ALF (1986–1990): Season 1, Episode 26 - Come Fly with Me - full transcript

ALF thinks he's won in a publisher's sweepstakes, but the actual truth is that he subscribed to "hundreds of magazines" (Willie probably exaggerates here)... The next leaflet ALF gets his hands on *does* promise free gifts, but only if the family comes to listen a sales pitch for vacation homes. The Ochmoneks are going there, so Trevor invites the Tanners to come along. Turns out he is a pilot who flew in the Korean war, so they are able to fly instead of a seven-hour drive. The reluctant Willie eventually warms to the idea, but ALF has to stay home. Or is it that he should stay home?

Willie big news

the Alvers want a contest yeah oh let's

see you want a copy of cat lovers

monthly kind of a letdown no recipes how

did you win this

well I entered that publishers

sweepstakes thing I licked all those

magazine stamps and stuck them on my

entry you sent in all those stamps well

all except red book it's still stuck to

the roof of my mouth just how many

magazines did you win

check the front porch you didn't win any

sweepstakes you you've subscribed to

hundreds of magazines what explains this

personal thank-you note from Ed McMahon




well here's your cappuccino where's the

grated cheese

Willie Kate I have something to tell you

this time the old Alfred

really want something what now 11

records for a penny

this time the Elmer's one stuff for


pony rides for Bryan tennis lessons for

Lynn dinner and dancing for you two and

best of all for the old Alfred a toaster

I guess you didn't hear me a toaster we

heard you did I mention that the toaster

talks this is just a real estate

promotion a free toaster for listening

to a sales pitch about to vacation homes

there may be a pony ride but there's

also a seven-hour car ride to get to

this place I'm not driving seven hours

sorry Alfred Alfred

they lied to a child hi neighbor

hi got you a present Thanks won't you

come in I noticed you garbage cans have

been flowing over oh yeah we've been

throwing out a lot of magazines lately

yeah these insert things all will be a

fortune lon

I kept the perfume samples wife's

birthday's next week

would be touched as a mine hey you got a

letter from Rancho estates - oh yeah the

toaster people yeah we're killing me

we go to these things all the time hey

you want to go together together no no

we're not interested but because of me

no no I didn't mean that we'd we'd love

to spend a weekend with you folk but

we're not interested in the seven-hour

drive are you can fly there in one hour

yeah sure but who could afford it I'll

fly a tear for nothing

my friend lets me borrow his plane on

weekends you're a pilot yeah I flew in

Korea over in Shawn I took some commie

flak on my ribs you want to see the scar

then it's settled see you Friday night

after work at the airport

what settled what airport oh thanks

again for the garbage can Trevor what

garbage can this garbage can and Trevor

wants to fly us to Rancho estates way to

go mister oh we don't have to see mister

arc Manik in a bathing suit do we know

because we're not going what a weekend

with the AK monix well you know it's not

as if we have to share the same bathroom

do we know let's go anyway even if you

could get me in a plane with Trevor we

still the problem of leaving Alf all

alone well now maybe that's not that big

a problem Alf has gone six months

without starting a fire please see a

vacation would be nice okay let's go I'm


Oh Oh am I going alone no we're going

alone come on which which means we trust

you off to stay by yourself I don't want

to be trusted I want to go that letter

was sent to me Alf I'm very sorry that

we can't take you but we can't

I promise we'll bring back that talking

blender toaster the thing you put bread

into a blender you put cats in to see I

need to go and teach you about small


now it's settled out we're going and

you're staying Oh fine I'll stay here

and talk to our old toaster of course it

won't talk back gonna be a long quiet

weekend for the old Alfred don't feel

guilty I don't feel guilty then you

haven't been paying attention


fine with me

come fly come fly away

this is Captain I've Manik speaking but

those with cameras on your left is the

Tujunga toxic waste dump I'll fly in

lower so you can get a better view

no don't look at see it fine from here I

sure get a kick out of flying passengers

for a change instead it just cargo

where's that smell coming from and the

cargo hold where the pigs are so sick of

me why do we have to fight baby

backwards anyway I guess so we can keep

our eye on the pigs



there you go really this place is really

nice I'm kind of surprised me too the

hotel is great I keep looking for the

catch hello you must be the Tanners I'm

Bill Loman Sales Manager for Rancho

estates I was expecting you

hello mr. Tanner I think you were

expecting the hard sell well there's no

need to worry about that good because

after you've seen this slide show you

are going to be begging me to sell you a

home good day and at Rancho Estates

every day is a good day would it be okay

if we look at this later win later much


oh absolutely no problem

you know you folks should first enjoy

some tennis some swimming and some

fishing and if you need me I'll be

following you in a golf cart

you know we expected a sales pitch

that's no reason why we still can't

enjoy ourselves Oh buenos dias


let's clear this up are you or are you

not happy to see me

are those chocolates how did you get

here I stowed away in Kate's suitcase Oh


now I'll have your hair all over my

clothes take it easy

your clothes are hair free and hanging

neatly in the closet back home what am I

supposed to wear here well I love what

you've got on now perfect for every


have we trusted you to stay out of

trouble I trusted you to get my toaster

but I don't see it anywhere let alone

hear it but the fact is I felt neglected

I'm a member of this family too you know

I just wanted to be with the people I

love and get that toaster can't we shake

this guy Brian quick you better hide out

from the bedroom all right but don't

