Wonder Woman (1975–1979): Season 3, Episode 23 - Phantom of the Roller Coaster, Part 1 - full transcript

Who's there?

Look, I'm warning you.
This is a restricted area.

If I catch you,
there goes your ride pass.

Stupid kids.

Look, I'm warning you.

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♪ Wonder Woman ♪♪

Car problems, huh?



Nothing seems to be
going right today.

Well, today would be a good day
to stay home and knit.

Well, it all depends on what
kind of pattern you've bought.

You got help coming?

No. Not that I know of.

Just checking, Miss Prince.

You know, it wouldn't do
if you'd have been followed

by one of your coworkers now,
would it?

Believe me,
no one would suspect

that it was me who leaked
that confidential file.

You know, it's gonna be
a pleasure dealing

with a double agent
who's above reproach.

Listen, it's taken me
four very long years

to build up a sterling
reputation with the IADC



and I think it's about time
it paid off.

I take it then you are
interested in my latest offer?

I couldn't care less
about unscrambling

White House phone conversations.

What? Wha..

Somebody else is interested

to the tune of $100,000.

'Who?'

That isn't for you to know
or find out.

Now we're gonna do everything
just like we did it before.

Only instead of having one week
to get me the information

you have two days.

- Two days?
- Or no deal.

Well, there's only one person
I know of

that likes to work that fast.

Harrison Fynch.

'Oh, come on,
the IADC is very much aware'

'of Mr. Fynch's
domestic spying operations.'

They just don't know
what, when, where or how.

That should do it, lady.

You do everything I told you
and you'll be all set.

Hey, I think I deserve to know
who I'm selling to.

'Now you just be real careful
and that baby will take you'

'oh, say, 100,000 miles,
yes, sir.'

- How did you do that?
- Oh, that?

Well, you haven't seen
anything yet.

Now is it Harrison Fynch
that wants to buy

the information
from Diana Prince?

- Yes.
- Where is he?

All I know
is that he's settin' up

a surveillance operation here.

- Here? In Washington?
- Yes.

Well, who's your contact
in Fynch's organization?

I'm meeting with a man.

Well,
somebody's going to meet him.

I'm afraid it won't be you.

Now who is he

and where is this little
rendezvous to take place?

A man with a crutch,
a cafeteria at 8th and Curtis.

Password?

"The pound cake's stale, so why
don't you try the apple pie?"

"The pound cake's stale, so why
don't you try the apple pie?"

'Uh, Harris.'

Fynch, Harrison Fynch.

- 'Right.'
- Thank you.

'Right, Harrison Fynch.'

Sorry.
I got a mind like a sieve.

My secretary says
I drink so much of this stuff

it just-just flushes everything
right out of my brain.

Alright, let's see now.
You're here to discuss..

Uh, what is it? Insurance?

I'm here to discuss buying
your amusement park, Mr. Gurney.

Oh. Well, that's easy.
It's not for sale.

Everything is for sale,
Mr. Gurney.

Everything
and everyone has a price.

- I don't wanna sell.
- Perhaps not at this moment.

No. Not at any moment.

'Look.'

My brother and I dreamed
about owning a place like this

ever since we were little kids
in kindergarten.

Davey, that's my brother,
he thought up

practically half the rides
in this place.

You see that Super Loop back
there? Davey designed that.

American History class,
junior year in high school.

'And when that Super Loop was
installed here three years ago'

'it put this place
right on the map.'

So it was your brother, David,
who designed that Super Loop?

Right.
You might almost say that

in order to make history,
old Davey had to flunk it.

Well, then, uh, perhaps it's
David I should be speaking to.

No, David's dead.
Missing in action in Vietnam.

Look, what I'm trying
to say is, uh, Mr. Fynch

is that I have no reason
or desire to sell.

Listen, as long as I'm up,
please.

Mr. Gurney,
please don't misunderstand me.

I, uh, the reason
for my visit here today

is simply to let you know that

well, should a reason
develop for you to, um

to want to sell
at sometime in the future

well, you have a very, um..

...very eager
and a very qualified buyer

at your beck and call.

Well, I'll tell you again,
there's no way

I'm ever gonna sell.

In spite of the migraines
and the ulcers, I've..

