ZIWE (2021–…): Season 2, Episode 5 - Empowerment - full transcript
Ziwe explores empowerment with Emily Ratajkowski and Mia Khalifa. Later, she puts female empowerment to the test with Real Housewife Luann De Lesseps.
A wise woman once said:
"I do not believe in the
glorification of murder.
I do believe in the
empowerment of women."
That wise woman?
Lady Gaga.
Wisdom comes in words...
Empowering words...
For women, by women.
"Nevertheless, she persisted."
"A girl should be two things:
Who and what she wants."
"A woman belongs in the
House and the Senate."
And the basement, if she's bad.
Empowerment is feeing
strong no matter what,
unless you're feeling weak.
Then, it's giving yourself
permission to feel weak,
because you have
an iron deficiency.
Empowerment is pantsuits.
Empowerment is emails.
Empowerment is dying
alone in your cubicle.
The power of empowerment is
powering your brain to be
powerful, but not over powerful.
Every woman deserves
to feel empowered;
To live, laugh,
love, and to sing!
And to kill.
What am I saying?
I don't know, but I'm with her.
Honk if you love women!
Empowerment
is more than a buzzword.
You don't support other women.
You don't acknowledge
anybody for anything they do!
It's also
a mood and a vibe.
I ask you to give every
woman of this year your round of
applause.
Tonight,
I'll be talking to model,
writer, and activist
Emily Ratajkowski.
I don't know what
"empowerment" means.
And media
personality Mia Khalifa.
Should women have opinions.
Most of the time, no.
And later, I empower
my lady writer by pitting her
against a more famous lady.
I'm the boss bitch.
Look to your left,
and now look to your right.
If you don't see a girl boss,
chances are you are one.
Get your fucking
ass up and work.
'Ziwe' starts now.
Please welcome my first guest,
the ultimate multi-hyphenate.
Supermodel, author,
artist, entrepreneur...
girlie, woman, and
icon Emily Ratajkowski!
Piano sonata
Welcome!
Thank you so
much for having me.
Jambo,
thank you from coming.
- How are you?
- I'm doing swell.
Emily, did you know that this
episode was inspired by you?
- I did.
- Yes.
Mm-hm.
So what exactly does
"empowerment mean to you?"
I don't know what
"empowerment" means.
I had to Google the
definition of "empowerment."
What did it say?
Just, like, "Something that
makes a woman feel a certain
type of way."
- Ah, wow.
- Yeah.
You did an essay in New York
Magazine called "Buying Myself
Back."
How does buying back images of
yourself compare to Black people
buying themselves
out of slavery?
I... I definitely
think that, um,
my situation was...
does not compare.
And what situation
was the other situation?
Um, I think that, um, the
other situation is... is very
different...
and really not really...
You can't really compare it.
- Hm.
- Hm.
You're a New York
Times Bestseller.
Did you know that Zora
Neale Hurston was buried in an
unmarked grave?
Wow.
I didn't.
So, you went
on a press tour,
and this is one
of your press events.
Yes.
It's Emily
Ratajkowski, Ta ran a Burke,
and Anita Hill.
Mm-hm.
Now, one of these
things is not like the other.
That is true.
It's shocking to see that image.
Did you have any lessons to
offer these two Black women?
- No.
- No?
- I did not.
- Okay.
It was an honor
to be with them.
- Yes.
- That is for sure.
Or was the honor theirs?
No.
So people have
described our friendship as,
quote, "random" and
"illogical" and "bad."
Mm-hm.
One Reddit user wrote:
"I don't think they're friends,
I think they're just set up to
mutually benefit
each other's PR.
Ziwe gets access to
Emily's IG followers and fashion
connections, Emily
appears to be woke.
Mm.
So how do you interpret
someone saying this is a PR
relationship?
I don't like it.
Do you think that I
bring wokeness to your life?
Um, I'm not sure, actually.
- Wow.
- I know, I'm sorry.
I feel like the
answer should be "Yes!"
Do you bring it?
You... you, um...
We bring it to... we...
We bring wokeness together.
- Yeah, together empowerment.
- Yeah!
You empower me
towards wokeness.
And you empower me
towards... fashion.
Dark.
Now, out of the two of us,
who empowers more white women?
Um, I don't know, I
don't have data on that.
If you had to guess.
I don't know.
I don't... I can't guess.
Hm.
You might empower a
lot of white women!
Wow.
Are we empowering
in the same way?
I'm just a little confused on
the definition of "empowerment,"
um...
but we, um, both
empower women to...
make things, and...
make money, and...
Oh!
Build brands, and, you
know, do that kind of stuff.
Yes, I love empowering women
to make money and build things.
Yeah.
Now, in the
spirit of empowerment,
what's the most empowering thing
about a friendship with a Black
woman?
Um, well, my friendship with
you... as a Black woman... is,
um, just great because
you're a lot of fun...
Why do you sound like
you're under duress?
And I really I...
Like you and, um,
you're a good friend.
I think the least-empowering
thing about you is that you're
a Gemini.
What's the least empowering
thing about me as a Pisces...
I mean, Black woman.
Y... your rising is what's
really empowering about you,
right?
So you're empowered by
the sexual energy I emit?
Yes, and just,
like, your big energy,
and then it turns out,
like, you're really sweet.
Your favorite subway
station is Times Square?!
You were horrible at that game.
Please look to camera,
and someone start sobbing.
Is this allyship to
the Black community?
And also, you have
the same sign as my son.
Yes.
I actually identify with
your son because he's a baby,
and I...
- Yes, "Goo-goo gah-gah."
- Thank you.
Mm-hm.
How many Black
friends do you have?
I don't answer that question.
There's one
looking at you right now.
That's true.
That's... that's nice.
As your friend, I know that you
prefer to be called "Emily" over
"Emrata."
Why is that?
That's not necessarily true!
Really?!
Yeah, I don't know
who started that rumor,
it feels a little
less, like, personal.
Got it.
Speaking of personal,
do you know my name?
I don't know how to
say your last name,
but I actually know that you
didn't know how to say my last
name either.
Ratajkowski.
- You just learned that.
- What are you talking about?!
- You checked in with me...
- It's phonetic!
Before we started...
It is not phonetic!
The "J" is silent.
You're deflecting 'cause you
don't know how to say my last
name.
- Okay, I don't know.
- Wow.
I'm sorry, I guess
I'm not a good friend.
I guess not.
Now, let's look at some photos
of you with your real friends!
