ALF (1986–1990): Season 2, Episode 12 - ALF's Special Christmas: Part 1 - full transcript

The Tanners decide to spend Christmas in a cabin in the woods but ALF soon gets lost.

♪ On the 82nd day of Christmas
my true love gave to me ♪

♪ 82 cats a-frying 81 a-broiling
80 cats a-baking ♪

'Enough, ALF!'

♪ 79 cats a-toasting ♪

♪ 78 cats a-boiling ♪


♪ 77 cats a-sizzling ♪

♪ 76 cats a-poaching ♪♪

'Enough, ALF!'

'Not only are we
spending Christmas'

'in some desolate cabin
with no running water'

'we're not allowed to sing.'

'You can sing,
just don't sing about'



'Roasting cats.'

'I didn't say roasting.'

'I said frying, boiling,

- 'You know what we mean.'
- 'Right.'

'Right, no cat songs.'

'Do you think
there's gonna be snow?'

'Uh, yes. Hopefully.'

'Oh, great. No running water,
no cat songs, and no snow.'

'We should have tied him
to the roof rack.'

'Why are we stopping here?'

'This is it. This is where we
are gonna spend our Christmas.'

'Well, why didn't you
just get a manger?'

- Let's check this out.
- 'You check it out!'

I need to check out
the outdoor plumbing.



What do you think?

It's, uh..


I think it's neat.

Brian, I was,
I was about your age

when I spent Christmas here

with my whole family.
And I..

I don't think Mr. Foley

I don't think Mr. Foley
has changed a thing.

The kitchen could
use some updating.

Look. Look. This is where we
put our stockings.

A-and the tree was
right over there.

And then on Christmas Eve,
we-we drank

hot apple cider
with cinnamon and sang

Christmas carols until the
wee hours of the morning.

This is gonna be
that sort of Christmas

a Christmas full of warmth
and love, and joy.

'Help, help!
I'm stuck in the outhouse!'

Hold that thought.

Hey, hey!
Careful with that box, Willie!

That's precious cargo.

Oh, gee!

What's in it?
It's so heavy.

Your color TV.

Well, you said there wouldn't
be any TV up here.

There is no TV because
there is no electricity.

You see, you can't run a TV
without electricity.

Oh, great. There goes
the Perry Como special.

What's in this one?

Your microwave.

But it seems like
a moot point, now.

Well, what happened was
my dad lost his job

and then we lost our house.

- How do you lose a house?
- No, no, no.

We didn't actually
lose the house.

We, we just, we couldn't afford
to make the payments anymore

and we had to get out.

Well, it was
the middle of December.

And we were literally
out in the streets

when Mr. Foley heard
about what happened and

he said that he had this
cabin up in the woods

that he hardly
ever went to

and we could stay there
for as long as we had to.

You know, that Christmas,
we, we had nothing.

We had absolutely nothing.

No presents, no toys.

I think that was the best
Christmas I can remember.

Where was Mr. Foley?

He, he was at his house in town.

I bet it had
indoor plumbing.

So, last month we got a letter
that Margaret was ill

and since they weren't
using the cabin...

You jumped at
the invitation.

We're not
getting through here.

It's just a phase.

I'm sorry, dad.

I know we're gonna
have a great time.

♪ Deck the dump with
boughs of holly ♪

♪ Fa la la la la lala la la.. ♪

Here you go, Willie,
hang the holly.

Where'd you find this holly?

Out back.

- Oh, I like your sweater.
- Well, thank you.

It's the Perry Como look.

It's stunning.

You know, it looks a
little like..

It is. It's the Christmas
present I bought for Willie.

- 'Oh!'
- Take off the sweater.

What are you
doing with it?

Wearing it! I looked pretty
silly in your new robe.

Honey, did you get me a robe?

- Apparently.
- What do you mean apparently?

It's right in that box
next to Brian's bicycle.

I get a bike
for Christmas?

Oh, boy!

- Can I have it now?
- No, no.

Son, you can wait till
Christmas morning, can't you?


ALF, these are Christmas

they're supposed to be opened
on Christmas day.

And they're supposed
to be surprises.

And they're not from
you, anyway!

Sure they are!
Look at the tags.

"To Willie, from ALF."