...I've got way too much
invested in this place.

Well, thank you for your time,
Mr. Gurney.

Fynch plans to set up operations
in Washington?

It sounds that way.

The information
that I was using to bait him

is the kind that he usually
likes to buy and sell.

It's top secret, exotic

extremely valuable
on the black market.

But apparently, this time

he was planning on keeping
what he bought for himself.

So he intends to set up
some kind of a system

to monitor shortwave
phone conversations.

Yeah, it's probably
only a part of his plan.

With his expertise,
he'll find a way

to monitor all communications.

Well, having him headquartered
in Washington

is like having a shark
in a public swimming pool.

You're not kidding.

Before long, foreign countries
are gonna know more

about our government than we do.
What you got, Beverly?

You know, Steve,
we've been trying

to bust this guy
for three years.

- It's now or never.
- I'm gonna check with Ira.

See if he can come up with
a lead as to Fynch's next move

now that we know
what he intends to do.

I think that's a good idea.

Meanwhile, I've got..

Beep, beep.

Hi.

How does he do that?

What? Make those noises?

No. Get into rooms
when all the doors are closed.

I don't know about you,
but I've been afraid to ask.

Good. Come here.

- See this?
- A 50-cent piece?

It's a bug. Something
our lab boys dreamed up.

Thanks to our friend
Wonder Woman

I have a little rendezvous

with one of Fynch's operatives
this afternoon.

And this will give us a chance

to beat Harrison Fynch
at his own game.

And I'm going to cash in

on my newly established career
as a double agent.

You should learn to play chess,
Mr. Pierce.

- Wonderful for the mind.
- Are you kidding?

I have enough trouble
with checkers.

Hold all calls.

'I'm only tellin' you
what I saw.'

'That's what you think you saw.'

'What I saw, and I'm not
the only one, Mr. Gurney.'

Half the kids that work here

have seen it lurking
around the Super Loop.

What did it do? Maul you?

Carry off screaming patrons?

Leave gigantic footprints
in the concrete?

'No, but I'm tellin' you,
there's something in this park'

that shouldn't be here.

I saw it,
it's real and it's horrible.

'And it's wrong
to keep it a secret.'

The only thing
that I'm covering up

is the fact
that I exercise poor judgment

when I hire guys like you
to work.

Now you can this nonsense or I'm
gonna give your job to somebody

with a little more respect
for the truth.

I resent being called a liar,
Mr. Gurney.

'And I resent you spreading
the irresponsible rumor'

'that my Fun Universe
is haunted'

'by some kind
of depraved monster!'

'The public and the press
are squirrelly enough'

'when it comes to us amusement
parks, you understand?'

Someday,
you're gonna be real sorry

you kept this thing a secret.

And I intend to be around
to say I told you so.

Something strike you funny,
Mr. Fynch?

Yes, Mr. Pierce.

I just discovered a way
to force Mr. Gurney

to sell me
that amusement park of his.

- Miss Patrick?
- Yeah?

I-I heard you're taking
a bunch of kids to Fun Universe.

- That's right.
- Well, can I go, please?

Oh, Randy, I..

...I could only wangle
a limited number of free passes.

'I was gonna take
the younger children.'

Well, you're gonna need somebody
to help watch them.

Well, Jeff is coming along.

Oh, let me do it.

Jeff is older than you, Randy.
He's more responsible.

I'm responsible.

Please, Miss Patrick, he's been
there before and I haven't.

They've got roller coasters
there, three of them.

You and your roller coasters.

Look, I can watch the kids
just as good as he can.

Alright. We'll be leaving
at 2 o'clock sharp.

Yes, ma'am.

Are you sure
I didn't give them to you?

You said you'd take care of it
yourself.

I distinctly remember
putting it in a manila envelope.

I'll write up some new passes.
The kids will just have to wait.

Alright,
we've got O for orphanage.

Never mind, Mr. Gurney.
I'll take care of it.

Nothing.

P. P, Pat..

"Patrick Home For Boys."

Twelve ride passes.
What did I tell you, hm?

- I'm telling you.
= Yeah, I know.

'Flushes everything
right out of my brain.'

Alright, it appears
our friend Mr. Gurney

is a bit of a philanthropist.

