Wiseguy (1987–2009): Season 3, Episode 14 - To Die in Bettendorf - full transcript

- [Narrator]
Tonight, on Wiseguy.

- You can't let him do this!

- He's in the Witness
Protection Program now.

- We're buying his silence.

He knows I'm an OCB operative,

he can't leave me
exposed like that.

- Why, you son of
a, get outta there!

- Station 2276,
we have a breach.

- You should've seen the
evil gleam in his eye

when he was handed the
divine right to re-create me.

To reduce me to an elemental,
an amoebic state, yes?



- I've had enough of this.

(gun firing)
(vase crashes)

- Please don't do that.

I'm on edge.

("Wiseguy Theme" by Mark Post)

(car engines roar)

(screaming)

(tense music)

- Lock up that stairwell,
seal the office.

You, sit down.

Morning, gentlemen.

- Uh, you guys want breakfast?

(whimpering)

- Hold it.



There's somebody in there.

(whimpering)

It's Sid Royce.

- We got a short count.

Patrice, Steelgrave,
Terranova, and one Aldo Baglia.

Ah, well, well, the boys.

- Detective.

- I could cut your throat

so's you'd drown
in your own blood.

- Now, now, now, now, now.

It's been a tough
morning on all of us.

Patrice and Steelgrave.

- And your man Terranova.

- Why, they're all my men, Sid.

I got the warrants to prove it.

- Look, those men will kill me.

- Yeah, I can see that.

- Then help me, yes?

Federal Witness Program,
I want immunity.

- Yeah, well, I want
eternal life myself, Sid,

but right now I'm just
gettin' ticked off.

And I guarantee you,
me in a bad mood

is the surest way
to no immunity,

no Federal Witness Program,

and no Money Mahoney
as a bunkmate.

- Look, I know Terranova's
a federal agent, uh-huh.

Look, do you have a superior
officer around here?

- Oh, excuse me, Sid.

Now, it may not
have dawned on you,

but your life has
taken a nasty turn.

Now, you got somethin' to sell,

you better dress it up,
put it in the window,

or I'm gonna buy someplace else.

- There is no place else.
- From a salesman

who's not facing capital
charges on the murder

of Atlantic City
Detective Karen Molloy.

(hand slapping)

(dramatic music)

- [Edwin] You'll be in
the Immunity Program,

but your accountant's
license will be revoked.

Sign here, and again
above your name,

and here. (clicks tongue)

- Where's the cost-of-living
adjustment we requested?

- [Sid] Mm-hmm, I
don't see an adjustment

in any of these documents.

- Well, we can't sign.

- You're the most dangerous
man in my life, Sid.

Now I came to this thing to
make sure there was no problems.

Now don't cause problems for me.

- Well, Agent Terranova,
there won't be any problems.

Your secret is
safe with me, hmm?

This cost-of-living issue
is a business matter.

Your input isn't needed.

- Without it, we can't sign.

(door slams open)

- You!

You drop that pen.

We don't need his testimony,
Mahoney just dropped dead.

I said stop it.

- Aah!
- Agent, assault.

I'll file papers,

this isn't --
- You want assault?

Oh, I'll give ya assault.
- Aah!

- Look, Frank!
- Frank.

- [Frank] Don't let him do this.

- Get a hold of yourself, Frank.

We've got a deal.

- Deal, there's nobody
left to testify against.

Steelgrave is dead,
Patrice, Baglia,

the only one worth a damn is
Mahoney, and now he's dead.

Sid Royce does not have anybody
to testify against, Edwin,

and you're gonna
give him immunity.

- It's too late, Frank.

The deal's done.

- [Sid] Oh, Frank?

- Why, you son of
a, get outta there!

Come on outta there!

Come on outta there!

- No, Frank, Frank --
- Aah!

- Now, he's in the Witness
Protection Program now.

He's my responsibility.
(sighs and clicks tongue)

Why don't you both leave.

- You are lettin' him
get away with murder.

His testimony is worthless.

- Frank, Frank, we're
buying his silence.

He knows I'm an OCB operative,

he can't leave me
exposed like that.

- I know how much you
put into this case.

I control Sid's life now.

