Wings (1990–1997): Season 2, Episode 4 - Sports and Leisure - full transcript

[seagulls cawing]

I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE.

WE'RE NOT
GONNA BE ABLE TO GET

THAT NEW NOSE WHEEL STRUT
TILL WEDNESDAY.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO CANCEL
ALL OF TOMORROW'S FLIGHTS.

YES!

YOU THINK SHUTTING DOWN
IS GOOD NEWS, BRIAN?

NO, I JUST MANAGED TO REALIGN
MY SHORTS WITH NO HANDS.

PRAY TELL, WHAT'S THIS?

[enunciating like a toddler]
HAS THE POOR LITTLE
SANDPIPER HURT HIS WING

AND CAN'T FLY ANYMORE? OH.



YEAH, LOOK, ROY,
WE'RE GONNA TRY

TO RESCHEDULE OUR PASSENGERS
ON SOME OF YOUR FLIGHTS.

[laughing]

AND WHAT'S THAT?
AH. OH.

THAT'S THE SOUND OF THE HAPPY
AEROMASS CASH REGISTER.

KA-CHING, KA-CHING,
KA-CHING.

GOD,
I MUST LIVE RIGHT.

HEY, JOE,
ANY LUCK FINDING THAT PART?

I'M AFRAID NOT.

YES!

WHY DOES EVERYONE
SEEM TO BE THRILLED

AT MY TEETERING
ON THE VERGE OF BANKRUPTCY?

BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING
FISHING ON LOWELL'S BOAT.

YES, WE SORT OF
MADE CONTINGENCY PLANS
IN CASE YOU WERE GROUNDED.



YOU EXPECT ME
TO CLOSE UP COMPLETELY?

NO, WE'LL PUT
THE PHONE MACHINE ON.

COME ON, JOE, PLAY HOOKY.

AND WHAT ABOUT LOWELL?
HAVE YOU CLEARED IT WITH HIM?
YES, THIS MORNING.

OH, THEN, YOU HAVEN'T
SPOKEN WITH HIM LATELY.

HE'S IN THERE RIGHT NOW,

BUSTING HIS BUTT
TRYING TO REPAIR
THAT OLD STRUT.

HE TOLD ME HE WON'T REST
UNTIL IT'S FIXED.

BELIEVE ME, FISHING
IS THE LAST THING ON HIS MIND.

UH, SOMEBODY GIVE ME
A HAND OVER HERE.

I WAS PRACTICING
CASTING AND I--

LOWELL, LOWELL, PLEASE,

UH, I THINK WE CAN
PIECE TOGETHER THE REST
OF THIS PERPLEXING MYSTERY.

WHAT ABOUT THAT STRUT,
LOWELL?

YEAH, A NOSE WHEEL STRUT

IS A VERY TRICKY
PIECE OF EQUIPMENT, JOE.

YEAH, YOU SAID THAT
AN HOUR AGO.

I DON'T THINK I SAID "VERY."

SORRY, JOE,
THAT SUCKER'S SHOT.

WELL, I GUESS
THE ONLY QUESTION LEFT IS, UH,

[all cheering]
WHAT DO WE USE FOR BAIT?

[all cheering]
YES! YES! YES!

WHAT'S ALL THAT SHOUTIN'
ABOUT?

WHO'S SHOUTING?
UH, NOTHING, ROY.

WE'RE JUST EXCITED
ABOUT GOING FISHING.

OH, I HAVEN'T BEEN
FISHIN' IN MONTHS.

WOULD YOU LIKE
TO COME WITH US?

WITH YOU PEOPLE? HA.

NOT ON A BET.
I TAKE MY FISHIN' SERIOUSLY.

[Helen whistles]

[exclaiming]
WAS THAT CLOSE?

(Helen)
WOW.

FAY, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

ROY ALWAYS RUINS EVERYTHING.

THE--THE--THE V.F.W. PICNIC,

YOUR NEW YEAR'S EVE PARTY.

THE IMPORTANT THING IS,
IS THAT HE'S NOT COMING
THIS TIME.

