The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 7, Episode 3 - The Scavenger Vortex - full transcript

The gang get competitive when they are forced to take part in Raj's scavenger hunt.


couldn't help but notice
none of you RSVP'd

to my murder mystery
dinner party.

Oh, yeah.

We were meaning
to do that.

No, you weren't
because it was a week ago

and nobody came!

So, if you want to solve
the mystery of who stabbed

Koothrappali in the back
with the weapon of indifference,

it was all of you.

I don't think that
qualifies as a mystery.

We all knew what
we were doing.

We're sorry, Rajesh.

Maybe we can do it next week.

Whoa, whoa, we're
not that sorry.

Don't worry, I can take a hint.

No more murder mystery parties.

Great. Thank you.

Because I've got something
even better planned.

Aw! Why?
Come on.

Just hear me out.

I'm going to make you guys

a scavenger hunt
like they have at M.I.T.


I loved those.

I did them every year there.

We did them at Princeton, too.

Oh, that's cute.

Like it's a real college.

That's amusing-- I was going
to say that about M.I.T.,

but it works for Princeton, too.

Scavenger hunts at Harvard
were really tough.

I always got stuck on
the first challenge--

trying to find someone
to be on a team with me.

I guess that story's
more sad than funny.

I love scavenger hunts.

My friends and I had them
all the time.

Oh, these are a
little different.

There's a tradition
at elite universities.

And Princeton.

A tradition of hunts

full of puzzles
that rely on logic

and obscure knowledge, science.

Oh, in ours we would just run
around town looking for a store

that would sell us beer.

So, uh, who's in?

I think it sounds fun.
Yeah, me, too.

I'm in.
Let's do it.

I'm sorry.
Are we really doing this

or are we tricking
Koothrappali again

like with the dinner party?

♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪

♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

♪ The Earth began to cool

♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪

♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

♪ Bang! ♪

♪ The Big Bang Theory 7x03 ♪
The Scavenger Vortex
Original Air Date on October 3, 2013

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

What's all this?

Oh, everything
I could possibly need

to win the scavenger hunt.

You really think he's gonna
send us to a bowling alley?

Well, if he does,

do you know how filthy
those rental balls are?

They might as well
stand on the corner

and give away free rectal exams.

Okay, everybody.

Who's ready for a...



in the city of Pasadena,

I've hidden

a golden coin.


You will be faced with a total

of ten puzzles!

Each p...


each puzzle will lead you

to the location of the next.

The last of which

will lead you to the coin.

The first team that finds it...


He is a born showman.

Any questions?

Yes, to be fair, do people

who went to Princeton
get a head start?

That's not funny.

Oh, it actually is
if you get the joke.

It's based on the premise

that Princeton isn't
a very good school.


Oh, see? Now he gets it.

Okay, guys, go ahead

and divide yourselves
into teams of two.

Should we just do couples?

Couples sounds great.

Or we could mix things up.

Maybe pick names out of a hat.


Whoa, whoa...


Why don't you just admit

you don't want to be
on a team with me.

I just said,
"Couples sound great."

Mm-hmm, yeah, you don't
think I'm smart enough.

You think I'm gonna
be a liability.

Even though I
totally just used

the word "liability"

in a sentence.


All right,
let's-let's do couples.

I want to.

No, no.

Let's mix things up.

I choose Sheldon,
and we're gonna kick your ass!

Yeah... really?

The only time I'm ever
picked first for a team

and I'm stuck
with the liability?

Stop that.
Penny is not a liability.

Thank you. Do you want
to be on my team?

Maybe we pick names
out of a hat.

All right, hurry up
and close the door

so they can't hear us.

Would you stop pouting?

So, you picked my name.

Get over it.

Yes, and do you know
what the odds are

I'd pick your name?


It's not hard-- one in five.

Now you know why I'm pouting.

All right, teams.

Get ready to open
your first puzzle.


Do you see what I did?

The first puzzle is a puzzle!

Oh, my God,
how adorable is that?

I wish I had a friend like me.

What are you doing?

You have to start
with the edges.

Well, there's
no right way, Sheldon.

I already found
a few pieces that fit.

Yeah, well, take them apart
and start with the edges.

And stop wasting time.

Wow, you're really
good at puzzles.

I did them all
the time as a kid.

As my mom used to say,

"When you're doing a puzzle,

it's like having a
thousand friends."

She was full of fun
lies like that.

If it makes you feel
any better,

my mom's just full
of pound cake.

I'm sorry you got
stuck with me.

I bet you wanted to
be with Bernadette.

Have you ever played
a game with Bernadette?


