Celebs Go Dating (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Episode #1.2 - full transcript

- This summer,
these famous dating disasters

are looking for love.

Joey Essex.

- I really wanna meet a soul
and that's why I'm here.

- Stephanie Pratt.

- I don't want guys to think

that if they date me I'm
gonna to bring them on TV

and they'll be famous.

- Paisley Billings.

- I've never been in
love so I need the agents

to find me someone who
I can be myself with



and learn to love.

- Tyger Drew-Honey.

- My parents worked in the porn
industry.

What difference does that make?

- And Charlotte Crosby.

- I want unicorns, I want
butterflies,

I want fairytale love.

- They've signed up to E4s

Celebrity Dating Agency to find
the one.

- How many inches are you?

- But in their
search for a soulmate,

these celebs aren't dating
famous people.

- Just don't seem to work.

- They're dating you.



- Oh my fucking God!

- Everyone stop panicking.

- Do you have a lot of sex?

- They've got three weeks--

- Hi!

- To meet and greet.

- Hey guys.

- Wine and dine.

Kiss or diss.

- It was disgusting.

- As many dates as possible.

- It was just awful.

- Before they must choose--

- Who's had chlamydia?

- Their perfect plus one.

Tonight, who will make the
grade?

And who will get the chop.

- I actually got
circumcised three weeks ago.

- As our celebs--

- Burped quite a lot.

- Go--

- Obviously I'm not gonna
tell him I need a poo, am I?

- Dating.

- Yeah you're gonna fuck
a robot today, Tyger.

- Welcome to the
Celebrity Dating Agency.

Yesterday our celebs met
up with some single normals

and each asked one out for the
first time

at the dating agency mixer,
and it was well awkward.

- Hiya, hi, hi!

- Dancer Corrie answered

dating virgin Paisley's mating
call.

- Hey!

- Steph had
her pick of the bunch

and despite his shocking lines.

- It's not Christmas but Christmas
came early for me anyway.

- She asked out Ellis.

Tyger brought his best chat.

- Do you ever watch
Grand Designs?

- Surprisingly
Somto still said yes.

Joey asked out Flo and
is now on a date with her

but there's been a slight
hiccup.

- She's a keeper.

- Shall we get first aid?

- And we last
saw party girl Charlotte

deciding if she would stay sober

or have daiquiris with Danny.

- What you looking for,
drinks, you want a round?

- I was told by the agency
I'm too dependent on alcohol.

- Are we on a date with the
agency or on a date, me and you?

- What do I do?

I know I had a couple of
drinks to steady me nerves

at the beginning but
now I feel comfortable.

Do I stick with what the
agency said and just not drink?

- If you want a drink, come
drink.

I'm paying anyway so it's cool.

- You're paying?

- Yeah of course, I'm a
gentleman, always pays first.

- Damn, wish I'd ordered a
steak.

What can I say?

The man has offered to pay
which is a massive turn-on.

How can I not accept?

- Over in
Essex, Joey's date with Flo

started well enough.

- Coming on this date was a
really, really scary thing

for me but Flo's really
cute and she's really nice.

I'm glad that I chose Flo at the
mixer.

- But then the wind changed.

Let's recap on one of the
most mental celebrity dates

you'll ever see.

- Right, look.

- This is savage.

Wait.

- My God, you all right?

- I swear that lemon.

- Do you want me to pat you
back?

Are you all right?

- I'm just a bit gassy.

- She actually just burped,
that's filth.

She burps like a trucker.

That was proper naughty.

- You've like...

I'm so sorry.

- Why don't you, shall we get
first aid?

I aint got anything against
burping, like everyone burps.

It's not a problem, it's
cool but any thoughts

of me kissing Flo have just
flown straight out the window.

I've never been on a date
before, is this normal?

- No.

- Gutted.

My money was on Charlotte
burping first, right,

let's see how she's getting on.

- When we're doing shots,
from where I'm from,

you've got to make a toast.

- Do ya?

- It was mega meeting you
properly

and getting to know you a lot
more.

- What, now?

- Yeah, yeah, like the true you.

And I'm definitely looking
forward to a second date, yeah?

Chink.

That's fit.

- Did you like it?

- I loved it, it was
almost as surprisingly nice

as you are today.

- I can't believe the difference
in Danny

from the first time I saw him
and today.

At the mixer he was like Benny
Big Balls

but today, he's like Benjamin Be
Nice.

I think I prefer Benjamin,
he's such a sweetheart.

- Tyger's on
his way to the agency

in an outfit that screams
I'm off the telly.

He's full of hope for his date
with jewellery seller, Somto.

- Hi, it's Tyger.

- Oh Tyger, how was it?
- Oh that thing's cool.

- What is it?

- I like it, your pen.

- Oh!

- I was really nervous
at the mixer yesterday.

Walking into that room
full of women was like

walking into the lions' den.

I just hope I did the agents
proud really.

- Oh, he's a nice bloke aint he?

But for a Tyger, bit of a pussy.

- Which girls caught your eye?

