A.N.T. Farm (2011–2014): Season 1, Episode 15 - CANTonese Style Cuisine - full transcript

I love field trip days!

A whole six hours away
from this prison.

Like last time, when we
went to that prison?

A breath of fresh air.

Hey, before we go, I want to
sing you a birthday song.

Thank you, Chyna,
but I'm pretty sure

I'd remember if it
were my birthday,

especially given that I
remember my actual birth day.

The doctor was so cute.

And of course, I
looked like a mess.

I know it's not your birthday.



But I heard that the people
who wrote Happy Birthday

get paid every time it's
used in movies and TV shows.

Really? Yeah.

The song that goes...

I know how it goes.

So, I figured if I wrote
a new birthday song,

maybe it will become even more
popular than the original.

You think that people are
gonna sing some new song

instead of the classic...

Seriously, I know how it goes.

And they might.

How about this?

♪ I hope your

♪ Birthday is as happy as a
goose's wings are flappy



♪ On this day your
dad became a pappy

♪ And your butt the
doc did slappy ♪

Clap. Clap, clap, clap, clap.

You're Madam Goo Goo!

That's just my crazy stage name.

My real name is
Chrysanthemum Turtleneck.

I am a huge fan.

Can I get a picture?

Sure. Here's one of a
cat riding a bicycle.

Wait.

Weren't you just wearing
a different outfit?

The lobster is a
political statement.

I'm trying to let the world know
that lobsters are people, too.

But, they're not.
They're lobsters.

See, that's the man talking.

The man is weird.

Anyway, I heard you
singing earlier.

You have an amazing voice.

You have a good voice, too.

What are you doing
in our school?

I had to use the bathroom.

My tour bus pulled up outside

so I could sneak in
inconspicuously.

I don't like to draw
attention to myself.

I'd love to work
with you sometime.

Let me give you my number.

I need a pen and paper.

There you go.

You can call me day or night,

except night.

You're Madam Goo Goo.

I've got to go, but listen,

don't bother with
a birthday song.

People just like hearing...

♪ Ooh, ooh Doo, doo

♪ Ooh, ooh Doo, doo

Whoo!

♪ Everybody's got that thing

♪ Something different
we all bring

♪ Don't you let 'em
clip your wings

♪ You got it You got it

♪ We're on fire and we blaze

♪ In extraordinary ways

♪ 365 days

♪ We got it We got it

♪ You can dream it

♪ You can be it

♪ If you can feel it

♪ You can believe it

♪ 'Cause I am, you are, we are

♪ Exceptional Exceptional

♪ Yeah, I am, you are, we are

♪ Exceptional Exceptional

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

Whoo!

Welcome, students, to
the Smiling Dragon,

San Francisco's oldest
Chinese restaurant

and fortune cookie factory,

where we produce per
day!00 cookies.

This is the greatest
field trip ever!

This process was my grandfather

100 years ago in China.

Actually, have
traced the origins

of the fortune cookie
to tsujiura senbei,

a cookie first made popular
not in China, but in Japan.

So, do you write the fortunes?

Oh, no. All fortunes are written
by venerable, wise man.

He's a former writer for
Walker, Texas Ranger.

Anybody care for a
fresh fortune cookie?

Oh!

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Thank you.

"You will meet a tall,
handsome strangler"?

That's a typo!

It's should say, "Tall,
handsome stranger."

A lot of these have mistakes.

This one says, "Success
comes from hard pork."

Not a typo.

Hard pork our best seller.

I wonder what mine says.

"This ain't Texas, Walker.

"You got no jurisdiction here."

What?

Listen to this one.

"Someone you met will lead
you to riches and rewards."

This is about Madam Goo Goo!

Did I mention I got
her phone number?

You have Goo Goo's
cell phone number?

I love her!

I named a dish after her.
Goo Goo gai pan!

Let me see! Let me see!

No, no, no. No can do.

We celebrities
value our privacy.

Hey, Angus, what does yours say?

What does my what say?

Hey, Lexi.

Hey.

I was wondering what to get
McKenna for her birthday.

I know she loves animals.

Maybe I'll get her
some fried chicken!

I didn't know it was
McKenna's birthday.

Yeah, the party's this weekend.

I can't wait to sing...

I know the song!

But I didn't know McKenna
was having a party.

