Z Nation (2014–…): Season 2, Episode 7 - Down the Mississippi - full transcript

Previously on Z Nation...

Made it myself.
I call it the Z-Wacker.

Well, slap my ass
and call me Sally!

If it ain't Sketchy McClain.

She's not Cassandra.
Not anymore.

(SCREAMS)

That didn't sound good.

(SCREAMS)

- MURPHY: Where's Cassandra?
-10K: I mercied her.

I gave her life. And you had
no right to take that away.

('TURKEY IN THE STRAW' PLAYS)



MAN OVER SPEAKER:
My good fellows,

a healthy grille
is a healthy man.

From the air we breathe
to the kisses we impart,

it is our buccal cavity that
separates us from the plants.

It is incumbent upon us,
therefore,

to service its gatekeepers.

(MUSIC STOPS)

Gentlemen. Good day!

My name is Rollie.
This is my colleague, Cornelius.

Gentlemen, when was the last time
you had your teeth cleaned?

Times are never too desperate
for self-improvement.

We accept donations.

Food, water, gas,
bullets, batteries.

We also accept smiles.



Please,
enjoy the seated experience.

ROLLIE: Up you go.

Well, you look like you still
have some large, capable teeth.

That's great news.
How often would you say you floss?

This simple daily ritual can add

years of happiness
and productivity.

(GAS HISSES)

A healthy mouth is...

...a healthy life.

(MACHINERY WHIRRS)

-(ENGINE STARTS)
-('TURKEY IN THE STRAW' PLAYS)

DOC: Well, the Mississippi
sure ain't

as mighty
as it used to be.

We can move faster
on river than on foot.

WARREN: We could take this south
to Memphis and then head west.

Can't we find another one?

No.

- You wanna help us out?
- No, I don't.

By the way, I can't swim.

Whoa. Whoa, easy!
I don't want any trouble.

- What are you doing here?
-lt's my boat.

- Makes sense.
-lt's ours now.

Now, wait a minute. I don't like
this deal. Can we negotiate?

Hey, listen. Listen.
This boat ain't easy to operate.

Plus, I know the river.
The channel patterns.

- I’d make a great asset.
- Forget it. You talk too much.

No, no, no, no, listen.
I can keep quiet.

You won't hear a peep.

Can you take us south
to Memphis?

- Well, hell, yes.
- Let's go.

I'll take you to the Gortner Bridge
just north of the city.

Roadblock on the east side
keeps things pretty quiet.

After that, where you headed?
East, west?

- Shut up.
- Sure thing.

Nothing worse than
a blabbermouth won't shut up.

-(ENGINE DOESN'T START)
-lt's kinda like back in the before.

- I had this brother-in-law...
- Does this thing actually run?

I swear it ran
as soon as yesterday.

-10K, check the motor.
- Oh, thank you, young man.

Yeah, I got a stinger
in my neck.

Lot of weakness
in my upper extremities.

(THEME MUSIC)

SONG: ♪ Have mercy... ♪

(THREE GUNSHOTS)

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh
Have mercy. ♪

Hey, I think I know
those dudes.

- Oh, my God. ls that...
- Sketchy and Skeezy?

- Hey, slow down, man.
- Slowing down.

- Hey, we're not slowing down.
- Yeah.

- For once, I agree with him.
- Aye-aye, sir.

Hey, do what I tell you.
Slow down. Those are my friends.

Is that really necessary?

- Let's check it out.
- Mistake.

Never get off the boat.

Doc! Well, I'll be damned!

Well, if it ain't Tweedledee
and Tweedledumbass.

Oh, man.
You guys' timing is perfect.

- What happened to him?
- He fell in with the wrong crowd.

Hey, kid! You still
shooting out the lights?

- Yeah.
- Great. Help us with this gear, will ya?

You're not bringing that
on board.

Sir, with all due respect,

this is valuable booty,
worth about four weeks of road time.

