ALF (1986–1990): Season 3, Episode 19 - Superstition - full transcript

ALF accidentally burns Brian's History book in the oven. He then insists that he's now under a Melmacian curse: 14 years of increasing bad luck. First, the food on the electric stove bursts into flames. Then other things start to happen.

- Good morning.
- Morning, Willie, Kate.

Hi, ALF.

- What are you cooking?
- It's a surprise.

- Oh, no.
- Relax.

It's just my
June bug scaloppini.

Hence the crackling noise.

You're frying June bugs?

Please, Willie.

You fry caterpillars.

June bugs you saute.

Go, sit.

Good morning.

Hi, Lynnie.

Mm, what smells so good?

June bug scaloppini.

I'll grab juice.

ALF, do you have
something in the oven?

Brian's history book.


Someone accidentally knocked it

into his fish tank, Willie.

I didn't do it!

I didn't say you did. I did it.

So I put it in the oven to dry.

Dad, he's kidding.

Oh, no! No!

I'm, I'm doomed!

You got that right.

For Melmacians

it's bad luck
to destroy a history book.

You mean, bad luck like when
you open an umbrella indoors?

Worse. Bad luck
like jilting a Mafia princess.

ALF, that is just silly.

June bug flambe, anyone?

My history book is history.

My life is history.

I'm an accursed Melmacian.

I belong in the realm of the..

...gosh darned.

"Gosh darned?"

Ours was a polite society.

That fire wasn't the result
of any curse.

How do you explain
the timing of that disaster?

It's been a couple of hours
since your last one.

You were due.

It's the curse!

It was a coincidence.

Oh, yeah?
That's an electric stove.

They're not usually
prone to fires.

You must have spilled grease
on it when you were sauteing.

You miss my point!

My hand is impaled on a fork.


I don't get it. Why is it
bad luck to burn a history book?

Because Melmacians have
a great respect for books.

If you destroy a history book

you cheat future generations

out of knowledge of the past.

That's rather deep
for a planet whose motto was

"Are you going to finish
that sandwich."

Hey, I don't make fun
of your stupid planet.

Electoral college.

How long is this curse thing
supposed to last?

I'm looking at
seven years of bad luck

followed by seven years

of really bad luck.

Not again.


- Oh!
- ALF?

Are you alright?

Oh, about as well as I was
the other four times

I fell down the attic stairs.

Well, you've been so quiet
for the last hour or so

I thought maybe you were
over this bad-luck thing.

I was unconscious.

I hit my head on a rafter.

Relax, dad.
In 14 years, it'll all be over.

Oh, he's just being careless.

I am not!

I'm accursed!

You ever heard the saying,
"Superstition is the religion

of feeble minds?"

Sounds good to me.

'It's me!'

Oh, come on in, Jake!

Hi, ALF, I heard about
your run of bad luck.

How ya doin'?

Ah! Ah.

Fine, until you touched

where Willie's
trophy collection fell on me.

You broke my trophies?

Just the Math Club trophy.

The Science Club trophy is fine.

Will you be careful?

I am being careful!

This thing
is bigger than all of us.

Isn't there anything you can do

to stop all this curse stuff?

Well, there was one thing
I could've done back on Melmac.

- What?
- The bibliocide ritual.

Basically, it's a ceremony
where I ask atonement

in front of people wearing meat.



Well, why don't we do that?

One reason comes
almost immediately to mind.

We can't do it, anyway.

The accursed person
has to stand in the light

of a green full moon.

Isn't there anything else
you can do?

Wait it out.

- For 14 years?
- Yeah.

Boy, am I gonna be
hard to live with.

Come on, ALF, I'll buy you
a peanut butter sandwich.

Okay, as long as you know
the Heimlich maneuver.


...we have to help him.

He's only having bad luck

because he thinks
he's going to have bad luck.

He'll get over it.

Maybe we could make him think
that he's gonna have good luck.

'Remove it slowly.'

- Lynn?
- Hmm?

Never have aliens.

♪ Nobody knows ♪

♪ The trouble I've seen ♪

♪ Nobody knows ♪

♪ My sorrow ♪

♪ Nobody knows ♪♪

Um, ALF?

Is this what all that
hammering was about?

Yes. This is my home
for the next 14 years.

What happened?

Oh, the roof fell on my head
while I was installing it.

And I slammed my hand
in the door

when I locked myself up.

Not to mention
the several hundred

splinters I got

building the gosh darned thing.

- Ours was a polite...
- 'We know.'

We know.

ALF...come on.