- The two main girls that caught
my eye

were Marlene and Somto.

I think Marlene was probably
the best looking girl

in the room.

- Right.

- But then, on, later
inspection,

it didn't quite all add up.

- And talk us through Somto.

- I'm looking forward to the
date with her, she's funny,

intelligent, I find her
very sexually attractive.

I am excited.

- Any chat-up lines you're going
to use

or anything, have you
got anything sort of--

- You've got something on your
face.

- Can't see it.

- What have I got on my face?

- It's just my eyes, that's it.

- OK.

- It's my eyes.

- Oh, are you doing a chat-up
line?

- Yeah, it was shit.

- Oh my God, I
totally didn't get it.

- I know.

- I'm so sorry, I just, you
know.

- Oh Tyger!

- Next up at the agency is
Steph.

Having not dated for eight
months, she wants some tips

before her date with yoga
teacher, Ellis.

- So thrilled about Ellis.

- Oh, my God.

- I'm so thrilled.
- He's so cute.

- He's so cute and he really
adored you.

- The first person, literally,

I hadn't even like got across
the room.

- I know.

- And he's like, hi!

What's your last name?

- Partridge like in a pear tree.

- I mean how easy is this?

So that was--

- You look surprisingly fresh.

- Like my hair stylist
was like, you met someone,

and I was like, what?

I had no make-up on, she
was like you're glowing,

you've met someone.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- So, last night?

- You did so well, were
you nervous though?

- I was dying.

Ever since you guys entered my
life,

now I'm a nervous wreck.

- Because you default back
to your asshole picking

and we're bringing you
out of that and that's--

- You're right because I want
someone that doesn't care

and that's an asshole.

- And now somebody's gonna show
you a bit of kind of respect

and thoughtfulness in your life.

- And you'll like dress up.

- All the things
you said you wanted

and now you're fearful of it.

- Light bulb, ping!

- I usually go for gay guys and
bad boys

so hopefully this process is
working.

Ellis was super cute, I
mean, he's a bit cheesy

and he's such a little baby,
he's 21.

But yeah, I'm finally getting
out of my comfort zone.

- But are you excited?

- Beyond.

- Really?

- Yeah.

If I end up having a kiss with
Ellis--

- Yeah.

- That means it's gone really
well.

- Oh!

- Back to shrinking
violet Charlotte Crosby

who brings up the classic first
date conversation starter.

- Anal bleaching.

- Who's bleaching their anus?

- What?

- There has been times when we
have went for an anal bleach.

- Oh right, so you quite like,

what's it called now, colonic
irrigation?

- No, just where you
turn your bum hole white

instead of brown.

- Right, I don't really get, I
genuinely

don't get that, like what?

- Right OK, well let's move on.

- Yeah, yeah cool.

- What's the
worst thing you've done

when you've been drunk?

- Anal bleaching.

You should see mine, glistening!

- Definitely pissed where all
the shoes are in my house.

- What?

When I've been very drunk,
I have a couple of times

wee'd the bed.

- Yeah, she went there.

- No one's perfect, I'll say
that.

- So how would you feel if--

- I woke up in your
piss, you asking me that?

I'd be doing back flips I think,

I'd be--
- You'd be happy?

- Yeah, I'd be amazed,
yeah, of course I would be.

- I'd love to see his internet

search history, dirty boy.

- What the hell, I've
found someone who's happy

to wake up in me piss.

I think this could be love.

- As long as it's not like every
night.

- Never every night,
once every other night.

- Yeah, you don't
wanna sleep in your piss

all the time, just special
occasions.

Back in Essex, Joey's date Flo

is tryna style out burping
in the celebrity's face.

- Thanks very much

- You cut the mushroom?

- Yeah.

- Oh!

- How cute is that?

- Yeah it is.

- Oh yeah, after
letting a whole load of gas out.

- Yeah, that's true.

- Oh shit!

- It seems Flo is now struggling

to get the food in.

- You just dropped
something else down you.

- Shit, yeah, I really have.

- Like what is with this girl?

She's like a walking disaster.

- Do you know what you should do
about it?

- I have made such a mess.

- Wait, I'm not gonna
lie to you, I'm actually

quite a good eater.

I love eating so basically, you
put that

in your mouth like that.

- Like that?
- Yeah slowly, keep going.

- I feel like I'm doing
like 50 Shades of Grey.

- And just pretend this ain't
here, yeah?

Yeah, so that's gone but
you've got one in your lap,

but don't put it down your top.

- I think you've
missed the boat on being

seductive after you burped
in his face, don't you?

Fair enough.

Let's see if the much more
ladylike

Charlotte is doing any better.

- I've obviously had ex
boyfriends.

- Yeah.
- Well just one really.

And he found it really hard
to cope with the fame side

of me lifestyle.

I wanted him to be included in
things

and he didn't wanna be involved.

- Oh, I'd love that, I'd be
there with you like a little

Bessie, like do you know what I
mean?

I'd be in it together
but then at the same time

I'd understand you need
to have your own time,

you need to do your own thing.