I have to remember that

when I take over
his amusement park.

Good for my image.

'Ah.'

'Your move, Mr. Pierce.'

Oh. Like I said, Mr. F

checkers is hard enough,
I don't get this game.

'Play.'

When is your appointment,
by the way?

I told Thorpe I'd meet him
in about half an hour.

'Randy. Randy, come on.'

The pound cake is stale.

Why don't you try the apple pie?

I, uh..

...had the apple pie yesterday.

It's not that good.

I know you expected the password

to be given by a man,
Mr. Pierce..

'...but when I have information
to sell'

I don't use a go-between.

I don't know what
you're talking about, Diana.

Why don't you have a seat?

Okay, so you know who I am
and I know who you are.

You must also know what kind of
information I have to sell you.

Not interested.

Well, Mr. Fynch might think
differently.

After all, Thorpe did trust me
enough to allow me

to take his place
at this little rendezvous.

My boss likes things done
his way.

Your being here in person
isn't part of his plan.

So..

...pleasure.

Excuse me, sir.

You have left your change.

Got him.

Let's arrange a meeting
so that you can at least

talk to Fynch, okay?

Let's just say the deal's off.

'Thanks, lady.'

Miss Patrick.

Tommy here says
he lost his ride pass.

He said the string broke
and it blew away.

He must have been playing
with it.

Where were you
when this happened, Randy?

You're supposed
to be watching them.

That's why you're along.

Well, look,
just tell me where to go

'and I'll get him another one.'

Those passes were donated to us.

I'm not gonna have
the park owner think

we're taking advantage of him
by asking for another one.

Tommy is just gonna have
to suffer the consequences

of your unreliability.

My..

Here.

Take mine.

But you so much as touch it,
I'll break your arms.

Now tell me,
which way did yours blow?

That way.

Terrific.

You better go on and catch up
with the other guys

so you don't get lost
and I get blamed for that too.

Hey!

Is anybody there?

Is anybody down here?

I'll never get out of here.

Somebody there?

Is anybody down here?

'Hello?'

'Yeah.'

Diana, lunch is ready.
Come on in.

- Listen to this.
- We got a feed?

I take back
all the rotten things

I ever said about the lab boys.

That 50-cent piece
works like a charm.

- Great. Is tape rolling?
- Sure is. Let's eat.

But it wasn't Thorpe
who showed up.

It was that Prince woman
herself.

Good pickles.

'Said she didn't need
any middleman.'

'I told her to forget it.'

'You don't do business
that way.'

He must be talking to Fynch.

Well, then I got out of there.

I'll tell you something though.

'That Diana Prince is a heck
of a lot better-looking'

'in real life
than she is in pictures.'

Well, I'm sure there are
many people outside the IADC

who can supply me
with the technical information

I'll require, Mr. Pierce.

Right now, however,
you'll find a bomb.

Yeah. I can pick it up.

I'm only about 2 miles
from there.

'What kind of bomb is it
and where do I plant it?'

Fine.

But tell me,
what is a Crazy Wheel?

Mr. Pierce,
it's a sort of a Ferris wheel.

You'll find the name to be quite
appropriate once you've seen it.

Oh, poor Mr. Gurney.

He's just discovered
a youngster has disappeared

from his amusement park.

Last night a monster.

Today a missing orphan.

Tomorrow a terrible accident.

It appears that, uh, bad luck
does run in threes, Mr. Pierce.

'Pretty soon, he'll beg you
to buy his place.'

'Talk to you tomorrow,
Mr. Fynch, after the noon news.'

This is the biggest break
we've ever had, Diana.

We nail him planting that bomb

and it's the beginning
of the end for Mr. Fynch.

What? You know where they intend
to plant it?

Take a look at this.

'Now Ira's been theorizing
just how Fynch might go about'

'setting up a major surveillance
operation here in Washington.'

'And according to what
we just heard'

'this is the most likely
possibility.'

Isn't that Fun Universe
amusement park?

It's a perfect cover for him.

It's a legitimate enterprise,
constant crowds

lots of diversions,
a perfect place for agents

to rendezvous
and pass information.

And since we already know
that Fynch is particularly fond

'of microwave
telephone conversations--'

'Yes, that tower would be

'a perfect place
to set up monitoring equipment.'

