Wonder Woman (1975–1979): Season 2, Episode 13 - Light-fingered Lady - full transcript

[airplane droning]

[foghorn blaring]

(male #1)
I guarantee you'll like
her references, Mr. Caribe.

Listen.

What was the take
in the Houston Bank?

One million,
two hundred thousand.

Nice figure?

[softly]
We won't tell them
I like yours better.

Name's Lil Thaxton.
Just what we need.

Don't confuse your needs
with those of the organization.

A pretty face
can cause ugly problems.



At least you can meet her.

You've left me no choice.

You've involved her
too much already.

'It's either meet with her
or kill her.'

- When do we see you?
- 'I'll let you know.'

Honey, will you stop worryin'?

You're in on a job
that's gonna make Houston

look like a trip
to the candy store.

- We'll see.
- Yeah, we'll see.

[radio buzzes]

Yes, sir?

Leech, a full report
before tonight.

You'll have it.

The last thing we need
is a ringer.



No sweat.

If she's a phony,
I know just what to do.

[foghorn blaring]

[theme song]

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

♪ Get us out from under
Wonder Woman ♪

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

♪ Wonder Woman ♪♪

[dramatic music]

Tony, I really should be
going back to my hotel.

And miss a phone call
from your new employer?

Come on, Lil.

Well, then, as long as
I'm gonna meet your Mr. Caribe

I should change
into something a little more..

- Appropriate?
- Well, impressive, anyway.

- That sounds fascinating.
- Back in ten minutes.

Okay.

[dramatic music]

Steve.

Diana, you had me worried.

I was afraid trigger boy Ryan
had found out

who you really were.
Afraid I'd never see you again.

No way. As a matter of fact,
Tony is so impressed

with my cover story
that he's taking me to meet

the elusive Anton Caribe
in person.

Well, that's great,
and Ryan's playing

right into our hands.
When's the meeting?

I don't know.
We're waiting to hear.

- Uh-oh.
- What?

That means
Caribe's checking you out.

- Any idea where he's hiding?
- No.

Uh, all Tony will tell me
is that he's recruiting

for a heist
that's really, really big.

- Bigger than the last three?
- Put together.

Oh, if he's not arrested soon

he's gonna be solely responsible
for the national debt.

Well, he'll get arrested
this time with enough evidence

to put him away for life
and throw away the key.

From the way things are going,
I believe it.

But, listen,
if he's checking you out

there's a few details
I'm gonna have to take care of.

I better get back to my friend
before he misses me.

And listen, now take some advice
from this old friend.

You watch yourself. Be careful.

Thanks, Steve. I will.

Oh, go, go, go, go.

[dramatic music]

Dishonesty is no way
to start a relationship.

- Oh, what do you mean?
- You said ten minutes.

You've been gone 11 and a half.

[chuckles]
I had no idea you'd be counting.

How you doing there, Herb?

What do you hear
from the old neighborhood?

I heard it's improved
since we got rid of you.

- How have you been?
- Prosperous.

- Is that right?
- Very prosperous.

I'd like to check
your mug files.

- Anyone's in particular?
- Yes. Robbers, female.

Follow me.

- Is there anyone in particular?
- Yes.

Her name's Lil Thaxton,
or so she says.

Ts are over there.

Hey, buddy,
you about done there?

Yeah, just a second.

- It's all yours, pal.
- Thank you.

- 'Some record.'
- 'I'll say.'

Huntsville, Alderson,
Terminal Island.

Were you planning
on marrying her?

A friend wants to invite her
to a grand opening.

Thank you, Herbert.

Anytime, prosperous.

My thanks, too, sergeant.

Hey, you're welcome, but, uh,
what do I do with this?

Hmm.

Let's just call it
an IADC contribution

to the Police Memorial Fund.

Okay, Steve.

I'm really sorry
about this, honey

but Mr. Caribe is very strict
about his privacy.

I guess I'd do the same thing

if I were in his place,
wherever that is.

