Wonder Woman (1975–1979): Season 2, Episode 22 - The Murderous Missile - full transcript

- Mm.
- Hey, are you alright?

I'm sorry.
Uh, my bike, it ran out of gas.

It won't take me
where I have to go.

But your car will.

What, this was all an act
so you could steal my car?

Just stay where you are.

Hey, look,
I really don't like doing this.

I'm sorry,
but I have a very good reason.

You're not gonna leave me here

in the middle of nowhere,
are you?

Just wait on the road.
I mean, you're a beautiful girl.



Somebody's gonna come by
and pick you up.

Thanks a lot.

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

♪ Get us out from under
Wonder Woman ♪

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

♪ Wonder Woman ♪♪

Hi, sheriff.

'Well, what happened to him?'

Well, he hit his head,
uh, knocked himself out.

Mm-hmm.

- This your car?
- Yes, sir.

Did you know
he was packin' this?



It looked a lot bigger

when it was pointing at me.

Mm.

I don't think I've seen you

around these parts before,
Miss, uh--

Prince. Diana Prince.

I, uh, I was on my way
to meet a friend

when he hijacked my car.

And this friend
you say you were gonna meet?

Well, he's at the Red Mountain
Army Missile Range

about 20 miles from here and, uh

I'm already late, sheriff.

Well, I'm afraid you're gonna
have to be a little later.

I have to take you back to town,
sign a statement.

Um, what town?

Name of Burrogone.
Oh-ho, it's back there aways.

I, uh, I guess you can drive
your own car and follow me.

Um..

Alright, I guess.

Um, I-I just hope
we don't take too long.

Sheriff Beal to Home Plate.

Come in, Luther.
You read me? Over.

'Uh, did you catch up
with that guy'

'on the motorcycle yet?'

Bringing him in now.

And there's some girl

he tried to get a car away from.

Bringing her in too.

So tell everybody
to get into their song

and dance. Over and out.

You better, uh, take your car
over to Ernie's and gas up.

It's the last gas station
in 100 miles.

Okay. Thanks, sheriff.

I'll join you
as soon as we lock him up.

Okay.

Thank you.

Get the other end.

Get out of here, dog!

"Mac MacDonald." Huh?

- Mmm.
- He's, he's coming around.

Oh, swell.

That's all we need is for him
to start shooting off his mouth

while I'm getting a statement
from that girl.

You want I should, uh, arrange
a terminal accident for him?

No, no.
Not unless we have to.

Oh, we'll just keep him
on ice here.

It's that girl
that's got me worried.

Oh, dog,
what is the matter with you?

'Will you go on home?'

Oh, uh, Luther,
uh, take a truck out

to the highway
and pick up his cycle.

I don't want it raisin'
any questions out there.

Yes, sir, sheriff.

Somethin' strike you funny,
Luther?

Oh, no, I was just thinkin'
you sure do sound official.

Oh. Well, we'd better all sound
like what we're supposed to be

while we got a stranger in town.

Yes, sir, sheriff.

Yes, sir.

What's the matter with the
people in this town, anyway?

They act like they've, uh,
never seen a stranger before.

- Stranger?
- Yeah.

Oh, sure.

We get strangers through here
all the time.

Anyway, six, eight times a year.

Of course, uh, they ain't
all as pretty as you.

Oh, hi, sheriff.

I can take that statement
from you now, miss.

Good.

We can do it over coffee here

if it's all the same to you.

Just so I can be on my way
as soon as possible, sheriff.

Alright, we wouldn't wanna
keep you around here

any longer than we have to.

- Would we, Ernie?
- No, sir.

"Statement of Miss Diana Prince

"regards armed robbery attempt

"parenthesis,
grand theft auto attempt

parenthesis,
by suspect Mac Mac-MacDonald."

Oh! Sometimes I think

the pack rats
carry these things off--

You know, sheriff, it's really
getting late and I-I really--

Look, I-I'm gonna ask you
one more question about..

You said you were gonna meet
somebody at the test site?

Oh, yeah, but by-by this time,
he probably thinks I got lost.

'Diana was supposed to be there
over two hours ago, Hal.'

