Wonder Woman (1975–1979): Season 2, Episode 12 - The Deadly Toys - full transcript

[instrumental music]

Gentlemen,
as all of you know

Dr. Prescott,
Dr. Lazaar and myself have

for the past ten months
been engaged in Project XYZ.

Each of us was working on
a separate phase of the project

'under a security system
only you'

'who serve and protect'

'our mighty nation so admirably'

are capable of devising.

[dramatic music]

It was to take the sum total
of our combined knowledge



to ever implement Project XYZ.

'But in spite of your ingenuity'

'a combination of our general
knowledge alone'

'was enough for us to realize
that we had developed'

a...terrible weapon.

A weapon that would escalate
the current arms race

to nightmare proportions.

And so, upon discovering

the true dimensions
of our unconscionable task

we burned every note

'every equation'

every trace of our work.

Gentlemen, we have destroyed
the XYZ nightmare.

Destroyed the XYZ nightmare.



We have destroyed
the XYZ nightmare.

Destroyed the XYZ nightmare.

[deeper voice]
'Destroyed
the XYZ nightmare.'

Destroyed the XYZ nightmare.

Destroyed the XYZ nightmare.

[gasps]

It's an android!

[gurgling]

[theme song]

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

[tires screeching]

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

[thunderclap]

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

♪ Get us out from under
Wonder Woman ♪

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

[explosion]

♪ Wonder Woman ♪♪

[instrumental music]

(male #1)
'That's Dr. Royce Tobias.'

'That's the day he
signed on my project.'

(Steve)
'Mm-hm.'

That's Dr. Royce Tobias
yesterday morning.

You're kidding.

What's left of an
intricately built human robot.

Ooh.

Somewhere along the line
the real doctor

was replaced by an android.

And now he and all he knows

about Project XYZ are missing.

You did say it would take
all three scientists

to develop the, uh, XYZ weapon
though, is that right?

Yeah.
That's small consolation.

Then there's no possibility
at all that, uh

the other two scientists
might short-circuit?

Wha.. No.

Prescott and Lazaar
are still flesh and blood

but we've got to make sure
that they stay that way.

When did they abort the project?

Two days ago.

They came and told me
right after

they burned their notes.

So, then, if they were working
right up until that time

Tobias had to have been replaced

after XYZ was aborted.

- Right?
- That's right.

I guess the first thing
we have to do is find out

exactly when
the switch was made.

I think I'll start
at, uh, Tobias' laboratory

see if I can
find anything there. Yeah.

Okay.

Well, Diana, looks like

we'll be seeing quite
a lot of each other.

Well, yeah, I guess the more
I find out

the more questions
I'll have for you, Dex.

Why don't you plan on asking me
some of those questions

over dinner
one of these evenings?

More likely I'll be, uh..

...asking them over
the telephone.

Hey, Dex. Remember what I used
to tell you in college?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. "Confine your
passes to the football field."

[instrumental music]

(Diana)
'Thank you very much.
I'll close the door behind me.'

[door closes]

Lady, you stay right where
you are and don't move.

You understand?
You stay right there.

That's just fine.

[dramatic music]

[thunderclap]

[music continues]

Gotten enough exercise?

Now, in 50 words or less

tell me why you were
in that laboratory.

- No, I can't.
- You have to.

- You-you can't lie.
- I, I can't.

I can't.

I can't.

I can't.

[hissing]

[gurgling]

Whatever you were programmed for

I guess it wasn't for truth.

Dr. Prescott was none too happy

with his
new living arrangements.

Lazaar had some colorful phrases

about the security
arrangements where he is, too.

I'll bet.

Well, we've got guards
at every entrance

every elevator and at their
rooms in both buildings.

They may not be happy,
but they are safe.

Good.

[buzzing]

- Trevor.
- 'Yeah, Steve, it-it's Diana.'

Listen, I'm at Dr. Tobias'

and when I got here,
I wasn't alone.

I was greeted
by another android.

- What happened?
- Well, let's just say that he..

- Broke down under pressure.
- Are you alright?

Well, I'm fine,
but, uh, I'd like to know

why I'm standing
in a physicist's laboratory

looking at a battalion
of toy soldiers.