- You get one.
-(MOANS)

- Alright, we're taking this one.
- The salt and pepper shakers?

- I think they're in this one.
- Now or never, boys.

Just so happens
you caught us on the upswing.

Long-gestating plans
have been percolating

and coming into fruition
all at once.

It's been a pretty good season for us.

Where the hell
did you find all that stuff?

Oh, yeah,
we stayed in Memphis for a bit.

Happened by a little bitty place.
Maybe you've heard of it.

Former home of the King.

(LAUGHS) You looted Graceland?

We cleaned the place out!

We had a couple of truckloads
of authentic Elvis swag

until we ran into
a little bit of trouble.

And if you were
all the way in Memphis,

how is it
that you ended up here?

Oh, 'cause we took a river trail
up north in Nebraska,

until we ran into some angry Albanians
who did not like us.

Skeezy here
damn near lost a leg.

- What happened?
- They were gonna chop off my leg.

- Damn! -It was nothing a little bit
of discourse couldn't mend.

We're all just animals,
looking for a connection.

Oh, and plus, we got 'em
with 'The Murphy'. (LAUGHS)

- Excuse me?
- Yeah. It's just this thing we do.

It works 'cause of Skeezy's
passing resemblance.

Resemblance? That so?

And what exactly does
The Murphy look like?

Over seven feet tall.

Red eyes.
Teeth like a mountain goat.

He walks around on all fours,

and he can blend into his surroundings
like a chameleon.

Yeah, when we saw him in Louisiana,
he was green as moss.

We saw him again a week later in Texas,
and he looked like dirt.

- You don't say.
- And he's dangerous as all hell.

I saw him turn a man inside out
using his mind.

Literally. Guy's spleen
just hanging out over his waistband.

- SKEEZY: Most people
don't understand. -Oh, I understand.

You two are
a couple of lying morons

who spoiled
a rather pleasant boat ride.

- I resent that.
- I’ve heard enough.

-I'm throwing you both over.
- No,no,no,no.

- Take it easy.
- Come on. Come on, now.

You can't throw us in. Look.

There's zombie jams
downriver, OK?

It'd be like feeding us
to piranhas.

Your stories just get
dumber and dumber.

No, no, no, it's true.
All up and down the Mississippi.

They start in Lake Onalaska
and they drift down.

Boys. You're just digging
a deeper hole.

I swear
on my mother's eyes, Doc.

(LOUD BUMPING)

Zombie jam!

- I told you!
- Nobody ever believes us!

Guess we woke 'em up.

- Zombies on board!
-(ZOMBIES SNARL)

Bail out!

Doc!

Warren!

Where's your buddy?

Curtains. Saw him go down.

He chose to sink
while you and I chose to swim.

You know, they say
that drowning's actually

a pretty good way to go,
which I would hope for him,

even though he's a coward,
for leaving me in the lurch.

- You see my friends?
- They were swimming west.

- You saw this?
- With my own eyes.

What about the blue guy?

- Sunk to the bottom.
- Are you positive?

Oh, yeah -
he's getting turned away

at the Pearly Gates
right about now.

Doc?

Look, man,
I can't be sure, OK?

- Hey, you make fire?
- Yeah.

Well, you and I should
stick together for a bit,

watch each other's backs.

I mean, guys like you
in these parts? Whoo!

You're gonna get taken advantage of.
You know what I mean?

- That's not gonna happen.
- Yeah, I'll make sure it don't.

- What about you?
- I won't touch you.

- Can you make fire?
- Look, don't patronise me.

I'm not playing little games
with you, boy.

-'Cause I am the fire!
-(MAN GROANS)

(GROANS)

(SCREAMS) He's cut in half!

SKETCHY: Oh, dear Lord!

I can't do it.
I can't do it. Mercy him.

Wait, wait, wait!

Give him a Warrior's death.

- Hey! Cut it out! Cut it out!
- Come on! No, do it!

Stop! I fell in a damn hole!

