ALF Tales (1988–1990): Season 1, Episode 3 - Cinderella - full transcript

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
LIONS GATE HOME ENTERTAINMENT

HI.

IT SURE IS
A BEAUTIFUL DAY
FOR AN ALF TALE.

THE SKY IS BLUE,
THE FLORA IS LUSH,

THE BIRDS ARE SINGING
THEIR SWEET SONG
OF FRIENDSHIP.

[TWEET TWEET]

SHOO!

THIS IS THE SETTING
FOR TODAY'S TALE,

CINDERELLA.

IT TAKES PLACE
IN AN ENCHANTED TIME

A TIME OF MAGIC AND MUSIC
AND MERRIMENT.



A TIME YEARS
BEFORE YOU WERE BORN.

A TIME CALLED 1962.

THIS IS THE HOME
OF YOUNG CINDERELLA
FITZGERALD.

SOMETHING'S ABOUT
TO HAPPEN TO CINDY

THAT'LL CHANGE HER LIFE.

ALL I CAN TELL YOU
IS THAT IT INVOLVES
A MAN, A POMPADOUR...

AND A GUITAR.

LET'S ROCK.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

GORDO SHUMWAY IS
COMING TO BLANDSVILLE.

THE PRINCE OF ROCK 'N' ROLL
IS DOING A CONCERT HERE.

I WISH. I CAN'T AFFORD
TICKETS TO THE CONCERT.

MY DAD WON'T
GET THEM FOR ME.

OK, URS. BYE.



♪ IF YOU TREAT ME BAD

♪ GONNA FEEL SO BLUE

♪ COME ON, BABY,
TIE MY SHOES ♪

YOU'RE MY
FUR-BEARING
SWEETIE, GAL.

[SIGHS]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]COME IN.

WELL, HI,
PRINCESS.

SAY, THERE'S
SOMEONE I'D LIKE
YOU TO MEET.

CINDERELLA,
THIS IS TILLIE
FITZGERALD,

YOUR NEW
STEPMOTHER.

WE WERE
JUST MARRIED.

I SAW HER IN
THE FROZEN FOOD
SECTION THIS MORNING

AND I KNEW I HAD
TO MAKE HER MINE.

[STAMMERS]

THIS IS
MY DAUGHTER
CINDERELLA.

I KNOW
A PLASTIC SURGEON.

GOOD, GOOD.
UH, SAY,

THERE'S SOMEONE ELSE
I'D LIKE YOU
TO MEET.

OH, JANET!

[FOOTSTEPS]LaTOYA!

HER HAIR'S
SO UCKY!

THIS FURNITURE
IS ICKY.

HER CLOTHING
IS OOKY.

SHE AND HER ENVIRONMENT
STINK IN GENERAL.

CINDY, THESE
ARE YOUR NEW
STEPSISTERS,

JANET
AND LaTOYA.

WHY, HEY,
AREN'T YOU GOING
TO SAY HELLO?

UHH...

GOOD, GOOD.

SAY, CINDY,
DID YOU KNOW

THAT YOUR MOM
AND THE GIRLS

HAVE ONE OF THOSE
ROCK 'N' ROLL
MUSIC ACTS?

I'M JANET,
THE SHY ONE.

I'M LaTOYA,
THE FUNNY ONE.

AND I'M TILLIE,
THE MOM ONE.

♪ AND WE'RE

[OFF-KEY PITCH PIPE]

♪ BOOM BOOM
BOOM BOOM ♪

♪ THE EVIL STEPTONES

I'VE GOT
TO GO GET
MY PUTTER WAXED.

WHY DON'T YOU GIRLS
GET TO KNOW
ONE ANOTHER?

GREAT!
I'LL HAVE THIS!

OH,
I WANT THAT ONE!

[BOTH TALKING AT ONCE]

I'LL HAVE THIS!

I WANT THAT!

UNH!

[CRASHING]

[GARBLED SPEECH]

[SOBS]

WAH!

♪ A ZIP, A ZOP

♪ A BIDDLY DIDDLY BOP

♪ TO YOU AND YOU

THAT WAS
REAL GOOD, FELLAS.