Come on out.

I can't.

Do you feel safer in there?

No. I sprained my ankle.

We want to cure you.

We have an idea that might work.
Right, dad?

Yeah, we do. Sure do.

Um, we-we'll cancel out
your curse.

All you have to do
is do something

that's considered lucky
on Earth.

This idea sounds
rather far-fetched.

Well, fine.
See you in 14 years, pal.

Well, alright, alright!

Maybe your idea's more
nearly-fetched than I thought.

Make that several hundred
and one splinters.


- Here, take this.
- Salt?

On our planet,
it's lucky to throw salt

over your shoulder.

- Ow!
- Sorry.

Throw the salt..

...not the saltshaker.

But I always throw the shaker.

And what do I always say?

"Don't throw the shaker."

Maybe if you do something
that's bad luck here

it'll cancel out your bad luck.

Oh, come on, Lynn.

Sounds good to me.

Come on, let's try it.

It's bad luck
to break a mirror.

Give it a shot.

Do you feel any luckier?


This was Kate's mirror.

Well, here. Here, try this.

I can't break that.

Just walk underneath it.

That's also considered
bad luck here.

Well, okay.

Oh! Ow!

- Ow! Ow! Ow!
- What's wrong?

Oh, I stepped
on a piece of broken glass!

Are you alright?

Well, the glass
doesn't hurt much

but the salt
that's seeping into the wound

hurts like
a martian head noogie.

- I'll get you a bandage.
- Good idea.

I was getting tired
of falling down the stairs

every time I needed one.




- Does it still hurt?
- No, no.

Only when you laugh, right?


What happened?

Willie's dead!

I'm not dead.

Dad fell down the stairs.

Are you sure you don't want me
to call a doctor?

No, no, I'm just
a little shook up.

- Okay.
- Don't listen to him.

He's dead!

I think that
falling down the stairs

has affected you.

No, it hasn't.

But this is
what I feared the most.


In severe cases

the bad luck spreads to people

the accursed one
comes in contact with.

It's starting.

Nothing is starting.

I fell down the stairs

because I had salt in my eyes.

Now, I don't wanna hear
anything more about this curse.

I won't say a word.

Hurry up.
I'm missing my show.

How's the picture?


Then I guess it was
just a short in the plug.

Try to get a grip
on reality, Jake.

It wasn't the plug.

I'm cursed.

What are you watchin'?

That TV shrink.

The one who helps viewers
cope with their problems.

Well, is he any good?

He's on channel 129.

You be the judge.

Hello, welcome to "Video Couch."

And you are?

Do I have to give my name?

I don't want
my friends and neighbors

hearing about this.

It would help
if I could call you something.

Okay. Willie Tanner.

How can I help you, Willie?

I'm a visitor in your country

and I did something
that in my homeland

brings a person bad luck.

The only way to shake it off

is for me to do
a certain ritual.

But people think I'm crazy.

Uh, Willie,
immigrants often have trouble

assimilating into a new culture.

If you feel you must
do this ritual, go ahead.

I can't!

Uh, see the things I need
for this are far, far away

in my galaxy.

Uh, my-my part of the galaxy.

Uh, our galaxy, Yonkers.

Perhaps you'd feel better if you
carried a good luck charm.

You mean, like a Tupperware lid
or a mouse?

Well, whatever's appropriate
in your country.

I tried that.

But my bad luck
is only getting worse.

- How's that, Willie?
- It's spreading.

See, people I come
in contact with

are having bad luck
and getting hurt too.

And you think you have the power

to affect other people's lives
this way?

We'll take our next call.

I guess I shouldn't expect
too much from a cable quack.

What did you do to your hand,
Mr. Tanner?

Oh, nothing.

That does it.

It's too dangerous for you guys

to have me around.

You're gonna have to move.

We're not going anywhere.

Wait, ALF,
I was thinkin'.

Why can't we at least
try to do your ritual here?

- How?
- Well, uh..

There is a full moon tonight.

But it has to be a green moon.. Melmac's.

But you showed us pictures
of your planet's moon.

It's not green.

Well, it was when certain

atmospheric conditions
were right

or when someone threw up on it.

Um, we could fake it,
you know, uh

have everybody
wear green sunglasses.

Jake, you're a genius!

Plus, you've got
good fashion sense.

Now, I just need five people
to witness the ceremony

and to wear meat.

I'm not wearing meat.


I have to draw
the line somewhere

and I choose to draw it
at the wearing of meat.

♪ I'll whine till you give in ♪♪

You know, Mr. Tanner,
it might help..