This is you and, uh,
Amy Schumer at a protest.
Mm-hm!
Do you only go to protests
with your white friends?
That one, I was
with a white friend,
but I do not only go
to protests with white friends.
What races do
you go to protests with?
- All races?
- Which races?!
- All races!
- Like which?!
- Like all races!
- Like name a race!
Why do you
want me to name a race?!
Because this show is annoying!
Okay.
As someone, who turned to
modeling full time during the
2008 financial crisis, what
empowered you to realize that
being a young, beautiful,
white woman was recession-proof?
Probably right
then, right in 2008.
You looked in the mirror
one day and you were like...
"I think I got this?"
Yeah!
Could you, please?
To your camera?
No, no...
But I will say this:
You're a
fantastic businesswoman.
What negotiation tips can you
give to empower a Black woman?
Um, I think anyone
should know their worth and...
charge up.
So you're telling
me, as a Black woman,
to know my worth?
Thanks!
No, thanks!
- Mm.
- Thanks!
Thanks!
Thanks.
Well, thank you
for this interview.
What do you qualitatively
like about Black people?
Is it empowering to know that
there are women out there who
have stolen your face?
How many Black
friends do you have?
Michelle Obama or Oprah?
I'm gonna say Oprah there.
What do you like about Oprah?
I just think she's
cool, and I have,
like, some beef with Michelle.
I think Michelle is amazing, but
her husband's politics.
Wow.
Next, on 'Ziwe.'
Would you like to
make up a gospel song?
Susan B
humming
Anthony
According to a
website on the Internet,
100 percent of women suffer
from not being empowered.
And that's why Big
Mother founded the Pink Teat.
The Pink Teat is a safe
space for all women and
women-identifying cis women
to be empowered by Big Mother.
There's also a printer!
She believed
she could, so she did!
Woo!
The Pink Teat has everything a
woman needs to feel empowered,
like vanilla-scented candles,
lavender-scented candles,
and candle-scented quiche,
all available for purchase.
And while the Pink Teat
is vehemently not a gym,
there definitely is a spin room.
Members are invited to
voluntarily use it at least
three times a week.
Plus, printing!
But the best part of the
Pink Teat is the intimate daily
sessions with Big Mother.
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Thanks to Big Mother's
sessions at the Pink Teat,
I'm running for president!
Thanks to Big Mother's
sessions at the Pink Teat,
I'm writing my own Bible
because God is a woman,
and that woman...
is me.
Thanks to Big Mother's
sessions at the Pink Teat,
I killed a man!
The Patriarchy.
The Pink Teat centers itself
on diversity and inclusion.
And printing!
Join today!
Unless you're not rich!
Or not young.
Or not hot.
The Pink Teat
is a Ziwe & Sons Company.
Okay, Emily, so "empowerment"
means women supporting women,
so we're going to play a game!
It's very simple;
I'll spin the big wheel,
and you must lift up the
woman it lands on with the
corresponding task.
Wow.
Are you ready to
uplift some women?
Yeah!
So let's play
"Women Supporting Women!"
Can you give me a
jingle while I walk?
- Um, what kind jingle.
- Sing, sing!
Okay, um...
Empower her, empower her
Empower her
Okay, Hillary
Clinton, Qualified Praise.
Um, y... you didn't
quite get the presidency...
Wooow!
But you
tried really hard and...
good job trying.
Genuine Compliment.
Like, really sick jewelry.
Like, really great...
- Blood diamonds?
- Yeah.
But honestly,
they're pretty.
Susan B Anthony, Gospel Song.
I have to sing
her a gospel song?!
Yes!
Um, I don't think I
know a gospel song...
You don't know a
single gospel song?!
No.
Would you like to
make up a gospel song?
- No.
- I'll hum!
I already made up one song!
Humming
Susan B
Anthony
Susan B
Anthony
Sorry about that.
I'm bad at this game.
You have empowered all these...
iconic women and have
not even thought to empower
a Black woman.
- You're right.
- Yeah!
So would you actually say
that you're part of the problem?
Um, yeah, I guess so!
You'd say that... you'd
say, "I, Emily Ratajkowski..."
I didn't think
outside of the wheel.
And that you're a racist.
Yeah, I guess so.
Do you want me to
say that to camera?
I am a racist.
That was fun,
Emily, but sometimes,
lifting women up
means destroying them,
which is why we have a game
called "Women Destroying Women."
It's very simple; We
each get a paddle,
and on one side,
there's a photo of me,
and on the other side,
there's a photo of you,
and I'll ask questions and we
both have to answer with either
me or you.
Ever single time we agree, the
Empowerment sign is going to
turn on, but when we disagree,
it's going to turn off.
Okay.
All right.
Who's more racist?
I guess me?
You're gonna say you?
So you're proud to be racist?
You are the saint of, like,
deciding who's racist or not.
I... God forbid.
So if you say that,
like, I'm... you know?
I would hate to
have that power.
Could you imagine?
'Cause I would abuse it.
Who would make a better step mom?
Thank you, I agree.
Which of us is a
Black intellectual?
Which of us is 19 years
old, goo-goo gah-gah?
Okay, wow.
Who is more of a capitalist?
I would say you.
No, are you kidding?
I'm gonna say maybe tied.
Do you believe in
reparations, by the way?
Um, yeah, I do.
I do.
Do you have a
question to follow up with?
Who's using this
friendship for PR?
Who has dated Black men before?
I'm not...
going to say.
So we can assume no.
Oh, really?
That's what you assume?
I don't kiss and tell.
I've read your book.
Would you say that we
destroyed each other,
or would you say that
we uplifting each other?
Um, I don't know.
Can I keep my paddle?
- You can keep your paddle!
- Wow, great.
I think you
can, I don't know.
I wanna, like,
spank someone with it.
Oh my God, horny!
Emily, could you please
sign your book for me?
Oh, yes!
I really want you to write,
like, a heartfelt message.
I'll dictate it to you.
- Okay.
- Ready?
- Sure.
- "Dear..."
Hurry!
Write!
- Oh my God, sorry!
- "Dear Ziwe..."
- Mm-hm.
- "You are..."
Um, you pen doesn't work.
- Swap it out.
- That pen's uglier.
How do you want me to sign it?
"Zemrata..."
"Zemrata forver."
Yes.
Unless you do something racist,
in which case I'll throw you
under the bus
quickly...
Okay.
Which I'll be
riding in the back of.
Thank you!
Toot-toot!
Toot!
