A Different World (1987–1993): Season 3, Episode 11 - Under One Roof - full transcript

£ I know my parents loved me £

£ stand behind me
come what may £

£ I know now that I'm ready £

£ for I finally heard them say £

£ it's a different world £

£ than where you come from £

£ yes, it is now, yeah £

£ here's our chance to make it £

£ and if we focus on our goal £

£ you can dish it,
we can take it £

£ hey, just remember
that you've been told £



£ it's a different world £

£ it's a different world £

£ it's a different world £

£ than where you come from £

£ ooh £

£ than where you come from £

Wow.

Look at the light.

It's incredible.

Dean Hughes, are you
sure you don't wanna
inspect the dorm

when Walter is here?

Jaleesa, this is just a visit.

And if I stumble across a
violation

it's Walter's behind, not yours.



By the way, nice catch.

Thank you.

You know,
since the dorm went co-ed

the men and the women
have really been interacting...

On a gender-neutral basis,
of course.

That was incredible.

I've never created sparks
like that.

Want to try again?

Let me go grab some protection.

The next thing
that you are going to grab

is your trunk
and a bus ticket home.

Jaleesa, we were just testing
our chem project.

What kind of "protection"
do you need for that?

Lab goggles.

We run a very studious dorm.

Oh, whitley,
I'm so glad to see you.

Hello, Dean Hughes.

My dear, I love that ascot.

You have an incredible
sense of style.

And I know where you
got it, from
your mother.

Marian and I were
students here together

class of 1950...

Blub, blub, blub...

1960... blub, blub.

My mother's
three years behind you.

So she is.

Oh, whitley listen, I'm hosting
another one of my freshman teas

a week from Sunday.

I usually invite
two upper classmen

to spend the weekend,
to help me out and act
as my co-hosts.

Oh, Dean Hughes, I'd be honored.

Then I'll see you Saturday.

Okay, Kim, what does
this dress say to you?

Sophisticated or continental?

Dry clean only.

Whitley, you're going
to be spending two days

in Dean Hughes' kitchen.

Why don't you just wear
a pair of jeans?

Jeans?

I want to dazzle the woman.

You wanna dazzle someone
you've never liked?

I just said she was a
little eccentric.

I believe your exact words were

"she's a rastafarian wanna-be,
activist kook."

Like I said, eccentric.

Besides, that kook is the
only one

that can pick
a graduating senior

to be hillman's
ambassador abroad.

All that is a fancy name
for a student recruiter.

And you've been to Europe a
million times.

But not without my mama.

And not with a purpose.

Besides, last year's ambassador

was featured in ebony magazine.

Yeah, in the back

with the hair products.

Guess who's spending the weekend
at Dean Hughes' house.

Whitley told me.

How could she?

The Dean invited me
two seconds ago.

You?

Just think,

throwing a tea blowout
with Dean Hughes...

Very cool.

Winifred...

Leave your beer mug at home.

This will be an afternoon
of refinement and elegance.

You're right.

I should hem my good dress.

Can I borrow your scotch tape?

Uh, may I help you?

No thanks, I got it.

No, what you got is
the wrong house, bro.

Who are you?

Earl rabney.

I'm staying with Ron.

You must be one of his friend.

Yeah, the friend
that pays half his rent.

Dwayne?

Yeah.

Ron mentioned a roommate.

He mentioned it?

Now I know that voice.

Hillman radio.

You're Dwayne Wayne's
time machine.

I listen
to your show every week.

Well, I've received fan letters,
but never fan groceries, man.

I'm glad you mentioned that,
you fellows owe me $32.50.

What?!

You can pay me later, I know
where you live.

Congratulations,
Mr. Bran muffin.

You clogged the toilet again.

Hey, what's up
hey, what's up, Earl?

Earl tells me

we have a house guest.

Only for one night.

He's in my psych class.

And he just needed a
place to crash

you know, while they were
painting his apartment.

Next time you have a house guest

use another house.

We cannot afford
$32.50 for groceries.

Now, that reminds me. Earl,
where's my change?