Well, you don't wanna know
where that is.

If you ever find out

you'll be able to count
your days on one hand.

Alright, just take it easy.
I got you. I got you.

[dramatic music]

[clears throat]

Mr. Caribe, I'd like you
to meet Lil Thaxton.

I hear you're very good
at bank robbery.

Good enough to feel ready
for bigger

and better things, Mr. Caribe.

- You're very beautiful.
- Thank you.

Unlike Mr. Ryan however,
I don't permit beauty

to color my good judgment.

Well, I've done my homework,
sir. We can trust her.

When have I heard that before?

Last year, wasn't it?

Only then the name wasn't Lil.

It was Karen,
who's now serving five years.

It's seven.

Which you could very easily
be doing right alongside her.

Correct, Mr. Ryan?

We have no personal knowledge
of this person's capabilities.

Just hearsay and police reports.

Try me. I can handle anything.

A very revealing
choice of words.

I'm afraid try is unacceptable
in my vocabulary.

Uh, are you saying
that she's not in on the job?

I'm saying she's not.

Nobody is. I just heard.

'The whole security system
has been changed on the vault.'

Techtron alarm engineers
were there the whole week

installing a new setup.

All our plans are no good.

The Techtron plan's
a piece of cake.

I can get you the plans
for the new alarm system.

- Get her out of here, Ryan.
- No.

You want proof I know
my business, you'll get it.

Lil, uh, the place
is like a fortress.

All the better.

I get you the plans

and you let me in on whatever
it is you want them for.

- Is it a deal?
- Obviously.

It's the only kind
I insist upon.

- I can't lose.
- Good. I'll get them tonight.

The plans are in file number
10355 at Techtron.

And what are they for?

That, Miss Thaxton,
is none of your business.

Yet.

Take me to my car, Tony.

- Get her on her way.
- Excuse me.

Just as soon
as she's been blindfolded.

[chuckles]
I'm beginning to understand

why you've never been caught,
Mr. Caribe.

And I never will be.

The next job is going to be
my grand finale.

'I intend to retire
with so much wealth'

that not a police force
in the world can touch me.

Got it.

Stay on her, Leech.

Anything suspicious,
don't bother to report back.

Just execute her.

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music]

Okay, lady, where'd you cut
your way through this thing?

[electricity crackling]

I don't know where you went in,
but this is where I go in.

[dramatic music]

What the.. Wonder Woman?

I want you to forget that
you've seen me here tonight.

- I will forget.
- Now lead me to the file room.

Certainly. This way.

[dramatic music]

I need the files.

Plans 10355.

Okay.

- Here they are.
- Thank you.

One for Anton Caribe..

...and one for Steve Trevor.

Okay, put them back in the file.

Is there anything else?

Just remember,
there was no break-in

and Wonder Woman was never here.

[dramatic music]

I want you to stay here
for five minutes

and then resume your rounds.

Thank you.

Wonder Woman!

Just tell me
where Lil Thaxton went

and I promise you
I won't hurt you.

- Lil Thaxton?
- I know you're her accomplice.

I saw her come this way.

Honey, I don't know
what you're talking about.

I'm sure you don't.

Okay, now I've been
after Lil Thaxton

ever since she pulled
that Houston robbery

and I haven't got time
for games.

[gasps]

[banging on door]

- Shh!
- You?

Would you, please, be quiet?

Wonder Woman has ears
like radar.

Oh, when the heat's after you,
it's after you in a big way.

Well, I can handle it, Leech.
I don't get locked in closets.

And I get what I come for.

You photographed those plans
with Wonder Woman on your tail?

- How?
- You figure it out, Leech.

You're the expert.

In the meantime,
get me back to Caribe.

It's time to deal myself in
on the grand finale.

[instrumental music]

[beeping]

[beeping]

[keys clacking]

Good morning, IRAC.

(IRAC)
Good is a subject assessment

not substantiated
by scientific evidence.

Please be specific.

He must have gotten up
on the wrong side

of his battery charger.