"To Kate, from ALF."

"To Lynn, from ALF."

"To ALF, from ALF."

"To Brian, from ALF."

Did you change these tags?

When do I have
time to shop?

He changed the tags

he put his name
on Brian's bicycle

and then told him
what it was.

Well, I didn't tell
him it's red.

It's red?

I just said that to
throw him off the track.

Well, what do you mean he is
getting a red bicycle?

Not exactly.

As you and I know,
it's a bicycle kit.

Uh, some assembly
is required. Yes.

Some assembly?
Have you read the instructions?

What is required is a pair of
pliers, a screw driver..

And someone who has a vague idea
of what they're doing.

I think I'll
hang the holly.

Dad, wait.

I don't think that's holly.

Well, what is it then?

I think it's poison oak.


Is this poison oak?

Well, I-I don't know, honey.
Brian's the Cub Scout.

How can you tell?

Elementary, Willie!

Once a week, the kid
puts on a blue uniform

and goes to a meeting.

Are you finished?

Uh, unless I hear laughter
in the next few seconds.

I withdraw
the Cub Scout joke.

Go on with your life.

What makes you think
this is poison oak, B?

Well, it has three leaves.

Kate, start pumping.

Running water
would come in handy now

wouldn't it, Wilco?

You don't understand, do you?
You just..

You don't understand anything
about Christmas, do you?

'You think it's just
opening presents'

and being a general nuisance.

- Well, honey, I don't think..
- Well, isn't it time..

Isn't it about time that he had

a little consideration
for rest of us?

Now, take that poison oak

and dump it
way out in the woods.

And don't hurry back!

This, Brian and Lynn

this is Mr. Foley.

- Hi.
- Hi. How're you doing?

'Hi, Mr. Foley.
It's nice to meet you.'

Now, we were just thinking about
fixing something to eat.

Won't you stay with us?

Oh. No, thank you, Mrs. Tanner.

I was just on my way to deliver
a truck full of toys

to the hospital and I thought
I'd stopped by to see

if you need anything in town.

Truck full of toys?

You know, every year,
Mr. Foley repairs toys

that children have
thrown away.

And on Christmas Eve, he takes
them into town, to the hospital

and he gives them out..

Oh, no, not quite, Willie.

You see, I deliver the toys
to Santa Claus

and he gives them
to the children in the hospital.


Now, tell me, how is Mrs. Foley,
any better?

Well, I mustn't keep
Santa Claus waiting.

Good day.

Whoa! A replica
of a Batu spaceship!

Perfect for Brian.

Doesn't fly.

Wait. Mr. Foley..

Mr. Foley..

Is, is there anything wrong?
I mean..

Oh, oh, I almost forgot
your Christmas present.

- Oh.
- Now, promise me..

You won't open it
until Christmas day. Eh?

- Yeah. Hey.
- Gosh.

A rolling cat-Platter!

Perfect for Lucky.

I'll give it to Kate.


Margaret passed away
two weeks ago.

I didn't have time
to write everybody.

Oh, Mr. Foley..

Mr. Foley,
we're so sorry.

Merry Christmas, everybody.

Come on out.

Follow me. That's it.

Yeah. Let's sing a song.

♪ You better watch out
you better not cry ♪

♪ You better not pout
I'm telling you why ♪

♪ Santa Claus
is coming to town ♪

Come on, once again!

♪ You better watch out
you better not cry ♪

♪ Better not pout
I'm telling you why... ♪

You two look like brothers.

You are?

How about sharing this?

Okay? Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Well, now, what is your name?

- Katie.
- Katie.

Katie, I have something for you.

It's cute as you,
it looks like you.

You have a Merry Christmas,
Katie. Oh. Ha-ha!

I want the bat,
the ball and the mitt.

Oh, I'm sorry,
one to a customer.

Then just the ball and the mitt.


Well, now,
what's your name, son?

- James.
- Well, James.

I got a bat and this
funny-looking thing.

- What is it?
- I'm not sure.

- Pass.
- Hm.

Hey, I don't remember
bringing this in here.

Sure is an ugly-looking thing.

Got big ugly ears,
big ugly eyes..

I think she's beautiful.

She's heavier
than she looks.

Thank you, Santa.

Oh, you're welcome, darling.

