A Different World (1987–1993): Season 3, Episode 17 - That's the Trouble with You All - full transcript

Whitley fixes Dwayne up with another girl, but then has trouble dealing with it.

£ I know my parents loved me £

£ stand behind me
come what may £

£ I know now that I'm ready £

£ for I finally heard them say £

£ it's a different world £

£ than where you come from £

£ yes, it is now, yeah £

£ here's our chance to make it £

£ and if we focus on our goal £

£ you can dish it,
we can take it £

£ hey, just remember
that you've been told £



£ it's a different world £

£ it's a different world £

£ it's a different world £

£ than where you come from £

£ ooh £

£ than where you come from. £

boy, you look good tonight.

Yes?

Your math...

Uh-oh.

Whoo.

Silk pajamas?

Girl, you better watch out.

You might slip-slide
right out of the bed.



So what's the occasion?

Julian's birthday.

Ah.

That's a little personal
for the 13th date.

But who's counting?

How are you and Leslie gaskins?

Leslie gaskins
is yesterday's news...

The obituary section.

Honestly, Dwayne, I don't know
what you're looking for.

I don't think you do either.

I cannot keep track

of the women you've dated

since our little...

Our...

Involvement.

I can hardly call
a few irresponsible

albeit memorable
moments of passion

an involvement.

Whitley, the only thing
irresponsible

about those memorable moments

is that there weren't
enough of them.

You just got cold feet.

I did not get cold feet.

You got big gunboat,
queen Mary-sized mothers.

Don't even try it.

Dwayne, I just had
the sense to realize

that we are in different places.

I was at home plate.

You was hung up at first.

We aren't talking about me.

We're talking about you

and why you're having
such a difficult time

finding a woman.

Now what is it

you exactly want in a woman?

Well, I guess I want
someone who's attractive

intelligent, church-going,
a little kinky...

Someone who won't
play hackysack with
my heart.

Did I mention a little kinky?

Got to be kinky.

Dwayne, I'm sure

there are plenty
of women on campus

that have what
you're looking for and...

I'm going to help you find one!

You going to hook me up?

I'd rather date Mike Tyson
in a hair weave.

I'm just offering
to help a friend.

Ah, friend.

The old "f" word.

For goodness sake.

No man wants to be told
by a woman

he once did or did not
have involvement with

that they're just friends.

Dwayne, friendship is
one of life's

most valuable treasures.

Please let me fix you up?

No way.

No friendly way, whitley.

Better act like
we enjoying the food.

Bad news about our poker game.

Dr. Settles is dropping out.

He was named vice-chancellor
of morehouse.

Man, that's tragic.

He was the biggest pigeon,
next to you.

Have you got a replacement
lined up?

How about homer pinson
at buildings and grounds?

That henpecked handyman?

He's got to get
his wife's permission

to go out and get the paper.

What about Elaine hancock
in the bursar's office?

She's always going
to Atlantic city.

Wait, better than that.

Dr. Pettigrew.

Remember casino night?

She won everything in sight.

Why don't we cancel this week?

Give us time
to find the right man.

Wait, wait a minute.

What about the two women
I just suggested?

Women are good at bid whist

but poker is a man's territory.

Oh, wait, wait.

I beg your pardon.

Somebody bring this knucklehead
back to the 20th century.

Well, it won't be me,
because he's right.

Oh, forget it.

Look, I love women.

I respect women.

I have a mama.

But women don't have
the killer instinct.

I can play poker.

I bet I can teach any woman
on this campus

to beat the pants off of
both of you neanderthals.

Give me ten minutes
with Stevie wonder

I'll teach him to beat any woman
on this campus.

And he'll write a song about it.

Is that so?

Kobie, kobie.

Can I speak to you?

Do you know how to play poker?

No, but I'm very good at soccer.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Forget Stevie.

That's your man.

Five dollars says

you cannot teach him
to pull the deck out of the box.

Ten says you can't teach Freddie

to set up a card table.

You are on.

Saturday, in my room.

Fine. And may
the best man win.

Son, you look miserable.

Tell me about it now

so I don't see that face
in my class.

Well, sir, there's this girl.

We started out as friends

and we started getting
a little friendlier

till she gloms onto
some fresh meat.

Now that we're
"just friends" again

she wants to hook me up
with somebody.

Son, read my lips.

Go on the date.

That's what Ron said.

He's right for once.

You've got to show this woman
that you can move on

just like she did.

What if the woman she picks

turns out to be a swamp pony?

Oh, boy.

Your friend
has too much of an ego

to set you up with anything less
than a knockout.

That's what Walter said!

Then quit boring everybody
with your problems

and go on the date.

I found you a woman.

Great! Who is she?

Megan Lewis.

The Megan Lewis?

Get out of here.

She finds you muy adorable.

I've never been out

with anybody that fine before.