Just a second.

Diana found some toy soldiers
at Tobias' apartment.

Does he have, uh,
some kind of a hobby?

[laughs]

Well, all three scientists,
uh, play war games

with miniature soldiers
for relaxation.

Aha. Did you hear that, Diana?

Yes.

I guess only geniuses
can play with toys

when they're over 50
and get away with it.

[laughs]
Right.

You let us know if you find
anything else, will you?

Right.

[engine starts]

[gunfire on TV]

[turns off TV]

This is torture.

[sighs]

[knock on door]

Yes? Yes?

Dr. Prescott?

Well, it's not as if
I could have gone anywhere.

Have you been expecting these?

Somebody just brought
them by for you.

Oh, yes, yes.
Thank you, my good man.

Thank you so much. Thank you.
Ha-ha-ha.

Yes, now, Dr. Lazaar,
we shall see

just who should have won
the Battle of Chateau-Thierry.

[Dr. Prescott laughing]

'Yes, indeed.
I'll position them here..'

[rattling]

[toy dog barking]

[barking continues]

Ow!

Now, I'll put this here
for the moment

and, oh, you know a place.
Look at that.

And this one,
this cannon here. Yes.

Here, that here.

Now, I'll get
some positioning on this.

I told Lazaar not to move
his men up so quickly.

They'll be moved out
of position.

This infantry here. Here..

[toy tank fires]
Ow! What?

What is th..

[telephone ringing]

[groans softly]

[ringing continues]

(Dexter)
'Hello, Dr. Prescott.'

'You're going to do exactly'

'what I tell you to.'

'Now, listen..'

[toy dog barking]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental
"Joy To The World"]

Ah. That is good, good, good.

And you, Fred

you're a little noisy,
but very smart.

And you, you have
all these friends

to meet, so much to do.

[doorbell chimes]
Ooh.

Just when I was going
to introduce all of you.

[sighs]

Keep an eye on them, will you?

Yeah.

And you with that flirty smile

you take care of all
the introductions

and make sure he feels at home.

Mama, mama.

Mama, mama.

Mama, mama.

[screeching]

[doorbell chimes]

Yes. Coming. Coming.

[sighs]
Hello.

Here, come.

I have another guest, eh?

Ah.

Let me see. Let me see.

Up.

Uh, mine is better.

Mine are always better.

Put it in that cage.

Ah.

[sighs]

Coochie-coochie!

So, the android
that Diana ran into

was supposed to retrieve
something from the laboratory?

A reasonable deduction.

It was probably sent
to find and remove

a clue
to Dr. Tobias' disappearance.

Yeah, well, I wish
I could advise you

that we've identified
that clue, but, uh--

No need to explain.

I am well acquainted
with human fallibility.

May I make a suggestion?

Of course. That's why
I keep you well oiled.

(Ira)
'According to data
just received, the key'

'to Dr. Tobias' disappearance
would seem to lie'

'with the place where he
spent most of his time.'

Right.

Therefore, I suggest
you carefully examine

the present domicile
of the two remaining scientists.

Aha! I'm one step
ahead of you, Ira.

Diana's already on her way

to Prescott's
for that very reason.

Oh.

I'll give you a chance
to make another suggestion.

Do not do me any favors.

- It's almost Christmas.
- Affirmative.

Alright, I want
to buy Diana a present

but I don't know
what to get her.

With everything you know about
her, what would you suggest?

I suggest you talk
to Wonder Woman.

You're a big help.

(Diana)
'Dr. Prescott?'

Oh, um, yes, um,
come in, come in.

Hi, uh, I'm Diana Prince
from the IADC.

I don't care if you're
from the IADC or FDIC.

I can't tell you how happy
I am to have some company.

Such lovely company at that too.

- Well, thank you very much.
- Come.

Uh, I have, uh,
some questions--

Please, sit down.
We're gonna have a lovely chat.

- I really can't stay.
- Well, yes, you can, of course.

I just wanna
ask you some questions.

Some tea.
Would you like some tea?

- I don't--
- Please, please, please.

Doctor, all I want
to find out

is when the android
switched places

with Dr. Tobias
so the XYZ weapon..

Plenty of time
for questions later.