Why didn't I get an invitation?

Maybe it's an all girls party.

Paisley, I'm a girl.

I'm the most popular
girl in school.

I don't think so.

You didn't even get invited
to McKenna's party.

Oh, my tummy is killing me.

You ate too many cookies?

No, you can never eat
too many cookies.

But apparently, you can
eat too much paper.

All right, someone is
expecting my call about now.

Who?

Just Madam Goo Goo. No big.

I can't find Madam Goo
Goo's phone number!

Do you remember it?

No. You never let me see it.

"Sorry. We celebrities
value our privacy."

I've got to find
that phone number!

Hey! Don't worry. We'll
help you find it.

Let's retrace our steps.

No problem. I remember
all our steps.

I just said, "No problem. I
remember all our steps."

Before that, Fletcher said, "Don't
worry, we'll help you find it.

"Because I love you."

I may be paraphrasing a little.

Okay, so, I took the phone
number out of my pocket

after I read my fortune.

So, I was standing

right here.

So, I must have dropped it...

Into the fortune bin!

That's un-fortune-ate.

So, not the time for wordplay?

Okay. So Madam Goo Goo's
number is either in this pile

or inside a cookie.

All right. Well,
let's start looking.

Where's Angus?

Any luck finding it?

Finding what?

Hey! What's going on here?

You! Uh-huh!

Here for more cookies? Uh-huh.

I'll give you a fortune.

"Old Chinese man going to
scissor kick your face."

Oh, come on! Get out!

No! Wait, sir.

I just need to find
a phone number.

Out. Now. Employees only.

Okay, since it's employees only,

I guess we'll just
have to be employees.

What are you doing?

What's wrong?

You forgot to punch in!

All right, let's get to work.

Okay. I'll go steam
some bok choy.

You go shuck those
tiny ears of corn.

Or we could just look
through the cookies

for Madam Goo Goo's number.

What kind of impression is that going
to make on our first day of work?

We're not really working here!

You two!

If you see this boy, call the
police or animal control.

Hmm. You know, this is actually

a pretty flattering
picture of Angus.

Mmm-hmm.

Okay, so, we're not
allowed in the kitchen,

but he can't tell us not
to be in the restaurant.

Get out of my restaurant!

Get out!

We just want to order some food.

Oh. What can I get you?

Two questions.

One, how much are the
fortune cookies?

Two, do you have a menu
without a dragon on it?

'Cause this one
scares me a little.

Two answers.

One, fortune cookies are free.

Two, be a man!

Fortune cookies are free?

We'll take 2,000.

With meal.

You have to order something.

What are we going to do now?

We'll have the beef and broccoli,
extra beef, hold the broccoli.

Crispy pork and snow peas,

extra crispy, hold
the snow peas.

Do you have French fries?

I just don't understand why McKenna
wouldn't invite me to her party.

I mean, true, in eighth grade
I stole her boyfriend.

And in ninth grade, I
stole her boyfriend.

And this year, I stole her
smoothie when she wasn't looking.

And her boyfriend.

So, seriously,
what's her problem?

If you want to know why you
weren't invited, just ask her.

I don't want her to think I
care about her stupid party.

Which I just have to be at.

You're going to ask her.

Ask her what?

Put in this earpiece.

Now, just say what I say.

My name is Lexi and I'm
so pretty and perfect.

Shut up, Paisley!

I don't say that.
Shut up, Paisley!

Go over to McKenna first and
then repeat what I say.

Oh, hi, Paisley.

Hi, McKenna!

Hi, McKenna!

I just wanted to
ask you something.

I just wanted to
ask you something.

Okay.

Ugh! Get away from me!

Ugh! Get away from me!

You came up to me.

What do you want, furball?

What do you want, furball?

Furball? I just
waxed my femstache.

What? What is so important?

No!

I can't carpool to the party.
I wasn't invited!

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

Look!

You found Madam Goo
Goo's phone number?

No, but listen to this.

"Your true identity will be discovered
while standing in a bin of cookies."

Freeze! I know who
you really are!

Wow, these fortunes
are scary accurate.

As I was saying...

Someone not belong
in this kitchen!

You!

City health inspector!

Get out! You got your
bribe this month!

Ah! You two trusted employees,

take over cookie machine!

Wow!