- Oh.
- Get me outta here!

-(GROANS)
- I thought you said he chose...

- Hey, shut up, kid.
- What'd you say?

No, no, no, I said, uh...

...we need to find my best friend
and get out of here.

'Cause there's human traffickers
in these parts.

Oh, that's true, actually.

- Hey, where you going, kid?
- We just got here.

I'm better off on my own.
I need to find my friends.

We're on the east side
of the Mississippi.

As I recall,
your friends were heading west.

If they're alive, and that's a big if,
they ain't heading east.

Then I'll find my way west.

The only way west is south of here,
Gortner Bridge.

Look, kid. You wanna find
your friends, come with us.

We're heading south.

Safety in numbers.
Trust me on that.

Walk life's journey with us,
young man.

Learn the ways of the world
from two gentlemen

who've been there, done that.

Yeah. Besides,
we'll get you laid for sure.

OK, fine.
We'll let you come with us.

You're in charge
of making fires, though.

10K!

10K!

Kid, can you hear us?
Send a smoke signal!

-I'm going across.
- Doc, you won't make it.

- We have to get him.
- No, we don't.

What makes you think
he's on the other side anyways?

That kid's a survivor.
He ain't going out like that.

MURPHY:
Yeah - as romantic as that sounds,

that is not much to go on.

I don't care.
I'm going after him.

East side of the Mississippi
you're talking about.

- Yeah? So?
-l'm heading west. So is he.

- Oh, is that right?
- Doc, you're not going back in there.

What are we gonna do, Warren?
Leave him?

Hey, hey.
We're not gonna leave him.

Look, he probably
just floated downstream. Right?

So let's head south.

We'll find a spot.
We'll camp out.

WARREN: There's only one direction
he could've gone.

We'll stay
on the river's edge.

If he's on the other side,
he'll give us a signal.

What about getting Murphy
to California?

Yeah. What about that?

We'll put in 24 hours
of looking for him.

And then we head west.

SKETCHY: It's like my daddy
always told me.

Never trust an Eskimo
in a windbreaker.

And he would know,
'cause he was in the Merchant Marines.

- You boys lost?
- Certainly not.

- Matter of fact...
- Oh, no?

'Cause either you lost
or you're trespassing.

Which one is it?

I was not aware they had changed
the property lines

since the last time
we came through.

Wasn't no last time,
'cause I woulda recognised you.

- Well, I've been growing my hair out.
- No.

I'm pretty sure
you ain't from here.

- Am I right, Dale?
- Oh, pretty sure not.

- We were just on our...
- Ho!

How 'bout emptying them pockets first?

(SIGHS) Well, caught us
on a slow day, boys.

- Sorry to disappoint.
- Like he said.

- Hey, what's the hurry?
- We got off onto the wrong foot here.

You obviously look like
intelligent men

with an eye towards progress
in future generations.

What if I told you
today's your lucky day?

Oh, I would agree.
Ain't that right, Dale?

- Oh, you right about that.
- You're both right.

'Cause it ain't every day

you come in contact
with a modern miracle.

Your maker's been smiling on you,
because today, I offer you

the most rare and precious
of currencies.

Everlasting life.

What's he talking about?

Uh...well, uh...if you're...
interested, we've got...

- You got a stuttering problem?
- Well, yes, he does.

And he's actually
very self-conscious about it.

- So please.
- Let's just kill 'em.

Then I guess you've never heard
of The Murphy.

Alright, fine.
You don't wanna see him.

Oh, I've heard of The Murphy alright.
Seen him, even.

You've seen The Murphy, huh?
What's he look like?

- Uh, he's a taller fella.
- T-t-taller fella? Really?

Taller fella,
skinny as a bean pole?

Short scraggly hair?

Dark blotches on his skin?

Oh, it's him. I knew it.

- Wait a second.
- That's right. You've got me.

If you're The Murphy,
then let me see you levitate.

Oh, come on.
Who said he could levitate?

