Young Sheldon (2017–…): Season 3, Episode 4 - Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball With Zip - full transcript

Previously on Young Sheldon...

What the hell's going on?

Mom thinks that I'm crazy.

I thought we weren't supposed
to say stuff like that.

Baby, there's something
I need to tell you.

Dr. Sturgis

is not in the kind of
hospital you think he is.

What kind of hospital is he in?

The psychiatric kind.

And you think since he
and I are both gifted,

I'm going to end up like him?

Oh, baby.

See how valuable a little
communication can be?

You do not take credit for this.

ADULT SHELDON: You never know where
scientific inspiration will strike.

For Newton, it was under an apple tree.

For Archimedes,
it was sitting in a bathtub.

For me, on this particular day,

it had a "sweaty people
eating meat" kind of vibe.

Sheldon, do you really
have to do that here?

If the management

didn't want me to solve
unified field theory,

why would they give me a crayon?

I told you to crack a window
and leave him in the car.

It occurred to me

that Maxwell's equations
would achieve full symmetry

by adding a magnetic monopole.

I drew a ladybug.

All right, y'all.

- Oh...
- Is it okay to set this down?

I'm a little busy.
Could you come back later?

Sheldon, I'm hungry.

Let's just sit over there.

No. We're gonna eat
together as a family.

Instead of electricity,
we'll have magnetricity.

[WHISPERS]: It's getting heavy.

We'll be right over
here if you need us.

Let's go.

Bye, ladybug.

♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

Baby, you need to eat something.

But it looks like I can
change the definitions

of electric and magnetic fields

and rotate the magnetic charge
away mathematically to zero.

Maybe some fried okra would help.

Richard Feynman didn't develop
quantum electrodynamics

by filling up on fried okra.

Well, maybe that's because
his mama didn't love him

as much as I love you.

ADULT SHELDON: Richard Feynman was Jewish.

His mother didn't give him fried okra.

Ugh. What am I missing?

Wake me up one more time,

and I will sneeze in your mittens.

A big, wet, snotty one.

♪ ♪

Baby, what are you doing?

Working.

Have you been out here all night?

No. Why, what time is it?

7:30.

Oh. Then yes.

[GRUNTING]

Son of a...

Dad, you busy?

Do I look like I'm busy?

I can't see what you look like.
You're under the sink.

[GRUNTS] What do you want?

Would you teach me
how to throw a baseball?

What's bringing this on?

♪ ♪

♪ Saying I love you ♪

♪ Is not the words ♪

♪ I want to hear from you ♪

♪ More than words ♪

♪ Is all... ♪

I don't know, just seems fun.

Sure, why not?

Great, I'll get the gloves.

Not now!

So, what's new?

I'm worried about Sheldon.

I said "new."

He's not sleeping, he's not eating.

We went out for barbecue last night,

and he didn't touch a thing.

He also started biting his nails.

I've never seen him do that before.

Is he worried about something?

He's fixated on some science problem.

Well, I'm sure he'll solve it

and then everything
will go back to normal.

I hope so.

What's going on with John?

Not much.

We write letters back and forth.

That's romantic.

Romantic if he were off to war,

not in a mental hospital.

Well, he's at war with his inner demons.

- You're right-handed, yeah?
- You don't know?

Okay, smartass, which one am I?

[EXHALES] I'm right-handed.

Put this on your left hand.

You ever thrown a ball before?

Just rocks at Sheldon.

Did you hit him?

Every time.

So, we got something to work with.

All right, since you're right-handed,

which I now know,

you're gonna bring your arm up

and follow through like this.

Okay.

Nice. You might be a natural.

I'm not surprised.
This is the arm I color with.

[WINCES]

I wasn't even aware I was chewing them.

Baby, I think this math problem

you're working on is stressing you out.

It makes sense. Einstein
struggled with it for 30 years

and never found a solution.

Maybe if you stop thinking about
it, it'll just come to you.

- No. I can't stop.
- Sheldon.

If I stop, I'll lose momentum.

I'll never solve it. I'll be a failure.

My life will be worthless.

Okay, that's it. You're taking
a break from science.

Give me one good reason
why I would do that.

Where is Dr. Sturgis right now?

That's a good reason.

All right, remember, you need to look

right where you want the ball to go.

Where else would I look?

Well, in the last five minutes,

I saw you watch a butterfly,

a squirrel and the ice cream truck.

You looked at the ice cream truck, too.

