A Different World (1987–1993): Season 2, Episode 13 - Risky Business - full transcript

Clair Huxtable gives a business etiquette seminar at Hillman.

£ I know my parents love me £

£ stand behind me
come what may £

£ I know now that I'm ready £

£ for I finally heard them say £

£ it's a different world £

£ than where you come from £

£ yes, it is now, yeah £

£ here's our chance to make it £

£ and if we focus on our goal £

£ you can dish it,
we can take it £

£ hey, just remember
that you've been told £



£ it's a different world £

£ it's a different world £

£ it's a different world £

£ than where you come from £

£ ooh £

£ than where you come from £

Vanessa, pay close attention.

You have to keep your baggage...

Vanessa?

I'm ready.

I want you down here.

The plane does not
make house calls.

Do you realize the significance
of this weekend?

Tell me the significance
of this weekend.



Hillman homecoming queen
Clair Hanks

returns as grandma huxtable.

Theo, do you like your life?

I know the real reason you're
taking Vanessa to hillman.

It's a job fair weekend.

I'm conducting
my business etiquette seminar.

I thought Vanessa and Kara
might enjoy a change.

It's not because you're trying
to con Vanessa into going there?

We would be happy

if one of our children
graduated from our Alma mater.

You're going about it all wrong.

You, dad and grandpa have been
giving us the hillman hard-sell

since we were kids.

Look what happened.

Sondra went to Princeton.

I'm going to n.Y.U.

Denise is going down an African
river in a pygmy canoe.

You might be going down
that same river without a canoe.

Mom and dad think hillman
is a great place to visit

but they don't
want you going there.

Great, I'm going to
the university of Texas.

You're going to hillman.

You'll graduate
and you'll love it.

Yes, ma'am.

Hey!

I am so jazzed.

Let's think about college.

Besides hillman there's spelman,
Fordham and Howard

Northwestern, Michigan and Ohio.

We'll be gone for two days.

Pace yourself.

That porch is incredible!

I could spend hours on it.

I could read, do my homework
or just stare at the stars.

Does her mouth ever overheat?

Not to the point of stalling.

Gilbert hall.

Every time I come back here,
it's like coming home.

Nothing has changed.

Even the wallpaper's the same.

My room used to be
the first on the right.

Where did Dr. Huxtable live?

On this step right here.

This hall was constructed
in 1925.

The college dates back to 1880.

We read the handbook.

Oh.

Mrs. Huxtable.

Jaleesa!

It's so good to see you again.

Good to see you.

You know Vanessa...

Vanessa?

Jaleesa.

Hi.

This is Vanessa's friend Kara.

Nice to meet you.

How is Denise?

She's just fine.

We miss her so much.

Yes.

It's good of you
to put them up for the weekend.

Where are we staying?

Our roommates went skiing.

One of you can stay with me
and the other with whitley.

This is so cool!

It's like we're
really in college!

Well, we are in
college but not in college.

It would be criminal
to separate these two.

Absolutely.

Let's share my room.

Good idea.

We get our own room!

You really don't
have to do this.

Yes, we do.

Sign.

Sign.

Stapler.

Stapler.

Screwdriver.

What do you need
a screwdriver for?

I just stapled myself
to the sign.

Sometimes you do things
I've only seen in cartoons.

This is the company I'll be
interning for this summer...

Kinishewa electronics.

They make video games...
Dr. Zap and q-master doom.

Get me some cartridges...
If you get the job.

If?

Who got an "a" in
advanced computer graphics?

Who do they call
when the lab breaks down?

Who is hillman's
resident computer genius?

Eunice harps?

No.

Thad mumford?

No!

Uh...

Me, stupid!

Yeah, that's you.

By the end of the summer

people across the nation will
be revving up their joysticks

to play my new game...
Dwayne-tendo.

Ms. Huxtable...

Or should I say
"grandmama huxtable"?

I'll just say congratulations.

Thank you, Dwayne.

That would be the safest thing.

I got a job interview.

I'll get my foot
out of my mouth.

That could take some doing.

Clair Hanks?

Puppy?

Puppy Dalton!

Girl, look at you.

You haven't changed a bit.

You didn't have to say that.

But I'm glad you did.

How long has it been?

The last time I saw you

you had your degree
in your hand, yelling

"summa cum laude!

Deal with that!"

I should have been yelling

"Clair Hanks,
will you marry me?"

I think you yelled
the right thing.

That guy you were going with...

What's his name...
Skinny little guy.

Tried to run track.

Something huxtable.

Whatever happened to him?

I married him.

And he let you
come down here alone?

Kinishewa electronics.

You're with them.

Down here recruiting?

Summer interns for
our computer graphics division

and with any luck

a lunch companion
this afternoon.

I'm conducting a seminar
on business etiquette.

It wouldn't look good
if I was late.

I was right.

You haven't changed a bit.

And neither have you.