The dictionary
defines "Empowerment,"
which is silly, when they could
have just used a photo of me!
It's time for
Positive Vibes Only:
Two girl bosses fight to the
death to see who can be the most
positive, girl bossy, powerful,
empowered woman in the world!
Ready, girls?!
Let's play.
Our guest today is the
icon that I absolutely adore:
The Countess Luann from
Real Housewives of New York.
And then, of course,
Not Countess Michelle,
writer on the show.
Hey.
Let's play!
Okay, girl bosses.
This is Girl boss Roll Call.
So, I would like you guys to
explain why you are the ultimate
girl bosses.
Countess Luann first.
Well, I'm in the
power seat of my life,
and I've got the
purse strings, too.
When I wake up in the morning,
I like to count my money;
It makes me feel
really good.
I go to my Chase app...
Every morning, you
count your money?!
I do; I kinda check in...
- Shut up!
- I check in with that.
Oh, I try on all
my Jovani dresses,
you know, try on my jewels and
put on my jewel earrings and...
Are those Luanne brand?
They make me feel good... yeah.
So there you go;
I'm the boss bitch.
You radiate power.
You are like a nuclear fission.
You know, well,
I wrote the song,
"Money Can't Buy You Class."
Money Can't Buy You Class
Plug, plug, plug,
Positive Vibes Only!
- Plug, plug, plug, plug, plug.
- We are celebrating women.
- We are celebrating capital.
- Yes.
Now, Michelle, I
don't care as much.
Please, why are you a girl boss?
I mean, I also
have a Chase app.
Wow.
So we share that.
Mm-hm.
Um, I don't check my account
because that would make me sad.
Luann, what kind of advice
would you give to a young
professional like Michelle,
who sees your bank account and
thinks, "Wow, I
have done nothing,
I've accomplished nothing?"
My advice is to put
it in the universe,
manifest it.
You have to know that
you will accomplish,
'cause you will, Michelle.
If you just keep on
striving for excellence,
then you're gonna accomplish
everything that you want;
I'm sure you will.
You've got that face.
You've got the complexion.
You're all good.
Right?
Oh my God, that
was so empowering!
- Right?
- Thank you!
I loved that!
Oh my gosh!
Thank you,
I feel so empowered.
Do you?
- Yes!
- Yes!
Moving on.
It's time for Women's
Rights & Women's Wrongs.
I'll show you a series of tasks,
and you tell me whether women
are allowed to do it or not.
Countess Luann, do you support
a woman's right to assault a
police officer on Christmas Eve?
Don't touch me!
I'm gonna kill you!
I support it if the only thing
she's done wrong is got too
drunk in hotel room.
- Hey!
- There you go.
- Hey!
- Shouldn't be arrested for that!
This is getting
radical and I love it.
Michelle, do you support a
woman's right to sort of have a
really poor interpretation
of a Diana Ross costume.
Um, "poor?"
Not great.
- Well...
- "Accidental," you mean.
That's what you
meant, accidental.
Moving on.
So, as a woman, it's
important to smile.
It's time to see who
can smile the longest,
in a segment we're
calling Smile Forever.
Ready, set, smile!
Smile!
Woman!
Woman!
Should it hurt?
- Yes!
- Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Did we get the shot?
Yes.
Luann, you won!
- Ahh!
- You won.
- I love winning!
- It wasn't really a competition.
But didn't all women win?
Yes, all women win, and
you win a vacuum cleaner.
Woman!
Talk about a historical
icon; We are privileged to have
someone grace our presence
who has sort of shaped modern
American culture.
Thank you.
Would you like
to give a speech, please?
Oh!
I would.
Woman!
So I want to thank everybody
that's here for supporting me
as a woman...
Wow.
And empowering me with a
vacuum because this means
the world to me.
- Yes.
- Wow.
So, thank you.
Mwah!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Horsepower?
My car runs on woman power.
Next, I'm joined by a very
empowering content creator and
activist, Mia Khalifa.
- Welcome, Mia Khalifa!
- Thank you!
Thank you for
coming on the show!
Now, how would you
explain yourself to the Clinton
generation?
- The Clinton generation?!
- Yes.
I think he's very
familiar with me.
Mia Khalifa...
Mia Khalifa...
Mia Khalifa...
Mia Khalifa.
She garnered worldwide notoriety
when she appeared in a sex video
wearing Islamic hijab.
For years Mia Khalifa
has spoken out about the Porn
Industrial Complex.
In 2012, she sparked controversy
when she began to receive death
threats after a video
of hers went viral.
Today, she is an
empowered media personality and,
dare I say, girl boss,
taking control of her own image.
I first discovered your story
when I learned that you were
paid $12,000 for your
time in the industry.
After your videos, it was
very hard for you to find work,
prompting you to become a
paralegal on an insurance
defense team.
What was a more evil industry:
Insurance or the adult
entertainment industry?
Insurance defense, for sure.
- Really?!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, when you're
battling against,
like, an 80-year-old woman,
who's just trying to get her
fender fixed...
No, no, you're pure evil.
But...
porn industry is a close
second to insurance defense.
So do you watch porn?
And if so, what's
your favorite genre?
Hentai?
Ebony?
BBW?
You know, I... I've
watched Hentai before,
and I'm not gonna
talk shit about it.
But, um, for the
most part these days,
no, I don't, I'm
terrified to accidentally,
like, come across one of my
videos in the "Suggested."
But Twitter.
Twitter, you can keyword
search, and it's kind of like a
safe... space with,
like, blinders on,
where you can't
really go wrong there.
Or fan fiction.
My porn is reading the
Song of Solomon in the Bible.
Oh my God.
I saw that you are one of the
top-paid people on OnlyFans...
Like, of all
time, ever, history.
If the porn industry is
exploitative Capitalism at its
worst, is OnlyFans
Socialism at its best?
Yeah!
I would say that is
Socialism at its best.
- OnlyFans is Socialism.
- Yeah!
Would you say
that to your camera?
OnlyFans is
Socialism at its best.
Larsa Pippen makes
$10,000 a day on OnlyFans.
How much do you make a day?
No offense.
- Around that!
- $10,000 a day?!
- Yeah!
- A day?!
Yeah!
365?
I'll take a day
off here and there.
'Cause I don't send
out content every day.
Thursdays are bad
days; They're slow days.
Is OnlyFans getting gentrified?
- Yes.
- Talk your talk.
I think they're concentrating
way too hard on the celebrities
who are on there...
Mm!