BUY YOURSELVES
SOME CADILLACS.

GEE, THANKS,
GORDO.

THAT'S GREAT, G.

YOU DID
G-GREAT STUFF, Y'ALL.

FANT-T-TASTIC!

YOU BRING
A TEAR TO MY EYE.

HOW YOU DOING,
MY LITTLE GUSHER?

I WANT
TO GET MARRIED.

M-MARRIED? WOW!

EVERYBODY GO HOME.

YOU'RE UPSETTING GORDO.

YOU ARE DISTURBING
HIS DELICATE B-BALANCE.

IT'S NOT
THE GUYS, COLONEL.

HECK, MOST OF THEM
ARE MY COUSINS

AND FORMER
CELLMATES.

W-WHAT THE D-DANG HECK
IS THE PROBLEM, THEN?

YAY!YAY!

B-BUT WHAT ABOUT
THE TREMENDOUS INCOME
I MAKE OFF YOU?

I-I MEAN,
WHAT ABOUT
YOUR CAREER?

EVERY GAL
IN THE COUNTRY
WANTS TO MARRY YOU.

YOU GET MARRIED,
THEY'LL STOP B-BUYING
YOUR RECORDS.

I'M A-YEARNING
FOR THE SIMPLE LIFE.

I'M GOING
TO FIND ME A BRIDE
AT THE CONCERT TONIGHT.

AT THE CONCERT?

YOU'RE TALKING
CRAZY, BOY.

I'M TALKING FATE.

WHEN I SPOT THE GIRL
WITH THAT SPECIAL LOOK
IN HER EYE,

I'LL KNOW SHE'S
MY HUNK OF BURNIN' LOVE.

WHOA! AAH!

COLONEL?
WHAT?

YOU GOT
SOME ANGLE ON THIS?

I'VE BEEN THINKING.

LET'S ANNOUNCE
THAT YOU WANT
TO GET MARRIED.

GET A LITTLE PUBLICITY.

JUST REMEMBER,

I WANT
TO KEEP THIS

PERSONAL AND
PRIVATE-LIKE.

I-I'LL NOTIFY
THE PAPERS,
THE NETWORKS,

AND EVERY PERSON
IN THE WORLD.

THEY'LL ALL BE
AT THE CONCERT.

WHATEVER YOU WANT.

JUST DON'T MAKE
A BIG DEAL
OUT OF IT.

GORDO WILL
PICK A BRIDE

AT TONIGHT'S CONCERT
AT TOWN HALL!

THIS IS
THE BLIMP TALKING.

AND CONGRESS
HAS AGREED TO CREATE
TWO NATIONAL HOLIDAYS

IN HONOR
OF GORDO SHUMWAY'S
MARRIAGE.

THE RUSSIAN PREMIER
IS REPORTED TO SAY,

"DA. IS GOOD."

I CAN'T BELIEVE
THE CONCERT IS
IN TWO HOURS,

AND WE DON'T
HAVE TICKETS.

I WANT US
TO MARRY GORDO.

YEAH, AND BECOME
HIS BACKUP SINGERS.

BUT IT LOOKS LIKE
WE'LL JUST HAVE
TO STAY HOME

AND TORMENT
CINDERELLA.

IMAGINE--BECOMING
MRS. GORDO SHUMWAY.

YOU? MARRY GORDO?

[ALL LAUGHING]

SAY,
I ALMOST FORGOT.

SID AT THE OFFICE
GAVE ME A COUPLE
OF TICKETS.

THEY'RE FOR SOME
BOWLING TOURNAMENT

OR DOG SHOW
OR GORDO CONCERT
OR SOMETHING.

[PANTING]

GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.

[SOBS]
OH, DADDY,

EVER SINCE
TILLIE AND JANET
AND LaTOYA ARRIVED,

THEY'VE BEEN
TORMENTING ME

AND ROBBING ME

AND DRIVING ME
LIKE A SLAVE!

[CHUCKLES]
OH, WELL,

YOU MAKE SURE
TO STUDY HARD
AND FLOSS REGULARLY.

I LOVE DONDI.