Which team has a big red "T" on their hat?

Texas Rangers.

- Is that a team we like?
- Uh, yeah.

Yeah, that's who most people
around here root for.

Okay. And what's something
I could say about the Rangers?

You know, to sound cool.

- Is this about a boy?
- No.

All right, sorry.

If you want, you could say,
"Even though Nolan Ryan is old,

the Rangers were
still smart to get him."

That's a real thing?

That's a real thing.

How old is Nolan Ryan?

My age.

Ew.

I'm so used to thinking about science,

I'm not sure how to make myself stop.

As soon as I think about

not thinking about it,
I'm thinking about it.

Well, why don't you just think
about something else?

- Like what?
- I don't know.

Read a comic book?

How do you think the spider
that bit Peter Parker

got radioactive? Science.

How do you think Bruce Banner
got exposed to gamma rays?

- Science.
- All right.

When the Green Goblin flies...

- I said all right.
- Science.

I know you don't want to hear this,

but I find prayer can bring
incredible peace of mind.

Come on, Mary, I'm trying to help the kid.

You just need a new hobby.

Very well. What are yours?

Smoking, drinking and gambling.

But we can find you
something almost as fun.

Let's sweat again!

Come on, everybody!

MEEMAW: Come on, Sheldon.

Let's get that blood pumping.

- I'd rather not.
- [CHUCKLES]

Do it. A little exercise will help

get your head out of your butt.

[CHEERING OVER TV]

RICHARD SIMMONS: Get those hands going.

Back to the front.

What do you think?

I think I hate this.

Well, you're not thinking
about science now, am I right?

I'm thinking about how miserable I am.

SIMMONS: Let's get on that train. Can we?

Back to the front. Come on.

Three.

Yes. Four. Count them out for me!

Five. Uh-huh.

B-14.

B-14.

What else you got?

Are you positive other people's
fingers haven't been in this?

I made sure to get you a new one.

- It doesn't look new.
- It's new.

Let her rip.

I'm still thinking about science.

That's okay.

Just aim for the front pin.

♪ ♪

You and Missy looked like
you were having fun today.

Uh, yeah, we were.

A little father-daughter bonding.

[CHUCKLES] Yeah. It was nice.

Hmm. You guys were out there for a while.

What were you talking about?

Oh, you know, just... life.

Sure.

Everything okay?

Everything's fine.

Nothing to worry about.

You're really not gonna tell me?

No.

Hey there, Sheldon. What can I do for ya?

I'm wondering if you have any books

on stopping bad habits.

A few. What habit are you trying to stop?

- Science.
- Yowza.

It's not permanent.

I'm just looking to take a break.

I've heard that one before.

What did you take a break from?

Happiness.

Okay.

I've tried a few different activities,

but whatever I do just
leads me back to science.

Well, let's think about it.
What's the opposite of science?

Science is based in facts,

and the opposite of facts is fiction.

How about fantasy?

Magic and dragons.

We have a whole section here.

Ooh, that sounds
intellectually bankrupt.

I'll give it a shot.

Good news.

I found a way to take
a break from science.

That's great. What is it?

A fantasy book series
called The Lord of the Rings.

Well, it's got "the Lord" in it.

That's something.

That one had some zip on it.

Zip's a good thing, right?

Yes.

So it looks like I know what I'm doing?

Just like a pro.

But like a lady pro?

Oh, yes. Very much.

Is there anything else good
I could say about the Rangers?

Uh, let's see.

Tell whoever's interested

that no one's ever gonna touch
Nolan Ryan's strikeout record.

'Cause he strikes out all the time.

[CHUCKLES]: No.

Because he throws strikeouts all the time.

Oh. Big difference.

Dinner's ready.

Five more minutes?

She wants five more minutes

with her ole dad.

What are they doing out there?

They're bonding. It's great.
Sheldon, how's your book?

Nice pivot.

SHELDON: Excellent. There's a character

named Gollum who was corrupted
by the Ring of Power.

Now he runs around naked and
bites the heads off fish.

MEEMAW: That's called sushi.

Which, by the way, I
will die before I eat.

Speaking of dying, when you do,

can I have your car?

This can't be right.

[GROANS]

What now?

In the letter that Gandalf
leaves for Frodo

at The Prancing Pony, he says
that it's Mid-year's Day,

Shire year 1418. However,

in Appendix B, it says
that Gandalf met Radagast

on June 29, which is impossible because...

