A.N.T. Farm (2011–2014): Season 1, Episode 8 - ReplicANT - full transcript

Hello, Chyna. You're
looking very lovely today.

You're so sweet.

And handsome. And charming.
And...

Don't speak...

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Yeah.

Hey, guys, I have big news!

There's a new Ant
joining us today.

'is name is Nigel and
'e is from England.

That's my British accent.



It eez spot on, don't
you think, governor?

Well, it's better than
your Australian accent.

Good-a day-a, mate.

Throw-a another shrimp-a
on the barbie-a.

So this Nigel, did
he just move here?

Not exactly.

'ello, I'm Nigel.
Good to meet you.

Welcome to the Ant Farm.

That's my Swedish accent.

Gibson, you didn't mention

that there was something
unusual about Nigel.

Sure, I did. I told
you he was British.

No, I mean he's a robot.

Chyna!



We do not use labels
here in the Ant Farm.

Which is why I occasionally
shmear paste on my bagel.

I'm not a robot.

I'm in England speaking to you
through this tele-presence device,

equipped with gyropscopic wheels, HD
webcam, and an mp3 player for karaoke.

Interestingly enough,

karaoke does not
originate from Japan,

but rather from a 196os
American television show.

Sing Along with Mitch.

You two should get along.

You're a human in a robot body

and Olive's a robot
in a human body.

Thank you.

Well, you seem very nice.
For a robot.

Because usually in the movies,

No, we only do that
once we determine

that humans are useless beings
, worthy of elimination.

It looks like that
day may be upon us.

♪ Ooh, ooh Doo, doo

♪ Ooh, ooh Doo, doo

Whoo!

♪ Everybody's got that thing

♪ Something different
we all bring

♪ Don't you let 'em
clip your wings

♪ You got it You got it

♪ We're on fire and we blaze

♪ In extraordinary ways

♪ 365 days

♪ We got it We got it

♪ You can dream it

♪ You can be it

♪ If you can feel it

♪ You can believe it

♪ 'Cause I am, you are, we are

♪ Exceptional Exceptional

♪ Yeah, I am, you are, we are

♪ Exceptional Exceptional

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

Whoo!

There. I got the thorn
out of your paw,

but now you owe me a favor.

No, I'm not going
to kiss it better.

So, Nigel, of your classes yet?

I just took everything
that's on the first floor.

Hmm. Angus did the same thing.

How am I supposed to get
room four in 10 minutes?

So, what's your talent?

Vacuuming carpets?

I'll show you.

The measure done, I'll
watch her place of stand.

And touching hers, make
blessed my rude hand.

Did my heart love till now?

Forswear it, sight!

For I ne'er saw true beauty

till this night.

Wow, you're an amazing actor.

Big deal.

Any robot can do Shakespeare.

You want to impress us,

let's see you transform
into a truck.

Show off!

So what's so important that
you had to show me in person?

I was in the middle
of a big case.

Of caramel corn.

Check it out. I got the
high score on Donkey King!

You're kidding me!

I used to play this
when I was your age!

Really?

Yeah, I was into all the games.

Snac-Man, Froggie,
Space Inf esters.

Check out my initials.

C.O.P.

Yeah, you've got second place.

What?

O.D.D.?

Who's Odd?

I am!

Olive Daphne Doyle.

How'd you get such a high score?

I just memorized all
the game patterns.

But there are like 10,000
different patterns.

Yeah, that's why it was so easy.

Do you mind? I want
to play again.

Maybe I'll beat
my own high score

and bump you down to third.

Dad, do something! Arrest her!

For what?

All of a sudden you
need a reason?

Okay, Olive.

You think you're so great?

There's a Donkey King
tournament tomorrow night,

and my son is going to
take you to school.

Ooh, I'm always looking for a
good carpooling opportunity.

Hey, Fletcher.

Oh. Are you finger painting
a finger painting?

Right. It's my finger.

It's not like I have a
freakishly long toe or anything.

Okay.

Can I ask you about
something kind of personal?

It's about my feet, isn't it?

No.

There's this guy I'm
kind of interested in.

He's cute and sweet
and artistic...

Really?

Yeah.

Do you think I
should I ask him out

or wait for him to
make the first move?

Ask him out! Ask him out!

