Workin' Moms (2017–…): Season 5, Episode 1 - The Carlsons Move to Calgary - full transcript
(Bell chimes)
(Bird screeches)
("Man! I Feel Like a Woman!"
by Shania Twain plays)
♪ Let's go, girls ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Come on! ♪
(Van rumbles)
♪ I'm going out tonight
I'm feelin' all right ♪
- All right! Who is excited?
- This isn't Calgary.
- It's Calgary adjacent.
- It's Cock-ring.
- It's Coch-rane.
- Not what we were sold.
- Why do we have to live
in Cock-ring?
- It's Coch-rane!
It's Coch-rane,
and it's where my office is.
So, let's not judge a book
by its cover,
and see what our rental house
has in store for us!
(Door latch clicks)
- Okay girls, let's go.
- Hey!
(Footsteps thud)
(Ominous music plays)
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
- I can't do it.
- Anne!
- Lionel,
I am having an actual allergic
reaction to this place,
like, my body is telling me
to run.
- I think Jayme's scared.
- (Whimpers)
- Okay, yeah!
Yeah, I will... admit,
this place is a bit rustic.
(Cell phone chimes)
But, I mean,
this is just a place
that we lay our heads at night.
- Guys?
- And also, Cochrane
has so much to offer!
Mountains, and delicate women,
shops that sell nothing
but fudge!
- Guys!
- Not to mention,
the great outdoors! - Guys!
Both: What?!
♪♪♪
- It's probably just
for a couple weeks.
(Bell tolls)
Lionel: The wait is over!
I finally get to see
my new office!
(Footsteps thud on stairs)
- Jayme, call the police.
- Please. You love it.
- Take that hat off immediately.
What, are you going
to a rodeo clown's funeral?!
- Well, it is my first day
in an actual office,
with actual people,
I thought black
would be a little more profesh.
(Coffee pours)
- Why are you dressed
like Joe Exotic?
- Hey, I am not the exotic one,
okay? You two are.
I'm Joe Normal. Joe Normal!
Alice, are you ready
to line dance your way
into that new school
for the big first day?
- I'm gonna miss the bus.
- Okay, I love you, bye!
And you, I know you miss
your old friends.
But maybe, just maybe,
this is an opportunity to...
make a new posse.
So... Alexa?
What are some cool
coffee shops in Cochrane?
Alexa: I've found a few
coffee shops:
Coffee Muggers on Fifth Street,
Coffee Muggers on Centre Avenue,
Coffee Muggers on First Street,
Coffee Muggers on Memorial Way.
- Coffee Muggers sounds awesome.
- Let's go meet some locals.
- All right!
And I got you a little
somethin' somethin'!
(Hums excitedly) Huh?
It's Cochrane Anne!
It's Cochr-Anne!
Get it? It's you.
- Yeah...
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪ Hey! Hey! ♪
- So you haven't heard anything?
I just figured it's two hours
later in Toronto,
so maybe you heard?
- Honey, you gotta calm it down.
- I know, uh, they will read
my book though, right?
- Of course they will,
and they'll love it.
You don't get a title like
"Running Your Own Train,"
and not crack it open.
- I guess, yeah.
Woman: So sorry
about the wait on that.
And what would you fancy
this morning?
- I'll have a Cortado, please.
- Is that coffee?
Natashia: Oh boy.
Hey, can she hear me?
Can you hear me?!
- Is she speaking to me?
- I think so, yeah.
- Yep, I can hear you, ma'am.
- Okay, listen.
A cortado is equal parts
espresso and milk.
- So, a latte, then?
- No, it's actually smaller.
- Could you not just drink
less of it?
- I'll just take
a regular coffee.
- Okay. Anne: Jesus Christ.
- (Sighs)
- Oh, I love your bobble
Lady Helena!
- Thanks. Lady Helena?
- She's kind of our mascot.
Birthed 12 children, and still
rode bulls 'til the end.
- Is she-she's dead?
- Gored by a bull.
Right In front of her family.
- Holy shit!
- Yep.
Rumour has it she smiled
at her husband and kids
even as the blood drained
from her body.
(Ominous music)
Anyway, you have a good
rest of your day.
Natashia: What the fuck?!
Where'd you say you moved?
- (Spits)
Ugh! Nope.
♪♪♪
(Birds chirp)
- Okay! You're gonna do
so good in your new school.
I know you are!
- (Gasps) Cheryl!
- Aah!
- Stop it!
Stop it! (Both laugh)
(Both screaming jovially)
(Scream plays in slow motion,
deepens in pitch)
(Charms jingle)
Cheryl: You're baaaack!
- Stop! Oh! my God, stop it!
(Phone rings)
- And you said her birthday
was...
- March third, 2016.
I could just write it down.
- I got it.
- Okay.
- Now, is it month first,
or day first...
- It's the same. Three, three.
- Right. (Keys click)
And her medical records?
- I left the 12th message
at her old school.
They're gonna fax them over.
But she's basically vaccinated.
- "Basically?"
- You know, all the hits.
- It's just that without
a doctor's note,
I'm not sure we can admit her.