I'll do whatever it takes
to make him miserable.

- Oh, oh great.
(chuckles sarcastically)

That's just peachy
for you, Edward.

And you tell me what
I get outta this.

- Well, what do you want?

Wanna choose the
new place he lives?

His new occupation?

You wanna give him his new name?

(suspenseful music)

(man grunting)
- Aah, ow!

That's hurting my little toe.

This is not the right
size, I said size seven.

- This is a seven.
- It's mis-marked.

- It is not mis-marked. (grunts)

- Yes it is, I'm a size seven.

- Madam, you haven't
been a size seven

since you were one day old.

- Well, I never.
- Exactly, madam,

now if you want
a shoe that fits,

I suggest you see a blacksmith.

- (screeching in disgust) Oh!

That clerk insulted me!

I'll never shop here again.

- Please, ma'am.
(woman scoffs)

We'll give you a discount.

You've been working
here three years.

The customer's
always right, Elvis.

Better shape up, I don't wanna
have to put you on report.

- [Woman] Is this shoe on sale?

(somber music)

(woman crying)

(alarm buzzes)

(door opens)

- Elvis?

Is that you?

- Were you expecting
someone else at Xanadu?

(Allison sighing)

I hope we're not having guests.

I only purchased enough
deep-fried gristle for two.

- Yup.

(sobbing)

I'm so --
- Oh, honey.

There, there, Allison.
(Allison sniffles)

It's that book again, now look.

We can't keep
living in the past.

Why don't we just throw
that thing out, yes?

- (sighing) I know.

I keep meaning to, but then I,

I start looking through it,

and I just can't
bring myself to.

I'm sorry, I'm honestly sorry.

- Well, why are you
doing the laundry?

It's uh, it's only Tuesday.

- 'Cause I hate to
see it piling up.

- I have plenty left
'til the end of the week.

- Well, what else
am I supposed to do

in this godforsaken place?

(sighing heavily)
If I don't keep up

with the laundry
and the cleaning,

I'll just become
addicted to soap operas

like all the other
culturally stagnated women

I run into at the Post Office.

"Priscilla," God
I hate that name,

"Priscilla, did you
see what happened

"to Felicia and Todd
on All My Ancestors?"

"No, I didn't."

"Well, you know, Felicia
had this affair with Lance,

"who turned out not to be
Todd's brother but his father."

Just can't stand it, Sid.

Oh, sorry, Elvis. (chuckles)

Well, we even lost our names.

- We still have each other.

(silverware clinking)

And we have breeding, Allison.

- Thank you.

- Breeding enough not
to succumb to the lives

led by the rubes
that surround us.

- Haven't we.

(sighing)

There's not so much wrong
with the way they live here.

It's, it's the
lies we live with.

Without friends, without
any relationships,

because we dare not
talk about the past.

And I don't wanna burden
you, Sid, but I miss it.

I miss my life, I
miss my friends.

I miss my parents.

I can live without
the money, but it's,

it's becoming impossible
for me to live

without some kind of
participation in the community.

I need to belong to
something so badly.

- Yes, yes, I know, dear.

But you know how
dangerous it is for me

to allow you to become
a person of the public,

such as it is here.

- But I need it.

- It's a risk I'm
not willing to take.

- Am I lyin'?

You all told me that she,
did she do this, really?

Oh, man.

I tell ya, Roseanne, I'll
make a deal with you.

I won't do no Roseanne jokes

if you keep your pants
on at baseball games.

(audience cheers and applauds)

(TV clicks off)
(sighing)

- Thank you.

- Get some sleep.

- Yes, of course.

(Allison sighs)

(lips smack) Good
night, Boo Boo.

- Good night, Noodles.

(hand slaps sheets)

- Allison?

(groaning)

Allison?

Allison?

(dramatic music)

(door closing)

(gasps)

(truck door shuts)

Allison!

Allison?

(engine rumbling)

(sobs) Oh my God, Allison.

In a pickup truck?

(knocking on door)

(car engine approaches)

- (sighs) I'm sorry I'm so late.

It's impossible to
get off the phone

when you're talking to bankers.

You know, you can
let yourself in.

