Wonder Woman (1975–1979): Season 3, Episode 15 - The Starships Are Coming - full transcript

We've got to stop
meeting like this.

Oh, come on, Mary Lou.

We will never be able
to stop meeting like this.

Well, don't think about it.

We have to think
about it.

Henry,
what are we gonna do?

I wanna get married.

Well, so do I,
more than anything.

Look, our parents
hate each other

and we're the ones
who suffer.

We've got to elope.



Hon, we've been through that.

If I ran off with you

my folks would cut me off

without a penny.

No money,
no journalism school.

No journalism school,
no future.

'Course, uh..

Well, I was thinking
that..

...if we did elope..

...and then we sold
this car of yours, we could--

Are you kidding,
if I ran away with you

my folks would have
this car repossessed faster

than we could
get it out of the garage.

Oh.



What are we gonna do?

Oh, my gosh!

Oh, my gosh!

- What is it?
- Wh.. I-it's a UFO.

Just like the one
that Jake saw last night.

- What're you doing?
- I'm gonna get a picture of it.

- No, Henry. Stay here.
- Are you nuts?

This is the chance
of a lifetime!

Henry, no!

No, Henry!

Henry!

Where are you going?

Henry.

Please come back.

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

♪ Wonder Woman ♪♪

'Terror and tragedy
seem quite out of place'

'in the small, quiet town
of Barryville.'

'Yet for the past week,
strange light formations'

have violated
its night skies.

More UFOs have been sighted
here in the last five days

than were sighted in the whole
country this past year.

But last night,
the terror here in Barryville

reached new dimensions

when one of its citizens,
Henry Wilson

inexplicably, and perhaps
tragically, disappeared.

'Do you think they should
call the police?'

- 'They should do something.'
- 'They should call the police.'

'Yes.'

'Oh, I'm sure
they will call them.'

Excuse me. Excuse me.

- Mrs. Wilson?
- Yes.

I'm Diana Prince with the IADC.

'I know that you're very upset,
but I would like'

'to ask you a few questions.'

- Mrs-Mrs. Wilson?
- Is that alright?

- I suppose.
- 'A-a..'

A few words with you, please.

Um, it was your son
who disappeared..

Are we rolling?

It was your son
who disappeared, uh

in, in those UFO
sightings last night?

Yes.

'Could you speak
just a bit louder'

for our cameras, please?

Yes, it was my son, Henry.

What makes you assume
that he was abducted

by creatures
from outer space?

Henry said he was going
to the library.

'He was a student at State,
you know.'

He studies so hard.

I, I know it's very
painful, Mrs. Wilson

but please go on.

'Well, Henry always walked
to the library.'

In fact, he walked
almost everywhere..

'...especially at night.'

But what makes you
so sure he was abducted?

Well, because to get
to the library

he'd have had to pass
by that field

'where our neighbor Jake
saw one of those...things'

the night before.

Oh, it's like Henry
was just picked up

and whisked away
by some awful creature!

'But what of the fact
that your son Henry'

'may be the world's first
intergalactic space traveler?'

Isn't that some solace
to you, Mrs. Wilson?

Would you hold the picture
to our cameras, please?

Please.

I just want him back.

He belongs here
in Barryville.

Not out there.

Did you say you were
with the government?

Yes, the IADC.

I'm trying to find out
about those sightings.

I've been hoping an outsider
like you would show up.

Why?

What I know I can't say

to anybody in town.

What? About this
abduction nonsense?

It isn't nonsense.

Henry really was
captured by a UFO.

'I have proof.'

If anyone in town ever found out
Henry was in my car last night

my folks would never let me
out of the house again.

That's why I've had
to keep this a secret.

Tape recorder?

See, Henry's
a journalism student.

He and his equipment
are inseparable.

He says he always wants
to be ready for the big story.

You mean
he had this with him

when he was carried off
by that UFO you saw?

Uh-huh. Well, he must
have dropped it.

Play it.

'Object in front of me'

'is about 14 feet by 20.'