- Oh, I'm a doctor,
can I just write her a note
until her records get here?
- (Reluctant) Ah...
- Lynda! She's a doctor,
it's not like she's gonna
give this school polio!
- Don't start, Cheryl.
(Groans) I'll update the list.
Excuse me.
- Thank you!
Actually, thank you!
- No problem.
Staff can be kinda tricky,
but once you see their strings,
you can play 'em like a fiddle.
(Laughs) I'm Cheryl.
- Anne Carlson.
- Okay, Doctor Carlson,
if you ever need a drink...
give me a call.
(Pen clatters) Hmm!
- Thanks.
(Bell rings)
(Students chatter)
♪♪♪
- Okay...
(Students laugh and chat)
Hey, are you guys
in the marching band?
- And what are you, some type
of genius, or something?
- What?
(Students chatter)
♪♪♪
- And I believe that student
council
shouldn't be the only
voice on campus.
After all, what is democracy
without opposition?
And that's where we come in.
And uh, maybe we could make
this place
more tolerable for someone new.
Thank you, uh, we'll be meeting
tonight in Room 1A,
and I uh, hope to see
you all there.
(Laughs)
Hey, I don't think I've seen
you around here before.
- Uh, I just moved here.
And sorry if I was...
- Crashing my rousing speech?
(Laughs) Don't be.
It's always nice to see
some fresh freckle...
Fresh faces around here.
- Thanks.
♪♪♪
- This fluorescent lighting
is awful, I would kill myself.
- Oh please, you've been here
three minutes.
This place is great,
it's just layered.
- You've been here three hours.
How layered can it be?
- You'd be surprised.
For starters, can you believe
that nobody around here
dresses like this?
- I can, yeah.
- Also, it's a bit
of a bad boys' club.
A couple of the guys
are talking about
bringing tacos in on...
- Tuesdays?
- Nope, get this. Thursdays!
(Laughs) I'm telling you,
this place is nuts!
- I'm glad you're so happy here.
(Small laugh)
- Did um... the publisher
call yet?
- Nope.
- Hey, don't worry, they will.
- Mm-hmm.
- In the meantime...
the corporate counselor
here is going on mat leave.
- Mm!
- It's a good job. Easy hours.
I could see if they're
taking interviews,
if... you're interested?
(Slurps)
- (Small laugh)
(Sobs) - Oh God!
Honey! Are you crying?
- I'm sorry.
- Is the idea of working here
really that painful?
- Yes!
- I'm sorry, I'm...
I'm really trying here, I am.
I just feel like yours
and the kids' plus one.
- Okay.
How about this...
give it a year.
And if you still feel like you
don't fit in, we'll leave.
But in the meantime, just try.
- (Sighs)
- I know it's different,
but maybe...
different could be good
for you right now.
- I mean, yeah. Okay.
- Okay. Great.
And I'm also puttin' myself
out there, just so you know.
Accounting is starting
a ska band,
and they asked if I would join.
- Oh shit!
- What's wrong?
- Are they gone?
Are my eyes gone?
- I don't know if you knew this,
but it's actually
Cochrane Policy to walk
a new student home
on their first day.
- (Laughs) It is not.
- Oh, you're from
Toronto, aren't you?
- How did you know?
- The accent gives it away.
"It is naaat!"
- I do not sound like that!
- "I do naat sound like that?"
(Both laugh)
So uh, what was your old
school like?
- I don't know.
People were kinda mean to me.
Maybe I was kinda dumb, too.
- Oh, honestly?
No, I-I don't buy it.
I've known you approximately
four hours now,
and you've been nothing
but a perfect lady.
- (Laughs) Yeah, sure.
A "perfect lady."
- Well, that's how I see you.
You should see yourself
that way, too.
Hey...
let's commemorate this moment.
- Huh?
(Rain patters)
- Alice?
- Wait!
What were you trying to...
- What were you...
- Nothing!
- I wanted to officially
invite you to the CCC.
- Sorry, the what?
- The Cochrane Conservative
Committee.
It's not as scary as it sounds,
okay?
We are just trying to bring
some common sense
back to people our age.
- Well...
I guess that doesn't
sound so bad.
- Right? And we don't let
just anyone in.
- Wow. Thank you.
(Knife thuds)
(Splashes)
(Lid thuds, buttons beep)
- (Sighs)
Fuck it.
♪♪♪
Hmm!
So, Tomé, is it?
Am I saying that right?
- Mm-hmm, sure are.
But, I mean, most people just
call us the Cutie Committee.
- Tomé, you call us that.
It makes us seem so arrogant.
- But, I mean, we are way cuter
than most of the moms
at the school, so...
- You sure you don't want
a drink, Anne?
- I-I would, it's just...
don't we have to pick up
our kids from school?
- What are you, a cop? (Laughs)
- She thinks that's funny
'cause her husband's a dumb cop.
- You can't call him dumb,
Cheryl.
- But he is!
- Yeah,
but like, still, though!
(Cell phone buzzes)
- Oh! Excuse me,
I-I should take this.