Can you believe he bribes
the health inspector?

Considering I lost my pants
somewhere down there...

Yes. Yes I can.

Why did you order so much?
We can't eat all this.

Okay, the cookies are here.

Let's see if we got Madam
Goo Goo's phone number.

This one's hard to open.

Seriously, be a man.

Ugh! The phone
number's not here.

Can we get a few more cookies?

No. You want more
cookies, order more food.

But we just ate.

We'll have the vegetables
in oyster sauce,

hold the vegetables,
extra oyster sauce.

The tofu and bean sprouts,

but instead of tofu,
can we have pork?

And instead of bean
sprouts, can we have pork?

Do you have mozzarella sticks?

We don't know how
to make cookies.

We're going to get fired!

And I'm only 54 years
away from my pension!

This is good.

We can check each fortune
for the phone number

before we put it in the cookie.

Let's see. Nope.

Nope.

What the heck is this?

A fortune cookie.

This is not the proper shape.

Who cares?

Who cares? You'll never
get promoted to hostess

with that attitude.

Quingling, time for your
state-mandated break.

Lazy wife.

You, work the sprayer.

Okay.

Oh, this is much easier.

I can't keep up by myself.

Oh!

Hey! What you doing?
Floor filthy!

Another cookie hit the floor,

Cookie hit you!

Keep an eye on them, Cookie!

Too fast!

More fast? Okay.

You really thought I
said "more fast"?

Who says "more fast"?

Hey, you two, work more fast!

You know what?

That does it. Give
me the sprayer.

Forget it. This is my job.

Okay, you can have it.

Good news, cheerleaders.

We finally found a
sponsor for our squad.

Are they buying us new uniforms?

Because I lost mine.

You're wearing it.

Yay! I found it!

Hey, where's Lexi?

It's not like her to miss
a cheerleader meeting.

Sorry I'm late, everybody.

Wacky?

You look different.

And you usually
don't say anything.

I know. But I just wanted
to talk about Lexi.

Hey! Let's list all the
reasons why we hate her.

Well, she's kind of conceited...

Okay! Let's let
McKenna go first.

Wacky?

I mean, fellow wolf?

Ow!

Okay, it's on.

Help!

Ouch!

Wow, this fight is crazy.

I can't believe Lexi
is missing this.

Help!

So what do you want
to do after this,

grab some pizza or something?

Oh!

Ugh! No phone number.

What are we going to do?

Goo Goo! Goo Goo! Goo Goo!
Goo Goo!

He's telling me to be a man?

He talks like a baby!

I give up.

I guess McKenna just doesn't
want me at her party.

Does that mean I can
stop spying for you?

Because I still have this invitation
McKenna asked me to deliver

when she gave me mine.

Great. Who else is she
inviting that's not me?

"I-X-3-7."

I guess it's some
robot she knows.

I-X-3-7?

Let me see that!

This doesn't say "I-X-3-7."

It says "Lexi"!

This is for me.

I feel so stupid!

All these years I had no idea

my best friend was a robot!

What do you mean you're
out of Goo Goo gai pan?

We're out of everything!

What?

What kind of restaurant
has no food?

Yeah! This is an outrage.

I'm starving!

Oh, thank goodness.
My pizza's here.

Ugh!

There has to be something
to eat back here.

Madam Goo Goo!

Thank goodness you're here!

Would you mind working the other
side of the cookie machine for me?

Chyna's, uh, on a break.

Madam Goo Goo!

It's me! The girl with
the birthday song.

Oh!

Love the fortune cookie outfit!

Look, I've been
wanting to call you,

but I lost your number and
I've been stuck working here,

and our boss is really mean,

even to his wife,
Quingling, who is so nice!

Everyone say that, but
you try living with her.

No problem. I'll give
you my number again.

Great! I just need some paper.

Oh, here.

Huh. My phone number's
already on here.

♪ You only get one a year
A time for joy and cheer

♪ So blow out your candles
You were born this day!

♪ Feel free to get me a gift

♪ Perhaps an eyebrow lift

♪ It's time to party
like a rock star

♪ You were born this day! ♪

Happy birthday, McKenna.

Chinese food delivery!

We didn't order Chinese.

This bag is empty, anyway.

I know. But I follow
Goo Goo everywhere.

I love you, Goo Goo!