Wrecked (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - The Trial - full transcript

- Previously on "Wrecked"...
- You have got to have ♪ rebound sex. ♪

I am not eating a person!

This is the jungle, Pack. It is...

Eat or be eaten.

Don't you guys see what this is?
It's a sail.

This is our way home.

I was thinking, instead of a boat,

we could use the tarp for shelter.

How about we go ahead
and we ask your island

what they want to do
with the tarp? Yeah?

Well, would you look at this shelter?!



And the tarp fits perfectly!

See, we could make a life here.

What was that?

Owen.

Owen, there's something in
the jungle, man. Wake up.

Danny, it's an old jungle.
It's probably just settling.

What was that?

Something's hurt out there.

- We got to help.
- Hey, hey, no, no!

Hey, no.

Owen, I swore to serve and protect.

Danny, you didn't swear anything.

- You're not a real cop.
- Irregardless.

That's not a real word.



Irregardless...

- What if that was you out there?
- Then I'd be dead.

We're going out.

Danny, no, we are not
going out there, okay?

No. Never. Not in a million years.

Not if you paid me a million dollars!

Do you know how to use that?

The sex whip?

Oh, yeah. I'm deadly with a sex whip.

Just keep your eyes
open. Is the safety off?

Yeah, of course the safety's off.

Did you hear that?

I'm gonna kill you!

Oh, wow. You shot Pack.

Wow.

To think he was out there,

only to come home and get
shot by Danny and Owen.

Do you believe Danny
about what happened?

Hmm. I don't know.

They always seem to be in the
middle of our problems, don't they?

We threw Todd in a pit for a
lot less than shooting a man.

Exactly. What if you'd been shot?

I don't know what we
would have done then.

- What do you mean?
- Well, with your hunting and know-how,

you're invaluable, Karen.

You know,
I think of you as my vice president.

Vice president?

You want me to be your vice president?

Yeah.

Karen, what's...
what's wrong with your eyes?

Those are the nicest things
anyone's ever said to me.

Okay.

Well, it's all true.

Yep.

Now we just need to work
out what to do with Danny.

He needs to be punished,

but if I do it, I'm
afraid people will think

I'm just trying to get back at Owen.

Oh, if only someone else could do it.

Hey, wait. I could do it.

Yes!

No one would ever know it came from you
'cause I'd do it.

It just comes right...

Talk about thinking on your feet.

You are a VP, aren't you?

Oh, hello.

Uh, Steve, can I talk to
you for a moment, privately?

- Right.
- Karen.

Vice president.

Man, I feel so sorry for Pack.

Oh, I know. Me, too, for sure.

I had sex with Chet last night.

What?!

I know, I know.

I know this is not, like,
the time or the place,

but I-I literally have to tell somebody.

Give me all the deets right now.

Well,
it happened just like you said it would.

Hey, Jess!

Hey, do you have the
toenail clippers, man?

My big toe is doing
something real weird.

It doesn't smell good, either,
so I don't know what...

Oh.

My dong popped out. I apologize.

One thing led to another, and then...

What was that?

You shagged it up with the
filthiest hippie I've ever seen?

Right?!

I couldn't be more proud of you.

He is just... He's so just like...

not Todd.

Yes! That's it!

Oh, my God.

We're gonna hang out later.

No.

What? Don't do that.

You're a relationship person.

I mean, have you ever had
a one-night stand before?

Yeah. Once.

And then we dated for seven years.

Mm, I don't want to see you
in another Todd situation.

Steve, I don't want to cause any panic,

but I think Yolonzo
might have Mengshu Fever.

What?

Mengshu Fever, the Red Death.

You've never heard of Mengshu Fever?

Okay, Emma, we haven't all
done two years at foot school.

Seven years of medical school, okay?

It's called the Red Death

because if the patient doesn't
get the proper medication,

he ends up spitting up blood.

Well, I don't see any red on him.

Hey!

I think he looks fine.

Steve, if he has all the other symptoms.

We have to take this seriously.

Otherwise,
it's gonna spread across the island.

I don't want to alarm everyone.
Maybe he's just getting old.

- No.
- Old people get sick.

- What?
- That's their thing.

Since the beginning of time.

I think he'll bounce back.

Oh, my God.

He's gone.

He's gone.

Who's gone, Pack?

What?

If you're talking about Danny,

I'm afraid he's... He's here.

I'm so sorry I shot you, man.

I-I didn't mean to at all.
Just happened so fast.

Danny said that you came at him.
You were acting crazy.

Crazy?

Did you attack Danny?

No. Of course not.

Yes, you did. I was
standing right there.

No, I was in the jungle,

and I was coming out,
and then I saw him,

and I was, like, "Oh,
these guys are my friends,"

and then he shot me with his
gun right here, and he meant it.

No, if anything,
Danny shot him in self-defense.

Oh, come on. What reason
did he have to lie?

I don't.

This is ridiculous.
I was right there. I saw it.

Accident or not, Danny shot Pack,

and he deserves to be punished.

Steve, what should we do?

Well, we're not gonna just let
Steve decide what happens to Danny.

Why not? He's the leader.