So, if it were you,

you don't think it
would be too forward?

No! Do it! Do it now!

Okay. Okay.

Hi, Nigel.

Are you busy Friday night?

What?

There he is!

The soon-to-be champ!

Yeah...

I don't know if I'm going to
play Olive in the tournament.

I don't want to crush that
little girl's dreams.

Crush them! She'll get over it.

It builds character.

You know how many of my dreams were
crushed when you kids were born?

What?

I mean bad dreams were crushed.

Bad dreams like sleeping
in on the weekends

and having money in the bank.

What if I can't beat Olive?

You can do this.

All you need is training.

That's how I became a good cop.

Okay!

I'll go down to the arcade
and practice all night!

Great idea!

I just need like $300
worth of quarters!

Okay, better idea.

I know a Donkey King game
you can play for free.

You do? Yeah!

Joystick, button.

Barrel, barrel!

Flaming barrel!

♪ Wa wa wa waaah ♪

Game over.

What? I jumped over it.

No, if you didn't lose,

why did the game make
the wa-wa-waaahh sound?

This is stupid.

You didn't train this way
when you became a cop.

Bang.

Bang.

Bang bang.

Barrel! Barrel!

Apple! Bonus points!

Bling! Bling! Bling!
Bling! Bling!

Ching! Ching! Ching! Ching!
Ching! Ching!

There. The perfect outfit to wear
while you're out with this boy.

I'm not going out with
Nigel dressed like this.

Of course not.

No riot gear is complete
without this mask.

You know, in case you need
to deploy the tear gas.

No. No. Just put that on...

Stand down. Stand down.

Excuse me for worrying.

It's just that
you're my daughter,

and I'm your father,

and my wife is your mother,

and your brother is
my sister's nephew.

Dad, what are you talking about?

I don't know! I'm nervous.

I mean, what exactly is
going to happen tonight?

♪ Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah

♪ Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah

♪ His name is written
above my heart

♪ Like he fell from the stars

♪ And when he says
hello, I can't deny

♪ That I want him to be mine

♪ He's the sweetest kind of guy

♪ The sweetest kind of guy

♪ The more I get to know him

♪ Well, the more I cannot hide

♪ That he's on my
mind every single day

♪ Hope he never goes away

♪ My crush has gotta
be the real thing

♪ I love how good that
I've been feeling

♪ I'm dreaming

♪ Head over heels

♪ Over my crush My crush

♪ My crush ♪

Hello? I asked you a question
like two minutes ago.

Huh?

You know what?

Maybe I should chaperone.

What? No! No! No! No!

I would die if you came.

Promise me you will not come anywhere
near the roller rink tonight.

Okay.

I promise.

I'll let my little baby go out
with a boy all by herself.

Dad, are you crying?

Of course not.

It's just

there's tear gas left
on this uniform.

There actually is tear
gas on that uniform!

Go get your father
a cold washcloth.

Angus, I need your help.

Why should I help you?

What do you need?

Whoa!

You know, this is a lot
harder in real life.

Uh-oh.

Why don't you hold onto me?

Okay.

Much better.

Hey, guys.

Gibson?

You know, if you're
having trouble,

I could show you a few moves.

Oh, no, that's okay, we're...

And five, four,
three, two, burst!

Up, punch, across.

And crank.

Crank. Stay down.

Shoulder. Chin. Shoulder,
shoulder, shoulder.

And pat.

Double dream hands.

Two step clap!

Reach to the audience!

And butterfly.

Double dream hands.

Freestyle!

And punch!

Hey! Careful, Gibson. You're
not wearing a helmet.

Sure I am.

You want to borrow it? No,
no, that's okay. It's...

Wow, you sure do sweat
a lot, don't you?

You think that one's
bad, check out this one.

You're wearing another one?

Kidding! What kind of dork
would wear two hair helmets?

She'll never learn
to love again.

Dad, are you watching a
chick flick and crying?

Of course not.

There's tear gas
left on this pillow.

Why is this stuff
all over the house?

I have got to learn
to wash my hands

when I come home from work.

Well, let's go.

We have to get to the
Donkey King tournament.

Sorry, Cam. You're going
to have to go without me.

Chyna's at the roller rink

and I promised her I
would not intrude.

Of course.

For years you've gone to her concerts,
recitals, awards presentations.

