Would I Lie to You? (2007–…): Season 6, Episode 9 - The Unseen Bits of Series 6 - full transcript
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Good evening and welcome
to a very special edition
of previously unseen clips from
this series of Would I Lie To You?
Joining Lee Mack tonight, Alex
Jones, Jim Carter, Bob Mortimer,
Miranda Hart, Alexander Armstrong,
Kate Humble, Miles Jupp,
Diane Parish, Dr Christian Jessen,
Armando Iannucci and Clare Balding.
And joining David Mitchell tonight,
Jack Whitehall, Richard Madeley,
Gabby Logan, Greg Davis,
Richard Osman, Mel Giedroyc,
Andy Hamilton, Chris Tarrant,
Richard Bacon and Dale Winton.
And so we begin with Round One,
it's Home Truths,
where our panellists each read out
a statement
from the card in front of them.
To make things harder, they've never
seen the card before,
so they've got no idea
what they'll be faced with.
It's up to the opposing team
to sort the fact from the fiction,
and, Richard, you are first up.
My family don't have a swear jar,
we have a bore jar.
Whenever a Madeley says
something dull,
they have to stick a quid in it.
Blimey, have you got
a change machine at home?
LAUGHTER
What do you think, Lee, the Madeley
bore jar, could it be true?
Well, um...
Yeah, we'll go with true.
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
OK, are all the family members
included in this?
- It's a compulsory family scheme,
yeah. - OK.
And who would you say... We know the
answer, but we'll ask it anyway...
- LAUGHTER
- Who would you say
has given the most to the jar?
- Well, me, obviously.
- You've given the most. - Yeah.
- And what do you do with the money?
- Well, I keep it. - YOU keep it?
- It's my system and it's my jar.
- It's your money!
And it's mostly my money,
so I tend to keep it.
So basically, there's a jar full of
money that you've put in, that you
take all the money out and keep.
That is so boring, get a quid in it.
- LAUGHTER
- Is it only family?
If I came to your house and was just
my usual self, would I have to
start overloading it?
Well, for example, if you came in
and started talking about
Not Going Out,
- obviously, you'd have to put
a quid in. - Ooh.
- AUDIENCE: Ooh!
- Trust me, if I was in your house,
- I wouldn't be talking about
NOT going out.
- LAUGHTER
Do you remember the last time
you put a - you, not poor Jack
or Chloe or long-suffering Judy,
the last time that you put a pound
in that jar, what was it for?
I was reading something about fiscal
policy out of the Financial Times,
and Judy said,
after about three seconds, "jar".
Maybe she was agreeing with you
in German.
LAUGHTER
What do you think, Lee Mack?
Miles.
- I think this is true. - Do you?
Yeah, but I do find... I find
Richard intrinsically believable.
LAUGHTER
- So you think Richard's telling the
truth. Kate? - I think it's complete
rubbish. - You think it's a lie? - Yeah.
- I'm going to say not true.
- Going to say it's a lie.
- Richard, were you telling the truth,
or were you telling a lie? - Well, I'm
afraid the answer is deeply boring.
I lied.
APPLAUSE
Bob, you're next.
I have a didgeridoo suspended
from a tree in my back garden
so that when the wind blows
in a particular direction,
it parps soothing sounds of the
outback into my bedroom window.
LAUGHTER
- David's team, what do you think?
- Parps soothing sounds
of the outback?
Yes.
What a poetic way of putting it.
Thank you.
- Um... - Do you genuinely believe that
that particular instrument
makes a parp?
How would you describe it, Greg?
Er-ar er-ar, er-ar...
LAUGHTER
LEE: All do it, audience!
And how soothed do you feel?
Right, everyone stop parping.
I get this every night
in my house, please!
Where is it, Bob, it's in a tree?
- Yeah. - And you've made
a conscious decision to put it
in the tree? - Yeah.
I thought you said it was
hanging from a tree?
What it is is, it's trapped in a V,
I think. Is there a name
for that area of a tree,
- is it called the Clooney
or something? - A Clooney?
LAUGHTER
What's the... George Clooney's
holding a didgeridoo
up a tree in his garden,
why don't you believe this?
This part of your finger there
is called the Clooney.
- Is it? - So I'm assuming...
I never knew that.
That's why I said Clooney.
Where it... And it's wedged there.
It's wedged in the tree's V. Yes.
It's wedged horizontally
in the tree's V facing south east,
- which is the prevailing
wind where - I - live.
Where do you live, not Britain?
- Britain. - No, the prevailing wind
in Britain is south westerly.
It doesn't happen every night.
Right.
LAUGHTER
So tell us what this sound
does for you, then.
You're lying in bed at night
and you've had a lovely day,
you're just settling down,
and you hear...
MAKES DIDGERIDOO NOISE
..and then what, what sort of,
what happens to you?
I'm soothed.
And the mind is soothed. Do you know
you get things that will do the same
thing to, say, your throat?
Yes.
It does it to the mind.
What if your brain's fine?
You don't want to hear that
every time it's windy.
- You're always soothing your brain,
that's what sleep is. - Hence the
- success of the pillow. Yeah.
LAUGHTER
GREG: Can I just say though, Bob,
I've been led to believe by
out-of-work hippies over the years
- that the didgeridoo is an incredibly
difficult instrument to play. - Yeah.
And yet it would appear that all one
has to do is to pass air through it.
LAUGHTER
No, well, you have to
position it correctly,
just as you would have to
over your mouth.
I've done that by utilising
the Clooney in the tree.
You're using the Clooney
of a tree as human lips?
LAUGHTER
Even to get any kind of noise
out of a didgeridoo,
the Clooney - which doesn't exist -
on Bob's tree...
PATSY LAUGHS
..would have to be flesh-like,
- cos an Aboriginal doesn't just go...
- EXHALES HARD
..through it. Cos it's not just
wind, they use their lips.
Very good point, very good point.
LAUGHTER
Just coming up this time of year,
I'll admit it's a lot better.
In fact, I have a wisteria
that grows through the didgeridoo.
DAVID LAUGHS
Of course!
- And when the wisteria
comes into leaf... - Yeah.
..not only does it pipe the wind
towards the didgeridoo,
but it acts as the lips.
LAUGHTER
It's long been said that if
the wind blows in the right
direction through wisteria,
it can play any instrument
in the world.
LAUGHTER
It's time to decide, David.
- OK, we need to make a guess.
- What are you going to say?
Um...
I think it's a lie.
Of course it's a lie.
- We think it's a lie.
- You think it's a lie.
Well, Bob, were you telling the
truth or were you telling a lie?
I was lying.
APPLAUSE
Christian, you're next.
For a prank,
I once set a friend's legs
in plaster casts while he slept.
LAUGHTER
David Mitchell's team.