- Yeah.

- You should never take
someone's shine off them.

- Having dated someone
before who struggled

with my life being in the
limelight, it's refreshing to hear

that it doesn't put Danny off.

- Strangely not
wooed by Flo's sultry burping.

- All right, thank you very
much.

- Joey decides to get the bill.

- That was nice.

- That was lush.

- Did you enjoy it?

- To me this was crème anglaise.

In terms of dates, it was tenner
on toast,

100 out of 100.

- Shall we make a move?

Do you need to be sick or
anything, or burp before we go?

I don't want you like--

- No, I'll be fine.

- Let's go.

- Hang on, are Joey and Flo

moving on for post-dinner
drinks?

- All right, see you later.

- That's it.

- No, no they're
not, he's buying her off.

- It was something different,
I've never done that before.

- Yeah, I love that.

I was hoping for a kiss,
but I'm not an eager beaver.

Like if it's gonna
happen, it's gonna happen.

- I'm gonna go this way.

- Yeah, I'm gonna walk this way.

- See you later.

- All right, see you later.

- I don't really think I'll see
her again.

I gave a lot of energy in that
chat.

That was, full-on hour and
a half, Joey Essex waffle.

- What happened
Joey, you tipped too much?

- I'm going back to see if
I can find some birds, mate.

- With Joey not kissing Flo,

could Danny find a
millisecond when Charlotte

isn't doing a shot, and plant
one on her?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- Well, I've had a good time.

- I've had an amazing
time, yeah, it's been good.

- Amazing?

- Yeah, I've had an amazing
time, it's been a good laugh.

Three, two, one.

So can I see you again?

- I think so.

- How's the date
been for you, Charlotte?

- I do think I wanna see Danny
again.

Conversation was flowing, I
fancied him, he had good biceps.

- But anyway, I've
had a really nice time.

♪ Show me a better

- Why not kiss him?

- Be nice to get your tongue
in, it was me, definitely.

She was trying to give me a
little peck and I went for it.

♪ Show me a better better love

It happened.

- Perfect.

- He seems like a man
who's got a authoritism,

if that's a word.

He picked up me bag, he
directed us to the door.

That's what I need in
life, some direction.

Was I good?

- Mega, you were good, you're
mega.

Right, how do I get hold of ya?

- You can't, I have to
get hold of you, ha ha!

- The Celebrity Dating
Agency has got three weeks

to find our single starts their
true love.

- Hello, Celebrity Dating
Agency.

- So far, Joey and Charlotte

have been on their first
dates with mixed results.

Joey's date with Flo left a
pretty nasty taste in the mouth.

- Any thought of me kissing Flo

have just flown straight out the
window.

- Whereas
Charlotte's date with Danny

left his tongue in hers.

- Why not kiss him?

- Hoping for
success with their first crack

at the dating scene, Tyger and
Steph are busy getting ready

for their dates.

Back at the agency, dating
virgin Paisley

has arrived to feed back
on yesterday's mixer.

- Hi, it's Paisley.

- Despite her
nerves, Paisley finally managed

to ask Corrie on a date
and got a big fat yes.

- Would you go on a date with
me?

- Yeah, of course.

- Corrie seems like such a nice
guy.

I'm so pleased I chose
him for my first date,

I can't wait to see him again.

- I think we should just
take a minute though

and give her maybe a round
of applause or something

because--
- Oh really!

- You...

You tell me that, how do you
feel?

- I am so proud of
myself, I was real brave.

I was shaking, I was sweating,
I was like oh, my God,

I can't do this, I can't
do this, I can't do this.

- As the night progressed,
I saw your confidence

just lift up and up and up.

- I don't know if you understand
how momentous this is.

You are going on your first ever
date.

- I know.

I'm officially in the dating
game.

I'm so excited, I can't
wait to see him again.

We have done so much, guys, in
two days.

- Yes Paisley,
we'll see your date later on.

In Chelsea, Stephanie
Pratt is getting ready

for her first date with
yoga teacher, Ellis.

Do you down a dog on your first
date?

Anyway, how you feeling, Steph?

- I'm nervous.

I haven't been on a date in
eight months.

I feel like this is my first
date that I've ever had.

I wanna wear this but I
don't think I have a bra

that will go with it.

I'm not sure I wanna be hanging
loose.

That's not a good first
date look, popping out.

I picked Ellis because
he was cute and sweet.

I'm looking forward to it.

I think, I could actually
really end up liking him.

- Oh, there's potential.

Ellis, what do you think of
Steph?

- Out of any celebrity I could
ever date,

I would always choose Steph
Pratt.

She's my ultimate girl crush,
literally.

When I go to sleep at night,
I think of Steph Pratt.

She's always on my mind,
even before this show.

When I watch TV, I'd stay
up late just to watch MIC.

I watch about five times in a
row

just to look at her face and
look at her smile, so yeah.

- Calm down,
mate or this video'll

end up in court.

Over in Surrey, Tyger is also
busy preparing for his date.

