A.N.T. Farm (2011–2014): Season 1, Episode 7 - The InformANT - full transcript

Do you mind?

Look, I'm trying to work here.

I found this sucker to pay me
to do his homework for him.

You're coloring in a dinosaur.

Yeah. He's in kindergarten.

Cameron, you're not even
staying within the lines!

You get what you pay for.

Hey, daddy. You're home early.
Hey!

Yeah. I was supposed to interrogate
this suspect in this strangler case,

But when I went to the
bathroom, he escaped.

So now I get to watch
my game shows!



So, what's that?

Oh! I have a surprise for you.

You know how you've been
wanting one of those.

Fancy free village
designer book bags?

You got me one?

Nope!

I got you something better.
Okay.

Yup. Talk to me.

I'm sorry, but how
is this better?

Because it was free!

I got it from the evidence
locker at the police station.

Is this blood?

Of course not!

I wouldn't give
you a murder bag.



That's an armed robbery bag.

That stain's from an
exploding dye pack.

You should see the guy's face.

Okay, so you can just take stuff
from the evidence locker?

That's one of the
perks of the job.

Like parking in a red zone
or making fun of firemen.

They think they are so great.

The water does all the work!

Anyway, you could say thank you.

I spent hours combing through a lot
of creepy stuff to find you that.

Is this how you got
mom's wedding ring?

Don't change the subject.

Dad, can I please have
a free village bag?

I mean, every girl
at school has one.

I'll even chip in a little.

With some overpriced
status symbol.

Huh! "Free village."

They should call
it "$300 village!"

See how many they sell then!

Oh, okay, daddy.

I'll go write you
a thank you note.

Oh, look, I'll do it
on the back of this.

"give me all your money
and no one gets hurt."

That's where that went.

We really could have
used that in court.

How come you got chyna
a present and not me?

You know how girls are.

They're obsessed
with fitting in.

But see, the great thing
about you, Cameron,

Is that no matter what you
do, you'll never fit in.

♪ ooh, ooh doo, doo

♪ ooh, ooh doo, doo

Whoo!

♪ Everybody's got that thing

♪ something different
we all bring

♪ don't you let 'em
clip your wings

♪ you got it you got it

♪ we're on fire and we blaze

♪ in extraordinary ways

♪ 365 days

♪ we got it we got it

♪ you can dream it

♪ you can be it

♪ if you can feel it

♪ you can believe it

♪ 'cause I am, you are, we are

♪ exceptional exceptional

♪ yeah, I am, you are, we are

♪ exceptional exceptional

♪ ooh, ooh, ooh

♪ ooh, ooh ♪

Whoo!

Hey, chyna. Oh, I love that.

Did the bag-lady wake up when you
took it out from under her head?

Wait a minute, you have
two free village bags?

Yeah. This one is for my books.

And this one is for my makeup.

Hey, look what's at the
bottom of my pudding cup!

Fletcher, if it's another rat
part, I do not want to see it.

No, it says, "10
pudding points."

Hey, I think I remember
seeing something about that.

On the label a few weeks ago.
What'd it say?

"hey kids! Earn cash awards
and pudding-tastic prizes!

"join the healthy time pudding
club by visiting our Web site!

"some restrictions may apply.
Void where prohibited by law.

"employees of healthy time
pudding are ineligible.

"warning. Healthy time pudding may cause
obesity, cavities and premature death."

Well, it says here
on their Web site.

That when you get 1,000 points,

You can redeem them
for a $10 cash card.

Okay. So, to buy a
free nation bag,

All you need to do is
eat 3,000 pudding cups.

Well, after that, I
won't need a bag.

I can just carry my books
in my rolls of fat.

Guys, look. Everyone's
throwing away their cups.

If we collect them
all from the trash,

We'll rack up points like crazy.

That's a great idea!

Okay. So, Fletcher, dive into the
trash and get the pudding cups.

Come on.

Why me?

Because I don't want to.
And neither do I.

Oh. Well, as long as it's fair.

Yeah.

Oh, I love your bag, hayley!

Oh, nice bag, anabella!

Oh! Hey, wacky,
look, we're twins.

Oh, guys, check out my
free village book bag!

Is it awesome or what?

It works for a stroll
in the park...

A night on the town...

Or hiding from paparazzi.

Oh, stop!

Stop taking pictures!

I just want a normal life!

It's all right. But can you
keep your lunch in its belly?

So if it's a book bag, why
aren't your books in it?

Oh. Because most of the
room in my new new bag.

Is being taken up by the old
new bag that my dad gave me.

My dad would go nuts if he
knew I got this new new bag.