'Made of a, of a metallic
substance similar to, uh..'

'Well, well, it looks
like silver rubber.'

'It's oblong and ringed with
blinding red and white lights.'

'And, and now.. Wait.'

'Something's coming out
of the bottom.'

'It.. Yes. Beings.'

'Beings from another planet.'

'Uh..'

'T-t-they're small,
about 5'4".'

'Grayish with,
with no features.'

'Uh, th-they're coming closer.'

'I-it's okay..'

You see?
They really did take him.

'Attention!
Emergency alert in progress.'

'Please clear the streets.'

- Where outside Barryville?
- 'I don't know.'

Well, quit picking
your toes and find out.

I'm in Barryville
right now

in case you imbeciles
back there have forgotten.

Excuse me.
What's going on here?

We're being attacked by a fleet
of starships, that's all.

'It's the biggest news
story since the flood.'

- What?
- You don't have a television?

There's a battle
going on between us

and the aliens
from outer space

somewhere in these hills,
and we're losing.

'And we're just sitting here.
Come on, Mack!'

How about showing me
where a phone is?

Okay, come on.

Hey, hey, you're not part
of a news team, are you?

- When did it start?
- About ten minutes ago.

First it was only on CBS

but now all the networks
have a feed.

'They're convinced
it's for real, colonel.'

I've never seen
anything like it.

The starships are annihilating

everything in their path.

'Nothing can escape
their lasers.'

Lord help us all.

I don't think anything
can stop them.

Yeah?

No, not now.
Hold all my calls.

'The small group
of farmers and deputies'

'who are making
a courageous stand'

'in this field here
are certainly'

'no match for the incredibly'

devastating...weaponry

that is being displayed
by this group of aliens.

Alright,
we're all on red alert

until somebody gets
to the bottom of this thing.

'Above all, stay calm.'

All we know is what
we've seen on television.

It's probably
some kind of a hoax

or a colossal mistake.

At any rate,
we all have our jobs to do

so let's do 'em.

Uh, Bobbie..

...I want you
to contact the media

especially television.

'Tell 'em
to bottle this thing up.'

'We don't want
mass hysteria.'

Now, if they ask
for a statement

simply say, "The government

does not confirm any of it."

- Right, colonel.
- Uh, Bobbie, one more thing.

I want you to find
the television feed

that the networks
have been picking up.

Already have, colonel.

Apparently, an unlicensed
pirate station

in Pennsylvania
is relaying the broadcast.

Where in Pennsylvania?

Just outside Barryville

where you sent Diana.

The broadcast stopped abruptly
about ten minutes ago

but according
to our satellite sensors

the feed originated
at an unlicensed transmitter

about nine miles
west of Barryville.

Well, I wanna hear back
from you in exactly one hour.

Is that understood?

Okay. Goodbye.

Diana's trying
to locate the people

who were broadcasting
that battle.

And she also said
to be on the lookout

for a tape that she had
messengered over here.

'She wants the lab boys
to test its authenticity.'

Will do, meanwhile,
there's about ten zillion people

to see you
about this invasion.

One of whom is a UFO man,
Colonel Robert Elliot.

- Oh, good.
- Oh, no. I'll get him.

There's likely to be a riot

if you poke your head
out there.

I don't know why they..

Colonel Elliot,
he'll see you now.

Colonel Trevor..

- Long time, colonel.
- It has. It's nice to see you.

Alright. Now, as the Air Force's
leading expert in UFOs

do you have any theories?

Well, all I can say is
I'm on my way to the airport

then to Pittsburgh,
and on to Barryville

for a firsthand look
at whatever we're up against.

I'm sorry to hear that.

I was hoping you were in
on this thing

to prove it a hoax.

I'm afraid not.

One of our pilots
has spotted

what looks like
the battle site

in the foothills
of the Alleghenies.

That is a fact
which I trust

will go no further
than this office.

Well, of course. You mean
there really is an invasion?

Well, again,
all I can say is that

we're facing
a situation here

that warrants swift
and careful investigation.