Your change?

Oh I'm sorry, I forgot.

Ron fronted me the cash.

So, anybody in the mood
for my famous veal marsala?

All right, as long as it doesn't
have bran in it.

I love this house!

The way you mixed
all these antiques

with all this modern stuff.

It's so eclectic.

Freddie, please.

If you don't stop gushing

we'll have to call exxon
to clean up the spill.

I hope you take
a particular liking to this room

because for the next two days
this kitchen is your home.

Marc chagall!

He is the most upbeat artist
of the nice school.

It's a lovely poster.

Actually it's an original
lithograph.

That it is.

I know it belongs in the
lving room, but after I read the
morning paper

I need to look
at something uplifting.

Of course.

Freddie, have you ever been
to the chagall museum

on the French riviera?

No, I'd never left the southwest
until I came to hillman.

Well, get a passport
and go, girl.

That museum is going
to be my very first stop

when I go back there this
summer...

Unless, of course, I get
to Europe before then.

Put this bowl on the table.

Gladly.

Now, ladies

it's time to create
our own works of art.

We'll start the tea off with
baby quiche

duck salad,
salmon mousse with endive...

And we'll save our big guns
for dessert.

Petit fours.

Ooh, my, my!

Won't our guests be impressed?

What are we gonna serve
for beverages?

Freddie...

It's a tea.

Right.

I'm not one to brag

but on one
of my many European jaunts

I did study at the cordon bleu
cooking school, Paris.

I think I'd be more comfortable

making the duck salad.

Do you want that with
or without the baco-bits?

Without.
Without.

Ron! We've been robbed!

And he must be a sick thief.

He took all my boxer shorts.

Boxers with the bed sheets.

Is he great? This guy could give
laundry lessons to my mama.

Ay man, next time,
don't use that
fabric softener.

I hate it when my drawers
smell Daisy fresh.

Did our couch give birth
to a chair?

Oh, it's mine.

Yours?

You're welcome to sit in it.

What a guy.

Would I be welcome to ask what
is it doing here?

Of course. See, the painters
left my apartment windows open

and then it rained

which means the carpet
had to be pulled up

which means the furniture
had to be moved out.

Which means we have
a new roommate.

Temporarily.

Earl, we're in day nine of
temporary.

I better get the rest
of those bed sheets.

Laundry doesn't do itself.

By the way,
I need some quarters.

All I have is a 20.

Oh, cool

I'll make change.

Ron, this is getting
way out of hand.

D.w., stop...

And smell the waffles.

Is that blueberry waffles
with real..?

Don't pick. Earl doesn't
like it when you pick.

Enter!

Mr. Gaines, have
some chocolate cappuccino.

This isn't a social call.

Somebody complained
about a busted toilet.

Yeah, it's been leaking
for three days.

Now you see, I wouldn't have
to keep fixing it

if I had tenants
that knew how to flush.

You got to treat a toilet

like the precision instrument
that it is.

Excuse me.

Oh, if you're here about the
toilet, don't bother,

I fixed it this morning

oh, my goodness.

I just had to snaked the pipe
and rechained the float. It's
working fine.

Yeah, well, say...

Are you any good
with dishwashers?

The one next door

sounds like Louis Armstrong
with a cold.

Let me start this load of wash.

Yeah, alright.
I'll be right there.

See, now, I like that fellow.

You like him?

Yeah, he seems real nice...

And handy, too!

Oh, those petit fours
look gorgeous...

Except for this one.

It looks a little crooked.

That can't be!

Not to worry.

I'll fix it.

Now, if you'd like

this one looks
a little off kilter, too.

I couldn't possibly.

Do you know

what the calorie count
is for those?

Yes, and I don't care.

Oh...

I'm sorry about the quiches.

I'll get you another pan.

Not to worry.

The next batch
will turn out just fine.

Where should I dump this?

Put it in the recycling bins
under the sink.

You recycle?

Of course.

And I was very pleased
when you started

the recycling program on campus.

I, too, have done my share
to preserve the environment.

All of my checks are written
on recycled paper.