- He can!
- Not on an empty stomach.

- That's true?
-l'll tell you what is true.

He can make you immortal.

What's that?

Reset your odometer.
Make you zombie-proof.

Zombie-proof?

Prove it.

As I said, it's no accident
we're through these parts.

We're wanderers, trying to

cure this wretched land
of disease and sin.

One bite at a time.

- What do you mean, 'bite'?
-l'm glad you ask.

You wanna be immortal,
old Murphy here's gotta bite ya.

But...everything comes
at a price.

And it looks like
you got plenty to go around

in that there
wagon of yours.

Maybe not,
but you gotta ask yourself,

how much is eternal life
worth to you?

SKETCHY:
Hold him still, boys!

If he moves too much,
it ain't gonna work.

- Why not?
-'Cause the muscles tense up.

It releases an acid
that counteracts the venom.

- Hold still, Dale!
-l'm trying!

Close your eyes!
Think good thoughts.

Just do it already!
Just do it!

You heard him!

- Ow! Ow!
- SKETCHY: Hold still, Dale!

-(SCREAMS)
- Hold still, Dale!

Hold still! You're halfway
to a life of no worries!

- Hang on, Dale!
- Ride that bull!

- Ride that bull!
- Hang on, Dale!

Oh! Sonofabitch!

That's it!

How do you feel?

I'm cured!

-I'm cured!
-(WHOOPS)

Murphy! You alright?

It takes a little bit out of him every time.
Who's next?

- We sure do appreciate this.
- Fair is fair.

Now, like I said,
you're gonna wanna rest up

for at least 12 hours.

You need to
metabolise that venom.

Uh, now,
can we clean the wound?

Not unless you wanna reverse
the whole process, Dale.

You heard him, Dale.
Don't touch it!

And no physical activity.

You must remain perfectly still
for 48 hours.

(GUNSHOTS)

Did you see that?!

- See what?
- A light.

A light was flashing
way downriver.

You saw a light.
What does that mean?

10K, he signalled us.
Did anybody see it?

- Roberta, you saw it, didn't you?
- No.

Well, how can I be
the only one to see it?

Maybe 'cause
there's nothing to see.

We've gone far enough south.
We head west in the morning.

- Who put you in charge?
- You're losing your head.

Jeopardising the mission.

DOC: What do you know
about the mission?

You're just here
collecting a bounty.

I mean,
who the hell are you anyway?

Why are we
dragging him along?

Let's not get it twisted,
old man.

I'm escorting this prisoner
to California.

I'm not putting him in danger
without a damn good reason.

This is not
one of those reasons.

Yeah, well,
it ain't up to you.

Want to find out
if it is?

Settle down.

Nothing's happening tonight.

And in the morning,
we'll re-evaluate.

- You don't believe me?
- I believe you.

Come on, Doc.
Don't let this take you down, man.

We push on.

We survive.

That's all we can do.

Maybe I'm tired of pushing on.

Hey.

I know.

Get some sleep.

There you have it.

Opportunity presents itself,
just as I suspected.

Telling you, kid.
You must be magic.

There is no end to our good luck
since we met you.

SKETCHY: It's true.
And it runs in my family.

My Uncle Gerald's been
struck by lightning three times.

Keys!

I'm starting
to believe you guys.

(ENGINE STARTS)

(GROWLING AND POUNDING)

MAN: Well, we thought
you mighta run into some trouble.

Just the usual.

Usually, you're right on time.
But don't matter.

Uh, Swenson,
get these old boys a drink.

I don't think we've met.
It's usually the other two.

Oh! Pssh. Those two clowns?
Former employees.

It's the price you pay
for delegating responsibility.

But that's not your problem.

Oh, yeah!
It's hard to find good help.

We apologise on their behalf.

That is not necessary.

So, how'd we do?

- Been better, been worse.
- Well, ain't that the truth?

Uh, you get a drink, son?

