Young Sheldon (2017–…): Season 1, Episode 22 - Vanilla Ice Cream, Gentleman Callers, and a Dinette Set - full transcript

Previously on Young Sheldon...

You know that Mr. Rosenbloom
with the furniture store

over by the steak house?

He's asked me to dinner.

Is he your boyfriend?

Well, he's one of them,
so let's not bring that up.

All right, so what can I do
for you?

What's it like
to be Jewish?

Oh, it's terrible.
I don't recommend it.

Yeah?

Connie, I would like
to have dinner with you tonight.

This is very promising.

Dr. Sturgis and Meemaw

had their first
sleepover.

It's a big step
in their relationship.

I'm going to go
congratulate them.

Hey, put on a jacket,
it's chilly out.

I have only seen you eat
vanilla ice cream for dessert.

- Why is that?
- Well, I've taken a page

from the great physicist
Richard Feynman.

In order to have

one less decision
in his life,

he decided that dessert would
always be chocolate ice cream.

Sounds like it could
get kind of boring.

Oh, it does.

But over the
last 35 years,

I believe I've saved
at least a day and a half.

Well, you have to let me
cook for you sometime.

But I enjoy cooking for you.

It's a means of
expressing my affection.

It also allows me to control
the amount of garlic,

which gives me the burps.

Well, I do make
a mean barbecue,

and I promise I can
make it garlic-free.

Excellent!

Next time, you can express
your affection for me.

Excuse me.

I bet it's Sheldon
checking on us.

What?

Connie? It's Ira.

Hey... Hey...

I'm, uh...

I-It's Sheldon.
He... sounds a little agitated.

I'm gonna take it
in the other room.

Just...

Hello again.

Listen, I'm wondering what
you're doing this weekend.

I miss you.

Cool, cool.

You want to go to a movie

or bowl a few frames?

Uh, you know, listen,
it's not a great time right now.

Um, I have a little family over,

and can I call you later?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry.
I-I don't want to interrupt.

I just miss hearing your voice.

Well... here it is,

coming right up
out of my throat.

Um, okay,

so, uh, uh, bye.

Bye-bye.

How's Sheldon doing?

- What?
- Sheldon.

You were talking to Sheldon.

Oh... right, yes.

Did you know he has a picture
of that fella Feynman

in his bedroom?

What? So do I.

Peas in a pod.

Oh, darn.

Excuse me.

Yes?

How's it going?

It's Sheldon again.

What do you mean "again"?

Speak.

I recently read an article

about a superconducting
supercollider

that might be built in Texas.

What about it?

Well, I thought
if there was a lull

in your dinner conversation,

you might casually drop it
as an icebreaker.

Our dinner conversation
is going just fine.

Well, now you have it
in your back pocket.

Carry on.

Question... will we be engaging
in coitus tonight?

Because I believe
I pulled a hamstring

on the bike ride over.

Why didn't you
say something?

Well, I was trying
to display machismo,

but it's becoming
more and more clear

that there's something
askew in my groin.

Oh, John...

we don't have
to do anything.

We can just be together.

Thanks.

But if it's all
the same to you,

I'd like to give it
the old college try.

Here you go.

Thank you.

So, you're really
gonna go out

with this furniture
store fella

while seeing Dr. Sturgis?

It's called playing the field.

And if you'd done
some of that,

you wouldn't be saddled
with Bluto in there.

That's not nice.

And is that
really necessary?

The Italians call it
"corretto."

It means correcting
the drink.

So, a drink without
alcohol in it is wrong?

Yep.

Italian people, they know what's up.

All right, one issue
at a time.

So, you're really gonna date
two men simultaneously?

- Two that you know of.
- Oh, Mom.

Come on, don't be
such a prude.

I'm not gonna have
any babies.

I don't need these men
to take care of me.

Why shouldn't I just
enjoy myself?

Well, it isn't very
Christian of you.

I got no argument there.

Salute!

Yeah, that fixed it.

Mmm.

Oh, Meemaw, no.

Hey, who are you calling?

Dr. Sturgis.

Why?

I saw Meemaw get in a car

with Mr. Rosenbloom.

No...

I don't know
if it really happened this way,

but to my nine-year-old mind,

my mother was flying.

So, how's the brisket?

It's good.

It ain't my brisket,
but it's good.

I should take you
to New York

so you could taste some
authentic Jewish brisket.

How's it different?

Well, it's pretty much
the same except

it's-it's a lot juicier
and you can feel the fat

go directly to your heart.

Oh, boy...

I miss that laugh.

So, uh...

what do you think
of that idea?