Do you get to take those materials
home with you, then, when you're at
medical school, or when you're...?
We're not supposed to... Right, were
you at medical school at the time?
..but we do. This would have been...
- Did you say was he
at medical school? - At the time.
- Oh, right, yeah. - No, I am not...
- I thought you were accusing him!
ANDY: Christian, why did you play
this prank on your friend?
Because he'd got blind drunk,
as only medical students can do.
And he was drunk as you were putting
the plaster cast on him, or...?
- He'd actually passed out
by that stage. - Right.
- He was sleeping. - Was it...
Can you get struck off for this?
- No. - Oh, right.
LAUGHTER
- Anyone? - Presumably,
you had to have a plan, didn't you?
You didn't just happen to chance
upon the plaster casting equipment.
Um...
We decided we were going to
plaster him from his ankles
all the way up to his hips,
with his legs apart like that.
LAUGHTER
He never woke up the whole time
you're touching him?
And presumably, right the way up
to the top of his groin.
Have you ever drunk
19 pints of cider?
Yes. All right.
LAUGHTER
Did you first
take his trousers down?
We did, yeah.
Oh, the humiliation.
- Did you take his underpants off
as well? - No, we left the undies on.
And you said, "we".
Who were the accomplices here?
I had mates that were involved.
Name them.
- Matthew, Mark... - Luke and John?
LAUGHTER
Is that the gospel now,
or are you...
- Gospel. - Gospel.
- Andy, did you miss that? I said,
is that the gospel? - Yeah, yeah.
I didn't miss it, Rob.
LAUGHTER
And when he woke up,
what was his reaction?
He thought he'd had a stroke.
- Because he couldn't even...
- Move his legs.
- DAVID: That's very bad
self-diagnosis. - Aah. Poor fella!
LAUGHTER
- David, what are you thinking?
- Um... Andy?
I think the medical student thing,
knowing how their minds work,
I think it might be true.
And you're edging towards...?
I did think it was a lie,
and now I think it might be true.
OK, we'll say it's true.
Say it's true. All right,
Dr Christian, were you telling
the truth,
or were you telling a lie?
- It is true. - Well done.
Xander, you're next.
Last year, I was amused to discover
that in one weekend,
I'd had a curry with Andy Murray,
been bowling with JK Rowling...
LAUGHTER
..and attended an odd party
with Todd Carty.
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
So, David, what do you think?
Well, what a weekend that was!
What was odd about the party?
Where do I begin?
LAUGHTER
Er, the first indication
that it was an odd party...
There were chicken wings that were
brought around, for example,
that everybody dived on,
and it was only when we'd eaten most
of the plate when somebody went,
"Mmm, mmm..." and then,
"This is still quite red,"
and we all noticed
that actually, nothing had really
been cooked at all.
So we were all, er...
We were all dicing with salmonella.
Erm...
There was a husband and wife there
who had the most enormous row...
I mean, it's just, it was a very
odd... So a row and disappointing
food. Yes, disappointing.
This is a normal party.
LAUGHTER
I'm fascinated with the bowling
with Rowling.
Was it the sort of bowling which
ladies of a certain age in white
do in parks?
- No, sir. - Or was it ten pin,
three fingers in the old, and...?
- Ten pin, three fingers, yes.
- Ten pin and three fingers.
LAUGHTER
- Did you have to change from
your normal shoes... - You bet.
- ..into the red, white and blue...
- Yes. - ..sort of comedy bowling shoes?
No, we had purple shoes. This was
the livery of this rather chic...
- It was posh. - ..bowling place.
- It was a posh place.
- Where was the chic bowling place?
- Yeah! - The chic bowling place
was in London's Bayswater.
- Oh, I've been there.
- LEE: I've been there.
- MEL: Are the shoes purple?
LEE: That's where JK Rowling goes.
That one.
- The Rowling alley, as they...
- MEL: What's Jo...
- LAUGHTER
- Let's cut back... - Yeah.
- ..to Murray and curry. - The curry.
We were in this rather large
curry house in Milton Keynes.
CHRIS: Milton Keynes!
Why were you in Milton Keynes
in a large curry house?
- MEL: Yes. Exactly.
- CHRIS: With Andy Murray.
- Yeah.
- MEL: Exactly.
It was a charity event,
after which we went, we repaired,
to a sort of mini Taj Mahal building
in Milton Keynes.
At another table, though,
three people,
who'd been sitting there for quite
a long time, we hadn't noticed,
eventually we spotted
were Andy Murray, Mrs Murray,
and someone who I can only
imagine was his agent.
- And... - Right. - ..we, er,
after a little while, obviously,
felt we'd better go and tell him
he was Andy Murray.
So you went and talked to him?
Well, only to tell him
he was Andy Murray.
LAUGHTER
- So what are you going to say,
David? - Well, I'm...
- Is this true? - ..stuck, you see.
What do you think, Chris?
Well, he's just got a little shifty
little face, hasn't he?
LAUGHTER
So you think basically it's a lie?
I think basically it's a lie.
MEL: You know,
Xander's a man about town,
- he's quite, "Hello..." You know,
I can imagine when the...
- LAUGHTER
I can imagine him
in the purple bowling shoes
and the, you know, the...
Andy Murray, I can imagine that.
At a party with uncooked
chicken wings and Todd Carty...
I can't, I don't know.
- I think it's probably a lie.
- You're saying it's a lie.
Xander. Were you telling the truth,
or were you telling a lie?
It is, in fact...
a lie.
Oh!
APPLAUSE
- BUZZER
- It's David.
Once a week, I love to eat
a full English breakfast,
but can only do so if I am entirely
stripped to the waist.
LAUGHTER
- Lee's team, what do you think?
- Hmm, once a week, you say?
- Yeah. - Any particular
day of the week?
At the weekend,
usually a Saturday or a Sunday.
- I know what the weekend is, David.
- Mmm-hmm.
- DIANE: Do you cook it?
Do you cook it in that state
of undress, or do you get undressed
once it's cooked?
I... I get undressed
once it's cooked.
LAUGHTER
Only... I mean, there's a limit to
the amount of undressing required,
I mean, I take my top off.
Boxers, or...?
No, it's... I think it's waist up,
I think he said.
- Oh! - Yes. - Waist up.
It would be odd if he had
a breakfast...
and from the waist down,
he stripped naked.
That would be odd if you went round
to his house, said, "Thank you,
David, for the sausage and beans."
"We're not done yet."
Yeah.
LAUGHTER
No, that's...
Get them off.
Are none of you going to ask why?
- CHRISTIAN: I'm about to ask.
- GABBY: Oh, good.
What on God's earth function
does taking your top off
play in this breakfast?
- In many ways, I've lost a lot of
self respect... - You have.
..over the years, and sometimes,
I like to wallow in that.
LAUGHTER
In that case, we think it's true.
