Young Sheldon (2017–…): Season 1, Episode 21 - Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza - full transcript

While Sheldon is busy obsessing over the status of Meemaw's budding relationship with his mentor, Dr. Sturgis, George and Mary attempt to bond with their other kids.

Previously, on Young Sheldon...

I've been corresponding
with Dr. John Sturgis

at East Texas Tech.

He said I could audit
his course.

Connie, I would like
to see you again.

Perhaps we could have
dinner sometime.

Yes, we would love that.

We would?

If they get married,
we immediately double

the number of smart people
in our family.

Hello, Dr. Sturgis.

Hello, Sheldon.

Can you see yourself
living here? I can.

Mmm. Good ratio of hot dog
chunks to spaghetti.

I've been experimenting.
Glad you noticed. Kids!

Wash up for dinner!

Now, who on earth is that?

And don't be picking out
all the chunks.


Sorry I'm a little late.

My pant leg
got stuck in the chain.

Who are you?

I'm John Sturgis.

Sheldon invited me to dinner.


Okay. Um, come in, I guess.



This is for you.

It's cheese and
summer sausages.

Thank you.

Summer sausage means it
doesn't need to be refrigerated.

Is that so?

It is.

Okay. Sheldon?

Dr. Sturgis, welcome.

Thank you, Sheldon.

Sheldon, you think
you might've let me know

you invited company
over for dinner?

I did think about it, but
I was afraid you might say no.

Come see my train set.

All right!

Good Lord.

You mean he just showed up
out of nowhere?

Yep. He's out in the garage
playing trains with Sheldon.

Why's your hair wet?

If you must know,

I was doing my water aerobics,

and my swimming cap fell off.

This Sturgis fella didn't
say a word to you?

If he did, do you think I would
have been doing frog kicks

at the YMCA?

You look great.

O gauge trains
are definitely the best.

O, yes, they are.

Oh, well,
what a pleasant surprise.

Oh, good. You're here, too.

I am.

Are y'all about ready
for dinner?

I am.

Well, then, let's go.

Meemaw, you smell like chlorine.

- Why say it?
- Hmm.

You weren't kidding.

Spaghetti and hot dogs
is delightful.

Even better

since Mom perfected
the chunk ratio.

So, Dr. Sturgis,
Sheldon tells us

you're a guest professor
at the university.

- I am.
- Hmm.

Does that mean that
you're only here temporarily?

Well, that's the plan for now.

But I could be enticed to stay.

Meemaw, I do believe
there was subtext there.

Did you pick up on it?


Was I correct to infer

there was subtext there?

You were.

Okay, we're all good.

I can't believe
they're making me sit and eat

at the kiddie table.

- It's better here.
- How?

We don't have to pray,
eat our vegetables,

and we can curse.

Hmm. Maybe you're right.

Course I am, you ass-face.

Dr. Sturgis,
do you think

we're ever going
to unify gravity

with the other three
fundamental forces?

I have a sticky note
on my refrigerator

which reminds me every day
to do just that.

When did you decide to focus your research

- on quantum...
- Um, Sheldon, I think

you're kind of dominating
the conversation.

Why don't you let your
meemaw talk to Dr. Sturgis.

Oh, I'm sorry. By all means.

Thank you.

- Connie?
- Yes, John.

Do you smell like chlorine
on purpose?

You sure I can't give you
a ride home?

I can throw your bike
in the back of my pickup truck.

Thank you, no.
I-I enjoy the night air.


hot dogs and spaghetti

is a highly caloric event

that demands an aerobic
effort on my part.

Well, it was a pleasure
spending the evening with you.

We should do it again sometime.

Great. When?

How about tomorrow?

You know what,
we'll figure it out.

Come on, let me see you
to your Schwinn.


Good night.

Well, that was
the most stimulating dinner

I've ever had in this house.

Glad you enjoyed it.

That man is a true role model.

Well, it's nice you finally
got a man you can look up to.

Oh, believe me, I know.

You gonna keep it
all bottled up,

- or you want to talk about it?
- What?

I'm fine.

There's nothing to talk about.

- You sure?
- Yeah.

Sweet dreams.

You know you want
to talk about it.

You saw it.

My own son can't even imagine me
being a role model?

How am I supposed to
be okay with that?

You're a role
model for Georgie.

I used to be.

Now he wants to grow up
and be Tony Danza.