[FOOTSTEPS]

NOW, WHILE WE'RE
AT THE CONCERT,

YOU MAKE SURE
TO SWEEP
THE CHIMNEY...

AND CUT
THE FIREWOOD...

AND FINISH UP
THAT RADIATION
RESEARCH

IN THE BASEMENT.

WE'RE OFF TO MARRY GORDO.[WHISTLES]

♪ BOOM BOOM
BOOM BOOM ♪

♪ THE EVIL STEPTONES

[SLAM]

[WEEPING]

I LOVE BLONDIE,TOO.

BLONDIEAND DONDI.

AND DENNIS THE MENACE.

[CLOCK CHIMES]

A HALF HOUR
TO THE CONCERT.

I'LL NEVER
GET TO SEE GORDO.

AND THE ODDS
ARE EVEN SLIMMER
THAT I'LL MARRY HIM.

SAY, DID YOU MURMUR
SOMETHING, PRINCESS?

[WEEPS]

I WISH I HAD SOMEONE
I COULD TURN TO.

SOMEONE WHO WOULD GET ME
TO THE CONCERT--

A FAIRY GODMOTHER.

WHY DO YOU
COME TO ME NOW?

YOU'VE NEVER ASKED
FOR MY HELP BEFORE.

FAIRY GOD MOTHER?

[MANDOLIN PLAYING]

I'VE BEEN
WATCHING YOU.

I'VE SEEN HOW
YOUR NEW STEPMOTHER
AND STEPSISTERS

HAVE MISTREATED YOU.

THE TIME HAS COME
TO MAKE THEM PAY FOR
WHAT THEY'VE DONE.

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

I'LL GRANT YOU
THREE WISHES
I CANNOT REFUSE.

WELL, I WANT TO GO
TO THE CONCERT,

BUT I CAN'T GO
IN THESE RAGS.

I TELL YOU,
IT'S A TERRIBLE THING.

THERE I AM,
MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS,

WHEN THIS BEAUTIFUL
BALLGOWN, SIZE 6,

AND MATCHING PUMPS,
SIZE 7,

AND I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO WITH
SUCH BEAUTIFUL ITEMS.

THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL.

PLEASE
ACCEPT THESE GIFTS

AS A TOKEN
OF MY FRIENDSHIP.

THANK YOU, WILLIE,
FOR YOUR SERVICES.

WHAT GOOD ARE
THESE BEAUTIFUL
THINGS?

I DON'T
HAVE ANY WAY

OF GETTING
TO THE CONCERT.

[CAR DOOR SHUTS]

THERE I AM, MINDING
MY OWN BUSINESS,

WHEN I AND THIS
NEW TWO-TONE FORD
CROWN VICTORIA STRETCH

FALL OFF THE BACK
OF A TRUCK.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
TO DO WITH SUCH
A BEAUTIFUL ITEM.

IN THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT,
YOU WILL FIND A TICKET
TO THE CONCERT TONIGHT.

AND IN THE TRUNK,
A VERY EXPERIENCED
HAIRDRESSER.

THANK YOU, GODMOTHER.

BUT YOU MUST LEAVE
THE CONCERT TONIGHT
BY 9:30.

MIDNIGHT.

9:35.

11:30.

QUARTER TO 10:00.

ONE MOMENT LATER,

AND YOU'LL BRING
SHAME ON ME
AND MY FAMILY.

A QUARTER TO 10:00.

HOW CAN
I THANK YOU?

SOMEDAY--
AND THAT DAY
MAY NEVER COME--

I MAY
CALL ON YOU

TO PERFORM
A SERVICE.

UNTIL THEN,
KEEP YOUR FEET
ON THE GROUND.

AND KEEP
REACHING
FOR THE STARS.

BUT WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I HAVE TO SEE A MAN
ABOUT A HORSE.

[CHANTING AND CHEERING]

[YAWNS]

IT'S TIME TO GET
THESE LIGHTS REAL LOW,

'CAUSE DURING
THE NEXT 5 MINUTES,

I'M GOING
TO FIND ME A WOMAN

AND FALL DEEPLY
IN LOVE.

[ALL GASP]

UH-HUH.

OH!
OH!
OH!