SO, WHY DON'T WE MEET HERE
IN THE MORNING?

I'LL MAKE US SOME COFFEE
AND WE'LL TAKE THE JEEP
DOWN TO THE MARINA.

UH, WOULD YOU LIKE ME
TO PUT TOGETHER
A LITTLE PICNIC LUNCH?

OH, FAY,
THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

DON'T GO TO
TOO MUCH TROUBLE, JUST,

YOU KNOW,
MAKE SOME SANDWICHES.

YOU WANT ME
TO MAKE SOMETHING?

I--I--I WAS JUST GONNA
PICK UP SOME SALADS
AT THE DELI.

OH, OK, GREAT.

NO, I'LL MAKE SANDWICHES.

OK, WHATEVER.

SHE WANTS ME
TO MAKE SOMETHING.

WHY DOESN'T
SHE MAKE SOMETHING?

SHE'S THE ONE
WHO'S UP TO HER ANKLES
IN COLD CUTS ALL DAY.

UH, TURKEY,
OR HAM AND SWISS?

UH, HAM AND SWISS.

SURE,
PICK THE COMPLICATED ONE.

(Helen)
MORNING, BRIAN.

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?

BRIAN!

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?
COME ON, YOU'RE NOT ASLEEP.

ALL RIGHT.

STOP RIGHT THERE.
BRIAN!

QUIT IT!

I MEAN IT.

[banging]

HONESTLY, BRIAN,
YOU ARE SUCH A CHILD.

MORNING, MOM.
TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL YET?

I CAN'T BELIEVE
I'M UP BEFORE WILLARD SCOTT.

GOOD MORNING.

MORNING, FAY.

OH, FAY, YOU LOOK WIPED.

WHY WOULDN'T I? I WAS UP
HALF THE NIGHT COOKING.

[exclaiming]
OH, FAY,
THIS LOOKS WONDERFUL.

OH, HELEN, I'M SO SORRY
FOR ALL THOSE AWFUL THINGS
I SAID TO YOU.

WHAT AWFUL THINGS?

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
I WAS TALKING TO...

NEVER MIND.

MORNING.
HEY.

NICE DUDS, JOE.

AH, SAY, OLD BEAN,
GIVE ME THE KEYS TO THE CAR.
I LEFT THE SUNSCREEN IN THERE.

THIS ONE.

FORGET IT.
I'D RATHER BURN
THAN WATCH THIS.

WE BETTER GET GOIN',
LOWELL'S WAITING.

HEY, HELEN,
IT'S GONNA BE HOT TODAY.
WHY DIDN'T YOU WEAR SHORTS?

I DIDN'T HAVE TIME
TO SHAVE MY LEGS.

OH, WHOA! CHECK, PLEASE.

REALLY, COULDN'T YOU HAVE
MADE SOMETHING UP?

OH, FOR PETE'S SAKE.

MORNIN', ALL.

ROY,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WELL, I THOUGHT
YOU DEBUTANTS NEEDED
A REAL FISHERMAN ALONG.

YOU DID INVITE ME,
DIDN'T YOU?

YEAH, WE SURE DID.

WOULD YOU PLEASE
STOP DOING THAT?

WELL, SHOULD WE ALL GET GOING?

NOW, I HOPE YOU GUYS
LIKE SLIM WHITMAN.

I'VE GOT 75
OF HIS GREATEST HITS.

NOT AVAILABLE IN STORES,
YOU KNOW.

WHY--WHY DID HE
HAVE TO SHOW UP?

FORGET ABOUT HIM.
WE'LL HAVE FUN ANYWAY.

HEY, AND DON'T WORRY
ABOUT THAT FISHY SMELL
GETTIN' ON YOU.

I BROUGHT PLENTY
OF LEMON WEDGES
AND PAPER TOWELS

TO WIPE OUR HANDS ON.

WHY DID I HAVE TO SHOW UP?

[laughing]

(Roy)
I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU BOZOS FELL FOR THAT.

YOU YELLED,
"FIRE, FIRE! ABANDON SHIP."

WHAT WERE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?