Uh,no,no,no,no,no.
Kid's a mute.

Fell on his head as a baby.
But get him something stiff.

Alright. We can get him
something strong.

OK. Hey, one more for the mute!

(SNARLS)

"Pretty good", my ass!

Well, look!
You done outdone yourselves.

Apparently we have.

Oh. I have been a rude host.

I haven't even introduced myself.
My name is Tyler Burr.

This is my town. Burrtown.

- Fitting.
- Yeah.

Mr Burr. Mr Smithson.

This is my associate, Geronimo.
His grandaddy's part Apache.

And this is our old boy
Renfield.

We found him tied to a tree
in Kentucky.

Well! My family came over
on the 'Mayflower', Mr Smithson.

And we enjoyed
a pretty good run of it too.

Until it all went
to hell in a handbasket.

- Damn apocalypse.
- Oh.

I'm talking about
the War of Northern Aggression.

Fortunately,
what we have created here

is a return to the glory,
made with our own hands,

and that is what
this country is built on.

Manufacturing, hmm?

With able-bodied individuals,

transformed by God himself
into builders,

growers, energy creators.

We have electricity,
a working distillery.

And a community
that keeps an eye out on one another.

We do not allow the afflicted to
drag us into the mud. No, sir.

We wrangle 'em, tame 'em
and turn 'em into a workforce.

You're a man of vision, Mr Burr.

Well, it's all about protections,
Mr Smithson.

Without protections,
this world's got no use for ya.

Well, it's as I always say.

You only need one friend,
so long as it's the right friend.

Oh, I've said so myself
many times before.

BURR: You pay the piper,
the piper keeps you safe.

Facilitates
a life of recreation.

You're gonna have to give me
your friend's number.

(LAUGHS)

Any friend of mine
is a friend of his.

So enjoy some moonshine
and some women,

both of which we have
in abundance,

before you get back to your, uh,
recruiting tour.

Appreciate the offer, Mr Burr,
but me and my friends

are on a very tight schedule.

We're gonna stay the night.
Road'll be too dark.

- Oh!
-lt's noon.

- Eventually, it's gonna be dark.
- Well, so true. So true.

My friends,
let's freshen up those drinks.

BURR: Make sure
you treat these boys right.

Oh, sweet Jesus, hallelujah.

Now we can get across
the damn river and find the kid.

Oh, come on -
you really think

you're gonna get this thing
all the way across?

-I'm sure as hell gonna try.
- Doc...

Don't waste your breath, Warren.
I'm going after him.

You do what you gotta do,
but I'm going.

What do you expect us to do?
Wait for you?

- Do whatever you want.
- Then we head west.

Am I the only one that cares
that 10K is out there?!

- Of course not!
- MURPHY: I'm sorry.

I thought there was a mission
that dictated

our each and every action,
and that anything - anything! -

was justifiable
in service of the mission.

We take care of each other.
That's how we got this far.

Without that,
there is no mission!

Tell that to Cassandra, Doc.

Or was she expendable?

- He did what he had to do.
- Bullshit.

He's a child with a gun

who kills anything
he doesn't understand.

And let's not forget.

Each and every one of you
is expendable.

There's only one piece
of precious cargo on this train.

(LAUGHS) Well, brother,
at least we all know where we stand.

Hey. It's not personal.

Doc, are you willing to
throw it all away right here?

Yeah. Yeah, I am.

We'll head south as far as
the Gortner Bridge.

If you're there, we'll regroup.

Otherwise...

...this is it.

Let's go.

I told you! I told you
Elvis was still alive!

Oh, he's alive alright.
And he's kept the weight off too.

Tell him, Renfield.

What's he saying?
What's he saying?

No, no, no, you go.
No, you go. You go. OK. OK.

He's talking about this time

where he did this thing
that happened.

(BURR LAUGHS) Amazing!

I can't even believe it.

It's hard to believe
at this point.

- I got so many questions.
- Alright. Shoot.