...won't fall into
the wrong hands.

I'll have some tea.

First, we'll turn on the burner

and, uh...a little water.

Perhaps a cookie, huh?

This is going to be very nice.

- Doctor.
- Yes?

Isn't this a rather strange
hobby for the three of you?

What? Oh, no, no, no.

You see, battle strategy..

Actually, the art
of it is fascinating.

But you aborted
the Project XY.

Ah, but that's quite
another matter, you see.

We felt that war should be kept
on the level of fantasy

unlike our superiors.

Ah! But now, I have
a little mint.

- Oh, no, no.
- Perhaps a little orange pekoe.

No, really,
I don't want anything.

Oh, I know you will love this.

- A little cinnamon with--
- Doctor..

Please, just listen to me.

I don't have time for tea,
really.

No one has time for tea.

Okay, let's get down
to brass tacks.

Now, after you burned
your notes on the project

did Dr. Tobias go anywhere
with anyone unusual?

I have already answered
these questions, and I've..

No.

But, a-a-a robot can't
just switch places

with someone without..

Doctor.

My, uh, tolerance for pain
is astonishing, isn't it?

- It's remarkable.
- That burner's red-hot.

Prescott's been replaced
by an android?

That's right, I had him taken
to Valley Medical

and the doctors there
definitely confirmed it.

But how?
How could that happen?

The guards in and around

Prescott's apartment
have no idea.

They swear
that Prescott never left

that he had no visitors

and that he did
absolutely nothing unusual.

Yet somebody was able
to make the switch.

Well, wait till Dex
hears about this.

In any event, I'm gonna have
Dr. Lazaar checked out.

I'm gonna go over there now.

Well, looks like he's
the only one between somebody

and the XYZ weapon.

Steve, if he's still
flesh and blood

it means that either
he's next in line

to be replaced by an android

or he's the one
that's doing the replacing.

Yeah, and if he isn't
flesh and blood

the consequences
are unthinkable.

There still is one more thing
I intend to look into.

I'll call you later.

[instrumental music]

[door opens]

- Well?
- I must say..

This has been one of my more
unusual house calls.

I've checked people
for colds, flu, virus

but never for not being human.

Thank you, doctor.

You're the only one that hasn't
been replaced with an android.

The nightmare just
goes on and on.

Security will have
to be tightened.

It may mean moving you again.

Just make it end, young lady.

Just make it end.

Then you will understand

that, uh, since you are
the only one left

there's another course
of the investigation

that I have to take.

Oh, of course, you'll, uh, have

to inquire as to whether
I'm the one

putting the XYZ weapon
together.

(Diana)
'That's right.'

You'll check out my friends

'see if I have any
questionable ties'

with foreign countries.

Oh, and look for evidence
that I'm under

some great financial strain,
huh?

- It has to be done.
- Understood.

But let me point out right now

it'll prove fruitless.

I'm responsible
for what's happened

only in so far as,
ten months ago

I agreed to work for Dexter
in this awful undertaking.

- Where did you get these?
- Soldiers?

In a toy shop in Georgetown.

On Blakely Street.

[instrumental "Jingle Bells"]

♪ Merry Christmas
and Happy New Year ♪♪

(Orlich)
'May I help you?'

I thought you were
one of the dolls.

Oh, did you?

I must be quiet
on purpose for this one.

It's nap time. Shh!

- Well, she's cute.
- Ah, you like.

Uh, maybe I can
show you a doll?

No, I'm interested
in, uh, toy soldiers.

I have something,
something that will light up

your child's eyes
like two moons.

- Um, no, uh--
- Look.

Actually I'm interested
in the miniature kind.

- Miniature troops?
- Miniature troops.

Tinkertown Troops.
That's a brand name.

I saw some World War I models.

Uh, but, why would such
a pretty woman like you

take up such a morbid pastime?

Well, they're not for me,
they're for a friend of mine

for Christmas. He studies
Von Clausewitz as a hobby.

No miniature troops.
Perhaps the shop on Maple?

- You don't carry them?
- Mm, nope.

I was told you did.

No, no, you try
the shop on Maple

uh, just north
of Third Street.

Okay. Thank you.

Oh, and, missy, uh..