(Chair scrapes)
- And that's all they said?
- An official pass.
- This was the last publisher.
I really needed this.
- You know what,
just start a new book.
Go back to the well.
I'm sorry, honey.
(Beeps call off) - (Huffs)
♪♪♪
- So, how has the transition
been?
- Yeah, fine, I guess.
- Bullshit.
- You hate it!
- We hated it at first, too.
I mean, honestly,
drinking with this tampon
was the only thing
that got me through it.
- Mm, for real.
It sure ain't city life.
- You guys moved here
from cities?
- Oh, hell, yeah! I used
to be a financial planner.
- I made jewelry.
- That tracks.
- Yeah, who do you think
hooked us up
with these screamers?
Wakes Terry up every
fucking night, I love it!
(Laughs) - Mm-hmm.
- Anyway, we're here for
the year, you know,
for now, and then...
and then we'll see.
- Yeah, we all thought the move
would be temporary at first too,
but you know, time just kinda...
sneaks away on you around here.
- Uh-huh, sure does.
(Words echo in slow motion)
- Uh-huh.
- (Clears throat)
- Anyway!
- To Annie.
- Oh!
- You're in now, bitch!
- (Laughs) Woo! (Glasses clink)
(Ominous music plays)
(Bell tolls)
(Plane roars overhead)
(Ominous music)
- (Sighs)
- Oh, hey there, stranger!
- Oh! You're here!
- I'm here! We're all here!
Hey, guys! I found her!
Come on! - Aaah! We made it!
- Woo! Giddy-up!
- We made it! Woo!
Anne-a-rino!
We missed you, buddy!
- Oh, I missed you guys, too.
- Hey, baby.
Val: Look at this place!
You know, I grew up
in a town just like this.
A bonafide shithole.
But my parents and the police
felt it was best
I get a fresh start elsewhere.
- (Laughs) I'm sorry,
the-the police?
- Oh. You found your gang yet?
- Uh, not exactly.
- Well, they can be elusive.
Then again, once you're in,
there's only one way out -
pound of flesh.
- Whoa. Val, were you
in a gang, gang?
- Mmmmmm...
- Should we?
- No!
- Okay. Let's go!
- Woo-hoo!
- Okay!
- Oh! Look at that face!
- (Laughs)
- Anne, I've missed you so much!
I can't believe you live
here now.
- Well, I'm not here.
I mean-I mean, I'm here,
but I'm not like, here, here.
- No, you're practically
like, a local.
- Yeah.
- Am I? Really?
I just feel like more
of a visitor.
But, you know, I'm getting by.
- You're getting by!
- How's Alice doing?
- Oh, she is amazing.
She's on a date right now.
- Whaaat?
- No!
- With some fuckin' loser,
I bet.
- No, nope, I don't think so.
- No?
Cheryl: Annie?
(Giggles) - Oh no.
- We're just grabbing takeout!
(Gasps) Wait... - Oh.
- Who are these sexy strangers?
- Oh my!
(All laugh)
- Hey, I'm Kate,
this is Frankie, and Va...
- I'm Cheryl, this is Tomé.
- Hey!
- Sorry, Tomé, was it?
Is that-is that Italian?
- It's like, "Toe-may-toe."
- Mm!
Hmm. Mm-hmm.
- That's so cool,
you already made friends.
- Oh no, you have to
around here.
You gotta find your clique,
you gotta stick together.
- Got that right, girlfriend.
Find yourself on your own,
and Val and her girls
are comin' for ya.
Hog-tie ya, throw you to sea.
Tomé: (Laughs) This is fun!
- So y'all are like the
Cutie Committee of Toronto?
- The Cutie Com...
- Nothing! Nothing!
Shut the fuck up, Tomé!
(Laughs facetiously)
- Well, we're really happy
to meet you guys.
I mean, it's been
a big move for Anne.
- Oh, don't you worry
about our Annie.
She's basically the mayor now.
Right?
- I'm not the mayor.
The mayor is Carl Graham.
- Cool.
- So Annie, you're gonna invite
your friends tonight, yeah?
- Hmm?
- Anne, don't be rude,
Tomato's inviting us
to something!
- I just don't think this
is gonna be your sort of thing.
- We love things.
- What else are we doing?
- We're here!
- Fun!
- We just gotta scoot home
and change,
and then it's time for D and D!
- Sorry, D and D?
- (Laughs uncomfortably)
(Country music plays)
♪ Denim and diamonds ♪
- Mm!
It's uh... denim and diamonds.
- Mm!
- It's the diamonds
and the denim.
See, it's like a theme!
(Giggles)
- Right. And you've uh,
you've done this before?
- A D and D? No.
- Oh, but you should've seen
our girl at last week's
Fish and Fedoras!
- (Gasps) Oh my God!
- Oh!
- It was so good!
And I just can't wait
to see the theme
Anne comes up with
for the class party!
- Class pa... holy shit!
Are you the...
are you the Room Mom?
- I am, yeah. - Whaaat? - Yeah.
- No, that's-that's great.
That's cool.
- Yeah, I figure it's...