- 'Exactly.'
- 'And that's the Crazy Wheel?'

Yeah, which they apparently
intend to sabotage

in order to encourage
the park owners to sell out.

'Uh, you checked
all the rest rooms'

all the concession booths?

Okay, here's what I want.
I want you to post

three guys at every exit
until closing time.

If he isn't found then, I want
you to organize a dragnet.

Are you certain that
that boy did not leave the park

and hitch-hike home?

No, Randy would never have left

until the absolutely
last minute.

He was fascinated
by the rides here.

The roller coasters
in particular

and especially that one.

Oh, alright.

I'll double-check the security

around the roller coaster
grounds.

No. No offense, Mr. Gurney

but I think it's time
the police were notified.

There's no need for that.
I mean, my people will find him.

'Your people were trained
to run an amusement park'

'not to find lost children.'

'May I?'

Who's there?

Who is it?

'He's got a tool case.'

'He's going in as a member
of the cleanup crew.'

- 'I'm following.'
- Now wait a minute.

You sure
you don't need some help?

If you lose him, we'll have to
tell the park not to open today.

Then Fynch will know
we're on to him.

I have no intention
of losing him, Steve.

Wait. Wait!

Please, don't be frightened.

It's alright.

Are you gonna help me
get out of here?

I can't let you leave.

What are you gonna do with me?

I don't know.

'Yeah, we had a team out
looking for him all last night.'

And, no, the boy
is definitely not in the park.

Nothing like this
has ever happened before.

Look, didn't I already answer
that question?

What do you want?

There's a Diana Prince
out here to see you.

'I never heard of her.
Give her an appointment.'

'Like, two years from today.'

- Mr. Gurney--
- Kidnapping?

Listen, you use that word
on your newscast

'you got yourself a libel suit,
buddy.'

Did you ever ride
the Super Loop?

If so, in a way, I was there.

See, I designed this ride.

I know it better
than anybody up top.

I know where it's likely
to weaken.

They don't.

So I keep tabs on it
from down here.

I try to let them know
when they should make repairs.

My name's Dave.

It's not contagious.

What happened to you?

Vietnam.

I was flying in a chopper
filled with napalm.

I let everyone think
the explosion had killed me.

You see, my brother owns
the amusement park upstairs.

Having a face like mine around
isn't too good for business..

...unless you wanna charge
a buck a stare.

Besides..

...he's got enough problems
as it is.

What's that?

That's some kind of bomb.

- Trevor.
- 'Hi.'

Diana, how did it go?

Well, I've got some good news
and some bad news.

Preferences to order?

Yeah, give me
the good news first.

Okay, well, Fynch's man

was not able to plant that bomb
in the park.

You recovered it?

Uh, you sitting down yet?

Uh-oh. Well, where is it?
Still in the park?

Uh, I think so.

'What do you mean,
you think so?'

It's a long story, Steve.

Listen, I'm gonna grab a late
breakfast and then head on in.

Any development?

Yeah, you didn't happen to see
a missing teenager

in the park there, did you?

No, I sure didn't.

- 'Okay.'
- Okay, I'll talk to you later.

Yeah, that's real good.

Run off about, uh, 200 of these.
Post them around the park.

Will do. Uh, by the way, you got
a call earlier from Mr. Fynch.

- Who's that?
- He said he was here yesterday.

He gave me his phone number.
Wanted to make sure you had it.

It's probably about insurance.

Please, please, please, make
these phones stop ringing.

I got nothing to say to anybody.

Afraid that's not quite true,
Mr. Gurney.

Well, how could that
not be true, sergeant?

I think we spent three hours

talking with each other
last night.

That was before
I did some talking

to some of your employees.

Now what is this they tell me
about a monster in the park?

Money is no object
as long as you can assure me

the job will be done
immediately.

I realize she's an IADC agent.

I realize that too.

Why do you suppose
no one has ever succeeded?

No.

It's because
no one has ever said

"Get Diana Prince
whatever the cost."

I'm saying it to you, am I not?

She's been interfering
with my affairs

and I want her dead
by the end of the day.

Whatever it takes.

Fine.

I'll be waiting.

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

♪ Wonder Woman ♪♪