Shave, done.

Hair, done.

Make-up?

Come on, mate.

- That should do it.

When I met Somto at the mixer,

I think it's quite obvious
that she's very attractive.

I do fancy her, obviously I
wanna look my best on the date

because it would be nice to
think

that she fancies me as well.

- Aw!

With pre-date nerves building,
Tyger looks to the one man

in his life who definitely knows

how to make an impression on a
lady.

- Hello, mate.

- Hi Dad, you all right?

- I'm fine, how are you?

- I'm good.

- His famous
porn star dad, Bendover.

I don't think it's his real
name.

- Looking smart.

- Thanks.

- Well, good luck, hope
you have a wonderful time.

I can't offer you any advice

cause I haven't been
on a date for 35 years.

- Thanks, Dad.

- Did you iron that shirt?

- I think me and my dad
do have pretty similar

fashion sense, he always looks
really nice, he always wears

really nice clothes and
he looks after himself.

And I like to think that I
wear nice clothes as well.

- Yeah you look good, yeah,
it's gonna look amazing.

- All right thanks, Dad.

- Good luck.

- Armed with
the wise words of his dad,

and 900 condoms, Tyger sets off

for his first date with Somto.

- I do get nervous going on
first dates.

I do think first
impressions are everything.

- Back at the
agency, Eden and Nadia

have the feedback from
Charlotte's first date with Danny.

Every time our celebs complete a
date,

they send Eden and Nadia
their honest feedback

and rate their date out of 10.

It's like Come Dine With
Me without the cash prize.

- So we've got Danny's feedback
form.

How would you rate your date out
of 10?

He's put a strong nine.

All good, well, let's see if
Charlotte thinks the same.

- Let's see if it's reflected.

- Yeah, all right well, let's
call her.

- With Danny's
excellent feedback,

Nadia and Eden FaceTime
Charlotte to hear about the date

and plan the next one with
Danny.

- Hi!

- Hello.

- Hey, you all right?

- How are yous?

- Good, how are you?

- I'm OK, I'm good.

- How did it go last night?

- We had a nice time, we
had a laugh, I kissed him.

- What!
- Oh, hello!

- I kissed him with tongues.

- You said, you swore
there'd be no tongues.

- I don't know why they're
so shocked that I kissed him.

I'm sure Nadia would have did
the same, she's just jealous.

I know, I know, it didn't
seem like that much

of a big thing at the time

but then afterwards I was kind
of like oh,

I wish I didn't do that
but, I mean it was a date.

- Yeah, how nervous were you on
the date?

- So nervous at the beginning.

I had to make friends with the
bartender.

He helped us settle me nerves.

- How?

- He did give us a shot.

- Just, I mean just the
worst, how many shots?

- Like maybe there were three
shots.

- Oh, my God!

But you, I thought, didn't you
say

you were not going to drink?

- Yeah, but I also said
I wasn't gonna to kiss

so I might as well have
broken all the rules

while I was there.

- Do you wanna see Danny again?

- Right now, I don't know
but if the three shots,

I definitely wouldn't have
kissed him if I hadn't have had

the three shots.

- Right.

- But I'm just not
massively excited by him.

- It's lucky for you we
have got plenty more fish

in the sea.

- Nadia's right, there's plenty
more fish

in the sea and hopefully some
seamen.

- Oh Charlotte,
you're like a one woman hen do.

Over in Chelsea, 30-year-old
cougar, I mean Stephanie,

has chosen the comfort of her
local boozer

to go out of her comfort zone on
a date

with 21-year-old toy boy Ellis.

I'm pretty sure she
didn't call it a boozer.

- This is my house,

I told my mum I was doing this
video

and she's like, I'm gonna
clean the whole house

just in case she sees it's
dirty.

She's shy, say something.

Just say hi, just say hi, Mum.

Say hi.

Say hi, wave.

- No!

Right, Ellis, Ellis!

- What?

- Seriously.

- Oh shit, I'm grounded.

No, I'm not grounded, I'm 21.

- Hello.

- Hello.

- How are you?
- Amazing, thank you.

- He's pretty fit, mm-hmm,
I picked a good one.

- God, I drank way too much at
the mixer.

I'm so surprised that
you chose me, literally.

Like I said like you're
just my type on paper

so I don't really know you yet.

You might be a bit of, not sure
yet,

seem all right so far.

- I like his cheeky, goofy
sides, it's really helping

to calm down my nerves cause
I can just laugh at him.

Oh, my God, do you know
what the worst thing is?

So early this morning--

- Tiny bit of kale, right there.

- Thank you so much.

- Yeah, probably get it out

a bit later.
- I hate when people

don't tell me that.

It's such a great thing for you.

I mean, it seems to be going
really well.

He's fun, there's no awkward
silences, he's making me laugh.

- What do you do
in like your free time?

- I know haven't been on
a date in eight months.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- My God.

I actually got circumcised
three weeks ago.

Yeah.

- Wow, great start.

Hi I'm Ellis, I've just had a
knob op.