Did you forget you
have a daughter

who would really benefit

from having a good
man to look up to?

Oh, dear Lord.

Yo u did forget.

I didn't forget. I just...

I don't know how
to spend time with her.

It ain't rocket
science, George.

She's a little girl.

Ask her what she wants to do,

and then do it with her.

Oh, yeah. I suppose.

Trust me. She'll be thrilled
to spend some time with you.


Yeah, I'll give it a try.

Hey, when we do, you know,
whatever it is she likes to do,

you're gonna be there, right?


Well, this just got harder.




I've been researching things

that you and I can do
with Dr. Sturgis.

There's a lecture tonight

at Rice University called

"What's happening
at the center of our galaxy."

Let me just stop you
right there.

Don't worry. I know
what's happening at the center,

but I would never spoil it
for you.

Look, I know you're invested

in me and John
having a relationship,

and I'm not saying we won't.

But it ain't gonna happen
with you always underfoot.

Have I been underfoot?

Honey, in order for grown-ups

to get to know each other,

they need to have
some alone time.

What if I'm around,
but I took a vow of silence?

Go home and have your breakfast.

And then she said for grown-ups

to get to know each other,

they have to have time alone.

Makes sense. What else?

Apparently my being underfoot
isn't conducive to romance.

This is very helpful.

Thank you.

I'm at your service.

Oh, Celeste, why do you always

fall for bad boys?


Hi, Dad.

What you doing?

Am I in trouble?

No, no.
Just-just checking in on you.


'Cause you're my daughter
and I love you.

This is getting weird.

It is. I was just
thinking that, uh,

you and me, you know,

we don't spend much
time together.

You know, we should
find something to do,

just-just two of us.

- Like what?
- You tell me.

What-what sounds fun?

I'd like to be taken to dinner.

Great. Where?

To the fanciest restaurant
in all of Texas.

Which is...?

Red Lobster,
where the surf meets the turf.

You got it.

Thanks, Dad.

Mom, you got to
take me shopping!

I need a dress!


Connie, this is John Sturgis.

Well, hello, John Sturgis.

How are you?

I chipped a tooth
on a peach pit this morning,

but otherwise, I'm okay.

Good. Good to hear it.

Next order of business.

I would like to have dinner
with you tonight,

just the two of us.

Oh, well, that sounds nice.

What'd you have in mind?

I'd like to come to your house
and cook you a Szechuan feast.

I'm sorry, a what?


It's a style
of Chinese cooking I learned

when I was traveling
through China.

Well, wonderful.
I would love that.

Great. Do you have a wok?

I do not.

Not a problem.

I have a travel wok.


Uh, so, uh,
what do you say about 6:00?

It's a date.


Oh, and, um, let's not
mention this to Sheldon

so as to keep him
from being underfoot.

Have you been talking to him?

I have. See you later.

Do I really need to get
dressed up to go to Red Lobster?

You're getting dressed up
for your daughter.

And that's a new shirt,
so be sure to ask for a bib.


I'm ready.

You're going to
dinner wearing that?

I think you mean
she looks beautiful.

You look beautiful.

Why thank you, George.

How 'bout we stick
with "Dad" tonight?

Okay, but you call me Melissa.

After you, Melissa.

Thanks, George.

Oh, my.

I know, I look like

a Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtle.

Well, come on in.

Sheldon, come in the kitchen
for dinner.

- Can I eat out here?
- Why?

Dr. Sturgis is having
a dinner date with Meemaw.

I don't want to miss it.


During that time,
I saw three cars drive by

and a raccoon dragging
a slice of pizza.

Uh, table for two.

No problem.

Allow me.

You are allowed.

Thank you.

Yes, thank you.

If I may.

So what do you think?

I think we might
be underdressed.

The trick to a successful
Szechuan dinner

is the Szechuan pepper.


Now, you may notice

your lips and tongue
getting numb.

Then why are we eating it?

'Cause it's yummy.


So, what were you doing
wandering around China?

Well, when I'm not doing
research or teaching,

I enjoy taking the
path less traveled.

I'm guessing it's a bike path.

As a matter of fact, it was.

Everybody in China
rides bicycles.

It's fantastic.

- Did you see the Great Wall?
- I did.

Interesting fact:

it's filled with
the dead bodies

of the people
who built it.

You don't say.

Hundreds of thousands of them.

