Pørni (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Mother of the year. - full transcript

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- Hi.
- Hi.

Hello.

Oh my. Have you
been baking again?

Yes. Almond cake.
It's Nina's birthday.

- Happy birthday.
- Thanks.

We have the counseling
meeting now, right? At ten?

Yeah. I think Trond and
I are supposed to do it.

Trond isn't familiar
with that case.

Pørni? Can you step
in here a moment?

Yes, of course.

Maybe he's having an employee
interview. That's new.



I got the mail about the
summer party, I just haven't...

- Hi.
- Hi. Hello.

This is Mette Isaksen from the
Child Welfare Services in Alna.

- Hi. Pernille Middelthon.
- Mette.

Would you close the
door and have a seat?

Well, I think I'll get
straight to the point.

You've gotten a notice.

Yes, I got poop in the mail
from Torunn not too long ago.

Yes, but this is more personal.
You've gotten a notice.

- A letter of concern.
- A letter of concern or a notice?

It's an anonymous letter of
concern regarding child neglect.

That's just Torunn.

She's threatened to cut my vagina
with a dull pair of scissors.

I have an appointment
at ten. Can I leave?



We've looked into it,
and it's not Torunn.

We believe this is a highly
credible letter of concern.

I understand this is quite
unpleasant for you, Pernille,

but it's so serious that we have
to open a case. It's routine.

I've asked Trond to
step in for you today.

Mette here is handling the case.

I thought you might need a day
off. You never take any time off.

I'm not having a fucking day off.
I'm going to court at one o'clock.

Don't make any procedural errors,
or we'll end up in Strasbourg.

SUCK IT UP

She went nuts when
she got that dick-pic!

I don't get why girls are so
offended by getting a dick-pic.

You could just delete it
or tell them to fuck off.

Pørni, Tellef made out with
a 40-year-old on Saturday.

Seriously?

- Mom, can I help you?
- No, thank you.

No! Don't touch the meat
without washing your hands!

Sorry.

What's up with you?

Sorry, Sigrid. I'm just a
bit stressed, okay? Sorry.

Tell us what happened.
You're dying to tell.

I hooked up with that one
chick, and she was, like, 40.

Hi, darling. Sorry for barking
like that. I don't want to do that.

It's okay, but can
I have 1,000 kroner?

For what?

I can buy Frøya's iPhone X,
because she's got an 11 Pro.

- Don't you have an iPhone?
- Yeah, an 8. Everyone teases me.

Sigrid, I'll develop fatigue syndrome
from all the new stuff you want...

- I knew it! Bitch!
- Sigrid, I don't want to fight!

Sorry!

You've reached Anne.
Please send an SMS

and don't leave a message, because
I won't listen to it anyway.

I'll call back as
soon as possible. Bye!

Hi.

I'm just wondering if I'm
a really shitty mother.

Some people think so.

I think Torstein and Birgitte have
sent a letter of concern about me.

Because they want Leo to
come to the west coast and...

I'm just not sure. Maybe
that's what he should do.

Start over somewhere new.

I want him to stay here, but...

I'm just wondering if...

Maybe it's because

if he's here, I kind of
haven't lost you completely.

Sorry.

Now I'm the one sucking
on the lollipop of grief.

Exploiting you in the worst way.

As you always say.

Bye.

I have my own car. Let's
talk tomorrow. Okay.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Everything all right?
- Yes.

God, how strange. I...

- I almost called you yesterday.
- Okay.

It's so stupid. I've
gotten a notice of concern.

A notice of concern?

And I thought...

It's not your problem, but I really
wanted to talk to you about it.

I don't know...

- Hi, are we leaving?
- Yeah. Yes.

Yes. This is Pernille. Pernille,
Therese, Therese, Pernille.

Oh, so you're Pernille.
Therese. Nice to meet you.

We have to leave for
that arraignment.

- And I got a table at Mother India.
- Okay. That's great.

Nice to meet you.

- Are you coming?
- Yes, right behind you.

Sorry, I have to...

You've gone away
from the long tits?

Yeah. You can't get
everything you wish for.

- See you around.
- Yeah.

The best worker will get
100 kroner from Grandpa.

Can't the kids help out a
little without getting paid?

How prissy can you get?

Can't I just be a grandparent
without having to educate them?