- Something to do.
- Uh, Cheryl,
what is it that you do?
- She's a-she was
a financial planner.
- I was. These days I do
this and that.
But mainly this!
Okay, nose, mouth, or butt?
- Hmm, decisions, right?
- It's just a saying,
it's like a...
- Okay, so you guys don't put...
you don't put pills
in your butts?
- Well, it's not my first pick.
But yeah, I've taken a benzo...
- Rectally?
- She has a lot of back pain.
- Uh-huh.
- Geez! I thought you city
girls would be a lot more...
open-minded, I mean, Annie is.
(Uncomfortable chuckles)
- I know how open-minded
Annie is.
I know Annie here better
than anybody.
- Oh, really? Did you know
she's allergic to...
- Pistachios? Get the fuck
outta here with that basic
Anne knowledge.
- You tell 'em, Kate.
- Did you know that
before psychiatry,
she wanted to become...
- A judge?
- Honestly, Kate,
who doesn't know that?
- Anne wanted to be a judge?
- I guess so.
Cheryl: And what about Alice?
Did you know that Anne
read her diary,
and learned that she's been
to second base?
- I did not know that.
Which one is second base again?
- (Squeezing sound)
Cheryl: And what about Lionel?
Did you know that quarantine
was the most challenging
chapter of their marriage?
- Uh-huh, sure was. Yeah.
- Is that true?
Shit, dude, I'm so sorry!
- No, it's fine.
- I should've reached out more.
- Hey, it's fine,
it's totally-no, don't worry.
- Well, I can see why
she wanted to move here!
I mean, you guys aren't
really friends at all.
- What the fuck did you
just say?!
- You heard me.
- Whoa! Whoa, whoa!
Guys, stop! - Whoaaaa... okay.
- No, it's fine. It's fine.
- I think I choose nose!
- Sink or swim, baby turtle!
- Oh! What are you doing?! Ah!
- Come on!
- What is she doing?
- Kate, grab her legs!
- No!
- Anne, help me!
- Absolutely not!
- Is this fun,
or should I fight it?
Cheryl! Ohhh!
- Oh my God!
- VAL!
Cheryl: That's too far!
- Stop it, Val!
- Owww!
- Val, no!
- Quick, help me get her
in the pool!
- Mom!
- Ben-Ben! How was your date!
Tomé: Wait, uh,
are you gonna drown me?
- It's not always like this.
- Okay, thanks for coming, guys.
Safe flying.
- Uh, once again,
I feel the need to apologize.
- Yep.
- You were terrifying.
- I was in a small town
girl gang.
- Yeah, we gathered that, Val.
Pretty clear.
- Well, I'd appreciate it
if we could keep this
amongst us gals?
(Frankie, Anne, and Kate laugh)
- Are you sure you're gonna be
okay?
- Yeah. Of course.
- All right, well,
I'm just like, a phone
call away. You just like,
shoot me a ringle,
or ding me a tingle, or...
- I'll call, Frank.
- (Blows a kiss)
- (Sniffs)
You just blink at me right now,
I will buy you a plane ticket.
You hop on with us,
we'll figure out everything
when we land.
- Dude. I live here now.
- All right.
Hey, I'm...
I'm sorry I didn't know
that stuff Cheryl said.
- Oh! I...
- If I could've called more.
It's just the last few
months have been so...
- Crazy. Yeah, totally.
I mean, I-I could've
called more, too.
I just needed to give this
place a chance, you know?
- Yeah, that makes sense.
Look, just promise me you're
gonna keep pushing, you know?
You gotta find purpose here.
- Kate, I know. I get it.
- And hey, for the record,
I really like it.
(Both laugh)
(Plane roars overhead)
♪♪♪
(Wheels rattle)
♪♪♪
- You're gonna be all right?
- Yeah! (Laughs)
♪♪♪
(Sighs)
(Line ringing)
- Hey you! How was dropping
off the ladies?
- Fine, yeah.
Hey, so I've been giving it
some thought and...
could you see if they're
still looking to fill
that shrink gig at your office?
- Yes! Seriously?
Anne, , I am so proud of you.
This, this is gonna be great!
- Yeah. Uh-huh.
Uh, hey, I gotta go. - Okay.
Okay, I love you! - Love you.
- Now, have you taken
anti-anxiety medication before?
- It's been a while, but yeah.
- Okay, well, you've been
prescribed 1.5 milligrams,
to be taken orally
at your discretion.
Now, there are several warnings
with benzodiazepine.
(Pills rattle)
You should contact
your doctor...
♪♪♪
♪ Let's go girls ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Come on! ♪
Anne: Next time,
on "Workin' Moms:"
Are you sure you should be
chasing pills with champagne?
- You don't think that you
might be able to maybe...
write us a scrip for some more?
- I got you an interview
at my office
to take over Mallory's
mat leave!
- That seems very soon,
is that very soon?
- Kate Foster, very sorry
to keep you waiting.
- Not at all!
Uh, it's a pleasure
to finally meet you, Sloan.
- Do we not deserve to blow off
a little steam
every now and then,
with a couple of meat boys?