LAUGHTER
I do find there's a certain
amount of splatter
involved in the eating of
a full English breakfast.
Is this getting sexual?
Not from my point of view.
LAUGHTER
Is this on your own,
or would someone join you?
I... More usually, on my own,
but I wouldn't...
- ROB LAUGHS
- Would you like someone to join you?
- I don't think so, really.
- I'm not offering.
LAUGHTER
Can I ask a question? Gabby,
do you like a fried breakfast?
LAUGHTER
- David is this... - Hang on. - Sorry.
LAUGHTER
Is this for practical reasons, as
you say, just to stop the splashing,
or is it a lovely
sense of liberation?
I think it's partly practical.
Partly, yes, of course,
you feel closer to nature.
LAUGHTER
So what are you thinking, Lee,
what are you going to say,
is he telling the truth here?
- Christian, what do you think,
do you eat with your clothes on?
- I do, I do.
You don't strip off for any reason
to do with eating?
No, not really.
Do you think he does?
LAUGHTER
Having got to know David
during the course of this evening,
I rather suspect he does.
LAUGHTER
Diane, do you?
Do I? No, I do not, no.
No, I mean... Oh! Sorry.
I was going to say do you believe...
LAUGHTER
I was going to say do you believe
it? I wasn't taking the opportunity
to go, do you have fry-ups,
do you want to come round my house,
will you take your top off?
I wasn't going to say that.
Of course not. I was thinking it.
I was absolutely thinking it.
I'd never've said it out loud,
but now you've brought it up...
Do you want to come round on Sunday?
I've got Birds Eye Potato Waffles.
LAUGHTER
- Do you think David is telling
the truth, or do you...?
- I think he's telling the truth.
- I think David's a well brought up,
educated chap. - Yes.
He'd never do anything
quite so stupid.
- Never. He'd have breakfast
in a bow tie. - So it's not true.
- I'm on lie now, yeah. OK.
We have to go with lie, then.
- You're going to say lie.
- David, truth or lie?
- Please don't be true.
It is a lie.
- Thank God for that.
- APPLAUSE
Next, it's Jim.
After being knocked unconscious
by a Frisbee for three days,
I could only speak in
a thick Scottish accent.
LAUGHTER
- David's team. - Oh...
Bit harsh, though, just cos you're
Scottish, doesn't mean you're thick,
does it?
LAUGHTER
So what was the occasion of
being hit by the Frisbee?
I was playing with my daughter
and her friends,
and we were playing Frisbee,
you know,
with a bunch of people,
and this young lad just let it go,
and it just caught me
right on the side of the head.
- Er... - Did you pass out first?
- Well, I... No, I...
Well, I don't know, really.
I went sort of strange
and I had to sit down,
but I don't think I physically...
So you sat down,
feeling a bit dizzy.
- Head between my knees. - You sat down
and at some point, someone asked,
how are you feeling?
And you found yourself answering...
I think I said,
"I'll tak' the high road
"and you tak' the low road
and I'll..." And that was...
Was it just the voice,
or for the next three days,
did you not eat lettuce
and loathe the English as well?
LAUGHTER
ARMANDO: Some of us do eat lettuce.
Yeah.
In fact, I went up to the, erm,
the Accident and Emergency,
and somebody there when they met me,
and was convinced by my wife,
who took me there,
that I wasn't Scottish, said...
tried to calm me down and said,
"It will go away."
Your wife needed to be there to
persuade, just to say, "I'm sorry,
he's not really Scottish."
Cos they get a lot of people who are
just Scottish but want to be cured.
LAUGHTER
Frisbees are dangerous things.
I took my son out, my oldest son,
when he was about five or six,
to a field area - a field -
and I said...
LAUGHTER
..I said, "Stand there, we are going
to enjoy the Frisbee."
So he stood over there...
- I wish you were my dad! - And I...
LAUGHTER
What I hadn't told him was that
he was meant to catch the Frisbee.
So he stood there full of the trust
of a trusting son, like that,
and I did a great throw...
You know when you straighten
the arm, so it goes...?
And it went, "Tssh," and he looked
at it with a lovely innocent face...
- LAUGHTER
- ..and it went, "Bang!"
There. And blood went, "Psh!"
And the shock on his face that
his father had done this to him.
LAUGHTER
IN SCOTTISH ACCENT: "What the hell
have you done, you idiot?!"
LAUGHTER
- So what are you thinking, David?
- Well, I...
EMILY: Oh, totally true.
Well, I... Well, this is my concern.
Jim has very reasonably
been reticent
about doing a Scottish accent
in this bit of the game.
I suspect, and maybe I'm wrong,
and Jim can prove me wrong,
or otherwise.
But I don't think
that he necessarily
does a very convincing
Scottish accent.
- Ooh... - Jim Carter can't do
a Scottish accent?
Well, because lots of people
can't do various accents,
lots of very good actors
can't do certain accents.
And I think it would be unlikely
that the accent you'd get
if concussed
would be one that you
couldn't previously do.
- I disagree with that entirely.
- Do you? - Yeah.
Well, get your own team.
LAUGHTER
Just give us a little taste
of this voice,
if you can use the great...
- Use your tool, your great
actor's tool... - My tool, yes.
..to give us a little bit of
this voice.
IN SCOTTISH ACCENT: I don't...
I don't feel very well,
I think I'm a bit, a bit woozy.
LAUGHTER
That's lovely, isn't it?
It's Radio 4, it's
Saturday afternoon, it's a play.
All right, so, David, truth or lie,
what are you going to say?
Um, what do you think?
- I think it's true. - You think it's
true? - I'll take the hit. - I think it
might be true.
I... Well...
OK, I think we're going to say
it's true, then.
Jim Carter, were you telling
the truth or were you lying?
Er...
I was telling a lie.
- Oh...
- APPLAUSE
Who'd have thought that?
Erm... Next.
- BUZZER
- It's Lee.
I got stuck for half an hour
in a men's toilet
because I couldn't find the door.
LAUGHTER
So where was this men's toilet?
- Next to the ladies'.
- LAUGHTER
Were you on your own?
Yes.
LAUGHTER
And where was the...?
- Apart from somebody singing some
Wham! song, I don't know who he was.
- LAUGHTER
And where was this ladies' toilet
that it was next to?
It was in the place I worked at,
which was a bingo hall.
RICHARD: And so presumably,
you'd managed to find the door
on the way in?
- No.
- LAUGHTER
Without being facetious.
Oh, I didn't do THAT.
You found the door.
I stood up...
LAUGHTER
You found the door on the way in.
I did find the door on the way in.
You took a number one, number two?
No, I walked, I didn't get a bus.
LAUGHTER
- You've popped into the toilet. - Yes.
It doesn't really matter
what you've gone to do.