- I, how...

- I'm gonna stop drinking from
this straw

cause I feel stupid.

- Um.

What the fuck?

This is just great, Ellis.

- This is great, yeah.

- No, you did not.

- Yeah.

Full estate.

So this is the first
time I've actually worn

tight jeans when I went
to the mixer actually.

so you might have saw me out
walking a bit like a cowboy,

I'm not sure, yeah.

- Well, this couldn't
get more awkward, could it?

- The day after it was
alright but three days later

I was walking down the stairs
like, oh, I kind of like this.

- Oh, yeah it can.

- Well this is kinda nice,
yeah, I could get used to this.

- I mean he says that on a first
date.

I don't wanna envision his
penis.

- It's getting better now,
it's better, completely better.

Yeah, maybe--
- Was it in a cast?

- No, no cast, no.

They dipped it in a cast,
no band aid, nothing,

just 20 stitches that all came
out.

- 20 stitches?

Oh, Ellis.

- Wow!

- Yeah, do you have any
like illnesses or anything

or sort of a bit of a morbid
subject.

- Oh my God.

This is not how I
expected this date to go.

- I've never
wanted a commercial break

to arrive so much in my life.

With only three weeks to
find love, so far our celebs

have had a busy day of dating.

- How are you?

- Good, you?

- Yeah I'm good.

- Charlotte
was left unsure on Danny.

- Do you wanna see Danny again?

- I don't know.

- Joey's date with
Flo has gone with the wind.

- And Steph
who is still on her date

is wishing she wasn't.

- I actually got
circumcised three weeks ago.

- It's fair to say that so far

our stars' love lives haven't
aligned.

- Yeah I'm gonna go this way.

- Yeah, yeah I'm gonna walk this
way.

- See you later.
- All right, see you later.

- Hopefully Tyger
will do better on his date

with 23-year-old jewellery
consultant, Somto.

- Do you come from a religious
family?

- Yeah.

- Are you religious then?

- My parents are like, I was
brought up Roman Catholic.

But I like to call myself
a modern Christian.

- So will it be
a case of opposites attract

for modern Christian Somto
and robot-loving Tyger?

- I picked this restaurant
because one of my friends

told me that it was a very nice
place,

especially for a date.

But then when I walked
in there was literally

no other customers there.

The joint's jumping in here,
isn't it?

It was definitely compromising
the vibe.

Obviously it was quite private

but, made me a little bit
more nervous, I think.

Here you go Tyger, into it
again.

- My name is Somto.

Going to an all girls' boarding
school

was absolutely different.

When I tell guys I'm not gonna
be intimate

for like six months, a
lot of them are literally

are like shut up.

Might as well just literally
wear a belt

on me, I'm just like, chastity,
no action.

- Somto looked incredible when
she turned up for the date.

She is really, really fit.

I do think I'd get on with her
really well

and I do fancy her a lot.

How's your day been, alright?

- No, it's been really good,
thank you, enjoying the sun.

- Yeah, do you have like a nice
garden

to sunbathe in or something?

- Yeah, no, I'm really lucky.
- You're said from Stanmore?

- Yeah, I'm from London.

So, I'm not gonna lie,
I did a bit of research

and I saw a few documentaries.

And the one on porn.

- Oh, they've not
even had their starter yet.

Somto's gone straight for the
main course.

- You obviously know what
my parents do then, so.

- Yeah, to be honest, I only
found out about it really

very recent, so that is
also quite interesting.

- People think that I've
maybe had a bit of a seedy

upbringing but it really
wasn't like that at all.

And also, my parents never sat
me down and was like, Tyger,

we've been doing porn and this
is where all this comes from.

Do you know what I mean?
- Yeah, not going to lie,

I was quite taken aback.

- Well, this is awkward.

- It's very, very different
to like you know my upbringing

and to be quite honest, the
whole--

- There's no, I'm sure
there wasn't any difference

in our upbringing really because

my parents kept sort of...

I feel like I had a
really, I was really lucky

with my upbringing, I think.

- That's good.

- I'll just give you some space

to stare at the menu in silence.

Meanwhile, Ellis's circumcision
bombshell

has ruined Steph's plan
for a first date kiss.

In fact, it's all gone a bit
flaccid.

- OK, next date I'm thinking
like--

- Oh, oh.
- If you'd like to go

on a next date with me?

- No matter how
much you stare at your phone,

Steph, he won't stop talking.

- I think on a hike with a
campfire.

And if it's a clear night, I'll
make sure it's a clear night

and there's stars involved.

If there's no stars,
then there's already one.

Sorry, that was terrible wasn't
it?

- Oh!

My God.

- I think a bit
of vomit just come up there.

Any chance of a second date,
Steph?

- Hello, Celebrity Dating
Agency.

- Nadia and Eden
are waiting in the agency

for Joey to report back
on his date with Flo.

Hold up, he's spotted something.

- Sick.

- He should
just go out with himself.

- I'm back.

- Yes.
- Mr. Essex.

- What are you saying, man?