Well, here's your big chance.

Oh, thank you, whitley!

That's what friends are for.

Thank you!

Okay.

I have two days
to teach you poker.

Why?

Because Walter oakes...

A.k.a. Mr. Macho

keep them pregnant, barefoot
and bid whist playing...

Assumes that women
cannot play poker.

What?!

Who does he think he is,
making a sweeping generalization

on the basis of somebody's sex?

Isn't that just like a man?

Let's go, coach.

All right!
That is the spirit.

All right!

Shuffle me up!

Deal me down!

Toss me in!

Just two days, huh?

The object of this game

is to get as many cards
as you can in one hand

preferably the face cards.

What are face cards?

I'm glad you asked me that,
kobie.

Face cards
are cards with faces. See?

Jack

queen

king

and the ace.

Now the ace is so bad,
it doesn't need a face.

These are the top four cards
in the deck.

Now I see.

So these four cards
are always on the top.

Kobie, I'm going

to get some more two-hour tapes.

Megan, I don't get it.

You are pretty and smart.

You got a great sense of humor

but you're free, single
and ready to mingle?

Isn't it awful?

Yes, it is.

There's got to be a reason.

You're a vampire, ain't you?

Dwayne, Megan.

Well, I'll be.

Julian, it's Dwayne and Megan.

Julian and whitley.

If I read of this coincidence

in a little novel

I'd say,
"too, too strange."

My, my.

We've got some time
before the movie.

Why don't we join you?

Oh, yes. Indeed.

Why don't we join them?

Ah. Oh.

Excuse me.

Due cappuccini, amica Mia.

She means
two cappuccinos, please.

Coming right up.

Megan, you look great
in that dress.

Yeah, doesn't my girl look good?

Lovely.

I prefer your green one, though.

It's not quite so clingy.

We can't always make it
to that gym every day.

Hey, Megan, after this

why don't we go over
to club Melanie?

Can you do the electric slide?

You'll have to teach me.

No problem.

I used to cut
Denny terrio's grass.

I hate to be Betty bad news

but snow is in the forecast.

You shouldn't
drive out that far.

I know how to keep a lady warm.

I don't doubt that you do

but she shouldn't be out
in this weather

considering your cold, Megan.

It's been months
since I've had a cold.

I'd hate to see
a wonderful first date

ruined by a sudden attack
of coughing, wheezing

postnasal drip

and phlegm and mucus.

Honey, I don't think

this is the proper
pre-dinner conversation.

Thank you.

And your table's ready.

Oh, thank goodness.

You two have a nice evening.

Right back at you, Julian.

I left my scarf in there.

It's right here.

You don't have to
chase after them.

What a relief.

Well, here's to you, cupid.

What a movie!

I love Denzel Washington.

He's so strong, yet vulnerable.

So, how long
did you date Dwayne?

Excuse me?

Dwayne.

How long did you date him?

Well, I hate to laugh, sweetie

but Dwayne and I
are like brother and sister.

Hey, you don't
have to talk about it.

We both have pasts.

Yes, let's not dwell
on the past.

Let's deal with the present.

I'm for that.

When you hit the dance floor

it was soul train
all over again.

All aboard!

I will never say good-bye,
mon amour

only a bientot.

Why don't y'all just get a room?

I've got tickets

for the dance theatre of Harlem.

I'm sitting front row center.

You're in the balcony.

I don't want you around
those beautiful dancers.

Don't worry.

I've dated them all.

But that was in my past.

I'll call you.

Yes.

Hey.

I think your brother
wants to talk to you.

Whitley, thank you.

Megan and I
had a wonderful time.

Really?

We did that new dance
from Brazil

the one that's been banned.

The lambada?

I thought
all those Brazilians knew

was coffee and soccer.

I'm happy
for both you and Megan.

That surprises me

considering you tried
to ruin the evening.

"Ruin"?

You saw me with her
and you went crazy.

Ha!

Big laugh!

Ha! Ha! Ha!

You couldn't
take your eyes off me.

Only Julian kept you
from chasing after us.

You are the most
self-centered person on earth!

Isn't it awful?

Me and Megan are going out
to get my birthday present

and it won't be no funky pajamas

'cause I don't wear them!

You're doing it wrong.

But I'm doing it.

Ready?

Ready.

Oh, please.

Kobie, I was wrong
about these women.

They did not skip town.

They sticked around
to take their butt kickings

like men.

I feel like throwing up.

I feel like throwing down.

S-s-s-s-s-s-s...

Uh-oh.

S-s-s-s-s-s...

Let's get this
humiliation started.

We are not playing
with your cards.

Why not?

I dated you.

We're not using your cards.

Because while you were dating me

I was dating you.

Let's use my practice deck.

Fine.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Ladies first.

Thank you.

You know, Freddie

some people think that women

cannot play cards.

