Young Sheldon (2017–…): Season 4, Episode 13 - The Geezer Bus and a New Model for Education - full transcript

Previously on Young Sheldon...

What are you doing here?

Apparently, the head of the
college wants to talk to us.

I'll just get right
to the point.

I would like you and your son

to meet with a very important
benefactor of the college.

Why us?

Sheldon is an impressive
addition to the physics program.

And we like our donors to feel really
good about where their money's going.

- No, thank you.
- Can I speak to you alone?

Will you give us a minute?

Very well. But if you're looking to
see if my father will be a potential donor,

you are barking
up the wrong tree.

People often ask

why I was so resistant to
getting a driver's license.

My spotty history with motor
vehicles was certainly a factor.

Please slow down.

I'm going eight miles an
hour. A cow just passed us.

You're gonna hit it.

- Make it stop.
- It's just a carwash.

- Do something.
- It's just a carwash.

- We're gonna die.
- It's just a carwash.

Why did I agree to this?
I don't care for this at all.

- Oh, my God. Are you okay?
- Yes. I think so.

Tow truck's on the way.

Are you sure we shouldn't
call an ambulance?

I'm fine. Sheldon?

- I feel fine.
- What happened?

Oh, a cat ran in front of me.

- You couldn't stop?
- I tried, but the brake just gave out.

- Well, thank goodness it wasn't worse.
- I should have aimed for the cat.

It looks like your car's gonna
be out of commission for a while.

If you need a ride, the
church offers a shuttle service.

I'm not getting on
that geezer bus.

It's just for people
who can't get around.

That's 'cause they're
so shriveled up,

they can't even see
over the steering wheel.

- That's not nice.
- I've driven that van. It is grim.

If Meemaw doesn't have a car,
who's gonna drive me to college?

I guess if we leave early, I
could take you before work.

Hey, when you take the shuttle,
bring hard candy. They gobble it up.

I can't believe you and
Meemaw almost died tonight.

I wouldn't say we almost died.

Well, that's what I'm
saying at school tomorrow.

- Why?
- It's called good storytelling.

But it's lying.

- They don't know that.
- You weren't even in the car.

Doesn't matter. Shay
McElheney's dad had a kidney stone.

She got out of
homework for a week.

I can't believe you'd use my traumatic
experience to manipulate people.

Really? I can.

- Hey, did the engine catch fire?
- No.

You're in shock. You
don't know what happened.

I might be a little late picking you up
tonight, so you can wait in the library.

All right.

Didn't have time
to make lunch, so...

Okay.

- What's going on?
- I can't do it.

- What's wrong?
- What if there's another crash?

- Baby, that's not gonna happen again.
- You don't know that.

Sheldon, if you don't get in right
now, you're going to miss school.

True.

I know you don't believe in it,

but I'm gonna say an extra special
prayer right now to keep us safe.

Lord, please look after me and
Sheldon on our drive to school.

I'll get back to you.

- You see Sheldon?
- That way.

- What's going on?
- He's having some sort of panic attack.

Oh, man. My story
just keeps getting better.

Baby, you can't go the rest of
your life never getting in a car again.

Before cars were invented,
people did it all the time.

- Well, I'm not gonna force you.
- Thank you.

- I can't get him in the car.
- So what now?

So he's not going to school.

You know, on The
A-Team, Mr. T is afraid to fly

and they give him special
milk to put him to sleep.

- Oh.
- No.

Aw.

I don't care what your guy
says. Have him check it again.

- Sorry. I'm cranky.
- No problem.

I like when you yell at
people who aren't me.

Stupid mechanic. Said
the brakes are just fine.

Well, you probably
stepped on the wrong pedal.

I didn't.

I'm just saying, happens
with people our age, you know.

I've been driving my whole
life. I know which pedal is which.

- Now you're yelling at me.
- Sorry.

What do you think about letting
me borrow your truck today?

- I don't know.
- Why not?

- 'Cause I like my truck.
- Not funny.

It is. But you're just cranky.

Fine. Maybe I'll just ride
my bicycle to the salon.

- You ride a bike?
- Is that amusing to you?

An old lady riding
a bike? Oh, no.

- Shut up.
- Okay. Will do.

- Oh, my goodness. Was anyone hurt?
- No, but now I got no car for a while.

- You could ride your bike.
- An old lady on a bike.

That's not cool.

Really? Then I won't
ask how I look on one.

- You look great.
- I know.

I just wanted to
hear you say it.

So there's no one
who can lend you a car?

There is the church shuttle.

But that just feels like
it's the end of the line.

Oh, I wouldn't say that.

There's all sorts of depressing
steps before the end.

- You've got full-time nursing care.
- Bye, John.

- Assisted living.
- Bye, John.

- Hospice.
- Bye, John.

- Life support.
- Bye, John.