Well, I think what does matter
is whether or not he'd gone
into a cubicle,
- or was just approaching a urinal.
- Yes, that's a good question.
- And how long it took you.
Given you'd just walked through the
door that then you couldn't find.
- Walked in the door,
I went to the urinal... - Yeah.
The door closed,
and then I'm now stuck
in that toilet for half an hour.
Why was it that you couldn't find
the door once it had closed?
Because I went in,
and it was late at night,
and the building had started
to shut down,
and so I went in,
and just as I got to the urinal,
the last bit of the door closes,
and it's now as pitch black
as you can possibly imagine.
The other bit to the story
I've not mentioned
is that I was absolutely hammered.
LAUGHTER
And so... So I started
getting a bit confused.
I went back to what I thought was
the middle of the room,
I'm drunk, but now I've lost
all bearings...
- DAVID LAUGHS
- And so I felt my... - I wish...
I really wish this was on infra-red
somewhere.
LAUGHTER
I was... There was a guy
with a video camera,
the Wham! guy, funnily enough.
LAUGHTER
And eventually, a door opened,
cos someone came looking for me,
and as the door opened, I realised
I'd lost my bearings so much
that I just... Every time I'd
gone round, I'd missed the door.
I think that this is true.
- You think it's true? - Yeah. I'm not
sure, I think it's where he worked,
- and I think there's going to be
some light bleeding around a door,
isn't there? - Do you...
You don't think it's true?
No, but if you both do...
It's definitely unlikely,
but all the things are unlikely.
You think it's unlike Lee?
- LAUGHTER
- Unlike...
I just... I don't know,
I just think it's true,
and I think it's well told
if it isn't.
- All right, so it's true. - Yeah. - OK.
Lee, truth or lie?
It is in fact true.
APPLAUSE
Clare Balding.
To win a bet, I presented
a three-minute piece to camera,
live from Royal Ascot,
in a full-length evening gown,
with Willie Carson
concealed beneath my skirts.
LAUGHTER
For people that aren't sure,
here's a picture.
LAUGHTER
There we are.
- Whose idea was the bet?
- The director.
We've come off air, I put on
the long ballgown, Willie waits...
He stands on a box when he's
presenting with me normally.
Obviously, to fit under my skirts,
he didn't.
In fact, he knelt, and he was quiet
as a mouse, he was very good.
LAUGHTER
No-one's said it yet,
I wanted to say it.
What, sorry, Miranda, what was that?
I wanted to say
there was a Willie under her skirt.
LAUGHTER
Now it's out there,
now it's out there.
- I'd like to request someone
more mature on my team.
- LAUGHTER
DAVID: I mean, I know Willie Carson
is not a burly man...
- No, he's... - But I still think, that
must be quite a substantial dress.
It was a very, you know, like...
As you sometimes get in
costume dramas. It didn't have the
hoops, but it had a very full skirt.
- But how did he get in, though?
Were you stood there? - I stood...
- Did you go, "Come on, Willie"?
- LAUGHTER
Well, he crawled along on the ground
and then knelt under there,
and it's a three-minute piece,
so the first two minutes
was absolutely fine,
and on I went, and rattled on
about normal racing stuff,
and then he started to giggle,
and that's what gave it away,
- but because we got two of the three
minutes, the bet was won.
- Recreate the piece to camera.
OK, so I stand there and I say,
"Hello and welcome to Royal Ascot,
"we've had a stunning first day here
with a win for Frankie Dettori.
"We saw his flying dismount..."
And then this first squeak then,
from Willie... He goes...
SHE SQUEAKS
Cos he's got a very high laugh.
And I, like, smacked him
and said, stop.
LAUGHTER
- Is this why Channel Four
have got the horse racing? - Probably.
- Right, David, what do you think?
- What do you think, Dale?
Do you know,
I'm really beginning to believe
that she'd have done it for a prank.
I think it was an excellent
acting performance,
but I believe it to be a lie.
Oh, you see,
now I have to make the decision.
- LAUGHTER
- But I think it's a lie.
- You think it's a lie?
- I think that's... Yeah. - OK, Clare.
- Were you telling the truth,
or were you telling a lie?
- I was telling the...
It was a lie.
THEY LAUGH
APPLAUSE
- BUZZER
- Er... It's me.
I recently had to be rescued
by supermarket staff
after I fell into the chest freezer,
trying to reach the last packet
of Yorkshire puddings.
LAUGHTER
So you've fallen in.
- Yes. - Talk us through the next bit.
Look, imagine, right,
imagine that this...
Imagine this...
This is the freezer, OK?
Right.
So I am here, and I'm looking,
and I'm looking round,
there's nobody, so I just...
Ah, yes.
Oh, OK.
I'm going like that.
- I'm going like that, and I'm going,
and I'm going... - He's in!
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
And I'm in.
And I'm like that.
- And I hit my hand on the kind of
sharp inner edge... - Right.
And I went...
And first of all, I went, "Aah!"
And people... People kind of...
So you just stay lying down?
Well, I was shocked, Lee!
LAUGHTER
And as I...
My little head peeked up...
LAUGHTER
..over the top,
and some people, some Welsh people -
cos it was Cardiff -
came over and said,
"Are you all right?"
So... And they, they kind of...
You know, I could have got out.
But they sort of helped me up,
and, you know, I think they were
worried I was going to make a claim.
LAUGHTER
Were you tempted to stay in there
until someone came to get something,
and suddenly go, "Agh"?
- LAUGHTER
- So what do you think?
The bit of the story
I don't think is true
is the bit when
he started talking...
- LAUGHTER
- ..up until the point when he just
stopped talking then.
It's the fact that he sort of went,
"Ooh..."
IN WELSH ACCENT: "I've cut my hand,
I can't get up, I'm Rob Brydon."
Well, that's not strictly
what I said.
I said I looked at my hand
with shock,
and then somebody ran over
straightaway.
I don't think it would take
that long for attention to be...
There would have been
a sort of thru-bump kind of noise,
and people would have looked round
and noticed that the small man
who'd previously been there
had somehow disappeared,
and then naturally have wondered
where he may have gone to.
- LAUGHTER
I think it's true...
- Yeah, I think it's true.
..because it's quite a humiliating
story, and I don't see why you'd
tell it unless it was true.
Er... The format of the show?
LAUGHTER
- Yeah... - "I don't see why you'd
tell it if it wasn't true"?
LAUGHTER
Andy, I really think you've been
missing something this evening.
LAUGHTER
- So, David what are you saying?
Given what... - I think we've...
- ..Poirot has said here.
- I think we think it's true.
- You think it's true? - Yeah.
You think it's a lie.
Well, I can tell you, it is...
a lie.
ALL: Aah...
APPLAUSE
BUZZER
Well, that's all we've got time for
on this special edition of
Would I Lie To You?