And not taking into account the
people who built the platform
and the backbone of it,
which are the sex workers...
Wow.
The single mothers, the
strippers who had to switch to
OnlyFans because
of the pandemic.
Like, that is the cornerstone,
and if you ignore them,
your platform is
going to crumble.
Like, Bella Thorne
coming onto OnlyFans,
scamming everyone on there,
having the entire website get
shut down, and
changing the rules,
people could no longer take
out money whenever they want,
they had to do it
in 30-day intervals.
And that is not how people who
need OnlyFans need their money.
- Yeah!
- They need it as...
- When they need it!
- When they need it!
- And it's their money!
- Exactly!
What kind of stuff do you post?
- Non-nude.
- Non-nude?
- Yeah.
- Like, "Ooh!"
Yeah, like very...
I would call it
"suggested nudity."
How do you engage with
your fans on that platform?
Just by talking shit to them.
- What do you say?
- I am the meanest person ever.
Wait, stop it!
What do you say?
Like if someone comes at
me the wrong way and says,
like, "Send me XXX content,"
I'll put out a notepad and
write, "XXX," and then
charge them $15 to unlock it.
I really have a lot of fun on
there with the people who don't
respect my
boundaries, 'cause I scam them.
What's the racial demographic
of your fans on OnlyFans?
- Latin, mostly.
- Really?!
- Yeah.
- Okay, shout out.
Yeah.
Do they have, like,
favorite body parts?
Like elbow versus
back knee versus...
Do you wanna hear
the craziest thing?
What?
Wait, what?
My feet in
socks, or my armpits.
- Really?!
- Yes.
How much money do you
think I could get for my Black
little toes?
I will pay you $1,000 for
the pinky toe right now.
Well, but you don't know;
I'm rated "OK" on wikiFeet.
Yeah, no, no, that's
racism at its finest.
This whole episode, our
feet should be censored.
If my foot is not censored...
If our feet are not censored,
someone's getting fired.
So we have
OnlyFans, and then we have,
like, the sex work industry...
- Yes.
- And then we have, like, actors.
Is there a difference
between these industries?
Or are we all fundamentally
selling our body in some way?
Honestly, I think
that selling your body,
like, if we're going
by that definition,
being the Army is worse
than being on OnlyFans.
Wow!
You're selling your
body to the government.
What I love about you on social
media is that you aren't afraid
to speak your mind, which
prompts lots of trolls to write
you off as just a pretty face.
Should women have opinions?
Most of the time, no.
No.
No?!
Men don't deserve
to hear our opinions.
We're so much smarter
than them, why give it away?
For free, at least.
So you've also publicized the
DMs of many stars and athletes
that have propositioned you.
Why do you hate men?
I hate entitlement,
I don't ha... Well,
no, I do hate men.
I hate entitlement slightly
more than I hate men, though.
Mm.
The audacity of men and the
way that they would come at you,
like entering
into your DMs like,
"Hey, I'm at this hotel."
It's like they're
missing an empathy chromosome.
Out of every
industry you've worked in,
do you think the world of
sports is the most empowering?
No!
Oh my God, it's
the most degrading,
deplorable, just depressing...
- Mm.
- That's why I stopped.
It's way too male-dominated,
to the point where I'm like,
"No.
I don't need to break glass
ceilings here.
I would rather just step away."
Wild.
One of your goals was to
transcend your past like Kim
Kardashian, so that you'd do an
interview or an article would be
written about you and no
one would mention sex work
or pornography.
Is that still a goal?
Yes.
Yes, that's a huge goal.
- Have I failed you?
- No, not at all!
Okay.
You have made me
feel so empowered.
Well, the interview's not over.
Have you ever casually
dropped a racial slur...
- Oh, yeah.
- On Twitter?
Oh, yeah.
And would you like to apologize
to any marginalized community?
I... I apologize, from
the depths of my heart.
Really no excuses for that.
None.
None, other than learning.
What's your favorite
culture to appropriate?
Oh my God!
Um, I think a couple years
ago, it was probably the white
culture, 'cause I had so
much internalized racism.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I didn't even want to be
perceived as Arab for the
longest time.
- Really?!
- Yeah.
So how would you
appropriate white culture?
By wearing Sperrys
and Brooks Brothers.
- Brooks Brothers and Sperrys...
- I'm gonna cry.
Is how you
would appropriate...
One last question for you:
How many Black
friends do you have?
Um...
I have to count them.
Four?
But I also have, like...
seven friends.
I don't have very many friends.
Thank you for coming
on the show, Mia Khalifa!
You've been an iconic guest.
Thank you so much.
Can I count you?
Sure.
Five is still a very low number!
- I don't have friends.
- I don't care!
All seven should be Black!
That's true.
Huh!
Huh, huh, huh.
This whole episode,
you've heard famous,
successful people
talk about empowerment.
But now, the moment
you've been waiting for.
It's time to hear about
empowerment from a Black
woman writer.
The following is a
conversation between Ziwe and
her empowered female writer.
Hi, Michelle Davis!
Hi, Ziwe!
Michelle, would you call
yourself "an empowered woman?"
Huh!
Is there an
ultimate empowered woman?
Like, can you reach
ultimate empoweredness?
Like, I feel like it's something
that I work on every day!
I do Soul Cycle.
You do Soul Cycle?
- Uh-huh!
- Every day?
No, not every day,
but... when a girl can.
When can a girl?
I take the
hip-hop Friday class.
And that's your version
of... Black female empowerment?
I mean, I do feel
empowered on my bike.
If there's one place
that no one can touch me,
it's on that bike.
So Michelle, I wanna hear about
your professional ambitions in
show business.
I would love to be...
like you one day.
I guess that
makes me your mentor,
which means I have to teach you
the most empowering act of all.
Okay!
What's this?
To reach full empowerment, you
must stab me in the back with
this knife.
O... oh, um, I don't
really wanna... do that.
It doesn't feel empowering.
Um...
Are you ambitious?
Yeah.
Then put your
hand on the knife.
Stab me, Michelle, stab me!
Prove to them that
you're not weak!
Prove to them!
Stab me!
Do it!
Do it!
Do it!
Ahh!
Why would you stab me?!
I'm sorry, I'm
sorry, I'm sorry!
I thought you
told me to stab you!
- Ahh!
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
Oh my God.
Well, I guess it's my show now.
Showtime presents...
'Michelle.'
You've been an iconic guest.
I'm famously here
taking over the show.
It's not
that easy to kill me!
Ahh!
