A Different World (1987–1993): Season 3, Episode 18 - A Campfire Story - full transcript

Dwayne and Walter weave a tall tale about their basketball-recruiting trip, which took some strange turns.

£ I know my parents loved me £

£ stand behind me
come what may £

£ I know now that I'm ready £

£ for I finally heard them say £

£ it's a different world £

£ than where you come from £

£ yes, it is now, yeah £

£ here's our chance to make it £

£ and if we focus on our goal £

£ you can dish it,
we can take it £

£ hey, just remember
that you've been told £

£ it's a different world £

£ it's a different world £

£ it's a different world £

£ than where you come from £

£ ooh £

£ than where you come from. £

people, Clancy's furnace repair

can't be here
till tomorrow morning.

Jaleesa, it's
two degrees outside.

That's two degrees warmer
than it is in here.

I'm trying to do the best I can.

This was supposed to be
my day off.

Jaleesa, we appreciate it.

God, I can't wait
till Walter gets back.

Well. Well.

How many minks gave their lives
for that ensemble?

I don't know, jaleesa.

How many cows gave their lives
for your lunch?

Another date with Julian.

The third this week.

Do you gossip bunnies
have nothing better to do

than keep track of my life?

We're simply having
a cozy dinner

in front of Julian's fireplace.

The fire won't be the only thing

heating up his apartment.

How apropos,
coming from two girls

who are warming themselves up
with major appliances.


Julian, right on time.

You didn't have to come in
to get me.

I honked

but the sound waves
froze mid-air.

Boy, it's not much better
in here.

Then get out.

Is that for me?

Yes. Wear it
polynesian style

and pretend
we're in the tropics.

Tres romantique.

Shall we?

Oh, Dwayne.

Whitley. Julian.

How ya doing?

So, our tropical dinner
is awaiting us.



Yeah, aloha.

I hope that flower
has med flies.

Walter, it's about time.

The furnace is out.

The people can't fix it
till tomorrow.

Where have you been?

You were supposed
to be back yesterday.

That was my plan.

But slim Jim
had a different idea.

It wasn't all my fault.

That's right.

Your parents share the blame.

They had a little problem.

Everything was fine once
colonel Taylor bailed us out.

Bailed you out?

As in jail?

You got arrested?

We had a misunderstanding.

There's nothing to tell.

The punch missed by a mile.

Whoa, the punch?

You were in a fight?

We were not in a fight.

Wait. Who threw
the first punch?

You want to know...

Let me tell it.

It started yesterday.

I was leaving
on this recruiting trip

when whining Willie
wanted to talk

hey, Walter...

about a personal matter...

I got to talk to you.

Nah, man

I have to be in Charlotte
in three hours.

Go bore jaleesa.

You don't understand.

It's personal.

Make it quick.

It's about a woman.


There's 2,000 girls
at this school.

She's the only one
makes your glasses flip up.

Well, now she's steaming up
somebody else's glasses

or his contact lenses...

Julian days.

Walter, you're good.

I'm resident director.

It's my job
to be in everybody's business.

Now hurry up.

We had a little falling out.

Over Julian?

Over nothing.

We were chatting over espressos

when I made an innocent comment

about Julian being

a pseudo-radical,
trust fund major

who wears her like jewelry!

Sounds innocent to me.

Okay, I booted one.

But she wouldn't give
him the time of day

if she wasn't
on the rebound from me.

Dwayne, do what she did to you...

Let go.

Walter, she haunts me.

I couldn't sleep a wink
last night.

I even tried counting sheep.

They all looked like whitley.


You should have seen
my girl jump fences.

Insomnia. Delusions.

All this over a woman?

It could have been
that triple Espresso.

You've got the disease.

Tell me.

You need time
away from this woman.

You're right.

I'm coming with you!

No, no, no.

I'm going on official
athletic department business.

This is my first
recruiting trip.

Can head coach be far behind?

Not if I mess up.

I'm going after Alvin dix.

The all-American?