I hope you haven't
been waiting too long.

- No no, just got here.

(keys clattering)

- Aw, these are so sweet.

Here, let me put 'em
down, and we can go.

Wanna come in?
- No, no,

I don't wanna miss
the reservation.

Is Drake here?

- Uh, no, he's over at Tommy's.

I'm sorry, did
you wanna see him?

- No, no, no, no,
it's all right.

- [Jenny] What?

- You look swell.

- [Jenny] Thanks.

- Nice car.

- Let's take it.

You know, I really
shouldn't be driving this,

but I'm trying to
establish myself

with a certain
level of clientele,

and image is so important.

And that old clunker
that you gave me

didn't project, you know.

- Uh-huh.

- Anyway, I got a terrific deal.

Actually it was sort
of a barter situation.

I worked it out with the
president of the bank.

It's a repo, I catered
his son's Bar Mitzvah.

Anyway, he really
wants me to succeed,

which is a good thing,
because I need a loan

for half a million dollars
to finance a new facility,

so I'm sort of the point
of diminishing returns now,

working out of the house.

To really expand, I need a place
where I can meet and greet,

you know, sort of
show off my wares,

plus a real service
kitchen in the back.

Right now I can only
cater two parties at once.

What?

- Nothing, I'm just very
surprised at how well

you've done since we
separated, I mean.

- Are you running this late?

- Oh just a little, he said
he wouldn't hold the table.

- Where are we going?

- Champignon.

(phone keys beeping)

(phone ringing)

- [Man] Le Champignon.
(speaking foreign language)

- Hello Maurice, it's Genevieve.

- Sweetheart, how are you?
- Wonderful,

I'm gonna see you tonight.

- [Maurice] Wonderful.

- The reservation
is under McPike.

And, uh, we may be
a few minutes late.

- [Maurice] (speaking
foreign language)

Uh, move them a big table
away from the kitchen.

Is not a problem, Genevieve,
is delicious to see you.

- Merci, Maurice.

(phone clicks)

- Well, you certainly have
everything under control.

- Nobody has everything
under control.

(mellow jazz music)

- Aww.

- With Maurice's compliments.

(Jenny laughs)

- So that's what I've been
doin', what about you?

- Me?

Well, honey, I've
found out a lot

of new things
since we separated.

I can broil a mean steak,

comparative shopping has
become a big part of my life.

(laughing)

I'm lonely.

When I'm totally involved in
a case, I work 20 hours a day,

I drag myself home and
throw myself into bed.

I'm absorbed in what I'm doing.

I suppose it was
pretty much like that

when we were together.

But in the down times,
between assignments,

or on those rainy
Sunday afternoons,

it hits me real hard
how lonely I am.

How much I miss being married.

I never thought it was
a need, just a fact.

But I do miss it.

I'm not trying to
pressure you, Jenny.

At least I don't think
I am, I hope I'm not.

It's, it's just a realization.

- I don't feel pressured.

I think it's
terrific that you're

dealing with these feelings.

- Dealing with these feelings?

You know, I really
don't wanna be a Yuppie.

- (laughing) I don't think
you got a problem there.

- Comes back to the
work, doesn't it?

It's always the work.

You know, now that you're
doing what you're doing,

you help people celebrate life.

I do what I do, I watch
people destroy life.

What I do is not
a healthy thing,

I know it's not a healthy thing.

(sighs) But it's
a necessary thing.

You havin' fun?

- Yeah, I am havin' fun.

You haven't been
this open since,

for years.

You know, it's tough
being married to a hero.

And I do think you're a hero.

- (chuckles) A hero, huh?

I'm one horny hero.

- It's dealing with
that kind of adversity

that makes you heroic.

- Wanna dance?

- Yeah.

(romantic jazz music)

(knocking on door)

- Elvis Prim, it's Edwin Lucas.

(knocking on door)

Elvis, open up.

(knocking on door)

(door clicking)

(ominous music)

(dramatic music)

(phone keys beeping)
(phone rings)

This is Lucas, Station
2276, we have a breach.

Elvis has left Bettendorf.

(romantic jazz music)

♪ Just for the sight of you oh

(pager beeping)
Oh, oh.