Here, taste.

If it's just the two of us,
why can't I eat watching TV?

'Cause you're having dinner
with your mother

and it's a chance
for us to talk.

Sheldon's having dinner and
looking out the window.

Want me to have him join us?


Then quit complaining.

So what do you
want to talk about?

Um, I don't know.

How's school?

It's school;
it's a turd fest.


Are you dating anyone?

Nah, nobody up to my standards.


Can I ask you
a question?

Course, you can
ask me anything.

Were you pregnant with me
when you married Dad?

Um... why would you ask that?

Sheldon said so.

How would Sheldon know?

- He did the math.
- What math?

He said the time
between my birthday

and your wedding day
was six months.

Um... yeah.

That's because you...

were born premature.

I've seen my birth certificate,

it said I weighed nine pounds.

Yes, that's true.

You were a big fat preemie.

Let's talk about
something else.


'Cause I'd very much like to.

And then Heather B
said she didn't want

to play tetherball
with Heather M anymore.

Wait. Th-There's two Heathers?

Oh, yeah.

Which one's which?

Heather B
is stuck up.

Heather M used
to be stuck up,

but then she got
a scoliosis brace.

Maybe she shouldn't
be playing tetherball.

That's what Heather B said.

This is delicious,

but you were not kidding
about the spice.

I'm about to break
a sweat here.

Well, here's something

you might find interesting.

Spicy food is typically
found in warmer climates

because it
induces sweating,

which in turn,
cools people off.

So what does the runny nose
do for me?

It allows me to, uh,

gallantly offer you
my handkerchief.

You are such a gentleman.

When I was younger,

I read a book
on etiquette.

That's how I know

that if I ever have an
audience at the Vatican,

I should wear evening
attire or a sack coat.

I don't know
what a sack coat is,

but I'm sure
you'd look handsome in it.

Thank you.

You know, it's a long
bike ride at night.

If you want...

you're welcome to stay.

No, it's fine, I-I have
a headlight on my bicycle.

Oh, sure, sure.

Although, I hear
it might rain.

No worries. I have
a pocket poncho.

So you do.


I'm inviting you

to spend the night.


No, thank you.

Don't they make babies
that are born too soon

stay in the hospital?

Normally, yes, but you were born

with such a great head
full of hair

that they sent you home with us.

That's the first thing you've
said that makes sense.

I'm glad we had dinner;
this was nice.

Yeah, fun stuff.

Well, don't want to miss
Who's The Boss.

Lord, forgive me for lying.

I'll tell him the truth
when he's 30. Amen.

Your lobster, madam.

Thank you.

Would you like me
to open it for her?

Oh, I got it, thanks.

- You all right?
- This thing's freaking me out.

Here, let me help you with that.

Here. Okay.

The trick is not
to make eye contact.

Tell him.


All right, now,
we just... snap her off

like that... pop.

Grab this guy here,

and we crack the claw.

And then you take out
a little meat...

dunk it in some butter,

and then you eat it.

Holy moly.

It's good, huh?


I'll leave you to it.

No. Sit with me.


When I grow up, I'm gonna
eat lobster every night.

Well, hon, you better stay in
school and get a good education.

I was thinking I'd
just marry a rich guy.

Sure, that's a way to go.

Or a guy who works
at Red Lobster.

That's another way to go.

You seem quiet.
Is everything okay?

Are you not interested in me?

Of course I am.
I'm very interested.

Then how come when I...

I invited you to spend
the night, I got rejected?

I did do that, didn't I?

Good Lord, yes.

I can explain.

Please do.

I didn't want you
to think that I would think

that you were
the sort of woman

who would engage in coitus

simply because I cooked you
a Szechuan dinner.

It was better
before you explained.

All right, let me try
a different tack.


Oh, boy.

Would you honor me
with an evening

of intimate relations?

Well, that is
a different tack.

This is very promising.

What's happening?

Dr. Sturgis's bike
is still at Meemaw's.


That means he probably is, too.

You need to get a life.

There he is.

Mom, Mom, Mom.

- What's wrong?
- What's going on?

Dr. Sturgis and Meemaw
had their first sleepover.

It's a big step in
their relationship.

I'm going to go
congratulate them.

Hey, put on a jacket,
it's chilly out.

Will do!

Or try saying he can't go.

Oh, never mind,
you can't go!

The last thing
I heard was jacket!