Xena: Warrior Princess (1995–2001): Season 1, Episode 21 - The Greater Good - full transcript

Xena gets poisoned, and Gabrielle must take her place in fighting a warlord and protecting a village and the merchant Salmoneus, a.k.a. Lord Seltzer.

Wanna try it again?

Ok.

I hate it when you do that.
I have to practice.

Not on my horse.

I wish the two of you
would just get along.

It's not like we're at constant war or
anything. Argo doesn't like me.

Sometimes you have to have patience
with things that annoy you.

-I never said she annoyed me.
-I wasn't talking to you.

Oh, funny. Very, very funny.

There's a road on the other side of those
trees. I'll meet you there. Bring Argo.

You go on. We'll catch up.



Be nice.

Make sure
the saddle's tight.

Make sure the saddle's tight?

Hey!

Are you Xena?

Yes.

Thank the gods.

Sorry.

Talmadeus is trying
to take Lord Seltzer.

He's attacking the factory.
You have to save him.

Calm down.
Who's Lord Seltzer?

He's the most wonderful,
giving, unselfish man...

...the gods ever sent
to our valley.

Hey, this is good.



See, I knew we could get along.

Please.

Xena will be so surprised...

You stupid, conniving,
four-foot daughter of a...

...mare?

All right.

We have him!

Talmadeus will reward us all
tonight.

You see, he wanted your
head by nightfall.

It's gonna be the centerpiece
on his dinner table.

Wouldn't he like a
nice bunch of flowers instead?

Orchids are
lovely this time of year.

And I look terrible
with an apple in my mouth.

Burn it down!

Swords!

Xena!

Oh, Xena! A little help here!

Important person being kidnapped!
Hello!

In the time of ancient gods...,

warlords

and kings,

a land in turmoil
cried out for a hero.

She was Xena.

A mighty princess

forged in the heat of battle.

The power.

The passion.

The danger.

Her courage will change the world.

XENA - WARRIOR PRINCESS

To make this work,
we have orders for this water...

-We need back-up...
-You know what this is? It's water.

Fizzy water. He's
making money selling water.

Salmoneus!

Ix-nay on the Almoneus-Say.

Here, I'm known as Lord Seltzer.

Salmoneus. Why
is Talmadeus after you?

He's after my secret elixir.

You see, when I came to this town,
the people had no zip...

No energy. I mean, let's face it...

Their get up and go
just kind of lay there and...

But after my magic elixir,
they felt better.

Productivity went up,
living conditions improved.

-What did you sell to Talmadeus?
-Me? I never sold... I...

All right, one little transaction.

I, I sold him some talcamite
swords and belt buckles.

What's talcamite?

It looks and feels like metal...

...until it gets wet and then it dissolves.

Well, how did I know
it was gonna rain on the big battle?

Anyway, the swords
and belt buckles melted.

-One big, naked defeat?
-It wasn't pretty.

He's not gonna stop until
he has me drawn and quartered.

You've gotta get me out of here, please.

We're not leaving these
people at the mercy of Talmadeus.

He'll kill them all.

Xena, please.

Gorney!

Watch that water pressure, will ya?

If you want something done right,
you gotta buy the right people.

How does he manage to do that?

Stay alive...

He must have a guardian moray
or something.

So, what's the plan?

The plan is to make Talmadeus
realize what he's up against.

Lord Talmadeus.

Where is Salmoneus?

We had him at his
factory when this...

...This woman showed up.

She fought with the strength of
Ares and the speed of Hermes.

Xena?

-I must have Salmoneus.
-Is that wise?

I mean, with Xena in the picture...

What if she wants Salmoneus too?

This man's blood is mine,
not Xena's.

He made defeat out
of certain victory.

He made a fool of my army.
He made a fool of me!

If I have to go through
a dozen Xena's...

...to get my hands
on his scrawny neck...

...I will!

Stay in formation!
Keep your eyes open.

Yes, sir.

Xena!

Something's wrong.

What's happening?

No!

I'm the man who killed Xena!

Ok. Go, Argo.

Go!

Go!

Did you see that?

I had her. I had her!

-Maybe it's a trap.
-No...

I saw the fear in her eyes.

She's run for her life.

This was really a stupid time
to try to keep something from me.

I didn't know how much talmic
poison was on the dart.

It doesn't matter.

If there was even a chance of
your being sick, you should've told me.

-You could've gotten killed!
-Gabrielle...

Yell at me later.

How bad is it?