Thank you for watching, goodnight.
APPLAUSE
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
Good evening and welcome
to a very special edition
of previously unseen clips from
this series of Would I Lie To You?
Joining Lee Mack tonight, Alex
Jones, Jim Carter, Bob Mortimer,
Miranda Hart, Alexander Armstrong,
Kate Humble, Miles Jupp,
Diane Parish, Dr Christian Jessen,
Armando Iannucci and Clare Balding.
And joining David Mitchell tonight,
Jack Whitehall, Richard Madeley,
Gabby Logan, Greg Davis,
Richard Osman, Mel Giedroyc,
Andy Hamilton, Chris Tarrant,
Richard Bacon and Dale Winton.
And so we begin with Round One,
it's Home Truths,
where our panellists each read out
a statement
from the card in front of them.
To make things harder, they've never
seen the card before,
so they've got no idea
what they'll be faced with.
It's up to the opposing team
to sort the fact from the fiction,
and, Richard, you are first up.
My family don't have a swear jar,
we have a bore jar.
Whenever a Madeley says
something dull,
they have to stick a quid in it.
Blimey, have you got
a change machine at home?
LAUGHTER
What do you think, Lee, the Madeley
bore jar, could it be true?
Well, um...
Yeah, we'll go with true.
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
OK, are all the family members
included in this?
- It's a compulsory family scheme,
yeah. - OK.
And who would you say... We know the
answer, but we'll ask it anyway...
- LAUGHTER
- Who would you say
has given the most to the jar?
- Well, me, obviously.
- You've given the most. - Yeah.
- And what do you do with the money?
- Well, I keep it. - YOU keep it?
- It's my system and it's my jar.
- It's your money!
And it's mostly my money,
so I tend to keep it.
So basically, there's a jar full of
money that you've put in, that you
take all the money out and keep.
That is so boring, get a quid in it.
- LAUGHTER
- Is it only family?
If I came to your house and was just
my usual self, would I have to
start overloading it?
Well, for example, if you came in
and started talking about
Not Going Out,
- obviously, you'd have to put
a quid in. - Ooh.
- AUDIENCE: Ooh!
- Trust me, if I was in your house,
- I wouldn't be talking about
NOT going out.
- LAUGHTER
Do you remember the last time
you put a - you, not poor Jack
or Chloe or long-suffering Judy,
the last time that you put a pound
in that jar, what was it for?
I was reading something about fiscal
policy out of the Financial Times,
and Judy said,
after about three seconds, "jar".
Maybe she was agreeing with you
in German.
LAUGHTER
What do you think, Lee Mack?
Miles.
- I think this is true. - Do you?
Yeah, but I do find... I find
Richard intrinsically believable.
LAUGHTER
- So you think Richard's telling the
truth. Kate? - I think it's complete
rubbish. - You think it's a lie? - Yeah.
- I'm going to say not true.
- Going to say it's a lie.
- Richard, were you telling the truth,
or were you telling a lie? - Well, I'm
afraid the answer is deeply boring.
I lied.
APPLAUSE
Bob, you're next.
I have a didgeridoo suspended
from a tree in my back garden
so that when the wind blows
in a particular direction,
it parps soothing sounds of the
outback into my bedroom window.
LAUGHTER
- David's team, what do you think?
- Parps soothing sounds
of the outback?
Yes.
What a poetic way of putting it.
Thank you.
- Um... - Do you genuinely believe that
that particular instrument
makes a parp?
How would you describe it, Greg?
Er-ar er-ar, er-ar...
LAUGHTER
LEE: All do it, audience!
And how soothed do you feel?
Right, everyone stop parping.
I get this every night
in my house, please!
Where is it, Bob, it's in a tree?
- Yeah. - And you've made
a conscious decision to put it
in the tree? - Yeah.
I thought you said it was
hanging from a tree?
What it is is, it's trapped in a V,
I think. Is there a name
for that area of a tree,
- is it called the Clooney
or something? - A Clooney?
LAUGHTER
What's the... George Clooney's
holding a didgeridoo
up a tree in his garden,
why don't you believe this?
This part of your finger there
is called the Clooney.
- Is it? - So I'm assuming...
I never knew that.
That's why I said Clooney.
Where it... And it's wedged there.
It's wedged in the tree's V. Yes.
It's wedged horizontally
in the tree's V facing south east,
- which is the prevailing
wind where - I - live.
Where do you live, not Britain?
- Britain. - No, the prevailing wind
in Britain is south westerly.
It doesn't happen every night.
Right.
LAUGHTER
So tell us what this sound
does for you, then.
You're lying in bed at night
and you've had a lovely day,
you're just settling down,
and you hear...
MAKES DIDGERIDOO NOISE
..and then what, what sort of,
what happens to you?
I'm soothed.
And the mind is soothed. Do you know
you get things that will do the same
thing to, say, your throat?
Yes.
It does it to the mind.
What if your brain's fine?
You don't want to hear that
every time it's windy.
- You're always soothing your brain,
that's what sleep is. - Hence the
- success of the pillow. Yeah.
LAUGHTER
GREG: Can I just say though, Bob,
I've been led to believe by
out-of-work hippies over the years
- that the didgeridoo is an incredibly
difficult instrument to play. - Yeah.
And yet it would appear that all one
has to do is to pass air through it.
LAUGHTER
No, well, you have to
position it correctly,
just as you would have to
over your mouth.
I've done that by utilising
the Clooney in the tree.
You're using the Clooney
of a tree as human lips?
LAUGHTER
Even to get any kind of noise
out of a didgeridoo,
the Clooney - which doesn't exist -
on Bob's tree...
PATSY LAUGHS
..would have to be flesh-like,
- cos an Aboriginal doesn't just go...
- EXHALES HARD
..through it. Cos it's not just
wind, they use their lips.
Very good point, very good point.
LAUGHTER
Just coming up this time of year,
I'll admit it's a lot better.
In fact, I have a wisteria
that grows through the didgeridoo.
DAVID LAUGHS
Of course!
- And when the wisteria
comes into leaf... - Yeah.
..not only does it pipe the wind
towards the didgeridoo,
but it acts as the lips.
LAUGHTER
It's long been said that if
the wind blows in the right
direction through wisteria,
it can play any instrument
in the world.
LAUGHTER
It's time to decide, David.
- OK, we need to make a guess.
- What are you going to say?
Um...
I think it's a lie.
Of course it's a lie.
- We think it's a lie.
- You think it's a lie.
Well, Bob, were you telling the
truth or were you telling a lie?
I was lying.
APPLAUSE
Christian, you're next.
For a prank,
I once set a friend's legs
in plaster casts while he slept.
LAUGHTER
David Mitchell's team.
Do you get to take those materials
home with you, then, when you're at
medical school, or when you're...?