YOU DID WHAT YOU WERE
SUPPOSED TO DO.

YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY ARE
A FUN LITTLE GROUP.

OH, COME ON.
DON'T BE SORE.

AFTER ALL, YOU GOT ME BACK
WHEN YOU SAID

THERE WAS
ANOTHER SAUSAGE ROLL,
BUT THERE REALLY WASN'T.

LOOK, FRIDAY NIGHT AT HELEN'S.

TRIVIAL PURSUIT, RIGHT?

I'M GOOD AT THAT GAME,
SO WATCH OUT.

WAIT A MINUTE.
HOW DID HE KNOW?

WHAT?

[shivering]

FAY, YOU INVITED ROY
FOR FRIDAY NIGHT, DIDN'T YOU?

GIVE ME 10 MINUTES WITH HIM,
LIEUTENANT.

I'LL GET IT OUT OF HER.

I MIGHT HAVE MENTIONED SOME--

OH, FAY.

WHEN DID YOU TELL HIM?

WHEN WE WERE BOBBING
UP AND DOWN IN THE WATER?

NO. BEFORE THAT,
MISS SARCASTIC PANTS.

YOU KNOW,
I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

WE'VE BEEN TRYING TO PLAN
A TRIVIAL PURSUIT NIGHT
FOR AGES.

AND NOW ROY IS
HORNIN' IN ON IT.

UH, UH, NO WAY IS HE COMIN'!

HE HAS TO COME.

HE'S MAKING
HIS FAMOUS PASTA SALAD.
AW.

IT'S REALLY QUITE GOOD.

NO KIDDING? DOES HE USE
FRESH OR DRIED PASTA?

FRESH TORTELLINI STUFFED
WITH BASIL AND CHEESE.

MMM. THAT SOUNDS GOOD.
I HEAR HE MAKES
HIS OWN MAYONNAISE.

REALLY? YOU KNOW,
I TRIED THAT ONCE.
YEAH--

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.
THAT'S 'CAUSE YOU DON'T--

CAN WE EXCHANGE
RECIPES LATER, PLEASE?

WE'RE TALKING
ABOUT ROY HERE.

YEAH, BRIAN'S RIGHT.

FAY, YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO UNINVITE HIM.

NO, I CAN'T.
PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME.
I'M TERRIBLE AT THAT.

I DON'T WANT TO HURT
ANYONE'S FEELINGS.

NO, I'M SORRY, BUT I CAN'T.

I WISH I COULD, BUT I CAN'T.
NO, NO WAY. UH-UH.

[door closing]

FINE. I'LL DO IT.

UH, HELEN, COULD YOU ASK ROY
TO COME IN HERE, PLEASE?

BRIAN, FREEZE.

I DIDN'T MOVE.

YEAH, BUT YOU WERE
THINKIN' ABOUT IT.

I JUST WANT YOU IN HERE
TO BACK ME UP.

JUST GO ALONG WITH
WHATEVER I SAY, ALL RIGHT?

[knock on door]
YEAH, COME IN.

HI.
WHAT DO YOU WANT,
HACKETT?

UH, COME ON IN.
IT'S ABOUT FRIDAY NIGHT.
OH.

UH, LISTEN, WE'RE REALLY ONLY
DOING THIS FOR FAY'S BENEFIT.

IT'S PROBABLY
GONNA BE A DRAG.

SO, UM,
I'M GONNA DO YOU A FAVOR
AND LET YOU OFF THE HOOK.

YOU DON'T REALLY
HAVE TO COME.

THIS ISN'T ABOUT FAY,
IS IT?

YOU JUST DON'T
WANT ME THERE, DO YOU?

BASICALLY, NO.

[blubbering]

ROY...

I THINK WE UNDERESTIMATED
HIS SENSITIVITY LEVEL.

WHO KNEW HE HAD ONE?

[Roy blubbering]

DO YOU BELIEVE THIS?

15 MINUTES AND COUNTING.

POOR ROY.
HE'S PROBABLY EMBARRASSED

BECAUSE HE LET HIS EMOTIONS
GET THE BETTER OF HIM.

WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE
WE WOULD LAUGH OR MAKE
FUN OF HIM OR ANYTHING.

[Roy blubbering]

[all laughing]

COME ON! COME ON.
WE CAN'T DO THIS.
THAT'S ALL.

[Roy blubbering]

NOW.
SERIOUSLY.

MAYBE WE SHOULD RE-INVITE
ROY FOR FRIDAY NIGHT.

AH, WHAT THE HELL?
WHY NOT?

OK.

[sniffling]

YOU PEOPLE MUST
REALLY THINK I'M PITIFUL.

WHY WOULD WE THINK THAT?

LISTEN, ROY, MAYBE WE WERE
A LITTLE HASTY BEFORE.

WE'D REALLY LIKE
TO HAVE YOU FRIDAY NIGHT.

OH, HACKETT,
YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT.

NO, ROY.
WE WOULD REALLY LIKE
FOR YOU TO BE THERE.

REALLY WOULD.
ALL OF YOU?

YES.

WELL, IN THAT CASE,

KISS OFF.

I DON'T NEED YOU.

I DON'T NEED
THE KIND OF PEOPLE

WHO WOULD TURN
THEIR BACKS ON A MAN

WHO WAS OBVIOUSLY LONELY,

AND WANTING
OF A LITTLE FRIENDSHIP.

GRANTED,
WE HAVE TO WORK TOGETHER

IN THIS AIRPORT
BECAUSE OF OUR JOBS,

BUT BEYOND THAT,
BEYOND THESE WALLS,

YOU PEOPLE ARE DEAD
IN MY EYES.

DO YOU THINK
IF WE ASK HIM NICELY

HE'LL STILL MAKE
THE PASTA SALAD?

[tapping]

OH, HI, ROY.

HEY, HACKETT.

UH, SHINING HER UP, HUH?
YEAH.

YOU GO AHEAD.
DON'T LET ME STOP YOU.

YOU KNOW, WATCHING YOU
DO THAT TAKES ME BACK A BIT.

I--I USED TO DO THE SAME THING
WHEN I GOT MY FIRST PLANE.

NO KIDDING?

IT WAS AN OLD
DEHAVILLAND TWIN OTTER

I GOT FROM SOME GUY
IN DELAWARE.

YEAH,
SHE WASN'T MUCH TO LOOK AT,

BUT THERE WAS SOMETHIN'
ABOUT HER THAT...
I DON'T KNOW.

SHE WAS SPECIAL.

GOD, I LOVED THAT PLANE.

YEAH, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO HER?

I TORCHED IT AND MADE
A BUNDLE ON INSURANCE.

[sighing]
WELL,

I GUESS
I--I BETTER BE GETTIN' BACK.

[keys jingling]

IS THERE SOMETHING
YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT, ROY?

NO. NO.

YEAH.

HOW DO YOU DO IT, HACKETT?

DO WHAT?

I MEAN, WE BOTH RUN
COMMUTER AIRLINES
ON THIS ISLAND.

BUSINESS-WISE, YOU MIGHT SAY
WE'RE ON THE SAME LEVEL.

YEAH, EXCEPT,
AS YOU ALWAYS REMIND ME,
I HAVE 1 PLANE AND YOU HAVE 6.

AND I'M ABOUT TO BUY A 7TH.
I'M TRYING TO BE NICE HERE,
ALL RIGHT.

WHAT I'M SAYIN' IS,
BUSINESS-WISE WE'RE THE SAME.

BUT--BUT PERSONAL-WISE...

YOU KNOW, UM, YOU KNOW,
SOCIAL, SOCIAL-WISE,

I CAN'T COMPETE.

ROY, UH--
PEOPLE LIKE YOU, HACKETT.

NOT JUST IN THIS AIRPORT,
BUT ALL OVER THE ISLAND.

HELL, EVEN I LIKE YOU
AND I CAN'T STAND YOU.

HOW DO YOU DO THAT?
HOW DO YOU MAKE PEOPLE
LIKE YOU?

[plane engine whirring]

[sighing]

YOU CAN'T MAKE
PEOPLE LIKE YOU, ROY.