Yeah, frankly,
I'm worried, Steve.

I called the main gate.
There's no sign of her there.

- Nothing on the approach road?
- No, sir.

And the gate guard can see
10 miles of it

from his position.

Keep me informed, Hal.

When she does get there,
give her a fast escort.

I want her there
for the final countdown.

Right.

Sitting down
program trajectory.

Program yaw
17 degrees left of 6.

'2 degrees right of 6.'

'Programmed yaw 17 degrees'

'left of 6,
2 degrees right of 6.'

45 degree climb,
15 degree left turn

with 3 degree descent.

Where's our countdown, corporal?

Minus 52 minutes, captain.

'Right turn 45 degrees'

'3 degrees climb,
to the left 12 degrees.'

'Center guidance
to acquisition mode.'

'Arm warhead for impact timing.'

'Mission complete, lieutenant.
All responses A-Okay.'

- Right, corporal.
- How did it go, Andy?

All systems are go, captain.

This baby will think the Athena
rocket right to its target.

Good.

Just one thing that worries me.

Yeah? What's that?

Well, there were supposed
to be two of these.

A spare for backup in case
one got damaged in transit.

Now when I came over here
to uncrate them an hour ago

I found this in one crate..

...and this in the other one.

- A regular-issue flight helmet.
- Right.

So where's my backup
control helmet?

This better be a foul-up
or we're in big trouble.

Better find out in a hurry.

I sure appreciate
your cooperation, Miss Prince.

You sure I can't buy you
a little lunch?

No. Thanks, anyway.
Maybe next time

I, uh, come to Burrogone,
sheriff.

- Well, thanks again.
- Uh-huh.

Hey, Frieda,
whip me up a chili size..

Goodbye, Sheriff Beal.

Hey, what are you doing?

What in..
What are you doing to my car?

By golly, this sure
is your lucky day, miss.

Just on a whim,
I checked under your hood

and, dogged, if your fuel pump
wasn't leaking.

Well, your whole car
might have blowed up on you.

Why, just look
at this little bugger.

Look at the gasoline
pour out of there.

Well, I'll have it
fixed up for you right away.

No time at all.

'You trying to get the news?'

Uh, hi. Who are you?

- I'm just George.
- Just George?

Yes, that's what everybody says
when they see me.

"That's just George."

Well, I'm just, uh, Diana,
George.

I'm happy to meet you,
Diana George.

- No, no, no, no.
- I'm, uh, Diana, George.

That's what I said, ma'am.
Diana George.

Yes, that's what you said.

Um, I can't seem to get
my car radio to work.

Oh, maybe you, you-you read
a newspaper?

Only costs a dime.

But this, this newspaper is,
uh, three weeks old, George.

Yes. That's why it costs a dime.

Costs a quarter new.

You don't want it, huh?

Oh, no, it's fine.
I'll tell you what.

Uh, I'll pay you full price
for the, uh, newspaper..

...if you'll give me
some information.

Good.

Any, anything you want.
Anything.

Okay, uh,
is there a car for rent

or a taxi service in town?

No, ma'am, nothing like that.
No.

What about a bus?
There's got to be a bus

that goes through Burrogone.

One came through, uh, uh

about eight years ago.

The driver was lost.

Well, um,
what about a public telephone?

Is there a public telephone
somewhere in town?

Flo has one
in the front room.

She's our telephone operator.

That is the best news
I've heard all morning.

- You're a doll.
- Thank you.

- Flo is not home now.
- She's not?

No, no. She went to the store.
I seen her go.

She'll be back
i-in a little while.

I can't even call Hal
to send someone to pick me up.

That's great.
You know, I get the feeling

that there's something very
strange going on in this town.

- I gotta go now.
- Hey, w-wait!

Oh.

Oh, oh.
Nice, nice doggie.

Nice doggie.
Friendly doggie, nice doggie.

Nice doggie.

Come on.
Get out of the way.

'I'm telling you, sheriff,
we're askin' for trouble'

if we don't get rid of that
woman before she gets wise.

Okay, hero.
You wanna be the one to do it?

Uh, why don't we
give the job to Flo?

Not a bad idea.

'Hey, you want me
to check on her, boss?'