Finally, I do something
that eclipses all of that

and you're not even
going to come.

Because I have a feeling
I'm going to win tonight.

I don't know what to do.

Chyna's there with this boy...

Well, actually, it's just a
kid inside of a machine.

Wait, I've got an idea.

Seriously?

This is your idea?

This is a great disguise.

Chyna won't know I'm here,

and people keep
giving me quarters.

Oh, look out!

Insert coin.

Insert coin.

What? I already did.

Stupid machine!

Thanks for helping
me out, Angus.

I've got to stop Nigel
from stealing my girl.

I get it.

If that glorified toaster
oven came after my Olive,

he'd end up in a scrap heap.
Turn.

Are you sure you can hack
into Nigel's system?

Are you kidding?

Right now, I am directing the
cameras The Tonight Show.

Camera two, cut to Jay.

Turn.

This is cool.

We're kind of, sort of,
almost sharing a milkshake.

Hey! Not too fast,
you'll get brain freeze.

Three, two, one.

Nigel?

Nigel?

You got everything freeze!

I just spilled a spot of tea
on the blinkin' gogglebox.

But no need to get
the collywobbles,

it seems the sound is
still peachy-keen.

Yes!

Just beat my high score!

See? And Olive's not even here.

I guess you psyched her out

and she was too
afraid to show up.

Something like that.

Better get to the roller rink.

What the heck?

Barrel.

Barrel.

Oh, apple. Bonus points.

You think you can stop me?
I'm the champ!

Now, let's see who's
inside this donkey suit.

Wacky the Wolf!

Oh!

You stink!

Perhaps you should take
those skates off your feet

and put them on your bum-bum.

Hey. I'm trying.

Trying to do what?
Make people laugh?

Because you're so
gobsmacking awful

you make a Buckingham Palace
guard bust a gut snickering.

Why are you suddenly
being such a jerk?

No, I didn't say that!

If you don't like it, perhaps you
should go out with someone else.

Like that sweet, caring,
boyishly handsome Fletcher.

Maybe I will!

Yes!

I mean... Yes, Jeeves, do
bring the pony around,

I'd like to play
a round of polo.

Pip pip! Huzzah!

Hey, Cam, looks like
you're going to win.

We'll see about that!

Uh-oh.

Wacky told me everything!

Including some weird
personal stuff.

You knew you couldn't beat me,

so you set up a real
life Donkey King game

to try to make sure
I never showed up.

Cameron? Is that true?

That's genius!

Well, I'm out of here.

What? Just when she shows up

you're going to give up on me?

No. Snac-Man needs to go
to the Snac-Men's room

and deposit a roll of quarters.

I can't believe I
thought you were cute.

Well, I'm not cute! I'm hideous.

And if you don't like
it, well, too bad!

This is the real me.

My name is Nigel and
I'm a dodgy plonker.

Fletcher, I can see you.

Do something!

Got it. Power surge!

Whoa!

Dad?

What? The scores got erased!

No fair! I was beating you!

We both have zero?

I'm tied for the championship!
Woohoo!

Yes! Yes!

Dad! I know you're in there!

And, Fletcher, I know
you're in there!

Hi, Chyna.

I see what's going on here.

You do?

Yes, my dad put you up to this.

He didn't want me
going out with Nigel

so he cooked up this scheme
to try to make him look bad.

No, that's not true.

You're hiding inside
an arcade game.

Only because I...

He wanted to make sure I went
along with his evil plan!

I didn't want to, but
your father forced me.

You make me sick.

Hi, Chyna. Do you know if we
have any cranberry sauce?

I'm sorry about
last night, Nigel.

My dad can get a little nutso.

But I guess I understand.

After all, I am his
daughter and he's my dad.

My brother's ♪♪ just ♪♪ you.

Why don't we try
again ♪♪ Saturday?

We can go ♪♪.

Don't you wear
like 3,000 pounds.

Good point.

Beside... I don't think I'm
ready for a boyfriend.

Who's the robot.

♪♪. Well...

Maybe someday we can
meet in person.

That would be great.

Maybe you could come visit.

Crank, crank, ♪♪.

♪♪, ♪♪, shoulder,
shoulder, shoulder and..

Or I could come to you.

♪♪.

♪♪.