- Pulling the plug.
- Bye, John.

- Then you make a miraculous recovery.
- Great.

But the hospital bills
leave you destitute.

- Bye.
- Bye.

- Grant Linkletter.
- Dr. Linkletter, Sheldon Cooper.

I wanted to let you know
I won't be in class today.

Is everything all right?

Yes, but in the interest
of self-preservation,

I've decided to avoid
traveling in motor vehicles.

I'm sure there's a
story behind that.

- There is.
- I don't want to hear it.

So how shall we
handle today's class?

Well, I'm sure you can get
notes from another student.

Or you could give the
lecture to me right now.

- That's preposterous.
- Why?

We could be creating a
new model of education

where students
could learn remotely.

It could be the
wave of the future.

Sheldon, it's your
responsibility to come to class,

not mine to bring
the class to you.

My Meemaw gets cranky
like this when she's hungover.

Is that what's happening here?

First Baptist of Medford.
How may I bless you?

I thought Peg
answered the phones.

- Mom?
- Yeah.

- Something I can help you with?
- No. It can wait.

You want the number
to the shuttle, don't you?

- Fine. Yes.
- Let me get that for you.

Huh. I'm looking under "G"
for geezer bus and it's not there.

- Oh, that's hilarious.
- Maybe it's under "O" for old fogeys.

You know, you're not being a
very Christian person right now.

I have enough prayers in
the bank. I can coast for a day.

- Just give me the number.
- All right.

Now, remember when you call

to let them know if you need
any help getting upstairs.

Dr. Linkletter wouldn't
give me what I wanted.

I couldn't tell on him to his mommy,
but I could to his work mommy.

Sheldon, what can I do for you?

I can't make it to school today

and I'm concerned about
the physics class I'm missing.

- How come you're not here?
- I was in a car accident with my Meemaw.

- Oh, my God. Are you okay?
- Well...

I can't believe you'd use my traumatic
experience to manipulate people.

Really? I can.

And then her car had to get towed
away. It was quite a traumatic experience.

Oh, you poor thing.
What can I do to help?

If you turn to page 78 in the
textbook, I'll begin today's lecture.

We should come up with
some kind of video system

so you can see
when I raise my hand.

- Why don't you just tell me?
- Let's try it. Hand raised.

- Yes, Sheldon?
- That worked great.

- Hey, Connie. Waiting for the mail?
- Yeah. You know me.

Oh, something from
Publishers Clearing House.

- Maybe you won.
- Yeah. Wouldn't that be something?

Yeah. You know, people think
Publishers Clearing House is Ed McMahon.

But that's actually
a different company.

Is that so?

Publishers Clearing House is
the Prize Patrol with a giant check.

Ed McMahon...

Well, it sure is nice
talking to you, Edwin. Bye.

Oh, the church van.

- My grandma rides that sometimes.
- Edwin, beat it.

All right. Yep.

One can choose the extended zone
scheme, the reduced zone scheme...

- Hand raised.
- Yes.

I set you up on speaker phone.

So now it's really like
I'm learning in the future.

- May I continue?
- Ahead warp factor five.

That's from Star Trek,
which is also in the future.

- Connie Tucker?
- Yeah.

Give me one
second. I'll help you in.

No, no, I don't need
your help. I'll get in myself.

- She opened that door all by herself.
- Looks like we got a feisty one.

Don't test me.

Oh, yeah, she's feisty.

- What?
- She's feisty.

What?

Vern.

- Connie.
- Where you headed, Connie?

- Stop flirting with her -
I'm not flirting with her.

- I was being cordial.
- Mmm-hmm.

I'm Hortense, his wife, which
clearly he seems to have forgotten.

Judas Priest, give it a rest.

That's Doris.

- Hello, Doris.
- What?

Turn on your hearing aid.

It's nice to meet you all.

And to answer your question,
I'm headed to the salon.

Oh, fancy. We're
headed to the pharmacy.

- Seven pills a day.
- You take nine.

- Clearly, one ain't working.
- Okay, I'm on. What did I miss?

- She's headed to the salon.
- Oh, fancy.

- Cooper residence.
- Sheldon, President Hagemeyer again.

Just calling to make sure it all
worked out with Dr. Linkletter.

Yes. Everything went quite well.
Although he was a tad irritable.

Maybe because I
ripped him a new one.

- A new what?
- Not important.

Uh, whatever you need for
classes, you just say the word.

I suppose it could be helpful if I
could dial in to the university server

while still on the phone
with my professors.

Like a second phone line?
We can take care of that.

Well, as my Meemaw would say,
aren't you just a spoonful of sugar?

Who is he talking
to all this time?

If there's anything else you
need, you just let me know.

I can't think of anything except
that I wanted Strawberry Quik

and my brother put the empty
milk carton back in the fridge.

Ugh, brothers. They're the worst.
Mine's an environmental activist.