Well, because he's
not a dictator, Karen.

If anything, he should have a trial.

You mean with a jury?

Yeah, with a jury. That's right.

In America, we have juries.
We do due process.

- I will defend him.
- Thank you.

Oh, then I will prosecute, hmm?

Fair is fair.

Danny deserves to be thrown in that pit,

or worse.

Oh!

That was a powerful volley of orgasms.

Good for you.

I don't know what just happened.

Thank you.

Hey, I'm gonna go do
yoga a little bit later

if you want to join.

I don't want to toot my own flute,

but I did take a class once, so...

Yeah, that'd be... That'd be cool.

Cool.

Ice that down, and, uh,
maybe I'll see you later?

Okay. Later, babe!

"Babe"? Ugh.

Florence,
I cannot fall into another relationship.

I ca... I can't help myself,
but I cannot do another Todd.

Okay, Ba-Ba-Ba... I have done
this a bajillion times, okay?

- Wow.
- Okay.

To avoid a relationship,
there are two time-honored rules.

Number one... Avoid face time with him.

Half of getting laid is just
being in the same vicinity.

Number two...

Never, ever, ever, ever,ever

be alone with Chet after dark.

- Ever!
- Oh.

It's when you're weakest.

Wait. But how do I limit
face time with him?

The jury!

Oh, yes! Get on the jury.

No one in their right mind
would put that guy on a jury.

Basically, I think that we're all guilty

because of, like, the original sin.

Like, Adam blaming Eve
for his own choice.

But

But also, I don't feel like I
have the right to punish anybody

because punishment is just
living this dang life.

Well, I like Chet for the jury.

Oh. Then we agree.

Chet, you've officially made the cut.

Hey, thank you. Hey, thank you.

You don't... Just sit down.

- Okay.
- You don't need...

Welcome to the jury.

From now until the end of the trial,

you will be sequestered together.

Until you reach a verdict,
you're not going anywhere.

That's so fun.

Well, hello, everyone.

This is our first trial on the island.

We're here today to rule on
the wounding of Pack by Danny.

We'll use standard trial proceedings.

I'm sorry. Standard trial proceedings?

Okay, we are creating
a new society here.

Who's to say what sort of legal
system we should be using?

I just figured we'd do it like on
"Law & Order."

- Yeah.
- Okay. Go for it.

Yeah, I like that show.

Right, now remember,
this is a serious proceeding,

so it should be treated as such.

All right, court is now in session.

People, the case is clear.

There is no proof that
Pack attacked Danny.

There is proof that Danny shot Pack.

And shooting people is a crime.

If it wasn't, I would have put a
bullet in my brother-in-law years ago.

Why is that funny?

Ladies and gentlemen,
did Danny shoot Pack?

Yeah, he did.

But he did it in self-defense.

You guys, I was there that night.

Pack came out of that jungle like...

I'm gonna kill you!

Now look at her face.
Look how scared she is.

Pack, Pack, Pack, Pack, Pack.

You claim that you were lost,

just trying to get home,

and yet...

when we found you that night,
you were covered in blood.

Is that not true?

What happened out there, Pack?
What don't you want us to know?

What was that?

Beats me.

Man, it is creepy as shit out here.

Stop following me, Jerry!

- God damn it!
- Whoa!

Why are you screaming at me, huh?!

After everything I gave to you.

- Put your shirt down!
- No, look at it.

You're not real.

You were just a dead body,
and I was starving,

so I hallucinated a conversation.

That's it!

But you're not starving now,

so then... why am I still
standing here talking to you?

Oh, no.

Pack, that means you've gone crazy.

Oh, no, Pack. You're nuts.

No. Stop doing that voice.
I'm not crazy. I'm very chill.

Buddy, you chowed down on a dead dude,

and now he's standing
here, talking to you.

Shut up! Keep your voice down, Jerry!

♪ Oh, Pack is going crazy ♪

♪ Pack is going crazy ♪

Leave me alone!

I'm gonna kill you!

Why'd you attack Danny?

Yeah, Pack, tell them what you did.

I didn't attack Danny, okay?

Um, I was coming out of
the jungle to see you guys,

to see my family,

and then he shot me,
right here in my shoulder hole,

and I thought he was
supposed to be a cop.

Yeah, yeah, that's a fair point.

Danny is a cop with
extensive firearm training,

and yet he still shot
Pack for no reason.

No reason.

If anything,
he should be judged more harshly.

There's no further questions here, so...

No more, huh?

This is bad. This is really bad.

Okay. I can turn this around.

You gotta trust me.

We've heard a lot of cop talk today,

but, Danny, are you actually
a trained officer of the law?

What are you doing, man?

It's gonna be all right.
Just tell the truth.

I'm not a cop.

What?

I've just been pretending to be one.

All right, order!

I just wanted to help people,

you know, to serve and protect.

Ladies and gentlemen,
this is not a case about a cop.

This is a case

about a civilian that
just wanted to protect us.

Guys, put yourself in
Danny's shoes, okay?

You're alone. It's nighttime.
You're in the jungle.

Something jumps out at you.
It's gonna get you!

It's gonna kill you! You're dead!

Afraid, right?