No. The chipmunk.

I can help you get him.

I can sell him on hillman
from a student's perspective.

All you can do is help me drive.

You drive a five-speed?

Piece of cake.

My bicycle had ten speeds.

I'll drive.

It's not the same thing?

Yes, I was going six miles
over the speed limit.

But I was going
with the flow of traffic.

That Ferrari

was going over 80 miles an hour.

I couldn't catch him,
so I got you.

You should have
let me drive, Walt.

I was speeding because you
were moaning about whitley.

Officer, arrest him!

His mouth was going
90 miles an hour.

Walter, I can't
get her off my mind.

Get this on your mind:

I'm late to meet with Alvin dix

which means some other
recruiter will get him

and I'll never be head coach.

I'll spend my life

putting shoe trees
in other people's sneakers.

So your love life
is going on the back burner.

Fine. But that deer
by the road

looked just like whitley.

Come on, tiny, you're up.

Well, well

a visitor from Virginia.

How nice of you
to put our station house

on your sight-seeing list.

Do you have a problem?

Oh, yes, ma'am.

I mean

I'm going to put it
on the back burner.

"Traveling 61
in a 55-mile-an-hour zone."

"Warrant for outstanding
jaywalking tickets"?

I'm glad you mentioned those.

See, I have these bad knees.

And when it rains,
they stiffen up.

I can't quite beat
the "don't walk" sign.

In fact, I'm so slow

they wouldn't let me
be a pallbearer

at my grandmother's funeral

because they figured
she could get out the casket

and walk faster than me.

They made him
put roller skates on

to keep up.

Mr. Oakes, you have
13 unpaid jaywalking tickets.

But did it say
how many I have paid?


You can take a seat.

And you'd better arrange bail.

Yo, man, give me a quarter.

And it better not
look like whitley.

Luckily, I had a calling card.

Enough with the details.

When did the fight start?

Forget about that.

Who did this desk sergeant

remind you of?

Uh, it's freezing in here.

Oh, thank you, Willard Scott.

I better look at that furnace.

Sometimes you got to give them
a whack or two.

I already did...

Three times.

Some things need a man's touch.

Well, yes, they do.

But not that furnace.

So, you were at the pay phone.

That's when I sent this boy
to get my Jeep

while I tried to raise bail.

That's when you
called colonel Taylor?

That's when I called
the only person I knew

in north Carolina.

10, 20, 30 40,
60, 80, $300.

And don't forget, Alvin

hillman has a five-year
m.B.A. Program.

You can start your grad courses

while still
on basketball scholarship

and get your masters.

Here's your receipt
and the court date.

With a hillman education,
all doors are open to you.

It's done a lot for me.

Release him.

Y'all hang in there.

Alvin, what can I say?

That you'll be in court.

I need that bail money.

Walter oakes
always repays his debts.

If that were true,
you wouldn't be here.

I didn't make the greatest
first impression.

Why don't we try again
over dinner?

Sorry, I can't.

I'm having dinner
with cap Connors.

Cap's in town?

Bulton state's
playing Carolina tomorrow.

You ever meet cap conners?

I played for cap.

I was on his n.I.T. Squad.


Then how come
I never heard of you?

I had these knee injuries...

Don't let him
get started on his knees.


Cap Connors.

He's a legend.

He knows the game, all right.

Look, I got to book.

He's taking me
to finito's for dinner.

I'll see you later.

Oh, good luck with your team.

Your team?

That's not a good sign.

The boy wants to play
for cap Connors.

Who wouldn't?

His team wins.

Playing for cap

would be the biggest mistake
of his life.

Why would Alvin regret it?

You said he knows the game.

That's all he knows,
and that's all you learn.

Cap was so convinced
I'd play pro

he had me taking classes like
intro to telephone etiquette.

If I hadn't messed up my knees

I would never have gotten
my education.

Now Walter has the best
phone etiquette on campus.

But Alvin might not be as lucky.

You went to bust his knees

and started fighting.