Have you ever gone

into a steel cage
with a wolverine?

Faster, faster, faster!

Do you not know that word?

It means "more fast"!

Stop yelling at me.


You'll know when
I'm yelling at you.

Ooh, ooh, it's
the comic book store!

All right, come on.

That's where we have to go.

But we haven't
finished the puzzle.

Well, it-it doesn't matter!

We know the answer!

Come on.
You think you know the answer.

But it could be a trick.

What if when
the puzzle's complete,

there's a sign
in the window that says,

"Go to the train store"?

Okay, it's not gonna say that.

Well, I hope you're wrong.

I really want to go
to the train store.

It's the comic book store.

Let's go!

Come on, numb nuts,
it's the comic book store!

It's the comic book store,
it's the comic book store,

it's the comic book store!

It's the comic book store.

Do you think
Penny's mad at me?

Because you're
in the right lane

behind a bus
and you won't go around it?

I'm sure
she finds it charming.

No, because I didn't
want her on my team.

I'm starting to think
she dodged a bullet.

The slowest bullet in the world.

Geez, I never realized
you were so competitive.

Yeah, I know.

It's-it's probably
because I grew up

with five brothers and sisters

so I had to fight for every...

Oh, my God, you did not
just slow down for a bird!

You know they fly, right?!

I think this is
the first time we've ever

actually been alone together.

Huh, I guess
you're right.

Wonder why that is?

Well, off the top of my head,
I'd say we don't have a lot

in common except for the people
we're involved with.

Plus, when we first met,
Penny warned me never

to get into a car
alone with you.


You know, I bet you and I have
more in common than we think.

Such as?

I don't know.

Tell me some things you like.

Uh, let's see.

I like harps,
Little House on the Prairie,

medieval poetry,
medieval literature...

Hey, how about some music?


Sheldon never lets me
listen to music in the car.

He doesn't want to be mistaken
for a gang member.

Find something you like.

Beatles, boring.

Eminem, scary.

Weird Al?

How old are you?

Neil Diamond?

Yeah, I love Neil Diamond.

I love Neil Diamond.

♪ Sweet Caroline

♪ Bum-ba-da

♪ Good times
never seemed so good ♪

♪ So good, so good, so good ♪

♪ I've been... ♪

Oh, hey, thanks
for letting me use

the comic book store
as part of the scavenger hunt.

Oh, my pleasure.

Always happy to help out
with fun things

that I wasn't invited
to be a part of.

Oh, congratulations.

You're the first team
to arrive.

Yes! It's not a ruse
to make fun of me.

It's a real game
and I'm winning it!

Your next puzzle is a riddle.

And who better
to give it to you

than The Riddler?

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,

go, go, go, go,
go, go, go!

How am I faster than you?

I'm wearing heels and I stopped
to take a phone call.

I have asthma.

Back off!

"Riddle me this.

"Arrah, Arrah, and gather round,

"the work of this hero
is legion-bound.

"He multiplies N
by the number of He,

and in this room
the thing you'll see."

Good riddle, huh?

So when you guys
plan fun activities,

does my name even...

come up, or...?

I invited you to my
murder mystery party.

No, you didn't.


We're the last ones here,
hurry up!

It is a marathon,
not a sprint.

People run
in a marathon!

Not with a bowling ball
on their back.

Hey, Penny, I just
wanted to say good luck,

and I hope there's
no hard feelings.

Hey, Romeo!

Repair your relationship
on your own time.

Relax, it's
a hard puzzle.

It's gonna take
a while to solve.

"Riddle me this..."
Got it.

Hey, Princeton,
look at that,

Team Community College
Night School is in the lead.

I thought we were
the Lightning Sharks.

Hey, you know what
this could mean...

Oh, oh, that's good.

Then this
would be...

That's it.

To the Neil Mobile!

I knew it,
we're gonna lose!

Wait, I got it.
I got it!

you got it last.

You're really mean,
you know that?

So no one's gonna buy anything.



Let's see.

"To continue
on your quest,

leave no stone unturned."


The next clue
must be hidden

under one of
these rocks.

Oh. Okay.

I-I've got to ask.

How did you figure out
that it was the geology lab?

Oh, simple.

a member of
the Legion of Superheroes,

known as Element Lad.

And then
the word "He,"

it wasn't
the masculine pronoun,

but rather, "H-E,"

the abbreviation for helium.

See where I'm going with this?


Nice try.

Now, Element
Lad's ability

is the power to transmute
chemical elements.

Helium has
an atomic number of two.

If you multiply that
by the atomic number of "N"--


you get 14, which is
the atomic number of...?