We're not supposed to... Right, were
you at medical school at the time?
..but we do. This would have been...
- Did you say was he
at medical school? - At the time.
- Oh, right, yeah. - No, I am not...
- I thought you were accusing him!
ANDY: Christian, why did you play
this prank on your friend?
Because he'd got blind drunk,
as only medical students can do.
And he was drunk as you were putting
the plaster cast on him, or...?
- He'd actually passed out
by that stage. - Right.
- He was sleeping. - Was it...
Can you get struck off for this?
- No. - Oh, right.
LAUGHTER
- Anyone? - Presumably,
you had to have a plan, didn't you?
You didn't just happen to chance
upon the plaster casting equipment.
Um...
We decided we were going to
plaster him from his ankles
all the way up to his hips,
with his legs apart like that.
LAUGHTER
He never woke up the whole time
you're touching him?
And presumably, right the way up
to the top of his groin.
Have you ever drunk
19 pints of cider?
Yes. All right.
LAUGHTER
Did you first
take his trousers down?
We did, yeah.
Oh, the humiliation.
- Did you take his underpants off
as well? - No, we left the undies on.
And you said, "we".
Who were the accomplices here?
I had mates that were involved.
Name them.
- Matthew, Mark... - Luke and John?
LAUGHTER
Is that the gospel now,
or are you...
- Gospel. - Gospel.
- Andy, did you miss that? I said,
is that the gospel? - Yeah, yeah.
I didn't miss it, Rob.
LAUGHTER
And when he woke up,
what was his reaction?
He thought he'd had a stroke.
- Because he couldn't even...
- Move his legs.
- DAVID: That's very bad
self-diagnosis. - Aah. Poor fella!
LAUGHTER
- David, what are you thinking?
- Um... Andy?
I think the medical student thing,
knowing how their minds work,
I think it might be true.
And you're edging towards...?
I did think it was a lie,
and now I think it might be true.
OK, we'll say it's true.
Say it's true. All right,
Dr Christian, were you telling
the truth,
or were you telling a lie?
- It is true. - Well done.
Xander, you're next.
Last year, I was amused to discover
that in one weekend,
I'd had a curry with Andy Murray,
been bowling with JK Rowling...
LAUGHTER
..and attended an odd party
with Todd Carty.
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
So, David, what do you think?
Well, what a weekend that was!
What was odd about the party?
Where do I begin?
LAUGHTER
Er, the first indication
that it was an odd party...
There were chicken wings that were
brought around, for example,
that everybody dived on,
and it was only when we'd eaten most
of the plate when somebody went,
"Mmm, mmm..." and then,
"This is still quite red,"
and we all noticed
that actually, nothing had really
been cooked at all.
So we were all, er...
We were all dicing with salmonella.
Erm...
There was a husband and wife there
who had the most enormous row...
I mean, it's just, it was a very
odd... So a row and disappointing
food. Yes, disappointing.
This is a normal party.
LAUGHTER
I'm fascinated with the bowling
with Rowling.
Was it the sort of bowling which
ladies of a certain age in white
do in parks?
- No, sir. - Or was it ten pin,
three fingers in the old, and...?
- Ten pin, three fingers, yes.
- Ten pin and three fingers.
LAUGHTER
- Did you have to change from
your normal shoes... - You bet.
- ..into the red, white and blue...
- Yes. - ..sort of comedy bowling shoes?
No, we had purple shoes. This was
the livery of this rather chic...
- It was posh. - ..bowling place.
- It was a posh place.
- Where was the chic bowling place?
- Yeah! - The chic bowling place
was in London's Bayswater.
- Oh, I've been there.
- LEE: I've been there.
- MEL: Are the shoes purple?
LEE: That's where JK Rowling goes.
That one.
- The Rowling alley, as they...
- MEL: What's Jo...
- LAUGHTER
- Let's cut back... - Yeah.
- ..to Murray and curry. - The curry.
We were in this rather large
curry house in Milton Keynes.
CHRIS: Milton Keynes!
Why were you in Milton Keynes
in a large curry house?
- MEL: Yes. Exactly.
- CHRIS: With Andy Murray.
- Yeah.
- MEL: Exactly.
It was a charity event,
after which we went, we repaired,
to a sort of mini Taj Mahal building
in Milton Keynes.
At another table, though,
three people,
who'd been sitting there for quite
a long time, we hadn't noticed,
eventually we spotted
were Andy Murray, Mrs Murray,
and someone who I can only
imagine was his agent.
- And... - Right. - ..we, er,
after a little while, obviously,
felt we'd better go and tell him
he was Andy Murray.
So you went and talked to him?
Well, only to tell him
he was Andy Murray.
LAUGHTER
- So what are you going to say,
David? - Well, I'm...
- Is this true? - ..stuck, you see.
What do you think, Chris?
Well, he's just got a little shifty
little face, hasn't he?
LAUGHTER
So you think basically it's a lie?
I think basically it's a lie.
MEL: You know,
Xander's a man about town,
- he's quite, "Hello..." You know,
I can imagine when the...
- LAUGHTER
I can imagine him
in the purple bowling shoes
and the, you know, the...
Andy Murray, I can imagine that.
At a party with uncooked
chicken wings and Todd Carty...
I can't, I don't know.
- I think it's probably a lie.
- You're saying it's a lie.
Xander. Were you telling the truth,
or were you telling a lie?
It is, in fact...
a lie.
Oh!
APPLAUSE
- BUZZER
- It's David.
Once a week, I love to eat
a full English breakfast,
but can only do so if I am entirely
stripped to the waist.
LAUGHTER
- Lee's team, what do you think?
- Hmm, once a week, you say?
- Yeah. - Any particular
day of the week?
At the weekend,
usually a Saturday or a Sunday.
- I know what the weekend is, David.
- Mmm-hmm.
- DIANE: Do you cook it?
Do you cook it in that state
of undress, or do you get undressed
once it's cooked?
I... I get undressed
once it's cooked.
LAUGHTER
Only... I mean, there's a limit to
the amount of undressing required,
I mean, I take my top off.
Boxers, or...?
No, it's... I think it's waist up,
I think he said.
- Oh! - Yes. - Waist up.
It would be odd if he had
a breakfast...
and from the waist down,
he stripped naked.
That would be odd if you went round
to his house, said, "Thank you,
David, for the sausage and beans."
"We're not done yet."
Yeah.
LAUGHTER
No, that's...
Get them off.
Are none of you going to ask why?
- CHRISTIAN: I'm about to ask.
- GABBY: Oh, good.
What on God's earth function
does taking your top off
play in this breakfast?
- In many ways, I've lost a lot of
self respect... - You have.
..over the years, and sometimes,
I like to wallow in that.
LAUGHTER
In that case, we think it's true.