I still don't know.

My legs are almost useless.

I can't feel my feet.

My arms'll probably
go next.

You're gonna pull through,
right? I mean... It's not...

It's gonna get worse before it gets better.

Ok. I've been thinking about
things and I've made some decisions.

-You have?
-Yes.

Somebody has to take charge.

Someone has to have the initiative
to get us out of this mess.

Somebody has to take command.

Now...

Any ideas where we can
find this person?

We've got the person. Xena's gonna be all right.

Yeah, I know that. You know that.

But Talmadeus has a
different slant on the thing.

He thinks you are...

Well, the way you are.

Then we'll just have to convince him
that I'm ok.

And you propose to do that exactly how?

Oh, no.

So, what do you think?

Ok, so it's a little big.

Well, tighten it for me.

Talmadeus is sure to attack us and
when he does we'll be ready.

When Gabrielle makes her appearance as
me, it should be enough.

So, I just stand there and...

I wave this fake chakram
and give that yell-thingy of yours.

And can you give that yell-thingy?

This is not gonna fool Talmadeus.

See, now that could work.

Salmoneus, go round up your workers.

-We don't have much time.
-Done.

Come here.

Now, Gabrielle, listen carefully.

Now, I know you've been in battles
before, but this one is different.

I want you riding
in and out of there quickly.

Riding? That would mean Argo...
No, she doesn't like me.

She doesn't hate you.

I thought you had
a pony when you were young.

I did. His name was Tympani.

Did you leave Tympani with your sister?

No. Actually, he got
very sick one day and...

Why, I thought he
would get better, but...

It's just what happens with things that you love.

Sometimes they just leave you.

Yes, it's me.

Now, look. We have
to call a truce, ok?

All right. Now, you, stand back.

The gallop whistle.

Argo!

I must have a different definition
for the word gallop.

I thought the whistle was this...

How certain are we
that Xena isn't going to interfere?

You saw what happened.
Talmadeus defeated her.

She's probably
half-way to Athens by now.

What's that noise?

Thought you'd come back for some more, did you?

-Does she seem smaller than before?
-This is your only warning.

Either leave this valley forever,
or suffer the wrath of Xena!

Up, Argo!

Up, Argo!

I always bow to my enemies
before I destroy them.

She's bluffing. Get her!

This is your last warning!

The man who gets her, gets her!
By Talmadeus' orders!

Get her!

Ready!

Get her!

Now!

Shake! Aim!

Fire!

Advance!

Fire!

Retreat!

Xena!

I can't tell you how much we appreciate
what you're doing here.

We don't have much to offer,
but it's all yours for the asking it.

Lord Seltzer means the world to us.

That's ok.

I'm sure Lord Seltzer...

...is more concerned with
his people than with himself.

Indeed, indeed.

Now, I'd like all the corks
stored and inventoried.

Ok? To the cork room.
Very good.

Sweet people...

Not a business brain among 'em.

If you just give me a few moments...

...to make my peace with
the gods, please.

I made sure
the guards were posted.

Good.
Now let's get everybody out of the factory.

Tell them to go home...,

...board up their houses
and stay inside.

Talmadeus' focus right now is here.

Xena, can you just stop thinking
of everybody else for a second?

There's gotta be something
I can do for you.

Don't worry about me.
What did I tell you? Focus.

We've got Talmadeus on his heels.

You need to hit him at his camp.

A direct attack will
really make him cautious.

Take these.

Xena, are you gonna die?

It's not about me.
It's about these people.

That's why we're here.

People like this
used to be my victims.

I keep that in mind every time...

...we come up against
a warlord like Talmadeus.

It's the greater good...

Remember that.

Gabrielle.

If it does happen...

...I want to be taken back home...

...to be buried
next to my brother, Lyceus.

Go on, now.

I'll be here when you get back.

I don't care if she is back.

She's not gonna keep me
from Salmoneus.

I've beaten her once.
I can do it again.

Incoming!

We're under attack!

It's Xena!

Save the weapons!

Don't panic, you fools!

Get organized!

Save my tent first!

Get those guards in position!

You're not Xena!

Where is it?

I hate uninvited guests.

So, it was all a trick...

Xena was covering
for some weakness.

I almost fell for it.

Brilliant.

Maybe you're falling
for it right now.

Maybe my being captured is
the trick. Have you thought about that?

I can't help but
admire your bravery.

Too bad I have to kill you.

You don't have to.

Oh, don't worry...