Freddie, you're just
a little too into this.

Well, good news.

The heat is on its way.

There was too much dust
in the pipes

and I had to adjust
the pilot light.

But like I said, jaleesa

some things need a man's touch.

Excuse me.

I guess I'll just go
bake a cake.

Do y'all want to hear
this story?


Now, I had to protect
Alvin's future.

And your own.

Yours is starting to look dim.

My only choice was to stop Alvin

before cap brainwashed him.

Is that when
the fight broke out?

No, that's when
the boy blunder" lost my Jeep.

We've got to get
to that restaurant

before cap starts
spinning Alvin's head

with new cars and other perks.

What other perks?

I'll explain in the car.

No, you won't.

It's just been towed.

Where did you park my car?



Right out front.

In a space marked
"official police business."

But this is official...
You're under arrest.

Book me now

because I'm about
to kill this boy.

My Jeep was impounded

Alvin was seeing cap,
and Dwayne was still alive.

Is it boiling in here?

I think you whacked that furnace
one too many times.

Just needs a little fine-tuning.

Save my seat.

What happened next?

In exchange for his life

Dwayne generously offered
to pay the towing cost.

You owe me for...

It's my treat.

We took off to the restaurant.

By the time we got there,
it was too late.

Something to whet
your appetites?

Nothing for me.

What about you, lover?

What captures your imagination?

Give me a double Espresso.

Make that a triple.

Coming right up.

Didn't you recognize her?


The southern accent?

In the south, bubba

everybody's got
a southern accent.

Snap out of it!

Next time we go
somewhere together

you're not going.

One triple Espresso.

Anything else, lover?

There's our man.

That's not cap Connors.

That's the other perks
I was talking about.

I thought you meant
free dental care.

Cap is notorious for this...

Strutting beautiful women
in front of recruits.

It's immoral, unethical

and she's finer than the woman
he strutted in front of me.

I can sell hillman.

I can't beat her.

If I could just get Alvin alone
for five minutes...

Get that look off your face.

I'll be right back.

And the guys just love
playing for cap.

Plus, as a bulton alum,
nothing would make me happier

than to see Alvin dix
in the purple and gold.

Those are my favorite colors.

No, no. Let me.

I wouldn't want you
to pull a muscle.

Telephone call for the lady.

You can take it
right over there.

For me?

Oh, no!

Oh, my cashmere!

I'm sorry, miss.

You can't get out marinara.

It's just red clam sauce.

I think that was mine.

It's ruined.

You moron!

Excuse me, Alvin.

I have to go clean up.

I'm sorry about
your Linguini, man.

Mr. Oakes?

Alvin dix, what a coincidence.

I want to apologize
for this interruption

and for this pitiful excuse
of a waiter.

Let me tell you about
hillman's pre-law program.

People will always need
good lawyers.

Don't you have
tables to wait on?

Yes, I do.

Cap Connors!

It's cap Connors!

It took me 15 minutes
to give the men's room attendant

an autograph.

He's putting my roll
of toilet paper

next to frank Sinatra's.

Frank Sinatra and cap Connors
in the same toilet.

Where's lil..?

She went to...

Walter oakes!

Old number 32!

How you doing, coach?

How long's it been?

About eight years.

Yeah, and about 20 pounds.

Mr. Oakes was telling me about
hillman's pre-law program.

Is that a fact?

I didn't mean to horn in
on your recruiting time

but Alvin should look at
all his options.

He hasn't changed.

The score is 63-3,
but he's still hustling.

Like you said,
"the game ain't over

till the cheerleaders leave
with the other team."

Every bulton game
is on national TV or cable.

Walter, when's the last time
hillman was on TV?

We had a big fire in the gym,
and CNN covered it.

We must have been
playing that night.

What the hell
is keeping my wife?

Did you say wife?

Yes, Lilly.

This is our anniversary trip.


Yes, I'll never forget it.

One year ago today,
I signed my starting center.

Miss, I'm so sorry
about your dress.