- How old is Elvis?
- He doesn't look a day over 60.

-(GUN CLICKS)
- Give me one reason.

I don't need much.
This world will not miss you.

And you may be skinny,
but that wheel

can always use another body -
ain't that right?

You didn't mind
doing the devil's work

so long as it suits you.

Luring all those men
into your truck.

That all sits right with you?

- We didn't kill those men.
- So you can talk now, huh?

We stole that truck.
We didn't know what was in the back.

We had nothing to do with
capturing those zombies.

My friends, they're alright.

- They just like to tell stories.
- That, they do.

I hardly know them, actually.
I was...l was part of a group.

We were transporting
The Murphy to California.

You've met THE Murphy?

Yeah.

- What's he like?
- He's a jerk.

But the rest of them,
they were good people.

We were trying
to save the world.

Where are they now?

Well, we were headed south
on the river.

We hit a zombie jam.
I swam ashore, but...

We were headed
to Gortner Bridge.

If they're alive,
that's where they'll be.

- You think they'll wait for you?
- I know Doc wouldn't leave me.

He'd...he'd think of something.

I had a husband.
Well, second husband, actually.

In this world, that's all you need,
just one other person.

That's reason enough.

He's on that wheel over there.
In purgatory.

I know what it's like to see
somebody you care about and...

...know that they
need mercy, but...

Actually doing it...

Well, this whole town is wicked.

I came here
with two thoughts in my mind -

to release the man I love
and put him in his rightful place

and to watch this town burn.

I wouldn't mind
seeing that too.

Hey, Renfield!
I just found your future ex-wife!

Oh. Hey.
I think it's about time we took off.

- Yeah.
- I need to make a call.

Court is in session.

The Honourable Judge Escorpion
presiding.

These fools
stand accused of grand larceny,

wilful deception and fraud.

In case you were wondering,
I almost broke 80 today.

Not only did you steal
from Mr Burr,

you stole from the Zeros.

And you robbed me of
the greatest golf game of my life.

How do you feel about that?

It's disappointing.

Will you be acting
as your own counsel?

(CLEARS THROAT) Uh...

I will, Your Honour.

- How do each of you plead?
- Guilty.

With an explanation.

Objection.
This man is a liar and a thief.

- Overruled.
- Damn!

Please continue.

(SIGHS)

The path to truth,
it's not a straight line.

It's squiggly.

One man's truth
is another man's fallacy.

And heretofore within -

bear with me here -

I am reminded of

the case of Dred Scott
vs the City of Sacramento.

We all remember that one, right?
I mean, who doesn't?

Or Terry Bradshaw
vs the state of Oklahoma? Hello?

- SKETCHY: Ring a bell?
- Objection!

(FIRES)

Stop interrupting.

(CLEARS THROAT)
See, it's not my job

to educate you
on legal precedents.

That could take all day.

But it is my job to illustrate
just how the accusers

have attempted to defame and slander
myself and my clients

by executing some kind of
fancy flea flicker

on the fine citizens
of this great town.

ONLOOKERS: Yeah!

I don't believe
in the hidden ball trick,

like these guys.

Now, if I'm going up
against an opponent,

I'm going
right down the middle.

He's gonna see me coming,
by God,

because I like
my steak rare!

- Yeah!
- I like my whiskey straight up!

- Hoo!
- I like my cars fast and my women rough!

(ONLOOKERS CHEER)

I'm an American. North American.

- And I don't apologise for that!
- Yeah.

I put my pants on one leg at a time,
thank you very much!

(ALL CHEER)

America!

Hey, check it out.

You get that thing started?

I'll give it a shot.

Hey.

Doc!

I could walk you
all through it again.

The time discrepancy,

the rates of descent,

second shooters,

detonation patterns,

cellular records,

communication towers,

multi-layered encryption,

all of the damn chemtrails
in the sky.

I mean, have you seen that?
What is that? That's what I'm asking.