You'll soon have plenty of
company on Charon's boat.

I'll make it quick.

Yeah!

Kill the horse!

You're not gonna kick me, you stupid horse!

Go!

Go, Argo! Go!

Get the horses!

No! Don't waste the effort.

Oh, somebody konked me.

Xena?

Xena.

This is a trick, right?

Come on.

Proud warrioress...

I will miss you.

-Any word from Kalus?
-No, sir, nothing.

Maybe the Warrior Princess
is still alive.

That's the kind of talk
that paralyzed this army.

That's exactly what Xena wanted.

This entire valley is mine for the taking.

And it's time I started.

Xena!

Xena, we've got trouble.

-Wait a second.
-Salmoneus, get out of my way!

Wait a second!

What?

No.

Ok, there's nothing
we can do here.

We've gotta get out of here.

That's what I think.

What do you think?

If we can move these barrels...

...we can make a defensive wall
that will take days to breech.

-Defense? Breech?
-And when you're done with that...

...gather as much wood as you can,
without leaving the area.

How long can these people
hold out against Talmadeus' army?

Long enough for me to get to Labottie.
I think Iolaus is there.

If you're leaving this valley,
I am coming with you.

I am not gonna be killed.
Talmadeus will do both of us.

This is not about you or me,
Salmoneus. It's about these people.

Now, that's why we're here.
Why Xena was here.

We are staying and fighting for the greater good.

Get to work.

I have to focus.

I have to focus.
Xena said to focus.

All right...
I know what I have to do.

Take me, take Xena,
and let the people go.

You're a man of your word, right?

Just checking.

Now... Where's Xena?

She's at the factory.

She's dead.

Now remember,
we have a deal, right?

Yes, yes, don't worry.

I'm an honorable man, as you say.

Go.

Lead my army to Xena.
Bring her and the villagers here.

When I know she's truly dead,
then I'll let everyone go.

Salmoneus, Xena dead...

...and a whole village of
slaves to be sold.

It's turned out to be a good day.

Ok...

I fulfilled my end of the bargain.

Now make me proud
to have done business with you...

...and let these people go.

Bring out Xena's body.

Who killed Xena?

I don't know.

You don't know?

It's obvious, and soon
the entire world will know.

I killed her.

The great Talmadeus has taken down
the Warrior Princess.

But business is business...

...and a good businessman just
gives what he is given.

You gave me talcamite weapons
and I lost a battle...

I'm giving back.

Now!

Selling these people of yours
to the slavers is good business.

We had a deal!

-Hey!
-Bring out the horses.

Let's tear this carcass
limb from limb.

I like her spirit.

I'm taking my friend and we're leaving.
Got it?

You fight well.
I might ask you to join.

I'm taking her home, to her brother.

I can see you're determined.

Put her on the horse!

Now!

How long do you think
you can keep this up?

The moment your head turns,
the moment your eyes flicker...

...I've got you, and you know it.

You don't even know
how to hold a sword.

You people are pathetic!

Such nobility... Such a complete waste of time.

Tie Xena to the horses.

All right, finish it!

That's Xena's horse!

Kill it!

Xena?

Xena!

Xena!

Don't you ever touch my horse again.

Get her!

Yeah!

Glad to have you back.
Don't you ever do this again.

Gabrielle, we're in the middle of a fight!

Leave!

Go. Run, run.

Quickly!

At least I get my revenge on you.

Think again.

Thank you!

I'm glad you're not dead.
It would have robbed me of this.

Well, it would have saved me from your breath.

I'm glad to see you two
are getting along.

Well, the best of friends are made
in strange situations.

And Argo's ok. I mean,
at least I know she doesn't hate me.

She's still too tall, though.

And I am angry with you.

I mean, I really thought
that you were... You know.

I was.

Talmic poison shuts everything down.

I had to go under with it
just to fight the effects.

I didn't expect
to be under it so long, is all.

You still don't know
who hit you with that dart...

Whoever it was,
sure knew what they were doing.

We just have to figure out why.

Gabrielle.

When you thought I was dead,
you risked your life...

...to try and take me
back home.

It was your last wish.

For all that you've given me,
and all the times that you saved my life...

...I would go to Tatarus and
back just to carry it out.

I used to wonder whether
I'd ever make it back...

Now I know that one way or another
I'm going home one day.

Thank you.

Change the subject.
I'm gonna get all soft on you.

We wouldn't want that, would we?

Subtitles: @marlonrock1986 (^^V^^)