I haven't slept; My eyes
are playing tricks on me.

Is it ruined?

No, it's supposed to look like
the Japanese flag.

Cap will have a fit
when he sees this.

Cap bought this?

Cap buys all my clothes.

Why do you let him use you?

Excuse me?

You don't have to be
some cheap groupie

to get a meal
and a pretty outfit.

I am nobody's groupie.

Cap wears you
like a piece of jewelry.

What are you saying?

You need a man
who wants you for you

not because you look hot.

Get out of my face

you Linguini-lipped,
no-tray-carrying worm.

There you are.

Honey, I am ready to leave.

Well, I'm not.

What happened to
your $300 dress?

That is all you care about.

That's a lot of money
for a dress.

The waiter's right.

You wear me like
a piece of cheap jewelry.

The waiter said that?

I didn't say cheap.

I'm tired of sitting around
a bunch of puppy-faced tadpoles

talking basketball
night after night.

I'm your wife,
not some groupie cheerleader.

His wife?

His wife.

Okay, Mr. Mouth.

We going outside.

Hold on now.

Just be cool.

Ease up now.

Mr. Mouth was so scared,
his sweat was sweating.

I've gotten to
the source of the problem.

Meanwhile, I'll just let
some cool air in here.

A grown man wanted to
throw down with you?

And that's when
the fight broke out.

No, that's when the dinner came.

Calm down.

I know, brother.

Humiliate and embarrass me.

Sorry about the delay, folks

but somebody stole your
Linguini with red clam.

Let's get out of here.

What about your meal?

Let that skinny waiter

pay for the meal and the tip.

What are you doing?

I'm working on
a hundred-dollar tab here.

You don't deserve a tip.

Where you been?

Okay, that's it.

Me and you.

Come on.

Come on, cap, calm down.

Run, Dwayne, run, brother.

And is that when
the fight broke out?

No, that's when we all
piled in the street

and got busted for jaywalking.

Walter was out on bail for that

so they took him back to jail.

After cap's wife
protested her ticket

by swinging at
the arresting officer.

Oh, goodness.

And that's when
the fight broke out!

Super chicken was running

and lost my car keys.

That's when they called me
to get them out.

I have $500 in jaywalking fines

my Jeep is somewhere
in north Carolina

and no Alvin dix to show for it.

That's a great story.

That's excellent, Walter.

I haven't had this much fun
in years.

I could have told it better.

Good night, colonel.

Good night.

Colonel, getting warm in here,
again, isn't it?

What time is that
repairman coming?

She said
she'll be here at 9:00.

She said?

Good night.

How gallant.

At least there's a woman who
still appreciates a gentleman.

It's warm in here.

Don't ask, all right?

Dwayne, you still here?

Oh, boy!

Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Nothing a few days' sleep
won't cure.

What an evening.

Julian cooked a polynesian luau

and got food poisoning.

We had to...

We had to say good night
through the bathroom door.

Oh, my god!

I am so sorry to hear that.

You sound sorry.

I have to apologize.

I had no right to say
all those things about Julian.

Most of your friends are okay

so Julian must be
pretty okay, too.

Thank you, Dwayne.

Want to go out for an Espresso?

Another Espresso.

Just what I need.

I have to freshen up.

I'll be right back.

Alvin, what are you doing here?

I found your car keys.

I figured you'll be needing
your wheels, so...

You drove all this way
to bring me my car.

You drove to Charlotte for me.

Besides, you still owe me money.

You're something else.

Next year you'll be
playing for cap, huh?

Cap has a lot to say
about basketball

but he doesn't have much
to say about college.

I'd still like to hear about
hillman's pre-law program.

I've thought about
being an attorney.

Let me show you
around the campus.

First we'll go to
the pit and eat.

If you still want to come here,
we'll talk.

We'll call your mama
to pick you up.

I am not driving to
north Carolina again.

Okay, ready and willing.

Well, Dwayne, you're right.

My friends are pretty okay.

Except Julian.

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