The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 5, Episode 24 - The Countdown Reflection - full transcript

As Howard prepares for his mission into space, flashbacks show the recent events leading up to his and Bernadette's wedding.

Previously on
The Big Bang Theory:

Who says something like that

right in the middle of sex?!
I don't know.

It was the heat of the moment!

No, the heat of the moment is
"Ooh, yeah, just like that."

Not, "Will you marry me?"

NASA really wants my telescope

up on the Space Station,

so they're putting me
on an earlier launch.


A week from Friday.

What? We're getting
married that Sunday.

You're right.

I can't go to space.

I have to get married.

No one can say
that's not a good reason.

I'll call them back.

We'll have the wedding
when you get back.

Your dad's going
to be furious.

There's no way
he's going to let us

postpone this
wedding. Well, we tried.

I'll talk to him.

He won't say no
to his little girl.

No! I, uh,
I should talk to him.

Man to man.

All right, look,
I'm going to level with you.

I'm terrified about
going into space.

You know, what if
I don't make it back?

It's going to be okay, son.

You really think so?

Of course.

A pretty girl
like Bernadette,

she'll find a new guy.

Hey, Mike?


I changed my mind.
I don't want to do this.

Good one.

Yeah, I'm a funny guy.

I also have a hysterical bit
planned for later

where I pretend to cry
through the whole launch.

Sheldon, what channel

289, right between
the Game Show Network at 288

and the East coast feed of the
Disney Channel on 290.

I love his eidetic
memory, it's so sexy.

Sheldon, what are the
ingredients in Pringles?

Dried potatoes, vegetable oil,

corn flower, wheat starch,

maltodextrin, salt,

and my favorite ingredient
of all, uniformity.

The uterus quivers,
does it not?

There's Howard's rocket,
live from Kazakhstan.

Oh, God, I'm so nervous.

I don't think I can watch.

You're nervous? I've been
stress-eating for four days.

Look at me.

I'm wearing my fat pants.

In just under a half hour,

200 metric tons
of fuel will

ignite in a
controlled explosion

right beneath
Howard's keister.

And all from a country whose
entire contribution

to the global economy, has been
Tetris and mail-order brides.

Give me those
damn Pringles.


Okay, we're in
the final countdown.

How you doing over there?

Good! Good!

Oh, quick question,
I missed it in the briefing.

How much urine
do these suits hold?

? Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ?

? Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ?

? The Earth began to cool ?

? The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ?

? We built the Wall ?
? We built the pyramids ?

? Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ?

? That all started
with a big bang ?

? Bang! ?

The Big Bang Theory 5x24
The Countdown Reflection
Original Air Date on May 10, 2012

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

Hey, Froot Loops, want
to hit your fan switch?


He calls you Froot Loops because
of your very gay haircut?

No, it's...
'cause I live with my mom

and she makes me Froot Loops.

Go with gay story, people
are more accepting of that.


Froot Loops just got
married to a girl.


Thanks, we decided to do it
before the launch.

You and Mrs. Loops
have a big wedding?

Not exactly.
Listen, if you don't mind,

I'm not really up for chatting.

I'm just going to
sit here quietly

and let my life
flash before my eyes.

That went really quick.
Let me try it again.

Close your eyes.
Put out your hand.

I got you something special.

Come on, Howard.
I'm not falling for that again.

No, here...

Oh, Howie.

A little star.

It's beautiful.

Put it on me.

Okay, but I'm going to have
to get it back for you

so I can take it to the
International Space Station.

That way, when I come home,

you will have a star
that was actually in space.

Oh... my God.

Take that, every guy who's ever
bought you anything.

This is the most amazing
gift I've ever gotten.

Really? Well, if you like it
that much,

then close your eyes
and put out your hand.

I'm going to the
supermarket to buy

snacks for your trip!
Do you want me to

get those little boxes
of Froot Loops you like?!

No! When I eat Froot Loops,

the other astronauts
make fun of me!

Howard, I don't want
to wait until

you're back to get married.


I want to be
married to you

before you get
in that rocket.

But I'm leaving in two days.

What about Apple Jacks?!

I don't need
to take cereal!

What kind of
breakfast do you think

they're going to
give you in Russia?!

They invented blintzes!
I'll be fine!

They invented
the lightbulb in New Jersey!

It doesn't mean they hand them
out to you when you go!

We'll have a quick little
ceremony with just our friends,

and we'll still have
the big reception

with everyone when
you get back.