Hanna? Can't you help a
little? Don't just stand there.

Like pretty little Sigrid?
Can't you just hire someone?

Hi, Vemund.

What, is he outside?

Okay. You have a
police alarm, right?

You'll have to... The police
will be there in four minutes.

- Hanna!
- Can you call Madjid?

He's on call. I'll
send you his number.

Hey, you! Stop it!
How old are you?

- I'm bleeding.
- She started it.

We'll go in and
have a look at it.

- Psycho kid!
- Sigrid, sweetheart...

Grandpa? Can I get 1,000
kroner if I clean your place?

Hell will freeze over before I
let anyone else wash my apartment.

Washing is my Bikram Yoga.

Something else, then?
I could cut your hair?

I'm growing it out.

- Doesn't it need stitches?
- No, it's okay.

- Have you finished the PowerPoint?
- Yes, almost.

- Can you get the door?
- Sure.

- Does it hurt?
- It hurts when you press that hard.

I'm a colleague of your
mother's. Is she home?

Yeah.

Hi! I thought I'd stop by.

- What a lovely home.
- Thanks.

- Hi, are you Sigrid?
- No, Hanna.

Have you hurt yourself?

No, Mom hit me while yelling,
"It's for the good of the child."

That's not funny!

That notice of
concern is serious!

- Hi. Do we have a visitor? How nice.
- Hello.

- How are you?
- She's fine.

- Sorry, Mom. I was just joking.
- What happened?

Someone has sent a notice of concern
to the Child Welfare Services.

They're taking it seriously, and
I'm stressed out. That's all.

It's probably that damn
neighbor. It's revenge.

Remember how angry he was when I
chopped down that birch in 2010?

Not everything is
about you, Dad. Okay?

Sorry. You brought
cake and everything.

It didn't look like you were
doing too well yesterday,

so I thought I'd bake you
a cake. It's a cream cake.

- I'd invite you in for coffee, but...
- I was just dropping by to say hi.

- Nice meeting you.
- Good of you to come by. Bye.

- Did Vemund call you?
- Yeah, we spoke.

- Okay, great.
- Bye!

Bye!

Okay, guys.

No reason to mope. Things
work out for good girls.

If those who don't want
a hole in their heads

or aren't visiting their dad
could help Grandpa in the yard,

- that would be great.
- Can I come?

No, you have a soccer
match at three.

Astrid will drive you. Leo,
I'm just going to change.

- Does it hurt a lot?
- Nah, it's okay.

Let's go help Grandpa.

- Sure?
- Yes, it's fine.

Aren't we driving?

You don't think it's
Torstein and Birgitte?

Who sent the letter of concern?

They've implied they want custody
of you while Charlie is gone.

But they aren't that
crazy, are they?

Okay, that was a lot
in one go, but...

If you think I want to live in
Granvin with the Pentecostals,

then you're crazier
than I thought.

I might join the
district team, and...

And I have a new
girlfriend in the D class.

You have a girlfriend?

That's great!

Who is it? Who is she? Or he?

No, she's great. She plays
handball, and her name is Rim.

- She's nice.
- She could come for dinner.

I won't make a fuss.

You always make a fuss.

You're the king of fussing.

But seriously, don't
let them make me move.

That's the last thing I want.

I'd rather live here with you.

You're chill.

Like gangsta, or boss.

You think I'm boss?

I'm just kidding.

Can I move... I can take it now.

- Can't I?
- Yes, you can.

Yes.

You have to say check.

Fuck, that's right. Check.

Well, that's too bad.

This is Mette Isaksen from the Child
Welfare Services. Leave a message.

Hi, Mette, this is
Pernille Middelthon.

I should tell you something.
It's a long story,

but I have temporary custody
over my deceased sister's son.

His grandparents would
like to take over custody.

If the notice of concern is coming
from the west coast, now you know.

I'm just thinking everything
needs to be transparent.

But we'll speak on Tuesday. Bye!

- No!
- You should have taken that one.

Leo?

Can you go and buy a Red Bull?

And a coffee. Would
you like a coffee?

- Yes, please.
- Sure thing.

Okay.

- What's this? Red Bulls galore?
- Yeah, and beer in the weekends.

I'll just get
straight to the point.

Torstein and Birgitte told me

they want to apply for
temporary custody of Leo.