- What idea?
- Going to New York.

Maybe we'll catch
a couple of Broadway shows,

uh, see some sights.

Oh, Ira, gee...

I don't know.

- Seems like a big step.
- Is it?

I think at this time
of our lives,

we should travel,
see the world.

- I guess.
- I mean,

we're not getting
any younger.

What's that supposed to mean?

I mean, I mean, I'm not
getting any younger.

You, on the other hand,

you are a blossoming tulip.

Better.

But I still don't understand.

Your grandmother's
a single lady.

She's not committed
to any one fella,

and she wants to see
what her options are.

But Dr. Sturgis is
the best option.

Well, you might
feel that way,

but she's not so sure.

Then we need to tell her.
I'll make the call.

No. We need to
mind our business

and maybe pray for her
to make the right decision.

We're gonna leave this
up to God?

You think you could do
a better job than God?

Maybe not with
creating the universe,

but I bet
I could free the Hebrews

with one good plague.

You can get lox, bagels,

all the trimmings
at 3:30 in the morning.

Why would I want that?

Well, you wouldn't.
I mean, it's too heavy.

But you could
if you wanted.

So, what do you think?

Oh, Ira, I don't think so.

All right, what do you say

to a weekend
in New Orleans, huh?

We could do one of those
Carnival Cruise things.

You're killing me.

I can't do this, I...

Can't do what?

Ira, you're just
a wonderful man.

Oh, boy, I don't like
where this is going.

But to tell you the truth,

I'm seeing somebody else.

And we've gone there.

I thought I could do it, uh...
you know, date both of you,

but I-I can't, I can't,
I just...

I'm not cut out for it.

Okay, suggestion.

And maybe you've already
thought of this...

but what do you say
you break up with him

and only see me?

I'm sorry.

I thought I could
handle this.

- It's okay.
- You know,

you get older, and you think
your skin is thicker...

- It's okay.
- ...and your heart is tougher.

But it's not, it's
the other way around.

I hope this guy knows
what a gift he has in you.

Well, "gift" is a strong word,

but he's enthusiastic.

Good.

May you both be
very happy together!

I don't want to
celebrate too soon,

but Meemaw and Mr. Rosenbloom
are back, and he was crying.

There'll be more updates
as they happen.

I'm done.

Can I please be excused?

Good Lord, did you
even chew it?

Not the recommended amount, no.

What's your hurry?

I need to get back
to my viewing post.

Fine, go ahead.

What's he expect to see,
staring at Meemaw's house?

Did you just join this family?

The kid's an oddball.

He's just excited
that Meemaw's dating

a man he looks up to.

I wish she could date
Tony Danza... that'd be cool.

What is it with you
and Tony Danza?

Well, the show doesn't
come out and say it,

but I'm pretty sure
he's the boss.

I think the blonde
lady's the boss.

Angela?

Who's the oddball now?

I'm warning you,

once you try my barbecue,

it will ruin you
to all the others.

That's what happened to me
with quilted toilet paper.

Once I tried the good stuff,

everything else felt
like a Brillo pad.

You paint quite the picture,
don't you?

Oh, gosh.

Excuse me.

Sheldon,
this is not cute anymore.

- Connie Tucker?
- Yes?

I have a dinette set
from Rosenbloom's Furniture.

Oh.

I didn't buy any furniture.

I think it's a gift.

Oh, boy.

I bent down to pick up a book,

and I'll be darned if she didn't
sneak a look at my derriere.

Oh, man.

You won't believe what's
happening at Meemaw's house.

Is it more interesting
than Who's the Boss?

Doubt it.

Rosenbloom's Fine Furniture.
Ira speaking.

Why are you sending me
furniture?

I've decided
I can't go away quietly.

I'm fighting for your love.

With a dinette set?

Oh, this isn't just any dinette
set. It's our biggest seller.

And it's not pressed wood...

it's oak!

Ira, I don't like this.

Would you prefer
a leather sectional?

Uh, what's going on?

Uh,

can I call you back?

I look forward to it.

You shouldn't.

Okay.

I guess
you could say

one of my former boyfriends

is trying to win me back
with furniture.

Huh. Impressive.

This is real oak.

Was that him
on the phone?

Yes. I'm sorry.

Interesting.

What?

Being challenged by another man

is making you more
attractive to me.

I don't follow.

I'll have to do
some research,

but I'm guessing
this is a genetic instinct

that's raising my libido.

I need a drink.

Can you believe he tried to win
me back with a dinette set?

I'd give you a dinette set
if you'd leave Texas.

So, would you return it?

Hell no, I'm keeping it.