- Absol... sorry, "meat boys?!"
(Bird screeches)
("Man! I Feel Like a Woman!"
by Shania Twain plays)
♪ Let's go, girls ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Come on! ♪
(Van rumbles)
♪ I'm going out tonight
I'm feelin' all right ♪
- All right! Who is excited?
- This isn't Calgary.
- It's Calgary adjacent.
- It's Cock-ring.
- It's Coch-rane.
- Not what we were sold.
- Why do we have to live
in Cock-ring?
- It's Coch-rane!
It's Coch-rane,
and it's where my office is.
So, let's not judge a book
by its cover,
and see what our rental house
has in store for us!
(Door latch clicks)
- Okay girls, let's go.
- Hey!
(Footsteps thud)
(Ominous music plays)
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
- I can't do it.
- Anne!
- Lionel,
I am having an actual allergic
reaction to this place,
like, my body is telling me
to run.
- I think Jayme's scared.
- (Whimpers)
- Okay, yeah!
Yeah, I will... admit,
this place is a bit rustic.
(Cell phone chimes)
But, I mean,
this is just a place
that we lay our heads at night.
- Guys?
- And also, Cochrane
has so much to offer!
Mountains, and delicate women,
shops that sell nothing
but fudge!
- Guys!
- Not to mention,
the great outdoors! - Guys!
Both: What?!
♪♪♪
- It's probably just
for a couple weeks.
(Bell tolls)
Lionel: The wait is over!
I finally get to see
my new office!
(Footsteps thud on stairs)
- Jayme, call the police.
- Please. You love it.
- Take that hat off immediately.
What, are you going
to a rodeo clown's funeral?!
- Well, it is my first day
in an actual office,
with actual people,
I thought black
would be a little more profesh.
(Coffee pours)
- Why are you dressed
like Joe Exotic?
- Hey, I am not the exotic one,
okay? You two are.
I'm Joe Normal. Joe Normal!
Alice, are you ready
to line dance your way
into that new school
for the big first day?
- I'm gonna miss the bus.
- Okay, I love you, bye!
And you, I know you miss
your old friends.
But maybe, just maybe,
this is an opportunity to...
make a new posse.
So... Alexa?
What are some cool
coffee shops in Cochrane?
Alexa: I've found a few
coffee shops:
Coffee Muggers on Fifth Street,
Coffee Muggers on Centre Avenue,
Coffee Muggers on First Street,
Coffee Muggers on Memorial Way.
- Coffee Muggers sounds awesome.
- Let's go meet some locals.
- All right!
And I got you a little
somethin' somethin'!
(Hums excitedly) Huh?
It's Cochrane Anne!
It's Cochr-Anne!
Get it? It's you.
- Yeah...
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪ Hey! Hey! ♪
- So you haven't heard anything?
I just figured it's two hours
later in Toronto,
so maybe you heard?
- Honey, you gotta calm it down.
- I know, uh, they will read
my book though, right?
- Of course they will,
and they'll love it.
You don't get a title like
"Running Your Own Train,"
and not crack it open.
- I guess, yeah.
Woman: So sorry
about the wait on that.
And what would you fancy
this morning?
- I'll have a Cortado, please.
- Is that coffee?
Natashia: Oh boy.
Hey, can she hear me?
Can you hear me?!
- Is she speaking to me?
- I think so, yeah.
- Yep, I can hear you, ma'am.
- Okay, listen.
A cortado is equal parts
espresso and milk.
- So, a latte, then?
- No, it's actually smaller.
- Could you not just drink
less of it?
- I'll just take
a regular coffee.
- Okay. Anne: Jesus Christ.
- (Sighs)
- Oh, I love your bobble
Lady Helena!
- Thanks. Lady Helena?
- She's kind of our mascot.
Birthed 12 children, and still
rode bulls 'til the end.
- Is she-she's dead?
- Gored by a bull.
Right In front of her family.
- Holy shit!
- Yep.
Rumour has it she smiled
at her husband and kids
even as the blood drained
from her body.
(Ominous music)
Anyway, you have a good
rest of your day.
Natashia: What the fuck?!
Where'd you say you moved?
- (Spits)
Ugh! Nope.
♪♪♪
(Birds chirp)
- Okay! You're gonna do
so good in your new school.
I know you are!
- (Gasps) Cheryl!
- Aah!
- Stop it!
Stop it! (Both laugh)
(Both screaming jovially)
(Scream plays in slow motion,
deepens in pitch)
(Charms jingle)
Cheryl: You're baaaack!
- Stop! Oh! my God, stop it!
(Phone rings)
- And you said her birthday
was...
- March third, 2016.
I could just write it down.
- I got it.
- Okay.
- Now, is it month first,
or day first...
- It's the same. Three, three.
- Right. (Keys click)
And her medical records?
- I left the 12th message
at her old school.
They're gonna fax them over.
But she's basically vaccinated.
- "Basically?"
- You know, all the hits.
- It's just that without
a doctor's note,
I'm not sure we can admit her.
- Oh, I'm a doctor,
can I just write her a note
until her records get here?