No, I'll do that.

Well, what do you know?

You know, that-that prisoner
we got in the cell there?

Mm?

Well, seems he got into
a little misdemeanor mischief

a couple of years back.

'Halloween mischief
on a motorcycle.'

- And something else.
- What?

You'll never guess
who his uncle is.

Who?

The, uh, sheriff of Burrogone.

Hey, been looking
at your dossier here, Mac.

'Seems as though you's
a regular jailbird, ain't ya?'

Yeah.

Yeah, that's right.
You sleep it off.

The more you don't see,
the longer you stay alive.

Hey,
now what you doin' in there?

Hey, come on back..

Oh, no!

Damn. Sheriff!

Sheriff Beal, Mac escaped.

No!

No, no!

No! No! No!

No, no!

No! No! No!

'Just come on in. It's open.'

'I am speaking up, Mrs. Merkle.'

'Oh, just have a seat. I'll be
with you in just a minute.'

Well, I'm shouting myself
hoarse.

There's so much noise
on the line today, that's all.

But they're working on it.
It will be cleared up soon.

It's Mrs. Merkle.

Yes, alright.

That prisoner, Mac,
he's escaped.

I want you all to keep
your eyes peeled for him.

Oh, and incidentally,
one of you two jokers

is gonna have to pay
for a new vehicle

out of your share of the take.

- How they comin'?
- Could be a while.

You know, it looks like
they still don't have

the rocket
in the firing position.

Well, sing out when they do.
Is that walkie-talkie working?

Yeah.

Alright, Mrs. Merkle.

My best to Fred too.

Maybe later we could hear
each other better.

Well, hello, dearie.

- My name's Flo.
- It's nice to meet you, Flo.

Is there something
I can do for you?

Yes, as a matter of fact,
there is.

I wanna make a call
to the military testing grounds

about 30 miles from here.

Oh, I know where it is, alright.

The trouble is, there's so much
line noise today.

I don't know what it is. Uh,
maybe sunspots or something.

Uh, you might do better
if you plugged it in

to the outgoing
as opposed to the incoming.

Mercy sakes, you're right.

You'd think after 25 years,
I'd get the hang of this thing.

May I?

Well, uh, sure.

It's bad enough here in town,
but on that trunk line

out to the testing grounds,
just no way.

Oh, it's the same static I heard
on the car radio this morning.

You know, a person might get
the idea someone was jamming

communications
in and out of Burrogone.

You mean commies?

Hey, you, hold it right there!

Hold it!

Hey, Mac! Mac,
you come back here right now!

Oh, you didn't say please,
Luther.

Now go after him!
Don't just stand there!

It's so lovely you could join me
for a cup of tea.

There's one thing
about Burrogone.

It's not much of a town,
but we do try

to make folks feel welcome.

'I bet you never heard
of this town before today'

did you, dearie?

Uh, actually, I did.

I remember reading an article
a while back

'about colorful
Western place names.'

'Uh, Burrogone, do you know
what the name means?'

Why, goodness no, child.
It's, uh, just a name.

It doesn't mean anything.

I suppose not.

Do you take anything in yours?

No, thanks, Flo,
nothing in mine.

Well, here you are.

Now you drink this.

I can tell you were all
tensed up about something.

Now I'll get mine.

Now here we are.
Isn't this lovely?

Have a little tea party.

- Oh! Oh!
- Ouch.

'Oh, I am so sorry.'

I'm-I'm just, I'm clumsy today
for some reason.

- Everything else, you know--
- It's no trouble at all.

I'll just get a towel
to mop that up.

Okay.

There's plenty of water
for another cup.

Here we are.

I goofed.

Had it all set up
and she walked out.

'Psst, psst. Lady, listen.'

'I don't know what your name is,
but you have to trust me.'

Trust you? I can't even see you.

And if you are
who I think you are..

...you pulled a gun on me.

And if it hadn't been
for Wonder Woman

you would have stolen my car.

'Well, listen, I understand'

'that you travel
in the best of company'

'but I still thought
you were one of 'em.'

'Lady, you've gotta trust me.'

'I heard them plan it with Flo
for how to kill ya.'