...at this time of year
an old man like me

gets tired
and sometimes very rude.

Maybe you'll accept this gift

for your dashboard in your car

and perhaps forgive
a tired old man?

Alright. Thank you very much
and Merry Christmas.

The same to you.

[whispers]
Bye.

[bells ring]

[music continues]

Ah, ah, my friends,
did you hear that?

She is a lady agent.

She's got to be stopped.

Ah, my love.

[beeping]

At last, your first voyage.

Your maiden voyage.

For it is a maiden

that you shall be destroying.

[beeping]

[instrumental music]

[whirring]

[whirring continues]

[tires screeching]

[explosion]

[thunderclap]

[beeping]

[beeping faster]

[beeping rapidly]

Tired old man, my eye.

Yes, you will
be my most perfect.

De creme,
de la creme de la creme.

Ah, now turn around.

Ah..

It's because of you, my love

all of my friends
and I will be happy

for a long, long time.

Now, let me see that
great big smile, hmm?

[dramatic music]

Mm-hm. Now,
let me get this straight.

You were strafed
by a model airplane?

That's right, there's a tree
out on County Line Road

with enough holes
in it to prove it.

Well, what's the name
of this toy maker?

We'll have him checked out
right away.

Orlich Hoffman, and he runs

the Jungle King Shop
on Blakely.

[door opens]

Steve?

- Dr. Lazaar is gone.
- Gone?

He's not in the safe house
we arranged.

Uh, it's alright.

- I had him moved.
- You what?

(Diana)
'Well, it was, uh,
obvious to me'

that after we lost Dr. Prescott

that our security measures
were a little inadequate

'so I had him moved.'

Yeah. Good work, Diana.
Uh, where is he now?

He's out of any
and all possible danger.

But exactly where is he?

I would just as soon
spare you the, uh

burdensome details, Dex.

Diana's right. The fewer people
that know, the better.

- Including you and me.
- I-I don't know.

Uh, how can we be sure

that her safety precautions
are gonna be tight enough?

We'll just have to trust her.

Steve, Project XYZ was mine.

If anything goes wrong,
the whole world will blame me.

- Not her. Me!
- Hey, relax, Dex. Trust her.

Like I told you before,
she's the best.

I see.

This list contains
the date and nature

of all
informational transactions

'concerning Major Dexter
that I have made.'

'In code, of course.'

You mean that you can tell me
if anything has ever been added

or deleted
from your memory banks?

(Ira)
Affirmative.

Well, has anything
ever been deleted?

Coded item E-4-F-8-7 indicates

a name was deleted
from his list

of associates in August
of last year.

- Can you tell me the name?
- Negative.

It has been erased
from my memory.

Well, uh, can you tell me
where it used to be on the list?

The name was positioned
between the names

Henderson, Michael T.

and Ingels, Barbara A.

Between H and I.
Hoffman.

It could have been
Hoffman's name

that was removed from the list.

A sound deduction.

The name fits into
the alphabetical sequence.

Dexter, Dexter wanted
to remove any connection

between himself
and that toy maker.

He's been behind it all along.

- Thank you very much, Ira.
- Thank you, Miss Prince.

- Merry Christmas, Ira.
- And a Merry Christmas to you.

Ho, ho, ho.

Ho...ho...ho.

[toy mewing]

She got away..

...from my plane.

Well, it's just as well.

[sighs]
She's the only one
who knows where Lazaar is.

We need her alive and fast.

Well, then, let's get her back
like we planned.

- No.
- No?

I need a guarantee this time.

Your oversized dolls
don't exactly have

a flawless performance record.

- Yeah, but they get better.
- I don't want better.

I want perfect!
And I want that guarantee.

If anything goes wrong with this
one, I will personally--

Nothing will go wrong.

- I'm this far, Hoffman.
- Huh.

I have been shining
my shoes like a good boy

and saying, "Yes, sir"
and "No, sir"

to a bunch of idiots
in uniform for 15 years

just waiting for something
like XYZ to come along

and I am this far
from making it pay off.

- I know, I know.
- This far!

From never having to sweat
or worry or take orders

or put up with anybody's
stupidity ever again.

And I'm depending on you.

I thought you..

And you can and you should.