I wish I had a present
to give you.

Oh, that's okay.

You know, Christmas
isn't about presents.

It's about giving of

You've given me a most wonderful
gift by saying "thank you."

I'm going to name her Amanda.

My name is Tiffany
and I'm 8 years old.

How old are you, Amanda?

You're 8 years old, too?
That's great.

Would you like to
put your feet up?

You would? Okay.

Tiffany, hop into your bed.

It's time to take your

Okay. But Amanda wants you to
take her temperature first.


Oh, hello. Welcome.

Let's see if I have an extra
thermometer with me.

Oh. Here we go.

'Okay, Amanda.
This won't hurt a bit.'

Now, open up.

'Okay. Now, let's take
Tiffany's temperature.'

'Thank you.'

- Goodnight, Tiffany.
- Goodnight

Goodnight, Amanda.

Amanda, dear, do come in.

I'm so glad you could come
to visit to see me.

'Cause we have so much
to talk about.

Would you care for
tea and cookies?

I find that everyone in the
hospital is very nice

except they're all too busy
to really talk to.

Here, let me serve you.

Yes, they are very good.

I made them myself.

Who's your favorite TV star?

Mine, too!
He's such a hunk.

We have so much in common.

Yes, there used to
be another girl here

but they moved her
to a different room.

Her mother was afraid
she might get depressed

if we became friends, and..

Know what you need, Amanda?

Here's a beautiful pair.

They'll look
fabulous on you.

Pink is definitely
your color.

- Hold it.
- Huh!

This where I
draw the line.

I've got to
level with you, kid.

My name is ALF,
not Amanda.

And, and blue is my color.
I'm a boy.

You can talk!

Yeah, and it's
a good thing

or you'd have me wearing
a bra by now.

Mind if I have
another cookie?

This is fantastic!

A stuffed animal that talks
and eats cookies.

I've got to show
nurse Hilliard.

Oh, no, no, please!

Don't tell anyone.

Why not?

Well, because I'm not
a stuffed toy.

I'm real.

And I'm in danger.

You've got to
help me get home.

But Santa
gave you to me.

Your mine.

I guess I better explain.

Come here.

Yeah, this is all I got left,

I like him better than Amanda.

Are you sure?

Yeah, next year
you can give Amanda

to another little girl,
one who's not so fussy.

Well, you can have both
toys if you'd like.

No, I'm bored with him,
I mean her.

Thanks anyway, Santa.

Excuse me, Dr. Willoughby,
are you busy?

George, I mean Santa.

I just thought I'd stop by to
wish you a Merry Christmas

and, uh, to give you this
for the hospital.

'It's not much.'

Well, thank you, George.

Thank you very much.
Merry Christmas to you, too.

Where should I
send your receipt?

Uh, don't bother.

Don't open it
until tomorrow.

Did you give out
all those presents?

Well, all except
for that oddball.

Tiffany took it and
then she gave it back.

Well, all she really wanted was
to see you for Christmas.

One of the other little kids
told her there's no such thing

as Santa and then she
asked me if it was true.

- Well..
- What did you tell her?


I showed her this.


"Yes, Virginia,
there is a Santa Claus."

The most famous newspaper
editorial of all time.

"He exists as certainly
as love and generosity

"and devotion exists.

"How dreary would be the world
if there were no Santa Claus.

"It would be as dreary as
if there were no Virginias.

"There would be no
child-like faith then

"no poetry,
no romance

"to make tolerable
this existence.

"The eternal light with which
childhood fills the world

would be extinguished."



I can't do
anything for her.

What do you suppose
to say to a little girl

who's not gonna see
another Christmas?



I thought you had to leave.

Well, yeah, yeah.

I, uh, I-I do.
I do.

You came back to see me?

Yeah. I wanted to wish you
a Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, ALF.

And to see if you
had any more of those cookies.

You ate them all.

Oh, right.

I drew a picture of you.

This is me?

Pretty good, huh?

Well, where's my nose?

I didn't have enough
room on the page.

Who's this?

It's me.

Can't you tell?

You're wearing wings.


You're not from the planet
Bungaraya, are you?


I'm from earth.
The wings are just..

They're beautiful.

ALF, do you ever miss Melmac?