Alright, IRAC, it's 7:30 a.m.,
68 degrees.

I need these photographs
analyzed.

(IRAC)
Blueprints submitted
are ultimate state-of-the-art

alarm system,
self-powered and foolproof.

And used in what bank?

(IRAC)
Used in no bank.

You wanna check that again,
IRAC?

We've got to know what bank
Caribe is planning to hit

so we can call off their guards
and protect Diana.

(IRAC)
I repeat,
alarm system submitted

is not for any bank
in any country.

Then what is it used for?

(IRAC)
Insufficient data
precludes any answer.

I'm impressed
by your professionalism.

- Welcome to my organization.
- Oh, thank you.

Ah, shall we talk percentages?

Well, upon perfect execution
of your duties

your share will be
three million dollars.

Three million dollars?

What are we robbing, the IRS?

You recall the Beirut Bank
robbery in January, 1976?

Of course, that was
the biggest job in history.

Fifty million.

Well, you also recall
it was never recovered.

That's right. They never could
pin that job on anyone.

Was it you?

No, a competitor.

Michael Sutton.

I have now decided
that he should be relieved

of that great
financial responsibility.

I see.

We're going to steal
the Beirut money from him.

The Beirut money and more.

And that will make mine
the biggest job in history.

He makes it sound so simple.

Breaking into Fort Knox
might be easier.

You see, that is why
it is so important to find

and to use the best talent.

Now I think it's time
you met your colleagues.

Tony?

[sighs]
Lil, this is Paul Rojak.

- Ah, the football player?
- No, ex-football player.

Uh, weren't you
up for manslaughter

for what you did
to that quarterback?

No, he lived.

And watch out for this one.

'His name's Grease. Our mechanic
and general handyman.'

Hi.

Better-looking
than a set of whitewalls

on a '54 sedan.

[chuckles]
Thanks.

Is this everyone?

With the exception of Leech

whom you've already had
the displeasure of meeting.

Yes, I certainly did.

- Where is he, anyway?
- He'll be back.

Said he had some personal
business to take care of.

Personal?

Marge Douglas?

Maybe.

Just like I promised you
over the phone.

Now what?

Well, I'll take you
for a little ride

and then I'll blindfold you,
and then we'll ride some more.

Blindfold?

Just until I get you

into a room with Lil Thaxton.

[chuckles]
Old larcenous Lil.

Are you sure
you can recognize her?

After six months
in the same cellblock

how could I help it?

Of course.
How could you help it?

[laughs]

(Diana)
Is that an abandoned bank?

Actually, it's a very
well-disguised fortress.

It'd have to be
to keep $50 million there.

It's complete with bedrooms

a kitchen, sentry dogs,
armed guards

and one of the finest vaults
ever constructed.

To say nothing
of the new alarm system.

Which is powered by
a self-contained energy source

inside my old friend's enclave.

That's great.

We can't destroy the alarm
without setting it off.

Fortunately, Mr. Sutton's brain
functions on a level

not much higher than yours,
Mr. Rojak.

'He also believes
the system is foolproof.'

So you've figured out a way
to, uh, get to it?

Of course.

Now I want you to memorize

the layout of the inside
of the bank areas.

The lighting won't be nearly
as adequate

the next time you see them.

Now, Miss Thaxton, I want you..

'...to pay particular attention
to the study.'

Somewhere on this wall

I imagine between the O and P
volumes of the encyclopedia

is the alarm control.

'Your responsibility
will be to deactivate it.'

You got it.

What? Her?

Oh, that's a pretty
heavy assignment.

Why don't I take the alarm?

Don't you trust
your protege, Tony?

I trust her with my life.

Repeat that, Ryan,
loud and clear for the record.

What is this, Leech?

Just doing what you taught me,
Mr. Caribe.

Double-checking
on the double-checking.

I found a friend of a friend
who spent six months

'at Huntsville
with Lil Thaxton.'

So what?