Can't the authorities
in Pennsylvania handle it?

Well, we haven't been able to
reach any of our people there.

The matter is much too delicate
to, to enlist

the State's
law enforcement agencies.

We can't risk panicking
the public any further.

I'm sorry to blindside you
like this, colonel.

But I couldn't discuss it
with you on the phone.

Yeah, I understand.

Now, let me ask you this.

Are you being sent
to Barryville

because of your past work

with Project Blue Book?

Or because of your
present involvement

with our nuclear
weapons program?

Well, let me
put it this way.

My superiors felt that
not only was I the best person

to figure out what
we're up against..

...but they also felt
that I was the best person

to figure out...how
to eliminate it.

I have to go, colonel.

You know, I just got word
that someone in Barryville

was apparently abducted
last night by a UFO.

And I didn't give it
much credence until now.

How did you come
by that information?

We sent one of our agents
up there to see

if there is anything
to the UFO sightings.

My Lord.

They wiped out
every last one of them.

A handful
of defenseless farmers

county deputies

destroyed like paper dolls.

Well, not necessarily,
general.

- What are you talking about?
- The TV crew.

Whoever recorded the battle
is not here.

Looks as if they,
and only they, got out alive.

Hmm.

Almost as if those monsters
wanted to make sure

the whole world
witnessed this.

Well, this is what
I suggest we do, general.

We cordon off an area
on the other side

of that ridge there
to decoy the public.

It'll give us a chance
to take soil samples

and test for radioactivity
without causing a panic.

And above all,
we have to locate that TV crew.

They're the only true
witnesses we have.

Fine, Elliot.

We'll lead the public to believe
the whole thing a hoax

until we know exactly
what has happened.

But in the meantime,
I'm calling the joint chiefs.

We've got to put together
some kind of defense.

Quietly, of course.

I, uh..

...was told I could
count on you

where nuclear strategy
was concerned.

You apparently
are one of the few

with access to Koontzville.

Yes, sir, that's correct.

I pray it doesn't come
to that, nuclear weapons.

Of course, Elliot.
So do I.

But they might be
our only recourse

in light of what
we've seen here.

Well, let's get
things rolling.

Uh, colonel..

...if you'd like to look around
a little more

I can go back with them,
make some calls

check back for you
in an hour.

Yeah. I'd like that, Jerry.
Thank you.

You know..

...I spent 13 years
with Project Blue Book.

Investigating phenomena
that's turned out

to be everything
from...weather satellites

to flocks of geese.

Always finding an explanation..

...and always hoping
deep down inside me..

...that I wouldn't.

But this..

Maybe this..

...is finally the real thing.

I'm telling you,
let me out of here!

Do you hear me?

I haven't done anything!

I'm bigger than you

and you don't frighten me.

Okay. Okay,
so you got me on that one.

'Come no closer,
Colonel Elliot.'

If the others see us here,
you will surely be destroyed.

You.. You know who I am?

Our superiors
have been monitoring

you and others
in your government.

'That is how we know
you can help us.'

How, how I can help you?

'Our superiors
intend to destroy'

'all life on your planet'

in order to mine its
metal bearing resources.

They must be stopped.

Not only to save your planet

but to show others
in our solar system

'that such slaughter
will not be tolerated.'

What can I do?

Destroy our starship fleet

before it launches
its major attack.

How?

Send nuclear warheads

to a location

1-1-8 degrees longitude

4-2 degrees latitude.

That's in the middle of
the People's Republic of China.

Our superiors' plan

to launch the attack from here
was foiled.

'They intend now to land'

'at those coordinates.'

But nuclear warheads
will destroy

not only the starship..

...but millions
of innocent people as well.

Were you to try
to warn them

our superiors would find out

and simply land somewhere else.

'You must launch the warheads
within two hours.'

'And you must tell no one.'

Must be some other way.

'Saving billions of lives'

'throughout the universe'

cannot be achieved
without sacrifice.