THANK YOU,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

OOH!

YEAH!I MEAN THAT.

YEAH!WE LIKE IT!

GORDO!
GORDO!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
I'VE NEVER SEEN

SO MANY BIG STARS
SO EAGER TO SEE A CONCERT.

WAIT A MINUTE.

WHO'S THAT?

Gordon:
♪ TREAT ME GOOD

♪ PLEASE DON'T
TREAT ME BAD ♪

WOW, WHAT A WOMAN!

[GASPING]

♪ THEN...THEN
I WON'T BE SAD ♪

♪ IF YOU TREAT ME BAD

♪ GONNA BE SO BLUE

YEAH.

[GASPING]

♪ TIE MY SHOES

♪ I'VE GOT MONEY

♪ I'VE GOT HAIR

♪ LOBSTER THERMIDOR

♪ YOU JUST CAN'T
HELP LOVING ME ♪

♪ UH-UH

♪ BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

♪ BUT I LOVE ME MORE

♪ YOU CAN'T HELP
LOVIN' KITTY CATS ♪

♪ PURRING TENDERLY

♪ YOU CAN'T
HELP LOVIN'
MOONLIGHT CHATS ♪

♪ YOU CAN'T HELP
LOVIN' ME ♪

♪ OH, NO

♪ YOU CAN'T HELP
LOVIN' HONEY SWEET ♪

NOW THAT YOU
MENTION IT,

SHE BEARS A STRIKING
RESEMBLANCE TO, UH...

YES, YES!
SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE...

All three: TERI GARR!

♪ YOU CAN'T HELP
LOVING ME ♪

♪ ME

♪ OHH

NAUSEATING, ISN'T IT?

♪ I'VE GOT HAIR

♪ I'VE GOT HAIR

♪ LOBSTER THERMIDOR ♪ LOBSTER THERMIDOR

♪ YOU JUST CAN'T
HELP LOVING ME ♪

♪ MMM

Both: ♪ BUT
I LOVE ME MORE ♪

♪ I'VE GOT MONEY

♪ I'VE GOT HAIR

♪ WHAT A POMPADOUR

♪ I JUST CAN'T HELP
LOVIN' YOU ♪

♪ BUT YOU LOVE YOU

♪ MOOOORE

♪ MOOOORE

[APPLAUSE]

I LOVE YOU,
DARLING.

OH, GORDO,
I LOVE YOU.

AND DO YOU HAVE
THE TIME?

IT'S A QUARTER
TO 10:00.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

DON'T MENTION IT.

WHA?

WHAT A FLIGHTY CHICK.

BUT I LIKE IT.
I LIKE IT.

[ADDING MACHINE
CALCULATING]

WHO IS SHE?
WHO IS SHE?

I-I THINK
WE MAY HAVE BROKEN
A RECORD IN SALES

OF G-G-GORDO
MERCHANDISE.

THE BIGGEST SELLERS WERE

THE GORDO SHUMWAY
SMELL-LIKE-ME
NECKERCHIEF

AND THE GORDO SHUMWAY
SNEER-LIKE-ME LIP CLIP.

I DON'T CARE.
I DON'T CARE
ABOUT NOTHING

EXCEPT FINDING
THAT GIRL.

[KNOCKS]Man: ROOM SERVICE.

COME IN.

I CAN'T PUT HER
OUT OF MY MIND.

EVERYWHERE I LOOK,
I SEE HER.

N-NOW THAT'S JUST
R-RIDICULOUS, SON.

OH!

OHH.
I CAN'T HELP IT.

I'M IN LOVE.

HERE YOU GO.

THANK YOU.

WELL,
WHAT'S SO SPECIAL
ABOUT THAT G-G-GAL?

[DOOR SHUTS]

♪ MOOOORE

WHAT'S YOUR P-POINT?

I GOT TO FIND
THAT CHICK,

BUT I DON'T
KNOW HER NAME,
HER NUMBER.

HEY, THOSE GLASSES
GIVE ME AN IDEA.

YOU WEAR GLASS
SLIPPERS, RIGHT?

YEP.

GIVE ME ONE.

THIS WILL DO
VERY NICELY.