Oh, I'm sorry. (sighing)

- It's okay.

- This will only take
a second, I promise.

(phone keys beeping)

(phone ringing)
(exhaling heavily)

- [Man On Phone] Communications?

- McPike.

- [Man On Phone] Hold on.

- [Edwin] Frank, it's Lucas.

- Edwin?

- We've lost Elvis. (sighing)

- What are you, drunk?
- Elvis Prim.

- Sid.

- He's left Bettendorf without
authority, he's in breach.

- You're his custodian,
Edwin, not me.

- Procedure, Frank, you're
the arresting officer.

- Edwin, you know, I
have been separated

from my wife for 15 months.

Calls like this are
part of the reason why.

Now, we are out at a
nice, quiet dinner.

I don't wanna be
bothered with it anymore.

- Frank, Frank, lighten
up, I had to let you know.

- (sighing) Do you have
any idea where he's going?

- Uh, there's a Dear John
letter from his wife.

She apparently left him.

(sighing) His scrapbook's here.

It's open to an article
about the arrest.

The one with your picture in it.

- So what, Sid's a coward.

So his wife left him, huh?

Good, now he knows how I feel.

Edwin, leave me out of this.

- Just goin' by the book, Frank.

(sighing) Have a good evening.

- You too, Edwin.

(phone handset clicks)

- Everything all right?

- Yeah, yeah, it's fine.

- Should we go?

(sighing)

- Well, I was hoping

we could spend a little
more time together.

- We can still go.

(brakes squeal)
Frank.

- Yeah?

- Drake is spending
the weekend at Tommy's.

Would you like spending
the weekend with me?

No harm, no foul, no obligation.

Drake made this in Shop.

- Oh hey, that's pretty good.

- (chuckling) He's
awful proud of it.

Uh, I have this dessert wine,

it's awfully frustrating not
being able to try it myself.

Would you mind
being a guinea pig?

- No, not at all.

- I'll put these in water.

(gasping)

- Looking for this, yes?

(screaming)

Don't do it, Frank.

(ominous music)

It's an effective,
if overbearing,
little dessert wine.

But the quail eggs seem
a trifle gummy, mm-hmm?

Shoot me, and the reflex
will kill her, yes?

Now, Frank, I want
you to take your gun

and put it in the
trash compactor.

- Stay calm.

- Yes, be calm.

Calm is nice, don't you think?

(gun thuds)

All right now, you
be a good little boy,

Frank, and turn it on.

(door closes)

(switch clicks)

(compacter thudding)
Come closer, yes?

(compacter clinking)

(ominous piano notes)

Now, let's see, we haven't met.

You must be Frank's
lovely little wife.

And do you know who I am?

I'm Elvis Prim.

And this is my father.

(dramatic strings)

I admit to my crimes,

but they were fiduciary
in nature, yes?

The subtle juxtaposition
of debits and credits and,

captains of industry
stumbled and are banished to,

to Paradise wearing
golden parachutes,

but I stumbled, and this man,

oh, you should have seen
the look on his face, Jenny.

Justice was not
paramount in his mind.

Oh, the evil gleam in his
eye when he was handed,

by callous bureaucrats, the
divine right to re-create me,

to reduce me to an elemental,
an amoebic state, yes?

I am Sidney David Royce.

I am MENSA Society, graduate
of Wharton at the age of 19,

I am the Metropolitan
Club, I am the sum total

of breeding, discipline,
and education,

I am not Elvis Prim.

You, you are Elvis Prim.

(badge thudding)
Wear it.

Wear it!

(suspenseful music)

(laughing)

Now don't you feel common?

Could I have some
more pate please?

He chose my name.

My residence.

My occupation.

Am I guessing correctly, Frank,

you've never been a
small-town shoe salesman, huh?

- Most respectable
job you ever had.

- Frank, can't you
see he is suffering?

(glass clinks onto table)

- Oh, you don't know
the depth of it.

It was humiliating, as
he knew it would be.

All of my God-given talent,
and I'm shoeing hayseeds.

And I lost my,

Boo Boo.

Noodles misses his Boo Boo.

(sobs) Oh, that's my Allison.