The two of us
will be on the mother ship

when you destroy it.

'There is no other way.'

I just don't know if I can.

'You were hoping before'

'that this would finally
be the real thing.'

To our mutual sorrow, colonel,
indeed it is.

'Colonel, you ready
to go back?'

Yes. Yes, I am.

I've got a lot to do.

Anything new
on the invasion broadcast?

- Nothing new, colonel.
- Good.

That's just what
I finished telling them.

Here's some more material
IRA tracked down

on the pirate station
outside Barryville.

Here's our lunch

and here, I'm told,
is Diana.

You're exactly
25 minutes late.

Yes, I know.

The worst of it is
that I ran into some car trouble

while I was trying to locate
that pirate transmitter.

I never got there,
wherever it is.

Well, I guess
you could've said

you ran into some little
green men

from outer space.

Yes, I suppose I could have.

Steve, somebody has taken
some pretty definite steps

to see that people don't
get near that transmitter.

'My car trouble
was very well planned.'

Hey, IRA just dug up
some interesting clues

that might relate
to the transmitter's operation.

Such as?

'Such as...a large amount'

'of heavy duty
electronic equipment'

'recently purchased
and believed to be moved'

to the Barryville area.

Now, that's the kind
of electronic equipment

that could put a TV station
into operation.

'It seems that several
low-profile types are involved.'

By low-profile, I mean people
of questionable affiliations.

You know, shady characters,
that sort of thing.

Anyone in particular?

One of them
is Mason Steele.

I've heard of him.

He's an Ultra Right-wing
fanatic.

He's also on the FBI's
keep-an-eye-on list.

Yeah, especially when
there's something involving

Communist China.

I'm gonna take another shot

at locating
that pirate transmitter.

- Has my tape arrived yet?
- 'No, not yet.'

Boy, with everything
I've heard today

the idea of somebody being

kidnapped by a starship

is beginning to sound tame.

I know what you mean.

At least let me have
some air in here!

I'm suffocating!

Do you hear me?

I'm gonna die on you
if you don't get me some air!

That's more like it,
you creeps.

Air..

I presume
you're trespassing

because you're unbearably
anxious to meet us.

Therefore,
my name is Mason--

Steele.

- And your name?
- I know her.

She's Diana Prince
with the IADC.

That's right.

We're on to you, Mr. Steele.

Oh, I don't think so.

I think my name was only
one of a dozen or so

that your agency
pulled out of a hat.

Well, just so that
you're not too surprised

when the others get here.

You were supposed
to be caught here

snooping to throw
me off guard.

Is that what you want me
to believe, Miss Prince?

'Well, I think not.'

'I think you bungled across'

my little warehouse
accidentally.

And you shall leave
the same way.

Accidentally.

'A tragedy, of course.'

But all that'll have
to wait to the future

until I finish
my work here.

'You will be privileged
to observe'

'how these facilities work.'

Well, I'd like that very much.

What you'd like very much

is to come across
a means of escape.

But you won't.

Only about 20
more miles, colonel.

That road may come up
a little before that.

I'll let you know.

You know the significance
of Koontzville, Jerry?

Only that it has something to do
with nuclear missiles.

Less than a dozen people
know where it is.

Even fewer know how to unleash
what lies there.

Is that why we're going there,
colonel?

Just drive faster.

Alright, alright, everybody.

Look alive, we've got
a show to get on the air.

Jim, are we on?

Can anybody hear us, Jim?

I don't know if we're
transmitting anymore

but in case we are

'in case anyone out there
can hear me'

there are only
two of us left.

We've been hiding..

...ever since
the starships devastated

that pitifully outmatched
group of men this morning.

And we've been watching.

Watching as more and more
starships gather.

They appear to be, um,
r-rendezvousing..

'Course, it'll be
much more effective

when we add
the sound effects

and key in the starships
behind them.

We'll do that at
the transmitter down the road

when we broadcast.

And, of course,
you will be sure

to scramble the transmission

with enough electronic static

so that no one can tell
it's a taped transmission

and not a live broadcast,
correct?