- (Reluctant) Ah...
- Lynda! She's a doctor,
it's not like she's gonna
give this school polio!
- Don't start, Cheryl.
(Groans) I'll update the list.
Excuse me.
- Thank you!
Actually, thank you!
- No problem.
Staff can be kinda tricky,
but once you see their strings,
you can play 'em like a fiddle.
(Laughs) I'm Cheryl.
- Anne Carlson.
- Okay, Doctor Carlson,
if you ever need a drink...
give me a call.
(Pen clatters) Hmm!
- Thanks.
(Bell rings)
(Students chatter)
♪♪♪
- Okay...
(Students laugh and chat)
Hey, are you guys
in the marching band?
- And what are you, some type
of genius, or something?
- What?
(Students chatter)
♪♪♪
- And I believe that student
council
shouldn't be the only
voice on campus.
After all, what is democracy
without opposition?
And that's where we come in.
And uh, maybe we could make
this place
more tolerable for someone new.
Thank you, uh, we'll be meeting
tonight in Room 1A,
and I uh, hope to see
you all there.
(Laughs)
Hey, I don't think I've seen
you around here before.
- Uh, I just moved here.
And sorry if I was...
- Crashing my rousing speech?
(Laughs) Don't be.
It's always nice to see
some fresh freckle...
Fresh faces around here.
- Thanks.
♪♪♪
- This fluorescent lighting
is awful, I would kill myself.
- Oh please, you've been here
three minutes.
This place is great,
it's just layered.
- You've been here three hours.
How layered can it be?
- You'd be surprised.
For starters, can you believe
that nobody around here
dresses like this?
- I can, yeah.
- Also, it's a bit
of a bad boys' club.
A couple of the guys
are talking about
bringing tacos in on...
- Tuesdays?
- Nope, get this. Thursdays!
(Laughs) I'm telling you,
this place is nuts!
- I'm glad you're so happy here.
(Small laugh)
- Did um... the publisher
call yet?
- Nope.
- Hey, don't worry, they will.
- Mm-hmm.
- In the meantime...
the corporate counselor
here is going on mat leave.
- Mm!
- It's a good job. Easy hours.
I could see if they're
taking interviews,
if... you're interested?
(Slurps)
- (Small laugh)
(Sobs) - Oh God!
Honey! Are you crying?
- I'm sorry.
- Is the idea of working here
really that painful?
- Yes!
- I'm sorry, I'm...
I'm really trying here, I am.
I just feel like yours
and the kids' plus one.
- Okay.
How about this...
give it a year.
And if you still feel like you
don't fit in, we'll leave.
But in the meantime, just try.
- (Sighs)
- I know it's different,
but maybe...
different could be good
for you right now.
- I mean, yeah. Okay.
- Okay. Great.
And I'm also puttin' myself
out there, just so you know.
Accounting is starting
a ska band,
and they asked if I would join.
- Oh shit!
- What's wrong?
- Are they gone?
Are my eyes gone?
- I don't know if you knew this,
but it's actually
Cochrane Policy to walk
a new student home
on their first day.
- (Laughs) It is not.
- Oh, you're from
Toronto, aren't you?
- How did you know?
- The accent gives it away.
"It is naaat!"
- I do not sound like that!
- "I do naat sound like that?"
(Both laugh)
So uh, what was your old
school like?
- I don't know.
People were kinda mean to me.
Maybe I was kinda dumb, too.
- Oh, honestly?
No, I-I don't buy it.
I've known you approximately
four hours now,
and you've been nothing
but a perfect lady.
- (Laughs) Yeah, sure.
A "perfect lady."
- Well, that's how I see you.
You should see yourself
that way, too.
Hey...
let's commemorate this moment.
- Huh?
(Rain patters)
- Alice?
- Wait!
What were you trying to...
- What were you...
- Nothing!
- I wanted to officially
invite you to the CCC.
- Sorry, the what?
- The Cochrane Conservative
Committee.
It's not as scary as it sounds,
okay?
We are just trying to bring
some common sense
back to people our age.
- Well...
I guess that doesn't
sound so bad.
- Right? And we don't let
just anyone in.
- Wow. Thank you.
(Knife thuds)
(Splashes)
(Lid thuds, buttons beep)
- (Sighs)
Fuck it.
♪♪♪
Hmm!
So, Tomé, is it?
Am I saying that right?
- Mm-hmm, sure are.
But, I mean, most people just
call us the Cutie Committee.
- Tomé, you call us that.
It makes us seem so arrogant.
- But, I mean, we are way cuter
than most of the moms
at the school, so...
- You sure you don't want
a drink, Anne?
- I-I would, it's just...
don't we have to pick up
our kids from school?
- What are you, a cop? (Laughs)
- She thinks that's funny
'cause her husband's a dumb cop.
- You can't call him dumb,
Cheryl.
- But he is!
- Yeah,
but like, still, though!
(Cell phone buzzes)
- Oh! Excuse me,
I-I should take this.
(Chair scrapes)
- And that's all they said?
- An official pass.