- How are you doing?
- How are you?

- Good.

- So what's up, so yeah.

- Start from the very, the
beginning, tell us all.

- I can't explain it,
she burped quite a lot.

But that wasn't a problem but
that, is that meant to happen

in a date?

- No.

- No.
- What did you do?

- I sort of just got up and
patted her back a little bit

and then she burped a little bit
more

and she was just going.

- So you winded your date?

- Yeah.

She scared me a little bit.

- Why do you think she was
doing that and not being

on her best behaviour?

- Maybe she thought right,
Joey Essex is really immature.

So maybe if I act immature,
he might really like me.

- Were you attracted to her
looks?

- I don't really think she's my
type.

I thought Flo was pretty
but being attractive

ain't it all.

- And what happened after the
date?

- Yeah, I think she tried
to slightly kiss my neck.

It was nice.

When she weren't looking, I
just blurted back to Sugar Hut,

bang, straight back in
there, and just tried to find

some more birds.

- What?

- Yeah.

What else am I gonna do, I'm
in Brentwood high street.

I ain't gonna get a train
home, I might as well chill out

there for a bit innit?

- Yeah great plan, Joey,

go back to the same place
you go to every weekend

to find a new bird.

So, Joey isn't into Flo but
what does she think of him?

- We got a little bit of,
kind of feedback from Flo.

She gave you nine.

- Aw.

- And she wants to see you
again.

- Feel bad that she said that
she wants to see me again,

wants to go on a date with
me, but I didn't really

fancy her in the end,
it's just gone, spark.

I wanna experience a little
bit more, maybe another two

or three girls, maybe three.

I've come to meet you guys
to do this, to experiment

what it's like to date girls
and this is what I'm doing.

I mean, it's got me back in
the dating game, so I'm happy,

I can move on now and find a
soul.

- Whilst Joey
sets his sights on date two,

Tyger's still reeling
from Somto's reaction

to his parents' porny past.

Still, at least she doesn't
know about the robot shagging.

- When I was doing my little
recon--

- Oh bollocks!

- A really good family friend of
mine,

she came across one of your
documentaries

and it was about robots.

I think you can see where I'm,
leading to.

- Yep, I see.

That was a really fun job
actually.

I have had sex with a robot,
I guess that could put

some girls off.

- How did that come about?

- Well personally, I didn't come
about.

And you could hear it moving

and it was really, really weird.

It was also weird having a
camera crew

filming having sex with a robot.

And I really did try
hard to get to that point

but I couldn't and I think
it's probably a good thing

that I didn't because
otherwise that moment

would be in some archive
somewhere for ever.

I didn't necessarily enjoy that
experience

but I love the fact that I have
a job where sometimes yeah,

you're going to fuck a robot
today, Tyger.

- Oh, my God.

- I think Somto was taken
aback by the documentaries

I've made but sex is a very
natural thing.

It's all a form of entertainment
and so, I was actually

taken aback by how taken aback
she was.

- And everyone
at home was taken aback

that I'm taken aback about
how aback you're taken

that she was taken aback from
you taking

aback her taking aback.

But I will be back in a second.

- Alrighty.

That's really nice.

- Back at Steph's
date, it's a question

of who has paid in Chelsea.

- Here's the bill.

- Let me get it, I'm fine.

I think cash is quicker though.

- It's not, I always
offer because it's polite

but don't let me.

- Next time.
- Oh, God!

- I'll get the next one.

Never had a girl pay--
- Please don't get decline.

for me on a date before.

- I hope it does.

- Thank you very much.

- That would be the most
embarrassing thing ever.

- I've never been paid
for on a date in my life.

Steph paid for the bill and
I was quite uncomfortable

but it was sweet of her.

That's a first.

- That's the first time
I've ever paid for a guy.

I'm kidding.
- Shut up, shut up.

All right, cool, I'll walk you
out.

10 out of 10 date, one of the
best dates

I've been on, best conversation.

It was really nice, flowed
really well.

- I was all for trying
something new with dating Ellis

but circumcision chat, paying
the bill, he's 21, no thanks.

- Safe walk.

- Thank you.

- See you later, namaste.

- Namaste, mate, namaste.

Oh Ellis, after your revelation,

I thought you'd at least left
the tip.

Just down the road, Tyger
is still waiting for Somto

to come back from the loo.

I'm surprised he hasn't
gone himself to get it on

with the hand dryer.

- How was that for you?

- Yeah it was great, thanks for
asking.

- It's all right.

- Yeah, amazing.

Why do you think you're single?

- This is basically the
longest time I've been single

which is about four months
and I haven't really been

on many dates at all really.

I'd rather have a long
relationship

than a short relationship,
definitely,

but the longer a relationship
is, I find it the sadder

when it comes to an end.

- Yeah.

- I get scared of getting sad.

- I don't jump into anything
with anyone,

it gets just very, I take my
time, get to know someone first

six months down the line, then
I'm happy.

- Fair enough.

Six months?

Six?

Are you finished, by the way?