Every little bit counts.

Well, with the amount of checks
I write, it's no little bit.

Which is exactly the focus
of my article

on the obligation
of the individual

in a free society.

The one in the new republic.
I read that.

Your article

got me thinking about
how I could end world hunger.

I'm organizing this fast-a-thon.

And I thought maybe...

Excuse me.

You could be a sponsor
or even a faster.

I'll do both.

I, too, would love to join
the ranks of the fasters.

That's not what
you said yesterday.

You caught me at a bad time.

I was hungry.

I'll get that sign-up sheet.

Isn't she precious?

J'adore cette petite.

Quelle joie de vivre Elle a.

Tu parles francais?

Mais oui, child.

Ooh la la!

Well, Dean Hughes

continental woman
and continental woman.

Um... I have more than
just a passing interest

in representing hillman

in its recruitment
for foreign students.

You do?

And I don't mean to blow
my own French horn, so to speak

but I do think

that with my background,
good taste and sophistication

I'd be ideal
to represent hillman

as its ambassador abroad.

Oh, do you?

And I have a feeling that
you think so, too.

Whitley, this is not
a pleasure trip

or an ego trip.

I'm looking for someone

who is well-rounded,
dedicated, passionate...

Someone who's taken
full advantage

of the hillman experience.

And I just don't see that
in you yet.

I see.

I guess I just have
to make it to the chagall museum

on my own dime.

Why don't I dedicate myself
to freshening up a little bit?

Excuse me.

I cannot find that pledge sheet
for my fast-a-thon.

Have you seen it?

I ate it.

Oh, here it is.

Where are you going?

Not to Europe, that's for sure.

You're leaving?

Oh, please, don't act like
you'll miss me.

Now you'll have plenty of room
for your kiss-up-a-thon.

Kiss-up-a-thon?

"Oh, Dean Hughes,
I love your house."

"Oh, Dean Hughes,
I love that article."

"Oh, Dean Hughes,
I love your trash

and all
your trash bins."

Whitley, some of us happen
to care about the fate of this
planet.

There's no audience here
for your innocent bumbler act.

"I'm sorry
I banged into you."

"I was on my way
to save the planet"

"from people like whitley."

I know what's bothering you.

You're jealous

because the Dean and I
are really starting to connect.

Oh, please.

The only connection you
ever had with Dean Hughes

was when you tripped
and goosed her

with that salad fork.

Accidents happen.

Especially when you're around.

The Dean appreciates

my commitment
to the environment.

The Dean has
been patronizing you

since you walked
through that door.

Whitley...

Where are you going?

The petits fours are frosted
and the salmon is moussed.

And there is very little for
someone

with my shallow qualifications
to contribute.

Whitley, 'm sorry if
I hurt your feelings

but I had to be honest with you.

No.

No, you were absolutely right.

Three and a half years
at hillman

and I haven't learned one thing.

I didn't say that.

It's true.

I'm an art history major.

I can't tell the difference
between a cheap poster

and an original lithograph.

Oh, so is that what you want to
do?

You want to work in the art
field when you graduate?

No...

I don't know.

But the point is,
when I first came to hillman

I knew exactly
what I wanted to do...

Marriage the day
after graduation.

And my art history degree
was going to help me

so I could choose
just the right picture

to put over my sofa.

Now that doesn't seem
to be the answer anymore.

Well at least, you know what
you don't want to do.

Now, that's a start.

No.

I had a goal before Dean Hughes.

Now I'm going to end up
an old spinster

with a deaf poodle and
a chain of charm schools.

I don't think so.

You know, I'm not like Freddie.

I don't weep
over the ozone layer.

I don't spend my nights plotting
rescue missions for baby seals.

Well, neither do I,
and neither do most people.

And don't compare yourself
with Freddie.

She's a mess, too.

She's even more of a mess now.

I was a little mean to her.

Why?

She gets on my nerves.

Always so gung ho...

So free.

I mean, she's not afraid

to make a complete fool
of herself.

Let me ask you a question.