Okay. Let's get married.

You know what,
I'll buy you All-Bran

in case you get
stopped up in outer space.

So anyway, we decided to go down
to City Hall this afternoon

get married, and then have the
reception when Howard gets back.

That's so good!

I mean, we know it's short notice,
but we'd love you all to come with us.

No, no, no, this is not
the wedding I wanted!

I want to wear
my maid of honor dress

and walk down the aisle
with a hundred eyes on me,

while a string quartet plays
"The Way You Look Tonight."

That wasn't going to be
our processional music.

Well, it was going
to be mine!

Thank you for the invitation,
but I have to decline

because it doesn't sound
like something I'll enjoy.

Come on, Sheldon,
it'll be fun.

That's what you said about
The Green Lantern movie.

You were 114 minutes of wrong.

So, what do you say, Amy?

Can I wear my
maid of honor dress?

Seriously? You're going to
wear that thing to City Hall?

It's all I have left! You're going
to take that from me, too?!

Amy, you look great.

I know.

Where'd you get a beer?

From that happy young couple
over there

with all the tattoos.

Beautiful story:
they're in rival drug gangs,

and they're getting married.

Shh, no one can know.

Look at all these people
in love.

It kind of gets you
thinking, doesn't it?

It does, indeed.


is it awkward being here
with Penny given that

you recently
proposed to her?

You proposed to Penny?

I don't want to talk about it.
Where did he pop the question?

What did you say?

She said, "No."
Can we drop it now?

It wasn't a real proposal.

Why wasn't it
a real proposal?

He asked her
during coitus.

Did you get down on one knee
or where you already there?

Howard, don't talk like that
on your wedding day.

Sorry, Ma... Bernadette.

Ma... Burna...
You're ma Bernadette.

Good move telling Sheldon.

What, I can't propose?
I can't talk to my friends?

Is there anything else
I'm not allowed to do?

All right,
that's enough.

Today is not
about you two.

Today is about
Howard and Bernadette

and me.

Folks, can I have
your attention.

It's 5:00, we're going to be
able to take three more couples.

The rest of you will have
to come back on Monday.

Oh, no.

I got this.

Excuse me?

But is there any way
you could squeeze us in?

See, I'm an astronaut and

I'm leaving for Russia
on Sunday so

I can take a Soyuz rocket to the
International Space Station.

Yeah, me, too.
I'll see you there.

I can't believe we're not
going to get married.

Excuse me, I'm going
to go see if the couple

at the front of the line
needs a maid of honor.

So, I tell my wife,

"Get a dog, don't get a dog,
I'm not walking it,

I'm not feeding it,
I'm not picking up after it."

You know you're going
to wind up walking it.

I know.

Uh, shouldn't you guys
be talking about

space stuff
instead of dogs?


Froot Loops would be
more comfortable

if we talked about
space stuff.


I'm going into space,

and when I come back,
I have to pick up a poodle crap.

Is that better?


You know, we could always drive
to Vegas and get married.

No, it's that
kind of tacky?

Hey, I know tons of people
who got married in Vegas.

Are any of them
still married?

Yeah, I mean, not to
the same people but...

There's got to be some place
special we could do it.

Leonard, where did you
envision marrying Penny?

Will you shut up?

Well, I know how to
make it special.

I told you we are not
recreating the wedding

from The Sound of Music.

Yes, you made that
brutally clear to me.

What I was going to suggest is
if that you're willing to wait

until Sunday morning,
the Google satellite

will be over Pasadena.

You can have your wedding
photographed from space.

That's so cool.

Oh, wait to go, Raj.
I keep telling you,

if I wasn't an astrophysicist,

I would have been
a party planner.

It was always a coin flip.

Okay, so we know we're going
to do it Sunday morning.

Now we need to find a good place
for the satellite to see us.

How about our roof?

Oh, I like that.
That's great.

Oh, my gosh. I can't believe
my maid of honor dress

is going to be on Google Earth.

So, we have the
where and the when,

but we still need to figure out
who's going to do the ceremony.

Well, that's easy.
Anyone can go online

and get ordained as a minister.

I know a piercing parlor,
where, for a hundred bucks,

they'll marry you
and stick a wedding ring

through any body part you want.

Great, well,
who's it going to be?

I'll do it,

provided I can perform
the ceremony in Klingon.


What do you see in her?

Leaking? What's leaking?

Fuel. Shh.