(Leech)
'So I thought it might be'

very educational
if I arranged a little reunion.

[dramatic music]

Lil honey,
you sure don't show the years.

Oh! Hey, how are ya?

(Marge)
'I swear, you give old Marge
a fit of nostalgia.'

Well, Marge, you look great.
You got, uh, parole, huh?

Leech, get that woman
out of here.

You're the one
threatening our security.

- Well.
- Sorry, Mr. Caribe.

[gasps]
Uh, how about
let's get together

for a drink sometime, hon?

I'd love it.

I'm just a little worried
about the company

you've been keeping lately.

You watch out for her.
She's my friend.

Come on.

Being overzealous is gonna be
the death of him someday.

[dramatic music]

- How'd it go?
- 'No problem.'

Good. The real Marge Douglas
will be glad to hear that too.

Yeah, means she just
completed parole.

[chuckles]

A member of one of Caribe's
little street gang

wishes to make a deal with us?

Talked to the guy myself,
Mr. Sutton.

When is the lady to be shipped?

Tonight.

Well, by all means

pay him what he wants.

It's not every day
someone has enough intelligence

to double-cross
my unworthy adversary.

I only wish I could be there
to see the look on his face.

(Ryan)
'I'm really sorry, honey.'

I wish there were another way.

So do I.

Stop wasting time and get in.

This chamber
was a good enough resting place

for the great
Egyptian Queen Nefertiti

for thousands of years.

You can endure the discomfort
for an hour or two.

Well, Queen Nefertiti, uh, was
hardly in a position to refuse.

- I said get in.
- Yes, sir.

There you are.

Are you comfortable?

Not in the least.

Then I suggest that you ponder
the three million dollars

that your discomfort
is about to obtain for you.

(Diana)
'Hey, fellas,
can you take it easy?'

[dramatic music]

Ross, put the gun away.
We all know why we're here.

Relax, we gotta make it
look good, don't we?

Just relax, huh?

When am I getting paid
for tippin' you off?

Tomorrow. Probably tomorrow.

As soon as Sutton checks
the lady out back.

And relax, huh?

- I got it.
- Okay.

You want me to put
that gun away for ya?

Okay, Tony. Okay, you got it.
Just relax.

Next time you wanna double-cross
Caribe, let us know.

Just come through
with the bread, huh?

Talk to you later, Tony.

I wanna report a robbery.

Good for you.

Now you know what it feels like
to be the victim.

The lady should be able
to deactivate the alarm

right on schedule.

Right.

Well, here she is, Mr. Sutton.

How much did we agree
to pay Mr. Ryan?

Fifteen thousand.
Is she the real thing?

Very much so.

And at this moment,
more precious

than anything on Earth

for Anton Caribe stole her
from the British Museum

and now I have stolen her
from Anton Caribe.

I'd say another 20 minutes

and our friend Sutton
will get tired

of patting himself on the back

and go to bed
at his usual time.

And then how long
do we have to wait?

No more than ten minutes.

Sutton's bedroom's
on another floor.

And that will leave Lil
all alone in his office.

She'll be able to turn off
the alarm right on schedule.

What should we, uh, do
with her, Mr. Sutton?

Provide her the security
she so well deserves.

What? You want me
to post a guard here?

She's far too precious
to entrust to human care.

Lock her up inside
the main vault.

[dramatic music]

She should be shutting off
the alarm any minute now.

I'm not setting
one foot in there

until she gives us the signal.

Now get the dogs.

There you are, Your Majesty.

You're as safe as if
you were back in your tomb.

[dramatic music]

[dogs barking]

[scoffs]
Great.

[dogs barking]

[lock breaks]

[dogs barking]

It's alright, boys.
It's okay.

We're friends.

Good boys.

Now listen to me, I respect
your sense of duty very much

but I need your help.

In a little while,
four men will return with me

and they're gonna try steal
from your territory.

Listening?
I know you're gonna..

I know you're gonna wanna hurt
them as you've been trained

but for my sake, please don't.