'Okay, you don't believe me? Go
inside and have a cup of tea.'

Okay, okay.

Where do we talk?

'Turn to your right.'

'There's a freight depot.'

- Oh!
- Sorry, sorry, I'm sorry.

I just wanted to make sure
you weren't followed, okay?

- Who are you?
- Mac. Mac MacDonald.

Okay.

One-time citizen of Burrogone

but I'm a for-real citizen.

They put you in the jail.

How did you get out,
Mac MacDonald?

My uncle's the sheriff
of this town.

When I was 13 years old

Jailbreak Willie taught me

how to bust out of jail.

'Hey, listen, I was just
passing through town.'

'I figured I'd come in,
say hello to Uncle Burt.'

I get into town and nobody

I mean nobody is who
they're supposed to be

especially Uncle Burt.

Well, if Flo or Ernie
are any indication

I'd say they're all impostors.
Am I right?

Every last one of them.
I wanna show you something.

Yeah.

'"Free!'

'"Weekend in Las Vegas'

'"for entire population
of Burrogone!'

April 13th, 14th and 15th."

- Today's the 14th, right?
- That's right.

- There's nobody in town.
- Alright.

But we still don't know
who these people are

or what they're up to.

No, except the only obvious
thing they've done is

they've set up
a portable generator

and they've put it inside
the barn at the end of town.

'Yes, I have seen
that building.'

Okay, then it's your turn
to trust me.

- Okay?
- Okay.

I think it's part of a plan
to steal an army missile

being tested in about an hour

from the Red Mountain
Missile Range.

What's our next move?

Well, your next move is
to do whatever you have to

to get out of town,
go to Captain Hal Shavers

at the Red Mountain test area

and tell him to abort
the Athena flight.

What about you?
You gonna be okay?

Well, I'm gonna do everything
I can

to put that generator
out of commission.

Go on and be careful.

These are five of them, Bill.

You've been on the project
since it started.

- Any of them look familiar?
- Who are they?

These are men who have left
the project or have been fired

'because
of potential security risk.'

No, sorry.
None of them ring a bell.

Excuse me.

Trevor.
Yeah, put him through.

It's Hal Shavers.

Yeah, Hal, look, I've got
five prime suspects here.

Any one of them could have taken
the missing control helmet.

Well, there's not much
we can do about it now, Steve

except maybe pray.

We're, um, eight minutes
and counting from launch.

- Any sign of Diana?
- None.

Looks like she's gonna miss
all the excitement.

Well, keep me posted.
I'll be here.

- Any problems?
- No, it's been quiet.

Some of us
are getting pretty tired

of all this dumb play-actin'.

When do we see some loot
out of all of this?

You've already seen some
pretty good loot up front.

The payoff isn't far away now.

Well, it better be worth it.

Hold it right there,
little lady.

The dummy here tells me
you saved him

from being run over by the jeep.

Now maybe you'd like to save him
from having his head ventilated.

Nothing tells me
that he isn't, uh, one of you.

- Everybody else is.
- Wanna bet?

Of course, you don't have
as much to lose as George has.

No, please.
Don't let him do it, please.

Alright.
What do you want me to do?

Just let me lock you up
somewhere

until we're done
with what we're doing.

Why lock me up?
Why don't I just leave?

- Leave?
- Yeah.

Fly away.

Like this.

Bad man.

- Not even the real sheriff.
- George. George!

And I'm not the real
real George.

Straight in the face, this stuff
will stop a herd of elephants.

- Is she dead?
- 'I doubt it.'

But she can't bother us anymore.

Where's Ernie?

- Ernie?
- 'Help!'

Ernie?

Help! Ugh!

Help!

Get that idiot down.

I want everybody in the street
in two minutes flat.

Now let's move it.

Five, four, three, two..

'One, zero.'

We are in flight.
All systems go.

'All systems go.'

'Proceeding down
programmed trajectory.'

'Roll maneuver number one
proceeding as programmed.'

'First program system's A-Okay.'

'Programmed yaw
2 degrees left of 6.'

'Repeat, programmed yaw
2 degrees left of 6.'

'Commencing 12 degrees
turn right of 6.'