So I leave the house
using the old new bag.

And hide the new
new bag inside it.

Then, when I'm on the bus, I take the
new new bag out of the old new bag,

And hide the old new bag
inside the new new bag.

Then, I take the old new bag
out of the new new bag.

And hide the new new bag
back inside the old new bag.

Seems kind of complicated to me.

How so?

So, Cameron, how's the
kindergarten homework going?

Not good. I could only find seven of
the 10 things wrong with this picture.

Ooh, eight! Cows
don't have tails.

You know, you really should
give that kid a discount.

Hey, Cameron.

What's that?

Well, I felt bad about not
getting you anything.

From the evidence locker, so I
brought you a portable music player.

Really? Yeah.

Is this a car stereo?

You're welcome.

But doesn't it need speakers?
And a car?

You know, kids today. Nothing's
ever enough for you.

You know what I had to listen to
music with when I was your age?

Ears and a window!

Whatever the neighbors had on,

That's what I listened to.

You know what I got?
Arms and a window.

I'm gonna go throw
this out of it.

Give me this.

So, you're not going
to use your gift?

At least chyna uses hers!

What is this?

Why does chyna have
a new new bag.

Stuffed inside her old new bag?

Hey, daddy. Hey, sweetie.

How was your day? Anything...
New?

Well, you know, there were some
more budget cuts at school,

So they combined
french class with art.

It's now called fart.

So how are you
enjoying your new bag?

My new bag? Mmm-hmm.

Oh, you mean the one
that you gave me.

Yeah. Turns out that I love it.

So much.

So much that I
wish I were a bag.

And that bags could get married,

Because I would marry it.

But sadly, society's
not ready for that.

Officer 3-9? This
is Detective parks.

Hold on, Darryl.

That'll teach you to
double-park, dirtbag!

Hey, what's up?

I'm probably overreacting,

But I'm worried my daughter
might be shoplifting.

I'm gonna need you
to go undercover.

Hi, I'm the new kid.
Where do I sit?

Hey, who's the new kid?

I don't know.

Is that a sippy cup?

Hi, I'm chyna, and this
is olive and Fletcher.

I'm Charlie.

Charlie... Brown.

That's an unusual name.

Look who's talking, Fletcher.

Good thing he doesn't
know your middle name.

It's pumpernickel!

So, Charlie brown,
what's your gift?

I didn't know I was
supposed to bring a gift.

Will you take cash? Yes.

No, I meant your talent.

Everybody in the a.N.T.
Program has a special talent.

Yeah. Chyna's is
music, mine is art,

And olive's is answering
questions nobody's asking.

I'm really good at it!

My talent is...

Dancing.

Ooh, cool! Can I see?

See what? See you dance.

Oh, right.

Sure.

This is good, isn't it? Yeah.

Shake a little out.
Shake a little out.

And then go old-school. Yeah!
Oh, you like that?

Yeah! Oh, big finish!

Wow. You are good.

Wake up, Cameron!

I wasn't sleeping.
Just doing homework.

Hey, I've got a
surprise for you.

A new bike!

Where are the tires?

By now? Probably in Tijuana.

You know what,

Next time why don't you give me a
card saying, "I don't love you"?

They make those?

You know what, fine.

If you want something, how about
you go down to the precinct,

Ask for bernice to let you
in the evidence locker.

And you can pick out
something yourself.

Because I'm done
trying to please you.

I'll go tomorrow.

I have all this
homework to finish.

This Turkey isn't
gonna draw itself.

I feel so sick. Pass
me another one.

Hey, what are you guys up to?

We're just working on something
we call operation sticky fingers.

You see, we figured
out a way to...

What he meant is.

We're having a pudding
eating contest.

Oh! Do you want to
go for the record?

Oh, I can't. My doctor
says my cholesterol...

I mean, mommy says I have
to cut down on sweets.

Excuse me.

That's probably mommy now.

Hi, mommy.

Fletcher, don't tell anyone
else about the pudding points.

We want all that
stuff for ourselves.

Can't we tell Charlie brown?

I mean, he's the
first cool ant ever.

He's not afraid to
use a sippy cup,

He busts out those
awesome dance moves,

And I think he wears aftershave.

Well, I don't trust him.

You know, I think he's
lying about his age.

Yeah, there's no way he's 11.

He's eight, tops.

Hey, there's Charlie brown.

Aww, and that must be his mom,

The one who won't
let him eat sweets.

Well, she's giving
him some sugar now.

I gotta get back to work.

See you at home, babe.

Officer 3-9 here.

He's a cop!

I knew it! I knew
he wasn't an ant!