I miss it a lot.

It was my whole world.

Everything and everybody
I knew was there.

What do you
miss the most?

My friends.

That's what I thought.

But, but when I came
to this world

I made new friends.

Like, like the people
I live with

and you, Tiffany.

and I discovered a lot of
new things on this world.

that we didn't have on Melmac.

Like what?

Like, uh, pavement
and, uh, silverware.

What about Christmas?

I don't really have a handle
on Christmas yet.

People get uptight
about presents.

That's because they
just don't know.

Know what?

Christmas isn't
about presents.

It's about giving
of yourself.

That's what
Santa Claus said.

After meeting you,
I know what he means.

ALF, are you really
from way out there?

'Yeah. Somewhere out there.'

Kate, look at this.

Dad, you shouldn't open
that till Christmas.

Oh. That was an accident.

Honey, it's, it's the deed
to this cabin.

He says, "I hope your family
will enjoy many more

Christmases here
at this cabin."

We can't accept
a gift of this cabin.

Why not?
This place is neat.

I want to live here.

- Don't you, Lynn?
- Huh? Oh, sure.

No! No, no, I mean I don't want
to live here.

An occasional visit, you know
in the area, t-that's fine but...

Mr. Foley hardly knows me.

What can he be thinking of?

Has anyone seen ALF?


ALF, could you stay with me

just until I fall asleep?

Hey, no problem.

ALF, do you want to
know a secret?

If you want
to tell me.

I'm going to have to move on
to another world, too.

And there's nothing anyone
can do about it.

And I'm afraid to go, ALF.

I know I'm not supposed
to be afraid

but I can't help it.

It's alright, Tiffany.

It's alright to be afraid.

I'm so afraid I can't
go to sleep at night

because I'm afraid
I'm not gonna wake up.

Well, then, do what I do.

When you can't go to sleep

think about some of your
favorite things.

You mean, like rain drops
on rose?

Yeah, that's a good one.

Or whiskers on kittens.

Ha! Now, you're talkin'.

You know, maybe in the next
world that I'm going to

they'll have Christmas
all year round.

Could be.

And everyone will
want to be my friend.

I know they will.

And maybe everyone will be
just like you, ALF.

Well, there is
such a thing as

too much of
a good thing.


I love you, ALF.

I love you too, Tiffany.



Oh! Boy, it's getting cold.

Y-you'd better
go back to the house.

I-I'll keep looking.

I don't want to quit
till we find ALF.

But.. Say, you've got
to stay warm.

You know Alf's got a fur coat,
you don't.

But, dad, what if he gets
caught in a trap

or, or if a hunter shoots him?

Oh, ALF's been around.


He's had a good life.

What we mean is

I'm sure ALF knows
how to stay under cover.

I hope.

Okay, men, cover me.

Okay, I've got everything,
stopwatch, cassette player

Mozart tape, Lamaze book

camera, film

coins for the phone..

This bag.

What about me?

Oh, my God, Denise!

Come on, sweetheart.

You should have an easy time,
Denise. You're well into labor.

So, we'll just sending you
straight to the delivery room.

- So, everything's okay?
- Everything's fine.

You're going to deliver
the baby now?

- Pretty soon.
- What about the breathing?

Don't we get to
do the breathing?

Well, yeah, we all have to
continue breathing, of course.

'But doctor,
you don't understand.'

We've been going to classes
for months practicing

the breathing, you know.

Yes, Richard, I know, but,
see the breathing exercises

are primarily intended
to help the mother.

Get through the, the..

Hours of excruciating agony?

- Exactly.
- Well, uh..

I'm still gonna be able to watch
the delivery, aren't I?

I mean, I really want to be
a part of everything.

You can cut
the umbilical cord.

Uh, not that.

We need an IM
with 10 milligrams diazepam.

No. No sedative or pain-killers.

I want to be completely awake
and aware of everything.

- It's for him.
- Oh. I'm sorry, doctor.

I swear, he's not
usually like this.

Oh, not now, Richard!

Kelly, could you help Richard
get his equipment inside?

I'm gonna go on the scrub
while Denise is in prep.

- I need my light meter.
- 'Wait, Richard!'

- The elevator!
- Denise!


What's going on here?
What happened?