'Level climb, 45 degrees
to 32 degrees and holding.'

Attention,
the Athena rocket has completed

90% of its required maneuvers
on its A program.

Perfect. Now bring it back
and we'll try the B run.

'Commencing 45 degrees ascent
for B run.'

'15 degrees left turn
with maximum acceleration.'

'Repeat, repeat.'

'15 degrees left turn.'

'15 degrees left turn.'

- What are you doin'?
- It's getting away from me.

'Rocket now
in unprogrammed yaw to right.'

'Unprogrammed yaw completed'

'to 32 degrees
minimal trajectory.'

'Missile now violating
test range facility.'

- Are we still transmitting?
- Yes, sir, we're wide open.

Captain?

I'm picking up a transmission
beamed our way.

Is it capable
of interfering with ours?

Yes.. Yes, sir, it is.

Captain! Captain, I can't
control it. It's not responding.

Don't knock yourself out, Andy.

It's the other control helmet.
We found it.

Get a bearing on its new course.

MPs and security people,
saddle up!

We're going after it!

- Who are you?
- Are you Shaver?

Yeah, what do you want?

I have a message for you
from a Diana Prince

to abort Athena flight.

- Don't tell me I'm too late.
- We'll see about that.

Alright, everybody, let's go!

There it is! I see it!

- Bull's eye!
- Woohoo! He did it!

Don't touch it.

It works. It works!

Don't you have that other
important item, sheriff?

Sure thing. Got it all ready
over in the sheriff's office.

Don't you think it calls
for a little celebration?

Yes, sir.

Okay, hey, everybody,
let's go back to the jail!

We got a party going on!

- Alright!
- Woohoo!

Sir!
Sir, the missile's landed.

- 30 miles south of here.
- Right.

We'll see how fast
we can travel 30 miles.

Come on.

Aren't you gonna have a drink?

This stuff packs
an awful wal-wallop.

More of a wallop
than you think, sheriff.

Why, you..

See, my friends, I'm not really
very much of a sharing person.

'Besides, you would have been
all too greedy'

to wait for the big payoff,
anyway.

'A million dollars cash sale
is nothing.'

You understand that,
Wonder Woman? Nothing!

Just as soon as I build
a few more of these helmets..

...I'll hold the whole country
for ransom.

The military, the airlines..

...they'll all have to pay
if they want their planes

to fly unmolested.

You see..

...there's no defense against
a thought-controlled missile.

Follow me.

There he is now.

It was all perfect.

Everything planned step by step

and you had to show up.

Well, there are some things
you just can't count on.

Come on, George.

Alright, let's go.

Load 'em up.

- Genius, huh?
- Get him aboard.

Well, there it is, Steve.

You know, the IADC
owes a big vote of thanks

to a young man
by the name of Mac MacDonald.

I'll see to it that he gets
a commendation, Diana.

- They wanna give you a medal.
- Hmm.

'Oh, by the way,
uh, I found out'

that your friend George
is a Dr. Wonderly.

He was fired off the project
two months ago

when they found out
he was playing footsies

with a foreign government.

He's a very dangerous man,
Steve.

I hope they lock him up
for a long time.

I think you can count
on that, Diana.

- So long now.
- Okay, bye.

Hal.

You know, I should have known
that these people

weren't the real residents
of Burrogone

when, uh, old Flo gave it away.

She didn't know
what the name meant.

Burrogone? What does it mean?

- Why don't you tell him, Mac?
- I'll tell you what.

I'll tell him the story

if you promise to have lunch
with me tomorrow.

- Okay.
- Alright.

The story goes that
there was this old prospector

and he came into town
and he met these Indians.

And he taught them
how to play poker.

Except he taught them so well

that he lost everything he owned
except for his mule.

So he takes his mule
and puts it in the last pot.

- And?
- That's what Burrogone means.

This is the town
that he lost his, uh..

...jackass in.

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

♪ Here to fight
the force of evil ♪

♪ And your chance
won't be denied ♪

♪ Woman of the hour
with your super power ♪

♪ We're so glad
you're on our side ♪

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

♪ You're a wonder
Wonder Woman ♪♪