- This was the last publisher.
I really needed this.
- You know what,
just start a new book.
Go back to the well.
I'm sorry, honey.
(Beeps call off) - (Huffs)
♪♪♪
- So, how has the transition
been?
- Yeah, fine, I guess.
- Bullshit.
- You hate it!
- We hated it at first, too.
I mean, honestly,
drinking with this tampon
was the only thing
that got me through it.
- Mm, for real.
It sure ain't city life.
- You guys moved here
from cities?
- Oh, hell, yeah! I used
to be a financial planner.
- I made jewelry.
- That tracks.
- Yeah, who do you think
hooked us up
with these screamers?
Wakes Terry up every
fucking night, I love it!
(Laughs) - Mm-hmm.
- Anyway, we're here for
the year, you know,
for now, and then...
and then we'll see.
- Yeah, we all thought the move
would be temporary at first too,
but you know, time just kinda...
sneaks away on you around here.
- Uh-huh, sure does.
(Words echo in slow motion)
- Uh-huh.
- (Clears throat)
- Anyway!
- To Annie.
- Oh!
- You're in now, bitch!
- (Laughs) Woo! (Glasses clink)
(Ominous music plays)
(Bell tolls)
(Plane roars overhead)
(Ominous music)
- (Sighs)
- Oh, hey there, stranger!
- Oh! You're here!
- I'm here! We're all here!
Hey, guys! I found her!
Come on! - Aaah! We made it!
- Woo! Giddy-up!
- We made it! Woo!
Anne-a-rino!
We missed you, buddy!
- Oh, I missed you guys, too.
- Hey, baby.
Val: Look at this place!
You know, I grew up
in a town just like this.
A bonafide shithole.
But my parents and the police
felt it was best
I get a fresh start elsewhere.
- (Laughs) I'm sorry,
the-the police?
- Oh. You found your gang yet?
- Uh, not exactly.
- Well, they can be elusive.
Then again, once you're in,
there's only one way out -
pound of flesh.
- Whoa. Val, were you
in a gang, gang?
- Mmmmmm...
- Should we?
- No!
- Okay. Let's go!
- Woo-hoo!
- Okay!
- Oh! Look at that face!
- (Laughs)
- Anne, I've missed you so much!
I can't believe you live
here now.
- Well, I'm not here.
I mean-I mean, I'm here,
but I'm not like, here, here.
- No, you're practically
like, a local.
- Yeah.
- Am I? Really?
I just feel like more
of a visitor.
But, you know, I'm getting by.
- You're getting by!
- How's Alice doing?
- Oh, she is amazing.
She's on a date right now.
- Whaaat?
- No!
- With some fuckin' loser,
I bet.
- No, nope, I don't think so.
- No?
Cheryl: Annie?
(Giggles) - Oh no.
- We're just grabbing takeout!
(Gasps) Wait... - Oh.
- Who are these sexy strangers?
- Oh my!
(All laugh)
- Hey, I'm Kate,
this is Frankie, and Va...
- I'm Cheryl, this is Tomé.
- Hey!
- Sorry, Tomé, was it?
Is that-is that Italian?
- It's like, "Toe-may-toe."
- Mm!
Hmm. Mm-hmm.
- That's so cool,
you already made friends.
- Oh no, you have to
around here.
You gotta find your clique,
you gotta stick together.
- Got that right, girlfriend.
Find yourself on your own,
and Val and her girls
are comin' for ya.
Hog-tie ya, throw you to sea.
Tomé: (Laughs) This is fun!
- So y'all are like the
Cutie Committee of Toronto?
- The Cutie Com...
- Nothing! Nothing!
Shut the fuck up, Tomé!
(Laughs facetiously)
- Well, we're really happy
to meet you guys.
I mean, it's been
a big move for Anne.
- Oh, don't you worry
about our Annie.
She's basically the mayor now.
Right?
- I'm not the mayor.
The mayor is Carl Graham.
- Cool.
- So Annie, you're gonna invite
your friends tonight, yeah?
- Hmm?
- Anne, don't be rude,
Tomato's inviting us
to something!
- I just don't think this
is gonna be your sort of thing.
- We love things.
- What else are we doing?
- We're here!
- Fun!
- We just gotta scoot home
and change,
and then it's time for D and D!
- Sorry, D and D?
- (Laughs uncomfortably)
(Country music plays)
♪ Denim and diamonds ♪
- Mm!
It's uh... denim and diamonds.
- Mm!
- It's the diamonds
and the denim.
See, it's like a theme!
(Giggles)
- Right. And you've uh,
you've done this before?
- A D and D? No.
- Oh, but you should've seen
our girl at last week's
Fish and Fedoras!
- (Gasps) Oh my God!
- Oh!
- It was so good!
And I just can't wait
to see the theme
Anne comes up with
for the class party!
- Class pa... holy shit!
Are you the...
are you the Room Mom?
- I am, yeah. - Whaaat? - Yeah.
- No, that's-that's great.
That's cool.
- Yeah, I figure it's...
- Something to do.
- Uh, Cheryl,
what is it that you do?