Wouldn't you defend yourself?

Wouldn't we all?

Hell, yeah, we would!

Hell, yeah, we would!

So, let's do the right thing now,

and let's let this man go free.

That's a great speech.

Okay, let me get this straight.

You're not a police officer?

No, Karen, I am not.

No, you're worse.

You're a liar with a gun!

He lied to us.

Liar with a gun. LWG.

- Objection.
- We trusted him with our gun!

He could have shot any of us!

I say we banish him!

Is this part of your plan?

Nope.

We're just going over the same
material over and over again.

You guys!

We've been at this for hours, okay?

It's Danny. It was an accident.

Unless it wasn't.

I think we should do an eye for an eye,
bullet for bullet.

Holy shit, Roger.

Look, I just plain don't trust Pack.

I'm not saying he's a terrorist,

but what was he doing on our plane?
He might be a terrorist.

No, hey! Man, Pack's my buddy,

and the... the real
terrorist is the gun...

- Okay.
- So why don't we banish the gun?

Look, you're ruining this island,
Cat Stevens! That's what you have here!

Hey, look!

We're clearly not gonna come
to any conclusions tonight,

so why don't we just get some shut-eye,
and we'll start first thing in the morning.

- We're... We're sleeping here?
- Yeah, Missy. We're sequestering.

Number two... Never, ever, ever, ever

be alone with Chet after dark.

I hope you guys like it Au naturel

'cause I sleep in the buff.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

What if there was another way?

A way that ends this now?

Well, has the jury reached a verdict?

We have.

We, the jury,
have decided that Danny's fate...

Shall be decided by Steve.

Are you kidding me right now?

It was the only unanimous
decision we could come to.

I mean, always be sequestering,
like, day and night,

and sleeping together and stuff.

We all trust Steve.

He will do what's best for the island.

You are making him a dictator.

Come on, Owen. It's just Steve.

Yeah, and I'm sure in Germany,

they were like, "Come
on. It's just Adolf!"

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

It's the mustache, isn't it?
That's where the comparison ends.

Maybe that and my love of fine art.

Well, if that's what the,
uh, island has decided,

then so be it.

I'm gonna make a decision.

I'll be back in an hour.

Jessaroni!

- Oh! God. Shit.
- Sorry.

I didn't mean to spook you. I'm sorry.

Chet, we cannot keep doing this, okay?

We-We've got to stop.

Oh, you're developing feelings for me.

What? No.

- No?
- No.

Oh.

Y-You're interested, though,
like, you kind of want to...

- Not really.
- Not really?

No.

Okay, do you... Do you
like me at all, or...

No. no!

I don't like you at all, Chet!

Oh, my God!

You're the worst.

You're not funny. You're not smart.

You're kind of sweaty all the time,

and honestly, I don't understand

most of the weird things that you say,

because...
I-It's not because I don't get it.

It's because it's literally gibberish.

It just... It doesn't make sense, Chet!

- Mm.
- Huh.

So if I don't have feelings for you,

where does that leave us?

This isn't right, Steve.

You just can't stand the idea
of me being in charge, can you?

In charge of what?

You're playing make-believe here.

This is not a real society.

This is just some rock
that we're stuck on

until we can get home.

Owen, this is our reality,
and I'm the leader here.

Well, then, do the
right thing for Danny.

I promise you, I will.

Yolonzo?

Yolonzo!

Yolonzo?

I knew it was Mengshu! Yes!

I am so sorry, Yolonzo, but I knew it.

This was not an easy decision.

It was an honest one.

What we're trying to do here
on this island is difficult.

We're laying the foundation
for a real society

because this is not some
rock we're living on.

This is home.

And when you're at home,
you want to feel safe.

Now, do I think that Danny is dangerous?

No.

Therefore, he will not be banished.

But the fact does remain
that he did lie to us,

and his lie resulted in
a severe injury to Pack.

So therefore, Danny,
I give you three weeks in the pit.

Wow. Great job.

- And, Owen, you'll be joining him.
- What?!

You were complicit in his
lies since the very beginning.

- Makes you an accomplice.
- This is insane.

Just serve the time, Owen.

Do the right thing.

Okay, Steve, how about you
take a big shit into your hands

and then eat it with your own face?

'Cause we're not gonna go in your pit.

A bit foul.

But don't make me think of banishment

because I'm... I'm gonna consider it.

Owen, please,
if we're both in the pit together...

It's okay.

Yeah, you don't have
to consider it, okay?

Because right now,
I'm banishing myself and Danny

because we would rather go live
on the other side of this island

and focus on what's important,
which is getting home.

Once you leave, you can never return.

No, I understand what banishment is

'cause I just banished myself.

- Right.
- Danny, you ready to go?

Daniel, you don't have
to listen to this.

He's... He's confused, I think.

If I was you, I'd stay.

We've got a nice, warm pit here for you.

Okay, let's go.

Holy shit. You are an asshole.

Florence!

Emma?

Good news... I was
right. It was Mengshu.

What? Isn't that awesome?

- Oh, my God.
- Yeah, also, Yolonzo's dead.

Oh.

Oh, my God!

What a shit!

Help!