You're the one human being
who believed in me

and what my toys could do.

You can depend on us, hm?

Alright.

We'll pick up Dr. Lazaar
in the morning.

And then we'll ship him out
with the other two doctors

and send them to my buyer
out of the country.

And then we'll reap
the rewards of Project XYZ.

- We won't let you down.
- That's right, you won't.

Because if you do,
you won't be alive.

[phone keypad beeping]

Get ready.

[grunts]

[telephone ringing]

- Hello.
- Hello?

Diana, uh, this is Dexter.

I have some wonderful news
for you.

I have found somebody
who knows the whereabouts

of Dr. Tobias and Dr. Prescott.

- Really?
- Yes.

I'd like you to meet
this person at midnight

at the southwest corner
of Perry Park.

Well, I'm gonna have to clear
this with Steve, you know.

Listen, I'll save you a dime.
Steve's right here.

(Steve on recorder)
'Diana, there's no time
to explain.'

'Just be at the park
in 20 minutes, like Dex said.'

'Call me when you have Tobias
and Prescott, okay?'

Uh, uh..

[sighs]

[instrumental music]

Hello, Diana.

Hello..

...Wonder Woman.

You've been, uh, working
on the XYZ case all along?

Yes. From the moment
Dr. Tobias disappeared

I knew that the safety of
the entire world was at stake.

- And you found the doctors?
- Yes.

In the basement
of that toy shop.

- Let's go.
- Anything you say.

Well, Diana, this
is your little night

for surprises, isn't it?

- Not really.
- Oh, come now.

Don't tell me I was high
on your hit parade

of suspects all along?

Let's just say that
I wasn't blinded

by faith the way Steve was.

Yes, I always say
there's nothing like

a good friend, right, Orlich?

Yes, one could always use

a good friend.

Absolutely.

Now, Diana,
where is Dr. Lazaar?

You can't possibly believe
I'd tell you?

No, I don't.

- Orlich.
- Yes.

(Orlich)
'My good friend.'

- My good friend.
- Yes.

[dramatic music]

[instrumental music]

[bell ringing]

[sighs]

(Dexter)
Now, Diana..

...you can't help but tell me
where you have hidden

the good Dr. Lazaar.

Where is he?

Oh, I can't.

He's the only one left.

Diana, where is Dr. Lazaar?

'Where did you arrange
to have him held?'

My apartment.

Uh, 410

in the Spruce Building.

Under what kind of guard?

Um..

...one plainclothesman
at the door.

A guard at the elevator.

Armed, both of them.

'And two cars circling
all the time.'

Uh, Diana?

Was there a password?

Yes. The guard at the door..

It's alphabet soup.

[laughing]

"Alphabet soup."

Any other safety precautions?

No, no, no, no.
Simpler the better.

How thoughtful.

[sighs]

- Go to sleep now, Diana.
- Hmm.

Have a nice long nap.

Make sure she stays under.

I'm going to get Lazaar.

Orlich, I want you
to load up Tobias

'and Prescott,
get them into the van.'

Meet me at the dam
at precisely 11 o'clock.

- You got that?
- 11 o'clock.

Uh, the lady, uh,
she was not in our plans.

Oh, you don't have
to worry about her.

After we're all through,
we'll find Sleeping Beauty

a nice quiet place
where she can just go

right on sleeping...forever.

Lock the door.

[instrumental music]

[knocking on door]

Good morning, uh, I wonder

if I might be able
to interest you

in a bowl
of alphabet soup?

Yes, sir, come in, please.

[Instrumental
"O Come All Ye Faithful"]

[groaning]

Ah, it is almost 11 o'clock.

We have to get them loaded
and on our way.

Come.

[dramatic music]

Yeah.

[grunting]

At this rate, we'll never
get him out of the basement

let alone the country.

Ah, I did pretty well

giving you strength

but not too good when it comes

to showing respect
for your elders.

[dramatic music]

[thunderclap]

[music continues]

Yes, only to get Dr. Tobias

and we should be on our way.

What's this?

What?

[train tooting]

Hey.

Oh, mommy, oh, mommy.

[screeching]

[clapping]

You should've stuck
to the toys

you were best at, Mr. Hoffman.