start that slideshow without me looks

like when neighbors again you want to go

catch the 4:00 show actually we were

just thinking about going home what do

you think would that be out of the


he's joking right no the plane ride was

such fun we can't wait to fly again


on Saturday traffic school well I'm

sorry that plane is on its way to

Central America I can't tell you

anything else are you saying we're stuck

here yeah

tough luck at stuck in a resort hotel

come on let's cut a rug trip the light

fantastic do the Huskie I'd love to but

I don't have anything to wear

well what was in that suitcase of yours

it waited Tony Sun Tan Lotion mom tends

to burn but don't worry about it

Raquel then you're one of her dresses

now don't spill anything on Raquel's

dress I might want to wear it next


dad what are you doing up so early

I'm sorry I'm I I never got to sleep I

spent the whole night listening to the

iconic snore you know pattern

I'm like a conversation didn't you hear

yeah but I just thought it was the ice

machine else

where's elf I can't find out I'm right

here really what's wrong

where were you out catching catfish

somebody could have seen you

no way this place is a mark before dawn

I wanted to surprise you guys by serving

catfishing bed eight Anna rise and shine

bedroom bathroom gotta clean the fish

come on Vee

a morning shower good you're already up

hey we've got a bidet Brian in the

morning his voice is a lot lower

sounds like he's shaving oh yeah yeah I

won't allow him devil moustache that's

good you gotta take a stand

listen since we're up already why not go

for a pony ride

oh thanks Trevor we're just gonna stay

here yes it's such a great room we don't

want to waste it by going out but you

gotta go out you gotta go to the big

sales presentation it's mandatory for

everybody all of us away from this room

at the same time yeah what the heck get


listen the buffet starts at 7:00 o'clock

but Kel have you dress picked out by

6:30 oh by the way she wanted to know

did you need a bra with that just the

dress Alf he's gone catfish don't have

scales but I won't be needing your

shaver anymore neither will I


nice dress mom yeah you look real sexy

in that well anyone would look good in

this hmm you know you're not supposed to

be eating shellfish you'll have an

allergic reaction it's a lot safer than

the mixing of food Tana's II what oh I'm

sorry I was I was worrying about whether

our room would be all right all alone

our room will be fine dad it has a

toaster to keep it company hello room

service send another bag of bread to

room 13 yeah leave it outside the door


quiet I'm on the phone oh hey

and bring some tartar sauce

now let's see what you can do with

catfish you know your daughter is a

terrific tennis player you know honey if

you lived up here you could play every

day yeah why don't you tell your dad how

much you'd like to live here

no oh go on tell him no tell him no

we'll begin the sales presentation in

just a minute that's why we're here

right of course there are some people

who keep coming back for the free room

and shellfish last chance for seconds

revver you said you were only going back

for salad I did it's underneath the

shrimp they turn up you didn't need a

thing he's still worried about your room

no Willy was that

I warned them about that Mexican food

I tell you Tana I thought only rock

stars got kicked out of hotels yeah I

can't imagine what causes that toast to

the short circuit but I'm gonna find out

sure stunk up the place smell the burnt

fish all the way to the lobby

by the way how's that smell back in the

cargo section I for one miss the pigs

I'm sorry I meant the host down to

Jackals and Raquel I feel a little woozy

get me a broom Oh will you I warned you

about that shellfish Trevor just get it

alright I'll get it in a second I have

to put oil on my shoulders that hotel

ought to warn their guests about the Sun

quite possibly the worst weekend of our

entire lives you haven't stopped

complaining since I burned down that

room you back the jackets there hyenas

and I don't like them they're jackals

but why are they laughing at

lieutenant McIntosh give me the

coordinates we're almost over enemy

territory a one enemy territory

what enemy territory what do you think

that is the Mississippi River those are

the bridges at toko-ri now part of the

trip of the war is over

why I did over to the shellfish Willy

what's wrong

Trevor how serious is this allergy it's

nothing listen would you switch on the

autopilot where is it it's right down

there Thanks

I'm gonna get up move around a little

stretch for a minute so I don't pass out


a something oh good the USO now relax

everybody nobody is gonna fly this plane

I'll fly it you we have an emergency I'm

the logical choice home by the way you

were right they are not hyenas but they

are laughing oh he can't even work the


well he did fly a spaceship yeah how

different can it be oh my gosh Raquel Oh

Ciel help me block the door

help is on the way we can bring him sit

down fasten your seat belt did you

figure it out can you fly it I think so

I need to see an owner's manual owners

mingled and I can't fly it

the laws of aerodynamics are the same

everywhere in the universe

yeah that's right what are they quick

all right easy easy


this thing's a piece of cake check this

out I gotta hand it to you Tennant it

did a great job bringing in that plane

but the next time you might mention to

the airport that you plan to land I'll

keep that in mind thank you so much for

the dress I don't know what I would have

done without it

what a lovely weekend we must do it

again sometime okay but only if we get

the jackals come on baby

speak to the old Alfred are they gone

yes oh good then we could pick up where

we left off I believe you were thanking

me for saving your lives no I believe we

had already thanked you several times

well you could thank me again no please

all right thank you Alf we never could

have made it back without you you're the


alien that any family hold that thought

will you Willi my catfish are ready