- She's a-she was
a financial planner.
- I was. These days I do
this and that.
But mainly this!
Okay, nose, mouth, or butt?
- Hmm, decisions, right?
- It's just a saying,
it's like a...
- Okay, so you guys don't put...
you don't put pills
in your butts?
- Well, it's not my first pick.
But yeah, I've taken a benzo...
- Rectally?
- She has a lot of back pain.
- Uh-huh.
- Geez! I thought you city
girls would be a lot more...
open-minded, I mean, Annie is.
(Uncomfortable chuckles)
- I know how open-minded
Annie is.
I know Annie here better
than anybody.
- Oh, really? Did you know
she's allergic to...
- Pistachios? Get the fuck
outta here with that basic
Anne knowledge.
- You tell 'em, Kate.
- Did you know that
before psychiatry,
she wanted to become...
- A judge?
- Honestly, Kate,
who doesn't know that?
- Anne wanted to be a judge?
- I guess so.
Cheryl: And what about Alice?
Did you know that Anne
read her diary,
and learned that she's been
to second base?
- I did not know that.
Which one is second base again?
- (Squeezing sound)
Cheryl: And what about Lionel?
Did you know that quarantine
was the most challenging
chapter of their marriage?
- Uh-huh, sure was. Yeah.
- Is that true?
Shit, dude, I'm so sorry!
- No, it's fine.
- I should've reached out more.
- Hey, it's fine,
it's totally-no, don't worry.
- Well, I can see why
she wanted to move here!
I mean, you guys aren't
really friends at all.
- What the fuck did you
just say?!
- You heard me.
- Whoa! Whoa, whoa!
Guys, stop! - Whoaaaa... okay.
- No, it's fine. It's fine.
- I think I choose nose!
- Sink or swim, baby turtle!
- Oh! What are you doing?! Ah!
- Come on!
- What is she doing?
- Kate, grab her legs!
- No!
- Anne, help me!
- Absolutely not!
- Is this fun,
or should I fight it?
Cheryl! Ohhh!
- Oh my God!
- VAL!
Cheryl: That's too far!
- Stop it, Val!
- Owww!
- Val, no!
- Quick, help me get her
in the pool!
- Mom!
- Ben-Ben! How was your date!
Tomé: Wait, uh,
are you gonna drown me?
- It's not always like this.
- Okay, thanks for coming, guys.
Safe flying.
- Uh, once again,
I feel the need to apologize.
- Yep.
- You were terrifying.
- I was in a small town
girl gang.
- Yeah, we gathered that, Val.
Pretty clear.
- Well, I'd appreciate it
if we could keep this
amongst us gals?
(Frankie, Anne, and Kate laugh)
- Are you sure you're gonna be
okay?
- Yeah. Of course.
- All right, well,
I'm just like, a phone
call away. You just like,
shoot me a ringle,
or ding me a tingle, or...
- I'll call, Frank.
- (Blows a kiss)
- (Sniffs)
You just blink at me right now,
I will buy you a plane ticket.
You hop on with us,
we'll figure out everything
when we land.
- Dude. I live here now.
- All right.
Hey, I'm...
I'm sorry I didn't know
that stuff Cheryl said.
- Oh! I...
- If I could've called more.
It's just the last few
months have been so...
- Crazy. Yeah, totally.
I mean, I-I could've
called more, too.
I just needed to give this
place a chance, you know?
- Yeah, that makes sense.
Look, just promise me you're
gonna keep pushing, you know?
You gotta find purpose here.
- Kate, I know. I get it.
- And hey, for the record,
I really like it.
(Both laugh)
(Plane roars overhead)
♪♪♪
(Wheels rattle)
♪♪♪
- You're gonna be all right?
- Yeah! (Laughs)
♪♪♪
(Sighs)
(Line ringing)
- Hey you! How was dropping
off the ladies?
- Fine, yeah.
Hey, so I've been giving it
some thought and...
could you see if they're
still looking to fill
that shrink gig at your office?
- Yes! Seriously?
Anne, , I am so proud of you.
This, this is gonna be great!
- Yeah. Uh-huh.
Uh, hey, I gotta go. - Okay.
Okay, I love you! - Love you.
- Now, have you taken
anti-anxiety medication before?
- It's been a while, but yeah.
- Okay, well, you've been
prescribed 1.5 milligrams,
to be taken orally
at your discretion.
Now, there are several warnings
with benzodiazepine.
(Pills rattle)
You should contact
your doctor...
♪♪♪
♪ Let's go girls ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Come on! ♪
Anne: Next time,
on "Workin' Moms:"
Are you sure you should be
chasing pills with champagne?
- You don't think that you
might be able to maybe...
write us a scrip for some more?
- I got you an interview
at my office
to take over Mallory's
mat leave!
- That seems very soon,
is that very soon?
- Kate Foster, very sorry
to keep you waiting.
- Not at all!
Uh, it's a pleasure
to finally meet you, Sloan.
- Do we not deserve to blow off
a little steam
every now and then,
with a couple of meat boys?
- Absol... sorry, "meat boys?!"