ALF (1986–1990): Season 2, Episode 1 - Working My Way Back to You - full transcript

ALF breaks Kate's precious $1,000 painting and gets confined in the garage. ALF can't handle a single night there and makes a bargain with Kate: unless he can behave 7 days in the house, ALF has to move into the garage permanently.

the game of spleen ball is very simple

Brian you just sling your anchovies into

your opponent's laundry basket Oh missed

do I get to eat the anchovies after the


no does Marvin Hagler eat his trunks

after a fight

okay who dumped my clean laundry out on

the floor

Roy until I can place Flav up it's not

nice to rat on your friends spleen ball

a picture's worth a thousand words

that picture was worth $1,000

well maybe the frame makes it look cheap

I am tired of your breaking things if

this happens one more time you will be

living in the garage from now on I'll

treat this house as if it were my own

treat it as if it were my house and

don't break anything cheap frame I guess

it can be repaired






bully I said I was sorry how many times

do I have to say it it's gotten to a

point where it's saying you're sorry

it's not enough what if I write it down

you don't get it do you

get what this whole idea of living


you see we make rules and we follow them

to keep our lives from becoming chaos

now if anybody breaks those rules you or

or me or anybody then life becomes

impossible you're right

I don't get it let me put it this way

you're staying in the garage until we

say you can get out bet I get you ask

you something did you act this way in

your parents house no I lived in their

garage oh sure drop parallel just think

about what I've said okay and we'll

discuss it later Willy please you can't

leave me out here there none of the

comforts of home

Wow all right you can you can bring

something out from the house can it be

something that answers to hey lucky

thought wait wait wait

I want to ask you something it's

important what

by elf

oh no wait no I know what its gonna ask

you instead of me wasting time learning

how to behave

could I just suck up to Kate well Kate

and I agreed about sending you out here

so if anything you gonna have to suck up

to both of us

well thanks I'll remember that handsome





our furniture we've been robbed


wishful thinking



oh honey Oh housewarming gift tonight

who told you you could bring this

furniture out here Willie did not you

said I could bring something from the


I said you bring something not

everything no in all fairness you did

not make that point clear want to take

that hideous Statue of Liberty clock

that clock was a gift from my mother


I meant lovely as lovely as your mother

that must be the microwave brisket

anyone else I want you to take

everything back into the house tonight

and I emphasize the word everything and

I emphasize the word tonight and if you

don't you will be living out here


I noticed you emphasized the word

permanently wait don't go

please can we sit down and talk this out

just give me one minute all right fine

yes you have one minute

thank you hey Willie don't sit there

that's my chair

that was my chair on the house well

we're not in the house

40 seconds well that's not fair Willie

talk to penalize him

thirty-five what are you mission control

30 30 seconds I just had a minute half a

minute ago

forget the minute just say what you have

to say no I need human companionship I

don't know how I ever got along without

it but now I'm hooked

I'm a people junkie please don't go oh

you go ahead okay I'll sit on here with

him for a while really what are you

doing it seems like he really misses us

I do I do I do and our brisket now he's

after us oh you're right of course

you're right you stay in the garage

without us and without our brisket

good night out Kate wait please give me

another chance I know I could change

just let me move back inside for one

week and I'll prove it to you

I'll be on my best behavior what if

during this week you don't change then

Willy and I will move out here for good

all right you've got a deal Oh Kate I

don't want to move out here

well I didn't mean that as part of the

deal is you stay in the house for one

week but if you mess up your history hey

no problem the week hasn't started yet

right furniture is back oh and he's

fixed the painting and everything seems

so much cleaner than usual

uh no offense good morning sir madam

your eggs benedict is served

oh no he's using a stove but yet he's

wearing my shirt why that was first you

two must be famished Oh what is going on

going on ma'am okay this food looks

great thank you sir I believe a meal

should be pleasing to the eye as well as

to the palate ow

um just so that I know is the entire

week gonna be filled with a lot of sirs

and ma'ams and haute cuisine well man

per our deal I wanted to show you how

much it would please me to please you

well thank you that that's very nice you

know I appreciate that I must admit the

eggs do look delicious and the house is

very clean it's amazingly clean it's not

that clean I do hope you folks will have

a chance to check under the tables I've

scraped off all the gum there was gum

under the tables

well gum and other crusty substances

deposited there by someone who'll

henceforth be known as the old elf may

he rest in peace

what's not so good help you look great

did we the cleaning crew come in here or

something that house looks fantastic

crying out loud I'll clean the whole

house and they made us this wonderful


oh good better than that stinky stuff

mom usually makes our bride I just was a


that was yesterday today's our Butler if

you don't mind madam I prefer the word

manservant helps keep me in my place

it's Trevor you better the new Alfa

moves fast

come on in Trevor hey hey Taylor who

painted your fence it looks great but I

don't know what I don't know what you're

talking about

oh wow so painted happy birthday dad oh

it's your birthday present

I hope I didn't ruin the surprise oh no

no I was gonna look up the window soon