The elevator's stuck.

Help me!
Somebody help me!

Denise! Denise!

Call maintenance, quickly.

Oh, I think
they've all gone home.

See if Mr. Foley is still
around, maybe he can can fix it.

Yes, doctor. Oh, uh,
what does he look like?

- Red suit, white beard.
- Santa Claus?


Breathe, Denise. Breathe.

Somebody help me, please!

- Help is on the way.
- Denise.

George, elevator's stuck.


Somebody, please help me.

Dr. Gordon Shumway.

I know, I know.

You already said that.

Really, that's starting to
get on my nerves.

I told them no drugs.

You're not on drugs.
Now, just relax while I...

- You're a doctor?
- Yes, uh, from Melmac.

The, uh, Melmac clinic
in Minneapolis.

I never heard of it.

Uh, Denise, we're stuck
in an elevator here.

Now is not the time to
question my credentials.

Now I suggest you calm down,

- Okay.
- Good.

Now, uh, what seems to
be the problem?

The problem?

I'm gonna have a baby.

I see.

Did you get a
second opinion?

Hey, hey, just covering myself
on this malpractice issue.

Please, doctor, would just
tell me what to do?

'No problem, I just need to ask
you a couple of questions.'

Okay. What?

Exactly where do
babies come from?

How can a doctor
not know where babies come from?

Hey, I'm not married.

Well, you might get in the
elevator through the trapdoor

on the ceiling.

The stairs!

Alright, alright, we've got it.

Now, uh, "Just relax
and don't push."

It's happening.

It's happening.

What's happening?

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.
Uh, uh, yeah.

"Don't push yet. Any minute now.
Everything is fine."

Denise! Denise!

Oh, Sam.


Daddy's on his way.

Daddy's on his way!

No wonder there's
money in medicine.

You're the cutest
baby in the whole world.

Yes, you are.

Dr. Shumway,
if you hadn't been here..

I don't know
how to thank you.

You just did.

You said, "thank you."

Merry Christmas.

Of course, you could
name the baby after me.

Isn't Gordon
an unusual name for a girl?

A girl!

Didn't you notice?

Oh, uh.. Oh, yeah,
yeah, of course!

Of course.
I just forgot.

I've got a
lot on my mind.

Big golf tournament coming up!

We need a pretty, pretty name

for a pretty,
pretty little baby.

How about Tiffany?


That's a nice name!


'Mr. Foley.'


Oh, yeah. W-what is it?

I want to talk
to you about this.

You weren't supposed to
open that until tomorrow.

This must be your
whole life savings.

Well, it was, uh..
It was a tax refund.

Mr. Foley, nobody has tax
refunds like this.

And when people get contribution

they're usually in round numbers

$100, $1,000..

I want to discuss this further.

I want you to come by to
see me day after tomorrow.

I've got other plans.


Sometimes when people
lose a loved one..

I know what Margaret
meant to you.

Goodnight, Ted.

Merry Christmas.

Um, "Slip disc washer.."

"Slip disc...washer."

What, what is this?
A spinal repair kit?

Um, "Slip disc washer C
over handlebar sprocket.

See insert."



Is ALF coming home?

He's coming home.

I'm sure he's coming home.

I hope it doesn't snow.

♪ Sleep in heavenly ♪

♪ Peace ♪♪

'Ah, what a beautiful song
for Christmas Eve'

'the beautiful "Silent Night."'

'Well, let's have a look at
the weather forecast.'

'There's sure a lot of folks
out there interested.'

'And there's good news
for everyone'

'dreaming of a white Christmas.'

'The National Weather Service
forecasts 4 to 6 inches of snow'

'above 3000 feet'

'and 12 to 14 inches
in the mountains.'

Ah, tell you what,
'we'll play "White Christmas"'

'for you, in just a moment'

but first, here's Perry Como
singing "Toyland."

Yo! What's going on?

Who's that?

Nice night, isn't it?

Get out of here,
and leave me alone!

Don't do it, George!

How'd you know my name?

Who are you?

Do I know you?

I don't know.

Do you?

Wait a minute,
you're that funny-looking toy

that's been popping up
around me all day.

What are you?

I'm an alien life form
from another planet.

Oh, yeah?
How'd you get here?