But we agree that it's best
for him to stay with me, right?

You know, I was going to
talk to you about this.

I think it's best for Leo
if we live in Granvin.

Why?

Well...

If I get a sentence...
I don't think I will,

but I can't move back to Asker.

The entire house is Anne.

All the neighbors and friends...

I'll just be the guy
who killed his wife.

I think it's good
for both Leo and me

if we move to Granvin
when things change.

What will you do there?

I can't work as a
dentist anymore.

Maybe I can help my brother
out at his practice.

I think Leo should have a say.

He's starting to settle
down and should have a say.

No, this is a decision
for adults, not the child.

You taught me that, Pørni.

Okay.

Hey, I'm...

I'm really grateful for
everything you've done.

And for not being angry with me. I
know you have every reason to be.

Yes.

There you go. They
didn't have Red Bull.

What did you decide? Do you
want tapas in the confirmation?

No, Auntie P's homemade lasagne.

Lasagna for everyone?
That's impressive, Pørni.

Yeah, I'm the lasagne
boss. That's the way it is.

We have to leave. We have to
pick up Sigrid from her match.

- Good seeing you again, Charlie.
- You too.

Come here.

Thanks for the game.

- I love you.
- Love you too.

Sorry, Frøya is always so slow in
the shower. Her hair is so thick.

No, that's fine. I got a snap
from Grethe. You won the match!

- Was it a good match?
- Sigrid screwed up the penalty kick.

- It happens.
- No, it doesn't.

You had two assists, and we
won. It could happen to anyone.

Yeah, it can happen to anyone.

Who should I drive home first?

Drop us off at the pizza place.

Are you having pizza? How nice.
Sigrid, do you have money?

Or you can't...

Sigrid can't go with you.
Grandpa is coming over.

Coming over? You live together.

He's a bit peculiar about that.
He insists that he's coming over.

Here we are.

- Thanks for driving us.
- My pleasure.

- Have fun.
- Yeah.

- Bye!
- Bye.

What kind of pizza
are you having?

Sorry, I was a bit slow getting
that you didn't want to join.

It's fine.

Frøya is nice.

- Is she in the C class?
- She's a cunt.

Sigrid, why do you
say things like that?

You can just tell me
what's on your mind.

I do.

No, you don't.

I need 1,000 kroner, but
you won't give them to me.

You're 12 years old. You
don't need an iPhone X.

I need Mario Badescu
stuff for pimples.

Hey...

I can buy you pimple
products if you need them.

You don't have to.

If anything has happened between
you and Lara, or anything else...

We could invite her to a sleepover
on Friday. And Frøya, too.

- The confirmation is on Saturday.
- It'll be fine.

I owe Frøya 1,000 kroner, okay?

Okay. What did you buy?

Nothing!

Can't you please just give
it to me, Mom? Please?

I promise to call you Mommy
for a week. I have to pay her!

If I don't, she'll send
it to everyone in class.

What is she sending?

We took silly pictures at Lara's,
and now Frøya is blackmailing me.

She'll send it to everyone in
class if I don't pay by Wednesday.

It's so embarrassing, but
please don't yell at me, Mom.

You've said a thousand
times not to take nudes.

But that's not what they
were. It was just for fun.

We were just playing around, and now
the whole class will see my butt.

I'll have to kill myself or
move to the Steiner School.

No.

Sweetheart.

I'll take that worry.
I'm taking it. It's mine.

I'll fix this.

Okay? No one will see your butt.

And I'll give you 1,000 kroner,
but you'll buy something you want.

And you're never going
to kill yourself. Okay?

And maybe more importantly,

you're never going to
the Steiner School.

Or I'll kill you myself.

There's one more thing. Can
you promise you won't get mad?

I won't get mad.

It was me. I sent the
letter of concern.

Okay.

I'm really sorry.

Sorry.

It's okay.

Okay?

Hey...

It's okay.

Sweetheart. It's okay.

Sweetheart.

Hi, you've reached Yngvar Grotheim
at the Child Welfare Services.

Leave a message after the beep.

Hi Yngvar, it's Pørni.

That letter of concern... It
was my daughter who sent it.

I suggest that we talk tomorrow.

Bye.

Dad?

That weed you had for knees and
moods... Do you have any more?