anyway I'll be 45 in August that's six

months away and ain't your birthday you

just had your fence painted so you can

keep up with the harmonics well I'm not

gonna tell you where I bought my

florescent flamingos we blew it

hey Kate great looking breakfast mom

didn't make it

who did I'm a servant you got a


just for the week well do me a favor

don't mention it to Raquel you have our

word Thanks she went ape when she found

out you had a vacuum cleaner you might

have Jeeves give me a jingle I might

want him to paint my flamingos Oh Jeeves

there's something I'd like to ask you I

know what you're going to say sir and

I've already taken care of those ghastly

flamingos of them no they've been

removed and tomorrow I shall terminate

the lawn jockey

did you see what Alf didn't he

embroidered milord and milady on the

towels he's amazing

you're telling me he got that stubborn

Cranberries staying off of my pajama

tops yeah you can do anything

oh yeah I'll say I can't believe I'm

saying this but he he's actually making

me feel inadequate I wasn't gonna say


oh I didn't mean you're the one who's

making me feel inadequate and the kids


I mean everybody is so carried away with

the new elves old-world charm hope

you're not expecting that Emil when

things get back to normal

absolutely not milady

a nap milord that shade



morning ma'am oh it's your last day

there's no need to wax the floor again

I'm free at the moment and I finished

shortening your dresses you shortened my

dresses well they are showing higher

hemlines this year and I didn't think

milady wanted to continue with the Nancy

Reagan look Thank You al Florin l flora


I'll have to phone the other man's

servants I've befriended and tell them

that you've unleashed yet another corker

excuse me ma'am but the wax isn't dry

yet if you must go into the kitchen I'll

have to carry you

I'll wax in your wake Oh get a piggyback

ride smell I wasn't in the mood what's

that slop

it's eggs florentine brushed with a

Mandarin the orange glaze we don't have

anything to drink except Perrier else

gets it it costs from the French Embassy

I'll relax okay we're gonna have the old

Alf back at sundown I hope so I want to

take anymore quiche to school nobody

will trade with me the week is over as

far as I'm concerned I'm gonna have a

plain ol orange Willie I don't think

that I can make it till sundown why

don't we go away for the day

good idea oh come on that's silly now

why don't we just tell Alf that is one

well I'm for that you've won one ma'am

the bet is off you can turn in your your

whisk broom and your phony accent let

out a big burp and let's get on with it

what we're saying is we want the old Alf

back please I must insist that we follow

this through isn't that one of the rules

to follow things through otherwise we'd

have chaos and our life would be

impossible all right we're leaving at

6:14 6:14 6:14 that's when the Sun Goes


and that means pledge week is over and

you can go back to being yourself where

we gonna go who cares as long as it's

someplace dirty goodbye Oh Sir William

is there some special meal you'd like

for my last hurrah Oh Oh actually there

is one thing that Kate's always had a

little trouble with that's duck a

L'Orange no problem shall I serve a nice

hearty burgundy let it be lovely

count on it oh yeah you bet and we don't

want anything fancy for dinner either


6:13 one minute to go luck Meister then

I'll be down on you like a buzzard on a

gut wagon the duck a l'orange is ready

have some wine it'll slow down your

reflexes zut alors the gas is on I

forgot to light the oven oh well better

late than never



well I guess we'll have to order in

tonight on the town

the Japanese trade imbalance what do

women in bikinis think about it

I love sweeps week oh I just take it

easy you didn't lose everything you

still got your health I'm sorry two

firemen had to chop their way in you

people should give me a key cover what

happened I think I know what happened

where is he where is he Oh Jeeves

I think he took off when he saw the mess

in the kitchen the kitchen

Lynne when are you gonna see if you can

find Jeeves Trevor I think we can handle

this from here Thanks

thanks for waiting for us to come home

my pleasure

I hope you don't mind I was a little

hungry so I had some of that crispy duck

that was stuck to the wall don't worry

about it

have a good night you no need to close

the door on your way out do you think

else okay I found out he was hiding in

the dryer with grandma's rosary I know

what you're gonna say and I've already

accepted my fate I'm turning myself in

to the alien task force I don't deserve

to live

alfe why do these things always happen

to you

beats me maybe the past life I was a

wrecking ball you were so good all week

what happened yeah we'd really like to

know I'll keep it simple Willy the

kitchen blew up this is like a

roadrunner cartoon oh how did the

kitchen blow up beg your pardon ma'am

how did the kitchen blow up

just tell me how the kitchen blew up

well the oven was on for a while then I

realized I hadn't lit it so I struck a

match didn't just smell the gas at the

time I thought it was dill but goodbye

and good luck

oh come on back out you don't have

anywhere to go and we don't want you to

go but I failed I didn't live up to the

agreement I don't deserve to stay oh we

know that but you're staying anyway okay

oh come on now place is a mess we got a

lot of cleaning up to do and if there's

one thing that I've proved this week

it's that he knows how to clean up well

actually that was the new well now that

I'm the old dealth I don't I'll get the

push broom milord

well hey how's it going Alf I thought

you're gonna take these things back to

Trevor they're not Trevor's anymore I

bought them well actually you bought

them your checks in the mail

hey hit the switch Leah you gotta see


see what trust me just turn off the

light tell me is this a significant

moment or what it's breathtaking care

for a little mood music I think we must

have it