In my spaceship.

Oh, no, that's not true.

You're a figment of my
imagination and you don't exist.

- It is true.
- That's impossible.

You only exist in my

Since I don't believe in aliens
form other planets

you don't exist.

I'm debating with
William F. Buckley.

Oh, my gosh!

You're Saint Nicholas!

Saint Nicholas?

Saint Nicholas.
Santa Claus.

I just realize
youse got a broad face

and a round little belly

shakes when he laughs
like a bowl full of jelly.

Hey, hey, hey,
let's not get personal!

I'm going to do something about
this right after the holidays.

His cheeks were like roses

and his nose...
like a cherry?

Let's move on.

Yeah. Why are you
bothering me?

Aren't you supposed to be
sliding down chimneys

bringing toys
to children of the world?

Yeah, well, you think
that's a one-man job?

In the old days, maybe.

But now, I'm an,
I'm an executive Santa.

I have to delegate

to people like you.

Why me?

Who better than you?

You made it possible for Brian
Tanner to experience a Christmas

like the one his father has
remembered his whole life.

You brought toys
to the hospital

and you brought a smile to
the face of a dying child.

Whether you
know it or not, George

'you've been making other
people happy all your life.'

How do you know
all these things?

Hey, St. Nicholas
knows everything.

I know when
you're sleeping.

I know when
you're awake.

I know if you've
been bad or good.

You know,
the whole ball of wax.

Then you know why
I can't go on anymore.

Margaret is gone.

I'm sorry.

You feel like you
lost your whole world.

Believe me,
I can relate.

But you have
unfinished business here.

There are people
you're leaving behind

who still need you.

And if you know anything
about Christmas, George

you'd know this.

Christmas is not
about what you can get

but what you can
give of yourself.

A little girl
taught me that

not so long ago.

'And I don't know
where she got it.'

You're a good man, Foley.

And I can't afford
to lose you.

So, let's get this
truck on the road.

Come on! We've got
things to do.

Where to?

Take me home.

North Pole?

I don't think
I have enough gas.

Then take me to see
Willie Tanner.

I've been thinking
about recruiting him.

He has a lot
of potential.

Oh, great. I've always wanted to
see how you go down a chimney.

Yeah, me too.

Merry Christmas, Nick.

And to all a good night.

Good night.

- Thanks, mom.
- You're welcome.

Hot cocoa?

This is the worst Christmas

I hear something
on the roof.

Santa Claus?

Probably not.

I-I didn't hear
any sleigh bells.

Well, here goes nothing.

It is Santa!

It couldn't be!

Maybe it's a raccoon.

- Willie, Willie!
- Hm? Hm?

- It's ALF!
- ALF!

Merry Christmas.

You do look so familiar.

And your voice is so familiar.

I guess you must
remind me of someone else.

Would you care for
some tea and cookies?

Uh, thank you.

Uh, perhaps a little bit later.

Right now I got
so much work here

I don't know what to do.

Unless I delegate

How'd you like to
be my assistant?

What can I do?

Uh, how about getting
me that crescent wrench?

No problem.


It's close enough.

- Tiffany?
- 'Yeah?'

Hi. We're the Tanners.

I think we have, um,
a mutual friend.

- ALF!
- Shhh!

Hi, I'm Brian.

These are for you.

- Hello, Willie.
- Mr. Foley!

Say, um..

Could I talk to you just,
just for a minute?

Well, sure.

Listen, um..

Um, it's not that we
don't appreciate this

because we do,
we really, really do.

And we can't thank you enough.

It's just that, um

I-I don't think we'd be
able to use it all that often.

It's a beautiful cabin, but...

In other words,
you've got a tax problem.

- Uh, potentially.
- Hm.

Then I'll just
hang on to this

and invite you
all back next year. Huh?

You might want to
look out the window.

'"Yes, Virginia,
there is a Santa Claus.'

'"He exists as certainly
as love and generosity'

'"and devotion exist.'

'"How dreary would be the world
if there were no Santa Claus.'

'"It would be as dreary as
if there were no Virginias.'

'"There would be no
child-like faith, then'

'"no poetry, no romance'

'"to make tolerable
this existence.'

'"Eternal light, with which
childhood fills the world'

'would be extinguished."'