

I hope I can say that.

I see a cord.

Can a crockpot be far behind?

Alabama, I hope
that's a talking crockpot.

Sir, I'm not from Alabama.

I'm from Jasper, Texas.

Now that we've got
that cleared up

who is under your bed?

Come on out, janetta.

I think they know.

Uh, janetta,
this here's everybody.

Everybody, this here's janetta.

What were you thinking?

You can get suspended.

I know I was supposed
to be out by 7:00

but we slept through the alarm.

Who said you're supposed
to be out by seven?


You knew about this?

My question exactly.

See, janetta's in the Navy.

And she's shipping out
for six months.

Let me get this straight.

I'm not allowed to have
a hair dryer

but he's allowed to spend
the night with barnacle Betty.

Your hair's dry.

Go to breakfast.

Whitley has a point.

I didn't know the girl was here

till 5:30 this morning.

The dorm rules are very specific

about overnight guests
of the opposite sex.

She said she was shipping out.

If this gets around

everybody's going to want
to have overnight guests.

Then everybody will be

Can we leave so she can catch
her submarine?

You'll have to appear
before dorm council.

I'm handling this.

You are making too big
a deal out of this.

I don't agree.

Do you agree that

I'm the dorm director
and you're not?

I guess I can't argue with that.

Good, then maybe we can
celebrate our anniversary

on our anniversary.

Whatever you say.

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Oh, Quincy,
you all are really...

Ladies and gentlemen, we are
witnessing baseball history.

A pitching duel
of monumental proportion.

Batter, batter, batter!

Hey, batter!

The windup...

The pitch...

It's going...

It's going...

Kiss that baby good-bye.

Kiss this baby good-bye.

Oh, come here,
you sexy dude, you.

Oh, baby.

Please, baby, please.

Mr. Wayne.

Ms. Brooks.

What are you two up to?

Writing a research paper
for anthropology, sir.

I see.

And who's winning?

I am.

We've been working
on this paper all day.

We needed a break, sir.

I am totally burnt.

I woke up burnt-out.

I don't think people realize
how tough you students have it.

No way they do.

Heck, you work straight
through Thanksgiving.

You only get three weeks off
for Christmas.

Of course,
there's president's day

Dr. Martin Luther King's

then the easter break.

Your whole thing is finished
may 22.

The 22nd?

I thought it was the 21st.

So you've got an average
of four hours of class per day.

About that.

Let me borrow your bat handle.

So what we have here is
days times four divided by 24.

Carry the two.

Oh, boy, that means
out of 365 days

you actually spend
35 days in school.

35 and two thirds, sir.

You're correct.

So that means I've got

to spend 35 and two thirds days
teaching you.

Boy, oh, boy.

Just thinking about it makes me
feel totally burned out.

I better carry these tired,
old burned-out bones back home

spend the rest
of the weekend in bed.

I won't make it to class

but if you should get to class,
tell everybody I said, "hey."



It's this music.

It's getting on my nerves.

Jaleesa, this is our song.

Do you remember our first dance?

You and me
and "me and Mrs. Jones."

The four of us should
have been on soul train.

Something must be wrong
with you.

What is it?

You really don't know?

I really don't.

The way you handled
this Quincy thing.

I can't believe you're thinking
about this morning.

You would not have let
a girl get away with it.

Quincy tolleson is responsible.

He gets good grades
and he has even better manners.

He always calls you "ma'am."

Yeah, and I hate it.

Makes me feel old.

Buona sera.

I am your waiter, Leone.

And this is
your San Rosa acqua minerale

Mille novecento ottanta nove.

And what does all of that mean?

Mineral water, 1989.

Good year, too.

Walter, did you have to say

"I am the dorm director
and you are not"

in front of everybody?

Jaleesa, what happened
this morning was dorm business.

Know what your problem is?

You get Walter oakes,
dorm director

confused with Walter oakes,
anniversary man.

Okay, so you always manage

to separate our personal
and our business lives.


So why is it

that at our last meeting
with the administration

you had your hand
on my thigh under the table?

It could have
been Dr. Combs.

He's pretty slick
for an 80-year-old man.

So maybe I'm overreacting.

You are overreacting,
but I forgive you.

Oh, you forgive me?

It starts all over again.

Why can't you let go of things?

Why can't you deal
with feelings?

I can deal with feelings.

Then why don't you ever want
to rent sounder?

It's a movie about a dog.

It is a movie about people
and the relationship to the dog.

Why didn't they call it
people and sounder?

That's why I can't talk to you.

You never take anything

I took you to see Benji.

You dropped me off
and went bowling.

This is why they made a man
head of the dorm

instead of a woman.

You all get emotional,
start crying about nothing.

It has to do
with that little p.M.C.S.T.P...

You know what that thing is.

You know, but you are afraid
to say it.

Because this is our anniversary

and you are ruining it.

I am ruining it?

Lobster al diavolo
for the happy couple.

Now in honor of your anniversary

I've prepared a little surprise.

£ me and senora Jones £

£ we got a thing
that's going on £

£ we both know that it's wrong £

£ but it's much too strong £

£ to let it go now £

£ me £

£ and senora, senora Jones £

£ senora Jones, senora Jones,
senora... £

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And so she says

"you are afraid
of your emotions.

You have no feelings."

Then she walked out.

If I didn't have any feelings,
then why did I spend $88.96

on some lobster, designer water
and a singing waiter?

You spent too much
on the lobster.

It tastes like rubber.

But that spaghetti's not bad.

Nothing I said was right.

It was like walking
through a minefield.

Every word that came out
of my mouth was like "boom!"

I said, "I forgive you."

"What do you mean,
'you forgive?!'"

maybe you should.

Naybe you would

maybe you...

I should get combat pay
for going out with this woman.