- Yeah no I'm good, I'm
literally just playing with it.

- Are you gonna get a dessert?

- No I think I'm pretty jive.

- I'll get the bill then.

- Oh, yeah.

- OK.

It's a bit of pet hate
of mine when waiters

aren't looking like, you know
what I mean?

Like you try and give them
the eye and you're like.

- And then you never
want to do the finger.

The finger's the worst,
it's the dad finger.

- Yeah.

- Did she
just say the dad finger

to Bendover's son?

- Have you got the bill, mate?

- And you?

- If I could, I'm joking,

I don't think you should, don't
worry.

- Oh, OK.

- But thank you for offering, I
like that.

I really enjoyed the
evening but I just learnt

over the course of the date

that I don't think we're
right for each other.

- No second date then.

What memories will Somto take
from a date with a celeb?

- I still can't get
over the fact that Tyger

had sexual intercourse with
a robot, that's something.

- After a
day of dating disasters,

our celebs have a long way
to go before they find love.

Three weeks to be precise.

We've just seen Steph
experience the biggest

first date overshare ever.

- I actually got
circumcised three weeks ago.

- Yeah, Ellis
really did say that.

And Tyger appeared more
interested in the food

than a date with Somto.

The agents waste no time in
getting the gossip from Tyger.

- Hello!

- We're just keen to know
how it went with Somto.

- Well, I want to clarify
this, it's not that I was just

desperate to have sex with her,
but--

- But?

- She's got this like rule
where she waits six months

before she sleeps with someone.

I don't think she's someone
that I would probably work

in a relationship with.

- Yeah, we're not, we're
not here to find you lots

of new friends.

We're here to find you
hopefully a girlfriend.

- Onwards and upwards,
and I'm looking forward

to see what the agents have for
me next.

- With Tyger back on the market,

looking for a new mate,

let's hope Paisley has better
lucky on her very first date.

She's at home with mum
getting ready and briefed

for her big night.

- I'm a complete amateur at
dating.

I don't know how any of this
works.

I just hope it goes well because
if it doesn't, I feel like

I'm gonna be put off dating for
life.

Mum, I'm feeling a little bit
nervous.

- Does it feel like butterflies?

- No, it just feels like
I need to poo a bit.

- Oh God, train's coming.

- Yeah.

- Baby, you're not gonna
need to tell him that.

- Yeah well, obviously
I'm not going to tell

him I need a poo, am I?

I'm just saying to you
cause you're my mum.

- What's he like?

- He's cool, he's a dancer
from West London, I think.

- Corrie was really lovely at
the mixer,

I really fancy him and I
can't wait to see him again.

He's a proper cutey.

I might have to put gloss
over it though, I don't know

if I want to be matte
because then I feel like

my lips are dry.

- Well, I'm sure he'll
try and moisten your lips.

- Oh, my God.

My mum is the worst.

- Kiss, kiss.

- She's not mumsy at
all, she's real playful.

Right, so ask me some date
questions.

- So, what sort of like
area did you grow up in?

- South London, that's
just a given, though.

That's not a normal, and was
that voice?

Was that you trying to
be like a young man?

- Well, I've got testosterone.

- Mum, what are you on about?

This is not helping.

This whole role play thing is
not working.

- Just be yourself.

Everybody loves you so just be
you.

You want them to get to know
you.

- Well, this just got real
deep real quick but yes,

I will be me.

- Good.

- This is the dating scene here

and I'm over there somewhere,

I've got no idea what I'm doing.

First ever date.

That is some shit, that is
serious.

- Very serious.

Where Paisley may be full of
nerves,

Steph's a woman on a mission
as she heads to the agency

to give her feedback
on her date with Ellis.

- Hey.

- Hello.

How's things?

- Good.

- Yeah?

- I have to deliver the
news to Nadia and Eden,

and I'm not gonna hold back.

I don't wanna go on another date
with him.

- OK.

- You don't have to.

- There were lots of red flags.

I'm a lazy dater, if it
didn't work in the beginning,

I'm not gonna spend time
trying to fix it, next!

- What was the main one do you
think?

- He got circumcised three weeks
ago.

- Ah!

- And then I paid for the date.

- Oh, OK,

- Can I just point out one
thing?

You chose him, honey, so we
didn't choose him for you.

You chose this date.
- Good point,

you can't pick them so
we'll pick them for you.

- OK, I admit it, I chose the
wrong guy.

Nadia and Eden need to
bring me someone better

because I can't do it for
myself.

- So Steph's
given Ellis the chop.

Sorry couldn't resist it.

That means not one celeb
is going on a second date.

Paisley, it's down to you to
restore our faith in true love.

So there's no pressure at
all on your first ever date

with someone of the opposite
sex.

- I was so fucking nervous,
I'm stood here waiting around.

Imagine if he doesn't
show up, I would die.

I was so happy to see
Corrie when he arrived.

He looked great.

- Why do you wanna date a
celebrity?