Grossly underrated
medium, television.

The starships are flying
out of sight

over the horizon.

Not simply upwards
into the heavens..

If anyone out there
can hear me..

'What I've seen today..'

'...this nightmare
of-of wanton destruction'

'this display of-of merciless,
mindless violence..'

'From what I've seen today'

I'm terrified, not for myself.

A-as I've said, the starships
appear to be leaving this area.

'I'm terrified
for the whole of humanity.'

I'm terrified
that I've just seen

the beginning of the end
for all of us.

Jim, they've seen us!
Get out, Jim! Get out!

Okay, cut it.

Ed says he'll sweeten
that last bit

with the special effects.

Good. Get it to the transmitter
quickly.

I want this broadcast
on the air

in less than half an hour.

The first battle,
we shot a lot of exteriors.

And you saw, very impressive.

So, you were responsible

for the UFO sightings
over Barryville.

It was meant to whet
the public's appetite

for my little invasion.

I see,
you made a UFO out of a blimp

and some colored lights.

Combined with the appropriate
sound effects

it could even fool
a Martian or two.

The kid got away.

It's alright.

If and when he
reaches the authorities

it'll be too late.

The young man
that you saw earlier

he came across
our UFO unexpectedly.

'It was necessary
to detain him.'

And the rest of your cast?

They were supposed
to discourage

potential meddlers.

They, and certain foreign
objects in the road.

They also serve
a noble purpose.

Speaking of which, Mr. Steele,

I'd like to hear yours.

Why the hoax?

What can you possibly
hope to accomplish?

Well, I'll spare you
the details.

Suffice it to say
I'm serving my country..

...even as you, perhaps.

Except that my hands
are not tied

with red tape
and political expediency.

I am free to act

'to destroy the enemies
of the United States..'

'...to do what every
freedom-loving patriot knows'

has to be done.

I have seen to it

that at the end of the day

the entire heartland
of Red China

will be obliterated
in nuclear holocaust.

You really are insane.

We all have our passions.

Mine is to see
that democracy outlives

every other form
of government.

'The others?'

They play the lead

in a magnificent
cosmic tragedy.

I don't even see a town,
let alone a missile site.

Well, you're seeing exactly what
you're supposed to see, nothing.

Make a right
on that dirt road up there.

- Everybody's all set.
- Good.

We'll just see to it that
Miss Prince gets covered up

along with the rest
of our tracks

and be off
to the station.

I have an aversion
to loud noises, Mr. Steele.

I dare say you won't
hear this one for long.

In a way, for your sake

I almost hope you never
realize the truth.

That you have done more
to destroy democracy

than any communist country
ever dreamed of doing.

Put a gag on her mouth.

I don't have to listen
to these obscenities

from someone who has
never done anything

to see that her
country prevails

on the face of the earth.

Just give us time enough
to clear the building.

Three minutes.

At least you're about to die,
in a sense, for your country.

And that's more
than you deserve.

Hey!

Hey!

I was wondering
what happened to you.

It was a good thing I came back
to look for my camera.

You know, those jerks
better not have damaged it.

It's bad enough they already
dropped my tape recorder.

Oh, hang on. I'll have
you free in a second.

Oh, for crying out loud,
look!

- What maniac tied this..
- Look!

Holy criminy.
That's a.. It's a bomb!

Yes, that's what I have been
trying to tell you.

Oh, hold on.

Henry..

Alright, now, Henry,
just think.

Um, that, uh, that news clip
you saw in class

'about the bomb squad.'

What's the first thing
that they did?

Um..

'Disconnected
the timing device'

from the detonator switch.

'Um..'

Never knew my heart
could beat so fast.

Henry Wilson,
I think I love you.

You know who I am.

The whole country does.

Everyone thinks
you're on your way to Mars.

No kiddin'.

Listen, I've got
to find that transmitter

they're using.

Transmitter?

Oh, no, there's no..

Wait a minute,
the old Barnes place.