UH, I GUESS IF PEOPLE LIKE ME,
MAYBE IT'S 'CAUSE, UH,

I TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY
I'D LIKE TO BE TREATED.

OH, NO, NOT THAT
GOLDEN RULE CRAP AGAIN.

WELL, MAYBE IT'S CORNY,
BUT IT WORKS.

AND I GUESS IT HELPS
THAT I LIKE PEOPLE.

I LIKE PEOPLE.

WELL, EXCEPT FOR THE BOZOS
AND THE WEIRDOS

AND THE INCOMPETENT
JERKS LIKE...

OK. OK. OK.

WHAT DO YOU DO
IF YOU DON'T LIKE PEOPLE?

[chuckling]

THERE'S NO
BIG SECRET TO IT, ROY.

LISTEN, A MINUTE AGO

YOU SAID THAT
YOU WERE TRYING TO BE NICE.

WELL, DON'T TRY TO BE NICE.

BE NICE.
PEOPLE WILL RESPOND IN KIND.

THEY WILL?

BELIEVE ME, THEY WILL.

EVEN CERTAIN PEOPLE
ON A CERTAIN FRIDAY NIGHT?

WE'D LOVE IT
IF YOU'D JOIN US, ROY.

REALLY.

I'D BE DELIGHTED TO ATTEND.

OH, HEY, ROY--

DON'T WORRY.
I'LL BRING THE PASTA SALAD.
I'M NOT STUPID.

GREAT.

OH, AND THANKS, HACK--

THANKS, JOE.

SURE, ROY.

[laughing nervously]

I'M TELLIN' YOU,

IF YOU GUYS COULD HAVE
SEEN ROY IN THE HANGAR
THE OTHER DAY,

HE WAS LIKE A LITTLE BOY.

DID HE STILL HAVE
THE MUSTACHE?

OK, JOE,
IF HE'S NICE TO US,

WE'LL BE NICE TO HIM.
EVERYBODY AGREE?

(Fay)
I AGREE.

I SAY WE PANTS HIM
AND ROLL HIM OFF THE PIER.

[knock on door]

HI, ROY.

(Joe)
HI, ROY, COME ON IN.
YOU LOOK GREAT.

HELLO, GOOD PEOPLE.

WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO PUT THAT
IN THE FRIDGE FOR YOU?

OH, PLEASE, PLEASE, HELEN.
OH, LET ME-- LET ME KNOW
WHEN YOU WANNA SERVE IT.

I LIKE TO TOSS IN
THE FRESH DILL
AT THE LAST MINUTE.

BOY, YOU REALLY ARE
A GOURMET COOK, HUH, ROY?

OH, YES, I ENJOY COOKING.

IT PROVIDES ME
WITH A CREATIVE OUTLET.

AH, THAT'S NOT
THE ONLY OUTLET
IT PROVIDES YOU WITH.

[laughing]

[laughing]

THAT'S DELIGHTFUL, BRIAN.

WELL, SHALL WE
BEGIN THE GAME?

YEAH, OK,
BEFORE WE START,

UH, WE GOT TO CHOOSE TEAMS.

NOW FIRST, WE EACH TAKE
A SCORING WEDGE OR "PIE,"

AS THEY'RE SOMETIMES CALLED.

THEN WE HOLD OUT
OUR HANDS CONTAINING
THE SCORING WEDGE OR "PIE,"

AND WHEN I SAY "NOW,"

WE OPEN OUR HANDS
SAYING "DECLARE" AS WE DO.

THE MATCHING COLORS
ARE TEAMS, OK?

ALL RIGHT.

DO WE ACTUALLY SAY
"DECLARE" OR DO WE
JUST HOLD OUT OUR HANDS?

NO, WE SAY IT.
OH, THAT IS STUPID.
WHY?

'CAUSE THAT'S
THE WAY YOU DO IT.

OK, READY?

NOW.

(all)
DECLARE.

AW, IT WAS EVEN STUPIDER
THAN I THOUGHT.