But then you'll be
beholden to him.

Would you ever take Ira back?

I don't know.

He's sweet as he can be, but...

there's just something
about John.

He's like a cute
little teddy bear, you know?

A brilliant,

bicycle-riding

teddy bear.

I don't even understand half
of what he says.

But...

when he's not around,
I just miss him.

Sounds like you're
falling in love.

Maybe I am.

Excellent.
I love him, too.

Get out of here!

If you don't understand
what Dr. Sturgis says,

I'm happy
to explain it to you.

Get!

Excuse me.

I'm looking for Ira.

At your service.
What can I do for you?

You, sir,
have overstepped your bounds.

I'm sorry, what?

Miss Constance Tucker

made it clear your courtship
was no longer welcome,

and you responded
with six chairs,

a table, and an expansion leaf.

Who are you?

John Sturgis,

the man she chose

and your romantic rival.

I-I'm sorry, wait, what-what
is it you want from me?

I want you to give up
your pursuit of Connie.

All right, I'm gonna have
to ask you to leave my store.

Very well.

The line in the sand
has been drawn.

Cross it at your own peril.

Weirdo.

What was that?

You heard me.

Sir, I am a man with feelings.

And you have hurt them.

I know you've had
a number of...

gentleman callers,

but I've never heard you
speak like this before.

"Gentleman callers"?

And we wonder where
Sheldon gets it.

I'm sorry y'all find this funny,

but this is the first time

my mother's expressed
real interest in a man

since Dad died.

Forgive me for
wanting to know more.

You really want to know more?

Imagine you're getting on
in years,

you and your husband
about to retire,

get a little timeshare
in Sarasota,

and... suddenly...

he's gone,

and you're all alone.

You mourn, you cry,

but eventually you move on.

You start dating a little,

and it's all good fun.

But always in the back
of your mind,

there's that question...

"Will I be alone in the end?"

Why y'all looking at me for?

Haven't slept in days.

It's like I'm
a lovesick teenager,

except I remember the Truman administration.

Your feelings
are understandable.

Connie is
a remarkable woman.

Yes, she is.

But, again, I'm sorry. I should
never have called you weird.

I mean, eh, it was rude.

I've been called
much worse.

A professor once called me
ostrobogulous.

I had to look that one up.

What's it mean?

That I'm a weirdo.

John, you're a great guy.

Well, you, too!

But I hope you
understand, I just...

I can't give up on Connie.

That's all right.
To tell you the truth,

I'm finding the competition
quite exhilarating.

You are?

Oh, yes.

The night
the dinette set arrived,

I did my first push-up
in 40 years.

I'm sorry, but I find
that to be, uh...

what's the word...
astro-boobulous?

Ostrobogulous.

Ostrobogulous.

Exactly.

Now, give me your best price

on one of these

with a cup holder.

John! What
a pleasant surprise.

- I have some news for you.
- Oh?

- Mwah. What is that?
- Mwah.

I went to the furniture
store and spoke to Ira.

- Why would you do that?
- To demand

that he respect your
wish to be left alone.

John, it was not
your place to do that.

Well, if it helps,

he doesn't plan on
leaving you alone.

What the hell
were you thinking?!

That I was being chivalrous.

By going behind my back?

You seem upset.

I am upset!

And how I handle Ira
is my business!

Well, I hope you do it gently.

He's very vulnerable these days.

You're friends now?

Well, I wouldn't say friends,

but I could see, over time,

you know,
we might...

Are you two fighting?

No.

Oh, good.

I was almost certain
that we were.

We are.

- I'm confused.
- Me, too.

Is this because you went
to the furniture store?

He knows about this?

- Yes.
- Yes. - All right, now, listen,

if this relationship's
gonna have any chance at all,

we have to lay down
some ground rules.

Great. I love rules.

I do, too.

I don't want you talking to him
about anything

having to do
with anything about us.

Same with you.

And I want you
to stop

spying on me
with those binoculars

like you're on some kind
of African safari.

And you cannot talk

to Ira or any of my
ex-boyfriends, for that matter.

This list is getting long.

Maybe we should write it down.

Hey.

In that moment,

I had an epiphany.

I could draw up a contract
for any social relationship.

It was a helpful way
to remove ambiguity

in a world that was often hard
to understand.

Article three...

Sheldon will not spy

on Meemaw's house
with binoculars.

Type that one in bold.

Please sign and date.

You know, Sheldon,
I'm a notary, if that helps.

Just when I thought
you couldn't get cooler.

I would go on

to draw up such contracts
throughout my life...

with roommates,

with my wife.

Even with my own children.