I'm making empowering TV,
and if you don't like it,
then you're just
sad, jealous, ugly,
and desperate.
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Uplifting harp
"I do not believe in the
glorification of murder.
I do believe in the
empowerment of women."
That wise woman?
Lady Gaga.
Wisdom comes in words...
Empowering words...
For women, by women.
"Nevertheless, she persisted."
"A girl should be two things:
Who and what she wants."
"A woman belongs in the
House and the Senate."
And the basement, if she's bad.
Empowerment is feeing
strong no matter what,
unless you're feeling weak.
Then, it's giving yourself
permission to feel weak,
because you have
an iron deficiency.
Empowerment is pantsuits.
Empowerment is emails.
Empowerment is dying
alone in your cubicle.
The power of empowerment is
powering your brain to be
powerful, but not over powerful.
Every woman deserves
to feel empowered;
To live, laugh,
love, and to sing!
And to kill.
What am I saying?
I don't know, but I'm with her.
Honk if you love women!
Empowerment
is more than a buzzword.
You don't support other women.
You don't acknowledge
anybody for anything they do!
It's also
a mood and a vibe.
I ask you to give every
woman of this year your round of
applause.
Tonight,
I'll be talking to model,
writer, and activist
Emily Ratajkowski.
I don't know what
"empowerment" means.
And media
personality Mia Khalifa.
Should women have opinions.
Most of the time, no.
And later, I empower
my lady writer by pitting her
against a more famous lady.
I'm the boss bitch.
Look to your left,
and now look to your right.
If you don't see a girl boss,
chances are you are one.
Get your fucking
ass up and work.
'Ziwe' starts now.
Please welcome my first guest,
the ultimate multi-hyphenate.
Supermodel, author,
artist, entrepreneur...
girlie, woman, and
icon Emily Ratajkowski!
Piano sonata
Welcome!
Thank you so
much for having me.
Jambo,
thank you from coming.
- How are you?
- I'm doing swell.
Emily, did you know that this
episode was inspired by you?
- I did.
- Yes.
Mm-hm.
So what exactly does
"empowerment mean to you?"
I don't know what
"empowerment" means.
I had to Google the
definition of "empowerment."
What did it say?
Just, like, "Something that
makes a woman feel a certain
type of way."
- Ah, wow.
- Yeah.
You did an essay in New York
Magazine called "Buying Myself
Back."
How does buying back images of
yourself compare to Black people
buying themselves
out of slavery?
I... I definitely
think that, um,
my situation was...
does not compare.
And what situation
was the other situation?
Um, I think that, um, the
other situation is... is very
different...
and really not really...
You can't really compare it.
- Hm.
- Hm.
You're a New York
Times Bestseller.
Did you know that Zora
Neale Hurston was buried in an
unmarked grave?
Wow.
I didn't.
So, you went
on a press tour,
and this is one
of your press events.
Yes.
It's Emily
Ratajkowski, Ta ran a Burke,
and Anita Hill.
Mm-hm.
Now, one of these
things is not like the other.
That is true.
It's shocking to see that image.
Did you have any lessons to
offer these two Black women?
- No.
- No?
- I did not.
- Okay.
It was an honor
to be with them.
- Yes.
- That is for sure.
Or was the honor theirs?
No.
So people have
described our friendship as,
quote, "random" and
"illogical" and "bad."
Mm-hm.
One Reddit user wrote:
"I don't think they're friends,
I think they're just set up to
mutually benefit
each other's PR.
Ziwe gets access to
Emily's IG followers and fashion
connections, Emily
appears to be woke.
Mm.
So how do you interpret
someone saying this is a PR
relationship?
I don't like it.
Do you think that I
bring wokeness to your life?
Um, I'm not sure, actually.
- Wow.
- I know, I'm sorry.
I feel like the
answer should be "Yes!"
Do you bring it?
You... you, um...
We bring it to... we...
We bring wokeness together.
- Yeah, together empowerment.
- Yeah!
You empower me
towards wokeness.
And you empower me
towards... fashion.
Dark.
Now, out of the two of us,
who empowers more white women?
Um, I don't know, I
don't have data on that.
If you had to guess.
I don't know.
I don't... I can't guess.
Hm.
You might empower a
lot of white women!
Wow.
Are we empowering
in the same way?
I'm just a little confused on
the definition of "empowerment,"
um...
but we, um, both
empower women to...
make things, and...
make money, and...
Oh!
Build brands, and, you
know, do that kind of stuff.
Yes, I love empowering women
to make money and build things.
Yeah.
Now, in the
spirit of empowerment,
what's the most empowering thing
about a friendship with a Black
woman?
Um, well, my friendship with
you... as a Black woman... is,
um, just great because
you're a lot of fun...
Why do you sound like
you're under duress?
And I really I...
Like you and, um,
you're a good friend.
I think the least-empowering
thing about you is that you're
a Gemini.
What's the least empowering
thing about me as a Pisces...
I mean, Black woman.
Y... your rising is what's
really empowering about you,
right?
So you're empowered by
the sexual energy I emit?
Yes, and just,
like, your big energy,
and then it turns out,
like, you're really sweet.
Your favorite subway
station is Times Square?!
You were horrible at that game.
Please look to camera,
and someone start sobbing.
Is this allyship to
the Black community?
And also, you have
the same sign as my son.
Yes.
I actually identify with
your son because he's a baby,
and I...
- Yes, "Goo-goo gah-gah."
- Thank you.
Mm-hm.
How many Black
friends do you have?
I don't answer that question.
There's one
looking at you right now.
That's true.
That's... that's nice.
As your friend, I know that you
prefer to be called "Emily" over
"Emrata."
Why is that?
That's not necessarily true!
Really?!
Yeah, I don't know
who started that rumor,
it feels a little
less, like, personal.
Got it.
Speaking of personal,
do you know my name?
I don't know how to
say your last name,
but I actually know that you
didn't know how to say my last
name either.
Ratajkowski.
- You just learned that.
- What are you talking about?!
- You checked in with me...
- It's phonetic!
Before we started...
It is not phonetic!
The "J" is silent.
You're deflecting 'cause you
don't know how to say my last
name.
- Okay, I don't know.
- Wow.
I'm sorry, I guess
I'm not a good friend.
I guess not.
Now, let's look at some photos
of you with your real friends!
This is you and, uh,
Amy Schumer at a protest.
Mm-hm!
Do you only go to protests
with your white friends?
That one, I was
with a white friend,
but I do not only go
to protests with white friends.