Have you ever grabbed a backpack

and driven across country?

Whatever for?

Gone skinny-dipping at midnight?

Dean Hughes!

Walking barefoot in the rain.

Have you ever
worn blue jeans to class?

I did think of doing that once.

Girl, are you 20 or 80?

Loosen up.

Have some fun.

I'm sure you'll discover
a world of things

you'd like to do.

Well, there is one thing
that I'd like to do.

What?

Eat one of those petit fours.

Girl, there's hope for you.

Dean Hughes,
I'm sorry and I'm leaving.

Oh, lord, have mercy.

I don't belong here.

I burned your quiche.

I littered your campus.

So if you'll just sign
my pledge sheet, I'm gone.

No.

I thought bringing
you two together

would help you
discover your strengths.

Instead, I'm the m.C.
At a pity party.

You're right.

I have too much self-pity.

And I have a big mouth.

Have a seat.

And have a petit four.

I can cook.

Walter, we should have
whooped those dudes.

We had the height.

We had the speed.

Yeah, but we had you.

Whoa, look at this place, man.

The roaches must have
got tired of the filth

and called
the health department.

Stop bouncing that ball.

Earl just vacuumed.

Earl?

Our houseguest from heaven.

Earl rabney?

You know him?

Don't tell me you fell
for the galloping gourmet?

What do you mean fell for it?

Ah, man, he's the mooch master
general of hillman college.

Since he's flunked out,
he's put the bite on two dorms

and three frat houses.

Nah, nah.
Ron!

Must be a different Earl rabney.

The one I know is in my
psych class.

No, he's not in the class, he
sits in the room.

That's how he finds victims.

That's us, Ron!

We are not victims.

Oh, wait till you see
your next long distance
phone bill.

It will read like the roll call
at United Nations.

But by that time

he'll be fricasseeing
some other fools.

Your mother's picture
is all over the yearbook

and she wasn't even a senior.

Mama always was a camera hog.

People sure looked weird
in the 1950's.

I know, look at me.
Oh, hmm, hmm, hmm.

You look wonderful!

What happened to your..?

Honey, do you know
how many cans of hair spray

it took to hold up that beehive?

Don't you tell anybody

but my do caused that hole

in the ozone layer.

Ooh, look what I found.

A petit four!

Give it to me!

It's my house!

It's my house!

Okay.

We'll divide by three.

I'll carve.

Ooh, that song takes me back.

1964... Eddie garvin.

My girlfriends hated him,
but they never kissed him.

Did you?

£ ...My guy £

my, my!

£ nothing you can do
'cause I'm stuck like glue £

£ to my guy £

£ my guy £

£ I'm sticking to my guy
like a stamp to a letter £

£ like the birds of a feather £

£ we'll stick together £

£ I'm telling you
from the start £

£ I can't be torn
apart from my guy £

come on, whitley.

We'll help you.

We'll background.

£nothing you can do
can make me untrue to my guy £

£ my guy £

£ nothing you can buy can
make me tell a lie to my guy £

£ oh, yeah! £

£ ...Might be a movie star £

oh...

£ ...To be thankful £

£ we are... £

Oh! Look who we have here.

Thought you could sneak in
while we were out

and get your stuff, huh?

Hey, I wasn't sneaking anywhere.

You got that right.

Run down and check the mail
for the phone bill.

It's Sunday.

Then we'll wait.

Yeah.

And you know, there's also
the not-so-smart issue

about the money
you owe us for your share
of the food.

Guys, I'm just moving down
to my new apartment.

Who's your new sucker de jour?

Come on, Earl.

We don't have all day.

Oh, my goodness!

You got a problem?

Talk to your building's
new live-in superintendent.

Him?

He really knows

his way around a toilet.

Now, now, don't just
stand there.

Come on help the boy move.

Earl, I bet you could
teach these fellows

a thing or two about manners.

From now on,
no more houseguests.

Yeah, even the roaches
go home at night.

Hi, Freddie.

Hi.

Have you had breakfast?

Uh, no.

I'll be down in a minute.

Great.

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