So why don't we play
five-card draw

no wild cards

25 cents to open.

Ante up.

Walter, no coughing,
no stretching

no ear pulling, no choking...

As a matter of fact

just don't move.

The only move I'll be making

is putting your money

in my pocket.

Hoo!

Freddie, what you got?

Give me three.

Not a happy number.

All I need is one.

The right one.

Okay, kobie?

Five, please.

Man, turn your cards over!

Sure.

Okay, dealer takes two.

Freddie, let's hear it.

A pair of eights.

And the rest garbage.

What a shame.

Full house...

Jacks high, baby.

Kobie, what about you?

All garbage.

Hey, don't worry about it.

That's your first hand.

You're from another country.

Jaleesa, show me what you got

so I can take the pot.

All I have is two pair...

Of queens!

Don't you just love the ladies?

Hey, accidents happen.

Do we leave now?

No, kobie, we don't leave

until I get everything
jaleesa owns

including your 18-hour girdle.

Fine.

You could use it.

Freddie:
Ooohhh!

Hey, look who it is.

Hi, whitley.

Hello, Ronald.

Ooh!

You could freeze a side of beef
with that cold shoulder.

You know women.

Sometimes they just
wake up evil!

You seem
a little cranky yourself.

Did sweet Megan
turn sweet 'n' sour?

No, she's beautiful, man.

Should I put another toothbrush
on the shopping list?

I was crazy to let
whitley hook me up

and crazier for listening to you

colonel Taylor,
Walter, Mr. Gaines

and that ups man.

You're not going
to see her again?

I'm not saying that.

I don't see a future here.

There you go.

Ever since I've known you

some babe has had you
eating out of her shoe.

First Denise.

Then Suzanne.

The list is endless.

Ron...

It's your turn.

Make them pay.

The women had their decade.

This is the '90s.

The brothers are back!

El foldo.
I'm out.

If you want to see my hand

it will cost you another dollar.

I have a flush...

All right, kobie!

Right down the toilet.

All right.
All right.

Three kings.

Beat that!

Well, Walter, if you insist.

Ten...

Jack...

King...

Ace...

Queen.

Pay your taxes to the queen.

Walter, I believe you are
six dollars in the hole.

I'd be happy to make you a loan.

All right, last game.

Bet everything.

Winner take all.

This time we're playing
seven-card stud.

Make it nine.

Make it ten.

One-eyed Jacks.

Loco kings.

Everything's wild.

No rules!

Let's go get a pizza.

I can't afford it.

Oh, here.

Get yourselves a large.

It's on Walter.

Thanks, man.

Coming.

We have to talk.

Whitley, as much
as I hate the "f" word

your friendship
means too much to me.

I can't stand
all this tension between us.

Neither can I.

So I've come up

with the following
friendship rules.

I've thought a lot about this.

Someone thought about
the beanbag chair, too.

"Rule number one:

"No discussion
about each other's love life

until it's mutually
agreed upon."

Reason?

I can't deal with it... yet.

Ahem!

"No more fixing anybody up."

Reason?

You can't deal with it.

Oh!
Oh.

Mr. Chairman, I have a rule.

Please.

Real friends don't need rules.

As far as you're concerned

we're friends like you and Kim?

Yes!

Ah!

So you and Kim have kissed?

Every night

and twice on Sunday.

Dwayne

I know it's difficult

but I don't understand
why two mature adults

can't talk about
any and every thing

even love lives.

Okay, whitley.

We'll try it your way.

Thank you.

Oh! Marjorie Hicks
said to say hello.

Marjorie Hicks?

I'm taking her
to the consorts dance.

Oh.

Have a wonderful time

although you could do better
than that little snigglet

who has the class of a road hog.

Yeah, we'll have
some mature talks

about our love life.

I only said that

because you are
too decent for her.

Have some pride!

What was that again?

A little snigglet?

Oh, shut up.

Had I known things
would get so complicated

I would have never kissed you.

That's a lovely sentiment.

Think about it.

Every time we kissed,
it was during some disaster.

Walter and jaleesa's wedding.

We kissed in a blizzard.

I kept you warm, didn't I?

I just thought of a rule

that would knock out
all the other rules.

What is it?

You and I should
share one more kiss.

This way

we completely close the books
on our involvement.

Dwayne...
What?

No!
Why not?

I can't.

I have a boyfriend.

Hello? Did we forget?

I'm ready to kiss
this whole thing good-bye.

I'm not talking about

a tonsil-sucking, gum-surgery,
Jacques cousteau wet one.

Just a friendly smooch
between friends.

Kiss the baby.

No.

Give the baby a kiss.

Okay.

One friendly kiss.

Just one.

Mouths closed.

Mm-hmm.

That's it?

Bye, buddy.
Rules are rules.

Walter...

It has been a pleasure
playing poker with you.

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