The vegetables are nice,
except for the broccoli.

I never did like broccoli.

It smells.

Mr. Gaines,
are you listening to me?

Every word.

You know what
your problem is, son?

You fight back.

Pass me the salt.

I'm supposed to sit there and go

"you're right, dear.

"I'm wrong, dear.

I'm stupid, dear"?

If you want to be a happy man,
you do.

Velma and I have been
happily married for 39 years.

You know why?

Because she always has
the first word

and I always let her
have the last

and she has most of the words
in between, too.

I have been out
with a lot of women.

None of them argued with me.

Why would I rather be out
arguing with jaleesa?

That's a bad sign.

I want to do my job
and be with my woman.

Is that too much to ask?


If she can't separate business
from personal life

I'll do it for her.

I'll fire her.

You do that

and she'll be about as tender
as this lobster.

Did you get any rolls?

What time tomorrow?

8:00 A.M.

Nah, better make it noon.

We work better under pressure.


Q! Hey, q!

The man of the hour.

What are you talking about?

£ anchors aweigh, my boy,
anchors aweigh £

who told you?

Who didn't?!

Is she the centerfold
in that spread

"women of the armed forces"?

I heard all she had on

was a life preserver
and a smile.

Not my janetta.

That's a frisky name!

My janetta is a real lady.

Does she have any sisters?

You're talking about
the woman I love.

I was going to marry her.

You might as well.

You already had the honeymoon.

She may not want to marry me now

after Walter throws me
out of school.

Walter's one of us.

He's cool.

But jaleesa wants me to go
before the dorm council.

Forget jaleesa.

Walter is the man.

The worst thing
he'll have you do

is wash his car.

You just bring
the good turtle wax.

Good evening, Walter.

How was dinner?

Stupid, stupid!

I heard that girl has been
up there for a week.

I heard a month.

But when they dragged her out
from under the bed

she was naked.

Walter oakes should not
be allowed to run this dorm.

Amen to that.

He busted me
for having a guy in my room

two minutes after curfew.

All we were doing was studying.

Might have helped
if you had some books.

I still don't believe it.

Those country types grow up fast
on the farm.

But Quincy "uh-huh" tolleson?

We are victims
of a double standard.

We get busted and the guys get
certificates of achievement.

What would Walter do

if he caught a sailor
in one of our beds?

He wouldn't say,
"as you were."

I'm behind you girls 100%

but there's a greater issue
at stake here.

She's right.

Walter oakes is depriving us

of our constitutional right
to own property.


He took her hair dryer again.

We were picked for this dorm
because we are mature women.

Hear, hear!

The intelligent thing to do
is to stop this injustice.

Let's have a silent protest
against Walter.

Until we get what we want,
we won't talk to him.

We won't talk to any man.

I have a date with Calvin
tomorrow night.

Forget the silent treatment.

We won't pay dorm fees.

And if that doesn't work,
we storm his apartment.

And reclaim our appliances!

Meeting adjourned.

Magic, get up, you ain't hurt.

It's open.

Get up, boy!

Can I talk to you?

The dorm director is out.

He will not be back
until 8:00 A.M.

This has been a recording. Beep!

I don't want to talk
to the dorm director.

I'd like to talk
to the anniversary man.

About what?

I want to apologize.

He's listening.

By the time I got two blocks
from the restaurant

I felt really bad
that I walked out.

You realized
you had to walk home.

No, that is not why.

Why not walk back?

I don't know.

I guess I would have felt silly.

You know how silly I felt

sitting there by myself
being serenaded?

I had to sit
through eight verses of

£ me and senora Jones,
Jones, Jones, Jones £

there are not that many verses.

My man improvised.

Him and Mrs. Jones
did their thing all over Italy.

Walter, I'm really sorry.

I hired him for your birthday.

No, you didn't.

You'll find out on November 15.

December 15.

I knew that.

About this morning...

I don't agree
with the way you handled Quincy

but I should not have said so
in front of everybody.

I never would have done that
to lettie.

But I was really convinced...

I hate to interrupt your apology

but there are seven minutes left
of our anniversary.

What do you say?

£ doo doo doo £

£ we got a thing going on £

nobody's home!

You better get upstairs quick!

You remember what
verse we were on.

When we get back

I'm taking you
all the way to scandinavia.

Fly me, baby.


I'm with you.


Ladies, please.

I didn't get too much
sleep last night.

Brother, tell us something
we don't already know.

Walter won't like this
one little bit.

Walter won't mind.

Haven't you heard?

£ we're in the Navy now £

aye, aye.

Oh, lord.

That's some poop deck.

I didn't invite them.

I swear to beans I didn't.

What's going on?

This is where the action is,
so we decided to move up here.

We want the same privileges
you gave Quincy.

You have my permission
to spend the night with a man.

This man.

Sleep tight.

Okay, Quincy, move over.

Walter, tell her you're joking.

He might be joking,
but we're not.

We're not going until
that double standard goes first!

And I get my hair dryer back.

What do you think?

Now you have no opinion?

Now is not the time to butt out.

Do you really want to know
what I think?

I really, truly do.

Excuse me.

If it seems I've been tougher
on the women than the men

that's because I have.

What are you going
to do about it?

What are you going
to do about it?

Wait, wait, come on.

Give the man a chance.

I'll ask jaleesa

to form a double standard
watchdog committee

and if a charge is brought
against me and found valid

then justice will be done.

I ask you all to leave

because Quincy needs
a good night's sleep.

I sure do.

Tomorrow, homeboy's going

before the dorm council
at 9:30 A.M.

That's what I'm talking about.

I suggest you wear a tie.

Yes, sir.

In your case, wear two ties.

Jaleesa, tell me the truth.

Am I really a chauvinist?

Yes, dear, you are.

However, you have such
a cute butt.

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