What races do
you go to protests with?
- All races?
- Which races?!
- All races!
- Like which?!
- Like all races!
- Like name a race!
Why do you
want me to name a race?!
Because this show is annoying!
Okay.
As someone, who turned to
modeling full time during the
2008 financial crisis, what
empowered you to realize that
being a young, beautiful,
white woman was recession-proof?
Probably right
then, right in 2008.
You looked in the mirror
one day and you were like...
"I think I got this?"
Yeah!
Could you, please?
To your camera?
No, no...
But I will say this:
You're a
fantastic businesswoman.
What negotiation tips can you
give to empower a Black woman?
Um, I think anyone
should know their worth and...
charge up.
So you're telling
me, as a Black woman,
to know my worth?
Thanks!
No, thanks!
- Mm.
- Thanks!
Thanks!
Thanks.
Well, thank you
for this interview.
What do you qualitatively
like about Black people?
Is it empowering to know that
there are women out there who
have stolen your face?
How many Black
friends do you have?
Michelle Obama or Oprah?
I'm gonna say Oprah there.
What do you like about Oprah?
I just think she's
cool, and I have,
like, some beef with Michelle.
I think Michelle is amazing, but
her husband's politics.
Wow.
Next, on 'Ziwe.'
Would you like to
make up a gospel song?
Susan B
humming
Anthony
According to a
website on the Internet,
100 percent of women suffer
from not being empowered.
And that's why Big
Mother founded the Pink Teat.
The Pink Teat is a safe
space for all women and
women-identifying cis women
to be empowered by Big Mother.
There's also a printer!
She believed
she could, so she did!
Woo!
The Pink Teat has everything a
woman needs to feel empowered,
like vanilla-scented candles,
lavender-scented candles,
and candle-scented quiche,
all available for purchase.
And while the Pink Teat
is vehemently not a gym,
there definitely is a spin room.
Members are invited to
voluntarily use it at least
three times a week.
Plus, printing!
But the best part of the
Pink Teat is the intimate daily
sessions with Big Mother.
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Thanks to Big Mother's
sessions at the Pink Teat,
I'm running for president!
Thanks to Big Mother's
sessions at the Pink Teat,
I'm writing my own Bible
because God is a woman,
and that woman...
is me.
Thanks to Big Mother's
sessions at the Pink Teat,
I killed a man!
The Patriarchy.
The Pink Teat centers itself
on diversity and inclusion.
And printing!
Join today!
Unless you're not rich!
Or not young.
Or not hot.
The Pink Teat
is a Ziwe & Sons Company.
Okay, Emily, so "empowerment"
means women supporting women,
so we're going to play a game!
It's very simple;
I'll spin the big wheel,
and you must lift up the
woman it lands on with the
corresponding task.
Wow.
Are you ready to
uplift some women?
Yeah!
So let's play
"Women Supporting Women!"
Can you give me a
jingle while I walk?
- Um, what kind jingle.
- Sing, sing!
Okay, um...
Empower her, empower her
Empower her
Okay, Hillary
Clinton, Qualified Praise.
Um, y... you didn't
quite get the presidency...
Wooow!
But you
tried really hard and...
good job trying.
Genuine Compliment.
Like, really sick jewelry.
Like, really great...
- Blood diamonds?
- Yeah.
But honestly,
they're pretty.
Susan B Anthony, Gospel Song.
I have to sing
her a gospel song?!
Yes!
Um, I don't think I
know a gospel song...
You don't know a
single gospel song?!
No.
Would you like to
make up a gospel song?
- No.
- I'll hum!
I already made up one song!
Humming
Susan B
Anthony
Susan B
Anthony
Sorry about that.
I'm bad at this game.
You have empowered all these...
iconic women and have
not even thought to empower
a Black woman.
- You're right.
- Yeah!
So would you actually say
that you're part of the problem?
Um, yeah, I guess so!
You'd say that... you'd
say, "I, Emily Ratajkowski..."
I didn't think
outside of the wheel.
And that you're a racist.
Yeah, I guess so.
Do you want me to
say that to camera?
I am a racist.
That was fun,
Emily, but sometimes,
lifting women up
means destroying them,
which is why we have a game
called "Women Destroying Women."
It's very simple; We
each get a paddle,
and on one side,
there's a photo of me,
and on the other side,
there's a photo of you,
and I'll ask questions and we
both have to answer with either
me or you.
Ever single time we agree, the
Empowerment sign is going to
turn on, but when we disagree,
it's going to turn off.
Okay.
All right.
Who's more racist?
I guess me?
You're gonna say you?
So you're proud to be racist?
You are the saint of, like,
deciding who's racist or not.
I... God forbid.
So if you say that,
like, I'm... you know?
I would hate to
have that power.
Could you imagine?
'Cause I would abuse it.
Who would make a better step mom?
Thank you, I agree.
Which of us is a
Black intellectual?
Which of us is 19 years
old, goo-goo gah-gah?
Okay, wow.
Who is more of a capitalist?
I would say you.
No, are you kidding?
I'm gonna say maybe tied.
Do you believe in
reparations, by the way?
Um, yeah, I do.
I do.
Do you have a
question to follow up with?
Who's using this
friendship for PR?
Who has dated Black men before?
I'm not...
going to say.
So we can assume no.
Oh, really?
That's what you assume?
I don't kiss and tell.
I've read your book.
Would you say that we
destroyed each other,
or would you say that
we uplifting each other?
Um, I don't know.
Can I keep my paddle?
- You can keep your paddle!
- Wow, great.
I think you
can, I don't know.
I wanna, like,
spank someone with it.
Oh my God, horny!
Emily, could you please
sign your book for me?
Oh, yes!
I really want you to write,
like, a heartfelt message.
I'll dictate it to you.
- Okay.
- Ready?
- Sure.
- "Dear..."
Hurry!
Write!
- Oh my God, sorry!
- "Dear Ziwe..."
- Mm-hm.
- "You are..."
Um, you pen doesn't work.
- Swap it out.
- That pen's uglier.
How do you want me to sign it?
"Zemrata..."
"Zemrata forver."
Yes.
Unless you do something racist,
in which case I'll throw you
under the bus
quickly...
Okay.
Which I'll be
riding in the back of.
Thank you!
Toot-toot!
Toot!
The dictionary
defines "Empowerment,"
which is silly, when they could
have just used a photo of me!