Hey, Darryl. Is he
talking to my dad?

Tell me what's going on.

They've started something called
"operation sticky fingers."

I'm working on infiltrating their
little shoplifting operation.

My dad thinks I'm shoplifting?

I can't believe he
doesn't trust me!

I feel so betrayed.

I can't believe Charlie
brown would lie to us.

You think you know someone
after half a week of school.

You know what?

We're going to teach
him a lesson.

Him and my father.

He's coming. He's coming.
Everybody act suspicious.

Okay. Go, go, go.

Hey, guys. What's going on?

Oh, shoot.

He is on to our crime syndicate.

This could be bad
news, yous guys.

We can't risk having
a snitch around.

I says we...

Tickle his neck?

Wait.

He could be valuable to us.

So, here's the deal.

Up until now we have
only been shoplifting,

But now we're going
for the big score.

Yeah, we're going to break
into a house and clean it out.

Not literally. We're not
going to housekeep.

We're going to steal stuff.

You want in? Totally.

Sign me up.

Good.

'cause we need someone to sneak
in through the doggy door,

And you're the only
one that can fit.

And it's all going down tonight.

By this time tomorrow,
we'll be rich.

Yeah. You'll end up
with plenty of bread.

Clams. Lettuce.

Cheddar.

That is, if you choose to spend
your cut at the grocery store.

So, 3-9, what's going
on at that school?

Well, I got a b+ on
my history quiz.

And I totally deserved an a-.

3-9, what's chyna up to?

Well, I joined their
little crime ring,

And they're planning
on robbing a house.

No. That can't be right.

There's no way my little
girl is robbing a house.

I'm telling you, they
told me themselves.

They even threatened
to tickle my neck.

How'd they know I'm ticklish?

These guys really
do their homework.

What house?

Whose house are they robbing?

Well, they won't tell me yet
because I'm the new guy.

But I'll call you when
I'm in the house.

And you can come and
see for yourself.

Help!

Hey, check it out. It's
a dude with a purse!

Wow.

Sorry I'm late.

Fletcher, do you understand
the term "cat burglar"?

Obviously. Seems I'm
the only one who does.

Okay, Charlie brown,

Go in through the doggy door,

Make sure the coast is
clear, then let us in.

Will do.

Now are you sure he doesn't
know this is your house?

How could he possibly know?

Your last name is on the
mailbox and the doormat.

Wow. He's a really
bad Detective.

Hello!

It's me. I'm in the house.

You actually broke into a house?

Yeah, yeah, I told you.

But I'm not really sure why
chyna picked this place.

There's nothing in here worth stealing.
It's all junk.

Ugly, worthless junk.

Do you have an address?

Yeah, I saw it on the way in.
It's...

I think there's
someone in the house.

Wait, I think there's
someone in the house.

I think they're downstairs.

I think they're
coming downstairs.

I'll call you back.

Dad, are you okay?

No! I just got tasered
in the kneecap!

You are in big trouble.
Big trouble.

Um... I think I saw a mouse.
Gotta go.

Oh, no, my Cat got out!

Chyna, what are you doing
breaking into your own house?

I'm teaching you a lesson.

How could you think
I would steal?

You know me better than that.

Well, then how do you
explain the new new bag.

You were hiding in
your old new bag?

I bought it with
gift cards I got.

By collecting pudding cups from
the garbage cans at school.

Would you please keep it down?

We're trying to have
a conversation.

So you're telling me you
rummaged through the trash.

To get a $300 designer
bag for free?

Yeah.

That's my girl!

I knew you'd never steal.

But you did lie to me
about getting that bag.

Look, I know I
shouldn't have lied,

But I'm the only one
who doesn't have one.

I feel like I stick
out enough as it is.

Look, you stick out
because you're special.

And beautiful.

Just like me.

Look, I know fitting in
in High School is tough.

Especially when you're so much
younger than anybody else.

I know, but I'm gonna
help you get through it.

But we need to communicate.

And always be honest
with each other, okay?

Okay. I'll promise to be honest.

If you promise not to send
any more cops to spy on me.

What? I never sent
anyone to spy on you.

What are you talking about?
He's right there.

I've never seen that
man in my life!

He must be a burglar!

Come on, dad. What happened
to always being honest?

Seriously. If I knew
him, would I do this?

Hey, bro, it's Cameron.

Look, I just got all this great
stuff from the evidence locker.

At my dad's precinct.

A crowbar, a flashlight
and a cool ski mask.

Oh, snap, I forgot my keys.
Hold on a second.

Hey, you hear that? Someone's
trying to break in.

They're going to be disappointed
when they see this junk.