- Just 'cause I always
usually go for plain Janes

and I always just like to assume

that people that live the fast
life

aren't really down to earth
and I want to kind of break

that stereotype if you know what
I mean.

- OK.

- See what's different on the
other side.

- Corrie!

- How are you, darling?

- I'm good, how are you?

Yeah, I'm good.

- Love what you're wearing.

- Thank you.

- Love it.

This is strange, I never
knew this was up here.

- Neither did I and I don't
know how to like do golf so--

- I'm terrible, I'm actually
terrible.

- Is this what we need, two
sticks?

- Yeah, two sticks and
two balls.

- I was just gonna kick it.

- I've chosen an activity
because it'll be fun

and it'll break the ice, golf.

I've never actually played golf
though.

- Oh!

- You're coming, hole in four!

- I'm sorry.

- It's so much fun and
we are laughing loads.

I hope this is a good sign.

Yours is nine but five,
six, seven, eight, nine, 10.

OK right, so that means
that you've fucking won

by like one point.

- Did I win by one point?
- Whatever, whatever,

where do I even put this?

I wanna throw it somewhere, I've
lost.

- It's all right.

- Sod this, I'm out, you beat
me.

- Things are going all right.

So it's time for a drink in the
19th hole

and to get to know each
other a bit better.

- I think we're going over here.

- That's if Paisley
remembers how to sit down.

- I don't know how to sit in
these.

- What do you mean, you don't
know how to sit in these?

- I feel like
where, where's the,

it's just, like look.

- Put your drink down in
case you just fly over.

- Right, you have to sit down
first

and show me how it's done like.

- Simples.

- I'm so bloody nervous I
don't even know how to sit

in this fucking deckchair.

- You have to look that
way when I sit down

'cause I feel like I'm gonna...

- Here you are.
- OK yeah, it's cool.

I'm so confident around men
until I realise I fancy 'em

and then I get all like,
and I forget how to be.

Yeah so.

- Well I'm gonna...

- Oh God,
if one of you don't say

something soon, I will.

- So like, let me just be
forward a bit.

So why did you pick me?

- Wasn't hard was it?

- OK.

- This isn't to
make my head swell, just--

- OK right, so you were the
person

that I felt most comfortable
around, I was like yeah,

I can actually hang out with
this guy like he's cool.

everyone else I was a little bit
like...

- 'Cause generally for
me, from my point of view

when you asked me, you was
like, oh could I ask a question?

And I was like, OK, turned
around and I was like.

I did not expect that to
come out of your mouth,

I thought you were just--
- I thought you were gonna

say no, like, oh my God,

I just literally--
- I would never,

honestly, you're a sweetheart.

Like you're blessing me with
your time.

- We're both sat here chatting
away,

getting to know each other,
I think it's going well.

I think I like him.

- Tell me something about your
upbringing,

childhood memories.
- My upbringing.

My mum is cool as fuck.

- I like to go out with my
mum, nights out with my mum.

- You go out with your mum?

- Yeah, like go Out.

- Like out, out?

- Like out on the town,
go clubbing like a lot.

- You serious?

- Yeah.

- As soon as he started
talking about that, I was like,

OK, yeah cool.

- I'd definitely like
to chat with you again,

and like do something like this
again

'cause like it would be cool.

You enjoyed the evening?

- Yeah, it's been cool.

- So you actually
enjoyed the evening?

- Yeah.
- Now you're not just

saying that, are you?

- I have, genuinely I have.

I do like him, he's really
cool, he made me laugh

a couple of times, yeah, it was
good.

So I'd definitely see him again.

Can I have a high five?

- You're
definitely not the person--

- That was successful, ain't it?

- Very, very, very and not
awkward at all.

She's a lovely girl, I get
along, it was very friendly,

very warm-hearted.

- Right, are we going this way?

Are you going that way, right?

- I'll go this way, come.

- I am so glad that I chose
Corrie.

Yeah, I feel like I kind
of didn't want it to end,

we just had so much to talk
about.

- Oh, so that's
her first date done.

And it looks like Paisley's
nailed it,

roll on date two.

- Hello.

- Hi Nadia, it's Paisley.

- Paisley!

- Yeah, right, so I've just
been on my date with Corrie.

- Oh my God, how did it go?

- Babe, we couldn't stop
talking.

- Yay!

- Like that's a good thing,
right?

- Oh my God, that's the best
thing.

- I feel like a big girl now,
I've been on my first date.

- You are, you are.

- Thanks babe, bye.

- Bye hun, bye.

- She's so proud of me, ooh!

Ain't that cool, yeah, I'm well
happy.

- There just wasn't that
romantic spark

do you know what I mean?

Everything else was great,
conversation was flowing,

we had a lot in common but
there was just not that level

of intimacy there, yeah.

Sadly to say I feel like me and
her would just be better off

as like friends, like really
good friends.

- Tomorrow night,
who will set the world alight?

- Ding, ding, ding!

- And who will be left in tears?

- Don't!

- I feel so stupid crying
over this bullshit.

- And while she can't
handle it, she's gonna quit.