OK, TEAMS ARE:
HELEN AND ME,

BRIAN AND FAY,
ROY AND LOWELL.

[chuckling]

ROLL TO SEE
WHO GOES FIRST. 2.

ONE.
GO.

6, ALL RIGHT.
WE ARE FIRST.

CAN I BE CAPTAIN, ROY?

MY KIDS NEVER LET ME.

NOT ON YOUR--
UH, SURE. WHY NOT?

[clicking tongue]
HEY, CAPTAIN, HUH?

3.

ENTERTAINMENT.
THIS IS MY BEST CATEGORY.

OK, READY?

"WHAT LOVABLE REDHEAD
AND HER REAL-LIFE
CUBAN HUSBAND

STARRED IN THEIR
OWN TELEVISION SERIES
IN THE '50s?"

[imitating buzzer]
ANN-MARGRET.

LUCILLE BALL.

OK, LOWELL.
OK, OK, LOWELL.

THAT WAS A--
THAT WAS A GOOD TRY.

THEY'RE BOTH REDHEADS.
BUT, UH, LET'S CONFER
BEFORE ANSWERING, HUH?

[chuckling]
WE'RE PARTNERS.

RIGHT, PARTNER.
PARTNERS WHO DON'T TOUCH.

"WHAT HAPPENED AT 16 MINUTES
AND 11 SECONDS PAST 5:00 P.M.

"EASTERN STANDARD TIME
ON THURSDAY,

NOVEMBER 9, 1965?"

JOE VACUUMED SOMETHING.

I HAVE NO IDEA.
ME, EITHER.

THE LIGHTS WENT OUT.

[all exclaiming]

THE BLACKOUT.

I WAS IN QUIGLEY'S MARKET.

I WAS WATCHIN' T.V.

YEAH, I WAS IN THE GARAGE.
GOD, THE STORIES.

ALL RIGHT.

LOWELL,
THIS IS A PIE QUESTION,
SO PAY ATTENTION, HUH?

"WHAT DOES
SIMON WIESENTHAL HUNT?"

ANN-MARGRET.

[imitating buzzer]

DARN.

FUGITIVE NAZIS.

SIMON WIESENTHAL
HUNTS ANN-MARGRET?

WELL, I THOUGHT HE MIGHT BE
ONE OF THOSE CRAZED FANS, ROY.

CRAZED?
I'M GONNA SHOW YOU CRAZED--

ROY, TAKE IT EASY.
ROY, WE'RE JUST TRYING
TO HAVE A NICE EVENING.

YOU'RE RIGHT, JOE.

I'M SORRY, LOWELL.
I'M SORRY.

[Joe imitating clock ticking]

MUST YOU DO THAT?

IT IS KIND OF ANNOYING, JOE.

DON'T LET THE CLOCK
RUN OUT ON YOU.

(Joe)
DING! SORRY.

THE ANSWER IS "SMELL."

I FORGOT THE QUESTION.

WHAT SENSE IS
CLOSELY LINKED TO MEMORY?

OH, THAT'S RIGHT,
MY NOSE IS STUFFED UP.
I CAN'T REMEMBER A THING.

SCIENCE AND NATURE.

"WHO IS THE LARGEST USER
OF SILVER IN THE WORLD?"

[imitating buzzer]
ANN-MARGRET.

(Joe)
THE KODAK CORPORATION.

LOWELL, ARE YOU NUTS?

ANN-MARGRET,
THE LARGEST USER
OF SILVER IN THE WORLD?

HAVE YOU SEEN HER VEGAS ACT,
ROY?

THAT GAL'S GOT SOME JEWELRY.

[growling]

JOE,
COULDN'T YOU JUST SAY,

"IS THAT YOUR OFFICIAL
ANSWER?"

BEFORE YOU SAY
RIGHT OR WRONG, HUH?

YEAH, SURE.
IS THIS YOUR OFFICIAL ANSWER?

[imitating buzzer]
YES.

KODAK CORPORATION.

YOU JUST LOST
THE CAPTAINCY, PAL.

(Roy)
DON'T SAY A WORD,
DON'T MAKE A SOUND,

DON'T MOVE,
DON'T EVEN BREATHE.