I'm just funnin' you,

And that is
the most common element

in the Earth's

So that narrowed it down

to the geology lab
or the chemistry lab.


I can drink a beer underwater.

And I'm sure
your parents are proud.

Now, finally,

the line "in this room
the thing you'll see"

was an obvious reference

to Fantastic Four member
The Thing,

who's made entirely of...

Shut up.

I solved it.

Those are map

Got 'em.
Let's go.

Well, wait.

D-Don't you want to know
how I figured it out?

No one likes
a know-it-all, Penny.

♪ On the boats
and on the planes ♪

♪ They're coming to America ♪

♪ Never looking back again

♪ They're coming to America... ♪

Um, I'm okay with you
driving my car.

I'm not okay
with you flying my car.

Don't sweat it, my dad's a cop.
He can fix things.


Like death?

Your kid may be
an honor student

but you're a moron!

Penny's not answering my texts.

Who cares?
Focus on the game.

This stupid game is why
she's mad in the first place.

I'm telling her I'm quitting.


Quitting would be
the worst thing

for your relationship.


Because it would
make you seem like

something she already
thinks you are.

What does she think I am?

How do I put this?

She's been known
to call you a name

that usually applies
to a lady part.

Or a cat.

Or a willow.

I can't believe
she would say that about me.

If you're gonna
cry about it

there's tissues
in my purse.

Unless you got some in yours.

Big willow.

♪ They're coming to America ♪

♪ They're coming
to America ♪

♪ Today

♪ Today

♪ Today

♪ Today!

another 30 feet.



It's a bowling



My brain is better
than everybody's!

♪ Love on the rocks

♪ Ain't no big surprise ♪

♪ Just pour me a drink

♪ And I'll tell you
some lies... ♪

Call me a lady part.

We'll see about that.

Can you reach the clue?


Hurry, Sheldon and Penny

were right behind us
in the bowling alley.

Got it!

climb back up.

Come on!

Yeah, Penny might
be onto something.

To the planetarium!

Let's go!

To the tar pits!

Let's go!

There's a Neil Diamond
concert next month!

Let's go!

Three bags,
no one's opened 'em.

We're the first ones here!

It's dirty laundry. You're up.
What? You...

Why me?

Because you've
been training

for this
your whole life.

You live in a pile
of dirty laundry.

They're here first.

This is because you made me slow
down for that blind guy.

Okay, the clue
must be in the bag.

The clue must be
in the bag.

What's... it's just
a bunch of pants.

It's just
a bunch of pants.

You know,
I'm surprised

you want to copy
my answers

since I'm not even smart
enough to be on your team.

Well, why would you want to be
on someone's team

who you like
to call a...

I can't even say it
in front of Sheldon.

What are you talking about?

You know exactly what
I'm talking about.

No, she doesn't.

I just made
that up.

Why would you do that?

Because you were about
to quit like a big--

Sheldon, cover your ears.

I'm not a child.

I know the word "ninny."

Yeah, well, you
should have quit

'cause I'm still
gonna beat your ass.

Wish I had a man
like her on my team.

Hey, I-I am every bit

as much of
a man as Penny.

Now, let's do this!

Wait, it's not all pants,
there's one shirt.


Hey, that's my shirt.

This one is, too.
No, no, that's not mine.

That has a big
spot on it.

But wait.

So does this one.

Maybe the spot's
the clue.

"Sheldon's spot."

The coin is in your spot!

Oh, that's clever.


Be there in a minute.

I just have to pre-soak these!

Stop her, Leonard!
Stop her!

Well, where the
hell's the coin?

Wasn't the answer
Sheldon's spot?

Oh, yes, Leonard.

Yes, it was.

Then where's the coin?

Yes, exactly.

Where is the coin?

Why don't you look
in your pockets?

I slipped them in there
earlier today.

I don't get it.

Don't you see?

When we're all
having fun together,

we're already winners.

Oh, look.


Even I'm a winner.

Are you
kidding me?

That is the stupidest
thing I've ever heard.

You suck so hard.

Well, I thought...

Come on,
I didn't want anyone

to feel bad at the end
of the game.

And some of those puzzles
were really hard

and I didn't know
who was gonna get Penny.


Okay, okay,
that-that came out wrong,

but you have to admit,

you all had a wonderful time.

Run to India.

I just wanted to do
something beautiful!

Hey, look.

I won.

♪ Hey, she got
the way to move me ♪

♪ Cherry

♪ She got the way to groove me

♪ Cherry, baby

♪ She got the way to move me

♪ She got the way to groove me

♪ She got the way to move me

♪ Cherry

== sync, corrected by elderman ==