LAUGHTER
I do find there's a certain
amount of splatter
involved in the eating of
a full English breakfast.
Is this getting sexual?
Not from my point of view.
LAUGHTER
Is this on your own,
or would someone join you?
I... More usually, on my own,
but I wouldn't...
- ROB LAUGHS
- Would you like someone to join you?
- I don't think so, really.
- I'm not offering.
LAUGHTER
Can I ask a question? Gabby,
do you like a fried breakfast?
LAUGHTER
- David is this... - Hang on. - Sorry.
LAUGHTER
Is this for practical reasons, as
you say, just to stop the splashing,
or is it a lovely
sense of liberation?
I think it's partly practical.
Partly, yes, of course,
you feel closer to nature.
LAUGHTER
So what are you thinking, Lee,
what are you going to say,
is he telling the truth here?
- Christian, what do you think,
do you eat with your clothes on?
- I do, I do.
You don't strip off for any reason
to do with eating?
No, not really.
Do you think he does?
LAUGHTER
Having got to know David
during the course of this evening,
I rather suspect he does.
LAUGHTER
Diane, do you?
Do I? No, I do not, no.
No, I mean... Oh! Sorry.
I was going to say do you believe...
LAUGHTER
I was going to say do you believe
it? I wasn't taking the opportunity
to go, do you have fry-ups,
do you want to come round my house,
will you take your top off?
I wasn't going to say that.
Of course not. I was thinking it.
I was absolutely thinking it.
I'd never've said it out loud,
but now you've brought it up...
Do you want to come round on Sunday?
I've got Birds Eye Potato Waffles.
LAUGHTER
- Do you think David is telling
the truth, or do you...?
- I think he's telling the truth.
- I think David's a well brought up,
educated chap. - Yes.
He'd never do anything
quite so stupid.
- Never. He'd have breakfast
in a bow tie. - So it's not true.
- I'm on lie now, yeah. OK.
We have to go with lie, then.
- You're going to say lie.
- David, truth or lie?
- Please don't be true.
It is a lie.
- Thank God for that.
- APPLAUSE
Next, it's Jim.
After being knocked unconscious
by a Frisbee for three days,
I could only speak in
a thick Scottish accent.
LAUGHTER
- David's team. - Oh...
Bit harsh, though, just cos you're
Scottish, doesn't mean you're thick,
does it?
LAUGHTER
So what was the occasion of
being hit by the Frisbee?
I was playing with my daughter
and her friends,
and we were playing Frisbee,
you know,
with a bunch of people,
and this young lad just let it go,
and it just caught me
right on the side of the head.
- Er... - Did you pass out first?
- Well, I... No, I...
Well, I don't know, really.
I went sort of strange
and I had to sit down,
but I don't think I physically...
So you sat down,
feeling a bit dizzy.
- Head between my knees. - You sat down
and at some point, someone asked,
how are you feeling?
And you found yourself answering...
I think I said,
"I'll tak' the high road
"and you tak' the low road
and I'll..." And that was...
Was it just the voice,
or for the next three days,
did you not eat lettuce
and loathe the English as well?
LAUGHTER
ARMANDO: Some of us do eat lettuce.
Yeah.
In fact, I went up to the, erm,
the Accident and Emergency,
and somebody there when they met me,
and was convinced by my wife,
who took me there,
that I wasn't Scottish, said...
tried to calm me down and said,
"It will go away."
Your wife needed to be there to
persuade, just to say, "I'm sorry,
he's not really Scottish."
Cos they get a lot of people who are
just Scottish but want to be cured.
LAUGHTER
Frisbees are dangerous things.
I took my son out, my oldest son,
when he was about five or six,
to a field area - a field -
and I said...
LAUGHTER
..I said, "Stand there, we are going
to enjoy the Frisbee."
So he stood over there...
- I wish you were my dad! - And I...
LAUGHTER
What I hadn't told him was that
he was meant to catch the Frisbee.
So he stood there full of the trust
of a trusting son, like that,
and I did a great throw...
You know when you straighten
the arm, so it goes...?
And it went, "Tssh," and he looked
at it with a lovely innocent face...
- LAUGHTER
- ..and it went, "Bang!"
There. And blood went, "Psh!"
And the shock on his face that
his father had done this to him.
LAUGHTER
IN SCOTTISH ACCENT: "What the hell
have you done, you idiot?!"
LAUGHTER
- So what are you thinking, David?
- Well, I...
EMILY: Oh, totally true.
Well, I... Well, this is my concern.
Jim has very reasonably
been reticent
about doing a Scottish accent
in this bit of the game.
I suspect, and maybe I'm wrong,
and Jim can prove me wrong,
or otherwise.
But I don't think
that he necessarily
does a very convincing
Scottish accent.
- Ooh... - Jim Carter can't do
a Scottish accent?
Well, because lots of people
can't do various accents,
lots of very good actors
can't do certain accents.
And I think it would be unlikely
that the accent you'd get
if concussed
would be one that you
couldn't previously do.
- I disagree with that entirely.
- Do you? - Yeah.
Well, get your own team.
LAUGHTER
Just give us a little taste
of this voice,
if you can use the great...
- Use your tool, your great
actor's tool... - My tool, yes.
..to give us a little bit of
this voice.
IN SCOTTISH ACCENT: I don't...
I don't feel very well,
I think I'm a bit, a bit woozy.
LAUGHTER
That's lovely, isn't it?
It's Radio 4, it's
Saturday afternoon, it's a play.
All right, so, David, truth or lie,
what are you going to say?
Um, what do you think?
- I think it's true. - You think it's
true? - I'll take the hit. - I think it
might be true.
I... Well...
OK, I think we're going to say
it's true, then.
Jim Carter, were you telling
the truth or were you lying?
Er...
I was telling a lie.
- Oh...
- APPLAUSE
Who'd have thought that?
Erm... Next.
- BUZZER
- It's Lee.
I got stuck for half an hour
in a men's toilet
because I couldn't find the door.
LAUGHTER
So where was this men's toilet?
- Next to the ladies'.
- LAUGHTER
Were you on your own?
Yes.
LAUGHTER
And where was the...?
- Apart from somebody singing some
Wham! song, I don't know who he was.
- LAUGHTER
And where was this ladies' toilet
that it was next to?
It was in the place I worked at,
which was a bingo hall.
RICHARD: And so presumably,
you'd managed to find the door
on the way in?
- No.
- LAUGHTER
Without being facetious.
Oh, I didn't do THAT.
You found the door.
I stood up...
LAUGHTER
You found the door on the way in.
I did find the door on the way in.
You took a number one, number two?
No, I walked, I didn't get a bus.
LAUGHTER
- You've popped into the toilet. - Yes.
It doesn't really matter
what you've gone to do.
Well, I think what does matter
is whether or not he'd gone
into a cubicle,
- or was just approaching a urinal.