(Wonder Woman)
'Yes, you're such good dogs.'

Okay.

Now I want you to listen to me.

You must not move
until I return.

Please.

I think you had better stay
out here, Your Highness.

If they see you in the vault,
they'd wonder

how Lil could have escaped.

[sighs]

[sighs]

[dramatic music]

[sighs]

[door buzzes]

Thank you.

Your friend is late, Ryan.

I guess Little Miss Huntsville
can't cut the mustard after all.

[dramatic music]

[beeping]

There's the signal.

She's fixed the alarm.

Don't forget the laser gun.
Mr. Caribe, we're going in.

Good.

[laughing]

What took you so long?
We were worried.

Well, the dogs
were more nervous.

- I had to take care of them.
- I'll get us inside the vault.

[dramatic music]

Guard patrol.

Let's go.

[door buzzes]

Hold it.
You sure that thing is out?

Ah.

These dogs are really out.
What'd you give 'em?

Oh, uh, uh, something
that was developed

a few years ago
in the Caribbean.

[machine whirring]

I knew you'd come through
for us, honey.

[metal creaking]

What are we gonna do about
Little Miss Egypt out there?

Caribe wants her back.
Put all the money in it.

Then why didn't he carry
the stupid thing himself?

Let's get out of here.
Let's go, move it.

- 'Hold your horses.'
- Come on!

Got it?

Okay, how much is here
you think?

Every cent from the Beirut job

and a couple of million thrown
in from a milk run or two.

Maybe we'll get a bonus, huh?

[chuckles]
You got a good sense
of humor, lady.

[dramatic music]

Come on, Leech, move it.

Here, got it.

What time is it?

We've got another ten minutes
before we're relieved.

Better check the alarm.

Eh, I watched him
turn it on myself.

That's not the point.

The thing is brand-new. We're
supposed to keep an eye on it.

Ah!

That's it. Go!

I've been waiting for you
all my life.

Ah, that's it.

[Rojak grunts]

I'll finish it. Go!

The laser.

- Hey, this thing is off.
- Try turning it on.

[beeping]

Bad circuit breaker.

[alarm blaring]

No!

- Tony!
- 'No, let her stay!'

Tony!

Tony! Tony!

[alarm blaring]

[dramatic music]

- What's happening?
- Problem in the vault room.

[metal creaking]

You gave her a death sentence
back there.

So I didn't see you
volunteering to commute it.

[alarm blaring]

[whimpering]

That should pass inspection.

Now, dear friends, listen,
I need your help.

Good boy.

[dogs barking]

Mr. Sutton.
No, I don't believe this.

(Sutton)
'Get the trainer in here
first thing tomorrow.'

He charged ten grand a piece
for those mutts

and that's robbery!

[dogs whimpering]

Well, gentlemen,
I think the final count

should be
53 million, 283,000 dollars.

- Acapulco, here I come.
- I can own my own auto parts.

Everything is here
but your lady, Mr. Ryan.

'What happened?'

This little creep
left her for Sutton.

The dumb broad
tripped the alarm.

Yeah, well, that's no reason
to leave her there!

She got what she deserved!

(Diana)
'Now, now, boys.'

You're not fighting over me,
are you?

- Lil?
- The name's not Lil.

Diana Prince.

Officers!

Don't do it!

Diana Prince,
Inter Agency Defense Command.

Assignment,
to capture master thief

Anton Caribe with the goods.

You haven't caught him yet,
Miss Prince.

Oh, yes, she has, Caribe.
Put it down.

Put it down.

[chuckles]
You see what you get?

You see what you get
when you trust a woman?

Yeah, you get the job done.

(Steve)
Okay, move 'em out.

[theme song]

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

♪ Here to fight
the force of evil ♪

♪ And your chance
won't be denied ♪

♪ Woman of the hour
with your superpower ♪

♪ We're so glad
you're on our side ♪

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

♪ You're a wonder
Wonder Woman ♪♪