Ugh.

And then they
crashed into a tree.

- Oh, no.
- The engine caught fire.

My goodness. Is everyone okay?

Thankfully, yes, but I
was pretty shook up.

Well, don't worry
about that test today.

- Thank you for understanding.
- Mmm-hmm.

Oh, and where are we
on homework tonight?

- Don't push it.
- Right.

Hey, I'm just gonna
run Doris into the bank.

We'll be back in a minute.

Doris...

You seem like you can get around.
So why are you in this geezer buggy?

- I had a little car accident.
- Ooh, anybody get hurt?

Only the tree.

- Step on the wrong pedal?
- No.

- Maybe.
- "Maybe" my ass.

Hey, that sort of thing happens.

Oh, he drove into all kinds of
stuff before they took his keys away.

Remember the goose?

Feathers everywhere.

I just think it'd kill me to lose
my independence like that.

Oh, it's not so bad. Sometimes
Clayton takes us to the park.

- Like dogs.
- I got places to go.

Bowling league, water aerobics.
I drive my grandson to college.

- Why can't he drive himself?
- Well, he's 11.

- Eleven and in college?
- He's special.

Our grandson is 27.

Mmm, he may be the
other kind of special.

- Sheldon?
- In my room.

I saw a truck outside.
What's wrong with the phone?

Nothing.

Adding a second line.

I'm almost done here. Just
got to hop up on the roof.

Hold on. You can't just add
another phone line without asking.

- I didn't do it. The university did.
- Why would they do that?

- I asked them to.
- What, are you some sort of special kid?

- You have no idea.
- Shouldn't you be up on the roof?

You can't just ask the
university for things.

President Hagemeyer seemed so
happy to help. Why rob her of that?

Sheldon, you are going to have
to get in a car again eventually.

It's not looking like it.

This isn't over.

- Can I help you?
- Grocery delivery for Sheldon Cooper.

What is it?

Looks like milk, straws and
three cans of Strawberry Quik.

Oh, boy. Thank you. Would
you tip him? I'm a little light.

So, I was singing
karaoke with my girlfriend,

who used to be married to
the guy I'm currently dating.

What the heck is a karaoke?

It's when you stand up and sing
in front of everybody at the bar.

- You're like a Las Vegas showgirl.
- Oh, no, no. Anybody can do it.

- I'll take you sometime.
- Oh, please. Can we?

- Well, could I sing "Blue Suede Shoes"?
- You bet.

You better turn your
hearing aid down for that one.

You got that right.

Tell me, when was the last time you
went and got all dolled up at a salon?

- I don't even remember.
- It's been years.

Do I look like I go to a salon?

We're going now. I'm gonna
take you and it's on me.

This is exciting. It's a good
thing I got my heart pills.

Hello.

Hi. This is Linda Hagemeyer
from the university.

- Is this Mrs. Cooper?
- Yes, it is.

Excellent. Did the
Strawberry Quik arrive?

As a matter of fact, it did.

Sounds like nasty
stuff, but hey,

whatever floats the
little guy's boat, right?

Listen, I appreciate that you
value Sheldon at your school.

- Love him.
- But I am trying to raise him

to be a well-rounded
individual who will get in a car.

Oh, I wouldn't worry about that.
Academia draws all kinds of eccentrics.

We've got a biology professor
who hasn't cut his nails in years.

- Ugh, looks like Edward Scissorhands.
- That is not what I want for my son.

- Do you have children?
- No, but thanks for bringing it up.

Anyway, I would like
Sheldon to function in society,

and it does not help if you give
him everything that he asks for.

I'm just doing my job.

And I am just doing mine.

- Understood.
- Thank you.

Oh, and in a few minutes,

my assistant is gonna be dropping
off a big old basket of Star Trek tapes.

I'm afraid it's too late for me
to pump the brakes on that one.

Sarah did a real nice
job on my cuticles.

So where are we headed
next? And don't say dinner.

- But it's almost four o'clock.
- What?

- It's almost four o'clock.
- Ooh, dinnertime.

- Just get in.
- Ooh! She's like a muscle man.

- Move on over, Doris.
- What?

My mother eventually
coaxed me back into the car

with a trip to Radio Shack.

She knew I was nervous, so she
came up with an interesting distraction.

- Baby, how about we play a car game?
- I suppose.

- Can I make it science-based?
- Sure.

I'll say an element
starting with A,

then you repeat that and
add one starting with B.

- I don't think I'll get very far.
- Great. Then I'll win. Aluminum.

Okay. You said A for aluminum.

- B... Is boron an element?
- Yes.

It was the beginning
of a new tradition,

one that would eventually bring
countless hours of joy to Leonard

on our drives to work.

Much like my mother,
he never beat me.

I don't know an element
that starts with D.

I win. That was fun.
Round two. Argon.