There's a transmitter there?

Yeah, maybe.

Y-you see, a couple of weeks ago

some out-of-towners bought it
and started

installing all sorts
of electronic equipment.

Said that they were
with the power department.

Okay, how do I get there?

Uh, well, let's see

y-you go out to the main road

and then you make a left

and, uh, and it's about
four miles.

So, a shortcut would be straight
through the woods outside?

- Right?
- Well, yeah, I guess.

I want you to take
my car back to town.

Yeah, but how are you
gonna, uh..

I have a friend.

In the woods?

- We're going inside here?
- Yes.

And an elevator will take us
several hundred feet

down to the launch room.

Get your piece ready.

Well, looks like
Colonel Robert Elliot's

on his way down.

Funny I didn't get word
he was coming.

Well, he has A to Z clearance.

- Can anybody hear us, Jim?
- Hey, Tony.

He's on again.

I don't know if we're
transmitting anymore

but in case we are

in case anyone out there
can hear me..

...there are only
two of us left.

'As it turns out,
this broadcast'

'is just icing on the cake.'

'We haven't heard
from Jerry yet'

which means they must be
at the missile site.

How dare you do this to me,
Wonder Woman?

This is treasonous!

You weren't really
planning on leaving

were you, gentlemen?

Well, I think it's time
someone started you on your way

to getting some help,
Steele.

She must be executed,
as an example

to all those
who idolized her. Get her.

Well, we gotta do somethin'.

Come on!

On your feet!

And fight!

Stop her.

S-stop her, someone!

With patriots like you,
Mr. Steele

this country
doesn't need any enemies.

I want you to tell me
the whole plan

and if it's necessary
you're going to put me

in front of one
of those cameras in there.

Surely, you don't intend
to launch the warheads.

Colonel, you can't.

I'm one of five people
in this country who can.

N-not for myself.

As I've said, the starships

appear to be leaving this area.

I'm terrified

for the whole of humanity.

Danny, take care
of that noise.

You're activating
a fail-safe mechanism that--

That I helped design.

Which I have just overridden.

...seen the beginning
of the end..

118 degrees longitude..

Jim, they've seen us!
Just get out, Jim!

...32 degrees latitude.

It'll soon be over.

How I wish this didn't
rest on my shoulders.

Wait! Colonel, look!

No starships,
no battle, no invasion.

'Turn it up.'

The broadcast
you were just watching

and the one transmitted
earlier today

were part of a hoax.

It's a trick!
Get on with it, colonel.

...and there was not going to be
a landing in Red China

or anywhere else.

This was all for the benefit

of Colonel Robert Elliot.

He was fooled
into going to Koontzville.

'I repeat, Colonel Robert Elliot
is at Koontzville.'

Get me General Eberhart,
emergency priority.

'The broadcasts that he
and everyone else saw today'

were not live.

They were videotapes.

There's no cause for alarm

and no reason to panic.

'Colonel Elliot,
if you can hear me'

your aide is actually working
for the man behind all this.

He's been spying on you

manipulating you
with the help of some others.

Colonel, please, there has been

and will be, no invasion.

Good Lord.

The broadcast
you were just watching

and the one transmitted
earlier today

were part of a hoax.

There was never any threat
to Earth from extraterrestrials

and there was not going to be
a landing in Red China

or anywhere else.

And if Mary Lou Tompkins
is watching

Henry Wilson is safe.

Oh.

'Yeah, I talked
to Colonel Elliot'

'about a half an hour ago.'

You wouldn't wanna know
how close he came

to firing those missiles.

Well, Wonder Woman
marched Mason Steele

and his cast of thousands
into custody here.

Which I think is the most
excitement Barryville has seen

since the invention
of peanut butter.

- Tell her hello.
- Bobbie says hello.

She's kinda taken over
your desk since you left.

- 'When are you coming back?'
- Well, I'm not sure.

I think I'm gonna have to stay
to attend a wedding.

Bye.

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

♪ Wonder Woman ♪♪