- Well, those are...
- It doesn't matter!

The point is...

...you're all great people.

You, you're a straight shooter.
You go right from the hip.

You, you're honest-to-goodness.

You, you're tried and true.

You, salt of the earth.

You, drop-dead gorgeous.

What I'm saying here is, people,

I wouldn't try to distract you

with a bunch of random facts
and figures of speech,

'cause you'd smell a fraud
from a mile away.

And I have too much respect
for you.

Oh, people, people, people.

There's nothing to fear
but fear itself.

And in summation,

I'm thinking the words
of the great Clarence Thomas.

If it don't fit,
you must acquit.

Those men
are con artists and thieves!

And he bit me!

That was beautiful.

But you're guilty, bro.

(WHISPERS) Shit.

I wanna do you a favour, though.

Death by hanging.

We've waited long enough!
It's time to go!

Just a minute!

There's not a lot of people
looking out for each other

in this world anymore.

But you always did.

So if 10K's out there,

he knows that.

But we gotta go right now.

And it's not for Murphy.

It's for me.

I need you.

Well, kid, what can I say?

I couldn't get to you.

The river's so full of Zs,
I damn near drowned.

But I hope you know I tried.

You hang tough, buddy.

I'm gonna miss you.

I love you, kid.

Sorry, Doc. But he knew
what he was getting into.

ESCORPION: These men
have been convicted of

some pretty messed-up crimes.

And even though
I like a couple of them,

the law is the law.

Mr Smithson, Mr Geronimo,
Mr Renfield,

you have been found guilty
of grand larceny, identity theft

and just...generally telling
a whole bunch of lies.

Mr Burr, it's all yours.

Dear God.

Please watch over
these poor souls,

whose deviant and wayward paths
have led them

to this unfortunate conclusion.

We can only hope, oh, Lord,

that they don't cause
as much trouble in hell

as they have in this world.

And, God,
please get the word out

that if anybody steals
any of my trucks,

they're in for a long nap.

- Amen!
- Amen.

Let's get this party started.

You have any last words?

Yes! Yes, I have last words.

Um, I don't even
know where to start.

There's so many people to thank.

I grew up in the High Plains.

My daddy was a rancher.

We used to ride bulls,
herd cattle, sip beer

and breathe in
that clean Nebraska air.

I want to thank
my mom and my dad

and my old girlfriend Sally,

who was the first one
to let me put my...

- Enough of that.
-(SOBS) OK.

It's hanging time.

Alright, pull!

(ZOMBIES SNARL)

(ZOMBIES SNARL)

I told them you could survive anything,
you damn cockroach!

- I knew you'd come back for me.
- Damn straight.

- Let's get out of here.
- Let's boogie.

Hey, baby.

(SNARLS)

('TURKEY IN THE STRAW' PLAYS)

Let's move!

10K! Come on! We gotta go!

- Let's go!
- Beat it, kid.

We're not leaving here
empty-handed.

- Come on. Grab my hand.
- Go, man.

- We got this. I'm telling you.
- Seriously, we'll be fine.

What are you talking about?
You guys are goners.

- Are you kidding me?
- Don't you know by now, kid?

We're the two luckiest bastards
you ever met.

They're getting close!

- Thank you.
- For what? We still haven't gotten you laid.

-(BOTH LAUGH)
- For everything else, then.

(ENGINE STARTS)

(FRANTIC SNARLING)

(TYRES SCREECH)

Probably shoulda
ditched the weapons.

Coulda, shoulda.
You know, they got a name for that.

Monday morning quarterback.

Well, if we can't
be self-critical,

there's no room
for self-improvement.

- Who said that?
- I did.

Oh.

- So I've been thinking.
- Not again.

Where to next?

I'm thinking
maybe Australia.

They speak English there.

True. But it's far, though.

Yeah. Yeah, it is.

- You ready?
- Sure.

Why not?

(BOTH LAUGH)

(WHOOPS)