- Is that a good idea?
- Bring it on.

I forgot this makes
you so thirsty.

I won't lecture you
on how to be a mother,

but shouldn't there be
consequences for Sigrid?

No, I have a principle.

I can freak out
about little things,

but if they really screw
up, I'll be there for them.

What a shitty principle!

And that doesn't help one bit!

Let the frustration out, or
it will build up in the body.

You know, no man wants
a ticking time bomb.

That's fine, because I'm
not interested in any men.

Don't you think I can tell
when you've met a man you like?

Dad...

Can you make dinner on Tuesday?
I have to pick up the girls.

Of course I can, but
what's up with that guy?

Nothing. I dumped him.

Besides, he met someone with
pearl-shell buttons on her cardigan

and pearl earrings.

- Yeah, they're the worst.
- The worst.

He's a lot younger than
me and has two small kids.

He'd last for two years
before he ended it.

Optimistic, as always.

Maybe when I'm sure
Leo won't fall apart

and Sigrid is off to high
school. Then I can meet someone.

You're waiting for menopause.
Interesting choice.

Dad?

Can't you please just help
me get through this week?

Letter of concern, confirmation
with the Pentecostals on Saturday

and the "Of Course It Hurts when
Buds Break" concert on Sunday.

Of course I can.

You know what I think?

I think you're my
best girlfriend.

That's a huge compliment.

Hey, be careful now.

- Pørni...
- I'm in complete control.

Hi!

Are you Rim?

Gosh. Hi.

It's so nice to meet you. Hi.

Don't stay out late. You
have school tomorrow, right?

- Sure.
- You're so cute.

- You're lovely.
- No fuss.

Sorry. I'm not going to make a fuss.
You should come for dinner someday.

I'd love to.

She's really cute.

That's Pørni.

She's very nice.

She is.

- Should we go?
- Yes.

We won't be pursuing
this notice any further.

Of course not.

But let me give you some
advice as a colleague.

I'd put some effort into figuring
out why Sigrid went as far

as sending in a false
letter of concern.

We're talking about a child

who feels she hasn't
been seen lately.

But I feel I have a good
grasp on the parental role.

I just miss certain things,
like everybody else.

Especially after my sister died.

But I feel I can be very
clear when it's needed.

Hi.

Hi, girls.

Mommy, can you please wait in
the car, like a normal person?

- Have you started calling her Mommy?
- Absolutely not. It's just this week.

I just wanted to see the locker
rooms that the parents have financed.

Where's Frøya?

She's just being slow
in the shower, as usual.

Okay. You can go
wait in the car.

There are smoothies
in the usual place.

Hi, Frøya.

- Hi. I'll be there soon.
- Okay.

Sorry for being slow.

I just have to be thorough
with the conditioner,

since my hair is so thick.

That's okay. Thick hair is nice.

Frøya, I wanted to ask you something.
Does Sigrid owe you 1,000 kroner?

Oh, no, she doesn't owe me.

She wants to buy my
old Michael Kors bag.

It costs 5,000, so I said
she could have it for 1,000.

Right. But if I have a picture of
you in the shower here on my phone,

would that be worth 1,000
kroner? Or more like 10,000?

Did you take a picture
of me in the shower?

You're going to
give me your phone,

and we're going to delete
the picture of Sigrid.

Then we'll delete the
picture I have of you.

But I just have to say that
what you've done is not okay.

You're a nasty girl.

You can't speak to me like
that. My mom's a lawyer.

Really? Then she knows what
you've done is highly illegal.

Give me your phone,

or the picture won't
just go to your class,

but to the whole grade and
all the schools in Oslo.

- What's your code?
- One, two, three, four.

You should change that.

What were you thinking?

I wasn't going to send it.

- Are there any more than these?
- No.

There.

Aren't you going to
delete the picture of me?

Are you crazy?

Do you really think I took a picture
of you in the shower? I'm not insane.

We're done with this
now. Okay, Frøya?

I'll drive you home. Okay?

I got a smoothie for you, too.

From Municipal-Bjørnar:

You said things wouldn't get
weird, but they did, didn't they?

I don't like it, but I like you.

I love you!

I love y.

No!

No, no, no!

No!

No, no, no, sorry! That
was meant for Sigrid!!!

Shit.