She abandoned me

for a man in a pickup truck.

Do you think it's
right for any man

to deprive another of the deep

and abidingly close
relationship of matrimony?

- Oh, of course not.

- (sobbing) I am without mate.

I envy you this happy home.

I envy this mundane dwelling
and the love within it.

- Of course you
do, you poor thing.

- I've had enough of this.

(gun firing)
(vase clattering)

- Please don't do that.

I'm on edge.

(ominous strings)

- Well, I was
following regulations.

- Regulations are
minimum standards.

You can't read a man on a phone,

you've got to look at his eyes.

You would've
anticipated a problem.

What about family?

- He had no family, just a wife.

A note indicates
that she left him.

I think it triggered
his running.

- But his running to where?

All right, wat about the
arresting officer, Frank McPike?

- He's been informed.

- Well, he should be called in,

maybe he's got a sense of
Prim that's escaped you.

- (sighing) He's in the middle

of patching things
up with his wife.

He asked not to be disturbed.

- Too damn bad.

We have got a
candy-ass Mob accomp

running around out there
with a price on his head.

McPike can keep his pants
on a few hours longer.

Now try and find him.

- Sid?
- Hm.

- I empathize with you.

- Oh, the
psychological approach.

The hostage negotiator
speaks, yes?

- No, I'm not tryin'
to negotiate with you.

If Jenny wasn't here I'd kick

your brains out.
(Sid scoffs)

Go on, I don't care.

See, 15 months ago, my wife
kicked me out of the house.

- What?

- Oh, that's right.

So if you envy me, don't
you envy me my life.

Envy me my freedom.

For over a year I've been
livin' out of a suitcase.

I dine out of paper bags
and plastic containers.

My son is the occasional visitor

in whatever hovel I'm living in.

You see, what you
dropped in on here

was the first date
since I got the boot.

You didn't fall into
suburban heaven here, Elvis.

The love in this mundane
dwelling is totally one-sided.

- Is this true?

- No.

- What is it, then?

- It's a misinterpretation.

It was stifling taking a
backseat to your career.

Never knowing where you were,
if you were coming home.

- You're just as big
a failure as I am.

- (laughing) That's
right, Sport.

You know, you tell
yourself, or I told myself,

I have no idea what you'd
be telling yourself,

but I told myself that
what I was doing was right,

it was an upstanding
way to live.

That I was providing
for my family.

That I was providing a little
something for the society.

And one day you come
home, and you discover

what you've been doing
is, quote, stifling
the one you love.

- How well I know.

- Allison went
with you willingly.

She tried to make it
work for three years.

- She was a socialite reduced
to working class frau.

Finally, she, uh, couldn't
stomach the proletariat.

(phone ringing)

I came here for a reason.

You can leave now, Jennifer.

- What do you mean?

- There's no need for you to
be a part of unpleasantness.

- Go on, Jenny.

- No.
- Jenny.

- You're gonna shoot
Frank if I leave.

- I'm trying to
spare you the trauma

of any spontaneous action
that may transpire, yes?

- I'm not leaving.

- Jenny.

(pager beeping)

- Don't touch that!

Jennifer, see what it says.

- 319-6427 --

- (gasping) Give me
that, give it to me.

It's Boo Boo.

(phone handset clicking)
(phone keys clicking)

Boo Boo's trying to, trying
to find me. (laughing)

(phone ringing)
- Lucas.

- [Sid] Where's my wife?

- Elvis?

- Sid Royce, you civil servant.

I want my Boo Boo
back immediately.

Or the actual Elvis Prim
will cease to exist.

You tell him, Elvis.

- [Edwin] Sid,
Sid, don't hang up.

We have to keep the line
of communication open.

Sid, Sid!

- Hello, Edwin.

- Oh, God.

- Oh, God.

- Tell him!
- Frank, Frank, are you there?

- Edwin, if Sid doesn't
get his Boo Boo back,

he's going to shoot me.

- Precisely.

(phone handset clicks)

- (grunts) He's holding McPike.

(phone keys clicking)

This is Lucas,
Field Director 1453.

We have a situation.