[RINGS]

AAH!

OH!

OHH!

♪ LAAAAAA

[RINGS]

OHH!

♪ LAAAAAA

[COUGH]

♪ AAAAHHHH

[RINGS]

[INDISTINCT SOUNDS ON TV]

[SCRAPING]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

SOMEONE'S
AT THE DOOR.

AAH!

AAH!
HI. GORDO SHUMWAY.

GLAYDON GO--WAH!

GORNISH SHELLMAN!

YEOW![STRINGS HUM]

[CRASH]

HI.
COME IN.

YEAH,
FOREVER.

I'M LOOKING
FOR THAT WONDERFUL
VISION OF BEAUTY

THAT SANG WITH ME
AT MY CONCERT
LAST NIGHT.

ME! IT WAS ME!
IT WAS ME!

WHEN I FIND
THE WOMAN

WHO CAN SHATTER
THIS GLASS SLIPPER
WITH HER VOICE,

I'LL KNOW I HAVE
MY TRUE LOVE.

[ALL SING]

♪ AAHHH
♪ AAHHH
[COUGH COUGH]

[COUGH COUGH]
[COUGH COUGH]

[COUGH COUGH]

[COUGH COUGH]
[COUGH COUGH]

NICE TRY.

THERE ARE OTHER
WOMEN IN THE HOUSE?

All three:
WOMEN? NOT A ONE.

UH-UH.

NOPE.
NOPE.

[NOTES PLAYING]

♪ YOU'VE GOT MONEY,
YOU'VE GOT HAIR ♪

♪ WHAT A POMPADOUR

THAT VELVET VIBRATO.

IT'S MEL TORME,
UPSTAIRS.

♪ I JUST CAN'T HELP
LOVING YOU ♪

♪ BUT YOU LOVE YOU

♪ MOOOORE

♪ MOOOORE

IT'S YOU!

YOU ARE
MY PRINCESS OF
ROCK 'N' ROLL.

AND YOU ARE
MY PRINCE.

PARDON ME.

OHH!
AAH!
OH!

THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

MY FAULT?

YOU PUT HER
IN THE PIANO.

MA, SHE SAYS
IT'S MY FAULT.

I HATE YOU BOTH.

NOW, I HAVE TO FIND
A WHOLE NEW FAMILY
TO EXPLOIT.

WELL, I-I'D CALL IT

A FAIRY TALE ROMANCE, BOYS,

Y-YOU KNOW,
SOMETHING OUT OF
THE STORYBOOKS.

YOU CAN Q-Q-QUOTE ME
ON THAT.

HEY, THERE, LETTER LOVERS.

TODAY'S MAILBAG SUPPLIES US
WITH A LOVELY POEM

FROM LITTLE ALLIE GINSBERG
OF GREENWICH, CONNECTICUT.

IT'S ENTITLED,

ODE TO THE ALFER.

AND I'D LIKE
TO READ IT TO YOU.

OK, RINGO. A LITTLE MORE
ATMOSPHERE, PLEASE.

"WHO IS THIS FELLOW,
THE ALFER,

"SO WINSOME,
SO FURRY, SO CUTE?

"WHAT IS THE BEST THING
ABOUT HIM?

"HIS COURAGE?
HIS KINDNESS?
HIS SNOOT?

"WHAT IS HIS LEANING,
THE ALFER,

"REPUBLICAN
OR DEMOCRAT?

"WHY IS HE BELCHING,
THE ALFER?

"IS HE DIGESTING A CAT?

"WHERE IS HE GOING,
THE ALFER?

"WHAT TRIALS
AND TRAVELS IN STORE?

"WHERE IS HE GOING,
THIS ALFER?

TO THE BATHROOM,
TO MAKE NUMBER FOUR."

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.

[GASPS]
WHOO.

♪ GORDON, SEND US

♪ OH, SEND US

♪ INTO OUTER SPACE

♪ OUTER SPACE

♪ 'CAUSE THERE AIN'T
NOBODY LIKE YOU ♪

♪ IN THE MELMACKIAN RACE

♪ TEACH US, GORDON...

HA! I KILL ME!