The harmless ones.

Stop her.

[intense music]

[train tooting]

[screeching]

[cackling]

[screeching]

[train tooting]

Well, what do you do now?

I'm going to get Dr. Tobias.

- It's almost 11:00.
- Right.

Good, good.

I go warm up the van.

[instrumental music]

[engine revving]

[birds chirping]

- Dexter.
- You're late.

Uh, we were unavoidably
detained by Wonder Woman.

- Wonder Woman?
- Yes.

She attempted
to foil our efforts.

You stupid fool!
What happened?

She failed.

As you can see,
we are here.

Now, the two doctors

are in the back of the van.

- You have Dr. Lazaar?
- Yes, yes. He's in the car.

We've got to reunite the three

send them out of the country

and we will be rich men, eh?

Get Lazaar.

My dear.

A pleasure.

[groans]

You know something, Orlich?

Most of your androids, I can
tell them from the real thing.

- Nonsense, my boy--
- No, I can.

I really can.
Nobody else can.

But I know your dolls
from the real thing

and I want to tell
you something.

This one looks like
the real thing.

I told you,
they get better.

This one's perfect.

She fools even you.

Don't count on it.

Am I to carry Dr. Lazaar
all of the way

out of the country,
or do you want him in the van?

Ah, see?

She even has
a sense of humor.

"Am I to carry.."

[sighs]

[chuckles]

[instrumental music]

Get back, Hoffman.

What are you doing?

No, if she's one of your
androids, you can rebuild her.

- But if she's not.
- No!

[gunshot]

No!

[gunshots]

[instrumental music]

[engine revving]

(Wonder Woman)
Dexter.

The disadvantage
of rear-wheel drive.

She was here last night,
and no one's seen her since.

Well, of course,
I'm concerned.

Why she's, she..

She's standing right here.
I'll call you later.

Sorry, uh, but I would
have called in. I couldn't.

I found the missing scientists.

Tobias and Prescott?

And Lazaar.

Wonder Woman got to them
just before

they were shipped out
of the country.

By whom? Who's behind all this?

Major Dexter.

Dex?

(Diana)
'Yes, with the help of, uh'

the little toy maker, Hoffman.

They were about to sell

the XYZ weapon
to a foreign country.

Wonder Woman has them both
under wraps.

I'll call the police.

No. Wait a minute.

She suggested that we let them
think their plan worked.

What?

She used her golden lasso

to make them forget
they were caught.

Now, it's our turn to replace

the scientists with androids.

You mean, let them ship

fake scientists
out of the country?

Arresting Dexter and Hoffman

would only publicize
this whole thing.

And the more people
that know about it, the greater

the chances are
that someone else will try it.

Yeah, well, that way
everybody would get

or everybody would think
they'd be getting

exactly what they wanted.

Right, and the XYZ weapon

can finally be forgotten
once and for all.

Wonder Woman's right again,
as usual.

Well, let's get started.

Everything's all set.

Uh, Hoffman happened
to store extra androids

of the scientists
in the basement of his toy shop.

- They're already at the dam.
- And the real scientists?

Safe and sound
at Valley Medical.

What do you say we
get a ringside seat?

Let's do.

Thank you.

[grunting]

Shall we?

They think everything
is going as planned.

[indistinct chatter]

I wonder what,
whoever bought the weapon

will do when they find out.

That they paid
for three androids?

Who wouldn't know Project XYZ
from a science fair project.

I'd say they'd be furious.

'They'll see to it
that Hoffman and Dex'

'get just what they deserve.'

(Dexter)
Whew!

[both chuckling]

It's always tough learning
who the people are

you can really trust.

Yeah, but I'll tell
you something, Diana.

It's a really good feeling
to know that there

are people you can trust.
Wonder Woman.

'That's one person
who will never let me down.'

I'd say you're right about that.

Which reminds me.
Excuse me.

[instrumental "Deck The Halls"]

[theme song]

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

♪ Here to fight
the force of evil ♪

♪ And your chance
won't be denied ♪

♪ Woman of the hour
with your superpower ♪

♪ We're so glad
you're on our side ♪

♪ Wonder Woman ♪

♪ You're a wonder
Wonder Woman ♪♪