For every job,
there are 20 other applicants

whose resumes look
as good as yours or better.

They didn't have the sense
to take my seminar.

That's funny.

You should have the sense

not to try kissing up
to the interviewer.

If you make it past
that first interview

the second will probably
be in a restaurant.

If you're thinking
"lunch time, chow down"

think again.

Everything you say, do and eat

will be scrutinized completely.

Pass these down.

You're at the table
with the interviewer.

These are your menus.

You'll make a little small talk.

Excuse me, ma'am.

About this small talk...
What is it?

Quincy, it's simple.

Talk about your accomplishments,
your hobbies.

But leave out how you won
that cow chip toss.

Bravo, Mr. Johnson, bravo.

Loud and wrong again.

You find out what interests
the interviewer.

If it's cow chip throwing,
you talk cow chips.

Did you write that down?

Did you?

Can I borrow a pencil?

Mr. Adams, the waiter's
at your table.

What is your selection, please?

Linguini marinara.

Very good.

This is your spot
of marinara sauce

that the interviewer will
look at the rest of the lunch.

I happen to be
a very neat eater.

Not today, darlin',
you're nervous.

Mr. Johnson,
what will you be having?

I'll have the escargot,
the imperial crab

and the baked Alaska for dessert

and a glass of your
finest beaujolais.

That's wine.

You've ordered the most
expensive items on the menu.

I know.

The company's
picking up the tab.

Enjoy your snails,
Mr. Beaujolais.

This will be your last supper
with the company.

Mrs. Huxtable

where I come from we don't have
any foreign restaurants.

We don't have anyrestaurants.

When in doubt,
order the fish of the day.

I don't like fish.

Eat it and suffer in silence.

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I could live
and die in this place.

I vote for live.

Excuse me.

We have to nibble and run
if we're going to catch

the sculpture court
and the hillman hall of history.

I know one thing we have to do.

What's that?

Ditch whitley.

I thought we'd never
leave that Rose garden.

I'm sure it's nice
when the flowers are alive.

Who cares what bush
her aunt planted?

We told your mom
we'd spend the day with her.

It feels like a month already.

The day is only half...

Over.

Ladies.

Next on the agenda is
the presidents' pavilion...

Row after row of bronze busts.

I'm sure that is very moving.

But Kara and I have homework.

Homework..?

Yes!

So we can go to chapel.

As a reward for
doing your homework

I'll treat you to dinner.

The huckleberry inn has
an all-you-can-eat scrod fry.

Ooh, I hate to miss a scrod fry

but we told jaleesa
we'd have dinner with her.

You're in luck.

Jaleesa loves
an all-you-can-eat anything.

How can you keep
a straight face?

When I lie, I get nervous.

That's why I'll do
the talking from now on.

This campus is ours!

What do you want to see first?

How about the rec center?

How about fraternity row?

Here you are.

Would you two like
to go out for some pizza?

I love pizza.

No, it's such a shame.

We told whitley
we'd have dinner with her.

Oh, yes, we did.

Okay.

Watch out.

Don't let her take you
to that nasty scrod fry.

You just got off being grounded.

Your mother will kill you,
and then she'll kill me.

It will be worth it.

Excuse me.

Did Ron leave?

Yes, thankfully.

Are you all right?

From now on, I'm doing
job interviews by phone.

We shook hands, and
I knocked his pencils over.

That happens to people.

Do they spill the coffee when
they're picking up the pencils?

Sayonara, kinishewa.

Kinishewa.

Was the victim
of your clumsiness

a Mr. Phillip Dalton?

Senior vice-president
in charge of not hiring me.

He's a good friend of mine.

Let me talk to him.

Would you?

You're a goddess, a queen.

If I get this job

I'll name a computer game
after you...

Clair-tendo.

Please, Dwayne, honey.

Not so close
to this water pitcher.

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god.

What?

Those two guys
who just walked in.

I'm going to faint.

The guy in the flip-top glasses
is a babe.

No, the little one with the hat.

He's got a moustache.

Don't tell my mother,
but I love this school.

Of all the things to spill
on a vice-president...

Coffee, black coffee.

Dwayne, skirt alert.

Why does my name
have to rhyme with "stain"?

Will you chill?

You got dragon-lady huxtable
in your corner.

May I direct your attention
to table number one?

I see two girls

who look too young
for us to be looking at.

You should spend more time
in the freshman dorm.

What you see is
the unjaded face of youth.

I see our faces on a mug shot.

They're coming over.

You wanted them to come over.

But I didn't think they would.

Hello, ladies.

You seem to be alone.

I'm Ron Johnson.

This is Dwayne Wayne.

You're Dwayne Wayne?

I'm Vanessa... huguenot

and this is my friend nanon.

She's from Paris.

She only speaks French.

Huh?

Oui.

We just transferred
from the sorbonne.

The sorbonne.

No wonder you speak
French so well.