ALL RIGHT. HIT IT.

"WHO WAS THE BLACK WOMAN
WHO ON DECEMBER 1, 1955

"REFUSED TO GIVE UP HER SEAT

ON A MONTGOMERY BUS
TO A WHITE MAN?"

[Joe imitating clock ticking]
UM, IT WAS...
NO, NO, NO, NO.

UM...

[babbling]

NO, NO WAY,
I'M NOT GONNA SAY THAT.
FORGET IT, NO.

UM...

UM...

MAYBE IT DOESN'T HAVE
MUCH OF A CHANCE, ROY,

BUT IT SEEMS TO ME
IF WE DON'T SAY SOMETHING,

WE DON'T HAVE
ANY CHANCE AT ALL.

BUT I DEFER TO MY CAPTAIN.

UH, UM...

ANN-MARGRET.

[imitating buzzer]

ROSA PARKS.

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD,
LOWELL,

WHY DO YOU THINK ANN-MARGRET'S
THE ANSWER TO EVERYTHING?

I'VE PLAYED THIS GAME BEFORE
AND TRUST ME,

ANN-MARGRET IS THE ANSWER
TO ONE OF THESE QUESTIONS.

THAT'S IT.

THAT DID IT.

FAY, I'M ON YOUR TEAM.

BRIAN, SAY HELLO
TO YOUR NEW PARTNER.

BUT I WAS WINNIN'.

LIFE'S HARD. SUCK IT UP.

WELL, WELL, FAY,
I BELIEVE IT'S OUR TURN.
AH-HA.

ENTERTAINMENT.
THERE WE GO, FAY.

(Joe)
READY?
YEAH.

"WHAT ACTRESS
MARRIED TO ROGER SMITH

SANG THE TITLE SONG
IN THE FILM BYE BYE BIRDIE?"

[sighing]

BOY, THESE QUESTIONS
ARE TOUGH.

I THINK IT WAS ANN-MARGRET.

NO, NO, NO, NO,
DON'T SAY THAT, FAY.
IT CAN'T BE.

BUT--BUT--BUT--
NO, FAY, FAY,

I'M NOT GONNA SAY THAT.
I'M NOT GONNA ANSWER
"ANN-MARGRET."

I DON'T CARE
IF IT'S RIGHT OR WRONG.
DO YOU HEAR ME, FAY?

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
IDA LUPINO.

IS THAT YOUR OFFICIAL ANSWER?
YEAH, YEAH.

[imitating buzzer]

ANN-MARGRET!

[muttering]

I TRIED, HACKETT.
I REALLY DID.

BUT YOU DIDN'T SAY
ANYTHING ABOUT LOWELL
BEING MY PARTNER.

NO ONE COULD HAVE TAKEN THAT.

NO ONE ON THIS EARTH.
NO OFFENSE, LOWELL.

NONE TAKEN, ROY.

LET'S JUST GO BACK
TO THE WAY THINGS WERE,
SHALL WE?

I'LL TREAT YOU THE WAY
I'VE ALWAYS TREATED YOU

AND YOU TREAT ME THE WAY
YOU'VE ALWAYS TREATED ME.

I THINK THAT'S THE WAY
IT'LL--IT'LL WORK
BEST FOR US.

BYE, ROY.

[muttering]

HE REALLY DID TRY TO BE NICE.

YEAH, HE DID.

MAYBE ONE OF US
SHOULD GO GET HIM.

FORGET IT, I WON'T.
NOT ME. I WON'T.

I REALLY CAN'T.

OH, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,
I KNOW HOW WE
CAN DECIDE WHO GOES.

WE'LL EACH TAKE
A SCORING WEDGE OR "PIE"--

NO, NO, NO, NO.
I CAN'T SIT THROUGH
THAT AGAIN.

I'LL DO IT.

I FORGOT MY PASTA BOWL.

OH, BY THE WAY,
I'LL SEE YOU GUYS SUNDAY
AT JOE'S BARBECUE.

(Fay)
HE'S MAKING CORN BREAD.