It's time for
Positive Vibes Only:
Two girl bosses fight to the
death to see who can be the most
positive, girl bossy, powerful,
empowered woman in the world!
Ready, girls?!
Let's play.
Our guest today is the
icon that I absolutely adore:
The Countess Luann from
Real Housewives of New York.
And then, of course,
Not Countess Michelle,
writer on the show.
Hey.
Let's play!
Okay, girl bosses.
This is Girl boss Roll Call.
So, I would like you guys to
explain why you are the ultimate
girl bosses.
Countess Luann first.
Well, I'm in the
power seat of my life,
and I've got the
purse strings, too.
When I wake up in the morning,
I like to count my money;
It makes me feel
really good.
I go to my Chase app...
Every morning, you
count your money?!
I do; I kinda check in...
- Shut up!
- I check in with that.
Oh, I try on all
my Jovani dresses,
you know, try on my jewels and
put on my jewel earrings and...
Are those Luanne brand?
They make me feel good... yeah.
So there you go;
I'm the boss bitch.
You radiate power.
You are like a nuclear fission.
You know, well,
I wrote the song,
"Money Can't Buy You Class."
Money Can't Buy You Class
Plug, plug, plug,
Positive Vibes Only!
- Plug, plug, plug, plug, plug.
- We are celebrating women.
- We are celebrating capital.
- Yes.
Now, Michelle, I
don't care as much.
Please, why are you a girl boss?
I mean, I also
have a Chase app.
Wow.
So we share that.
Mm-hm.
Um, I don't check my account
because that would make me sad.
Luann, what kind of advice
would you give to a young
professional like Michelle,
who sees your bank account and
thinks, "Wow, I
have done nothing,
I've accomplished nothing?"
My advice is to put
it in the universe,
manifest it.
You have to know that
you will accomplish,
'cause you will, Michelle.
If you just keep on
striving for excellence,
then you're gonna accomplish
everything that you want;
I'm sure you will.
You've got that face.
You've got the complexion.
You're all good.
Right?
Oh my God, that
was so empowering!
- Right?
- Thank you!
I loved that!
Oh my gosh!
Thank you,
I feel so empowered.
Do you?
- Yes!
- Yes!
Moving on.
It's time for Women's
Rights & Women's Wrongs.
I'll show you a series of tasks,
and you tell me whether women
are allowed to do it or not.
Countess Luann, do you support
a woman's right to assault a
police officer on Christmas Eve?
Don't touch me!
I'm gonna kill you!
I support it if the only thing
she's done wrong is got too
drunk in hotel room.
- Hey!
- There you go.
- Hey!
- Shouldn't be arrested for that!
This is getting
radical and I love it.
Michelle, do you support a
woman's right to sort of have a
really poor interpretation
of a Diana Ross costume.
Um, "poor?"
Not great.
- Well...
- "Accidental," you mean.
That's what you
meant, accidental.
Moving on.
So, as a woman, it's
important to smile.
It's time to see who
can smile the longest,
in a segment we're
calling Smile Forever.
Ready, set, smile!
Smile!
Woman!
Woman!
Should it hurt?
- Yes!
- Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Did we get the shot?
Yes.
Luann, you won!
- Ahh!
- You won.
- I love winning!
- It wasn't really a competition.
But didn't all women win?
Yes, all women win, and
you win a vacuum cleaner.
Woman!
Talk about a historical
icon; We are privileged to have
someone grace our presence
who has sort of shaped modern
American culture.
Thank you.
Would you like
to give a speech, please?
Oh!
I would.
Woman!
So I want to thank everybody
that's here for supporting me
as a woman...
Wow.
And empowering me with a
vacuum because this means
the world to me.
- Yes.
- Wow.
So, thank you.
Mwah!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Horsepower?
My car runs on woman power.
Next, I'm joined by a very
empowering content creator and
activist, Mia Khalifa.
- Welcome, Mia Khalifa!
- Thank you!
Thank you for
coming on the show!
Now, how would you
explain yourself to the Clinton
generation?
- The Clinton generation?!
- Yes.
I think he's very
familiar with me.
Mia Khalifa...
Mia Khalifa...
Mia Khalifa...
Mia Khalifa.
She garnered worldwide notoriety
when she appeared in a sex video
wearing Islamic hijab.
For years Mia Khalifa
has spoken out about the Porn
Industrial Complex.
In 2012, she sparked controversy
when she began to receive death
threats after a video
of hers went viral.
Today, she is an
empowered media personality and,
dare I say, girl boss,
taking control of her own image.
I first discovered your story
when I learned that you were
paid $12,000 for your
time in the industry.
After your videos, it was
very hard for you to find work,
prompting you to become a
paralegal on an insurance
defense team.
What was a more evil industry:
Insurance or the adult
entertainment industry?
Insurance defense, for sure.
- Really?!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, when you're
battling against,
like, an 80-year-old woman,
who's just trying to get her
fender fixed...
No, no, you're pure evil.
But...
porn industry is a close
second to insurance defense.
So do you watch porn?
And if so, what's
your favorite genre?
Hentai?
Ebony?
BBW?
You know, I... I've
watched Hentai before,
and I'm not gonna
talk shit about it.
But, um, for the
most part these days,
no, I don't, I'm
terrified to accidentally,
like, come across one of my
videos in the "Suggested."
But Twitter.
Twitter, you can keyword
search, and it's kind of like a
safe... space with,
like, blinders on,
where you can't
really go wrong there.
Or fan fiction.
My porn is reading the
Song of Solomon in the Bible.
Oh my God.
I saw that you are one of the
top-paid people on OnlyFans...
Like, of all
time, ever, history.
If the porn industry is
exploitative Capitalism at its
worst, is OnlyFans
Socialism at its best?
Yeah!
I would say that is
Socialism at its best.
- OnlyFans is Socialism.
- Yeah!
Would you say
that to your camera?
OnlyFans is
Socialism at its best.
Larsa Pippen makes
$10,000 a day on OnlyFans.
How much do you make a day?
No offense.
- Around that!
- $10,000 a day?!
- Yeah!
- A day?!
Yeah!
365?
I'll take a day
off here and there.
'Cause I don't send
out content every day.
Thursdays are bad
days; They're slow days.
Is OnlyFans getting gentrified?
- Yes.
- Talk your talk.
I think they're concentrating
way too hard on the celebrities
who are on there...
Mm!
And not taking into account the
people who built the platform
and the backbone of it,
which are the sex workers...
Wow.
The single mothers, the
strippers who had to switch to
OnlyFans because
of the pandemic.