Oui.

May I interest you two
in a beverage?

That would be very nice.

A coffee for me
and for nanon, une decaf.

Oui.

Back in une flash.

I'll help him carry une tray.

What did you tell them
that goofy story for?

Dwayne was crazy for Denise.

If he knew I was
her little sister

he'd pat us on the head.

Why did you pick French?

I'm studying German.

German is not a sexy language.

Men love French women.

Just keep smiling
and saying oui.

They named a whole kind
of kissing after the French.

How lucky can one get?

I'm telling you they look young.

Two young women
from France want us.

Tell me you've got
something better to do.

Mon frere and I

would love to paint
the town Rouge with vous.

Pick a language,
one language, man.

What do you say?

Rouge is our color.

Oui?

Oui.

Oui.

Us, we.

I like that.

Clair...

These kids are sharp.

One of those bright students
is a family friend.

Who's that?

Dwayne Wayne.

Mr. Coffee?

Put that tone of voice away.

He's a bright student.

He'd be a great asset
to your company.

Just don't ask him
to make coffee.

What are you laughing at?

Nothing.

I'm just enjoying this.

Enjoying what?

It's taken 25 years.

Finally, you're going
to have dinner with me.

Oh, am I?

If Dwayne is this bright,
I want to know all about him.

Everything.

So... how is the
mandalay inn

7:30

a nice quiet table
by the window?

I have no problem having
a business dinner with you

to discuss Dwayne Wayne's
qualifications

his future with your company

and you're the worst!

Oh, make that 7:00.

We'll have drinks.

Lots of drinks.

I just opened that
to get some fresh air.

Any moment a herd of seals

are going to waddle
through here.

Whitley, it is stuffy in here,
and I am falling asleep.

Sleep is exactly

what I was
deprived of last night

because you were
grinding your teeth.

You had no problem sleeping.

I was the one
who was serenaded all night

by madame whitley
and her all-nostril orchestra.

I have never snored.

If I did last night

it was an allergic reaction

to that drugstore
discount perfume

you put on with a plant sprayer.

You know, whitley

your hospitality is going
to get one of us killed.

I'm going across that hall

and tell those girls
they're splitting up tonight.

Eating with you

wasn't punishment enough?

I didn't take them to dinner.

You did.

Jaleesa, I ate alone
at that scrod bar.

Then...

Would you...

This is my best dress!

That's your best dress?

Is our table ready?

In just a couple of minutes.

So...

Tell me about Dwayne Wayne.

Well, he's a sophomore...

The job is his.

Don't you want to know
why you hired him?

I looked over his resume...
When it dried.

The young man is going places.

He's going to be so happy.

Not as happy as I am

sitting across from
lovely Clair Hanks.

Huxtable.

Of course. Yes.

Your mouth still gets
that curl in the corner

when you get embarrassed.

The table must be ready.

I was too eager back then, too.

That's why
you called me "puppy."

Actually,
cliff gave you that name.

That figures.

He never liked me.

Couldn't stand you.

Did he have good reason
not to like me?

Oh, puppy.

Your table is ready.

Oh.

Well?

Well, the table is ready.

We're not eating anything

until you answer the question.

Puppy...

I have always been
attracted to you.

I knew it.

For 25 years

I have been in love
with heathcliff huxtable.

It won't last.

Let's eat.

How did you
remember those pencils?

Have you seen these prices?

In my wallet, I have $12
and my organ donor card.

You can't take French women

to a place where
they announce your order

over a loudspeaker.

Ooh, good music.

Let's dance.

Voulez-vous boogie avec moi?

Oui.

Where is the ladies' room?

Par la, madame.

Thank you.

Excuse me, may I cut in here?

Oh, Mrs. Huxtable.

This is my date,
Vanessa huguenot.

Looks just like
a daughter I used to have.

Mom, don't get upset...

Mom!

You wanted me to love hillman.

Dwayne has done a lot
to make me love...

I haven't done a thing.

I can explain.

What kind of French is that?

It is French for, "I don't know
whose clothes you're wearing

but your behind is mine."

I want to go to hillman now.

Pity, Vanessa.

You'll be attending
a convent school

in a remote part of Bulgaria.

I really didn't like that table.

We'll have to wait
a few more minutes.

Mom...

Who's this?

I'll take
a rain check on dinner...

Dinner!

Dinner, darling!

D-i-n-n-e-r!

I have to lock up these
street urchins in the dormitory

but you can enjoy a meal

with your future summer intern,
Mr. Dwayne Wayne.

I'll try not
to order anything wet.

One day I'll take you up
on that rain check.

Oh, I hope so.

Mom, you never
said who that was.

If you live past tonight
to become a mother of five

a grandmother of two

and can still wear
a size eight dress

maybe then
you'll deserve to know.

If I've only
been here 20 minutes

do I have to pay for parking?

Oui, monsieur.

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