Think about the baby.

You want me
acting like this around it?

Huh, I couldn't live with myself

if anything happened
to little ALF Tanner.


Yes! He's going to wear meat!

What kind of meat
are we talking about here?

Uh, pork, veal,
whatever you prefer.

Uh, but no spam.

I'll wear meat.

Why do we have to wear meat
in this ritual, anyway?

Because the high priest
on Melmac was also a butcher.

Did all Melmacian rituals
involve wearing meat?

Yeah, unless they
took place on a Friday.

Then we wore fish.

How long
does this ceremony take?

Not long. Why?

These steaks
are getting a little gamy.

No pictures, please.

I feel like an idiot.

Come on, dad.
This is very serious to ALF.

I don't think
we should put him down

just because
we don't understand

the nuances of his culture.

No matter how incredibly stupid
those nuances may seem.

Hey, Lynn, how do I look?


Brian, hurry up!

We're about to start!

Okay, what is it exactly
you want us to do, ALF?

Basically, just be witnesses

while I apologize
for my misdeed.

And we have to wear this, right?

Because if I find out later
that this wasn't necessary...

- It is! It is!
- Uh-huh.

Okay, now start pouring
this gravy in your hair.


Alright, that part is optional.

I'm just trying
to make this fun, people.


Is my hot dog on straight?

You look fine, honey.

It is now time

to begin the bibliocide ritual.

Everyone put on your shades.

Does the moon look green?

Everything looks green.
Get on with it.


"There once was a girl
from Nantucket who.."

Oops. Wrong ceremony.

Could you hurry it up?
Some of us are spoiling.

Okay, okay.

Is it just me
or is it dark out here?

Get this over with.

Aye aye.

'Hey, Tanner,
have you seen Jake?'

Oh, great! My bad luck's
changing for the worse!

ALF, hide.

Hi, Mr. Ochmonek.

Am I interrupting anything?

I don't think so. No.

Why are you
wearing sunglasses at night..

...and meat?

Because I want to.

We want to, also.

I don't.

We-we're, heh heh..

- We're having a barbecue.
- Yeah.

And you're cooking
with body heat?

No, just thawing.

Trevor, haven't you ever
wanted to let your hair down

and slap on a flank steak?

I always thought about it.

I mean,
everybody's thought about it.

Well, gosh,
live a little, Trev, hmm.

I'll do that.

Can we please get this

goofy ceremony over with?


The destruction of history

is not to be taken lightly.

Those who cannot
remember the past

are condemned to repeat it,
you know?

I, I'm sorry, ALF.

I didn't mean
to belittle your ritual.


"You put your right foot in.

Put your right foot out."

♪ You put your right foot in ♪

♪ And you shake it all about ♪

♪ You do the hokeypokey... ♪♪

Hold it! Hold it!

This is part of the ritual?

No, but I always thought
it should be.

Stick with the main text.

Okay. Okay.


Sorry about the book.

That's it?

Uh-huh. Let's eat.

- That'
- Yes.

I mean, it's not like
I killed somebody.

We went through all this

just for,
"Sorry about the book?"

Hey, a ceremony
doesn't have to be long

to be effective.

A Melmacian wedding consists

of a preacher saying

"You're hitched.
Go for it, babe."

Now Trevor's coming back.

Oh! Man!

I'm sorry to bother you again

but can I just
get a shot of this?


Raquel went shopping
and she's never

gonna believe this.

Everybody scrunch together, hmm?


I'll get you some wallet size.

He's gone, ALF.

Do you feel
any luckier?

I don't know. Jake, flip a coin.


- Aren't you gonna call it?
- No.

It didn't hit me in the eye,
so my luck is back.

Ah! Hey!

♪ You put your right foot in ♪

♪ You put your right foot out ♪

♪ You put your right foot in ♪


♪ And you shake it all about ♪

♪ You do the hokeypokey ♪

♪ And you turn yourself around ♪

♪ That's what it's all about ♪♪

Hey! Hey! Hey!
Where is everybody?

I call.

- Another royal flush?
- Oh, what?

- 'Man!'
- I'm embarrassed.

I truly am embarrassed.

Hah! I can't believe my luck!

Someone get me a racing form.

- I'm busted.
- That's okay, Brian.

You wouldn't have
liked college, anyway. Hah!

ALF, are you sure you're playing
exactly by the rules?

I'm not cheating. I told you.

Once a person is released
from the bad luck curse

he enjoys a period of good luck.

Sometimes up to three days.

I said up to three days.