Like, that is the cornerstone,
and if you ignore them,
your platform is
going to crumble.
Like, Bella Thorne
coming onto OnlyFans,
scamming everyone on there,
having the entire website get
shut down, and
changing the rules,
people could no longer take
out money whenever they want,
they had to do it
in 30-day intervals.
And that is not how people who
need OnlyFans need their money.
- Yeah!
- They need it as...
- When they need it!
- When they need it!
- And it's their money!
- Exactly!
What kind of stuff do you post?
- Non-nude.
- Non-nude?
- Yeah.
- Like, "Ooh!"
Yeah, like very...
I would call it
"suggested nudity."
How do you engage with
your fans on that platform?
Just by talking shit to them.
- What do you say?
- I am the meanest person ever.
Wait, stop it!
What do you say?
Like if someone comes at
me the wrong way and says,
like, "Send me XXX content,"
I'll put out a notepad and
write, "XXX," and then
charge them $15 to unlock it.
I really have a lot of fun on
there with the people who don't
respect my
boundaries, 'cause I scam them.
What's the racial demographic
of your fans on OnlyFans?
- Latin, mostly.
- Really?!
- Yeah.
- Okay, shout out.
Yeah.
Do they have, like,
favorite body parts?
Like elbow versus
back knee versus...
Do you wanna hear
the craziest thing?
What?
Wait, what?
My feet in
socks, or my armpits.
- Really?!
- Yes.
How much money do you
think I could get for my Black
little toes?
I will pay you $1,000 for
the pinky toe right now.
Well, but you don't know;
I'm rated "OK" on wikiFeet.
Yeah, no, no, that's
racism at its finest.
This whole episode, our
feet should be censored.
If my foot is not censored...
If our feet are not censored,
someone's getting fired.
So we have
OnlyFans, and then we have,
like, the sex work industry...
- Yes.
- And then we have, like, actors.
Is there a difference
between these industries?
Or are we all fundamentally
selling our body in some way?
Honestly, I think
that selling your body,
like, if we're going
by that definition,
being the Army is worse
than being on OnlyFans.
Wow!
You're selling your
body to the government.
What I love about you on social
media is that you aren't afraid
to speak your mind, which
prompts lots of trolls to write
you off as just a pretty face.
Should women have opinions?
Most of the time, no.
No.
No?!
Men don't deserve
to hear our opinions.
We're so much smarter
than them, why give it away?
For free, at least.
So you've also publicized the
DMs of many stars and athletes
that have propositioned you.
Why do you hate men?
I hate entitlement,
I don't ha... Well,
no, I do hate men.
I hate entitlement slightly
more than I hate men, though.
Mm.
The audacity of men and the
way that they would come at you,
like entering
into your DMs like,
"Hey, I'm at this hotel."
It's like they're
missing an empathy chromosome.
Out of every
industry you've worked in,
do you think the world of
sports is the most empowering?
No!
Oh my God, it's
the most degrading,
deplorable, just depressing...
- Mm.
- That's why I stopped.
It's way too male-dominated,
to the point where I'm like,
"No.
I don't need to break glass
ceilings here.
I would rather just step away."
Wild.
One of your goals was to
transcend your past like Kim
Kardashian, so that you'd do an
interview or an article would be
written about you and no
one would mention sex work
or pornography.
Is that still a goal?
Yes.
Yes, that's a huge goal.
- Have I failed you?
- No, not at all!
Okay.
You have made me
feel so empowered.
Well, the interview's not over.
Have you ever casually
dropped a racial slur...
- Oh, yeah.
- On Twitter?
Oh, yeah.
And would you like to apologize
to any marginalized community?
I... I apologize, from
the depths of my heart.
Really no excuses for that.
None.
None, other than learning.
What's your favorite
culture to appropriate?
Oh my God!
Um, I think a couple years
ago, it was probably the white
culture, 'cause I had so
much internalized racism.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I didn't even want to be
perceived as Arab for the
longest time.
- Really?!
- Yeah.
So how would you
appropriate white culture?
By wearing Sperrys
and Brooks Brothers.
- Brooks Brothers and Sperrys...
- I'm gonna cry.
Is how you
would appropriate...
One last question for you:
How many Black
friends do you have?
Um...
I have to count them.
Four?
But I also have, like...
seven friends.
I don't have very many friends.
Thank you for coming
on the show, Mia Khalifa!
You've been an iconic guest.
Thank you so much.
Can I count you?
Sure.
Five is still a very low number!
- I don't have friends.
- I don't care!
All seven should be Black!
That's true.
Huh!
Huh, huh, huh.
This whole episode,
you've heard famous,
successful people
talk about empowerment.
But now, the moment
you've been waiting for.
It's time to hear about
empowerment from a Black
woman writer.
The following is a
conversation between Ziwe and
her empowered female writer.
Hi, Michelle Davis!
Hi, Ziwe!
Michelle, would you call
yourself "an empowered woman?"
Huh!
Is there an
ultimate empowered woman?
Like, can you reach
ultimate empoweredness?
Like, I feel like it's something
that I work on every day!
I do Soul Cycle.
You do Soul Cycle?
- Uh-huh!
- Every day?
No, not every day,
but... when a girl can.
When can a girl?
I take the
hip-hop Friday class.
And that's your version
of... Black female empowerment?
I mean, I do feel
empowered on my bike.
If there's one place
that no one can touch me,
it's on that bike.
So Michelle, I wanna hear about
your professional ambitions in
show business.
I would love to be...
like you one day.
I guess that
makes me your mentor,
which means I have to teach you
the most empowering act of all.
Okay!
What's this?
To reach full empowerment, you
must stab me in the back with
this knife.
O... oh, um, I don't
really wanna... do that.
It doesn't feel empowering.
Um...
Are you ambitious?
Yeah.
Then put your
hand on the knife.
Stab me, Michelle, stab me!
Prove to them that
you're not weak!
Prove to them!
Stab me!
Do it!
Do it!
Do it!
Ahh!
Why would you stab me?!
I'm sorry, I'm
sorry, I'm sorry!
I thought you
told me to stab you!
- Ahh!
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
Oh my God.
Well, I guess it's my show now.
Showtime presents...
'Michelle.'
You've been an iconic guest.
I'm famously here
taking over the show.
It's not
that easy to kill me!
Ahh!
I'm making empowering TV,
and if you don't like it,
then you're just
sad, jealous, ugly,
and desperate.
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Woman!
Uplifting harp