Hey!

Next time, it's my shoe.

And I will put zip on it.

"The man who lived in the town was tall."

Which word is the relative pronoun?

Sheldon.

Have you read The Lord of the Rings?

Um, I have,

but that's not what we're
really doing right now.

The relative pronoun is "who."

Now, did you notice that in Fellowship,

Elrond says that the
foundations of Barad-dûr

were made with the One Ring?

Let's say sure.

However, in Appendix B,
"The Tale of Years," it's clear

that Sauron began building
Barad-dûr in Second Age 1000,

600 years before the ring was forged.

Georgie.

Imagine living with this.

An hour a day is enough.

The timeline doesn't make
sense. I mean, it lists

Samwise Gamgee's birth year as both

2963 and 2980.

Maybe he lied about his age.

- Why?
- I don't know. Maybe he thinks

his neck makes him
look older than he is.

But he's only in his 30s.

That's young.

Thank you.

For a hobbit. For a human,
that's mommy-age.

Thank you.

When Frodo and Sam

are riding through the
Shire, the book says

the moon went westward,

but according to the
calendar Tolkien created,

there should have been no moon visible.

But in the appendix,
Tolkien covers himself

by saying there may be mistranslations

from the Red Book.

Fictional Tolkien says that,

but I can't help
wondering if real Tolkien,

who wrote the book, made the mistake

or if it was an intentional mistake

made by the fictional Tolkien,

who translated these real-world events

from an original source.

Oh, no.

Is that how I sound to people?

Hey! You want to throw the ball around?

[CRYING]

No, go away.

Did something happen at school?

I don't want to talk about it.

Okay. Well...

You change your mind,
you know I'm here for you.

He likes someone else.

I'm sorry, sweetheart.

She doesn't even know who Nolan Ryan is.

This guy sounds like an idiot.

He's not. He's perfect.

All right.

Want me to get your mom?

No.

You want me to beat this guy up?

No. [SNIFFLES]

What can I do?

[SNIFFLES]

Nice.

How do you make it curve?

Well, that's a little tricky.

You... you put two fingers on the seam.

Right? And then you flick your wrist.

- Okay.
- Yeah? Here, try it.

Two... Oh, so there.

There you go, right on the stitch there.

Two fingers on it.

- Then at the end, you flick your wrist.
- Like that?

There you go. Give her a shot.

[LAUGHS]: Hey! How about that?

Right? Just like a pro, I'm telling you.

Well, we'll work on that, shall we?

- Definitely.
- [LAUGHS]

Nice.

♪ Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah ♪

ADULT SHELDON: Having found no answers,

I took it upon myself to rectify

the inconsistent timeline
in Lord of the Rings.

J.R.R. Tolkien had a brilliant mind,

but let's be honest.

He was no S.L. Cooper.

♪ In a deep, dark hole ♪

♪ And then I followed it in ♪

♪ I watched myself crawlin' out... ♪

You okay out here?

I will be once I finish this.

♪ I got up so tight... ♪

ADULT SHELDON: As hard as I tried

to work out a consistent chronology,

I kept running into roadblocks.

♪ I just dropped in ♪

♪ To see what condition ♪

♪ My condition was in... ♪

[SIGHS] What am I missing?

[AS GOLLUM]: We're never going

to figures it out.

[SNARLING]

[AS SMÉAGOL]: We can,
we're smarts. We're so smarts.

Our brains is precious.

[SNARLING]

[AS GOLLUM]: If our brains is precious,

we're wasting it on hobbitses.

We like sciences.

[AS SMÉAGOL]: We took
a break from sciences.

It was making us crazy.

[AS GOLLUM]: And look at us now.

Look at what those nasty
hobbitses have done to us.

[AS SMÉAGOL]: No, it was physicses.

Physicses did this to us.

[AS GOLLUM]: Hobbitses.

[AS SMÉAGOL]: Physicses.

[AS GOLLUM]: Hobbitses.

[GRUNTING]

Ow.

I warned you.

Mom. Mom.

- [SNORING]
- What's wrong?

I was Gollum and Sméagol
and I was in a cave

fighting with myself
over physics and hobbits.

And then I realized that even
though physics is frustrating,

it won't turn me into
a tormented creature

who bites the heads off fish.

Okay, good night.

[SIGHS]

I've been doing a great job with Missy.

This one's on you.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER, LAUGHTER]

- MARCUS: Ow!
- [MISSY LAUGHS]