There's fuel leaking
and we're still going to go?

Don't lose your Froot Loops,
Froot Loops.

This happens a lot.

Nine times out of ten,
no problem.

What happens on the tenth time?


Hey, guys,
before I forget,

I got you a little
groomsman present.

Oh, thanks, man.
You didn't have to do that.

Fantastic Four,
annual number three from 1965,

in mint condition.

The one where Mr. Fantastic and
the Invisible Girl get married.

Oh, wow.

Oh, dear.

I was afraid of this.

While a thoughtful gift, this
comic book in this condition

is worth at least
a hundred dollars.

Yeah, so?

I bought you an Bernadette

a gravy boat worth $88.

Which places me in your debt

and I can't be in your debt

because someday you might
ask me to help you move...

...or to kill a man.

I doubt he'll ask you
to kill a man.

Well, what if it's
his only way out?

I can't risk it.

Here is $12.

Now, we're even.


I bought a card.
Give me two dollars.

And for the record, this is why
I hate gift-giving.

Who is it?

It's the groom.

You can't come in.
Bad luck to see the bride.

Okay, uh, fine.

Bernie, I have to go
pick up my mother!

I'll be right back!

Why can't she drive herself?!

She doesn't want to sit in
her dress and wrinkle it

so I'm going to lay her down in
the back of my neighbor's van!

All right, just hurry!

Okay, I'll see you later,
Ma... uh...

lovely bride-to-be.

I really got to watch that.

Come on, Raj,
we're ready to start.

What, we're ready,

when I say we're ready.


Okay, now we're ready.

Ma, you want to move your chair
over here so you can see?!

I'm fine where I am!

I don't want to
fall off the roof!

You'll fall through the roof
before you fall off it.


(Vivaldi's Spring plays)

Your new mother-in-law's
a piece of work.

Not now, Dad.

She's got a
bigger mustache than me.

Here you go.

"Here you go"?

What am I, a football?

Like that guy
could catch a football.

Howard and Bernadette,

the five of us stand before you
as your friends

and newly ordained ministers.


They all got ordained,
they're all marrying us,

it's adorable!

If you want to hear it,
come closer!

Guys, when I look
at the two of you

starting your lives together,
it fills... my heart...

It fills my... heart...

Okay, I'm going
to need a minute.

Okay, I'll, I'll go.

Howard and Bernadette,
I know you two

planned on getting married
in a big fancy wedding,

but when you're in love,
it doesn't matter where

or how these things happen.

It just matters that
you have each other.




I think the
Reverend Hofstadter

is making an
ironic connection

between your statement about
love and your rejection

of his proposal
in the bedroom.

Oh, grow up.
Hey, I didn't say it.

All right, that's enough
from the both of you.

Well, he started it!

Well, I'm ending it!

Bernadette, I want to thank you

for allowing me to be
your maid of honor.

I also want you to know,

that I will be happy
to do it again

if this marriage craps out.

Thank you, Amy.

Very touching.

Howard and Bernadette,

you are lucky enough to be best
friends who love each other.

And that's the
strongest kind of love

because at its core, it has
kindness, patience, and respect.

Qualities that are hard to find
in people these days.

Would you like
some aloe vera?

You just got burned.

All right, my turn.

Howard, Bernadette...

Sheldon! I told
you no Klingon!

Fine, I'll do it in English,

but it loses something.

The need to find another human
being to share one's life with,

has always puzzled me.

Maybe because I'm so interesting
all by myself.

With that being said,
may you find as much happiness

with each other
as I find on my own.

The Klingon would have
made you cry.

I believe you two
have prepared vows?

Howard Joel Wolowitz,
like you,

this is going to be
short and sweet.

I love you with
all my heart and soul

and promise
to be with you forever.

Bernadette Maryann

Speak up!

Hey, from now on, she's the
only women who can yell at me!

Until I met you,

I couldn't imagine spending
my life with just one person...

...and now I can't imagine

spending one day
of it without you.

By the power vested in us,

by the state of California...

and the Klingon High Council...

...we now pronounce you husband
and wife.

That's ignition.

I love this part!

Me, too!

I have strongly mixed feelings!

Oh, my God,
it's happening.

Did I miss it?

No, come on in. Hurry.

I love that man.

Me, too.

I can't believe it.

This whole time, a small part
of me thought he was lying.

This is it.

Boldly go,
Howard Wolowitz.

Oy vay...!

== sync, corrected by elderman ==