(weapons clattering)

(suspenseful music)

- You know, Sid, you could
help 'em find Allison.

- How can I help them?

Don't move.

- I was just going
to call Lucas back.

- Don't touch that phone.

- You could tell
them what happened.

You could help Lucas find her.

- All right, but,

you just remember
I'm listening to you.

(phone keys beeping)

(phone rings)

- Lucas.
- McPike.

- [Edwin] Frank, you all right?

- I wanna give you
some information about

Allison Royce --
- No, no, no, it's Boo Boo.

- Boo Boo.

You remember what the man
she left with was like?

- I mean, he was, he
was wearing plaid.

But they all wear plaid.

- What about the truck?

- Well, it was, Boo Boo got
into the truck and it went away.

She fled from me, my Boo Boo.

- [Edwin] Frank.

- You know, sometimes it helps

to re-create a mental picture.

- Yes, yes, re-creation
of the event, uh-huh.

- If you close your eyes.
- Uh-huh.

- And try to
reconstruct the event,

can you remember what
color the truck was?

- What?

- You remember the color of
the truck that Boo Boo was in?

- [Sid] Uh.

- You close your eyes and
reconstruct the event.

- Reconstruct the
event, find my Boo Boo.

A trick, yes?
(ominous music)

(laughing)

Boo,

Jen,

Jennifer.

Come over here.

- [Edwin] Frank.

Frank, what's going on?

- It was a red truck.

- [Edwin] Frank.

- You remember the plate?

Did you see a plate?

- No.

But there was an American
flag on the back window, yes.

- Red truck, American flag
decal in the rear window.

- [Edwin] Got it, anything else?

- (sobbing) Boo Boo.

Boo Boo.

Please, leave us alone.

Please leave us alone.

(phone handset clicks)
- Take your hands off her.

- It was very nice of you
to come see us, Mr. McPike.

- Jenny.

- I hope that you
come again soon.

But now it's very late,

and Noodles needs his rest.

(giggling)

- Noodles?
- Is very tired, and,

now don't be a pest.

- I really think you should go.

(lights buzz)

- Frank.
- Vince?

That son of a bitch is
armed, and he's crazy.

- Now Frank, wait a minute.

(police radio chatter)

- (sighing) I know
what I'm doing, Vince.

I want these lights out.

I don't want you
to make any move.

He doesn't need
to be stimulated.

- Get these lights out,
no noise, no movement.

(suspenseful music)

Royce is off the
deep end, Vince.

He could snap at any second.

- Want me to do
this for you, Frank?

- No, Vince, you carry enough.

- Noodles doesn't wanna sleep?

- (sobbing) My head is
full of bumble bees.

- What can I do?

- If I can just
think of one thing.

- [Frank] Come on, Jenny,
just move, just a touch.

- Frank.

If you want me to
do this for you.

- [Frank] It's my
problem, Vince.

- I have a terrible problem.

- What is it, dear?

- My little business,
I'm so embarrassed.

- Your business, what's wrong?

- [Frank] Come on, you bastard.

- Don't be mad?
- Never.

- My books.

- Books?

- Ledger.

I haven't wanted to bother you.

- Oh, how could you think of,

show me, Boo Boo.

- I'll just be a second.

- Boo Boo?

I love you.

- I love you, too.

- And after all the
things I've done,

you're too good for
me, Boo Boo. (sobs)

- Please help me

with my books -
- Yes,

(sobs) yes.

(gun firing)

(Jenny screams)

(dramatic music)

- He was letting me go, Frank.

(sobbing) My God, he
was letting me go.

(sirens wailing)

- It rings in my ears, Jenny.

It's there all the time,
it's there right now.

In 20 years of police work,

all the times that
I've, (sighing)

that I have used my gun, I
have never been a sniper.

- I'm sorry, Frank.

- I'm sorry too, Jenny,
I just want you to know

I believe I had no other choice.

- Don't say you did
it because of me.

I can't stand stand the thought

that you killed a
man because of me.

- I didn't do it for you, Jenny.

No matter who was being held
hostage I would've done it.

At least that's what
I keep telling myself.

(somber music)

("Wiseguy Theme" by Mark Post)

(lively music)