- Yes, that's a good question.
- And how long it took you.
Given you'd just walked through the
door that then you couldn't find.
- Walked in the door,
I went to the urinal... - Yeah.
The door closed,
and then I'm now stuck
in that toilet for half an hour.
Why was it that you couldn't find
the door once it had closed?
Because I went in,
and it was late at night,
and the building had started
to shut down,
and so I went in,
and just as I got to the urinal,
the last bit of the door closes,
and it's now as pitch black
as you can possibly imagine.
The other bit to the story
I've not mentioned
is that I was absolutely hammered.
LAUGHTER
And so... So I started
getting a bit confused.
I went back to what I thought was
the middle of the room,
I'm drunk, but now I've lost
all bearings...
- DAVID LAUGHS
- And so I felt my... - I wish...
I really wish this was on infra-red
somewhere.
LAUGHTER
I was... There was a guy
with a video camera,
the Wham! guy, funnily enough.
LAUGHTER
And eventually, a door opened,
cos someone came looking for me,
and as the door opened, I realised
I'd lost my bearings so much
that I just... Every time I'd
gone round, I'd missed the door.
I think that this is true.
- You think it's true? - Yeah. I'm not
sure, I think it's where he worked,
- and I think there's going to be
some light bleeding around a door,
isn't there? - Do you...
You don't think it's true?
No, but if you both do...
It's definitely unlikely,
but all the things are unlikely.
You think it's unlike Lee?
- LAUGHTER
- Unlike...
I just... I don't know,
I just think it's true,
and I think it's well told
if it isn't.
- All right, so it's true. - Yeah. - OK.
Lee, truth or lie?
It is in fact true.
APPLAUSE
Clare Balding.
To win a bet, I presented
a three-minute piece to camera,
live from Royal Ascot,
in a full-length evening gown,
with Willie Carson
concealed beneath my skirts.
LAUGHTER
For people that aren't sure,
here's a picture.
LAUGHTER
There we are.
- Whose idea was the bet?
- The director.
We've come off air, I put on
the long ballgown, Willie waits...
He stands on a box when he's
presenting with me normally.
Obviously, to fit under my skirts,
he didn't.
In fact, he knelt, and he was quiet
as a mouse, he was very good.
LAUGHTER
No-one's said it yet,
I wanted to say it.
What, sorry, Miranda, what was that?
I wanted to say
there was a Willie under her skirt.
LAUGHTER
Now it's out there,
now it's out there.
- I'd like to request someone
more mature on my team.
- LAUGHTER
DAVID: I mean, I know Willie Carson
is not a burly man...
- No, he's... - But I still think, that
must be quite a substantial dress.
It was a very, you know, like...
As you sometimes get in
costume dramas. It didn't have the
hoops, but it had a very full skirt.
- But how did he get in, though?
Were you stood there? - I stood...
- Did you go, "Come on, Willie"?
- LAUGHTER
Well, he crawled along on the ground
and then knelt under there,
and it's a three-minute piece,
so the first two minutes
was absolutely fine,
and on I went, and rattled on
about normal racing stuff,
and then he started to giggle,
and that's what gave it away,
- but because we got two of the three
minutes, the bet was won.
- Recreate the piece to camera.
OK, so I stand there and I say,
"Hello and welcome to Royal Ascot,
"we've had a stunning first day here
with a win for Frankie Dettori.
"We saw his flying dismount..."
And then this first squeak then,
from Willie... He goes...
SHE SQUEAKS
Cos he's got a very high laugh.
And I, like, smacked him
and said, stop.
LAUGHTER
- Is this why Channel Four
have got the horse racing? - Probably.
- Right, David, what do you think?
- What do you think, Dale?
Do you know,
I'm really beginning to believe
that she'd have done it for a prank.
I think it was an excellent
acting performance,
but I believe it to be a lie.
Oh, you see,
now I have to make the decision.
- LAUGHTER
- But I think it's a lie.
- You think it's a lie?
- I think that's... Yeah. - OK, Clare.
- Were you telling the truth,
or were you telling a lie?
- I was telling the...
It was a lie.
THEY LAUGH
APPLAUSE
- BUZZER
- Er... It's me.
I recently had to be rescued
by supermarket staff
after I fell into the chest freezer,
trying to reach the last packet
of Yorkshire puddings.
LAUGHTER
So you've fallen in.
- Yes. - Talk us through the next bit.
Look, imagine, right,
imagine that this...
Imagine this...
This is the freezer, OK?
Right.
So I am here, and I'm looking,
and I'm looking round,
there's nobody, so I just...
Ah, yes.
Oh, OK.
I'm going like that.
- I'm going like that, and I'm going,
and I'm going... - He's in!
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
And I'm in.
And I'm like that.
- And I hit my hand on the kind of
sharp inner edge... - Right.
And I went...
And first of all, I went, "Aah!"
And people... People kind of...
So you just stay lying down?
Well, I was shocked, Lee!
LAUGHTER
And as I...
My little head peeked up...
LAUGHTER
..over the top,
and some people, some Welsh people -
cos it was Cardiff -
came over and said,
"Are you all right?"
So... And they, they kind of...
You know, I could have got out.
But they sort of helped me up,
and, you know, I think they were
worried I was going to make a claim.
LAUGHTER
Were you tempted to stay in there
until someone came to get something,
and suddenly go, "Agh"?
- LAUGHTER
- So what do you think?
The bit of the story
I don't think is true
is the bit when
he started talking...
- LAUGHTER
- ..up until the point when he just
stopped talking then.
It's the fact that he sort of went,
"Ooh..."
IN WELSH ACCENT: "I've cut my hand,
I can't get up, I'm Rob Brydon."
Well, that's not strictly
what I said.
I said I looked at my hand
with shock,
and then somebody ran over
straightaway.
I don't think it would take
that long for attention to be...
There would have been
a sort of thru-bump kind of noise,
and people would have looked round
and noticed that the small man
who'd previously been there
had somehow disappeared,
and then naturally have wondered
where he may have gone to.
- LAUGHTER
I think it's true...
- Yeah, I think it's true.
..because it's quite a humiliating
story, and I don't see why you'd
tell it unless it was true.
Er... The format of the show?
LAUGHTER
- Yeah... - "I don't see why you'd
tell it if it wasn't true"?
LAUGHTER
Andy, I really think you've been
missing something this evening.
LAUGHTER
- So, David what are you saying?
Given what... - I think we've...
- ..Poirot has said here.
- I think we think it's true.
- You think it's true? - Yeah.
You think it's a lie.
Well, I can tell you, it is...
a lie.
ALL: Aah...
APPLAUSE
BUZZER
Well, that's all we've got time for
on this special edition of
Would I Lie To You?
Thank you for watching, goodnight.
APPLAUSE
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd