A Different World (1987–1993): Season 2, Episode 16 - It's Greek to Me - full transcript

Dwayne and Ron's friendship is strained after they pledge a fraternity.

£ I know my parents love me £

£ stand behind me
come what may £

£ I know now that I'm ready £

£ for I finally heard them say £

£ it's a different world £

£ than where you come from £

£ yes, it is now, yeah £

£ here's our chance to make it £

£ and if we focus on our goal £

£ you can dish it,
we can take it £

£ hey, just remember
that you've been told £



£ it's a different world £

£ it's a different world £

£ it's a different world £

£ than where you come from £

£ ooh £

£ than where you come from £

quack!

Quack!

Quack!

Quack!

Quack!

Quack!

Quack!

Pledges!



Good afternoon, big brothers
of kappa lambda nu fraternity

of the...

Live...
Live...
Live...

Live...
Live...

Xi beta chapter,
hillman college, sirs!

Listen up, roaches.

I want this area clean enough

for me to eat off the ground.

If I can't, you will.

I can't bear watching
Dwayne waddle.

He's been waddling for weeks.

Get used to it.

We'll go through it next year

when we pledge a sorority.

I won't.

I'm not humiliating myself
for gamma lamma anything.

You didn't find it humiliating

to go to all their parties.

Okay, pledges.

Front and center.

Let me hear the story.

We are the pledges
of kappa lambda nu

established to serve in 1922

whatever we're told
is what we do

we're no better than stuff
scraped off a shoe.

Dead battery.

Yes, big brother
chip St. Charles?

Why...

Is your name dead battery?

Because I have no juice
on this campus, sir.

No juice.

History question.

How many cans did
kappa lambda nu collect

in last year's food drive?

1,352 cans,
big brother Sam Lee, sir.

Wrong, dead battery.

Dead wrong.

Parasite!

1,362 cans, sir.

Correct, as usual.

But parasite hasn't considered

whether a right answer
is more important

than making his pledge brother

look more stupid.

That was not my intent.

We are equally stupid, sir.

You are two miserable excuses

for pledges.

Whitley, hi.

Hello, Samuel.

You look nice.

It's clever

how your jacket and skirt match.

It's a suit.

Right.

Get a load of big brother
sorry rap!

You two pitiful pledges
find something funny?

No, sir!
No,
sir!

Since you're so happy

for the next eight hours

you inchworms will smile.

You like that idea, brownnose?

I love it!

Sir.

Don't worry, be happy.

Inside!

Couldn't you two
pledge the circus?

Smile when you say that.

You losers could use
some smartening up.

Go over there and think.

Hut!

Dwayne, what are you thinking?

I'm thinking

why are we doing this?

The two b's...

Brotherhood
and business connections.

Which lead to big bucks.

Don't forget the three d's...

Delightful delta ducks.

Lots of delta ducks.

You're giving me the two h's...

Horrendous headache.

Once you're initiated
you won't be

little brother dead battery.

You'll be

big brother eveready.

I like that.

Keep talking.

The bus from the youth center
will be here at 12:30

so we need the food
by 12:00.

We can't have hungry children
with no food.

The magician's
coming at 1:00?

Yeah.

Actually, not
1:00 exactly.

Exactly when will he be here?

I just talked
to the amazing Albert's wife

and it seems our magician
has disappeared.

Did our deposit
disappear with him?

I think so.

He ran off with his assistant,
delectable Dolores.

Now what do we do?

His wife will do her act.

Great. What
does she do?

She's a stripper.

But she juggles
while she strips.

When you clean whitley's room

dust her perfume bottles.

And remember her
favorite fragrances.

Yes, sir!

And this time

don't rearrange
her underwear drawer.

Yes, big brother Sam, sir.

You're not smiling.

That's because

we can't rearrange
her underwear, sir.

Out of my sight, fleabags.

Quack!

Quack!

Quack!

Sam, about tomorrow...

My pledges will be here early

with decorations.

Great, but by any chance

do any of them juggle?

With their clothes on?

I'll check.

They're squeaky clean.

Let's go.

You call that clean?

You didn't dust
the perfume bottles.

Dusted.

You're not
taking this seriously.

This is the Princess
of perfection's room.

The only dust is on your mop.

Let's hit the books

so we can do some
delta duck hunting.

Pass on the delta duck hunting.

Big brother Sam
gave us a job to do.

I know why you like this.

It's another reason
not to study.

That is a falsehood and untruth.

To be a lambda nu
you need a c+ average.

If I get that "a" in volleyball

I am in.

Then why aren't you
as wiped out as I am?

Because of this, instant coffee.

Drinking coffee's
your big secret?

No, I eat it.

It goes right
to the bloodstream.

Try it.

That's nasty!

Get away.

No, it isn't.

Not again.

Get out.

Out!

Let us clean

or we'll get in trouble.

Please?

Okay, you may stay.

But you will tell me
which big brother

put you up to these shenanigans.

No can do.

We would be breaking
a sacred trust.

Big brother Sam Lee.

Aw, man!

Sam?

This mister is on you, sister.

I wondered why every time
he sees me

he sweats like a swine.

Remember that night
we serenaded you?

The night I didn't sleep?

Your insomnia was a gift

from Sam Lee.

Dwayne...

Ron, she can help us.

Whitley, butter him up,
find out if we'll get in.

I am not your mayflower madame.

I'm ashamed of you.

How could you ask her
to be so dishonorable

so tacky, so...

The man's trying to bust us.

We won't get in.

Wear something hot

with a low top and a high bottom

and wear some open-toed shoes.

Why don't I show up naked
with a feather boa?

If I don't get in,
my daddy will kill me.

If you don't get out,
I'll kill you.

I've been through
five weeks of hell.

I'm not going through
another minute

unless I know I'm getting in.

Have mercy on us, please.

What's in it for me?

Whitley, hi there.

Hello, Samuel.

Pledge maggots,
why are you in here?

Making sure her feet
never touch dirt, sir.

Thanks to your pledges

and the wonderful man
that sent them here

my feet are completely clean.

Is it getting warm in here?

Very hot, sir.

Like a Swedish sauna, sir.

You're putting on a show

for the kids from
the youth center tomorrow.

Sir, did you forget
we're doing decorations?

No.

Sir, our hands are full.

We would be happy

to be overloaded with work, sir.

Then smile.

I want the kids smiling, too.

Oh, Samuel

there's something irresistible

about a civic-minded
socially conscious man

like yourself.

I'm burning up in here.

Thank you!
Thank you!

Thank you is not enough.

This is going
to cost you two dearly.

I'll wash your car for a month.

I'll do your chemistry homework.

You do my chemistry homework.

You can wash my car.

Would you take
a less active shower?

It's not a bird bath.

I couldn't shower for days.

There's a lot to do in here.

There's a lot to do out here.

Six chapters of poli sci

and the history
of kappa lambda nu.

I still don't know
what to do for those kids.

I like my idea
of human checkers.

Paint the floor
with black and red squares

and the kids learn the game

while they are the game.

You should start eating decaf.

Look who's here.

Evening, big brother Sam.

Good evening,
big brother Sam Lee, sir.

Have an idea for your show?

Yes, sir.

Human checkers.

We paint the floor red and black

and have the kids hop around

like they're checkers.

That's your idea?

What about human monopoly, sir?

It would pain me

if I couldn't recommend
pathetic pledges for membership.

Sir, I promise

by tomorrow we'll
depatheticize ourselves.

You don't smell

as bad as your line brother?

Yes, sir, he does, sir.

Every bit as funky as I am, sir.

Aren't pledges supposed
to do everything together?

Yes, sir, but...

Ron, man!

Quick thinking.

Dumb but quick.

I take that
as a compliment, sir.

You're clean now;
Get out.

Dead battery,
since you're all wet

why don't you
roll around on the floor

and mop this place up?

Make sure he gets the corners.

Yes, sir.

That's it.

We are through being janitors
for big brother sweathead.

What do you mean?

We are quitting.

We're almost lambda nus.

I got lambda news for you.

We've taken

our first and last
shower together.

Let's go.

Is there water in your ears?

Let's go.

I'm staying.

Without me?

I thought we were
in this together.

Now we're out of this together.

I'm not taking any more flack

from that punk.

He's testing us.

You're losing sight
of the big picture.

Am I?

As lambda nus

we'll have
a nationwide brotherhood.

Wherever we go in this country

someone will look out for us.

Do you want a nation
of Sammy clammys

looking out for you?

People look up to lambda nus.

How can they?

I'm walking like a duck.

I can't look up to myself.

My father wouldn't
be in business

if it weren't for his brothers.

I'd never lick anybody's boots.

Are we out?

No, we are not

and I never licked
anybody's boots.

Fine, be a frat brat.

Make your daddy happy.

You're doing this without me.

I've been doing it without you
for the last five weeks.

Punk.

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Dwayne, operation clammy Sammy
was a total success.

What?

I got the four-one-one
on your pledges.

He said you and Ron
were virtual shoo-ins.

Isn't that great.

There's more.

Sam said that Ron is
the best pledge he's ever seen.

Well, rumpty-doo!

Is that some secret
fraternity code word

for "thank you,
magnificent whitley"?

I don't think
I'm cut out for lambda nu.

Maybe I didn't express
myself clearly.

You and Ron are shoo-ins.

All you have to do is put
on that show for the kids.

Maybe I didn't express
myself clearly.

I quit!

No, you don't.

Not after what
I did for you tonight.

I have done something tonight

that I have never done before.

I ate at moo burger.

Well, whitley that was
very nice of you.

I gave my order
to a man wearing a cow head.

They brought my food
on a wheel barrow

and made me eat
with a miniature pitchfork.

All of this,
while sitting across from a man

who was evaporating
before my eyes.

It wasn't for nothing.

Super-pledge Ron Johnson
will be thrilled.

Excuse me?

When Ron was born
the doctor slapped him.

He said, "please,
sir, slap me again."

So Ron is not dropping out
with you?

He wouldn't leave
the xi beta chapter

of kappa lambda nu, incorporated

a nationwide brotherhood
of idiots.

Which you were mopping
your tail off to join.

I've come to my senses.

Unlike some who need
purple jackets

and nicknames and handshakes
to be somebody.

I wish Ron and his brothers
the best of luck.

You certainly sound like you do.

What is that supposed to mean?

Don't worry.

Ron will keep in touch

when he moves
into a fraternity house.

You think he might do that?

Why not?

You've given him about as
much support as a training bra.

Settle down!

We're going to
start the show, okay?

Everybody have a seat.

Boys and girls,
I know you were hoping

to see the amazing Albert today
and so was his wife.

But we have got something
better than a magic show.

Dion.

Dion, honey, get down.

I'll get him.

The men from kappa lambda nu...

That's these gentlemen
in the purple and white...

They have put together
something very special for you.

We are going
to see a puppet show!

Puppets are for babies.

Freddie, would you sit on him?

We are going to hear the story
of little red riding hood.

You know that one, right?

Yay!

Okay, well...

Everybody, it's show time!

Once upon a time,
in the dark part of the forest

a girl named
little red riding hood

lived with her mother

who did nothing but
bake cookies all day long.

I love to bake cookies.

I want a cookie!

Chocolate chip cookies,
oatmeal cookies

raisin cookies,
peanut butter cookies...

How many cookies
did you put in here?

Just read the words!

Why don't you take a basket
of cookies to grandma?

You can take chocolate chip,
oatmeal, raisin...

Oh, this is brilliant.

At least I didn't jump ship

like that dead battery roommate
of yours.

Kelly, it's not really polite
to read during the show.

Can I take a nap?

Hello.

This isn't a musical!

Settle down and enjoy the show.

I want to go upstairs!

I want to go to the bathroom!

Me, too.

Okay, hold it!

Little people, we're going
to take a brief intermission

but we'll be right back.

So don't break anything!

They were just
getting into this.

We were getting swamp sounds.

I've got an idea.

It can't be any worse than this.

£ come on boys and girls
let me hear you clap £

£ because you're about to hear
the red riding hood rap £

£ now she was on her way
to grandma's house £

£ which seemed like
quite a safe bet £

£ till down the road
came Mr. Wolf £

£ in his '89 red corvette £

£ hey, miss hood,
you're looking so good £

£ how's about a little ride? £

£ you see, my corvette's
got air-conditioning £

£ and it's sure
mighty hot outside £

£ sorry, Mr. Wolf,
my mom would not approve £

£ of course I must obey her £

£ even though your c.D. Player
is booming quite a groove £

£ Wolfie floored the 'vette
and off he went £

£ he went straight
to grandma's pad £

£ he climbed in
through a window £

£ punched granny in the eye £

£ and he put on
grandma's plaid £

£ just as he did,
he heard a knock £

£ "come in," old Wolfie said £

£ it's me, grandma,
red riding hood £

£ I've come through
the fields and briar £

£ to bring to you some cookies
and your national enquirer £

£ hey there, red,
what's that you said? £

£ my hearing is so poor.

£ come a little
closer, my dear £

£ so I can see you
a little more £

£ grandma, what
big eyes you have £

£ why do you lick your lips? £

£because I'm ready right now
to eat you, my dear £

£ right down to
your fingertips £

£ little red was faster
than old Wolfie could imagine £

£ she jumped into
his red corvette £

£ and gunned that baby's
engine £

£ the only thing that day
that old Wolfie got to eat £

£ was a mouthful of
that corvette's dust £

£ as red tore down the street £

£ ho ho £

£ as red tore down the street£

£ ho ho £

£ as red tore down the street£

£ ho ho £

£ as red tore down the street£

All right!

Okay, brothers.

The first round of pizza
is on me.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Dwayne.

Join us for pizza?

I'm going to the library.

Ron-o, got a minute, man?

I guess so.

Got that roach
off your forehead.

Congratulations.
You're in.

Thanks.

I'll see you.

I wore out a pair
of high tops today.

Now that's a news flash.

I wore them out looking for you.

You found me.

You left your wolf teeth
back at the show.

Now I'm going to eat you,
my dear.

Right down to your fingertips.

I did it better.

People say you
leave stuff behind

because you want to go back.

I just forgot them.

That's another reason
people leave stuff behind.

What if I say I'm sorry
and you say that's cool

and we go shoot hoops?

Oh, man.

Ron, look.

I'm sorry.

It bugged me how you were
getting those kudos from Sam.

Which is why I acted
how I acted.

Like a jackass.

Yeah.

Do you want back in?

No.

I can talk to clammy Sammy.

It's not for me.

I'd hoped we could
do this together.

You know, brothers.

I'm already your brother.

I know that.

You'll be fine with them.

I know that, too.

You don't think I know things,
but I do.

I know.

I know things
you don't know I know.

I know that, too.

Act like it.

They're playing your song.

I guess I'd better go.

I still say human checkers
was a good idea.

Somehow I figured you would.

£ laughing through
the good times £

£ living through the bad times £

£ brothers we will be £

£ kappa lambda nu £

£ always you and me £

£ kappa lambda nu £

£ we stand fast £

£ we stand tall £

£ we stand together £

£ we can never fall £

£ if you need a helping hand
through trouble or despair... £

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